Possessiveness - Tumblr Posts

whenever people say shit like “i couldn’t be polyamorous, i’m so jealous and possessive. if my partner even LOOKS at another girl/guy i’m gonna kick them out of a window” i’m like well you should probably be working on that. like even if you don’t end up doing polyamory it’s probably good to not be like that

A somewhat personal example of this:

I have a friend, let's call her Bella. Bella is younger than me, just turned adult. (This detail is important.) Bella broke up with this guy who she was secretly engaged to (I know, sounds like bullshit. I bought their Wal-Mart engagement rings. I was supposed to help plan and enact their wedding after they had enough time to get settled to where they could afford to not be still dependent on their parents.) And literally three weeks later, I get a message from Bella saying she's no longer living with her parents.

Now, I get a little confused and concerned. She just turned 18 maybe 2 months earlier, not done with high school yet, and she didn't have a job. (I have my concerns about her even being able to keep a job in the first place.) I get her to tell me who she moved in with, since I knew for a fact that she was not going to be on her own, unless she was on the streets. She tells me that she moved in with, let's call him Ben, Ben. Now I had no idea who the hell Ben was and hearing he was her boyfriend was news to me. I ask her how long they had been together, ready to rain holy hell down on her if she had been cheating on her now-ex-fiance. She tells me they met a few weeks before. That's right folks. They MET a few weeks before. MET. Me being the friend I was, I try to hint this was not a good idea. You know, don't you think you're moving a little too fast, what about xyz?

Fast forwards about a week. Bella and Ben broke up and she was back at her parents. I was relieved. She moved about an hour away from her parents with a guy she had only known a few weeks at this point. She thought she was going to transfer to the adult high school there. Didn't happen, obviously. I learn not to long after, her parents made her break up with him. I just kinda accepted it as good. Only guy I actually ever approved her with was her ex-fiance. And I sure as fucking hell DO NOT APPROVE of Ben. I didn't approve of him when I first heard of him. I definitely did not approve of him when I learned why her parents made her break up with him.

Now, fast forwards again to last Tuesday. Me, Bella, her mom, and sister are all going to Wet'n'Wild, a water park for any not familiar with it. Bella asks me if she could use my phone while we're there. Now, I do not like letting anyone use my phone for any reason, but I asked her why she needed to use it. This is what she tells me: "So I can text Ben cause my phone's out of service and my parents don't know me and Ben are back together." I flat out tell her, no. We will be at a water park and you can go a day without constantly messaging him. I was fine being the Friar Lawrence to her Juliet, but only because I approved of the guy. And what I learned of Ben on the ride down there on makes me disapprove of him even more.

Ben is 22 and in the middle of a divorce. 22, middle of a divorce, and dating an 18 year old girl not even out of high school yet.

The divorce is because his wife apparently cheated on him. I can understand that. But if Bella doesn't immediately reply to his texts, he immediately pulls out the "Babe are you cheating on me?" "Babe you better not be cheating on me." Cards. I told her that this was him punishing her for his wife apparently cheating on him.

Ben demanded Bella tell him if someone hits on her while at the water park. I raise the question what the fuck is he going to be able to do about it? Even if someone does, its not like she will ever see them again. She calls it him being "over-protective." I called it, to her face, what it actually was. "Possessiveness, an unhealthy amount of possessiveness."

Ben apparently had a sob story childhood. Mother didn't love him. Mother hates him. And he has mental illnesses that he can't get medication for because he has this heart condition that has already cause him heart attacks and strokes. Oh, lets not forget that he was recently sent to and released from a mental hospital for a mental breakdown. I am in no way saying anything bad about people with these things. I understand. I have family and friends with mental illnesses. My friends thought I had Depression at one point, might have, but never been to a place to be diagnosed.

But I just find that all real convenient for him. Sob story to get pity. And then uses his mental condition and physical condition to manipulate Bella. She is literally terrified that if she doesnt talk to him 24/7 he will have to go back to the mental hospital because he had a breakdown because of her or he'll have a heart attack or something because of her.

When I get to her house to pick her up, he flips from "you gotta tell me if anyone hits on you" to basically "I don't believe you're actually going to a water park. Who are you gonna be with? Send me a picture. You better not be cheating on me" to basically "You better text me while there. I love you babe."

We get to the water park and I leave my phone in the rental locker. When I check my phone about halfway through our time there on a sunscreen re-application and bathroom run, Ben has found me on Facebook and messaged me telling me to tell Bella to message him back and that he loves her. This boy knows good and well her phone is out of service and shes at a water park, so won't have her phone on her all the time. I shove my phone back in that locker and go back to getting my pale ass roasted in that 100 degree full sun weather.

Back in the car to go home, she asks again if she can text Ben. I tell her she can wait one more hour without texting Ben. She pouts most of the ride home. But, then again, she believes that her parents just want to get in the way of her and Ben's love and not that they are legitimately concerned for her well-being as an 18 year old girl who cant support herself yet with a 22 year old in the middle of a divorce who has shown he's not the best guy around (manipulation, super possessive, punishing her for his wife cheating on him). Oh, and he wants her to stop being around her parents as soon as she is able, because he doesn't like them.

Not to mention all these plans for the future they have that I immediately burst because they didn't even think about all the costs associated. Oh, get a house together? Well, the mortgage may be reasonable, but what about insurance and utilities? Water? Electricity? Oh, he wants to buy a car first thing? Well, he could buy a decent priced car, but then there's all the inspection fees, registration costs, insurance costs. Oh, and he wants her to get a job right now to help support him while he looks for a job. But, her response to all I told her about costs that they didn't think of? "Oh. We didn't think about all of that."

So that is my story. @weasly65 knows Bella. I have been ranting about her situation with Ben since Bella told me she first moved in with him to Weasly65, though the rest of the information is new. Surprise. Here's the latest rant on Bella to you.

Possessiveness 101

Totally cool: “Hey, do you want to be exclusive?”

Red flag: “No one but me is allowed to touch you.”

Totally cool: “It makes me feel weird when you flirt with other people, can we talk about that?”

Red flag: “If you loved me, you would stop being friends with them. You KNOW it makes me jealous.”

Totally cool: “I hope we’re together forever. I’m so in this for the long haul.”

Red flag: “If you ever left me, I would kill myself.”

Totally cool: “Your mom is really unkind to me, can we try to minimize how often you bring me when you visit her?”

Red flag: “Your mom hates me, you need to stop talking to her. She’s trying to ruin our relationship.”

Totally cool: “I love you so much, oh my god.”

Red flag: “It’s a good thing I love you so much, because no one else would. You’d be alone forever without me.”

Other important red flags to keep in mind: someone who wants to jump into emotional/financial co-dependence very fast (like moving in together right away, or becoming each other’s only confidantes right away) and won’t take no for an answer; someone who tries to minimize how often you leave the house or interact with other people; someone who threatens you or themselves or your family or pets or possessions or financial future; someone who uses guilt to keep you from leaving a relationship.

Very important reminder: You do not need a reason to leave a relationship. Neither does the other person (or people). A relationship is over when one of the people in it says it’s over, period. Obviously it’s kind to take the end of a long relationship seriously, but abusers and manipulators have lost the right to that conversation. Lie if you need to–your safety is much more important than their feelings.

Trust your instincts!

It’s a Dangerous Pastime - Ch. 1

A/N: It’s done! Finally! I had so much fun writing this, and I’m already working on the next part.

To be tagged, comment or ask.

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Smut, Hybrid AU, College AU

Members: OT7 x reader

Word count: 2k+

Warnings (for this chapter): Some swearing

Future Warnings will contain: swearing, possessive words and behavior, sexual content, breeding kink, impregnation kink, dom and sub behavior, and more. (Warnings will be added at the beginning of every chapter)

Keep reading

Flashback number 2 of From Horologist to Chronomancer: It was a Matter of Time is up now.

Featuring Sylar's jealousy and possessiveness on full display.

Yes, but also, "Mine" like a dragon. Because as possessive as it comes across, a dragon values its treasure. It covets and admires it and wishes to be beside it at all times (quite literally buried inside it for some), *suggestive eyebrows* to protect it from those which would take it only for its base value and trade, neglect, or mistreat it. A dragon will literally die for what it decides is its, not in some Shakespearean self-sacrificing way of thinking life is not worth living without, though it would be devastated. It's because it would do everything in its power to keep it from the hands of those it deems unworthy (every other living thing unless proven otherwise), because the idea of what it cherishes not being given the respect it deserves is infuriating. It will fight tooth and claw, with every bit of breath in its lungs, to reclaim it if it is lost or stolen.

When a dragon takes a treasure into its collection it is the collection. People often misconstrue this concept as: "Oh, yeah, just become a piece of property that's owned by someone jealous but will ultimately still only see you as a thing."

That is not how a dragon views its treasure. That is how most other things do, especially humans. Its treasure, all of it, every single thing about it, is valued, faults and all. So, in terms of a person, to be "mine" to a dragon does not mean you are but a piece, a small thing of value, that might occasionally be doted on but mostly is ignored for something new. You are the treasure. As in, the entire fucking collection. The whole thing! You are the most valuable, wonderful, fascinating thing in all the world and it wants as much of you as it can get. It wants to explore every facet and find every piece of you no matter how hidden or treacherous to uncover, and will proudly call you its for the rest of its life, long after parts of you start to age, decay, and lose their shine. It will be just as proud to have you then as the first day it found you.

"Mine," like a dragon.

calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.