Religious Ocd - Tumblr Posts

Alright, Hail, True Body headcanon time:

Mark Owens has religious OCD.

OCD-in the simplest terms-is having obsessions(repetitive thoughts that bring you distress) that are followed by compulsions(actions that are used to bring temporary relief from said obsessions.)

Religious OCD is when you’re terrified of being sent to hell/God punishing you for small mistakes. These can be things like accidentally using the lord’s name in vain, experiencing intrusive thoughts(which are pretty much a constant with all kinds of OCD, and are essentially thoughts that pop into your head without you wanting them to that are extremely distressing), and many others.

(I have OCD, and I used to have religious OCD before leaving Catholicism.)

Anywho, yeah, Mark is REALLY OCD coded to me, because:

•He continuously reassures himself that God still loves him and still cares about him in order to calm himself, despite it only giving him barely any relief

•He constantly worries that he’s done something wrong or sinned, and he has to keep checking himself about that

•He gets angry at God for not answering him, before getting hit with a truckload of guilt and anxiety for feeling that anger, and he deeply worries that he’s fucked up, so he begs God for forgiveness

•He sees everything negative that happens as his fault for doing something bad, so God’s punishing him.

So, uh, yeah. Neurodivergent mess.

that feeling when your journal entries start looking like hail true body mark owen’s thought process (we’re cooked, my bros)

this is a thought I’m sort of ashamed of and it comes from years of having severe OCD, and it’s that I don’t think anyone deserves to go to Hell. I’ve thought a lot about how bad it would be, how terrible the idea is, and I can’t make myself truly believe anyone deserves that. I can’t

“suffering feels religious if you do it right” no shut up it doesn’t. my friends laughing in the kitchen while i make dinner feels religious. the sun on my face after a long winter feels religious.

Welcome to my scrupulosity

Where god can do whatever he wants and to pray against any of it is to reject the will of god which is a sin and is selfish which is a sin and is fearful which is also a sin and is prideful to think I could ever have anything other than whatever god decides for me whatever that is and that’s also a sin and so much sin in infinite layers and unknown hidden corners of my heart and mind that even I don’t know and only the spirit of god knows so I must continually pray to expose every facet of my divide deceitful heart so that I can see my sin which god is waiting for me to be willing to see and I’m never willing enough which is also a sin

But oh my god aren’t I so spiritual, so holy, so earnest, always in prayer, gifted with discernment and words of wisdom and words of knowledge and prophecy and what’s that? I should be leading and teaching and speaking and shepherding others

Hey-o religious trauma is real and Christianity reinforces trauma and rewards your coping mechanisms which perpetuates the trauma.

Do you know how you cope with the cognitive dissonance of believing a good god can kill you at any time in any way because you deserve it and it’s his will and would be loving? You disappear. You “die to yourself”, aka dissociate. You cease to exist except in an animated body rehearsing the speech and behavior of theological dogma.

In actuality, your morals are the choices you make based on your values, derived from your ethics. If you lose your belief in god and decide human catastrophe and suffering is funny and something to be celebrated, that’s a you problem and even with a practicing belief in god, you will gravitate toward theology that still reflects those values, as the artist did.

We don’t have to think this way or see things that way. We don’t have to believe that humans are irreparably flawed For Some Reason. We can select different beliefs based on different criteria we choose to highlight and emphasize, and live accordingly.

ok i had to go read minna sundberg's christian coming-to-faith comic and this is literally a flaming trainwreck. like i don't think there's been a single scene so far where i wasn't like ''okay this is literally insane i think you need therapy"