Kim Namjoon Bts - Tumblr Posts
Café Stranger | knj.
✾ synopsis: After having trouble sleeping you go to your favorite late night cafe where you meet a kind stranger who tries to make you smile.
✾ pairing: artist!namjoon x female!reader, ex-boyfriend!OC × reader
✾ word count: 1.5K words
✾ warning: infidelity (reader's ex cheated on them), reader feeling insecure
✾ genre: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers
✾ playlist:《enough for you by olivia rodrigo》《reckless by madison beer》
✾ masterlist
You tossed and turned in your bed restless, dreaming about him. Your ex-boyfriend of two years. First he was smiling at you, bright and dazzling, like he would when he said something cheeky and wanted to see how you'd react before his face morphed into a stone cold expression that sent chills down your spine, dead eyes that held no remorse as he simply said "I don't love you anymore" after you caught him red handed with another woman.
He had become distant at the time. Calls fewer, texts even more and he cancelled on you more times than you can count in the last 3 months of your relationship. Whenever you brought up how he had been acting all he said was it's all in your head, that he just needed space sometimes. He used your insecurities against you, your tendency to overthink, your need to be physically close or to cling as he had once put it while he can go days without hearing from you and be ok. In an effort to not be a clingy lover, you tried to give him his space, he then in turn cheated on you for a month.
You thought you'd make a surprise visit and bring him some of your grandmother's macaroni pie. You had been practising making it when you remembered how much he loved it when you both went to visit her back home. You had been excited to have him taste your cooking and then you saw them kissing outside his apartment.
You marched over to confront him when you didn't want to believe what was clearly in front of you. That had to be a man that only looked like your boyfriend right? Not once had you suspected he had been cheating, but you should have. You were naive to think he wanted space to himself. What he wanted was space away from you.
You remembered how he looked at you as if you were an inconvenience. A fly that that just wouldn't go away no matter how many times he swatted you away. You remember the girl's triumphant smirk as if she were fully aware of you and she was proud of what she did. You remember your heart breaking leaving your chest behind empty and hollow. You remember your voice cracking, eyes shining with unshed tears as you grabbed his shirt collar, aggressively shaking him by the shoulders, questioning him. Why? Had you really meant nothing at all to him?
That moment in your life when you saw them together kept replaying in your mind like a broken record. It had been more than 2 weeks since then but it was as if your subconscious wanted you to constantly relive that pain. Tempting you to knit pick what happened so that you could come to the conclusion that it was your fault what happened. You were too clingy. You weren't enough for him, too affectionate, you overthink too much, you didn't fight hard enough to keep him. You couldn't let yourself fall down that rabbit hole. You had no control over what happened or what he did. You couldn't blame yourself when you weren't at fault so you got out of bed, got dressed and went for a drive.
You often went on late night drives when you couldn't sleep and while out one night you discovered a small, unique café that quickly became your favourite. It was where you managed to find yourself tonight, another sleepless night.
The low hum of the air conditioner, the chime of the bell above the door and the quick ticking of the clock all greeted you as you entered the café. 12:37 a.m. it read. Choi Soobin, the young owner of the cafe, wanted to make a peaceful place where people could come read a good book, paint, write, have a cup of tea and maybe eat a baked good or two made by him and his staff. The owner loved late nights and early mornings so the cafe was open from 3pm until 3am.
The day you discovered this place, you were in the mood for something sweet that day and after trying their strawberry tarts you completely fell in love with the café. Overtime it became a safe space for you and whenever you had trouble sleeping this is where you would go.
You gave a small smile to the worker behind the counter whose face you had grown familiar to. She returned your smile, recognition flashing in eyes as she playfully asked, "The usual?"
"Yes please," you walk over to your usual seat near the window, after paying, admiring the night sky as the same worker from before walked over with a cup of chai tea and a blueberry scone.
Warmth of the tea, the soft melody playing in the café and the taste of the scone all helped put you in little bit of a better mood. Soobin definitely knew what he was doing when he started his business. The ambience of the shop unfortunately couldn't stop the ache in your chest as you glanced over at a happy couple sitting at another table quietly giggling with each other in their own happy little world.
"Do you mind if I sit?"
You jumped at the sudden sound, a tall man with chestnut brown hair stood beside you, a friendly but hesitant smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He gripped a leather brown sketchbook and pencil to his chest as he waited until you shook your head before taking the seat across from you. He had seemed harmless but you weren't going to let your guard down if he were going to kidnap you he wouldn't have asked to sit down right?
You turned your body away from him, eyes glued to the window outside as to silently say "don't talk to me" however the stranger seemed to not get your message.
"The night's beautiful isn't it?"
The stranger glanced out the window then back at you, opening his sketchbook, pencil in hand.
"Yeah," your voice hoarse from lack of sleep. You eyed him with apprehension taking a dainty bite out of your blueberry scone in the presence of someone unfamiliar.
"Coincidence seeing you here," clearly the tall and handsome stranger wanted to carry a conversation, if only you were in the mood.
"Do I know you?" you asked as politely as possible, pressing two fingers to your temple as you felt a headache behind your eyes.
The chestnut brown haired man gave you another soft smile, dimples appearing on each cheek, "It's alright if you can't remember."
"Small town am i right?"
"Not really," you replied a little harsher than you had meant to.
"Right," chestnut trailed off, looking a little defeated.
You felt guilt eat at your insides, your headache subsided and you were able to mentally acknowledge the fact that it isn't chestnut's fault you were sleep deprived and a little cranky.
As you were about to apologize, he cut you off.
"Would you like me to leave?" worry marring his handsome features at thought that he was making you uncomfortable instead of comforting you.
The man had noticed your somber mood, it was the reason he thought he might go over and talk to you however he was just about to give up on his sad attempt at making small talk when you surprised him and you both, "No, you can stay if you'd like."
Your eyes were beautiful in the man's opinion but they were hooded and red, you seemed exhausted and he saw pain in them.
The eyes are the window to the soul after all.
"Well I really just wanted to say hello and see how you doing but you seemed down."
"I know, I am," you replied quietly looking down at your cup.
"Would you like to talk about it then?" The man knew that it may not have been the correct thing to say but maybe he could be listening ear for you.
"Not really."
Another beat of silence and the man perked up a little and quickly flipped to a clean page in his sketchbook.
You both sat in silence, him lost in his work, pencil scratching on paper and you lost in your thoughts.
At 1:41 a.m he ripped a page out of his sketchbook, folded it and slid it over to you.
"I have to go but I want you to have this," and as suddenly as he came he left, the bell above the door rang and signalled his departure.
Curiosity brewed inside you and you unfolded the paper.
There staring back at you was a realistic drawing of yourself, looking out the cafe window like you had been doing all this time except you were smiling. At the bottom of the page was a messily written signature with neat handwritten words that read:
No matter what life throws at you, you are strong enough to conquer it all.
I hope this makes you smile and your day a little bit better :)
Kim Namjoon
At the time i wrote this i needed to hear that too. I hope it was a source of comfort for you as it was for me. Thank you for reblogging it meant a lot. 🦋🌼💜
Café Stranger
✾ synopsis: After having trouble sleeping you go to your favorite late night cafe where you meet a kind stranger who tries to make you smile.
✾ pairing: artist!namjoon x female!reader, ex-boyfriend!OC × reader
✾ word count: 1.5K words
✾ warning: infidelity (reader's ex cheated on them), reader feeling insecure
✾ genre: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers
✾ playlist: 《enough for you by olivia rodrigo》 《 reckless by madison beer 》
You tossed and turned in your bed restless, dreaming about him. Your ex-boyfriend of two years. First he was smiling at you, bright and dazzling, like he would when he said something cheeky and wanted to see how you'd react before his face morphed into a stone cold expression that sent chills down your spine, dead eyes that held no remorse as he simply said "I don't love you anymore" after you caught him red handed with another woman.
He had become distant at the time. Calls fewer, texts even more and he cancelled on you more times than you can count in the last 3 months of your relationship. Whenever you brought up how he had been acting all he said was it's all in your head, that he just needed space sometimes. He used your insecurities against you, your tendency to overthink, your need to be physically close or to cling as he had once put it while he can go days without hearing from you and be ok. In an effort to not be a clingy lover, you tried to give him his space, he then in turn cheated on you for a month.
You thought you'd make a surprise visit and bring him some of your grandmother's macaroni pie. You had been practising making it when you remembered how much he loved it when you both went to visit her back home. You had been excited to have him taste your cooking and then you saw them kissing outside his apartment.
You marched over to confront him when you didn't want to believe what was clearly in front of you. That had to be a man that only looked like your boyfriend right? Not once had you suspected he had been cheating, but you should have. You were naive to think he wanted space to himself. What he wanted was space away from you.
You remembered how he looked at you as if you were an inconvenience. A fly that that just wouldn't go away no matter how many times he swatted you away. You remember the girl's triumphant smirk as if she were fully aware of you and she was proud of what she did. You remember your heart breaking leaving your chest behind empty and hollow. You remember your voice cracking, eyes shining with unshed tears as you grabbed his shirt collar, aggressively shaking him by the shoulders, questioning him. Why? Had you really meant nothing at all to him?
That moment in your life when you saw them together kept replaying in your mind like a broken record. It had been more than 2 weeks since then but it was as if your subconscious wanted you to constantly relive that pain. Tempting you to knit pick what happened so that you could come to the conclusion that it was your fault what happened. You were too clingy. You weren't enough for him, too affectionate, you overthink too much, you didn't fight hard enough to keep him. You couldn't let yourself fall down that rabbit hole. You had no control over what happened or what he did. You couldn't blame yourself when you weren't at fault so you got out of bed, got dressed and went for a drive.
You often went on late night drives when you couldn't sleep and while out one night you discovered a small, unique café that quickly became your favourite. It was where you managed to find yourself tonight, another sleepless night.
The low hum of the air conditioner, the chime of the bell above the door and the quick ticking of the clock all greeted you as you entered the café. 12:37 a.m. it read. Choi Soobin, the young owner of the cafe, wanted to make a peaceful place where people could come read a good book, paint, write, have a cup of tea and maybe eat a baked good or two made by him and his staff. The owner loved late nights and early mornings so the cafe was open from 3pm until 3am.
The day you discovered this place, you were in the mood for something sweet that day and after trying their strawberry tarts you completely fell in love with the café. Overtime it became a safe space for you and whenever you had trouble sleeping this is where you would go.
You gave a small smile to the worker behind the counter whose face you had grown familiar to. She returned your smile, recognition flashing in eyes as she playfully asked, "The usual?"
"Yes please," you walk over to your usual seat near the window, after paying, admiring the night sky as the same worker from before walked over with a cup of chai tea and a blueberry scone.
Warmth of the tea, the soft melody playing in the café and the taste of the scone all helped put you in little bit of a better mood. Soobin definitely knew what he was doing when he started his business. The ambience of the shop unfortunately couldn't stop the ache in your chest as you glanced over at a happy couple sitting at another table quietly giggling with each other in their own happy little world.
"Do you mind if I sit?"
You jumped at the sudden sound, a tall man with chestnut brown hair stood beside you, a friendly but hesitant smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He gripped a leather brown sketchbook and pencil to his chest as he waited until you shook your head before taking the seat across from you. He had seemed harmless but you weren't going to let your guard down if he were going to kidnap you he wouldn't have asked to sit down right?
You turned your body away from him, eyes glued to the window outside as to silently say "don't talk to me" however the stranger seemed to not get your message.
"The night's beautiful isn't it?"
The stranger glanced out the window then back at you, opening his sketchbook, pencil in hand.
"Yeah," your voice hoarse from lack of sleep. You eyed him with apprehension taking a dainty bite out of your blueberry scone in the presence if a strange person.
"Coincidence seeing you here," clearly the tall and handsome stranger wanted to carry a conversation, if only you were in the mood.
"Do I know you?" you asked as politely as possible, pressing two fingers to your temple as you felt a headache behind your eyes.
The chestnut brown haired man gave you another soft smile, dimples appearing on each cheek, "It's alright if you can't remember."
"Small town am i right?"
"Not really," you replied a little harsher than you had meant to.
"Right," chestnut trailed off, looking a little defeated.
You felt guilt eat at your insides, your headache subsided and you were able to mentally acknowledge the fact that it isn't chestnut's fault you were sleep deprived and a little cranky.
As you were about to apologize, he cut you off.
"Would you like me to leave?" worry marring his handsome features at thought that he was making you uncomfortable instead of comforting you.
The man had noticed your somber mood, it was the reason he thought he might go over and talk to you however he was just about to give up on his sad attempt at making small talk when you surprised him and you both, "No, you can stay if you'd like."
Your eyes were beautiful in the man's opinion but they were hooded and red, you seemed exhausted and he saw pain in them.
The eyes are the window to the soul after all.
"Well I really just wanted to say hello and see how you doing but you seemed down."
"I know, i am," you replied quietly looking down at your cup.
"Would you like to talk about it then?" The man knew that it may not have been the correct thing to say but maybe he could be listening ear for you.
"Not really."
Another beat of silence and the man perked up a little and quickly flipped to a clean page in his sketchbook.
You both sat in silence, him lost in his work, pencil scratching on paper and you lost in your thoughts.
At 1:41 a.m he ripped a page out of his sketchbook, folded it and slid it over to you.
"I have to go but I want you to have this," and as suddenly as he came he left, the bell above the door rang and signalled his departure.
Curiosity brewed inside you and you unfolded the paper.
There staring back at you was a realistic drawing of yourself, looking out the cafe window like you had been doing all this time except you were smiling. At the bottom of the page was a messily written signature with neat handwritten words that read:
No matter what life throws at you, you are strong enough to conquer it all.
I hope this makes you smile and your day a little bit better :)
Kim Namjoon
Bodycon Dresses and Ice Cream
Genre: Smut with a pinch of fluff. Established relationship au! DRABBLE ✨
Summary: You had different intentions today wearing the bodycon dress to a date in the park with your boyfriend, which resulted in you helping the public eye from witnessing his boner.
(Not that great w summaries and title lol ) *working on it*
Pairing: Namjoon x Reader
Warning: unprotected sex (stay safe ppl!), grinding, jiggling butts, car sex, riding, Namjoon being horny …uhh idk what else
Word count: 1272
A/n: okay looool I havent written fanfics in a looooong while and idk if this Drabble is even that great but I was itching to write and post something that had been in my drafts and here it is voila! But if it’s good then all that reading I did paid off eh? Haha okay enjoy!
🍦 🍦 🍦
You were wearing clothes that were either body fitting or slightly more revealing than usual lately. You were confident that you were increasing your boyfriend’s sexual frustrations further every single passing day.
He adored you of course even without you wearing sexy clothing, but seeing this rare side of you is pushing it for him every time you go out.
You were wearing a bodycon dress that hugs all your curves perfectly with your basic Nike Air Force ones. Simple but every time you moved your hips or pressed your body against Namjoon. It did something to him.
“Baby if you don’t stop, I swear,” Namjoon gripped your hips, pulling your frame close to his.
“It’s the dress I’m guessing?” You giggled looking up at him smiling. He admired your cheeky smile, before swooping down for a kiss.
You pulled away hearing some of the food vendors selling ice cream. “Come on Joon, I want some ice cream!”
You got a vanilla and chocolate soft serve cone and Namjoon just a plain lime popsicle which you made fun of. You were enjoying your ice cream, licking up and down, heck, even biting down on it (yes, you are thAt kind of person), Namjoon had been watching you, getting frustrated with the feeling of his cock hardening gradually in his pants. You forgot your true intentions of teasing your boyfriend, pointing at the lake towards a duck that you found cute. Namjoon looked and saw the duck you were pointing at but he shrugged pretending not to see it.
You pulled out your phone, not wanting to forget the cute duck and motioned for Namjoon to come, so that he could look closer. Namjoon’s jaw dropped at how your butt was jiggling as you jogged to get a good picture of the duck before it swims away. By now, your intentions of teasing him were long forgotten, too busy snapping pics of the duck who caught your full attention. That is until you felt Namjoon snake his arms around your figure, laying his chin at the crook of your neck.
“Joon, look!” You practically pushed your ass towards him, almost flailing over the rails but Namjoon’s arms beat you to it by pulling you in towards him, you could feel a slight bulge in between your ass, making you gasp.
The cute duck? We don’t know her/him. (Y/n) froze in place. “Joon-ah…” she started unsure how they’ll fix his boner, since they’re out in public. He grunted in your ear,”You got me hard baby, and we’re out in public.”
You turned your head to look at your surroundings better and you felt yourself let out a breath of relief after seeing no one that close in proximity. Still, you stayed put, your arms patting his head because you really don’t know what else to do in a situation like this. He chuckled at your actions and his breath caused a shiver down your spine. From behind you two, a stranger passing by would probably just see a couple holding each other lovingly, admiring the calm lake, but from the side…oh boy…
You started to turn so that you could face him but his hold on you tighten. “I don’t think you should face me, babe,” Namjoon muttered, pushing his cock to grind on your clothed ass. You yelped a not-so hot yelp but it died down quick. You felt warmer than ever, heck, you feel yourself getting turned on.
“Joon, we got to move, we can’t stay here all day, babe” you whined, feeling yourself get wetter and wetter as he grinded lightly against your behind. You softly moaned out at the feeling of his cock grinding on you.
He pulled away and looked at you up and down, blatantly checking you out. You blushed and wrapped your arms around him trying to help him hide his boner from the world to see, after all it was your dress that got him worked up.
Luckily, you and Namjoon, weren’t that far away from your car. Stealing glances right and left to prevent anyone from noticing Namjoon’s boner, as you tried to cover him from the side. You rushed in your Range Rover, which was thankfully tinted from the outside but you could still see from the inside. Namjoon groaned when you reach to the drivers seat from the back to start the engine and lock the doors. You jumped at the sudden spank on your ass and how Namjoon grabbed your hips to sit on his lap after your done.
His hands went to cup your breasts, kneading them from the outside. You turned your head to connect your lips, slowly his hands travelled down to your pussy, you bunched up your dress so that you could feel Namjoon’s hands right where you needed them better.
His mouth traveled down your neck as he pushed his fingers through your panties, taking his time to rub your little bundle of nerves. You moaned out at the pleasure you felt as he pinched your clit her and there. His long fingers slowly poking at your entrance. He was being a tease but you loved it.
“I need you in me, Joon” you breathed out, turning around so you’re on your knees with him between you. He unbuckled his belt and lifted his hips to free his cock and you salivated at how hard and red he is, a little bit of pre-cum oozing out of his tip. “Another time babygirl,” He chuckled at the desire in your eyes, grabbing your hips as you sink yourself down in his cock.
“Ahh…” you let out lewdly as you felt him stretch your walls. The delicious stretch that never seems to go away no matter how many times you fuck this gorgeous man of yours. Namjoon breathed out a moan which had you clenching a bit. “Move baby,” he whispered lowly in your ear, which had you moving in no time.
You moved your hips slowly up and down getting the tempo right, but you were taking your sweet time which had Namjoon bucking up his hips into you, hitting a spot which had you shuddering a bit. Even though he was under you, he had full control of your body and you were feeling the pressure slowly build up at the way his hips managed to hit you g-spot at this angle.
Namjoon was having trouble keeping himself from cumming too fast, you felt so good wrapped around his dick and the way you were still dressed turns him on more. You managed to open your eyes and look at him, one hand on his shoulder and the other on the seat because you didn’t want to bruise Namjoon with your death like grip. “Come on baby, come with me,” he urged you on, his thumb rubbing your clit. The pressure building in your stomach gave out, and your body shuddered as you groaned out how good you feel when he fucked you like that. Your walls clenching made him spill his load into you, your eyes drank him in, the way his fucked out state managed to get you worked up so easily.
He opened his eyes and fixed the strap on your dress, the other hand holding your cheek adoringly.
“Let’s go home and continue okay?” He smiled at your darkened eyes and hair that screamed ‘I got dicked down good’, you crash your lips onto his, which earned you a muffled groan at how your walls clenched around his cock once more, clearly you needed more.
April Showers Teaser List
For the @bangtanscenery - April Showers Bring May Flowers Project in celebration of the Spring Season!
Plot: The year is 1170 AD in the kingdom of Goryeo. Nestled in a quiet corner of their world, two people are drawn together and love blossoms in their hearts. However, as tensions begin to rise between their nations, they are unwillingly pulled into the conflict. Their determination to overcome all odds becomes the nail needed for Fate to hammer into their coffins.
Rating: PG-13 // SFW
Genre: historical!au | period!au | soulmate!au | angst | romance | drama | tragedy
Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Female OC (Bayaraa Ehri)
Warnings: Mild language, extreme angst, major character deaths
Plot: Namjoon loves you. You are the sun to his moon. It’s been this way since you were young. But your oblivious nature is only apart of your charm. When he’s finally ready to confess to you? You’re already taken. Broken-hearted he goes to your favorite spot. For the first time he allows himself to cry. Then he hears it - like the liquid tinkling of tiny bells. The subtle glow of stars falling from his eyes starts the countdown.
Rating: PG-13 // SFW
Genre: StarTears!AU | angst | romance | drama
Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Female OC (Mia Graves)
Warnings: Mild language, angst, minor character death
Plot: For as long as Jimin can remember, the house is all he’s ever known. His only companion, a calico cat. Neither of them age as the house pulls them through time and space. He can neither interact with people nor stray far from the house. He is cursed to watch the world pass by every year and never be a part of it. But one day, someone not only is able to see the house, but they can finally see him as well.
Rating: PG-13 // SFW
Genre: time-slip!au | modern fantasy!au | angst | romance | drama
Pairing: Park Jimin x Female OC (Brianna Larkins)
Warnings: Strong language, extreme angst, anxiety, implication of curses/magic
Plot: The battle between Heaven and Hell is reaching it’s peak. The line in the sand has been drawn. It’s now time to pick a side. Every being whether human or supernatural knows what’s at stake. There are certain souls that carry the weight of multiple lives - these souls will turn the tide in someone’s favor. It’s up to the angels to convince them to The Most High. Or perhaps the seduction of The Infernal will cause them to fall? Your soul is on the line. Will you stand with Heaven? Or will you fall into Hell?
Rating: PG-13 // SFW
Genre: AngelsandDemons! AU | angst | romance | drama
Pairing: OT7 x Female OCs (Saoirse, Isabella, Layla )
Warnings: Strong Language, extreme angst, violence
© thebiasrekkers (Admin E & Admin T). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.
Tears of Andromeda
For the @bangtanscenery - April Showers Bring May Flowers Project in celebration of the Spring Season!
Plot: Namjoon loves you. You are the sun to his moon. It’s been this way since you were young. But your oblivious nature is only apart of your charm. When he’s finally ready to confess to you? You’re already taken. Broken-hearted he goes to your favorite spot. For the first time he allows himself to cry. Then he hears it - like the liquid tinkling of tiny bells. The subtle glow of stars falling from his eyes starts the countdown.
Rating: PG-13 // SFW
Genre: StarTears!AU | angst | romance | drama
Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Female OC (Mia Graves)
Warnings: Mild language, angst, lots of pining
Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]
Word Count: 4.2K
AN: So, I was tooling around on the twitter and found something in my feed. I had been reading it over and over trying to wrap my head around it. So, here is my interpretation of the StarTears!AU. Here is the thread in question - https://twitter.com/rchimedesu/status/1246209686682185730?s=20. Other than that? I don’t think I’ve ever written so much pining in all my life. I hope you enjoy and I hope to see more StarTears fics in the near future!
© thebiasrekkers (Admin T). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.
It hurts.
Namjoon collapsed onto the bench, a hand clutching over his heart. Panting, he willed the trembling muscle to calm. His lungs burned as he fought to catch a deep breath. His nostrils flared as he fought back the creeping panic inside of him. This was a pain different from any other. His memory rolls back to her enthusiastically kissing another man. The words that he had mustered the courage to speak swallowed back bitterly. She turns to see him, mouth agape in shock, staring.
The confusion on her face made the moment all that more embarrassing. Because she couldn’t understand the pain etched into his face. Her brows furrowed as he wore that devastation so deeply. It almost looked as if he had witnessed the greatest betrayal. She reached out to him, suddenly wanting to pull him closer - and he ran. Namjoon turned on his heel to escape her. He took off in a dead run across the college campus. There would be no catching him, she knew that. Her boyfriend, just as conflicted, puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. A small amount of comfort as he wondered what he just saw. He wondered if she saw that broken-hearted gaze stealing the light from Namjoon’s eyes? He wondered if she knew?
Did she ever know?
And now?
I’ve lost her.
Namjoon sits in their favorite spot as the sun settles low in the sky. The vivid orange-blue, purple dusk of night time brings him little comfort. His bottom lip trembled, eyes closed, as his head fell backward. The oil-slick flickers behind his eyes deepen as his memories flood in.
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🎈Happy birthday Namjoon 🎈
One of my favorite things he’s ever said, and he’s said a lot of intelligent, thoughtful things, was a comment he made during their hiatus announcement video last Summer.
I’m gonna paraphrase, but he essentially said that out of the myriad of realities in the multiverse, he genuinely believed (or wanted to believe) that he was living in the best possible one. That he was living the best possible outcome of all the random realities for Kim Namjoon that there are.
And wow, that hit me.
At first, it didn’t. I had recently lost a pregnancy, painfully and traumatically; I was grieving that and watching the world seem to fall apart around me, and struggling to find the will to keep going, to keep caring, to keep watching all the girls who were pregnant at the same time as me have healthy, beautiful babies and to click the “❤️” button rather than scream at them to shut the fuck up about how “blessed” they are.
So for a second I scoffed at him, like, “well no shit he’s living in the best reality; he’s a famous, successful and beloved celebrity with more money than he knows what to do with.” I mean — that’s the alternate reality we all would like to wake up and find ourselves in at least some days, right?
And, well, fair enough. But his words stuck with me, and the more I thought about them, the more I realized his words were deeper than that. I think they were about cultivating joy, and gratitude, and intention, and putting effort into making the life you’re living, no matter what it looks like, the best it could possibly be, out of all the random dice rolls in the universe.
And that’s a powerful fucking decision to make.
There are forces outside our control, of course there are. There are things we can’t escape, realities we can’t change. But there are almost always more things that we can change than things we cannot. And one of the biggest ones is our perspective.
What would the world look like if we all decided, individually, to make this right here our best reality? To stop wishing we were someone else doing something else somewhere else. To instead wholeheartedly believe that this is the chosen life, the one that deserves all of our effort, all of our passion, all of our attention. I think it would be transformative.
I encourage you to try it, even just for a day. Believe that your life is charmed, that it is destined and fated to matter. I’m not talking about manifesting, I’m talking about choosing.
Since hearing those words from him, I’ve tried to make small changes, everyday changes, but intentional ones, to enjoy the life I find myself in. To appreciate it, really appreciate it, despite its hardships, despite its ugliness, despite its many, many imperfections. To write more, to feel more, to forgive more, to listen more. To smile and dance around in my kitchen to KPop songs more. To tell my husband I love him more.
I can promise you that while my reality has not changed much at all since last Summer, it has nonetheless risen in my esteem. I can agree with him now; I can say that I too, am living in the best possible reality, out of the myriad of them that there may be, floating out there in the ether.
Maybe in one of them I am smarter, cleverer, notable for accomplishing something great. Maybe in one of them I’m more popular, more loved, more lauded.
But in this one, I am me, right where I am. And I choose to believe that that is no accident.
When he gifted those words to me that day, it was just that: a gift. And maybe I’m silly to read so much into a throwaway sentence from a pop star, but I’m not sure that’s what it was. I think it was vulnerable, thoughtful encouragement from a man who has enough power and wealth to be anything but vulnerable and thoughtful. And yet, he chooses to be.
Thank you, Namjoon. And happy birthday 💙
Bus acquaintances
Warnings: mention of car accident but don’t worry
Genre: Um not exactly fluff, but kinda fluff
Summary: Namjoon had noticed you taking the same bus as him. But when you randomly stopped appearing, he got worried.
Word count: 514
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You were always taking the same bus, at the same time, to get to work. You don’t really know when you started noticing, but there was always a young man, around your age, already on the bus before you. You had to admit, he was an attractive young man, who had caught your attention, but you never dared to talk to him and just observed him from afar. He had probably also realized you were a regular on the bus, because you had locked eyes with him way more than once.
After around a month, you had caught yourself looking around as soon as you got on the bus, looking for the certain person, but as soon as your eyes met, you looked away.
This had been going on for a long time and you had actually also caught his attention, but Namjoon was too shy to do anything other than smile when your eyes met, which you awkwardly returned.
Recently, though, a cousin of yours was part of a car accident, which led to them going to the hospital and to be in need for blood, so you obviously took a week off to give them blood and make sure everything was okay.
What you didn’t know, was that Namjoon had noticed your absence. The first day it seemed like you had just missed the bus or got a day off, so Namjoon didn’t pay much attention to it. But when he didn’t see you again the next day and the day after it, he got worried. Sadly for him, he had no way to contact you and make sure you were alright and was hoping to see you every day.
Soon, a week passed and it was Monday again.
When he saw you, he got up from his seat and stumbled towards you, sitting next to you. You greeted him shyly, but it didn’t take long to identify a worried look that was written to his face.
“You seem worried, did something happen?” You asked and he blushed.
“Ah, you, you are here” He mentally face-palmed at his inability to speak to you as comfortably as you did.
“Ah, you noticed I was missing?”
“YesandIwasworriedbecauseyoudidn’tgetonthebusforaweekandithoughtsomethingbadhappenedtoyou”
“Aww, there was no need to worry, it was just that a cousin of mine had a serious car accident and I wanted to be there for them, but everything is alright now.” You explain and he let out a sigh, nodding.
“Um, I wanted to call you and ask you about it, but realized I didn’t have your phone number and, um, would you mind giving me your number? Not only for incidents like this, like, I would like it if we went out sometime, if you want.” He rambled and you nodded in response, waiting for him to hand his phone.
You exchanged numbers, but realized your stop was the next, so you got up, bid him goodbye, getting off of the bus with a huge smile for the rest of the day.
Thank god, the both of you have to use the public transport.