My Life Is A Sitcom And I Am My Own Laugh Track - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
Part time sound guy here. One time I was tasked with creating the sound of someone being impaled very hard against a wooden wall.
My materials: a shoe, a mallet, a tangerine, junk wood, and one singular dry pasta noodle.
Foley's fun as hell, my dudes.
Some of your favorite movie SFX and how they were inspired
it's 4 AM and I'm doing GREAT, guys
forgive the greentext styling but it is, in my opinion, the best way to convey the near miss with abject catastrophe I just experienced:
> making ramen
> boil way more water than needed
> decide to make cocoa too while waiting for ramen to cook
> get mug
> get cocoa packet
> Spy.exe has experienced an error
> start tearing cocoa packet open over ramen cup
> recordscratch.wav
I respect his commitment to the spirit of scientific investigation but god damn
it's 4 AM and I'm doing GREAT, guys
forgive the greentext styling but it is, in my opinion, the best way to convey the near miss with abject catastrophe I just experienced:
> making ramen
> boil way more water than needed
> decide to make cocoa too while waiting for ramen to cook
> get mug
> get cocoa packet
> Spy.exe has experienced an error
> start tearing cocoa packet open over ramen cup
> recordscratch.wav
had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing
YOOOOOOOOOO
had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing
#my life is a sitcom and i am my own laugh track #OP YOU ARE A GENIUS #WHAT DO YOU MEAN #DO YOU NEED AN AUDIENCE #I CAN GO WATCH IT AND IM GONNA PAY THE TICKETS #better a life that is a sitcom than a convulted telenovela
Lmfao that's my tag for funny personal anecdotes! I'd appreciate the audience; most of the posts filed under that tag have very few notes. You can search it on my blog to find more wacky shit that's happened to me over the years
had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing
How can I gaslight my parents into thinking I’m a stripper? I mean how can I instill just a hint of the possibility into their minds I miiiigt be one? Like not enough for them to ask about it, but enough for them to question it and wonder if they’re reading into things or not? I’m a young lady who still loves with them. I have a good job, have never gotten a speeding ticket, kissed someone, or really often into any trouble, but that’s boring. I need to spice stuff up
........ ma'am I am a worldbuilder?
no for real I need you to understand how I experienced this
How can I gaslight my parents into thinking I’m a stripper? I mean how can I instill just a hint of the possibility into their minds I miiiigt be one? Like not enough for them to ask about it, but enough for them to question it and wonder if they’re reading into things or not? I’m a young lady who still loves with them. I have a good job, have never gotten a speeding ticket, kissed someone, or really often into any trouble, but that’s boring. I need to spice stuff up
........ ma'am I am a worldbuilder?
Update (02/10/2023)
The Jason Chronicles, To Date
I have a friend named Jason. Jason is a good lad and I love him like a brother, but my god that boy is weird. He regularly messages myself or a certain group chat to inform us of the odd happenings in his life. Below is a collection of some of the things he has said completely out of nowhere:
Oh yeah, 100% true. I gotta share a related story.
The most threatening thing my friend Jason has ever done to me is send me a voice message in the middle of the night which consisted solely of him, perfectly recreating the cadence of the Arby's Guy, saying:
ARBY'S. WE HAVE YOUR MEAT.
hi. i’m not american. WAS ANYONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT THE OFFICIAL ARBY’S SLOGAN IS “WE HAVE THE MEATS” OR WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIND THAT OUT FOR MYSELF TODAY JUST NOW
I made this shirt for a friend last year after discussing this exact factoid;
TIL astronaut Jack Schmidt discovered he was allergic to moon dust, which is a thing millions of other people have probably gone their whole lives never knowing.
some more recent additions (05/07/2023)
The Jason Chronicles, To Date
I have a friend named Jason. Jason is a good lad and I love him like a brother, but my god that boy is weird. He regularly messages myself or a certain group chat to inform us of the odd happenings in his life. Below is a collection of some of the things he has said completely out of nowhere:
THE PROPHECY
70s porn magazine jokes that look like tumblr posts, volume 1
excellent names on the enemy team tonight
my family and I are out having breakfast and the instant All Star started playing over the diner speakers out of nowhere my brother and I locked eyes in a shared moment of... I don't know. Primal fear?
#whats hurricane cake??????
OH.
Right.
Normal people don't know about the sacred Florida tradition that is hurricane cake. It's customary, when your hometown is in imminent danger of being flattened by a hurricane, to include among your disaster prep supplies a cake of some sort decorated with the projected storm path and the words "Go Away <Hurricane Name>."
FAQs
Q: Where can I get a hurricane cake?
A: Publix (our regional grocery chain) is generally the go-to. Usually they're just made on request, but I've definitely seen pre-made ones in Publix before. Buuuut apparently as of this year Publix HQ said their bakeries are no longer allowed to make them. Cowards. Barring that, any bakery of your choice will suffice, but if you're not in Florida the baker(s) will probably give you a very concerned stare.
Q: When is the appropriate time to eat a hurricane cake?
A: Generally either immediately before or during the storm. You may feel inclined to wait until the storm passes, but this is the devil talking. What if your power goes out? The cake will spoil! Eat it now. Stave off your existential dread with a sugar rush.
Q: What does a hurricane cake taste like?
A: Unbridled hubris.
Hope this helped!
I know I joke about hurricanes, because I am a Floridian and that's what we do. But that's because they're Normal, and so all Floridians know the Hurricane Rules. We know how the song and dance goes. West Coasters don't know the Hurricane Rules. You've never needed to know the Hurricane Rules. You guys know the Earthquake Rules, because that's Normal. But because of climate change, Hillary and her cousins are probably going to be a more common occurrence for the southwest. So here are the Hurricane Rules, straight from the Floridian's keyboard.
1: Assume the forecast is going to be wrong, and reality is going to be worse. Get your water jugs and batteries, get your Hurricane Cake, stack the sandbags, board the windows, and put your electronics on a high shelf. And if the NOAA says "category 5" and "landfall" in the same sentence without a "will not" in there, you pack your bags and get the fuck out.
2: Do not fucking go outside. There's surprisingly little lightning in a hurricane, but that's not the problem. It's the wind. The wind will knock you off your feet, either outright or by flinging heavy debris at you. You will not get back up again.
3: If the wind doesn't get you, the water will. Even after the storm has passed, stay the hell away from moving water, both on foot and in a vehicle. When the the flooding has settled down, then you break out the flat bottoms and jet skis and kayaks. Don't fucking swim in it, okay? Don't. The southwest may not have alligators like we do, but all the same you do NOT want to know what's in there. (It's mostly sewage.)
Also, your soil isn't built for inundation, and you've got hills there. Mudslides are going to happen, so be careful of mountain driving in the week or so after the storm comes through.
"And then the sky darkens, and you hear........ the honking."
— Canadian Swarmkeeper Ranger revealing what, exactly, his swarm is