John Shelby Imagine - Tumblr Posts

Hello! Can I request John with "Do you actually love me?"

Hi there @kpoploverxx-12 ! Thanks so much for sending this in! I’m sorry it took so long for me to write it! I hope you like what I did with it! This is my favorite John fic that I’ve written in a long time….it might even be my favorite fic of this celebration. Enjoy! :)

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! - YOUR COMMENTS & REBLOGS HELP ME WRITE!

Part of my 3.5k Celebration — find more stories here!

Exactly Like That

John Shelby x Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 683

Summary: Two friends become a something a little more than that when John lets those three words slip.

John and (Y/N) were sitting on the bank of the Cut, like they usually do. They’d gone there nearly every Friday for the last ten years, spare the years when John was away at war. Whenever he’d come home though, they’d somehow find themselves sitting there.

In a way, it became like their therapy. The calming sound of the water flowing became the backdrop that the two would share their goings on to.

It was there that these two became closer to each other than anyone else in their lives.

John just finished telling (Y/N) what was happening in his family. She was the one person who would listen to everything and not tell a soul. She did so because she knew John would do the same for her. They were both thankful for each other in that regard.

“You’ll get through it, John. You always do,” she said to him, a smile forming as she turned to face him. “And hey, if you don’t, I know that I’ve got a handsome amount of money coming my way,” she joked then, cracking up at her own statement.

John couldn’t help but laugh. Her laughter was like music to his ears. It always instantly put him in a better mood. “I love you,” he admitted once his laughter died down and he’d been watching at her as she came down from her fit of giggles from a few moments ago.

“Yeah,” she agreed, not really hearing what he said at first. Silence fell over them as (Y/N) looked down to the water again. Then it clicked. “Do you actually love me?” she asked, a seriousness present in her voice that hadn’t been there seconds ago. This conversation had essentially changed tones on a dime.

“Yeah, course I do,” John responded without a second thought.

(Y/N) froze for a moment, her heart rate quickening. “Yeah, well not like that, right?” she scrambled to ask while mentally telling herself to calm down and not get ahead of herself.

John’s eyes danced over her face for a moment, taking her features in before the slightest smile graced his lips. “No, exactly like that,” he spoke with sincerity, like it was the most important thing he’d ever said.

(Y/N) let out a breath, her eyes going wide as she quickly looked straight again. She was freaking out now, and she didn’t want him to see it. In all their years of friendship, she never thought that things would get to this point…where she’d make her feelings for him known.

Nothing was said as John reached over and gently took hold of (Y/N)’s chin so that he could guide her eyes back to his. They held eye contact for a few moments, the air around them holding this weird tension that neither of them had experienced before.

John just had to break it. “I love you, (Y/N). Have since you and I was kids,” he told her, speaking softly due to their proximity, but she heard every word clear as day. She also didn’t miss his eyes as they flitted down to her lips. There was no hesitation in her moving the slightest bit closer to him, showing him that she wanted exactly what he wanted. He licked his lips before continuing, “…been wantin’ to do this for a long time too,” he breathed, giving her no time to respond - if she even wanted to - before he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

The kiss felt exactly like those kisses that are described in the romance novels…the ones that sweep people off of their feet. (Y/N) was thankful that they were sitting, because otherwise she wasn’t sure if she could trust her legs to hold her up.

“I love you too, John,” she breathed against his lips once they broke the kiss. Her eyes were closed, but she was able to feel his smile, and that alone made her smile. Nothing else was said as their lips met again…nothing more was needed to be said.

**tags in reblogs so that hopefully they get sent

MASTERLIST

Simple

Sorry in advance this is the first time I try to write so it's not good and english is not my language so sorry for the mistakes I’m so nervous

It is 7 am the sun rises outside, you can hear the cries of the children playing, the engine noise of the passing cars and the slamming doors. The bedroom is silent, the bed is still warm, occupied by two sleeping entwined bodies. Gently sleep leaves John and his eyes start to move under his closed eyelid, he lets out a sigh and while being careful not to wake the sleeping woman in his arms he stretches. John gets up, goes to the bathroom and after a quick shower goes back to the bedroom.From the door against which he is leaning he looks thoughtfully at his girlfriend,he has full projects on his mind and John is a person with charisma and a confident nature. He knows what he wants and what he is worth, but this woman in this bed has always managed to make him nervous, makes him think before acting which for John is not always obvious. He is rather the type to act on the moment like a soldier, a man of action so for John Shelby patience is not innate but he is also a loyal man on whom we can count and he hopes that is what that she sees in him when she looks at him from the other end of a room. A man she can count on but also a loving partner who will give her what she wants and needs, he is aware that being with a Shelby is not easy but she waited for his  return from the war for four years and despite difficult moments their relationship came out stronger .

In a few weeks it will be their sixth anniversary and when he approaches his wardrobe that he opens as silently as possible and grabs this pretty velvet box his heart cannot help but get carried away.His head filled with thoughts but none of them makes him doubt his choice, so softly he walks to the bed and lies down beside her.He raises his hand and lays it tenderly on her arm which he caresses then leans over and comes to rub his lips on her  cheek then her mouth, he felt her smile against him, little by little she wakes up thanks to the tenderness of the one she affectionately call my man.

She opens her eyes and plunges into that deep lagoon look which makes her instinctively shiver, she raises her hand which she places on his cheek and caresses with her fingertips amazed as always at the tenderness which John shows towards her.

"hum you smell good" she said softly with a smile on her lips as she pressed herself against him. Her head on his chest, she can hear his heart speed up and his breathing slightly faster than usual. "all right?" she asks him raising her head to study his face

"It all depends” he said mysteriously

“on what?”

 on your answer," he said, raising his hand in which hides this object that weighs so heavy and keeps all his hopes. He sits taking her with him watching her expressions attentively hoping to see her eyes shine with joy

"John" is the only thing she can say breathlessly with the emotion evident in her voice "I still remember the first time I saw you sitting on the wall that separates the schoolyard  in your blue dress, you had a smile on your lips and you were yelling to your friends that you could touch the sky "

"I remember especially that after that sitting on the class chair was painful" she said, bursting out laughing

"I'm not really romantic you know that, I haven't planned a big speech I just want you to know that I have never loved anyone like I love you and who makes me want to give the best of myself. If you don't mind going all the way with me until our hair is gray and lifting our asses of our chairs is the biggest challenge "he said with a smile and a deep look  opening the box revealing a white gold ring with an emerald in the middle

"nothing would make me happier than seeing you get upset with your cane""she tells him teasingly holding out her hand so he can puts the ring on her finger, which he did with enthusiasm  and kissed her passionately.

This was so cute

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ RED LIPSTICK ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

━━ you feel flattered when charlie shelby asks to marry you while your husband feels like he could strangle his nephew

word count: 2014

pairing: fem!reader x john shelby

warnings: none

The Shelby's were always your family.

From a young age, you had been a Shelby. Even though you weren't blood-related, they were more of a family than your actual family could ever be.

While you and Ada were nearest in age, you had always been closest with John.

It didn't matter whether you were two youthful teenagers messing around or two passionate lovers who tried to find their place in the world.

You and John had always been each other's priority.

So, it came as no surprise when you turned out being pregnant by John at the age of sixteen.

You and John happily married each other as Arthur walked you down the aisle.

The day that your first daughter had been born was the day that John vowed to you that he would grant you more children if that was what made you happy.

So, you had five more kids after Katie.

Even though your life was far from ideal, you still loved it with every fiber in your body.

John was an incredible husband. He was always faithful to you and constantly made an effort to spend as much time as he could with you and the kids.

A particular thing that he loved to do was to spoil you. Anytime you even merely glimpsed at a dress, the following day it would be hanging in your wardrobe.

You had frequently told John that he didn't have to purchase you expensive items, but he constantly said that he loved to do it.

Tonight, you were wearing a black dress that John had bought you for a gala that would be hosted by one of Tommy's business partners.

You were seated on the bench that stood in front of your bed as you slipped on your heels. A giggle escaped your mouth as you felt John's wet kisses on the side of your neck as he crept onto you from behind.

“John, we can't do this right now,” you said while your husband wrapped his arms around you.

“We can do whatever the fuck we want,” he muttered against the base of your throat as his hands roamed over your body.

You tilted your head back onto his shoulder, which gave him more access to your neck.

“Fucking hell, love,” John mumbled as a grin appeared on his chiseled face.

Just before he could get any further, you heard the door to your shared bedroom open, revealing your third-born son.

“Mummy! Tell Katie to stop putting makeup on me!” He cried out, entirely ignoring John who looked like he was done with his life.

John loved your kids, he really did. But he can't stop questioning why they won't ever leave the two of you alone for more than five minutes.

Fred ran over to you before leaping onto your lap as he buried his face into your neck, which John had been harassing a few moments prior.

“Bloody hell, Fred. What'd Katie do to your face?” John asked his son as he caught a glimpse of red lipstick smeared all over his face and a deep green eye shadow covering the lids of his eye.

“She put it all over my face!” He hissed while he attempted to conceal his face into your neck as deep as he could.

“That's not true, mum! He asked me to do it for him!” You heard Katie yell from her room while Fred settled down in your arms.

John let out a groan before getting off the bed to get a damp cloth to get the cosmetics off his son's face.

While he went to the bathroom, you caressed Fred's back soothingly which lulled him to sleep along with your consoling flower perfume which you had applied earlier that evening.

When John returned, you carefully turned your son in your arms before softly wiping the makeup from his face.

After having made sure that his face was spotless you stood up to carry him to his chamber while John watched you quietly.

You put Fred to bed before making sure that all of your other children were all safe and sound in their beds.

You kissed them all on their forehead as they told you a 'goodnight mum' before you switched off the light and made your way back to your shared room.

When you entered your room, you noticed John slumping against the headboard while he stared at the wall opposite of him.

“John?” You leaned against the door frame as he glanced at you before he clambered off the bed and made his way towards you.

Your husband tugged you into his taller frame while kissing you gently. He kissed the corner of your mouth before he lowered his lips to your jaw. When he reached your neck, he instantly pulled back as a disgusted look was present on his handsome features.

You furrowed your brows curiously as he stormed off towards the bathroom that was attached to your bedroom.

A few moments later you followed him only to see him holding his tongue under the water.

When he looked up at the mirror where he saw your figure, he gestured to his neck as the water got all over him.

“Gret hot uhin mahuh aw awe joh ek,” he mumbled as you frowned with a perplexed look on your face.

“What now?” John rolled his eyes before repeating the same sentence. When he noticed that you weren’t going to comprehend what he said, he turned off the water before turning to you.

“Fred got fucking makeup all over your neck,” he snarled, which made you look in the mirror where you glimpsed red and green lipstick stained on your neck.

“Oh,” you simply said before grabbing a damp towel to get it off your neck while John went to change his clothes so that he would look appropriate tonight.

After having scrubbed your neck, you made your way downstairs. John was already waiting at the front door with an adoring smile on his face as you put on your coat.

“You ready love?” You nodded at your husband, taking his outstretched arm before making your way to his car.

During the car ride to the Arrow house, you chatted John's ear off, which he didn't mind even if he whined about it.

Briefly afterward, you reached your destination before you made your way inside where the rest of the Shelby's stood.

“You're finally here! I was beginning to think that you two got lost,” Arthur exclaimed as he caught sight of you.

“Nah, the kids were being pissy,” John wrapped his arm around your waist, catching the lingering stares of the men who surrounded you.

You greeted all of your in-laws before going to stand next to Tommy, who was supervising Charlie.

“How's Charlie?” Tommy turned to you, allowing his eyes to leave Charlie for the first time that night, which provided him the opportunity to take off.

“He's alright. How're the kids?”

“They're alright,” you echoed, which made his lips turn upwards slightly.

“I-” Tommy was rapidly cut off as he noticed Charlie nearing the two of you with a cheeky smile on his child like features.

You scrunched up your face in disarray at Tommy's interruption before you followed his sight line and noticed Charlie.

The young boy had slicked his hair back with water and had requested Polly to make sure that he looked decent.

The two of you silently stared at Charlie as he cleared his throat before extending his arm out towards you.

“Dear Miss. Y/l/n allow me this dance,” you noticed that he resorted to using your maiden name and that he addressed you with Miss instead of Mrs.

You and Tommy shared an amused glance before you accepted his offer.

“Of course Mr. Shelby,” you took his arm, having to bent down slightly because he was five.

He chose a spot in the middle of the room before he turned back to you and made you pick him up so that you were in the same eye line.

“You look extremely beautiful. As usual, of course,” he rambled nervously with negligibly flush cheeks while you danced softly from side to side.

“Thank you sir. You look very handsome if you ask me,” you remarked with a kind smile on your face, which made him giggle giddily.

John had been searching for you for the past ten minutes after having closed an agreement with one of their business partners.

He had felt exceptionally pleased with himself and was thrilled to tell his wife about his triumph.

When he asked Polly about your whereabouts, but she told him that she saw you last with Tommy.

So now he was making his way to his older brother who was staring off somewhere with a fond smile on his face while Arthur was cracking up beside to him.

“Tommy, have you seen Y/n? Can’t find her anywhere,” Tommy and Arthur turned towards their younger brother before they swapped an amused look.

“Careful there John-boy little Charlie is planning to steal your wife,” Arthur laughed loudly which drew in some unwanted attention.

John furrowed his brows as he followed Arthur’s finger which was pointing at Charlie, who had enveloped his legs around his wife’s waist while she swayed from side to side with a smile on her face.

“That little fucker,” John mumbled under his breath as Arthur laughed even harder if that was achievable, and a small grin arose on Tommy’s face.

Polly and Micheal drew near the brothers, having noticed them by Arthur's loud laughing.

“What’s going on?” Tommy grinned at his aunt and cousin as Arthur was practically rolling on the floor, while John didn’t keep his eyes off his nephew who had caught his stare and smiled mischievously at him which only aggravated him more.

“My nephew is a real lady’s man,” Both Polly and Micheal glanced at Charlie who was kissing your cheek while maintaining eye contact with his furious uncle.

Micheal grinned slightly as the corner of Polly’s lips turned upwards in amusement.

“I swear if he doesn’t get his fucking hands off my wife, I will,” John declared angrily before you caught them all watching you.

You smiled sweetly at your family, which made your husband smile back at you while Arthur was trying to retain his giggles.

When the song ended, you put Charlie down before he led you back towards the Shelby's who were watching you with amusement shimmering in their eyes.

John quickly took you back from Charlie, which made the small boy frown before he turned to his father.

“I want to marry Y/n,” he simply spoke.

Your eyes enlarged while you gaped at him, Arthur got into another fit of laughter while your husband looked ready to annihilate his nephew.

“No. Absolutely fucking not,” John stated, which made Charlie roll his eyes at his uncle.

“And why not?” He questioned sassy.

“She’s already married to me,” John replied, Charlie, walked over to you and held your hand while the rest of the family silently watched the scene unfold.

“So? She can divorce you,”

“She’s too old for you. She could be your mother. Besides, she’s your aunt,” Your husband looked ready to pulverize him.

“But if you two divorce, then she won’t be my aunt anymore. And any woman older than eighteen could be my mother. Didn’t you get her pregnant when she was sixteen?”

Micheal choked on his drink, and you stared at Charlie with a perplexed look on your face. Polly was full-on grinning, while Arthur was turning red from the lack of air.

“Get here you little shit,” Tommy held John back as his son backed into you, looking for your protection from your husband.

“I think you should run before your uncle catches you,” you whispered to Charlie, who nodded before taking off into the crowd.

“Well, that was fucking amazing,” Arthur spoke before downing his drink at once.

©cupidsheqrt , 2022.

Periods

Request: alfie solomons x reader imagines where reader is on her period? also one for john?

Warnings: none, periods are a normal thing.

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

***

Alfie Solomons:

➳ Him wanting you to stay in bed:

“Alfie, you know I can’t!” you sighed.          

“Well, I’m going to call your boss and he will fucking accept because he’s a good man, innit?” he said, spreading his arms for you to take refuge there while an amused smile stretched his plump lips

“No, because he’s afraid of Alfie Solomons and his dreadful Jewish gang.”

“That’s fantastic, you can rest whenever you want, pet.”

You shook your head, hopeless and complied to his wish if it reassured him…

➳ He asked Cyril to take care of you even if he’s just a dog…

“Look, I need you to watch over her when I’m not at home. Alright, mate?”

“Woof!”

“Yeah, of course, you will have your reward.”

➳ He was used to periods, thanks to his sisters. So, knowing you were on your period or that you stained the bed sheets, it has never disgusted or surprised him. He was cool with that.

➳ Sometimes, he asked advices to his sisters and his mother:

“So, what stops the pain, Ima?”

“Giving me grandchildren, Alfred. It works every time and for nine months.”

➳ Putting hot clothes on your stomach to ease with the cramps and telling your stories about his childhood to distract you from the pain. Then, he asked you about having children, joking about the fact you won’t bleed from your vagina during nine months, which led you to slap him on his shoulder.

➳ Baking your favorite pastries when he came back home because he knew how much you were greedy on your period, but also you always said he had golden hands.

John Shelby:

➳ “I’m dying John, I swear!” you yelled after he teased you about being a weak woman. Nope, this month Mother Nature was so harsh with you, that is was intolerable.

➳ You kept massaging your tummy to help with the cramps and you just wanted to sleep, whereas all the kids were shouting or fighting over something, as always. “JOHN FUCKING SHELBY solve your children problem or I will break your neck!” Yep, it was harsh, but you still loved his kids and he knew it.

➳ Even if he liked mocking you, when he saw you were in a really bad shape, he silenced the kids so that you could sleep without being disturbed.

➳ “Shit, I didn’t impregnate you this month!”

“And if you do, I will cut your balls and feed the dog with them.” You responded, curled on yourself. “Six children are already a lot. We don’t need more.”

“But we don’t have one together…” he murmured, dropping kisses on your neck.

Sure, you wanted kids, but you preferred to wait. So, you contented yourself with having your period.

(A/n: in this one, Esme died, not John. That’s why they are already six kids, not four.)

➳ John was literally a rabbit, not having sex for almost a week was hard for him, especially if you were physically close to him. So there were a lot of displays of affection at home, in bed, which led to jerk him off.

➳ Making him massage your ovaries to calm them, to ease your mood.

➳ “John..?” you called in the darkness of the night before you turned on the bedside light. “John, wake up!” you startled him and he looked at you with narrow eyes, not fully awake.

“What do you want eh? It’s 3 a.m.!”

“I want chocolate.”

“What?”

“I want chocolate!” you repeated.

“Can’t you move your ass to the kitchen?” he questioned, fixing his gaze on you.

“It was my nice request for you to move to change the sheets because I’m swimming in a pool of blood.” You explained with a smile, seeing him grimace.

“You still want the chocolate?” he asked nicely before he stole you a kiss.

Yeah, you had your way to soften that man.

Perfect sexual partner - John Shelby

Pairing: John Shelby x reader

Warnings: age gap, smut, breeding kink

Request : Hello love! May a request an something with tommy or john u decide, where the innocent and shy reader is usually already very submissive, bu then somehow john or tommy find out that she has a breeding kink and then use it with her, also it would be awesome if there was an age gap between them thanks

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for a long time, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. I haven’t written in English for almost a year. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

***

Dating John Shelby was something. This guy was insatiable, he had a pretty impressive sex drive, but you couldn't complain, you enjoyed sex. Of course, you weren't with him just for that, you also loved his personality! Besides, it was no wonder that John had so many kids! If you were usually more innocent and shy, that also reflected in bed. Submitted, you were, no doubt. If John told you to give him a blowjob, you would do it. If he told you to put in this or that position, you did it without questioning his word. Above all, you both loved doggy style. He dominated you as you liked him, but there was also that beastly side that attracted both of you.

Young, gaining experience thanks to your boyfriend, you gave him a lot of freedom. John’s kids ended up with Polly for the weekend, to celebrate your six months with your boyfriend. You had the house for both of you. Let’s say you’ve tried all the surfaces of the house before returning to the classic place : the bed.

On all fours, you find yourself at the mercy of this Shelby. Hands on your hips, the man pounded you from behind, on the bed. But sex, with John, wasn’t always serious... You liked to tease him, even if you were submissive.

"So, Grandpa, you have a lot of energy tonight!" you teased him with a big smile. It didn't take him more than a second to speed up the pace and your sighs of pleasure became real moans.

"Me? A Grandpa? Wait to see! " he growled in your ear.

Not that John was old, far from it, he was almost 35 years. But your age gap of 13 years could be felt and you liked to tease him on that, once in private, because you were too shy to do it in public.

Stung by your remark, John decided to make you regret your words. He picked up the pace and used all his knowledge about your body, your weaknesses, to get you as close to an orgasm as possible in a record time. And when he felt that you were reaching it, he stopped all movement and pulled out.

"John... No... Please..."

"Please, who?"

"Please, darling "

"No. Repeat after me "please, my young stallion".

You almost laughed, but you repeated his sentence word for word.

"I apologize for insulting you old people. Now I'm going to let you kiss me like the little prude that I am, ”he continued. Again, you do so by wagging your buttocks against his cock so that it picks up where you left off.

"I apologize for insulting you old people. Now I'm going to let you kiss me like the little prude that I am… ”

But it wasn’t over. Without knowing where it came from and why, you continued:

"And I want you to fill me with your cum to have your children..."

John's eyes widened and then, the frowned for a moment as you blushed visibly. A wave of excitement overwhelmed him. It was the first time he heard that! However, a smile stretched his lips and he penetrated you again. It didn't take long to catch up the same rhythm.

"John... I’m... I’m gonna..."

"That's it, scream my name, beg me to fill you!"

"John... please, oh please...! Make me full of your babies!"

Your pleas raised the temperature, the pleasure soared and suddenly, John felt his orgasm approaching. If he had gotten into the habit of pulling out in time, unlike with his ex-wife Martha, he would cum inside of you. He stayed inside of you a few minutes, then a stream of semen flowed from your pussy. You rushed to put the sperm back in your vagina, your cheeks flushed while your boyfriend's eyes were shining with mischief.

He had just found a very interesting new kink and he didn’t intend to abandon it so quickly... Far from it...

Basically, he also had a kink breeding but had never exploited it. He had finally found the perfect sexual partner. Oh, he was sure he would never get tired of you.

***

hey, anon! I did my best, so I hope you liked reading this! :)

Coward - John Shelby

Pairing: John Shelby x reader

Warnings: none

Request : Do you write AUs? If so can i request a john one where he has to tell the reader that they can't see eachother anymore because he doesn't like her, but it's actually because he is scared for her getting involved w his business, she reacts very badly and she moves out of the town, maybe they reunite again somehow? (it’s a modernAU)

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for a long time, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. I haven’t written in English for almost a year. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

+ John is 27 in this story

***

John wasn’t the type of guy to text a girl to break with her or to tell her they couldn’t see each other anymore. He had always found it coward. At least, until the day he had no choice but to make such an announcement to Y/N. How? 'Or' What ? How could he do it without immediately regretting? Suddenly he had become a coward, he was afraid to say things in front of Y/N, not that she scared him, far from it. No, he didn't want her smile to disappear. He didn't want to see tears in her eyes. He didn’t want to hear her delicious voice insulting him. All he wanted was to keep a perfect image of the woman he loved.

So one evening, when he was in his bed, he grabbed his mobile phone and tapped on his touch screen. He rewrites the message over and over again, until he finds it suitable. When he clicked on "send," his heart sank. He was afraid that she would react very badly, he knew her bad temper. In reality, he hoped she would ignore him and move on, that was the best, he thought.

John - Y/N, I didn't want to send you this message. I wish I never got there and I need to get straight to the point. We can’t see each other anymore. I guess you kinda know why, I’ve already mentioned some things in the past and I only want to preserve you. Protect you. I hope you don't hold it against me and that you understand my choice. I wish you the best.

For her part, Y/N had just come out of a good shower where she had relaxed. She had only one desire: to watch a series on Netflix, until she fell asleep. It was the plan for a quiet Sunday night. In pajamas, damped hair, but brushed, she turned on her television. Suddenly, her mobile phone vibrated. She immediately grabbed the device, unlocked it, and glanced at the message. When her eyes scanned John's words, her heart sank and his hands began to tremble. She took a deep breath. She was tempted to answer him just "fuck you, asshole," but she changed her mind, it was sorely lacking in maturity. He had just jabbed at her in the heart and she was planning to give him a taste of his own medicine. She thought for a moment before typing her answer. A sharp answer, full of truth... Truth always hurts.

"Take that, John!” she mentally growled.

Y/N - If you didn't want to send this message, you shouldn't have written it first, don't you think? Preserve me? Protect me? Too late, I already have a foot in the quicksand, I know enough to be sucked into the lot of problems of the Peaky Blinders. You’re just a scared selfish man. A kid. I think that's it, you're just a scared nipper. But you know what? It's perfect, it would have permitted me not to invest myself more with someone like you. I hope you make it to day you're 28-year-old[1]

John's eyes widened when he read the answer. She had impaled his heart. Y/N was very angry with him, she wasted no time to block him on the few social media he used (under other names, etc.), as well as his mobile number. She wasted no time in dialing her mother's number. She would go at her home, she couldn't stay in the same city as the man she stayed for. Him, who had made her promise to stay, that he would watch over her... Bullshit!

Her decision was made and she wouldn’t go back on it, for a man who had made her lose several months of her life. Maybe she was exaggerating, maybe she already saw herself in an apartment with him, maybe she had imagined things. She saw red.

And even admit that he would like to get her back, he would have to break out the oars.

***

2 months later:

“Y/N! Someone knocks at the door! Can you go open, please?”

You sigh at your mother's request, drop your computer you were working on, and head for the front door of the house.

"Let’s hope it’s not another lost grandma!" You thought.

When you open the door, you’re speechless, paralyzed. In front of you, a tall blond with blue eyes stood, hands in the pockets of his jeans. You were about to close the door when he wedged his foot in the doorway to prevent it. You let out a loud sigh.

“Before you say anything, I know I screwed up. I realized it over the weeks. I'm terribly sorry.” He admitted, looking embarrassed.

“So what ? Do you think those simple words will redeem you? I want deeds.”

Simple and efficient. Nevertheless, John was ready to take on the challenge. His azure eyes sparkled as a smile stretched his lips.

What did you get into? You knew very well that this idiot would make you crack much faster than your pride would appreciate it.

But it was John Shelby. The gangster you loved.

___

[1] Reference to Colors by Halsey

___

A/N : hey anon! I’m sorry, I know it took me a long time to write this, but I hope you liked it ❤︎

Time After Time

requested × @paisholotus

I sighed moving around the room stepping over broken glass to get over to John passed out on our bed, my eyes glanced down at him before moving towards lizzy sleepy form. I nodded to myself before walking out of the room towards the hallway bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror surprised that I was so calm about this all. I don't know if I'm tired from it or I haven't registered what I just saw, either way that doesn't stop me from stomping back in the room and throwing a bucket of water on them.

"Oi, what the fuck." John shouted waking up looking around confused, lizzy gasped in surpised sitting up in bed drenched in water.

"Get out." I said calmly looking at lizzy, she looked over at John before crossing her arms and giving me a distasteful look.

"If he wants me to leave I leave." She said with a smug smile, I stepped closer making her smile drop and back up.

"Johnathan tell your whore to get out, before I throw her out this fucking window." I kept my eyes trained on her, she looked scared looking between me and John.

"Fuck off, Lizzy." He says tired not even casting a glance at her as he looked through his draws, she looked shocked at John.

"You heard him Elizabeth fuck off back to the gutters you belong." I said waving my hand shooing her away as she picked up her clothes and rushed passed me.

"Where the kids?" He asked litting a cigarette, I turned back to him with a blank look.

"With Mrs.Stone." I held the metal bucket in my hand still contemplating if I should throw it at his head or not, he hummed staring at me with a look of knowledgment something I barely see anymore.

"20 minutes." I said.

"What."

"I been gone for 20 minutes and all I asked was for you to look after the childern...just for a little bit..." i rest my free hand against my forehead feeling a headache coming on.

"They were running amuck I couldn't control them, you should known better to leave them alone with me." He snapped back, I laughed covering my face before looking back at him.

"I was gone for 20 fucking minutes." I launched the bucket at him causing to duck as the bucket crashed through the window.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" He shouted.

"You could have called anyone...your sister, polly, hell even fucking arthur." He ducked again as I threw a book resting on the vanity desk at him.

"For fuck sake–"

"But, NO you decided to get high and fuck lizzy fucking stark rather than watch your childern." He slammed me against the wall holding my wrist stopping from hitting him again.

"You need to calm the fuck down." He grits through his teeth his face red.

"Calm down!?!? Calm the fuck down!?!? How am I supposed to calm down when our daughter almost got hit by fucking car." I shouted at him, he looked taken back.

"W–W–What? Is she okay is she hurt?" I snatched my wrist out of his grip shoving pass him putting some distance between us.

"She's fine. I got her in time before the driver could could stop." I gulped remembering the fear that course through my body as I saw her run into the street after her ball, It felt like my world was about to shattered when I heard a car horned I was so grateful that I got there in time.

I felt a pair of hands squeezed my shoulder, "Baby, I'm so sorry I–" shrugged his hands off me.

"No, not this time. You can't apologize your way out of this you made your bed now fucking lay in it." I walked past him hearing him following behind me downstairs.

"What are you doing?" He asked as I gathered my bag from the couch, before turning to him.

"I may not be able to divorce you, but I can sure as hell get us away from you." I hissed turning towards the door, he pulled my arm causing me stop.

"Your not going anywhere neither are my kids." He growled.

"Call lizzie. I bet she be very happy to hear from you again." I stepped towards the front door turning the knob only for John to slam it back.

"Please..." he whispered wrapping his arms around my waist keeping from leaving, he rest his head on my shoulder pleading from not to leave him alone.

"I can't–I can't be here alone you know I can't please...I can't be left alone you know how me head play tricks." He begged hugging me from behind tighter, I couldn't resist leaning my body back against his warm skin. He left kisses on my neck and shoulder.

"...please...don't leave me." He whispered again, I closed my eyes trying to decide if I should stay or leave. I sighed deeply unwrapping his arms from around me, my original plan to leave sudden got thrown out knowing if I left John alone I might not like what I see when I come back.

"Go take a bath and change the sheets. I go get the kids and start on dinner" I sighed rubbing my eyebrow with the back of my hand, he gave me a small smile leaning in to kiss but dodge his lips as they landed on my cheek. I patted his bare chest leaving to receive the kids from the neighbors, they hurried out the old lady's house saying goodbye.

I picked up my baby girl as she sleep on the couch, i planted kissed on her face making her stir. I said my thank you's and goodbyes before heading back next door to deal with my little monsters, I walked in to found the boys and the girls in the living room either drawing or playing with their wooden cars. I locked the door and slide the bolt that the childern couldn't reach before walking up stairs to lay my baby down, I stayed with her for a moment before I left out thr room with the door wide open.

I peaked in my room to see the glass on the floor was gone and my bed covered with towels as steam came out of the bathroom, I walked down the stairs hearing the television from the living room. I sighed in relief knowing that would keep them busy until they realize its too quiet and start rasing hell, I walked around the kitchen grabbing ingredients as music plays from the radio.

I was almost finished mushing the potatos in the when I heard heavy footsteps come down the stairs, I set the bowel of bread down on the table before grabbing the pot of green beans and started scooping them onto our plates. I looked up to see John in a under shirt with suspender keeping his trousers up, he smiled at me taking a seat at the head of the table.

"Can you cut the meatloaf and separate them." I asked setting the meatloaf in front of him, he nodded making me walk out towards the living room.

"Mama." They complain at once as I shut off the tv set.

"Dinner's ready. If yall behave I let you have one more hour of tv and that's it." The all got up nodding heading towards the kitchen, I went up stairs to check on my little girl to found her just waking up.

"Hi, pudding. You hungry?" She yawned nodding rubbing her eyes, she blinked a couple of times before looking at me with her brown doe eyes. I smiled at her playing with her curls before kissing her brown skin.

"Ew, mama." She giggles as I kissed her chubby cheeks.

"Ew? You don't like mommy's kisses anymore." She shook her head as I picked her up off her bed and carried her out the room.

"Oh, man. I guess I have to find someone else to give my special kisses to now." I said sighing looking away from her in thought.

"...hmmm maybe baba would like my special kisses." I shrugged walking into the kitchen I walked over to her brother and sisters giving them a kiss on the head. Her brows furrowed in anger and her nose scrunched up.

"No." Her daughter snapped covering my mouth to stop me from giving out kisses.

"...mine special kisses." I laughed before giving her a couple kisses before setting her down down next to me.

"Dad?" John's oldest looks over at him in question.

"Yea."

"I was wondering if I can get a new bike, since Katie wants my old one." John swallowed his food and looked at me before looking at him.

"Yeah, sure. I take you tomorrow." John's son smile before going back eating his food.

"Can Katie and I get new dresses." John smiled shrugging.

"Sure. Maybe new shoes as well." Both girls smiled at each other excited about going new stuff.

"How about you, darling. Do you want something." He asked our daughter.

" I want a new doll." She says excited.

"Your wish is mine command." He smirked clapping his hands togther, I wanted to badly to go across this table and punch him.

"How about you, mama bear. How about a new set of diamond earrings." I gave him a tight smile before shaking my head.

"No, thank you. I'm fine." I says looking back down at my plate missing John's small frown, the phone ringed making him get up and answer it. I tried hearing him talk on the phone as the childern talk amount each other, after about a couple minutes of talking to whoever it was he hunged up.

He took a seat back glancing up at me for a quick second before continuing eating his meal, we all finally finished our dinner when I gave the childern pound cake for dessert. Katie and her brother watched over the younger ones as me and John clean the dishes.

"I'm going to leave soon. Tommy called a family meeting." I looked over at him with looked concerned.

"At this hour?" He nodded.

"He said it's important."

"Okay, do you know how long you be." He shake his head.

"Okay, I'll fix you a plate just in case you get hungry again." I said cleaning the last dish and heading over to the stove to make John a plate.

"Thank you." He said placing it on the counter.

"My offer still stands about the jewelry." I glanced at him with a look.

"I'm good, Johnny." He sighed moving closer towards me as I bumped into the counter near the sink as he pushed his body up against me.

"I'm really am sorry for what happened today." He said squeezing my waist.

"I know you are." which is why I know you do it again because you know I forgive you for you infidelity.

I leaned up kissing the corner of his mouth, "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you, too." He planted a kiss on my head, he grabbed his plate as I walked him towards the door, he gave a quick kiss on my cheek before heading towards his car.

Back Again

Requested by × @shyjellyfish1

John sat lumped in his chair as Thomas talked, his eyes bore around the room not really paying attention to his brother. His mind wondered to a memory that he been frequently visiting lately, one of his special memories of his sweet beauty.

John pulled his lover over to the ferris wheel, he looked over to see (y/n) glancing up at the wheel.

"What's wrong? Scared of heights." He grinned making (y/n) glare at him.

"Shut up, Jonathan." John scrowl at the mention of his full name, she knows how much he hates to be called it making it easy to get under his skin.

"Don't be lashing out on me, because you too much of a pussy–" She slapped the back of his head.

"Shut up. I'm not scared and I'm not a pussy." He glared at her rubbing his head as they took another step, she suddenly felt nauseous noticing they were almost to the front.

"I-I'm just a bit timorous." she gulp feeling a lump in her throat, John raised his eyebrow confused.

" Timorous?" she smiled faintly looking at him.

"A feeling of nervousness, fear, or lack of confidence." He looked awed nodding in understanding.

"Right, right, right." He says, John smirked glancing at (y/n) noticing his girlfriend was a bit at ease. One of the reason, (y/n) loved about John he could make her feel better without even trying.

"Next!" (y/n) felt her blood run cold as she glanced up at the wheel, john gave the tickets to the operator whispering something to him before turning to her and reaching for her hand.

"Hey, it's going to be alright. I'm right here." He whispered bringing her hand to his lips, she nodded before he helped her onto the car.

He slide right next to her as the operator closed the small door and locked the latched, John squeezed her hand caress her hand with his thumb. (Y/N) jolted moving closer to John making him smirk, she held his arm as the ride creaked.

"What was that?" She asked scared, he chuckled kissing her forehead.

"It's fine it just the machine, babe." She nodded quickly burying her face in his chest, they were on the top when the ride jerk to the stop causing (y/n) to looking around and look over the car.

"What the fuck just happend? Did this thing just break down?" She said freaking out, John chuckled with arm around her.

"It's fine, babe–."

"The fuck it is." She said looking down at the crowd forming.

"Babe. It's fine." He tried assuring her, the ride jerked again causing her to cling to him.

"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." She repeated.

John looked over the car to see a crowd, before glancing at his girl.

" (Y/N). Your fine." He said again, (y/n)'s eyes were closed.

"If you say it's fine one more time I'm going to punch you in the fucking throat." She said through clenched teeth, she could hear him chuckled rubbing her back pulling her closer.

"It's beautiful tonight." He moved a strand of curl behind her ear making her open her eyes, she looked up starry night sky before looking over at John.

"Yeah, it is." She smiled up at him, he looked down at her with a smirk before leaning towards her pressing lips to hers.

John couldn't resist exploring her mouth tasting cotton candy and beer they had earlier, his hand squeezed her hips as his other hand went under her dress.

"Ever fucked on a ferris wheel before?" He mumbled against her lips, she moaned feeling his hand gazed her inner thigh.

"No, and I'm not gonna start today. " He pulled back face all red with a frown, (y/n) smiled pulling him back by his collar.

"But, I could do you one better for now." She purred, her hand rubbing his member through his pants causing him to moan and lean his head back making her kiss his neck.

The ride jerked again causing her to pull away and John to look annoyed, the wheel started moving again making people on the ride cheer. (Y/N) sighed in relief before looking over at John who wore a irritated look, she glanced at his pants as he shifted in his seat.

The wheel stopped making the operator open the door to the car, (y/n) stood not before feeling John's crotch against her back as they look for another ride to get on.

"You owe me a little something when we get back to the house." He whispered in her ear before tickling waist making her giggled.

"John? JOHN?" John looked up looking around the room before his eyes landed on Tommy.

"Wha." He looked boredly at Tommy making Arthur shook his head, well Tommy looked irrited at him.

"I said how are the numbers coming along." John sighed before telling him the rates and the money flowing through

"Alright." He said moving along to other business making John roll his eyes, after the meeting john went for a drive. He didn't feel like like going to the garrison for a drink or home for that matte, he wanted to be alone with his thoughts.

He was in London when he parked his car couple of blocks away from her shop, he would walk by it looking through the window trying to get a glimpse of her even for a second. It been couple of years since (y/n) left for paris for school that was two years before the war, after John got drafted he went looking for her when she stopped sending letters. He looked everywhere around her school and apartment she was staying with her roommates, and couldn't find her he believed she was died.

Until the war was over, a year later he found out that she somehow made it back to london. John wanted to go to her but he was different and he could tell that she was the same girl....the same beautiful woman he fall in love with and he didn't want to ruin that by coming back into her life.

He walked to her Cafè looking through the window and to see her counting money behind the cashier register, he hesitated for minute before walking through the door.

"I'll be right with you." I said hearing the bell ring, I finished counting the money and sitting it back in the register.

"Welcome to Heaven on Earth. The greatest bakery in West–" I stopped looking at John, he took off his cap.

"Hello, my love." John says walking closer to me, I stared stunned at him.

We stood there staring at each other for a moment before he spoke up again, "I know I should have come sooner, but I didn't want to intrude and–" I rushed around the counter and jumped into John's arm burning my face in his neck.

"shut up, dummy." I muttered feeling his arms wrapped around my waist, he kissed along my cheek before kissing my lips.

"I missed you." He mumbled against my lips.

"I missed you, too." He pulled away leaning his head against mines breathing heavy.

"I'm sorry...I'm so fucking sorry." John shook his head making me grab his face.

"You don't have to apologize, john. I understand why you did it..." he buried his head in my neck.

"I moved on...I was married...I had kids...fuck..." I could feel him shaking against my shoulder as he cries.

"I wish it was you...I wish they were yours."

"Oh, John. It's not like it's the end of the world, we have can do all of it." He looked at me.

"You still want to be with me?" I laughed nodding my head.

"There's nobody I rather be with than you. " He smiled pulling me in for another kiss.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, johnny."

Hi, guys it weird making this because don't usually have a lot of people asking for request but I'm holding off taking request since I'm back in school. The class I'm taking is time consuming, but im finishing up two more fics and then calling it quits until summer comes around so I hope you guys understand. Deuces ✌🏾

What it would be like on John's wedding day.

requested by × @angelluminary

• John and the reader had a small outside wedding, the sun was near setting as the reader was with her mother getting ready feeling  giddy as she dtared at herself in the mirror.

• John on the other was shitting bricks as he tries to calm his nerves, he glanced around seeing his children for once behaving themselves.

• As he stood away from everyone behind the tree, he took sips of alcohol to help making him a bit buzzed but not enough for him to be all over the place.

• "Hi, John." John coughed glancing behind to see lizzie stark staring at her.

• "Lizzie–Hey." He looked her up and down, before looking around for Polly or Ada.

• The reader knew that John and lizzie had a thing, and as much she love and trusted John. She didn't trust him enough to be left alone with lizzie, even though shes married to his brother.

• "Your looking nice." She smiled slyly walking closer to him, John knows he shouldn't be talking to her but the buzzed part of his brain that held some fond memories of them togther said otherwise.

• "Thank you. You look beautiful by the way." He says making lizzie blush, lizzie had her hand on John's chest as she moved closer to him as his hands landed in her waist.

• "Come here, you fool." Polly hissed coming out of nowhere grabbing John by the ear shoving passed lizzie, John groaned in pain as he was being dragged away by polly.

• "For fuck sake, pol. I wasn't doing anything." He glares at her as she stood him by the alter.

• "Not yet you werent I swear you and your brothers are just un fucking believable." She swears walking away before telling Ada to keep a eye on John.

• It didn't take long for polly to tell the reader what happened, and didn't take long for the reader to want to kill and bury lizzie and john.

• Against her mother wishes to call off the wedding, the reader kept her head high and walked down the aisle with her father.

• John was starstruck when he saw her come out with her long white gown, but  when he made eye contract with her he knows that polly told her about lizzie.

• The sudden feeling of dread filled his stomach as he stared warily at her, her face is calm but her eyes held blazing hellfire causing him to gulp.

• "You look gorgeous, my love." He whispered standing next to her, she glanced at him before at the priest again as he speaks.

• "Mmmhmm." John sighed defeated, only he pissed off his fiance soon to be wife on their wedding day.

• In a blink if an eye, the ceremony was over and the party was in full swing. The tension everyone felt didn't last long after they started to serve drinks, John was talking to some people when he heard his wife laughing.

• His face dropped seeing the reader laughing and dancing with bonnie gold, he watched as her smiled widen as he spin her around his arms.

• John glared clenching his jaw moving to grab the champagne bottle next to him to kill gold when tommy stopped him, and tried to calm him down.

• "Take a walk, John." Tommy said sternly patting his brother on the back, John had the bottle snatched out of his grip by his brother as he walked away still staring at them dancing.

• John angrily watched from his seat at the table with a cigarette between his fingers, lizzie sat next to him trying to get his attention but was ignored as he watched his wife have a good time.

• He perked up seeing the reader excused herself walking away from the dance floor, john got up midway of lizzie talking following his wife.

• The reader wondered around until stopping neat a tree far away from the party fixing her heel.

• "Shit! John you scared the hell out of–" the reader didn't finished as john kissed her, he had her up against the tree as his hand lift up her dress.

• "I shouldn't even let you touch me, after what pol told me." The reader whispered, John groaned in her neck as he felt how wet she was.

• "We were just talking, it meant nothing." He muffled in her neck kissing and biting her making her moan lowly, he could feel her squeezing around his fingers.

• "She means nothing to me." He moved a strand of hair put of her face peppering her with kisses, "Nothing," John unbuckled his trousers pushing them down to his thighs.

• The reader eyes rolled in the back of her head as he thrust into her, she digged her nails in his shoulder.

• "You so beautiful, fuck your so beautiful." He moaned, the reader arm went around his shoulder as he sped up.

• The reader opened her eyes hearing someone coming, she was about to warn John when she saw lizzie coming around and stopping in shock seeing the reader and John fucking.

• The reader moaned loudly moving her hips making John moan, "Right there, Johnny." She moaned loud enough for her to hear.

• "Fuck, I love you so much." The reader saw lizzie back away looking a bit embarrassed before walking away, she could feel John close making her biting his soft spot.

• John held her hips grunting empty his himself into her warm pussy, John kissed her cheek before pulling himself off her.

• "Where have you been hiding that move?" He chuckled pulling up his pants, his bride giggled shrugging.

• "I was saving it for our wedding night, but I had to remind you who you belong to..." he shook his head with a sly smile pulling her close, he buried his face in her hair before walking them back to the party.

• "Maybe I should flirt with lizzie more often, if it gets yout to act like that..." he joked, the reader glared at him.

• "Try it and I have bonnie throw your body in the cut." She smirked.

Loving

requested by × @bluesapphire2

The museum was half empty when (y/n) walked out of her office, she smiled at some of the guest as she headed towards the roaring 20s display that just opened up. She stop at the entrance of the exhibit feeling her phone vibrant in her back pocket.

"Hello, my love." She says continuing on inside and have a look see to make sure everything is in order.

"Hey, baby. I'm outside, are you ready?" John said sitting in his black rolls-royce cullinan just coming from work, (y/n) hummed jointing down something on her clip board as she looked at a picture.

"Not exactly. Hey, do you mind coming in I want to show you something." John furrowed his brows confused and curious before responding, he got out and headed up the stairs of the museum.

He adjust his suit jacket as he walked inside, he walked around seeing all the different arts and historical artifacts scattered everywhere.

"John." (Y/N) calls out making him smile and gaze at her, she looked beautiful her hair was twisted up half down and other half in a bun on her head. (Y/N) was dressed in black jeans and a white dress shirt with a loose tie around her collar, he came up to her pulling her into a kiss.

"What you wanted to show me?" He asked, (Y/N) was so dazed she almost forgot what she wanted to show him.

"Uhhhh, it's this picture I wanted to show in this new exhibit we just opened." She linked their hands togther pulling him to the display, she brought him over to a display with pictures.

"...recognize anyone?" She said watching look at the pictures, John stared and shrugged.

"Should I?" (Y/N) shoulders slumped as she leaned forward and pointed at a picture of three men.

"Uh, yeah. You and your brothers doppelgängers." John scoffed moving closer to get a better look before shaking his head.

"Those blokes don't look anything like me or tommy and arthur. Who are they anyways. " (Y/N) looked down before flipping theough some papers before finding the number.

"We don't have any of their names, but we do know that they called themselves the peaky blinders." John rolled his eyes before straighten up.

"Sounds like something Netflix would make into a movie."

"Or TV show." John laughed moving his arm around her shoulder pulling her in for another kissed.

They finally left the museum and headed home.

"Do we have everything for tonight?" (Y/N) asked staring at her phone as she answered some emails.

"The cupboard is stocked with all our favorite treats." John smiled looking at the road, (Y/N) nodded

"Good you don't want laila throwing a fit, when she doesn't have her jaffa cakes." John chuckled, as they pulled around the corner almost to come home.

(Y/N) was flicking through HBO Max trying to find a appropriate movie to watch, john and (Y/N)'s middle child walked in the living room pushing her glasses further her nose.

"I thought we decided to find a movie togther." Talia asked taking a seat at the end of the couch.

"Yeah, well I didn't want to spend the better half of a hour arguing so I'm picking the movie." She said taking a seat next to talia, (Y/N) finally picked a movie and waited for the others to get down stairs. Laila was the first to come down stairs and make her way next to her mother, (Y/N) turned her head over to the stairs hearing shouting coming from her oldest and husband.

"You can't tell me who I can and can not date, I'm 17 not a child." Imani shouted walking down stairs with her father hot on her tail, John was red in the face as he shouted back at her.

"The hell I can your leaving under my roof, eating my food, and texting your friends and loser boyfriend on the phone I paid for with my money." (Y/N) and the girls watched as the two shout at each other, (Y/N) would get involved but she learned to CIO with both of them.

Both John and Imani were two peas in the pod sharing the same traits of gutsy and charming, she knows that they tired themselves out and hug at the end.

"His not a loser–" she shouted back.

"He is a loser, and his a dead beat and..." he looked over at his wife and daughters, "his TWICE your age." He growled looking back at Imani.

"His twenty-three, calm down." She put her hand up making him clench his jaw getting more pissed.

"You know how about we postpone movie night until tomorrow, yeah?" (Y/N) said cutting through their argument.

"No, we're having movie night." John crossed his arms moving over to the couch, Imani moved her braids over her shoulder before crossing her arms.

"I'll passed...I'm not in the mood anymore." She said snarkly turning around and stalking back to her room.

"Imani! Get back here." (Y/N) stopped John from going after her, he looked over at her as she looked back at the girls.

"Why don't you head up to bed." The girls looked at each before walking passed their parents to their rooms, John shook his head heading over to the kitchen to fix himself a drink.

(Y/N) walked after him watching him gulp the first brown liquor down, before fixing himself another with a scrowl on his face.

"I'm telling you this now I'm not holding your hair tomorrow morning." John looked up giving her a look, before putting the bottle back in the cabinet.

John walked past (Y/N) to their share room leaving (Y/N) to put away all their snacks they had scattered on the coffee table, she shut off the lights and headed to her room to find John already in his boxers.

(Y/N) grabbed a scarf from her draw and wrapped it around her head, she slid into bed next to John as he looked at his tablet.

"It's kinda ironic how you giving Imani grief about the age difference between her and her boyfriend, when we started out the same." John didn't look up from his tablet when he spoke.

"That was different we were in love..." he looked over at her with a glint making her stare at him with smile, "They are not...she thinks she loves him." (Y/N) sighed.

"You know she's gonna keep dating him now just to piss you off, right?" John shrugged setting down his tablet on the night stand, (Y/N) watched as he laid down in bed facing her.

"Let's see how long that last when I stop paying her phone bill." (Y/N) let out a muffled laugh burying her face in the covers, John pulled (Y/N) closer kissing her on the nose.

"They grow up so fast don't they..." she whispered.

"Yes, they do. I hope the girls love me enough not to pull something like this..." He mumbled.

"Laila is still young and a daddy's girl so you still have that to hold on too," she sighs.

"...and talia is a bookworm who is wouldn't look twice at a guy for well so I think the cards are in your favor." She smiled.

"Yeah, true but y'know when they do realize it, maybe we can try again." John says gazing her flat stomach, (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

"That's the alcohol talking–"

"No, it's really not I'm serious. It be nice to have a baby around again."

"Boy for who? You didn't change not one dirty napkin," John chuckled.

"It be different this time, the business is booming I can start to work for home to help out." (Y/N) stared at him in thought, she was young when she had Imani and not a year later they had talia. John and his brothers were just getting their businesses off the ground during that time, and (Y/N) was in her last year of uni when she found out about Laila.

So, long hours and spending nights working made it hard for John to spend time with her and the girls, so maybe trying again and giving him a chance do the kids he couldn't do with the girls would be nice.

"I'll pray on it." She chuckled moving her arm under her pillow and closing her eyes, John had a twinkle in his eyes before scooting closer wrapping his arms around her.

unexpected luck?

Summary: Your parents kick you out after they find out you are pregnant. Pregnant by a Shelby. But even John does not react to the news as you would have liked.

John Shelby x reader.

Words: 2784

Warnings: None, correct me if I´m wrong

English is not my mother tongue, so forgive me for mistakes.

**********

Your whole body is shaking, the strict glance of your mother burn under your skin. 

,,Who is it?” she asks with an angry voice, but you only shake your head. You couldn't answer. It only would make them angrier.

Your fathers fist hits the table. ,,Tell me! What's his name? Who got you pregnant? Or do you not even know? "

,,Shelby.” you whisper, tears running out of your eyes. 

,,You get yourself knock up by one of this fucking gypsies! I never trought that you are that dump.” your mother cursed. 

,,Get out. Ge out of my house! You brought shame on this family. I never want to see you again. After today, I no longer have a daughter.” your father say with a calm voice, and you know, when his voice has this tone you doesn´t argue. You just did what he said. So you grap your coat and run out of your house. The cold air hits you wet cheecks, tears still running out of your eyes. You run trought the dark streets, your lungs burn but you don´t stop until you stand vor Pollys door. It´s the only place you could go. You knock a few times at the door and it tooks a moment for Polly to open her door. She only wears her nightgrown, worry all written over her face. As she sees you she realxes for a second, than she saw your terars. ,,Y/N, what happend?” she asks and drag you inside in the warm house. You sad yourself in the kitchentabel still crying, Polly sits beside you strokes your back and remains silent. She waits for you to start speaking. . ,,My parents throw me out.” you said after a moment. 

,,Why?” 

You know she already knows, you saw it in her face yesterday, after John makes fun of you for sleeping the whole day and still being tried. Last week you ask her if she ha cherries in the house. Polly knows normally you hate cherries. You knows it since a few weeks, but hasn´t told John. Because you are arfraid of his reaction. He was only 17 Years old, you even a year younger. No one of you was able to look after a child. 

,,I told them that I am pregnant.” you whisper. Polly takes a deep breath and than she smiled warmly. 

,,What wonderfull news.” she said, you know she lied, its not. Times were hard and it doesn´t get better when you bring another mouth to feed at her table. But Polly knows that you need someone to reacts with joy. 

,,Have you told John?” she asks, don´t doubt for a second that he is the father. You two were dating for almost 1 Year now and both of you are head over heels in love. John doesn´t even mind that you can´t bee seen in public together, he understands that your parents would send you to your aunt in London in the second they will find out that you are dating a Shelby. Your parents hate the Shelbys, because of their not so legal business and because their are Gypsies. For your parents their were a plague, but you doesn´t mind. You fell in love with John in the second you meet him. You has a project at school with Ada, so she took you to her place and after a few minutes her brothers came through the door. Laughing and chase eachother through the small kitchen, of course the tea Ada hat place at the tabel spills all over you. John laughts at you and his blue eyeas sparkled in the light. In that moment you lost your heart to him. 

,,No.” you answerd. ,,I am to afraid. What if he insists that I get it taken away? I don't know if I can do that.” 

,,Should he do that, I'll take my kitchen knife and cut off his fucking cock” 

You can't help but laugh softly. Polly wipes the tears from your face. “Go to sleep now, it's late. And if you want we can tell him together tomorrow. Okay?"

,,Okay. Thank you Polly. " She gives you a warm smile and then sends you upstairs. You quietly open John's room door, his loud snoring sounds in your ears. You drop your coat on the floor and slip off your dress. Only in underwear you climb into the warm bed. When you snuggle up to his side he wakes up, immediately his arms close around you and he presses a kiss on your forehead. ,, Y / N. What are you doing here? ”He asks in a sleepy voice.

“I'll explain it to you tomorrow. I'm too tired to talk right now. "

John gently strokes your arms and pulls you closer to his warm chest. ,,Okay.“ He's too tired to worry about why you sneak into his bed in the middle of the night and it's too dark for him to see the tears on your face. He kisses you and crosses his legs with yours, he wants you to be as close as possible to him. You listen to his calm breath and his heart. The rhythmic beating of his heart and the familiar smell quickly lull you into a dreamless sleep.

 You wake up before the sun really comes up. John is peacefully sleeping next to you. And even if you are emotionally and physically exhausted, you cannot lie down. Carefully you free yourself from Johns embrace and climb out of bed. You put your dress back on and sneak down the stairs. Tommy is sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea and the newspaper. A cigarette hangs in the corner of his mouth, the smell of the smoke makes you sick for a moment.

"Good morning Tommy."

,,Good morning Y / N. What are you doing here? Didn't even know you slept here. It was suspiciously quiet for you to be there. "

"Shut up, Shelby." Those nights got you into this shitty situation in the first place, or the afternoons by the river, or the evenings in the back alley next to the Garrison. You don't even know how long you've been pregnant. 5 weeks? Maybe 6? Or longer? You take a cup of tea and fill Tommy's cup again. Then you let yourself fall on the kitchen table. Tommy's gaze attentive is to you. You haven't looked in the mirror, but you're sure that you look like a mess.

"Are you okay?"

"No." You shake your head and take a sip of tea. Before Tommy can ask any further questions, John comes down the stairs into the kitchen.

"I thought I had dreamed that you were here when you weren't lying next to me this morning." He says, he sounds happy and you'd like to start crying right away. He puts a kiss on your lips and lights up on one of Tommy's cigarettes. Polly walks into the room and gives you an encouraging smile. "Slept well?" She asks the group. Tommy and John nod but you just stare into your tea. Polly pats you on the shoulder as she walks past you. "Tommy. Please leave us alone for a moment." Tommy looks confused at his aunt, but then gets up and disappears from the kitchen with his newspaper. John looks back and forth between you and his aunt in confusion, his happy smile has disappeared from his lips.

"Can't we wait a little longer?" You ask quietly, but Polly shakes her head.

"Wait with what?" Asks John skeptically, he grabs your hand but you pull it away and clasp your cup. He looks at Polly. "Wait with what?" he repeats his question. Polly takes a deep breath, lights a cigarette, and joins you at the table. You wish to be very far away, your whole body is shaking and you feel sick. He will leave you, you and the child. His child. ,,What the fuck is going on here? Would someone please talk to me? Y / N? What's happening? Please talk to me. "He sounds a little desperate, fear is reflected in his blue eyes.

“I have decided that Y / N will be living here from now on. This decision stands and will not be discussed. "Says Polly determined and looks at you encouragingly. You knew that Polly would never put you on the street, not like your parents. But to hear that you have a home here, no matter what, it lowers your nervousness a little.

"John." You start and stare further into your tea, but John carefully grabs your chin and forces you to look at him. "I'm pregnant with your child. Our child." Shock and disbelife are reflected in his face, he lets his hand drop. He doesn't say a word, then he gets up and storms out of the kitchen.

"JOHN!" Polly yells after him, but you collapse and start crying again. He didn't say anything and just ran away. He left you, just as you feared. Although you didn't actually think he would ever leave you. Maybe force you to have an abortion. But in none of your horror scenarios that have been going through your head for the past few days he has left you. Even in your worst nightmares, you can't imagine him leaving you. Still, he just did it.

Tommy comes back into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" He asks, then his gaze falls on you. You are still crying at the kitchen table, subconsciously you have placed a protective hand over your stomach. Tommy notices this and understands immediately. "Where is John?"

"Run away. Like a bloody coward. "Polly sounds angry. She hadn't expected such behavior from John. Polly sits down next to you and rubs your back soothingly.

"I'm tired," you utter between sobs.

"Of course." Polly says gently. "Get some sleep and I'll bring you some food later." You nod and drag yourself up the stairs, Finn is sitting on the top step.

"I was listening," he says quietly, sounding incredibly guilty.

"It's okay."

"What does it mean to be pregnant?" Asks the little boy.

“It means that I'm going to have a baby. And you have a nephew or a niece. " Finn nods even if you're sure he doesn't really understand. After all, he's only four years old.

"Then why are you sad?" He asks.

"Because your brother is a fucking ass."

"No cursing around Finn." Tommy calls up the stairs, which puts the slightest smile on your face.

You bend down and kiss Finn's hair. "Polly is waiting with breakfast." The little boy jumps up and runs down the stairs. ,,Are you not coming?"

"Leave Y / N alone today, she is very tired and needs to rest." Finn still looks confused but doesn't question his aunt's words. You open John's room door, the bed is unmade and his things are scattered all over the place. You sigh, push a pair of dirty pants aside with your foot and lie down in his bed. The sheets smell way too much of John and tears are streaming down your cheeks again. You curl up and cry yourself into a restless sleep.

 You are woken up by loud screams from below. You can't understand exactly what is being said, but you can hear Polly's angry voice. You carefully wrap yourself out of the sheets and creep into the hallway. Finn is already back at the top of the stairs and you let yourself sink down next to him.

"Are you listening again?"

"Yes." You concentrate on the voices, although the door has been closed you can now hear them clearly.

"... like a goddamn idiot, how could you do that? You impregnate her and then run away! What kind of man are you? "

"Shut up your fucking mouth Polly. I didn't run away. I'm here now, just had something to do first."

"Buy a train ticket?" You hear Ada's angry voice, of course the whole family has already been informed about the situation. "Or borrow money for the doctor? What are you going to do John? Do you want to force her to have the baby removed? Y/N is the best that ever happend to you and she brings you wonderful news! And what are you doing? You run away even though she needed you. "

You hear glass breaking. Probably John's patience has come to an end, and then he reacts like a wild animal in a cage, he attacks.

"Stay here." You say to Finn and run down the stairs. You have to prevent bloodshed between the siblings.

You open the door and enter the room, immediately everyone is quiet and looking at you.

A relieved smile appears on John's lips and he comes up to you to pull you into a hug.

"They didn't want to tell me where you are." He whispers, his voice sounds relieved, but you tense up and push him away from you. Tears gather in your eyes.

“I don't want an abortion. I know we're too young but I can't. I could never come to terms with the idea of ​​killing my baby. "Your hand wanders back to your stomach to place it protectively on your unborn child." I know it's unfair, but I made my decision and if you did then want an abortion, then.. then… I don't know either. " you take a deep breath. "Don't worry, you don't have to take care of us, I can do it myself."

,,What? No! Why is everyone here always talking about a fucking abortion? That child will stay right where it is  for the next nine months. And you don't have to do anything on your own. "

You look at him confused. "Then why did you run away? If you're not angry, why did you leave me? "

,,I did not leave you. Sure, I was shocked and yes we are young but a child! You have our child, why should I leave you? I love you Y / N and I will love our child. I just had to do something. "

“What was so important? What's so important that you leave me alone in the worst moment of my life. "Tears are running down your cheeks again, you can't understand why he ran away the moment you needed him. John takes a deep breath and takes yours hand.

“I'm sorry I ran away, I know it wasn't the right reaction. But I need a ring for a proposal. "He smiles at you and then goes down on one knee. With his free hand he pulls a silver ring out of his vest pocket. Polly and Ada utter a surprised cry while you just put your hand over your mouth and look down at John in shock.

"Y / N, would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man in the world and marrying me?"

You can only nod. John smiles in relief, gets up and kisses you full of passion and love. "Yes?" He whispers against your lips.

"Yes of course you fucking idiot." When he puts the ring on your finger, his hands are trembling slightly.

Arthur and Tommy start clapping and cheering. Ada pulls you into a tight hug, you smile at Polly over her shoulder and she smiles back, all the anger is gone and suddenly there is a happy mood in the air.

 A week later you and John step in front of the altar. You sent an invitation to your parents, but they didn't show up. Of course it hit you, but you don't need them. The moment you walk out of the church with John by your side, you know everything will be fine. After all, you're a Shelby now.

There's a little party at the Garrison, of course John's whole family is there, and a couple of friends, Freddie Throne flirts with Ada all the time, but her brothers are too drunk to really notice. You smile at Ada across the table and raise your glass. She rolls her eyes and turns back to Freddie.

"At least the kid isn't going to be a bastard," laughs Arthur.

"Shut up you fucking asshole." You and John shouts at the same time.

Arthur starts laughing and Tommy gives him a brotherly slap on the shoulder. "Y / N already sounds like a Shelby."

“Yes, because she is  a fucking Shelby. Isn't it Mrs. Shelby? "

Hearing your new last name for the first time makes you feel warm and you can't help but smile at your husband. "Of course, finally I'm your wife, Mr. Shelby."

This isn't "goodbye", this is simply "see you later" - Series Part 1 : Goodbye my lover

Summary: It was suppose to be a normal Thursday. But this Thursday brings you the worst news you can imagine. Your boyfriend John has volunteered for the army and is going to war. The love of your life will leave you and you can't bear to let him go.

Pairing: John Shelby x Y/N 

Words: 4240

Warnings: Angst, mention of death, swearing, Mention of sex (not explicitly described) 

A/N: Timeskipes are marked with ---

English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own. 

Part 1/3

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                            Part 1 : Goodbye my lover

The rain pounds on the ground and leaves Watery Lane as one large mud puddle, the dirt splatters over your boots and stains your dress up to your knees. But you don't care, you're completely soaked anyway. Of course you forgot your umbrella at home. You quickly run down the streets to Polly's house and open the back door. As you step into the kitchen, you are immediately enveloped in a pleasant warmth, which comes from the fire in the fireplace. You put the basket full of purchases on the table and try not to dirty the whole kitchen floor. ,,Hello? Someone there? "You call into the quiet house." Aunt Polly? " "I'm here dear." Polly comes from the betting shop, which is full despite the rain. "Did you get everything?" You sigh “Of course not. There are no more potatoes, only beets. " "There will be better times again." Polly goes to the cabinet and takes out the old coffee can in which she hides her money and takes out a pound note to give it to you for your purchases. "It's okay." You say and start to put away the food. "Y / N" starts Polly, but you don't let her finish. "I don't want your money." "And I don't want your handouts." Polly sounds a little annoyed. "It's my father's money as well." Your father would probably kill you if he knew that you don't spend his money on new clothes as you claim, but to buy food for the Shelbys. You know that Polly is too proud is to ask for money, but you also know that times are bad and that the war is making it difficult to support five children. "Besides, you're feeding me anyway." You add, and Polly finally clears the money away with a sigh. "Thank you Y / N." "Not for that, you're family." The Shelbys aren't really your family, at least not yet. “I change quickly and then I cook. Are everyone at home? "  "No, only Ada, Finn and I are there. Unfortunately I don’t know, where the noble gentlemen hang around.  “All right. So cold food for the Shelby brothers. " Polly laughs lightly as you slip off your dirty shoes and then run up the stairs to put some dry clothes on. "Y / N!" Ada comes towards you halfway up the stairs and immediately grabs your hand. "You're freezing."

“It's cold outside." "Not that you get sick." She paddles and then pulls you into her room. You quickly slip out of your wet dress and put on one of Ada's dresses. Your best friend is sitting on her bed and has that special look on it, which she always has when she messes up. "What happened?" You ask as you slip into dry socks. “Freddy was here. He knew Tommy was away. " “And?” You ask, you can't suppress your grin. Ada has always been in love with Freddy. "He kissed me," she whispers and then begins to giggle. "Oh Ada." You call happily and take her in your arms. "He said he really liked me." “And what did you say?" "That I like him too." “And now?" ,,I don’t know. Tommy will be angry. " "Don't worry about Tommy for once and enjoy your first great love Ada. You will miss the feeling once you are my age." You say and brush one of the brown strands of hair from her face. You are mostly annoyed by Tommy's alpha male behavior anyway. “You´re not even two years older than me.” “But almost.” you say and wink at her. “Ada, Y / N. I'm hungry. "Finn suddenly shouts through the house. You and Ada roll your eyes. "Who raised this child?" "Nobody." Ada laughs and jumps up from her bed. She leaves the room, grabs Finn, who is standing in the hallway, and takes him in her arms. "Will you help us cook?" "Arthur says that's women stuff." "Arthur has no idea about women's stuff, you shouldn't listen to him." You say and ruffles his hair. "Okay, then I'll help you." It's so easy to convince children of something. If only it were the same with adults. Then you don't have to lie to your parents and tell them you're in nursing school when you actually go to the Shelby's every Thursday. Ada lets her little brother get on his feet again and he runs into the kitchen. Finn isn't really a help in the kitchen, but he enjoys helping Ada and you and so you pretend you have important tasks for the little one. You are about to peel the beets when the kitchen door opens and Tommy, Arthur and John come in cursing. "Shit weather. Fucking rain, that's unbearable" Says Arthur and hangs his wet coat on the rack. “Don´t curse before Finn.” you said and hit him with a kitchen rag. "Is the meal fucking ready yet?" Asks Tommy with a curious look at the pots you are cooking in front of you. "Not yet." Ada replies, and hits her brother on the back of the head with the wooden spoon. "And it doesn't go any faster if you're in the way." "Wow Ada, you are in a fucking good mood today." Laughs John, then his gaze meets you and his smile becomes even wider. "Hello princess." He comes up to you and wraps his arms around you to kiss you on the cheek. "Hello Love." You say and nestle into his arms. John Shelby is the love of your life, and you couldn't be more grateful that you found him at the age of only 14. Despite all the difficulties your families have made you, the last years have been the best of your life. "God, I'm getting sick with all this cuddling and kissing." Arthur says. "Please do that in John's room." “Please do not! The walls are extremely thin and I have the room next door." says Tommy. John gives his brothers an angry look. Even though you spend at least one night at the Shelby house every week, there hasn't been anything Tommy could have heard. “Boys. Be quiet. Y / N comes from a decent family, you still know what is proper. And how often should I tell you that no one curses in front of Finn?” Polly calls out when entering the kitchen. "Now put on dry clothes, otherwise you will get sick. Then you wash your hands and help Finn with the table-setting. And don't you think you don´t have to tell where you've been all morning. " You and Ada start laughing when the three brothers make faces to match the weather outside. It doesn't take long, and the food is on the table. Of course, Tommy, Arthur and John skilfully avoided setting the table by simply spending the rest of the time in their rooms changing. Polly's little kitchen is filled with the smell of food, warmth, and the feeling of family. During the meal, John's hand lies on your knee the whole time, you can't deny the butterflies that are dancing in your stomach. Polly waits for everyone to finish. "Finn please go upstairs." The little boy looks at his aunt annoyed, but then does what she says. John tenses next to you, Arthur avoids all looks, only Tommy remains calm on the outside, the only sign of his tension is that he is pulling harder than usual on his cigarette. All three of them know that they can't evade Polly anymore, and by the way they act you know that they screwed up a lot. You and Ada exchange a curious look. "Where have you been?" Asks Polly, her tone revealing that she will neither accept discussions nor lies. The three Shelbys stay silent, they are silent until Tommy has put his cigarette out in the ashtray. "We enlisted ourselves." It will take you a second to understand the meaning of his words, then it hits you like a slap in the face. You turn to John. "You did fucking what?" "I'm going to France." He replies without looking at you. "No." you shake your head. "No way!" you jump up, his hand slipping off your knee and leaving a cold chill on your skin. ,,Absolutely no way" "I don't think that's your decision Y / N." Tommy interferes. "Shut up." You hiss at him. John slowly gets up from his seat, his gaze searches for yours and he raises his hands reassuringly. "Y / N please listen to me." ”No! I don't want to listen to you, and you won't go to war either. " "None of you will go to war," says Ada, there are tears in her eyes and she is clutching Arthur's hand as if she could hold on to him. "We have to go there sooner or later anyway." Tommy tries again in a calm voice. "Better later, then." Says Ada. “Ada, Y / N. Calm down. "Says Polly, but her voice also trembles with suppressed anger. “Calm down? The fuck no! This is crazy, this war is crazy, and you will die over there." Now the tears are running down your cheeks. You shake your head, give John another disappointed look and then run out of the kitchen. As you run, you slip into yours Boots and run out into the street, of course it's still raining. "Y / N!" You hear John calling but you just keep running. Actually, you wanted to slam the door behind you, but John was faster, catches it and follows you. He caught up with you in a few steps. "Wait." He takes your hand and pulls you towards him. You try to pull yourself away, but he's stronger than you. Not once did John say that he wanted to go to war. He didn't even mention this goddamn war. “Let me." “No. Please listen to me." “No, I don't want to listen to you. Why should I? You're doing what you want anyway! You go to war, leave me here, and then you die. Don't even think for a second that I'll sit here and wait for you while you do the stupidest thing you've ever done." John looks like you punched him in the face or kicked him in the balls. Or both at the same time. "You won't wait for me?" His voice trembles. John's voice never trembles. You look into his blue eyes and see only pain, pain and tears. You have never seen John cry and this second it breaks your heart. You don't want to be the reason he's crying, ever. You feel as if there is no more air in your lungs and your words burn like poison on your tongue. More and more tears run down your cheeks as you shake your head and nestle against his chest. "Of course I'm waiting for you." You sob. "Please don't leave me." John hugs you like he's never going to let go of you. “I won’t leave you. Never." You completely forget the rain and the cold. The only thing that matters right now is John. You take a deep breath of his scent, trying to memorize how his arms feel around your body. “Then don't go to war. Don't go to France. " “I must. If we don't go willingly, they will soon force us. You know that. At least now it´s our decision. Please understand that." You hate yourself for it, but of course you can understand him. "When?" You ask, tears are still running down your cheeks, John looks at you and carefully wipes them away. “In a week." he whispers and blows a kiss on your lips. Your heart contracts and you dig into his shirt. In a week, you only have one week with the love of your life.

---

“You're too late." “I'm sorry. I had to do something. " "For Tommy?" You roll your eyes. "You go to war tomorrow and still he uses you as his errand boy." “I'm not Tommy's fucking errand boy. I just had something to do. Please don't argue with me. Not on our last day. " You sigh, tears come to your eyes again, the idea of ​​being separated from him tomorrow will tear your heart apart. "Hey, princess, don´t cry. I'll be back before you can really miss me. "He strokes your cheek and presses you a light kiss on the lips. ,,Come on now! I have a surprise." “A surprise? You?" "Yes, I've thought we´re doing something romantic today." You can't help but laugh. "You?" John gives you an angry look and lets go of your hand, he turns his head to the side, but you can see his cheeks turning red. "Then not and stop fucking laughing. " Immediately you stop and grab his hand to pull him towards you. He allows it, but his posture is still tense. “I'm sorry. But Jonny Boy, your idea of ​​romance is drinking a bottle of Whisky on Aunt Polly's roof. " "Star gazing is romantic." "So do we look at the stars?" You ask and press him a kiss on the cheek, finally he smiles again. “No, not today. Come on now, wifey. " Your heart skips, sometimes he calls you that and every time you can't help but smile at the thought of being Mrs. Shelby one day. John takes your hand and starts walking. He pulls you to a car and opens the passenger door for you. "Where did you get that car from?" You ask in surprise as you climb into the car. You have never driven in a car and somehow you are also sure that John has never driven too. "Borrowed from a friend." “You don´t have any friends. Did you steal it? " "Would that turn you on?" He grins cockily at you. "A little bit maybe." "Be quiet or I'll take you here and now in this fucking car." You feel the blood rush to your cheeks and you lower your eyes. John starts laughing and starts the car, to his surprise he really seems to know how to drive. You drive for a while, away from the dusty roads and smoky air of Small Heath until the area becomes rural and through a small forest. You breathe in the fresh air deeply, the sun shines through the leaves and warms your face. John parks the car in a small clearing and climbs out of the car. You want to open your door, but John hits the hood once. You flinch and look at him in shock. "Stay seated." He says, comes around the car and opens the door for you. You roll your eyes, but then take his hand and let him help you out of the car. "Since when are you such a gentleman? If the other Peaky Blindes would know. " "Just for you." He says and kisses you, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer to you. John breaks away from you and smiles at you, then he takes your hand and pulls you across the clearing to a large picnic blanket and a mountain of pillows, with a picnic basket next to it. You stop and notice how tears well up in your eyes. "Did you prepare that?" “Yes. I wanted to do something special. " "John .." you start and notice how a tear is running down your cheek, John sighs and carefully wipes it away with his thumb. "No more tears today, princess." "I'll try." ,,Let's eat. I'm hungry and Polly has made sandwiches. " You sit down on the soft blanket and John gets the sandwiches, a bottle of wine, a bottle of rum and a pack of cigarettes from the picnic basket. "You want to drink all of that?" You ask, slightly amused, as you take the bottles. "Maybe I need it." He whispers, so softly that you are sure you shouldn't have heard it. So you don't say anything and just smile. You enjoy the sandwiches and drink a little of the wine. After dinner you snuggle up to John and let the sunshine on your face. He puts his arm around you and pulls you to his chest, carefully drawing small circles on your upper arm. You take a deep breath of its familiar smell and wish that time would stand still. You wish that tomorrow never comes and that you two could lie here on this blanket forever. You wish there wouldn't be a war, there wouldn't be strict parents, and somehow also that there would be no Peaky Blinders. You just wish there wasn't anything that John could take away from you. "Y / N?" His voice breaks the silence. You lift your head and look into his beautiful face. John sits up a little and takes a deep breath. "I love you." “And I love you." “I know. And I know you don't want me to go to war. " "I understand that you have to go." John smiles slightly and strokes his light hair. “Yes, you understand. You understand me, always, and I couldn't be happier to have you. I know the next few weeks will be difficult. For you, for me and for our relationship. I'll be far away and I don't know how often I can write to you. "John takes another deep breath." And there's a small chance I won't come home. " Suddenly you get a bad feeling in your stomach. Is he breaking up with you right now? ,,I will wait for you. I'll wait for you my whole life if I have to. "Your hand shakes as you reach for his. “Can you please let me finish? Only once! "He says with a slight laugh. "Sorry." You say and look at your hands. John puts a finger under your chin and forces you to look at him. "I don't want you sitting around at home all the time, feeling sad and waiting for me to come home." He actually wants to break up with you. "I want you to be happy." "No!" You interrupt him. "No, you won't do that. It won't happen, ever." John looks at you in shock, his eyes suddenly full of sadness. "You're not breaking up with me now." You claw his hand as if you could stop him, as if he weren't stronger than you, as if he couldn't just tear himself away from you. "You think I want to break up with you?" Suddenly a smile plays around his lips and his eyes are full of joy again. That confuses you even more. “Yes, but that won't happen! You can't break up with me, I won't accept that. You said you love me, and I love you! We're not breaking up. You go to this fucking war and then you come home to me. And I'll wait here, write you letters and miss you until you get home. I'll wait until you come home. "Your voice almost cracks as you keep talking. “God Princess. I don't want to break up with you, I'm trying to ask you here if you want to marry me! " You look at him in shock for a brief moment. “Oh."

"Oh?" Asks John, a little uncertain. “Yes. Yes of course I want to marry you. You idiot! I thought you'd break up with me! That was a shitty marriage proposal! When you propose, the other person doesn't think you want to break up. " "If you don't let me finish again then I won't propose to you." John laughs and presses his lips to yours. "Are you quiet now so I can ask you the right way?" "But I already said yes." “Wifey! Shut up and for God's sake let me finish. "He says in a mock angry voice. You bend up again and kiss him. "Okay." You whisper to his lips. Then you sit up a little longer and look at him waiting, but you cannot banish the smile from your lips. John reaches into his pocket and pulls out an engagement ring. “Y / N. Would you do me the honor and become my wife? " You look at him in silence for a brief moment, exactly until his gaze becomes uncertain again. “Yes." John is breathing heavily. "You're going to bring me to the grave." You laugh and pull him back to you to kiss him. "I love you and don't say anything like that." "I love you too, princess." John takes your hand in his and carefully puts the ring on your finger, it fits perfectly. Tears well up in your eyes, but this time it's joy tears. You will become his wife. John kisses you again. "You promised not to cry anymore today," he whispers to your lips. "I said I would try." You answer and wrap your arms around his neck, you never want to let go of him again. The kiss becomes more intense, you bury your hand in his hair and pull him even closer to you. "I love you." You whisper between two kisses. "Not as much as I love you." He replies, his lips wandering over your cheeks to your neck. You let yourself sink back on the soft pillows below you, and John follows you. His warm body over yours, he leans on his upper arm so you don't feel his weight. John's lips find yours again and his hand moves over your body to your hip. You press yourself against him, your hands move to his neck and when John bites your lower lip lightly, you scratch your fingernails lightly over his skin. John moans softly.  You wrap your legs around the middle of his body, his hand wanders from your hip to your thigh, while he pushes your dress up slightly so that his warm hand runs over the skin of your leg. Your hands wander from the back of his neck over his muscular shoulders. John's lips wander back to your neck, first he spreads feather-light kisses on your skin, when he suddenly bites you moan softly. A pleasant warmth flows through you and you want to feel John even closer to you, you want to feel his skin on your, his hands on your body. John's hand moves slowly up your thigh. You have been at this point over and over again over the past few years, usually your body is tense now and you flinch away from its touch. You know he's waiting for it, he's waiting to pull back and hug you and whisper in your ear that it's okay and that he loves you and that he can wait until you're ready. But today you don't want to flinch. You are so flooded with happiness and love that it feels right, you feel ready. So you don´t flinch when his hand reaches the center of your body. “Is it okay if I touch you here?” His voice sounds darker than usual and leaves you with a pleasant shiver. You nod. “Words Princess.” “Yes, it´s okay. John I want you.” He comes off your lips to look you in the eyes..

“Are you sure? We don't have to do that. We can wait till I get back, we can wait until our wedding night. Or longer. I don´t care." “But I do care, I am sure, please John, I don´t want to wait any longer. Please. Make me your wife.”   He groans softly at your words, then he kisses you again full of love, passion and affection. John is careful, he takes his time to explore your body. You exchange whispered vows of love and promises about the future, about a future together. He doesn´t just take your virginity, he makes love to you. And when you lie sweaty and out of breath next to each other, you have the feeling as if your heart is jumping out of your chest for sheer happiness. John pulls you into his arms. “I love you, my wife.”

---

The platform is full, people crowd everywhere to say goodbye to the soldiers. You stand between the people, nestled close to John. “I'll come back to you. I promise you. " he whispers. “I'll wait." You kiss again, his lips taste salty from all the tears that run down your cheeks. Then you break away from each other. You look at him and try to memorize every little detail about him. You want the sight of him to burn in your brain and in your heart. John hugging his aunt and sister, and you are saying goodbye to Arthur and Tommy. Arthur kneels in front of Finn on the dusty platform and takes him in his arms. “You are the man in the house now. Take good care of our women and our business. Got it?" "Got it." Finn tries to sound brave, but he's crying too. Even if he doesn't really understand why his brothers have to go. The brothers get on the train, which leaves a few minutes later. Ada clings to your arm and cries, Polly pulls you both into a tight hug. “The three of them will be back soon. Don't worry, they'll all be back soon. "It sounds more like a prayer, and god you want to believe her.

----

Part 2 

This isn’t “goodbye”, this is simply “see you later” - Series Part 2 : Without you

Summary: John is far away in France to fight in a terrible war. And you stayed behind, you wait for him. But everything has consequences and when you find out about your pregnancy, the construct of lies that once was your life falls apart and you are alone, without your fiancé.

Pairing: John Shelby x Y/N Words: 8796 Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, family problems, talking about abortion (please let me know if i forgot something)

A/N: Timeskipes are marked with — English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own. Part 2/3    -> Part 1

GIF not mine 

You can also read this on AO3.

                                           Part 2: Without you 

It hasn't rained in 3 days and the air is a little too warm for this time of year, but you don't mind. You enjoy the sun while you can, autumn would come soon enough. You are walking down the streets next to a school friend, Emily. She said goodbye to her brother yesterday and is obviously worried about him, so you figured you'd distract her a little. "Who do we pick up again?" asks Emily. "An old friend of mine, Ada." you answer her. Polly asked you to look after Ada, she have gone into her room and won't come out. Ada's aunt worries that she will get sick and at least you go to nursing school. But you know she doesn't get sick, you know why she doesn't come out of her room. Freddy also went to France 1 week ago. Ada is like you, her lover went to war and left her behind. So Ada needs a little distraction too. You all need distraction, and a good tea and an afternoon with friends would be good for you all. You've cried a lot since John went to war, and every night you lie awake for hours hoping he's okay. The last 6 weeks without John have been difficult for you, but he would surely be back soon. A light wind blows through your hair and your dress blows around your legs. It's your favourite dress, maybe because it hugs your body so softly, or because John gave it to you as a gift. Probably both. "Hey sweety." you hear a loud whistle, but you don't turn to the voice, it's probably just another drunk worker, of whom there are more than enough here. Emily looks over her shoulder and tenses a little, but you keep walking down the street towards your destination. "Come on ladies, don't you fancy a little fun?" You roll your eyes and quicken your pace a little, Emily grabs your hand uncertainly. She is not often in this area and is more used to socializing with other people. Suddenly someone grabs your arm and holds you tight. Angry you turn around and Emily next to you looks at the small group of men in shock and fear. "Let me go." you say and try to tear yourself away. The self-assured look of men suddenly becomes insecure. "Let go of her, that's John's girl." says one of the men. "He said he would kill anyone who touches her." The stranger lets you go. "Excuse me, Miss Shelby." “It's all right,” you say, grabbing Emily's arm and pulling her down the street. "You are John Shelby's wife?" asks Emily in shock. "His fiancée, it's a secret." Meeting this men confused you. You know John and his brothers do a few things that are not legal. But you didn't know that the Peaky Blinders are causing so much horror in Birmingham that these men would listen to his threats. What does John do when he's not with you? "You really lead a double life." says Emily, her eyes glowing with excitement. "I don't. But please don't tell anyone." "Of course not." You arrive at Pollys house, and you open the door to the betting shop, there isn't much going on inside. Polly is sitting at Tommy's desk, concentrating on a few papers. "Hello Aunt Polly." "Y / N, nice to see you." her gaze goes to Emily. "A friend of mine. We wanted to pick up Ada." Polly nods, she looks a little tired and suddenly you have a bad conscience, you haven't been here the last few days. You have a hard time being in John's home when he's not there. Everything reminds you of him and then you miss him even more. "Do you need help?" you ask "No, it's okay. Could you just take a quick look at Finn's writing practice?" "Of course." you go through the shop to the back where Polly's house is. Finn sits at the kitchen table and writes a few simple words in a messy script. "Hello little one, how is it going?" "Good. I can already write my name." he tells you proudly. Then he sees Emily. "Who is this?" he immediately asks sceptically. "A friend of mine." "That's fine then." he tries to sound older than he is, which makes you smile. You correct a few small mistakes and then send him out to play. "You will be back before the sun goes down." "Yes Sister." he calls out and then disappears out the back door. Emily looks around the small kitchen a little. "You really lead a double life." she says again. "The Shelbys are my family." "Does your real family know that?" she asks, but a slight smile plays around her lips. "No, and that's better that way. Come on." you go up the stairs and knock on Ada's door. No answer. "Ada? Ada open the door, I know you're there." you say and knock again. It takes a moment and Ada opens the door. "What do you want?" "I told you I'd come over today. Come on, get ready. We'll spend the afternoon together." Ada rolls her eyes. "But I don´t want to." "I don't care, you have 5 minutes or I'll drag you out of here in your nightgown." you try to put on Polly's stern look, but you're pretty sure you won't quite make it. Nevertheless, Ada sets herself in motion and gets ready. 20 minutes later the 3 of you are outside and let the last warm rays of sun shine on your face. And you were right, the day was really good for all of you. In the evening you accompany Emily and then Ada home. As you step into Polly's house, the smell of food envelops you. "You have perfect timing." Polly greets you. "The food is almost ready." The back door opens and Finn comes in, he's full of dirt and dust, but his eyes are bright and his cheeks are flushed from running. "Letters have come. From France. Y / N here, your name is on it." You will instantly recognize John's handwriting and your heart will skip a beat. Finn hands you the letter and when you are excited to hear from John again you pack him the bag of your dress. "You don't want to read it?" asks Polly, she's also holding a letter in her hand, with Arthur's handwriting on the envelope. "Yes, of course, but calmly. I read it at home." Polly nods, then opens Arthur's letter, her eyes darting quickly over the lines. "They are fine." she then says and then passes it on to Ada, who also quickly skims the lines. You read over her shoulder, but Arthur's handwriting is so messy that you can barely read his words. It doesn´t take long and you  all sitt at the dinner table. Finn tells a little about his adventures down by the river today. His childlike light-heartedness does not fit into the mood of the depressed and warlike mood that prevails in England, but it gives you the feeling of home and cheers you up. After dinner you help Polly clean up while Ada forces Finn to take a bath. Then you say goodbye and make your way home. "Y / N there you are finally. You missed the meal." your mother greets you. "I'm sorry, I went shopping with Emily, we forgot the time." Your mother shakes her head, but she's not really mad. "I'll ask the maid to reheat the food." "I'm not hungry. But I am very tired." Your mother had to give you a critical look. ,,Okay. Good night my child." "Good night mother. I love you." "I love you." your mother gives you a kiss on the forehead and you run up the stairs to your room. You quickly lock the door behind you and take John's letter out of your pocket.   My beloved princess, I hope you are alright and you don't miss me too much. Just a little bit, so you don't forget me. I am sorry that I will only get in touch with you now. The trip to France took longer than we all thought. I don't want to bore you with details about the war. But France is really beautiful, the landscape, the cities, the weather is also a little better than at home. It doesn't rain that much, but it's very cold. I think you would like France, maybe one day we will travel here when the war is over. I think about you all the time, about you and about our future. Tommy is joking about me, but I don't care. I wake up every morning and look forward to coming home to you. I miss you so much. How is it in England? Are Finn, Ada and Polly all right? Arthur is always in a bad mood, I think he misses the English alcohol, and France is probably too cold for him. But otherwise, he's fine, we're all fine. I'm supposed to give you best regards from Tommy and Arthur. I love you so much. And I'll see you soon, I promise I'll be back before Christmas. John   You lower the letter and take a deep breath. Even if it's total nonsense, you imagine that the letter smells a little like John. Your heart contracts painfully and you feel like you're going to throw up if he's apart from you for just a second longer. It's been the same for six weeks, you can distract yourself easily during the day, but as soon as you're alone in your room you miss him so much that it hurts. You sit down at your little desk and start writing an answer to his letter. ---   The sun shines through your curtains and blinds you a little. You blink a few times and then turn away from the sun. Your eyes still sting a little from all the tears you cried that night. Not every night is that bad, but most are. John has been in France for 3 months now, but you still miss him as much as you did on the first day. You climb out of your warm bed and get ready for the day. "Y / N, are you coming for breakfast?" your mother's voice shines through the house. You look again in the small mirror in your room, with a little make-up you don't look that tired, but you can't get rid of your tearful eyes. You quickly run down the stairs and meet your parents in the dining room. The maid has already set the table and prepared breakfast. Like every morning, your father has disappeared behind his newspaper and your mother is trying to have a casual conversation. But you're too tired and too sad to play the happy girl you were a few weeks ago. Before John left. "Are you coming to my office today after school? The books need to be checked." asks your father after reading the newspaper. "Yes of course." not even your favorite task is giving you anticipation. You go to nursing school because your mother wanted it, but only on the condition that you can still help in your father's office. You love numbers and math. "Actually, I had thought that Y / N would not go to school today and would spend the day with me instead." your mother interferes. "We hardly have mother daughter time because she has so much to do with school, then the study group and the practical hours in the hospital." There is neither a study group, nor practical hours in the hospital, they were all excuses to be able to spend more time with the Shelbys. "All right, but then tomorrow." says your father and you nod. After you've finished the family breakfast, your father goes to work. Your mother puts a cup of tea in front of you and looks at you carefully. You are uncomfortable with her look. "Who is the father?" "What?" you ask in surprise. "Who is the father Y / N?" your mother's voice sounds very calm and she smiles at you understandingly. "What are you talking about?" you ask, you have no idea what she means. "You are tired all the time, but you sleep a lot, you look a little bloated and your pain pills in the bathroom are still full. So you didn't get your monthly bleeding. Who is the father?" You feel your heart start beating faster in your chest, you didn't even notice. You were so busy with school, taking care of Finn and missing John that you didn't even notice. Are you pregnant? That can't really be. You notice how tears well up in your eyes as you sink onto the soft sofa in the living room. Your mother is by your side and hugs you. "That can't be. It was only once." "That's enough dear." says your mother and then sighs. "So the father, who is it and will he marry you?" Your hand goes to the engagement ring hanging on a chain around your neck. ,,Yes. He promised. As soon as he comes back from France. " Your mother sighs again. "That can take a while." "No, he said he'd be back soon, before Christmas." You can see in your mother's eyes that she doesn't believe it. Still she smiles. "Will you tell me his name?" You swallow once and look down at your hands. Even if she's not mad just yet, she will be as soon as she knows that John is the father. How many times has she told you stay away from the Shelbys? They are not good company, they will ruin you, they will drag you into their criminal activities. Your mother had told you all this so many times. "John Shelby." you whisper and now the tears are running down your cheeks. Your mother gets up in one quick motion. "That gypsy!" she pronounces it like a swear word. "Mom please. I'm so sorry, I didn't want this to happen." "Did he force you?" "What no! Of course not, he loves me and I love him. And we will get married as soon as he is back in England. He promised that." "Men promise a lot if they want under your skirt. I thought I taught you that." ,,Mom please. He loves me.” Your mother sighs. "Did he tell you that?” "Yes! And that he will marry me. And that we are a family." you answer and cross your arms stubbornly over your chest. "Men lie! Believe me, they all lie." "Not John. Mama believe me, he loves me. And we're engaged." "Another lie, he won't marry you. Please believe me, men like him get bored of women easily." "You don't even know him. He's a good man and he won't be bored with me, we've been together for years." "What?" asks your mother in surprise. "We've been together for years, secretly. Because you and Dad would never have accepted him. Although you don't even know him, he's a gypsy who cares? But he's also friendly, loving and good. And his family treat me like I'm one of them already. The Shelbys are good people, please believe me. " Your mother takes a few deep breaths and is silent for a long time. "He's living with his aunt right?" You nod. "I want to speak to her." your mother gets up and rings the bell for the maid. "Please get our coats, we're going out." "You want to meet Polly? Right now?" you ask in surprise, you would have expected your mother to scream and be angry, but definitely not that. "Yes." The maid brings your coats and you make your way to Watery Lane. Your mother's gaze is sceptical of the run-down houses, the children walking barefoot across the street and the drunk workers. "Nice environment." she snippets off. "Can you please not be so biased?" "I'll try." You keep walking down the street, a few of the men glare at you and your mother grabs her expensive coat tighter. But you don't worry, in the last few months you've realized just how big the influence of the Peaky Blinders is in Birmingham. Everyone respects John and his brothers, and their word applies even when they are far away in France. "You don't have to be afraid." "Here you will be robbed if you look the wrong way." "Yeah, maybe, but we don't." "And why are you so sure about that?" "Trust me." You arrive at Polly's house and you open the door. Immediately you feel at home. "Y / N!" Finn yells and comes running towards you. He jumps into your arms and hugs you tightly. "Finn, not so stormy." you say, but you also hug him. In the past few weeks you've always been too tired to really play with him, and of course the little boy noticed that. Since Finn doesn't know how to deal with the new situation and no one has taught him how to express his feelings properly, he reacts either angry or clingy. You're glad he's clinging to you today. "Mum, may I introduce you. Finn Shelby, John's brother. Finn, this is my mother." you introduce the two of them, your mother holds out a hand to Finn, but he only tilts his head. "You have to shake her hand." you say softly and nudge Finn. He nods and grabs your mother's hand with his dirty little hand to give her a quick shake. "Is Aunt Polly here?" "In the shop." "Will you get her please? And then go upstairs." "But.." "Do not discuss with me." you say in a stern tone. You don't want to be mean or dismissive to him. But you're too tense to care for his feelings at this moment. You have no idea why your mother would want to talk to Polly and to be honest you're terrified. Finn rolls his eyes, but then turns to get Polly. Polly enters the small kitchen. "Y/N, what happened? Lot to do today." she stops when she sees your mother standing next to you. Polly closes the door to the betting shop behind her and forces a smile on her face. "Mrs. Y/L/N. How can I help you?" "Your nephew got my daughter pregnant." your mother says with suppressed anger in her voice. Polly doesn't react at all surprised, she just nods slightly. "I know." "Since when?" you ask shocked. "About a week. I read your tea leaves. It will be a healthy girl." At her words, a strange feeling of happiness and calm washes over you, even if it doesn't completely replace the panic. "Gypsy nonsense" spits out your mother. "It's not that. Did you just come to insult my family or is there anything else I can help you with?" Polly now asks your mother and you admire her self-confidence once again. Your mother is used to always being treated with kindness and respect, and because of her family and her good marriage, she is used to getting what she wants. "I'll take Y/N to a doctor in London tomorrow, after that the problem will be solved and I don't want any more contact between my daughter and your nephew." "The two are engaged, I can hardly forbid John the contact with his future wife." "Oh please! We both know that this marriage will never happen. We both know that John will never marry my daughter, he never intended to, all he wanted was someone to warm his bed. " You want to yell your mother that John will keep his word and that he loves you. But Polly is faster. "Get out of my house! I will not have you slander the honesty and honor of my nephew and my entire family with your lies. John is a good man, he will keep his word and he loves Y/N . If you accept that, you're welcome back here, not until then." "Gypsy pack." says your mother. "Y/N, come on, let's go home, there's a lot to do until tomorrow." "No!" you say and take a few steps away from your mother. "I won't come with you, and I won't go to London tomorrow either." You put your hand protectively on your flat stomach, even if you can't imagine that a small person is really growing in it. "You have no choice Y/N! What do you think happens? Do you think you can stay here? And wait for John to come back and then you get married and live happily ever after?" your mother's tone is taunting, but you don't care. "Yes! That's exactly how it will be." you know yourself that you sound naive. But you know that John loves you and that you will be a family. Your mother shakes her head. "Fine, make that decision! But don´t come back when you're out on the street in a few weeks." she throws another disparaging look in the direction of Polly and then disappears from the small kitchen. As the door closes behind her, tears begin to fall from your eyes, even though you can't really believe what just happened, even if you can't believe your mother just really let you down. Polly is quickly at your side and hugs you. "Take it easy dear, everything will be fine. Don't get upset, it's not good for your child." "I don't know what to do now." you bring out tears. Polly strokes your hair soothingly. "First you stop crying, then I want you to get some rest and then we'll see, alright?" you nod "Well, then go up to John's room and get some sleep, I'll tell some of the Blinders to get your things from your parents' house." "No! My mother will freak out if the Peaky Blinders show up at her door. She'll call the police." Polly sighs. "Maybe you're right. There are only the younger ones here and I really don't have time for problems with the police right now." she thinks aloud. "I still have a few things here." you say weak "That will be enough until everyone has calmed down and until John is back." your voice sounds hopeful, as soon as John comes back in a few weeks everything will be fine. Polly nods. "All right, we'll take care of that later. Rest now." You nod and leave the kitchen to go up the stairs to John's room, when you've just reached the stairs Polly calls after you. "And of course you won't end up on the streets, no matter what happens here you will always have a home." Polly's words bring tears to your eyes. "Thank you Aunt Polly."   You sleep most of the afternoon and only wake up when Ada knocks on the door and sticks her head in the room. "Can I come in?" "Yes." you sit up a bit in bed, Ada slips out of her shoes and sits next to you on the mattress. "Polly told me everything. How are you?" "I don't know. I'm scared and I'm sad about my mother's behaviour, but at the same time I've never been happier in my life. I'm having a baby! A real little human. I want to believe that everything will be fine. " "It will be for sure! John will be home soon and so will Tommy and Arthur and then everything will be like before." says Ada. "Freddie will come home then." you say and lightly nudge Ada in the side, she sighs. "I haven't gotten a single letter yet. And he said not to write to him, he doesn't want Tommy to find out." Now you have to sigh too and take Ada in your arms. "It'll be all right. You said he said he loves you." "But men lie." "You sound like my mother." Ada grimaces. "Don't say something that horrible." she then says with a slight laugh. "Polly says your mother was pretty mean." her tone becomes serious again and this time you sigh. "She practically threw me out of the family." you reply, you want it not to matter to you, but it doesn't. It hit you hard. Ada rubs your back. "She's coming to her senses." she then says. "And besides, now you really are my sister." she tries to cheer you up. "What did I do to deserve this?" "Hey." Ada nudges you lightly in the ribs, not as hard as she used to, but gently. Like you're fragile, even if you're not. But now a little human is growing inside you, and that little human is fragile and weak. You must protect him, whatever the cost. "Everything is going to be alright." you say, more to you and your child than to Ada, but she nods anyway. "Would you like to help me in the kitchen, or do you want to rest?" ask her after you've been silent for a while. "I'm rested, I'm happy to help you."   In the early evening Finn comes home completely dirty, you send him to bathe first and then start to heat up the food with Ada's help. Polly closes the betting shop for the day and then joins Ada and you. "How are you Y/N?" she asks first. "I'm better, I slept a little." Polly nods and smiles at you, then she goes to help Finn and a short time later they are all eating together. But domestic peace does not last long. Your father comes barging into Polly's house. "Y/N!" he yells. "How could you be so irresponsible? Your mother told me everything. You don't really think I'll let you get away with this stupid idea, do you? A gypsy in our family? Never! You're coming home with me right now and tomorrow morning I'll drive you personally to London to see Dr. Conner." Your father is walking towards you, your whole body is rigid with fear, you have never seen your father so angry. Finn jumps up from his chair and stands in your father's way. "No! Y/N stays here with us, she's family." You don't know who told Finn everything, or maybe he's just getting more than you think. "Get out of my way kid, who do you think you are?" "I'm the man of the house! And I take care of the women and the business." he says, he can't help the trembling in his voice, but you're so proud of him that it doesn't matter. Your father looks at Finn confused and angry, the vein in his throat throbbing violently under his skin. "You heard the boy." Polly says, unbeknownst to you and Ada, she has drawn her gun and is now tapping it on the kitchen table. "Get out of my house. Like your wife, you are not welcome back here until you can talk to us in a reasonable and civilized manner about the future. Until then, have a good day, Mr. Y/L/N." To your surprise, your father leaves the house without saying another word. "Eat on children, otherwise the food will get cold." Polly says after a moment and puts the gun back in her skirt pocket. "You did well Finn." The little one is beaming with pride, he has done his job as Arthur told him to do. You and Ada also start picking at your food again, even if you're not hungry you have to eat for your baby. ---   You won't hear a word from your parents for the next few days. You're trying to get into a normal daily routine. You go to nursing school, do the shopping and take care of Finn with Ada, even if you realize that it all costs you more energy than before and you often sleep a few hours before eating. It takes you over a week to sit down and write a letter to John.   My dear John,   I hope you're doing well, I hope you're all doing well. I miss you so terribly. But I also have news. Good news I think, at least that's what Polly says all the time. I wish I could look you in the eye and deliver this message to you personally, but unfortunately I can't. I'm pregnant, we're going to have a little baby. I don't know if you're happy or not, I hope you are. I hope it's good news for you too. My parents are very angry, not only because of the pregnancy, but also because they know about us now. About us and our engagement. Father was very angry, I think he would have liked to get on the next train to go to France to put a bullet in your head. I hope he comes to terms with the new situation. Mom wanted me to have an abortion, but I want to have this child even though we're not married yet. I'm staying with Polly now. It's okay, although I'm saddened by my parents' reaction. But everything will be fine. Once you're home everything will be fine. I know that! I just hope you'll be with me again soon. I can't wait to see you again.   We're waiting for you at home.   Love Y/N     Polly will make sure the letter gets to the post office the same day. You're nervous about John's answer, but deep in your heart you know that everything will be fine.   ---   The next few weeks go by far too quickly, your belly is growing all the time and it's becoming difficult to hide it under loose clothing. On a Tuesday afternoon, after your class, the director of the school comes up to you. "Miss Y/L/N." you startle, but you smile. "How can I help you sir?" his stern gaze doesn't soften for a second, he first looks at you, then his gaze goes to your stomach and then to your finger, on which the engagement ring is stretched but no wedding ring yet. In that second you know he knows and you swallow the lump in your throat. "Your tuition has not been paid so I have spoken to your father and he has clarified your situation to me. I hereby inform you that you are no longer welcome at my school. Have a nice day." with that he turns away and leaves you standing. You feel tears welling up in your eyes, but you swallow them and turn to leave. You just want to get out of here. Emily slips past you, when she sees your face she stops. "Y/N, what happened?" ask her worried. "Nothing." you say, but your voice trembles way too much. Emily doesn't believe you. She grabs your hand. "You're lying, tell me what's going on." her voice is soft, but you still shake your head. "Believe me, you don't want to be seen with me." you say, break free and just run away. As you enter Polly's house, you finally let the tears roll down your cheeks. Ada looks at you, startled. "What happened? Is something wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?" she asks immediately. "The baby is fine." you say quickly to calm her down. You didn't want to scare her. "I was kicked out of school. My father stopped paying and told the principal everything. Of course they don't want unmarried pregnant women at their school." Ada hugs you. "What assholes." "Don't curse in front of the baby." you say softly which makes Ada giggle. "I try it." You wipe the tears from your face and try a smile. "It's not that bad, I never wanted to be a nurse anyway." you say and carefully stroke your growing belly with one hand. Even if you never wanted to become a nurse, you enjoyed the training and it was a nice feeling to have something of your own, to be able to learn. But because of your pregnancy, that's being taken away from you now. It's unfair, the whole world is unfair. But then you have to think about the little baby growing inside you and you know it's worth all this trouble. You would go through hell for your little baby and it's not even born yet. "Letters have come from France." says Ada suddenly. "Why don't you say that directly?" you say, all sadness and anger is suddenly forgotten. "I thought it was something with the baby." Ada takes a letter and holds it out to you. You immediately recognize John's handwriting and rip the letter out of Ada's hand, but when you try to open it your hands are shaking too much. "What if he wants an abortion." you say in a toneless voice. "We're still so young, and don't get married either." Adam sighs. "I don't think so. But you have to read the letter for it. I can stay here and hold your hand if you want." You nod and sit down next to Ada on the small sofa. Her warm hand encloses yours and you carefully open the letter.   My beloved wife,   I know this is a difficult time for you, but nothing in my life has ever made me happier than reading that you are pregnant. I don't care that your parents hate me, but I'm sorry you're suffering. I wish I could do something. Maybe your parents will forgive us once we're married, after all we're family then. I miss you so much my princess. I just think about you and our little baby all the time. When I come home we'll get married and I'll buy a house and we'll be a real little family. Just that thought makes me happier than I've ever been in my life. You're my reason to stay alive and come home and now you've given me another reason, I swear I'm coming home to you and our baby. I'll be back before the baby comes and I'll hold your hand during the birth, I promise.   I love you. your husband John     His words lighten your heart and are all that keeps you going for the next few months. You can no longer hide your stomach under baggy clothes and you notice people's looks. They look at you like an outcast, some even shouting snide remarks after you. You try to ignore it, but you find it difficult. You write a letter to your mother asking her to come visit you. But she doesn't answer you. Ada tries to cheer you up all the time, but she doesn't succeed. You're sitting in the living room with Finn, practicing reading with him, when there's a knock and Emily enters. "Hello Y/N. I hope it's okay that I visit you." You nod, surprised that she is coming to visit you, but she sits down next to you and smiles kindly. "Everybody talks at school. They say you got pregnant and now the Shelbys are forcing you to have the baby. Some also say that Polly put a gypsy curse on your family." she says calmly. "I'm sorry." You don't know what to say and just nod. "How are you? What does the doctor say? Is the child healthy?" "I'm fine. I miss John and yes the baby is fine. The doctor says he's a bit big for his age so it's probably going to be a boy but Polly swears it's going to be a girl. I am it doesn't matter, I just want the baby to be healthy and for John to come home." "Would you like to go into town a little, maybe for some tea? I invite you." Emily still looks at you kindly and you nod. Distraction would certainly do you good. So the two of you hit the road and spend a relaxing time together, Emily shielding you from most looks, she doesn't seem to care that you're pregnant and unmarried. She seems like a really good friend. "I often get letters from my brother, he says it's terrible in France. He says war makes frightened children out of the best men. He says soldiers are dying like flies in summer." You set the tea aside, sickened at the thought that John might die. Emily catches your gaze. "Oh my god Y/N! I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking. Isn't John writing you?" "Yes, often. Just not about the war. He writes that he misses me and that he loves me. And he writes that he is happy about our child." you answer. Emily nods. "I didn't mean to make you sad. John is in a different unit, so maybe it's not so bad for him." "Yes, perhaps." you answer and try to find your good mood again. It's late when Emily escorts you home, the sun has set and the streets are dark ahead of you. Suddenly you hear a whistling from the side and three drunk men come towards you. Not again! Somehow Emily and you attract bad luck. "Nah sweethearts. Why so late on the road?" says a man, but you ignore him and walk on. But of course the men stand in your way. "Come on honey, I can see you're just a stupid whore. After all, you got yourself pregnant and that without a husband." his cold hand grabs your arm and you try to pull away. "Leave her alone." Emily intervenes, but she is held by another man. You panic, but you try to stay calm. Suddenly a loud bang cuts through the evening silence. You jump, startled, and only when the man collapses in front of you do you realize that the bang was a shot. The other men stare in horror at their friend, who is bleeding on the floor. "Nobody touch this woman! By order of the Peaky Blinders." Jeremiah Jesus is standing across the street, stowing his gun. He'd been in France for the last year, you know that. You didn't know he came back already and you didn't know he was in the Peaky Blinders. "Go home now." he says to you and Emily. You nod and then start walking. The shock is still deep, Jeremiah had just shot a man for you, on the orders of the Peaky Pictures. By order of John. Your whole body is shaking when you and Emily come home. "So much excitement is not good for the baby." Emily keeps saying, you can see from her pale face and her trembling hands that the whole situation upset her too. "Let's never talk about this again." you say in a cold voice and stroke your stomach. You are safe now, John saved you. That's the only thing you want to think about right now.   ---   John's next letter contains not only declarations of love and promises that he will be back soon, but also a list of children's names. You read through this list a hundred times and talk to Ada about which name she likes. "You don't have to worry about boy names. It's going to be a girl." says Polly with a slight smile on her face. "But the doctors say it will be a boy." or so you say. "The doctors are wrong my child." Polly strokes your hair once and then makes her way back to the kitchen. Finn runs into the living room and jumps on Ada's lap. "What are you doing?" he asks. "We're thinking of a name for your nephew or nephew." "For John and Y/N Baby?" "Right." you say. "I'm looking forward to the baby." Finn says. You kiss his head. "I'm looking forward to the baby too." you say and smile at the little boy. "Would you like to read us something?" asks Ada. Finn thinks for a moment. "I can't read very well yet." "That's not true. You read great, please." "OK." Finn jumps up and gets one of his exercise books. He really can't read very well, but it's Ada's and your job to boost his confidence and support him. You lean back on the small sofa while Finn reads, stuttering. You're incredibly tired again, but you're trying to stay awake. There is an incredible stillness in this moment and you look forward to your future life as Shelby. With John by your side and your little baby. He'll be home soon and he promised to hold your hand when your baby is born.   ---   John didn't keep his promise. When your water bursts you are alone with Ada and Polly, the men are still far away in France. You've never been in pain like this, the birth drags on for hours and you curse John for doing this to you and for not being here now. At the same time, you want nothing more than to hold his hand. But he's not with you, so you hold Ada's hand and cry with her. But when you hold the little bundle in your arms, everything is forgotten. There's nothing more important than your little girl and that she's okay. "She looks healthy and strong." says Polly. "You did well dear. I'm proud of you." You want to write John a letter right away, but you're too weak, you can't even sit properly by yourself. Besides, you'd have to let your daughter out of your arms and that's the last thing you want. "I can write him a letter." Polly says and you nod. "Please hurry, it's supposed to be out in the mail today. John must know we're fine." Polly nods with a smile and brushes a strand of sweaty hair away from your face. "I will write immediately." she says in a soft voice. "Sleep a little now, the birth was exhausting for you." "But.." "No but Y/N. Your daughter is sleeping anyway, and Ada can watch out for that." "I will not leave your side." Ada says, sitting next to you on the edge of the bed. "I'll take care of you and the little one." "Her name is Katie." you say in a low voice. You try hard not to fall asleep, even if your eyes keep falling. "That's a beautiful name." says Ada. "Sleep now Y/N. It's all good." Ada says soothing words and it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep.   You always thought John was the love of your life and nothing could replace him in your heart. But the second you looked into your daughter's eyes for the first time, you knew that John would be number two in your heart. You have never felt such unconditional love. Polly and the doctors say your little girl is doing well. And you couldn't be prouder of her. Your new favourite activity is watching Katie all day long.   Finn never leaves your side, he loves his nephew and takes care of her as best he can. Even though Katie takes up all of your attention and time, you try to take care of Finn as much as possible. You don't want him to feel replaced by Katie and get jealous of the little girl.   It takes about two weeks for John's reply to come from France.   My beloved wife, I'm begging you, never let Polly write a letter for you again. When I saw her handwriting and not yours, my heart almost stopped, I thought I lost you. Please don't ever do this to me again. But nothing in my life has made me happier than to read that our little girl is born. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you. I know I promised, but the war is still going on and unfortunately there is no end in sight. I never thought I'd be gone for so long. I'm sorry. I hope that I can come home soon. I miss you and our little girl even though I haven't met her yet. I'm also supposed to give you congratulations from Tommy and Arthur. They are also looking forward to getting to know our little girl soon. I hope you are doing well and you are happy.   I love you and Katie. Please tell her every day that her father loves her.   John   ---   One afternoon, you've just laid Katie down, there's a knock on the door. Polly is in the shop and Ada is shopping, so you answer the door. Your mother is in front of you. "Mom?" you ask surprised and let her into the little house. "Hello my child." says your mother, she looks around the little house a little bit, she seems out of place but she smiles at you. You don't know exactly what she wants from you. "I heard you had your baby." she says. "Yes. A girl, her name is Katie." you say. Your mother smiles and her eyes gather tears. "May I meet her?" "She sleeps." you answer. You feel the need to hug your mother and cry. But you're still angry anyway. You needed her and she wasn't there. "Y/N. My dear child. I'm so sorry. I know I reacted wrongly. I was just so angry that you didn't listen to me and kept your relationship with that Shelby boy a secret from me. And then the pregnancy, without marriage." "I know I shouldn't have kept it a secret from you. But I didn't know what else to do. Mom, I love John and he loves me. You and Dad would never have accepted the relationship and sent me away." Your mother sighs. "I understand you. It took time but I understand you now. And when I heard your baby was here my only thought was that I missed the birth and how sorry I was that I wasn't there for you. I know you needed me. I can never make it up to you. But please Y/N. I want to be a part of your life again and I want to be a part of my grandchild's life too." "Her name is Katie." "A beautiful name." You sigh and then you jump over your shadow and hug your mother. All your feelings are boiling over, the strain with Katie, the heartbreak for John, that he miss the first year of his daughters life and missing your mother. You don't want to be mad at her. You love her. "I like to watch Katie sleep. Would you like to sit with me?" "Of course. Thank you." You quietly go up the narrow staircase to John's room, which is now more yours and Katie's room. Your mother quietly enters the room behind you, her eyes immediately go to the small cot. Your little girl is sleeping peacefully. Tears come to your mother's eyes when she sees Katie for the first time. "She is beautiful." she whispers and grabs your hand. "She looks like you when you were little. Only the nose is different." "She has John's eyes too." you answer quietly. You spent hours looking at Katie, looking for similarities to you and John. You sit on the edge of the bed, your mother stands by the cot and looks down at the baby. There is only love in her eyes and you are so relieved that your mother has forgiven you. But you also know your father didn't. Otherwise he would be here and your mother wouldn't have come during his working hours. You know she's here secretly without her saying it. You don't know how much time has passed, but you hear Polly downstairs in the kitchen. She now closes the betting shop for a few hours in the afternoon. Enough customers only come in the evening, so that it wouldn’t be worthwhile to open the Shop the whole day. Katie slowly starts to wake up and cry. She is hungry. Immediately you are at her bed and pick her up. "I have to feed her." you say, your mother looks at you and you can see in her eyes that she is proud of you. "I have to apologize to Ms Shelby." your mother whispers, turning away from you and Katie. you nod "She's downstairs." Your mother takes a deep breath and then leaves the small room. You'd love to be part of the conversation, but priority is now on Katie. With her in your arms you sit down on the old bed and start breastfeeding her. When Katie is full, you wrap her diaper and then go down the stairs with her in your arms. In the kitchen, Polly and your mother are having a cup of tea and seem to be talking peacefully. When you enter the room, they both look up. A smile appears on Polly's face as always when she sees Katie. She stretches out her arms and you put the little girl in her arms. She immediately starts babbling happily as she lies in Polly's arms. Your mother looks at Polly with a sad smile, you know she would love to hold Katie too, but to Katie she is a stranger and you are not sure how your baby will react. "Your mother apologized to me." Polly says to you as you pour yourself a cup of tea. "She is now welcome back in our house." You're relieved to hear that. "Thank you Aunt Polly." then you turned to your mother. "Father doesn't know you're here right?" "I'm sorry. He's still mad, he says he doesn't have a daughter anymore." Actually, you would have thought that you would start crying now, but all you do is nod and pet your daughter's head. It's his bad luck if he doesn't want to meet your little miracle. "Would you like to hold her?" Your mother's eyes well up again. "Yes of course." You nod and Polly carefully hands Katie to your mother. Katie looks at your mother skeptically. "This is my mom. Your grandma." you whisper and kiss her head. Katie grabs your mother's finger and holds it tight. Now tears are running down your mother's cheeks. "Hi Katie. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry it took so long." she whispers. From that day on, your mother will come to Watery Lane at least once a week, bringing something with her each time. Dresses, hats and toys for Katie, coats for you, Ada and Polly. Even books for Finn. Sometimes she slips a little money in your skirt pocket. "We don't need the money." you say, even if it's a lie. "I know, but I want to support you. Please let me do that for you." When your mother is with you, she never mentions your father, but you've come to terms with the fact that your father will hate you forever. For the so-called mistake you made, but you wouldn't give up on Katie for the world, she's not a mistake, she's the greatest happiness of your life. The only thing missing from your life now is John.   Katie starts crawling without meeting her father. Katie starts walking without knowing her father. Katie stutters her first words, she says “Mama”. And even if at this moment your heart is overflowing with happiness and love, you would like to start crying because John is not here to hear her first word.   ---   Autumn is slowly coming to an end and it is getting colder and colder. You wrap yourself in your coat while you carry the groceries home. A cold wind whistles around your ears and you are glad when you finally step into the warm house. Finn and Katie run towards you immediately. "Y/N, Katie is stealing my toys." says Finn and clings to your legs. You place the heavy basket of groceries on the table and bend down to the ten-year-old. He has long been too heavy for you to pick him up. "Ada says I can." says Katie, you brush her blond curls away from her face. "Share the toys." you suggest. "I don't want to share with her though, she's still a baby." says Finn. You sigh "You're right Finn. But if a baby wants to play with your toys, doesn't that mean you're too old for them?" you ask and tilt your head. Finn thinks for a moment. "You're right, I'm too old for toys like that." he says and hands Katie the carved wooden horse. "These are toys for babies." Katie doesn't care, she grabs the horse and hugs it to her chest like it's her greatest treasure, she knows the little wooden horse used to belong to her father. Suddenly the door behind you flies open and Ada storms into the kitchen. The newspaper in her hand. "The war is over. They're coming home." Tears run down her cheeks and she laughs with joy. "They're finally coming home."

This isn’t “goodbye”, this is simply “see you later” - Series Masterlist

Part 1: Goodbye my lover 

Part 2: Without you

Part 3: cooming soon