Nathaniel Barnes - Tumblr Posts
gotham incorrect quotes (includes gobblepot) mainly made using scatterpatter
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Oswald: *watching Jim sleep*
Oswald: look at him. I love him. He's my everyth-
Jim: *snores*
Oswald: I can't live like that.
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Jim: i lost the job.
Harvey, sighing: what did you do this time?
Jim: Loeb pointed a pencil at me and said 'there's an idiot at the end of this pencil'
Jim: so I asked which end.
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Harvey: treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Jim: killed without hesitation.
Harvey: no.
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Jim, raising his fists: fight me
Oswald, standing behind Jim, softly shaking his head: *mouths* do not
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Barbara: who's the scariest person you've ever encountered?
Oswald: Jim.
Oswald: it's terrifying how dumb he is.
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Oswald: compliment me
Jim: you have eyes
Oswald: nice
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Jim: in my defense, i was left unsupervised
Barnes: wasn't Harvey with you?
Harvey: in my defense, i was also left unsupervised
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Jim: i beg your pardon?
Oswald: then beg.
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Jim: *gets down on one knee*
Oswald: oh my god it's finally happening
Jim: *falls over*
Oswald: the poison is kicking in
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Oswald: look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Jim a little bit
Victor, holding Oswald's notepad: you doodled your wedding invitation.
Oswald: no, that's our joint tombstone.
Victor: my mistake.
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Harvey, waking up after getting knocked out: where are we?
Jim: in trouble.
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Jim: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?
Oswald: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Harvey: Smad.
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Harvey: I trust Jim.
Barnes: You think he knows what he's doing?
Harvey: I wouldn't go that far.
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Jim: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Harvey: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Jim: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Harvey: Good thinking.
(Part 2)
still gotham incorrect quotes (still includes gobblepot) thanks to scatterpatter's incorrect quotes generator
Ed: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Harvey: The car takes a screenshot.
Jim: For the last time, shut the fuck up.
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Ed: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Jim: You’re a hazard to society
Harvey: And a coward. Do twenty.
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Jim: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Harvey: The cow???
Jim: What?
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Harvey: if Jim and I were drowning, who would you save?
Ed: you two can’t swim?
Harvey: it’s a hypothetical question, Nygma! who would you save?
Ed: my time and effort.
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Jim: You have to apologize to Harvey
Oswald: Fine.
Oswald: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.
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Jim: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
Harvey: Just rip the bandage off.
Jim: It’s Oswald.
Harvey: Put the bandage back on.
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Harvey: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Jim: Harvey no.
Ed: Mistlefoe.
Jim: Please stop encouraging him.
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Oswald: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Jim: I wake up at 4:30 AM
Oswald:
Oswald: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
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Jim: Where are you going?
Oswald: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there
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Harvey: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Ed, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Harvey:
Harvey: fsh
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Oswald: You love me, right, Jim?
Jim: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.
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Jim: So that’s my plan.
Oswald: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Jim: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Oswald: It fucking sucks.
Jim: That’s not constructive criticism.
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Harvey: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...
Jim: You would eat yourself?
Harvey: I wouldn’t even question it.
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Oswald: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Jim: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions of the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Oswald: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.
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Jim: You're right.
Oswald: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
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Lee: quick, what's your type?
Jim: anyone who'll take me, honestly
Lee, desperately, as Jim bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Jim: Oh! B positive.
Lee: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Jim:
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Barnes, addressing the precinct: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Jim: But – that’s just a trash can.
Barnes: It sure is!
(Part 3)
gotham incorrect quotes + gobblepot (pt. 5) (this is starting to be a lot of parts) (based on scatterpatter's incorrect quotes generator)
Jim: So what’s for dinner?
Oswald, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.
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Bruce: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]
Selina: What's that?
Bruce: Remorse code.
Selina: I'm even angrier now.
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Jim: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Oswald:
Oswald: Jim, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Jim: *Sips coffee from bowl*
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Oswald, talking to Jim on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
Jim: You bet!
Oswald: At what temperature?
Jim: 535.
Oswald: That's the clock.
Jim:
Oswald:
Jim: 536.
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Jim: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase.
Oswald: Jim, that's a coma.
Jim: Sounds festive.
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Oswald: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them
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Oswald: Okay, truth or dare?
Jim: Truth
Oswald: How many hours have you slept this week?
Jim:
Jim: ...Dare
Oswald: Go to bed.
Jim: I don’t like this game.
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*Jim and Oswald skipping stones on lake*
Jim: It’s such a beautiful evening.
Oswald, whispering: Take that you fucking lake
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Jim: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.
Lee: Oh, you’ve been?
Jim: Once. In Monopoly.
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Jim: Oswald...
Oswald: Oh no, 'Oswald' in b-flat.
Oswald: You're disappointed.
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Jim: *Accidentally hits Oswald in the face*
Jim: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Jim: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Oswald: What’s wrong with you?!
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Jim: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Harvey: *chugs entire bottle*
Harvey: It’s perfume.
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Barnes, going over Jim's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Jim: Yes
Barnes: Okay... may I know what you create?
Jim: Problems.
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Selina: Today is a day of running through hurdles.
Bruce: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?
Selina: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.
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Jim: You know, not every problem can be solved with a knife.
Oswald: That's why I carry two knives.
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Oswald: You saved me. I owe you my life.
Jim: No thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.
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Jim: I can explain.
Barnes: Can you?
Jim: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.
love how you think you can do that
