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The me I wanted to be part one

The world had gone silent, save for a single voice calling out his name, for him to open his eyes.

“Macaque” he knew that voice well, he knew the sound of worry that rolled off the others tongue and he remembered that voice calling to from the safety of his memories.

“Macaque,” the demon struggled to open his eyes, to see just why he was being called so desperately.

Hovering above him the golden monkey king himself stood, a look of worry painting over his face.

Wukong’s eyes rapidly darted side to side examining the demon below him.

“Macaque… your body”

Macaque realised how heavy his arms and legs had become, the felt like solid lumps of wood and stone.

He noticed just how much he wanted to close his eyes again, to sleep for what could be forever.

He was so tired, it was a feeling he had felt it once before.

Yet that time was different as well.

For one he wasn’t alone pleading for his said attacker to return, to either cradle him as he passed or finish him off quicker.

He looked at Wukong, the sun glowing from behind him like the heavens golden light itself, their breathing growing rapid as panic clearly set in.

How had things gotten to this, He wondered?

He could only remember parts.

Fragments of events and decisions he strangely did not or more could not regret.

A fight, an attack, him jumping in front of the great sage out of instinct, or was it because of the lingering emotions he had for the other?

Really now, it didn’t matter.

“Don’t go, Macaque.” So Wukong was aware of the events unfolding before him, good he thought that saved some time for them.

He watched surprised as the other desperately clawed at the shadows pouring from his body, a vain attempt to piece him back together.

He knew then he had to say something to get the others attention, so without thinking.

He opened his mouth to speak.

“It’s because…I met you…” his voice was raspy, the effort of just talking straining his last bit of energy.

It stopped Wukong in his tracks.

The words he spoke seemed to stir from a place deeper than anything he had ever felt.

He let go of the hatred from past events.

 Forgot the resentment he had for the one he once called a king, the one he once held fondly and had even tried to kill.

Thinking only of fonder memories, of golden sunsets spent beneath their favourite peach tree grooming each other, purring as the sky grew dark.

The late morning naps curled around the other a tangle of limbs and soft snoring.

Then the moments of natural silence spent simply happy, to be with the other.

“So that I could be the, me I wanted to be.”

Pt2 / Pt3

(notes, yeah this is gonna be in parts, along with a little writing i don't care if the setting doesn't make sense I just wanna make people cry like i cried making these, the other parts will be out asap, I'm still not great at back grounds so bare with me. see yawl soon also go watch Bubble on netflix, film had me sobbing)

The me I wanted to be. pt 2

Wukong continued to stare at Macaque, confused at what the other demon was saying to him.

He felt himself falling into a deep pit wondering what he could do to stop whatever was happening from happening.

Even though he knew just what was happening.

Heart beating what felt like a thousand times a minute, a wild panic rose deep with in him.

This had happened once before.

The day he had dealt the mortal wound to the one he had once loved in both body and soul.

Back then though, Wukong allowed himself the privilege of letting the death occur out of sight, away from his mind.

Had flown off despite the desperate calls of pain and sealed the feelings deep within himself.

However the guilt remained, it festered within him and threatened to spill out on an almost daily basis.

Countless nights wondering what he would have done, if he’d stayed.

Macaques now all too quiet voice snapped him back to his dreadful reality.

“This is… the human heart” in all honestly the shadow demon had no real idea what he was saying but he knew what he wanted the other to hear, words seemed to fall out of his mouth in what could only be a desperate attempt to reach some form of coherence.

Still he tried to string the words he was rambling into something, anything as Wukong’s eyes filled with tears, he hoped what he said next was somehow understood.

“It’s a heart that’s able to feel…” he paused to think of the next best word to use “Loneliness” that was the word he needed, it fitted perfectly.

His vision began to blur and the overwhelming heaviness had spread over his entire body. “A Heart that feels, happiness and pain…”

Faint sounds of laughter and tears rang in the distance.

He took a long and deep breath “and true love” he blinked noticing his torn shadows lift into the air caught by the breeze, before the darkness began to consume him, clouding the world he saw.

It would be over soon.

His eyes slowly closed the last thing he heard, being the voice of Sun Wukong call out to him desperately “Macaque” he began to slip into the void below him “MACAQUE!” Now, he felt lighter than he ever had while alive, as he let out a last chuckle thinking to himself that this time, death had been far too fulfilling.

Pt 1 / pt3

(Notes: You ever start making something only to start to hate it… well I can’t help but still love this idea, I know Macaque is still in his own way a little ass hat that need to be taught a lesson, but the thought that the only way he could reach redemption is through death is something that lingers in my mind spoilers for season 3 … duh. He’s died once and come back what if the only way he could even make a dent on the betrayal against Wukong be to sacrifice himself… I dunno could just be me. Also I’m just a sucker for shadow peach content….. And angst. It sustains me. Part 3 will b the final part and it won’t take me long. Promise)  

The me I wanted to be. pt 3

“Macaque!” Wukong screamed in horror as he watched Macaque sink into the ground below him.

His head screamed for him to move and he suddenly dove on to the ground, grazing his knuckles in the process.

He’d hoped to snatch the shadow monkey back from the ravenous void that claimed Macaque like he had done before so many times when they fought.

Only this time he couldn’t.

As the last wisps of shadow where sent cascading into the air to dance on the evening breeze, Wukong came to the startling realisation.

Macaque was gone.

He was once again dead.

He screamed out their name once more “MACAQUE!” drawing it out for as long as he had air in his lungs, perhaps hoping his voice would reach the other, would pull them back.

He knew it wouldn’t.

He remained on the ground for some time sobbing into the earth uncontrollably, chest heaving with wet sorrowing hiccups.

This was far worse than last time, now he had to face the consequences of this death head on.

There was no hiding with his master or fellow despises to mask the soul shattering ache, no long winded journey to ease his mind of his heinous act. No advice to sooth his broken soul, their voices had long been silenced by time.

His grief seeming to merge with that of the past, giving waves to new heartache knowing that if only he hadn’t ended the other then, the events now quiet possibly may have never happened.

He realised now how true Macaque’s words were, as he reeled in his new seeming never ending loneliness.

It was an emotion that he thought he had locked away a long time ago.

Behind the walls of distant time, sealed behind the vault of his subconscious with no chance of resurfacing.

However it seemed, Macaque was the lost key and with Wukong witnessing his death the seven time immortal now, was truly alone.

It washed over him.

Almost drown him.

As he lingered on the faint memories of better times, the last bout of his hope started to dim along with any and all will he had to continue on.

It all seemed pointless.

Then, a quiet chuckle had him springing up right. He looked into sky before him, face still wet with rolling tears.

Wukong took a shaky breath, thinking over what had just been whispered into his ear “Let’s meet again, someday”

The last of the shadows faded with the light.

Leaving Wukong kneeling alone, but somehow less then before.

A flicker of hope spurring with in him.

Because after all.

Life and death.

Love and loss.

It was all one big cycle, and eventually it like all things they end and in some way they start again.

The End

pt1 / pt2

(Notes, the last image is my far my fav, just Wukong suffering tee he ain’t I a stinker. Either way this is the end I feel like I could have done better both writing and drawing, I might even rewrite this and post it on Ao3, either way thanks for reading.)