Finally Someone Put My Thoughts Into Words - Tumblr Posts

When I was in ninth grade I wanted to challenge what I saw as a very stupid dress code policy (not being allowed to wear spikes regardless of the size or sharpness of the spikes). My dad said to me, “What is your objective?”

He said it over and over. I contemplated that. I wanted to change an unfair dress code. What did I stand to gain? What did I stand to lose? If what I really wanted was to change the dress code, what would be my most effective potential approach? (He also gave me Discourses on the Fall of Rome by Titus Livius, Machiavelli’s magnum opus. Of course he’d already given me The Prince, Five Rings, and The Art of War.)

I ultimately printed out that phrase, coated it in Mod Podge, and clipped it to my bathroom mirror so I would look at it and think about it every day.

What is your objective?

Forget about how you feel. Ask yourself, what do you want to see happen? And then ask, how can you make it happen? Who needs to agree with you? Who has the power to implement this change? What are the points where you have leverage over them? If you use that leverage now, will you impair your ability to use it in the future? Getting what you want is about effectiveness. It is not about being an alpha or a sigma or whatever other bullshit the men’s right whiners are on about now. You won’t find any MRA talking points in Musashi, because they are not relevant.

I had no clear leverage on the dress code issue. My parents were not on the PTA; neither were any of my friend’s parents who liked me. The teachers did not care about this. Ultimately I just wore what I wanted, my patent leather collar from Hot Topic with large but flattened spikes, and I had guessed correctly—the teachers also did not care enough to discipline me.

I often see people on tumblr, mostly the very young, flail around in discourse. They don’t have an objective. They don’t know what they want to achieve, and they have never thought about strategizing and interpersonal effectiveness. No one can get everything they want by being an asshole. You must be able to work with other people, and that includes smiling when you hate them.

Read Machiavelli. Start with The Prince, but then move on to Discourses. Read Musashi’s Five Rings. Read The Art of War. They’re classics for a reason. They can’t cover all situations, but they can do more for how you think about strategizing than anything you’re getting in middle school and high school curricula.

Don’t vote third party unless you can tell me not only what your objective is but also why this action stands a meaningful chance of accomplishing it. Otherwise, back up and approach your strategy from a new angle. I don’t care how angry you are with Biden right now. He knows about it, and he is both trying to do something and not doing enough. I care about what will happen to millions of people if we have another Trump presidency. Look up Ross Perot, and learn from our past. Find your objective. If it is to stop the genocide in Palestine now, call your elected representatives now. They don’t care about emails; they care about phone calls, because they live in the past. I know this because I shadowed a lobbyist, because knowing how power works is critical to using it.

How do you think I have gotten two clinics to start including gender care in their planning?

Start small. Chip away. Keep working. Find your leverage; figure out how and when to effectively use it. Choose your battles, so that you can concentrate on the battle at hand instead of wasting your resources in many directions. Learn from the accumulated wisdom of people who spent their lives learning by doing, by making mistakes, by watching the mistakes of their enemies.

Don’t be a dickhead. Be smarter than I was at 14. Ask yourself: what is your objective?

What makes White Collar hold up so much better than other police procedurals:

It was part of the "pretty happy shows with gorgeous ensemble casts and a charismatic weird guy" USA network era but it somehow used that to be about stuff that is so REAL

What is justice? Is our system fair? Can you be a criminal and still be a good man? Can you be a good man and still work for the system?

The bad guys are rich assholes, and people defrauding families out of their homes, and unethical pharmaceutical companies. People manipulating energy supply out of greed resulting in blackouts which are showing *harming a dog,* aka how to show something is monstrous in a pg show written by a white person. Class exists in this universe in more ways than having a cardboard concept of a "rich guy."

The bad guys include police, FBI agents, prison staff, judges, senators. Those people cause real harm, obstruct justice, plant evidence, kill people. It's shown how the system protects them and harms regular people.

The harm that causes the main character to go from wanting to be part of the system, to subverting and working against it, is him finding out about an act of police corruption, brutality, and murder--and what's more, that if he became a cop, that's what he could become.

The harm that causes the main character to be outside the white picket fence is that the system failed his family after that act. What happened to Neal's mom? Why did nobody besides Helen step in? They had to check in with US Marshals, did nobody notice this kid didn't have an adult fit to parent?

So Neal turns to found family. And let's be real, heavily polyamory coded found family at that. But he keeps chasing the idea of a girl who will be everything. But he's got all this attachment trauma so he never does. But because found family is real family, even the people who freaking played the characters are still connected a decade later