Growing Up Neurodivergent - Tumblr Posts

Fun for neurotypical kids shouldnt be mandated for neurodivergent kids.

Like yeah, teachers, its probably very fun for the other kids to be outside in the summer, running around and cheering while playing loud games. Yknow who thats not fun for?? Me??

I get that you cant have kids wandering off, but you could at least set up a place for people like me to go. An 8 year old kid with sensory issues and difficulty running shouldnt be forced to stand right next to a crowd of screaming adults, then made to run 5 laps in a competition.

Just have a teacher who doesnt really care about the games set up a classroom. Put on tv shows and provide snacks, so theyre not missing out on the only part i liked from the field day. hell, id rather chill in the library the whole time. id rather be in detention??

Sleeping under the mattress?

Did any other neurodivergent kids do this? I can’t be the only one. 

I Might Have Fucking Autism wtf

It’s clear to anyone who spends enough time with me that I’m some flavor of neurodivergent. It’s been that way my whole life, but my mom is too prideful and used to flip her shit whenever someone even implied something like that. She says she doesn’t make defective kids. :/

Adhd but not for me

Why is it that my brother and I had the same gifted burnout, but he got got diagnosed with adhd and got meds, but I got nothing? I line up with a lot of both autism and adhd traits, but “No, you don’t have autism, no way. Mayyyybe just a little adhd. You’re just quirky” as if having autism is so horrible

Stop Lying You Narcissistic mf

My mom literally tried to say she knew about the neurodivergencies, but they “Didn’t matter because they didn’t affect your academics” even though i constantly got spanked for bad grades. You would think I would learn my lesson the first ten times. She didn’t know about the possible adhd and autism anyway. No one was allowed to make implications about her “gifted” children.

Squirmy boi

Does anyone else get that feeling like they need to scream and run and squirm and break stuff? Like you’re trying to break free from your own body? What the hell is it?

Cuddle me but don’t touch me?

I know I can’t be the only one here who normally loathes physical contact, but would kill for a cuddle at like 4 a.m. It feels so intense, and you can sort of feel it in the pit of your chest. That feeling of desperately needing someone to hold you as close and tight as they can. Occasionally, it’s enough to push me to tears, Why does this happen? Is it that need for pressure that most neurodivergent people experience? Is it a hidden loneliness that only shows when I’m alone and sleepy? Am I touch-starved? Or is this something else entirely?

Closet hiding?

Did any other neurodivergent kids hide in closets? Like when you were overwhelmed or maybe just to find a quiet spot to be alone and undisturbed? Maybe for no reason other than enjoying sitting in closets? Is that even a neurodivergent thing? I hope I’m not the only one who did this.

Special Interest Blabbering?

What do you do when you want to just talk for hours and hours about a special interest and no one wants to listen? Like you just want to sit them down and tell them every little thing about it, but the clearly don’t care and would get annoyed quickly. What do you do?

If you have adhd AND autism, you know that although the symptoms can be VERY similar, they can also clash and then team up to piss you off.

Example:

ADHD: causes me to be a bit disorganized

Autism: craves order and structure

You see where this is going.

I'm bad at looking for things, but I have like five minutes to find it before I start losing my mind. I literally put my work clothes in a specific spot to avoid this, but I don't have my own room so it happened anyway because people like to move my stuff while I'm sleeping. It's always in an obvious spot, but that's the last place I would thing to check because IT'S TOO OBVIOUS.

Explaining your autism symptoms (especially as someone who doesn't need much assistance in day to day life) is kind of difficult??? But like why???? When you try to say it out loud, it mostly sounds like normal, everyday occurrences.

"Oh, sun light bothers me" "Hey, same! It bothers a lot of people!"

"Too many noises at once will bother me and make me irritable." "Dude, literally everyone feels like that. Too much noise is obviously annoying."

WHY IS IT LIKE THIS??? AND WHY IS IT SIMILAR WITH ADHD

Is spinning an autistic thing? Like I used to just spin until I was ready to fall over, then I would sit down until I regained my balance and then spin some more.... For fun. No other reason than because I thought it was fun.

Why is it so hard to function as an adult?

I literally just want to be able to have some money and enjoy my life, but no. My job is too hard for me, and I'm bending over backwards to find a better one.

The problem comes in with why my job is too hard. Not only is it a very physically demanding job (I am not in shape, or used to doing a lot of physical labor), it also requires speed AND accuracy. I have trouble with both of those things, and it sucks.

I want to find another job, but most jobs have the same requirements, or require a degree, which I don't have. Those swedish artists need to hurry up with their "clock in at the train station and get paid to do whatever you want all day" project. Until then, I just want to be able to work as an artist. My drawing tablet comes in Friday, but I don't have time to do commissions or improve my art enough to even ask for a decent amount of money for commissions.

I now have insurance and can start the process of autism and ADHD screenings.

There are a few problems though.

I don't know where to start

They take forever

The insurance is through my job, but I want to quit. If I quit, no more insurance

This. This perfectly describes what I've been experiencing lately. I have now clue why exactly it's happening.

I've looked into getting an autism diagnosis, but I'd have to keep my job, but my job is what's causing issues, but I need the job to get the- it's a cycle. And this isn't really new. It happened every year in school. I'd start off with a semi-decent amount of energy, but I'd usually run out of steam and be unable to get it back. Some year, I started with no steam and just struggled from the jump. I'd never have energy for chores or really anything. It's the same now. I have thought about crashing the car or doing other drastic things to avoid it. It sucks so much.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do as an alternative? The typical workplace isn't for me, so now what?

Why is it so fucking expensive to seek an adult autism diagnosis? I know there’s more going on with me than just my adhd. I’ve never seen anyone else with adhd that struggles quite to the extent that I am. I can’t seem to handle very basic, everyday things without getting overwhelmed. I burn out so easily to the point that my ability to function decreases even more.

For example, everyone has to work. Lots of people with adhd also manage to work, even if they end up job hopping a lot. Even when I had medication, it was like I still couldn’t handle the stress. I would have a whole breakdown every day before work, literally thinking about harming myself or wrecking my car intentionally to avoid having to be there, feeling this crushing dread, anger, exhaustion, the negative thought spirals throughout the day, getting off or ending the week and not even being able to relax or enjoy yourself because the knowledge that you have to go back so soon is looming over you. Not being able to sleep because of the crushing dread of knowing you have to wake up and get back on that metaphorical treadmill, having nightmares about it when you do sleep.

Obviously the easy answer would be to simply get a different job, but the thing is that this has been every job I’ve ever had…and I’ve had a LOT of them. It isn’t just the work, though that feeling of not doing something that feels meaningful is definitely soul-crushing, but no, instead it’s the stress of pushing past a severe level of executive function until I no longer can and I begin to make mistake after mistake. It’s the draining exhaustion of seeing the same people and being forced into the same small talk. It’s not having any energy left to clean my house, cook, have a life, or pursue my special interests/hyperfixations. It’s feeling trapped in a schedule that doesn’t work with my needs or energy levels and eventually turns me into a shell of my former self. It’s knowing that each time I get fired and have that time to recover before being forced to re-enter the world that I never fully get back to what I once was. I lose a piece of myself and my ability to function lessens each time.

It’s frustrating because it’s like if I could just manage to work and keep working full time long enough, I could get insurance and get assessed, because I know deep down I’m on the spectrum…but I’ve gotten fired before that happens each time. It’s like I’m trapped in this cycle of not functioning well without support but not having the resources to seek a diagnosis so that I can get support. I feel like the system has failed me and like I’ve slipped through the cracks. It’s hard to have much hope because everyone always tells people that you have to help yourself or change what you don’t like, but it’s like I’m literally unable to get to the point where I can even do that.

I don't want to be a productive member of society. I want to make my art, play my games, and rest. Every little thing overwhelms me.

Having to get up everyday and maintain my body is exhausting.

Maintaining relationships is exhausting.

Having to get up and work while looking presentable is exhausting.

I'm so tired of being demanded of anything and everything. And I know I probably won't be able to rest until I'm either old and senile or dead.

I didn't ask for this, yet here I am...Slowly rotting away. There's no time to truly enjoy life, work, and be both physically and mentally healthy simultaneously, for the majority of your time.

I just want to get out of here and find true joy.

I'm sorry that things are very hard for you, its very hard being neurodivergent and having to work jobs. I hope you are a bit easier on yourself, its okay to mess up. I think you're cool and I understand being trapped in such situation. I can't help or do anything about your situation but I wish you have some good time or free time for yourself sometime soon

Hi and thank you. I'm trying to be a little easier on myself, but it's kind of hard when you feel like a failure. On top of being abysmally inept in terms of anything social, I have the problem of being a young adult and steadily falling behind my peers. Every job I can get without a degree is terrible, especially where I live. The main problem is that I need one of these jobs to go to college and get a better one. I would kill to be able to do what I love for a living instead, but the way the world is going, it seems like I might just have to keep suffering. Maybe one day, I'll get to where I hope to be. I just hate to mess up, partially because of how I was raised. Nothing ever seemed to be quite enough. That, and anxiety, depressive tendencies, embarrassment, etc. Every little failure and setback will shatter me like an expensive vase, and it takes forever for me to gather all the peices and put them back together. That's another reason I can't go too easy on myself. It takes so long to recover. Maybe I'll get stronger though. Maybe one day I'll learn to be more resilient and life will be better.

All in all, things like this ask tend to give me a little more hope, no matter how small it is. Again, thank you for your kind words. I wish nothing but the best for you as well. I hope your life is good, fulfilling, warm, comfortable, and prosperous.

I just told my partner of over a year that I've been looking into both an autism and an ADHD diagnosis.

It did not go too well.

Nothing has changed. My 165-195 range of raads-r scores didn't suddenly make me a different person just because he knows now. I think we're still together but I want to scream.

Being an older sibling, and seeing a younger sibling upset will never stop being painful.

It only adds to the pain when you aren't equally close to all of them, and the one with the most distance is the one in need of help.

We've never been overly close, and they seldom, if ever, come to me for help. Our parents were more gentle raising them, so they grew up healthier and more independent. That's a bit of a double edged sword, though. I could at least try to calm the others down and encourage them, but not this time. They probably don't want me to, and I wouldn't know how, even if they did.

It's strange how people who grew up in such close quarters, with the same parents have such drastically different connections with each other. The rest of us a close-knit clique, with a thin, frail connection to that island. It's not like any of us deliberately excluded each other growing up, and it's not like any of us saw it coming. It's no fault of our own, and it's upsetting, but that's the way things came out.

I think your problems are very valid and your trauma is not any less important than others' . I can't speak for you but wanted to say that you don't have to think you're luckier than others. Also being neurodivergent already means you have a lot of struggles. Maybe reason why you think you're luckier than others is because you were used to pushing aside your issues in favor of others. That's rough life, I hope you know everything you go through is equally as valid as anything else

Thank you for the ask, and thank you for the validation.

I think you're kind of right about me pushing my issues aside, but it's probably also just another consequence of abuse. "It could've been worse." That's always what people are told, and a lot of us are gaslit into thinking it wasn't nearly as bad as it was.

At this point, its so deeply ingrained in my mind. I can't really help but to think that way sometimes. I'm working on it, though. Maybe it'll stop one day and I'll be able to completely distance myself from everyone involved.

Once again, thank you for your kindness. I hope you and everyone you care about are living your best lives. If not, then I wish you the best of luck on your journey to happiness.