Im Not Mentally Stable - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

im sorry if this comes out as offensive but god how i love possessive men. i think i need help this cant be right. 😭

(Note: First things first,my first language it's not English, so, sorry for any misspelling, and anything like that for the matter. Second, yes, you are right, but also, it's not that they didn't knew that that was basically imposible, it's that they pretended they didn't knew, but they did, it was just more convient to belivie that Harry did it, even if a lot of people didn't have 'anything' againts muggles or muggleborns, and weren't blood purist, it dosen't mean they didn't have prejudices and they weren't "slightly" bigoted, come on guys, this was the 80's-90's, it dosen't matter how advanced some families were in comparison of others in their views on this matters, they still HAD to be at least a bit prejudiced, some more than others)

The only reason they give credit to Harry and not Lily, it's because they rather believe that a one year old Halfblood (Son of James Potter, a great Wizard and a soldier, who is part of a noble pureblood family, even if they are blood traitors) baby in diapers defeates Voldemort, rather than to believe that a brilliant, war soldier, muggleborn 21 years old, acomplished young woman, who dosen't have a drop of magic blood in her veins defeated him, Voldemort, the greatest dark lord, in a while (sorry grindelwald) one of the most powerful wizards at that time.

Also, there's a theory that Lily used Dark Blood Magic to save Harry, which would make sense, since "why would the Wizarding World believe that a muggleborn witch (no matter how brilliant of a witch,smart,clever, powerful, or great Lily Evans was) could be able to defeat the greatest dark lord they have ever seen, in his own domain (dark magic)"

Even more so, since it would be blood magic, which is really powerful, prohibited, basically lost at that point, except for, like, in the libraries of the most olds pureblood families, and the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there may be, one or two books of it in the restricted section of Hogwarts,that is, of course, if Dumbledore didn't burn those, or Tom stole/send someone to get them in his research for something to make him inmortal apart for the horrocruxs.

more importantly, they would think "where she would get the knowledge?"

like i said before, she was a muggleborn, there's only so much she can learn from her friends (either muggleborns, halfbloods, or blood traitors, all of them, light) and the library, but also, like i said before, she used to be friends with Snape. With the increasing attacks to muggleborns (gee, i wonder, who could be part of the attacks? Definitely not, Severus 'Death Eater-Friend with more death eaters' Snape), Lily was probably scared/on guard, especially after Lily's Friends, Mary Mcdonald, was attacked by Mulciber, so, she could have easily mentioned this to Snape, and him, being the great friend he was, asked one of his Friends (death eaters a.k.a baby terrorists) for a copy of a book on the dark art, especificaly something on protection, and after he had it in his hands, he gave it to Lily. Where, She, years later, even after she ended her friendship with Snape, with a son, in the middle of war, with the 'light' side losing, was desperate (Peter's Anxiety, Sirius paranoia, James losing his smile, Remus risking his life, Mary becoming more and more miserable by the day, Dorcas self-destruction, Marlene's Death.), She found the book. She felt the power of the spell / ritual / whatever the fuck that was a "mother's love" (dumbledore's worlds, not mine, jesus, like any other mother didnt love their child the same). And She did it, She protected her child.

She wasn't recognised, She wasn't famous.

She didnt do it for any of that anyways, but her child's safety.

He was safe, Harry was finally safe, the Dark lord should be dead.

Or was he?

(The ones that knew her obviously didn't remember her friendship with Severus "bat complex" Snape, they didn't remember how terrifying she could be when defending those who are her, how she was as fiery as a forest fire, her cleverness, the cunning in her veins, the force with which she protected and loved those close to her.

they saw the kind in those forest green eyes of her, but didnt saw the burning behind them.

the one who did saw it was long gone, dead, his body rotting six feet underground, and his mind in peace thinking he saved his son and his wife)

My absolute favourite thing about harry potter is that when people found the potters dead and voldemort dead and harry alive their first explaination was “This baby killed voldemort” and they never looked back

A Losing Game Part 1

Paring: Oikawa Toruu & Iwazumi Hajime

Genre: Angst with minor fluff

Synopsis: A broken heart is all that's left I'm still fixing all the cracks

-We're the best of friends.

Don't you mean were?

Huh? Well he could never stay mad at me too long. We always forgive each other in the end.

What if the end never comes?

There's always an end.

An end to what exactly?

The losing game of course.

Parts: Pt. 1 , Pt. 2 ....more coming soon

___________________________________________________________

~Lost a couple of pieces when I carried it, carried it, carried it home~

When did the panic attacks start?

“Funny of you to think someone like me could ever have one of those.” Right because funny was the way to put it right? No, no it was not. In fact, the only thing Oikawa found funny was how many times he found himself curled up somewhere lost in his own thoughts, his own imagination, his own hell. Funny

You know you cannot lie to me, right?

He is right he cannot lie to him. After all he has been coming to these sessions for years. He usually always told the truth so what is different now? Oh, right the difference now is that he believed in the lies himself. He does not know when it started, but he knows whatever he is shielding himself from would shred every ounce of sanity he desperately held on to. So why now? Why is he turning on himself? Why can’t he keep his mouth closed? Why can’t he protect him from his self?

“I cannot remember where or when they started. Every one of them just seem like one big blur, almost like it never happened. There was one, one that I can never seem to shake. It was not my proudest moment. I was practicing my serves when…”

*Mentions of past events*

“Oikawa-san please show me how to serve.” There he was in all his glory. Kageyama Tobio. I didn’t exactly love him, but I didn’t- well no that was that. It’s like he was put there just to destroy everything I had. Sure, we were on the same team, but with him around it’s like I was slowly being replaced, and of course I couldn’t have that happening. He thought he was better than me I just know he did. He made a mockery out of me, acting as if he looked up to be me just to pull the rug up from under me whenever he pleased.

“Get away, get away, get away don’t come over here!” I didn’t know what I was doing, it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t control myself. Didn’t he see that? Didn’t he...understand that? I was stressed, I was upset- No! I was angry. So. Damn. Angry. I’ve worked my ass off over, and over, and over trying to achieve it, trying to win. Didn’t he see how far behind we were? It didn’t matter how many times we won, or how many trophies we bought back. It wasn’t worth a damn thing if we couldn’t beat the one person, the one team holding me, holding us back. “Calm down, you dumbass!” Suddenly, he was there, like my guardian angel stopping me from doing wrong.

“Sorry”

It was all I could think, I could say. One thing I’ll never know was if I actually meant it. Why would I mean he was the enemy right? “Kageyama, I’m sorry, but we’re done for today.” I could barely hear the words exchanged around me. “Oh, okay.” That’s all he had to say. There he goes mocking me yet again.

“The change up today was to clear your head. You need to have more composure!”

“Right now, I can’t win against Shiratorizawa, so there’s no way I can have composure! I want to win and go to nationals, to win I need to-”

“I this, I that. It’s annoying!” Before I could get a word in, I felt a powerful impact hit me. He headbutted me. “Do you think you’re fighting by yourself !?” You’ve got to be kidding me, you dumbass! If you think how you’re doing equals how the team will do, I’ll punch you!

“You already did!”

“There’s no one on our team who can’t beat Ushiwaka one on one! However…”

He went on to tell me how we have a team for a reason, that we can do it together. I didn’t know how much I needed that pep talk, but it sure as hell made me feel better.

Being there for you made you a better person wouldn’t you say?

Without him I would be someone way scarier than that person who was there that day in the gym. He’s my…anchor.

You seem to alternate between past and present tense. Do you think your past struggles may still have an influence on you to this day?

I-well no it’s just that…we made a promise. A promise that the both of us will go to nationals together, and I intend to keep that promise. I will keep that promise.

Oikawa are you aware that you graduated 2 years ago.

I made a promise.

~I’m afraid of all I am~

It’s just- what if I break that promise? What if he gets tired of waiting, and doesn’t want to be around me anymore? I can’t even stand being around myself for too long.

~My mind feels like a foreign land~

I always get lost in my head, and I feel like I can never find my way out.

~Silence ringing inside my head~

But when he’s around there’s nothing but silence because he knows just the right things to say and do to make my brain quit torturing me.

~Please carry me, carry me, carry me home~

I don’t know what I would do without him. If there’s something wrong he’d figure it out before me. If he thinks I’m overthinking things he’ll yell at me to snap me out of it or give me a hit on the head to help pull me back to reality. To a stranger it seemed so violent, so random, but to me I’m nothing but grateful. He’s my safe space and being around him feels like home to me.

Haven’t you been feeling lonely since the fight?

How could I feel lonely when we’re always together?

A Losing Game Part 2

Paring: Oikawa Toruu & Iwazumi Hajime

Genre: Angst with minor fluff

Synopsis: A broken heart is all that's left I'm still fixing all the cracks

-We're the best of friends.

Don't you mean were?

Huh? Well he could never stay mad at me too long. We always forgive each other in the end.

What if the end never comes?

There's always an end.

An end to what exactly?

The losing game of course.

Parts: Pt. 1 , Pt.2 ....more coming soon

_______________________________________________________

~I’ve spent all of the love I’ve saved~

If you could describe the relationship how would you describe it?

Well, he’s my best friend of course.

No, I mean in detail. How would you describe it?

Um, I guess I would say that we’ve been together since we were kids, and no one could ever come between us. I love I admired him in every way possible. He has the ability to make everyone around him look up to him and see him in the best way possible. Even in the worse moments he could make me laugh and smile. Without him I wouldn’t know how to function. It’s like he gives me purpose. He…is my purpose.

~We were always a losing game~

Did you ever stop to think that your feelings were more than just best friends, maybe platonic or lovers even?

As if! The day I admit to having feelings for him would be the day I die. Although I can’t say the same for him.

~Small town boy in a big arcade~

Let’s talk about something else. You loved volleyball, loved it enough that you used it as a stress reliever correct?

It’s the only thing apart from him that keeps me sane apart from him.

Even with the major competition you had?

Y-yes even then.

~I got addicted to a losing game~

For something that kept you sane, it took a lot from you both mentally and physically.

Well yes but it was worth everything in the end I mean it was…wasn't it?

You seem to have had a lot of rivalries, but they never stopped you from quitting and why is that? Why did you continue to play? Continue to hurt yourself? Continue to push forward why?

Why wouldn't I keep playing. I'm the captain, and as a captain you should never give up. I made promises, I worked my ass off, and what good would that all be if I gave up doing every little obstacle. It will be for nothing. I refuse to be a failure...I can't be a failure.

~All I know, all I know~

You do know there is nothing wrong with losing right? It's ok to lose.

Of course, it's ok to lose, it's only ok because you don't have a choice. We don't have a choice in life, in the games, in anything! It's ok to lose because sometimes you already lost…but me? I'm so damn tired of losing. I'm done losing I can't lose anymore I hate it; I hate it, I hate it…I hate it. If I lose one more thing I'll go insane! Just because it's ok to lose does not mean that it won't fucking suck to lose. I'm so tired losing.

~Loving you is a losing game~

First it was that's stupid boy Kageyama stopping me. He was in my way all the time, and once I felt like I got rid of him, then it was that stupid, stupid, stupid team Shiratorizawa. At first, I thought it was just pure luck for them. I thought maybe they had a small advantage. I thought that all I had to do is practice, practice, practice. I thought that was all it would take to be the best, and to win, because after losing over and over again I realized I wasn't the best. I had refused to give up. I refused to be beaten, embarrassed, humiliated. I made a promise to my team; a promise to go to Nationals and every single year it was always them that got in the way. They snatched the golden ticket right from under us no matter what we did. No matter how good of captain I thought I was, it wasn't good enough. That's why I refuse to give up I can't give up because of that promise to my best friend, and I can't just break that promise you don't understand. I can’t break this promise it means everything to me, to us. Just when I thought we could finally do it there he came again, that stupid Kageyama with his stupid team. I just- I don't understand I thought I was the only one who could be great, but I kept getting pushed back further and further, one after the other it just never stopped. The red lights never stopped flashing. The voices never stopped! I don’t want to stop. I just wanna be great, I just wanna win I need to win for me and Iwa.

~How many pennies in the slot~

One thing I could say that is very repetitive in all the conversations we've ever had since we first met, is that you seem to show more and more love towards-

Don't say it, don't say his name I already know…

You seem to be really ashamed when discussing this certain topic. Why is that?