Just Let Me Sleep - Tumblr Posts

Me: [in bed, eyes closed, very relaxed]

Me: [remembers every faux pas or embarrassing thing I've ever done]

Me: [the sounds of a moron cringing so hard her face temporarily collapses in on itself]

Techno is gonna be live at 3am here

WHO EVEN NEEDS SLEEP!!!! NOT ME

youtube.com/watch?v=VDCYC-4Yy3c

I’m still here

I’m still here I’m still here I’m still here

I made it this far and I made it that far and I made it through the worst of it but somehow the sky is clear and I have a mess to clean up from the storm and I have no promises that there isn’t another one brewing over the horizon or behind the trees or behind my back or in someone else I love

I have no promises, just hard work

I have no promises, just myself today, table for one, but leave the other chair.

I’ll sit in the corner in the back of the room and watch the people walk in

I’ll sit in the booth and my legs will stick to the faux leather and my belongings will fall behind the cushions and I will melt into this place and watch the world go by

He told me I should be angry but how can you be angry at something you can’t believe happened? There are so many steps between denial and acceptance and I wish I could skip them all and get in line for forgetting. It’s an amusement park with only one ride. It’s comic con with empty booths.

Last night I woke up screaming. It wasn’t even the worst nightmare I’d ever had. Not even the worst one this week. I only screamed because in this dream there was someone nearby to help. That almost makes it okay. Usually I am alone. Table for one. Except I woke up screaming, and my husband and I listened to each other’s hearts race for half an hour. Can I skip to forgetting? This afternoon I could barely remember my nightmare. It wasn’t even the worst one this week.

I wrote this instead of sleeping. Please let me sleep.