Internal Struggle - Tumblr Posts
guys. guys you wont believe. it made it onto the quiz. i am shakinf.
OH NO
WE'RE DOING A KAHOOT IN CLASS AND THE TEACHER USED THE PHRASE INTERNAL STRUGGLE IN A QUESTION
I think I opted against posting this because I was "happy" for a time, but for me, that never lasts and most the time it's never even real.
It's all just...
Motionless
Sometimes, I feel motionless and it is something I wish would never leave.
Other times, I feel motionless and want it to go away, to never return to me.
I don't control either of these feelings, but they show how I'm feeling better than I could ever explain.
Sometimes, I'm motionless and everything stops. My fears, stress, and anxiety all stop.
Almost as if whatever I was dealing with has ran its course and is behind me.
Other times, I feel motionless like the world is trapping me in my worries and the future I know nothing about.
Feeling motionless is something I wish would happen more often, but I also wish to cease as well.
I try not to take this for granted. The feeling that I need to stop and pause because there's no rush to get to the end. I should take my time and just be motionless when I need to.
That feeling that the next second I waste doing nothing is only trapping me in my difficult moments. That staying still will only be my downfall.
No matter which one passed my night away, it's happening to remind me of the things that are gone and the things that will come.
As much as I don't wanna write this, I just need to get it out somewhere...
I do struggle with love. Both in loving myself and anyone else. I want affection just like everyone else, but it doesn't come to me. When it does, it's fleeting and I'm unsure if it will ever remain.
Maybe I haven't actually learned to love myself, but I don't know what else there is to love. I've learned to love what others see, I've embraced the darker parts of myself, and want to improve myself always. I don't know how more self-love I can give.
I want something I can't give myself.
And it hurts to think I'll always only love myself and no one will feel the same.