Rest Well - Tumblr Posts

to early emphasis: dear cloud’s nine has confirmed that she was asked by jonghyun to post his final note before passing to fans. she has also confirmed that she was given the blessing from his family to share it with the world. you can find confirmation of this here. below will be proper triggers for this post as it is not easy to read. i will also leave nine’s comment that she left on her post as it is important in regards to why she was asked to post it. if you feel that i have missed any please do not hesitation message me on my personal blog (jaekyung) and i will add them as quickly as i am able to. also thank you to sonexstella for translating. —- trigger warning(s): death tw, depression tw, suicide ideation tw, suicide tw nine: i said my final goodbye with jonghyunnie. even after seeing his smiling portrait of the deceased, it still feels like jonghyunnie will come to me and smile as if all of this was a dream. starting from awhile back, jonghyunnie told me his dark and deep internal stories. i think each day was very difficult for him. i kept having uneasy thoughts so i made it known to his family and tried my hardest to capture his heart but it only ended up postponing time and i could not block his last (action). i still cannot believe he is not in this world and it’s so painful. i’m still afraid, not knowing if it’s the right thing to upload these words but jonghyun himself asked me to please upload these words if he disappeared from this world. i wished this day would never come … after discussing with his family i am uploading his final note, according to his last wishes. i think that there must be a reason why he left this up to me. i worry that there will be controversy. however, i think that he predicted this and asked me, so i decided that i will do the one last thing i can do for jonghyunnie. i hope everyone knows now that jonghyun was not alone and that he worked hard … that he did really well … please thank him for withstanding well … beautiful jonghyun, i really love you a lot. going forward, i will love you a lot. in that place, please don’t be in pain and i hope you will be peaceful … —- i am broken from the inside. depression that slowly ate away at me ended up swallowing me. i couldn’t beat it. i hated myself. i held onto memories that have died out and, even though i shouted to snap out of it, there was no response. if suffocating breaths will not open up it’s better instead to stop. i asked who can take responsibility for myself. it’s you. i was completely alone. it’s easy to say you’ll end it. it’s hard to end it. i lived up to now admist that difficulty. you said i wanted to run away. that’s right. i wanted to run away. from myself. from you. i asked who was there. i said it was me. again, it was me. and once again, it was me. i asked why i kept losing memories. it’s my personality. i see. in the end, it’s all my fault. i hoped someone would notice, but no one knew. never met me, so of course, no one knew i was there. i asked why i was living. just. just. everyone just lives. if i asked why someone would die, you would say you’re exhausted. i suffered from concern. i never learned how to change tiresome pains into joy. pain is just pain. i urged myself not to be like that. why? why can’t i end it according to my own will? i tried to find out why i was in pain. i knew too well. i am in pain because of myself. it’s all because it’s my fault and because i’m foolish. teacher, did you want to hear these words? no. i did nothing wrong. when he blamed my personality with a quiet voice i thought it was so easy to be a doctor. it’s fascinating to see why i’m in this much pain. people who have more hardships than i do live well. people who are weaker than me live well. maybe that’s not it. of people who are alive, there is no one who has more hardships than i do, and who is weaker than i am. despite this, i was told to live. i asked why this is the case a hundred times, and it’s never for me. it’s for you. i wanted it to be for me. please don’t say things you don’t know. find out why it’s difficult. i told you many times why it’s difficult for me. with that, is it not possible for it to be this difficult? does there need to be more concrete drama? are you wanting more of a story? i already told you. did you not pay attention? what i can overcome doesn’t leave a scar. colliding with the world must not have been my fate. being known to the world must not have been my life. that’s why everything was difficult. colliding, and being known was difficult. why did i chose that. it’s a funny incident. it’s commendable that i was able to withstand up to this point. what more can i say? just tell me i worked hard. that i did a good job. that i went through a lot. even if you can’t smile, please don’t send me off in blame. you worked hard. you went through a lot. goodbye.

Let him know we miss him.... say hello to him for me and all of us.

*sends kisses to the moon* for jonghyun

the all white theme of my blog is a sign of respect for jonghyun. it is to show that he is now out of his darkness and in the light. it also gives a sense clarity in these hard times and takes away from the distraction of bright colors and others. i want everyone to take care of themselves and pray or wish for jonghyun's soul to rest well and for his family, friends, and fans to stay strong and make it through this tough period. never forget jonghyun, and that he isn't just the "guy in shinee that killed himself" but that he was an amazing, beautiful, talented star shining brightly on us. that he is an influence and a fighter.

𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐒!!

“...𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙫𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚"

𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧. 𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡. 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲.. 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐚- 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢'𝐦 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐚𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐮𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐢 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧. 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞. 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐱𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐧. 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 <𝟑𝟑...

R.I.P Mittens.

so.... we had to put down my eldest cat. im definitely taking a break, just to fully process. i swear i had a normal crying session with a panic attack for about 40 minutes... anyways...

all i regret is not being able to say goodbye to him before my mom took him to the vet without letting me know. i was working up to it, but i just couldn't... it hurts a lot and i know its natural but for him to just be gone so suddenly.... its hard. harder than i thought.. hes been with me through so much. he was there when i was a baby. 19 years ive known him and it ended like this. i wish i could've done more for him.. i guess its inevitable to feel so broken though. rest in peace, baby. you and your grinch toes. i love you. and im sorry i couldnt be with you for your last breath.

thank you for being my bias, moonbin. sleep well my love. ❤️🕊️

i love you.

rip beautiful angel 🤍🪦

RIP Shelly Duvall, you will be missed 🎀🪦 She passed on the 11/7/24.