Iwazumi X Oikawa - Tumblr Posts

A Losing Game Part 1

Paring: Oikawa Toruu & Iwazumi Hajime

Genre: Angst with minor fluff

Synopsis: A broken heart is all that's left I'm still fixing all the cracks

-We're the best of friends.

Don't you mean were?

Huh? Well he could never stay mad at me too long. We always forgive each other in the end.

What if the end never comes?

There's always an end.

An end to what exactly?

The losing game of course.

Parts: Pt. 1 , Pt. 2 ....more coming soon

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~Lost a couple of pieces when I carried it, carried it, carried it home~

When did the panic attacks start?

“Funny of you to think someone like me could ever have one of those.” Right because funny was the way to put it right? No, no it was not. In fact, the only thing Oikawa found funny was how many times he found himself curled up somewhere lost in his own thoughts, his own imagination, his own hell. Funny

You know you cannot lie to me, right?

He is right he cannot lie to him. After all he has been coming to these sessions for years. He usually always told the truth so what is different now? Oh, right the difference now is that he believed in the lies himself. He does not know when it started, but he knows whatever he is shielding himself from would shred every ounce of sanity he desperately held on to. So why now? Why is he turning on himself? Why can’t he keep his mouth closed? Why can’t he protect him from his self?

“I cannot remember where or when they started. Every one of them just seem like one big blur, almost like it never happened. There was one, one that I can never seem to shake. It was not my proudest moment. I was practicing my serves when…”

*Mentions of past events*

“Oikawa-san please show me how to serve.” There he was in all his glory. Kageyama Tobio. I didn’t exactly love him, but I didn’t- well no that was that. It’s like he was put there just to destroy everything I had. Sure, we were on the same team, but with him around it’s like I was slowly being replaced, and of course I couldn’t have that happening. He thought he was better than me I just know he did. He made a mockery out of me, acting as if he looked up to be me just to pull the rug up from under me whenever he pleased.

“Get away, get away, get away don’t come over here!” I didn’t know what I was doing, it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t control myself. Didn’t he see that? Didn’t he...understand that? I was stressed, I was upset- No! I was angry. So. Damn. Angry. I’ve worked my ass off over, and over, and over trying to achieve it, trying to win. Didn’t he see how far behind we were? It didn’t matter how many times we won, or how many trophies we bought back. It wasn’t worth a damn thing if we couldn’t beat the one person, the one team holding me, holding us back. “Calm down, you dumbass!” Suddenly, he was there, like my guardian angel stopping me from doing wrong.

“Sorry”

It was all I could think, I could say. One thing I’ll never know was if I actually meant it. Why would I mean he was the enemy right? “Kageyama, I’m sorry, but we’re done for today.” I could barely hear the words exchanged around me. “Oh, okay.” That’s all he had to say. There he goes mocking me yet again.

“The change up today was to clear your head. You need to have more composure!”

“Right now, I can’t win against Shiratorizawa, so there’s no way I can have composure! I want to win and go to nationals, to win I need to-”

“I this, I that. It’s annoying!” Before I could get a word in, I felt a powerful impact hit me. He headbutted me. “Do you think you’re fighting by yourself !?” You’ve got to be kidding me, you dumbass! If you think how you’re doing equals how the team will do, I’ll punch you!

“You already did!”

“There’s no one on our team who can’t beat Ushiwaka one on one! However…”

He went on to tell me how we have a team for a reason, that we can do it together. I didn’t know how much I needed that pep talk, but it sure as hell made me feel better.

Being there for you made you a better person wouldn’t you say?

Without him I would be someone way scarier than that person who was there that day in the gym. He’s my…anchor.

You seem to alternate between past and present tense. Do you think your past struggles may still have an influence on you to this day?

I-well no it’s just that…we made a promise. A promise that the both of us will go to nationals together, and I intend to keep that promise. I will keep that promise.

Oikawa are you aware that you graduated 2 years ago.

I made a promise.

~I’m afraid of all I am~

It’s just- what if I break that promise? What if he gets tired of waiting, and doesn’t want to be around me anymore? I can’t even stand being around myself for too long.

~My mind feels like a foreign land~

I always get lost in my head, and I feel like I can never find my way out.

~Silence ringing inside my head~

But when he’s around there’s nothing but silence because he knows just the right things to say and do to make my brain quit torturing me.

~Please carry me, carry me, carry me home~

I don’t know what I would do without him. If there’s something wrong he’d figure it out before me. If he thinks I’m overthinking things he’ll yell at me to snap me out of it or give me a hit on the head to help pull me back to reality. To a stranger it seemed so violent, so random, but to me I’m nothing but grateful. He’s my safe space and being around him feels like home to me.

Haven’t you been feeling lonely since the fight?

How could I feel lonely when we’re always together?