I Need To Name My Rambles Soon Guys - Tumblr Posts
It was recently the 1 anniversary of the fanfic I've been writing and a lot of things came to mind.
1. WHAT?! Where did the time GO 🤯
2. I BARELY WROTE ANYTHING 😭
3. A lot of things have happened in that time frame and I am not the same person I once was 👁👁
4. I actually committed to a long-term creative project? 🤨
And in the words of my cognitive behavioral therapist.
We should unpack that.
Now I'm not going to psychoanalyze my nonexistent sense of time because every year I get a little older, and every year I lose the sense of time and the fabric of space and continuum, BUT I think those last 3 are pretty interesting, and I think they're common thoughts to have as any creator.
2. At first glance, maybe not, but WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WROTE 40K WORDS OVER ANYTHING- ZAMNNnnn
That's...
*Grabs my caluculater*
...3k per month. 833 words per week, and I was a full-time student.
Could it be seen as lazy? Sure, but let's choose to see that I am great at avoiding burn-out. (School burned me out first, but yk)
Could I have achieved more? Yes, and I have before, but I am not that mentally ill teenager I was in quarantine with nothing but time. 50k words in 1 month is RIDICULOUS! WHO LET ME DO THAT?! Bad comparison. Horrible comparison actually. Those were two different people. Write at your own pace, y'all. Be kind and considerate of you right now, not to who you were or think you should be.
3. Jesus christ I was busy this year, and a lot of things happened too. I lost a few people, I almost lost a few more, and yet I keep writing.
For escapism? Definitely, but what is creativity and stories if not to pass the time and escape your own life for a bit. Maybe I needed it. Escapism doesn't have to be a negative thing. I think I benefited from it.
4. I figured out that I actually can commit to long term projects. I can. I know I could, but there was always that doubt and self-hatred that I was too scatter-brained, too lazy, not good enough, etc.
Is 1 year really that long? In the grand scheme of things, no. It's a sliver of my life. But it's also 365 days I kept coming back to something. I pushed myself to keep doing something I loved and y'know what? I loved most of the days I spent writing. Not all, but most.
Could I have had a better schedule? Absolutely. In fact, I had no writing schedule, and the fact that I somehow wrote 20 chapters in a year baffles me. I find it a miracle I didn't quit in the early chapters, but maybe it's not. Maybe just this once I can blame myself for something good and not credit the universe. Let's choose to see I did well, and the person I become in the future will do the best they can as well.
This was a ramble and more of a self-reflection than anything else, but we are all about self-positivity over here because shit is too hard not to be. I think anniversaries of any kind should be celebrated, not a time to critique yourself because you do it all year long anyways. Take a break, pat yourself on the back, and be kind to you and others.