It Felt Gradual - Tumblr Posts

Seasons came and went; he broke your heart in the icy winter, you learned to fill the hollow in your chest by spring - as the cherry blossoms that reminded you so much of him blossomed - and by the beginnings of summer, you liked to believe you were alright, sort of." god damn writer u pulled my heart with these few sentences this was incredibly heart touching and beautiful wording 🥺❣

“I know I broke your heart but let me put it back together again.”  😭😭😭 this was so cute!! at the same time I'm like hwa please 🤨 don't act like that again! but men will be men as usual haha

how you get the girl - park seonghwa

"say it's been a long six months and you were too afraid to tell her what you want. and that's how it works, that's how you get the girl. and then you say; i want you for worse or for better, i would wait for ever and ever, broke your heart, i'll put it back together, i would wait for ever and ever"

pairing: park seonghwa x fem!reader

genre: fluff, angst if you really really squint

word count: 1.8k

warnings: hwa being dumb

author's note: thank you so so so much to @hoonieversed for proofreading this for me, you're literally an angel <3 this is quite literally a brain rot generated by cutting up strawberries while listening to how you get the girl by taylor swift and thinking of seonghwa,,, yeah.

masterlist | navi

Six months since he disappeared from your life leaving a hollow right in your chest. You would be foolish to say that you did not want him anymore even after so long, even when he left without an explanation. 

“I just think we don’t work anymore.”

That was all he had left you with, no more, no less. And what could you do if not let him go? You couldn’t force him to stay with you if that was not what he wanted anymore. It hurt like hell, but you foolishly kept telling yourself that he would be back if he really loved you. Delusion? Perhaps. Some “if you love them, you have to let them go” type bullshit. That was what you chose to believe. What you had to believe to not fall apart.

Seasons came and went; he broke your heart in the icy winter, you learned to fill the hollow in your chest by spring - as the cherry blossoms that reminded you so much of him blossomed - and by the beginnings of summer, you liked to believe you were alright, sort of. Now, you would be lying saying you did not want answers for whatever was on his mind when he broke up with you. You also started hating the part of you that still loved him - that still cared - anyway.

The cashier’s cough pulled you from your thoughts, looking at you expectantly once your eyes focused back on them. Right, you needed to pay. You handed over the cash with a sheepish smile, quickly accepting the change and picking up the bag of groceries. Faced with the automated doors of the supermarket you sighed in surrender; the rain was unforgiving tonight. You made a beeline for your car, muttering curses under your breath for forgetting your umbrella. 

A short car ride later, and another mad-dash under the downpour, and you were in the comfort of your apartment, sighing in relief. After a hot shower, you put together a quick dinner to enjoy on the couch; a little treat to end the horrible week coming now to an end. 

Only, when you turned on the TV, his favorite movie was playing. You let out an exaggerated groan of frustration, more so because, once again, you thought of him. Only the pitter patter of the rain outside gave you small comfort, like it always had. You switched to Netflix quickly, a bitter taste in your mouth upon realizing stupid, trivial things like these could still get a reaction out of you. And it was safe to say that your mood only soured when the doorbell rang, interrupting the near-perfect peace and quiet of your apartment. You sighed, getting up, wondering who it could be so late at night. 

Apparently, the last person you expected it to be.

“Are you insane?” were the first words that left your mouth upon seeing him standing at the entrance, big brown eyes pleading and wet like a dog. Not bad for the first interaction you had with him in six months. 

Seonghwa stood there like a ghost, hair wet and clothes clinging to him as if he had walked under the rain to get there. Had he? You stood there, looking in each other’s eyes, trying to have a silent conversation. 

Are you just going to stand there and not say anything? 

Please, let me in, let me explain. 

Why should I? 

Conflicted, you still cracked the door open a little wider. His eyes lit up for the briefest of moments but he stood his ground, refusing to move until you said so. You jerked your head, motioning him to come in. You couldn’t just turn him away. 

“Hold on” you said, disappearing down the hallway only to emerge a minute later with a big towel and slippers. He silently accepted them, quick to discard his wet shoes and quickly pat his hair down after closing the door behind him.

You stood, stealing glances, not really knowing what to say given the absurdity of the situation. This was not what you had planned for the night in the slightest. Your head was just about to explode with the amount of questions spinning around in it. You thought you’d never see him again.

“I’m sorry for showing up out of the blue,” his voice was quiet and low and you couldn’t help but scoff. “It’s been a long six months and I… I wanted to talk.”

“Talk?” shocked could barely cover what you were feeling right then. He wanted to talk? “Couldn’t you have texted?” 

Seonghwa must have sensed the frustration in your voice, you saw it in the way his shoulders sagged a bit. 

“I was walking by and-” he sighed. “I don’t know, I just wanted to see you.”

Oh, this was rich. 

“Weren’t you the one who suggested not doing that ever again?” you crossed your arms, voice accusatory. You could not believe this in any capacity. You sighed, after all, wasn’t this what you wanted all along? For him to show up and give you answers? Looking back at him and seeing him stand there, a little lost, a little afraid, made your heart twist. You silently led him to the kitchen, where he sat and waited as you fixed up hot tea for the both of you. 

“I was afraid,” he said, still not meeting your eyes, when you set his cup down in front of him. Your eyes widened a bit, not expecting this from him at all. You sat down, suddenly with shaky legs. 

“I was too afraid to tell you what I really wanted,” finally, he looked at you, that familiar look of sadness in his eyes making your heart speed up the littlest bit. “Which I don’t know how translated into me leaving you, I must’ve lost my mind. I’m sorry.”

There was a part of you, the one who had kicked in when he left, that was resisting against it. That was reminding you of all the ways you had grown to be without him, of how you could do it alone. Then there was another, a bigger, part of you pulling at your heart, saying that yes, you could live without him, but you did not want to. 

“I don’t know if sorry will cut it, Seonghwa.” Despite this, you felt yourself giving in, which you still were not sure was a good thing. 

“Don’t you miss it?” he asked, leaning closer. Your breath hitched. “How things used to be when we were together? I do. I miss waking up to you, talking to you, hell, I just miss you.” 

Of course you did, who were you trying to kid. You missed how he always made sure to pack your lunch when he packed his, how he knew to hold you a little tighter when you were stressed beyond belief and whispered sweet nothings in your ear until you fell asleep. When you came back home after a long day and found that he had let himself in with his spare key, and was waiting for you with a warm meal ready. And how after, a little tipsy from the wine, he would suggest dancing. How you would not have time to answer that he was already pulling your giggling figure off the chair and into his arms, gently swaying around the kitchen as he sang softly.

He was so attentive, so loving, everything you ever wanted. You missed loving him, being loved by him.

“Why?” you despised the tears burning in your eyes, blurring the sight of his face. A beat of silence. You blinked, letting the tears fall, seeing him in no better condition.

“I was afraid I needed you more than you needed me,” he whispered. Your heart gave a painful tug in your chest, mind racing, asking how could he believe something so untrue. 

Silence hung thick in the room and Seonghwa started doubting his decision of showing up. His heart was beating to the rhythm of the word stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course you wouldn’t want anything to do with him after he broke your heart in such a way, of course you would have nothing to say to him anymore. But something inside him broke, and all that he had kept bottled up for months came pouring out of his mouth in a shaky, stumbling rant.

“I never wanted anyone else but you. I want you for worse or for better, and I know I don’t deserve another chance, but I would wait forever for you. I won’t be the same idiot again. I should’ve talked to you back then and I’ve been kicking myself over it all this time.” 

And there they were, the words you had wanted, yearned, to hear for six months. Big, brown, desperate eyes staring at you and all. In them, you searched the love you were so used to seeing, a soft gasp leaving your lips when you found it. 

“I know I broke your heart but let me put it back together again.” 

You sat, numb, words failing you, as you let your emotions wash over you like a bucket of ice-cold water. There was no doubt in your mind that you still loved him, that you wanted him. Floored by the apology of the century, the wildest dream of anyone wanting their person back, you didn’t notice the hopeful look in his watery eyes vanishing, his shoulders dropping.

“I’ll go,” Seonghwa smiled curtly, beginning to stand. You pulled him back down by the hand, heart beating so loudly in your chest that you were afraid he was going to hear it. 

“I don’t want you to,” his eyes widened upon hearing your words. 

There were a lot of things you knew Park Seonghwa to be, and one of them was being genuine. He had never lied to you, not now, not when he left you. Yes, he should have talked to you, but even then he had acted on what he believed to be the truth. 

“Really?” his voice was barely above a whisper, eyes searching for any indication of the opposite on your face. 

“Seonghwa, you quite literally got the girl,” a small smile tugged at your lips as he still looked at you, lost. “You better know how to keep her this time” 

His wide, beaming smile melted your heart, you had not seen it in a while. You hoped you got to see it forever. You pulled him into you and he happily welcomed you in his arms, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. You felt his tears wet your skin, just as yours were his shirt. 

“Please never believe that I don’t need you, Seonghwa,” you whispered against his chest. 

“I promise.” 

Seonghwa knew this hurt he put you both through was all his fault. Of all the mistakes he had ever made, giving you away was his worst one yet. He would never let go of you, never again, not when you were the only thing he had ever gotten right.