It Will Always Do What Is Most Interesting - Tumblr Posts

The thing is that Dean and his abandonment issues wants Castiel to stay, despite the fuck ups and the blame and the anger, he needs him to stay as proof that he’s not toxic that he can have good things and not break them

But Castiel, and his guilt chose to leave because that is his penance. Why does he deserve to be happy when he has caused so much suffering? How can he look at Dean smile at him when he’s fucked up so much? He needs to leave because how could he be around Dean like he isn’t a living monument to all the ways his fuck ups hurt the ones he loves.

Cas wants to help the brothers, so he leaves. He’s caused them so much pain what right does he have to be around them, when he can be out there getting them information, finding things they need, helping fix their problems. This is his penance. Because no matter how hard he rebelled or how far he fell Castiel has an innate, almost primal need to be holy, to be absolved of his mistakes and sins. And he’s made so many mistakes where else can he find penance but in misery?

And in almost every episode Dean is in some way or form asking Castiel if he'll stay this time, and every-time Cas says no. And Dean can be mean, he’s s a deeply angry man, and so every no seems like proof that he’s pushed him to far that this is it this is when Cas says he's had enough. He's not gonna stay and be screamed or laughed at anymore. Dean’s finally succeeded in driving him away as he does anyone that’s ever given a damn about him. That this is proof of how toxic he is; after all Castiel is a creature with wings, all he wants to do is fly, and here Dean is trying to keep him in a cage.

The more Cas leaves on his own, the more Dean feels the need to give him a reason too.

The ways in which we punish ourselves; depriving ourselves of the ways in which we love.

The narrative’s doomed them from the start.