In My Feels Too - Tumblr Posts
mk... 😭😭
thank you so much for reading. it means a lot to me that it's impacted you like this; it hits home for me too. and omg "Art is meant to move people, and this did just that." girl you are TRYING to make me cry i swear. i don't deserve you, thank you and i love you soso much ❤️
still here | r.l.
summary: it's your birthday :(
a/n: this is the first time i’ve ever really cried when writing something, it’s got a home in my heart now and i hope you like it!! 🫶 (also listen to our lovely girl billie for added heartbreak)
tw: past suicide attempt
You lean back on the couch from where you’re bending over the table. Remus wastes no time in wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. He gently presses his lips to your forehead. “Happy birthday, lovely girl.”
“Thank you,” you mumble half-heartedly, grateful but too overwhelmed to show it.
There’s a cut-up chocolate cake in front of you, which Remus had insisted upon baking. He’d honoured your wishes not to throw a big bash, and of not wanting an actual present. He didn’t exactly understand why — but he loved you too much to not do what you wanted him to; birthday or not.
Guilt weighs heavily on your heart; Remus has been kinder than you deserve. You decide to help him understand.
“You know,” you start softly, tilting your head to lay it on his shoulder. He hums in acknowledgement, fingertips grazing your sleeve as he starts to rub your arm. “I didn’t think I would last this long.”
The shakiness in your voice surprises even you. You feel Remus’ hand still on your arm.
“What?” he murmurs. You can’t decipher if the slight lilt to his voice is because of sadness or confusion.
“I didn’t think I would last this long,” you repeat quietly, just to be safe, and you feel his hand coasting across your back as he gently grabs your shoulders. He turns you towards him, and you don’t wait for him to ask before you start to explain. “When I was 13, I couldn’t imagine ever making it this far. I tried to kill myself.”
Remus’ eyes widen the slightest bit as he takes in your sudden admission. His grip on your shoulders doesn’t falter; and it’s like you both know he’s the only thing holding you upright.
When he doesn’t respond, your gaze immediately drops to the couch, shame clouding your eyes.
“I… I didn’t know that.”
The crack in his voice makes you look back up, meeting his gaze. His features are softer, sadder; somehow. There’s the slightest bit of grief in the way he’s regarding you. “Are you glad you made it this far?”
You rub your lips together, taking a shaky breath to make sure your voice comes out evenly. “Yeah,” you exhale softly. “Yeah, I am. I got to meet you.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“No,” you reply honestly. “I love my work. My friends, I really like hanging out with them. And I’d say our apartment is pretty sweet.”
The concern in Remus’ expression is still evident, his brows pinched together almost painfully. His hands bunch up the fabric on your shoulders, tugging you towards him. You’re certain the action is subconscious – he looks lost in thought, like he’s deliberating wrapping you up in his arms and never letting you go.
“Would you like more reasons?” you ask quietly, feeling your vision start to blur. You shouldn’t be surprised that he cares this much, but you are.
When he nods, your heart melts – the magma seems to be pooling in your stomach, and you feel the kind of warmth you’ve only ever been able to feel since you met him.
“Okay,” you decide to indulge him. “I like coffee when I wake up, especially when you make it. Feeding the stray dogs on the side of the road every morning. And my guitar, I like to make music on it. I think music is nice.”
You feel your throat start to clog up, the image of Remus distorting into a blurry swirl in your eyes. “It’s lovely when it rains, especially when we’re both at home, cuddling. And –”
Your voice comes out wobbly, the tears coming hard and fast now. You want to stop, but push on for his sake.
“And I really like our apartment. Did I mention that? Also, your hugs – I love the way you hug. It’s like you really love me, and —”
“I do love you,” Remus interrupts in a shaky exhale, words barely audible from the way his voice is trembling. “I love you, okay? I love you a whole lot. And I’m so glad you’re still with me.”
He doesn’t give you a chance to respond, gently pulling you even closer towards him. You meet him in the middle, arms instinctively wrapping around his waist as he brings his hands up to encircle your shoulders.
Remus squeezes you like it’s his job to hold you together, and you hear a soft sniffle as he buries his face in your hair.
“I’m so glad you’re still here,” he says again. Your heart clenches in your chest, in all the best ways.
“I love you,” you respond, because you both know it’s synonymous with Thank you for giving me a reason to be here.