Internalized Homophobia - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
Not to mention…my mother took it upon herself to inform my dad, my grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, and pretty much everyone she could think of about my sexuality. I was not ready. I was so terrified and I told my sister I was gay as a start. I was not ready to come out to everyone in my life or to exist as a gay woman yet. It should have been my choice. It should have been on my timeline. I am very very angry at them. My sister was a child so I can understand it more, but my mother? She was a grown adult. And she thought that she should tell everyone my own deeply personal information without so much as asking me if it was okay. I felt so out of control that day. I never had so much anxiety in my life. My whole body felt shaky and it felt like I was having a heart attack. It just…shouldn’t have happened that way.
Reminiscing on my “coming out.” I was so scared. So small, so shaky. So, so scared for so long. It had been over a year of sexuality related anxiety and OCD taking over my life. It almost drove me to take my life. I didn’t want to be who I knew I was that much. Finally…one day, I got the courage to tell someone. I told my sister. I really said it, I said the words “I’m gay” out loud. I did it. It felt like a relief. I was still terrified and shaky, but I was glad to have another person to hold this with me. And then…that same night my sister outed me to my entire family. She didn’t mean to hurt me. I found out that she had been cutting herself, so I told my mom for her safety. In an effort to take my moms attention off of her cutting, she outed me. In front of her friends and my mothers friends. It hurt me so much because this meant that she viewed being gay as something so bad and horrible that it could top her harming herself. I remember getting that text from my mom, feeling my heart drop out of my chest, feeling my throat tighten up. “____ is saying that you’re a lesbian. Is that true?” my mom texted me. She sounded so accusatory, like she was hoping my sister was lying. When they returned to the house, they looked at me differently. They acted nervous and unsure around me. Like I was some caged animal that could break out at any moment. I will never forget that night. It took me so long and it took so much courage for me to tell my sister, and I needed her support because I didn’t have it in me to give it to myself. But she didn’t give me that. She took my chance to come out on my own terms away from me. And she made it more dangerous for me. My family already treated me differently than my other siblings, but this pushed them over the edge. It was just another thing to other me, to separate me from others. I really understand the pain she was in and the reasoning behind her doing it, but I can’t forgive that. She took something from me that can’t ever be given back.
condition
there are cruel parts of my very being
no matter how deep I bury, they’ll never cease to resurface
alas, If my waking moments are spent mourning what could of been
i’d never live another moment of bliss
I am genuinely so worried for all the young horny dykes going into adulthood thinking there's something "problematic" / "wrong" with them for being horny because fucking tiktok lesbians think any horny dyke content is "male gaze fetishitic"
TW: Internal homophobia (Walburga and Orion nothing could make me like you)
Give me Sirius Black who knew he liked Remus romantically. Who wanted to say something but was stopped by an overwhelming fear of rejection because that was what he’d known all his life (courtesy of his parents).
Sirius knew he liked Remus but anytime someone asked him how he felt he would deny it because he was terrified that it would get back to Remus and it would ruin their relationship forever.
Give me Sirius who knew how he felt about Remus but was scared of it. Scared because he’d been told it was wrong. Scared that Remus would think so too.
Sirius was scared because what Remus thought mattered. He wanted Remus to approve of him. He was scared Remus wouldn’t look at him the same way anymore.
Give me Sirius who was denying his feelings for Remus from himself too. He knew that he was in love but he wouldn’t allow himself to think it because then it would be real.
Sirius was denying his feelings to himself because he didn’t want to feel that way. He just wished he could be normal.
lol one time i played a song about kissing girls and internalized homophobia in front of my dad before i came out and he didn’t even realize it. it just went over his head.
It comes to a point where you just have to ask yourself if the BBC Sherlock writers even read the canon. ACD wrote some incredible works, works that are still constantly being adapted. And what we see in every work is this intense relationship between Sherlock and John. What the writers of BBC have failed to do is read and understand this. What they’re saying is that “Sherlock and John cannot be gay, they don’t have sex with each other, ew!!” Instead of “they’re possibly queer, leaning more on the with Sherlock leaning more on the aroace spectrum, and John leaning more towards women, they would be more of a QPR!” Because they didn’t take the time to understand the complexities of this relationship written at a time where a story of two openly gay men would be wrong. I don’t see them as a QPR, I see them as a romantic couple, but to fight so hard against that, I can only imagine Holmes and Watson as a QPR because there is NO WAY you’re going to look at me, and look at any story they’re in, and tell me “they’re just friends”.
Martin Freeman and Moffat about Johnlock
“Martin Freeman says he’s worried people will think he’s homophobic – because he insists that Sherlock and Dr Watson are not gay.
The actor appears opposite Benedict Cumberbatch in BBC drama series Sherlock, which has long teased fans with hints of romance between the pair.
However, John Watson is now expecting a child with his wife on the show, and Freeman says it’s time for people to accept that the romance just isn’t going to happen.
He told The Sun newspaper: “They’re not actually f***ing. It is possible for people of the same sex to have a deep friendship without being attracted to each other.
“People are attracted to each other in all sorts of ways. You don’t necessarily want to [sleep with] someone because you love them. They respect each other, they bring different things to their friendship.”
He added that he did not want to be interpreted as homophobic by shooting down the rampant online backing for the theory – with some hardcore ‘Johnlock’ fans resorting to fanfiction and erotic art.
He said: “It’s a friendship. Way more has been made in the ether of that relationship than has ever been put in the show.
“The trouble is as soon as you start getting into a dialogue about that, it sounds like you‘re somehow being homophobic.” His comments back up those of the show’s creator Steven Moffat.
Moffat insisted recently: “We walk into that one all the time. It’s a funny thing when a character for over 100 years has been saying, ‘I don’t do that at all.’ He’s been saying it over 100 years! He’s not interested in [sex]. He’s willfully staying away from that to keep his brain pure—a Victorian belief, that. But everyone wants to believe he’s gay. “He’s not gay. He’s not straight. And Doctor Watson is very clear that he prefers women. People want to fantasize about it. It’s fine. But it’s not in the show.”
However, Moffat has previously teased that a scene set in a gay club was cut out of the series due to time constraints.”
Quelle: http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2015/09/26/martin-freeman-insists-sherlock-and-dr-watson-arent-fking/
The sexual tension is very palpable.
*Your Best American Girl by Mitski starts playing*
Lighting and colors are all over the place but who cares, I wanted to draw some Dorsia Boyfriends angst
Inspired by (or rather totally ripped off) that scene in Brokeback Mountain:
This is very out of the blue
But-
Just wanted to talk about
How LITERALLY EVERYONE IN MY LIFE, knew I was Bi, before I did.
And like, there were signs, like, HUGE signs, they were SO obvious.
And I was too homophobic with myself to accept that.
I was completely cool with non straight and non cis people, and supported them 100%.
But when it came to ME, I was just not going to accept it!
Kept INSISTING that I was straight and cis! Like, “I like guys, so I can’t be gay!” “I don’t feel like a guy, so I can’t be trans!” And just wouldn’t let myself accept that I was Bi and Enby.
I even SAID I was Bi, like, before I knew for sure that I wasn’t straight.
I was a tomboy when I was younger, I accidentally came out to my grandma and a random employee at a shoe store-
As I was shopping for shoes with my grandma, I picked out some boyish shoes, and my grandma asked “wouldn’t you want something for girls?”
And out of NOWHERE, I said “They’re not JUST for boys, I should know, I’m bisexual.”
…………
I MEANT to say TOMBOY, which is, which, does not EVEN sound like bisexual.
And I was embarrassed, cause like, HOW?! Does that happen?!
I’m still embarrassed about that to this day!
I’m just HOPING that my grandma forgot about that day, cause it has traumatized me deeply-
Oh, I hope that employee doesn’t remember also-
……
She was cute-
ANYWAYS-
All my friends knew I was Bi, they always asked me if I was Bi. Like, they never asked if I was straight or gay, or pan….they just asked if I was Bi!
I’m not upset about it, it’s just so weird that I was so self conscious about that for so long!
I had cuffed jeans that I liked wearing when I was younger, but because everyone kept saying I was Bi because of the cuffs, I ended up cutting the cuffs to go down. That’s how self conscious I was!
It took A LOT of time for me to accept that I was not straight.
But when I finally accepted it, it felt, so awesome!
When I came out, literally, no one was surprised.
They were all like “We already knew that.” And I was like “But HOW?! How did you all know before I did?”
And all they had to say was “We just got that vibe from you-“
And like, yeah, looking back on literally EVERYTHING I’VE EVER DONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE-
I see it. And should’ve definitely known sooner.