Its So Pathetic That I'm Head Over Heels For Him - Tumblr Posts

TEXTING.

tags: fluff, awkwardness in relationships, established relationships,

taglist: n/a currently.

characters: sae itoshi, reader.

word count: 970

extra notes: repost from my thread fic on here, again not gonna be all fancy sadly. will be writing some on here from now on.

sae itoshi was what people called an enigma. even after being with him for a little under half a year, you didn’t get certain mannerisms. why did he push his bangs back like that? what happened between him and his brother? why did his eyes show so much more expression than the rest of his face?

all of that seemed too distant to be solved. you just hoped he’d tell you one day. but in the meantime? you had to find small ways to help him with things he struggled with. namely, physical and verbal affection.

he was a bit better with physical affection. maybe it was because every small touch ignited feelings you didn’t know people could have. but you still had to think of a way to make him feel more comfortable.

that was why you had suggested this seemingly silly concept of texting while in bed. it was a way to communicate then build up to more. he didn’t realize you were serious until you directly told him you were.

why he cocked a brow before agreeing, you didn’t know. it still landed you on distant sides of his luxurious bed. he hadn’t typed a word, but he had been on your chat the entire time. 

making the first move, you typed first.

— etc. is typing…

‘you remind me of a red panda.’

there wasn’t any noise in response, just shifting.

— saeitoshi. is typing…

‘What?’

you giggled.

— etc. is typing…

‘you remind me of a red panda. one of those big ones that look like they’re always mad.’

— saeitoshi. is typing…

‘Thank you?’

‘That doesn’t make any sense though.’

— etc. is typing…

‘does it need to?’

— saeitoshi. is typing… 

‘I guess not.’

there was a second of a pause while he typed another message out.

‘You remind me of a starfish.’

— etc. is typing…

‘that seems mean??’

‘are you calling me lazy??’

— saeitoshi. is typing…

‘You can be’

‘Not why I said it though’

‘Seagulls are known for carrying around starfish. I carry you around a lot from place to place.’

you were about to type another message before he had to toss one little thing in.

‘Then you laze around in that place.’

— etc. is typing…

‘that was gonna be sweet :C’

‘can’t even be too nice for a second?’

— saeitoshi. is typing…

‘I was.’

— etc. is typing…

‘k then, would you still love me if I was a starfish??’

— saeitoshi. is typing…

‘??’

you could hear a scoff come from over your shoulder.

‘Did you suddenly turn into one or were you born a starfish??’

‘I wouldn’t be attracted to something born a starfish. I would take care of you if you were turned into one’

— etc. is typing…

‘so we aren’t star crossed soulmates?’

— saeitoshi. is typing…

‘I don’t get your whole deal with soulmates.’

— etc. is typing…

‘seriously??????’

‘soulmates are such a fun concept, you don’t want to be destined to be with someone for life??????’

— saeitoshi. is typing…

a pause.

— saeitoshi. is typing…

‘Maybe, it doesn’t seem realistic though’

— etc. is typing.

‘you don’t understand true love…’

‘i’ll pretend you undoubtedly believe in soulmates.’

shockingly, you heard a shift in the bed. as you turned your head around, sae had rolled over to face you. there wasn’t even a second of hesitation as you did the same thing.

then you had to think of another conversation prompt.

— etc. is typing…

‘your fave song doesn’t fit you like i thought it would’

you glanced up to see sae’s eyebrow raised.

— saeitoshi. is typing…

‘It doesn’t need to.’

‘It helps me focus while I’m working out, isn’t that enough to make it a favorite song?’

you let out a gentle hum. you could start to inch towards more pretty easily. all you needed to do was dip your toes into the water.

— etc. is typing.

‘then play it?’

‘C:’

there was pure silence. you didn’t look at your phone, instead at the soft expression of sae. he only shifted a bit before the virtual clicking came from his phone. his nail pressed against the screen before the music started.

it was enjoyable at first. you felt yourself ease in his presence. his eyes drifted to your’s.

“it still isn’t that good.”

sae hummed, “i think it’s good. you’re ust being picky.”

“like you aren’t the pickiest of them all?”

neither of you were actually intending this. it wasn’t a conscious movement, instead a natural one you weren’t even thinking about. yet as your body inched closer and closer, you started to forget about what you were saying. they were words without meaning. actions had ripped that right away from them.

your leg flopped on top of sae’s, and his arm rested on your waist. at some point, your head had started to press against sae’s chest. even though you both had to adjust to look at the other, it seemed like neither of you had noticed the position.

and once you noticed, you had absolutely no intention of showing it. “hey sae?”

“yeah?”

“your heart is beating really fast, did you know that?”

“oh,” a pause, “i’m sure your heart is beating just as fast.” 

it was a rare notion of romantic confidence from him that you couldn’t help but smile at.

“it is.”

“… let me listen to your heartbeat before you go to sleep. i can even use your wrist to listen.”

“huh?”

as sae set his phone down, he grabbed your wrist and pulled it to his ear. the soft thumping of your heart sped up. only a very gentle scoff escaped him as a reaction to it. you hoped that meant he hadn’t noticed.

“sleep… sleep well sae.”

with a gentle kiss to the wrist, he spoke, “you too.” he really could’ve be a killer romantic if he wasn’t so awkward…

the boy you loved (sae i.) !

features: sae i.

contents: angst. hurt no comfort. mild swearing. toxic realtionship. nostalgia. reader flinches. door slam. breakup. it hurts sorry lol. 1.8k words.

to the world, sae itoshi was a catch. he is a pro athlete, beautiful, and rich, everything someone could ever want in a partner. sae itoshi is at the pinnacle of his sport at the age of eighteen years old. he was at the forefront of it for longer.

fame has changed sae itoshi.

you knew sae itoshi before the world did. you knew him before the flashing cameras and cheering crowds, back when he couldn’t even kick a soccer ball without falling flat on his ass. sae itoshi was awkward, dorky, and kind. sae itoshi was the boy you loved.

it all began to change when he slowly climbed the ranks of soccer. his goofy grins became more mellowed, shyness turning to aversion. but most of all, he was no longer kind. sae itoshi was no longer the sweet boy who would hold your hand as you walked to school. sae itoshi was no longer to considerate boy that made sure to have your favorite snacks at his home. sae itoshi was no longer the tender-hearted boy who you fell in love with.

sae itoshi is now a man who’s as foreign to you as a stranger.

yet, for some reason, you can’t seem to let him slip through your fingers. nor can he let you slip from his. in a never ending cycle one always ends up crawling back to the other. like some twisted kind of soulmates you can never escape each other.

you loved sae itoshi the boy, but sae itoshi the man is a whole other story.

loving the man, sae itoshi, is many things, but it is not easy.

loving sae itoshi is tiring.

sitting up on the couch of his apartment for the nth night in a row, waiting and watching the door like a dog for him to come home. 

sae was incredibly dedicated to his sport, staying till the sun died. he just wanted one thing when he came home: to see you. the first thing he wanted to see when he got home was you. the notion had your head spinning and heart pounding when he so boldly proclaimed it.

but now, when you sit on the couch like a wilted flower, you begin to question just how flattering it was. your eyes ached from keeping them open for so long, the soft glow of the lamps beginning to slowly drive you insane.

this empty apartment is exhausting. but you couldn’t blame him. his schedule is bound to be busy, he is a professional athlete, after all.

the lock clicks as your head raises from the phone in your hands. he walks in and looks at you, before immediately walking away. your heart cracks a little more every time this happens.

he is a ritualistic man, it seemed saying “hi” or “missed ya” would throw it off too much.

so, you stand and walk to the bedroom, tucking yourself under the covers while the gentle flow of the shower lulls you to sleep.

you feel the bed slightly dip sometime later into the night, but the wave of sleep sweeps you back under the surface immediately after. what you do not feel: is warmth or an arm around you.

loving sae itoshi is stressful.

sae leaves for long periods of time consistently. you accept that he cannot always be home, but you ask that he at least texts you moderately.

sae has a habit of ghosting people when he’s away, then just coming back like he’s greater than thou. not like it’s the first time it’s happening.

he’s been gone for two weeks now and hasn’t said a single thing to you. no texts, no calls, nothing. you were worried. you trusted him, it’s not that. he’s just so far away, what if something happened and the last thing he said to you was “bye,” when he left the home for the airport two weeks ago.

you don’t want to think like this, but this new sae was brash in a way that would get him hurt one day. he spoke his mind with no sense of self-preservation, he had no idea of customs in other countries, and he wouldn’t take one damn minute to text you a single word.

so you call rin, asking him with a quiver in your voice if he’s heard from sae. he hasn’t. but can’t help the choked whine that slams in your chest, quickly thanking him and hanging up. your eyes begin to well tears as you pace the empty apartment that seems a lot more foreboding than exhausting now.

crystalline drops run over your face as you desperately try to calm yourself, you were being dramatic. sae always was there to hold you when you cried as a kid, but now you were crying alone because of that same sweet boy.

you fall asleep on the couch that night, not able to bear the vast emptiness of the bed that was meant to be shared.

loving sae itoshi is slamming doors.

sae was back soon enough, walking into the apartment as if nothing had happened. he watched as you remained seated, not rising to excitedly greet him like your normally would. his brow furrowed as he left it, leaving you on the couch again when he returned home to unpack.

sae itoshi would rather let a problem steep and fester than deal with it directly. the boy you loved would stutter out of concernwith the most adorable flush on his rounded cheeks. but this man was a shell of the boy who loved you, the boy who still holds your one and only heart.

“what’s up with you?” his words come out abrasive as he stands in the bedroom doorway, one hand idly towel-drying his hair while the other was poised against his hip. he had a way of making it feel like you were the problem.

“what’s up with me?! sae you ghosted me for nearly three weeks, do you know how worried i was?” your own voice punches out of your chest before you can bite your tongue to hold back the words. watching as his eyes widen and he gets that haughty look on his face, you hated that look, that sneer.

he spoke with a venom, green eyes drilling into your form. “i’m a grown man, you don’t need to fuss over me. get over it, we’re not snot-nosed brats anymore, y/n.” you felt yourself flinch back as he ended his sentence with a punctuated scoff. he turned and shut the door a little louder than needed, you flinched back as it slammed: slightly shaking on its hinges.

now that he was gone, the tears flowed free again. you really were still a snot-nosed brat, weren’t you? the thought was mocking as the vast apartment began to feel more and more like a cage.

you fell asleep on the couch with dried rivers of tears shed staining your cheeks, nose rubbed raw from incessantly wiping it on your sleeve.

loving sae itoshi is nostalgic.

sae isn’t all bad nowadays. sometimes you could see the sweet boy that put bandaids on your scraped knees peek through.

in the light of the early morning, his eyes are bright and the soft glow makes his face feel more soft. it reminds you of waking up from sleepovers at the itoshi house, sae’s sleepy face and his messy bed hair.

when he plays football you are reminded of the boy who couldn’t shoot without falling flat on his face. you remember kissing the tip of his reddened nose while wiping the tears that threaten to escape from the corners of his sea-glassy eyes.

when he’s eating his dinner, you see the boy who stuffed his face with puffy cheeks. you see the boy who shoveled food into his mouth after practice, insisting that he needed to grow.

sae itoshi was still the boy you fell in love with, he was just a little lost.

times like this forced you to acknowledge that it was not actually his past self shining through. rather, it was you so desperately looking for any semblance of a shred of the boy who you once loved.

sae itoshi is no longer the boy you fell in love with, that boy died when he went to spain.

loving sae itoshi is hard.

this decision wasn’t easy. everytime the thought even crossed your mind you felt your eyes sting and your nose run hot. 

but the truth was inevitable and unforgiving. passing moments of joy could no longer help alleviate the aching pain that echoed in the deepest expanses of your soul.

sae itoshi was no longer the boy who you fell in love with, it was the inevitable truth.

you didn’t believe that sae loved you any longer, rather coexisting with you as stability.

you don’t ever want to be a roommate to your partner.

you needed to break up with sae itoshi, to let go of the boy who was so long gone. 

for once in your life, the apartment did not feel so bad. it felt like being in your childhood home for the last time before going off to college.

sae was off today, you planned it so he would be, not wanting to spring it one him before or after practice.

“sae, we need to talk."

sae knew he had messed up when he heard those words come from your mouth. but the safety net of your unconditional love had spoiled him. so he did not expect for you to leave.

when you said you were leaving, it began to wear. but it was still there, so he expected that you would be coming back soon.

when weeks turned to months with nothing but occasional passing conversations, he began to sweat.

sae itoshi, the ultimate catch, had just lost the love of his life.

the net snapped as he was left falling, plunging into an endless regret. sae itoshi was reminded of every single time he had given you the cold shoulder. every single time he was ruder than necessary. every single time he had forgotten he loved you.

sae itoshi knew he was no longer the boy you loved. but you are still the kid that he fell in love with, the only one who captured his heart.

and he pushed you away.

and damn, it hurt like hell when his apartment began to feel eerily empty without you, a bed meant to be shared becoming cold without another body in it.

sae itoshi realized how you had felt the entire time.

okkotsuus 23