Little Vent - Tumblr Posts

Lil' vent I made yesterday and finished today :)))

Don't worry I'm feeling better now.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee

I think my new goal will really be to prioritize myself and value what it is that I'm attempting to create in each step of the process. What I'm making is worth it, no matter what it is and now matter how long it takes...

slight exaggeration for comedic affect

it’s just so much of my body that I’m constantly uncomfortable/in pain, cannot wear any of my own clothes (I mainly wear black and giant hoodies) and cannot function as well as usual (which already isn’t great, I need help to do a lot of relatively simple things)

Also skin conditions run in my family, so the heat rash awoke my eczema from its brief hibernation

Gore art of a heart being cut open below the cut (it’s not colored) and a paragraph of venting

Teehee vent art

My elementary school was so smart by locking a room of 11 year olds in a room where they were forced to dissect hearts without their caretakers knowledge (let alone permission) one of which (me) was raised by vegans (So I had never seen cooked meat before let alone a raw heart) and was still forced to dig around in there with a scalpel and now as a result I can’t hear the phrase “tugging heartstrings” without having to cross my arms and legs over my chest out of anxiety and also getting a slight pain in my chest whenever I think about it AHAHAH MY SCHOOL WAS GREAT

I just added “don’t dm me without warning if you’re a stranger, you’ll probably give me a panic attack” to my pinned post and fucking

THREE AM

I had enough storage to make a vent animation :D

I’ve been getting a lot of nightmares recently

Last nights one was about my friend suddenly hating me and I don’t know why and I couldn’t ask because they blocked me everywhere and I had no idea why and they hated me and their other friends started telling me that I can’t ever talk to them and not to even try to

That wasn’t fun

Yk I shaved my head so people would stop talking about my hair or touching it or complaining about it and now that I don't have any hair that they can touch or mess with they still talk and complain about it. I'm starting to think it was never the hair.

As a native american (I'm Pueblo), our hair is sacred, and I wanted to grow it out for all those who weren't able to. Especially since my family was assimilated (my mother wanted my siblings and I to have a chance she never did after we left the rez) and our hair was cut so we would fit in at school and stuff. It was a big decision to shave my head but I did it for very specific reasons that I considered for months before I did it.

I cut it off so nobody could control it, or look at me and perceive me in a dysphoric way. I shaved my head for spiritual purposes. I did it because it's my body and I can do whatever I want, as a reclamation of myself, as a rebirth, as a sign of mourning.

I do not regret cutting my hair, I'm glad I did it.

But now people are still complaining and commenting and trying to control my hair.

So again, I'm starting to think it was never about the hair.

why does my body hurt when i attempt to curl up the way i feel i'd be most comfortable? why am i so clunky? everything so lanky, weak.

little vent

My big sis is gone camping till Tuesday w/ her bf and homies, and it's not like there's any reception where they are so I have no way of contacting her, and I know I have my lil sis that I could "use" to keep myself company, but my big sis is basically my best friend and I'm just so lonely without her and now I don't know what to do- ಥ◡ಥ

Y’all, is it bad that I’ve been counting my days as, “How many days till MI-8’s “release” date…” Like what do I do after that happens?

Do I just jump back into a dark hole to rot with my hyperfixations, throw myself off a cliff, or try to find something else that peaks my interest to an unhealthy amount… Because I really don’t think anything other than Top Gun is going to match that.