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Where Do We Stand?

A oneshot inside the Look At Us Now AU

Written for Rowaelin Month day 6: Rowaelin

This happens around a year and a half before where the current story starts! I wrote it for this event so it can be read even if you don’t know the AU 🫶

Also I wrote half of this in bed on my phone because I’m having a labyrinthitis crisis please be nice to me and my fic with very little editing

Warnings: mild (?) smut, language, a destroyed house, a toddler (Maisie’s on FIRE)

Word count: 3,8k

In and out. In and out.

Sam’s face was scrunched up in concentration, holding Aelin’s hip as he rode her.

It was not the best sex she’d ever had, but it was some sex, which was better than nothing.

He was panting. “How do you like that, babe?”

“Oh… yes. So good,” Aelin praised. Her chest felt a little tight as she not lied, but emphasized her enthusiasm. Sam was trying, but sex with him was… well, it was vanilla.

He fucked her gently, choked her weirdly, had thin moans, and spanked her a little too softly. At least she came every time. Even if it wasn’t mind-blowing, it was still a win.

Sam stopped when Aelin’s phone started ringing.

She grabbed it from his nightstand with one swift motion and—

Rowan.

Sam ground his teeth together. “Are you going to take it?”

“It could be anything from a lost toy to a house fire,” she explained while swiping to answer the phone.

“Hey. Are you busy?”

She quickly glanced at Sam, phone tightly clutched to her ear. “Kinda.”

She could hear his sigh from the other side of the phone. “Lorcan’s busy, and Sellene’s out of town—”

“Spill, Rowan.”

When he hurriedly told her what happened, Aelin’s only reaction was to tell him she’d be there in a few and hang up the phone.

Sam didn’t protest, but he didn’t look happy either. Aelin winced when he pulled out. Gods, she didn’t even remember he was still inside her.

“Is she alright?”

“Not a house fire, thank Mala.”

“Are you sure you need to go?” He asked with a cautious, uncertain tone.

Aelin sighed. “She’s a toddler, Sam. I can be needed for a lot of things that aren’t life-threatening.”

He nodded. “I could go with you. Be an extra set of hands.”

She suppressed a grimace. “In the middle of a toddler crisis?”

“You told me it wasn’t an emergency.”

Aelin knew what he was tiptoeing around, and she didn’t have time for this conversation again. The one about taking the next step in their relationship and introducing him to Maisie.

Sam was a good guy. He was kind, and had a stable career as a heart doctor. Everyone at the hospital liked him—including pediatric patients.

Aelin didn’t know why she balked every time Sam asked to become official. 

It was the next step for them. And Aelin wanted to take it, but she wouldn’t do it until that weird feeling on her chest eased when she considered it. She wouldn’t introduce anyone into Maisie’s life until being completely certain of it.

“Are you coming back after?” He whispered on her ear, hands on her hips after they got dressed.

“I don’t know. Probably not,” Aelin said, and she meant it.

She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and hurried to Rowan’s place.

Earlier that day

It was a bit past 5 am when Rowan came to terms with the fact that Maisie would not fall asleep again.

His daughter’s last molar teeth were coming out, and he didn’t know if he felt more frustrated or relieved.

They were late, and Rowan didn’t know why. He searched online, talked about it with Aelin, took Maisie to the dentist, and the only answer we got was that he was supposed to wait.

Was it a vitamin thing? Lack of calcium? What would happen if she grew up without molar teeth? What if her teeth came out, but something was wrong with it? Couldn’t they check them with a X-ray? What if they wouldn’t come out until something else was fixed? Was this a sign of some bigger disease?

Rowan was almost losing his mind until Maisie’s gums got way too swollen to not be teething. He finally relaxed, getting this weight off his shoulders, until he remembered in the worst way the nightmare that teething was.

More specifically in her case, the irritability and sleepless nights that led to more irritability.

“I DON’T LIKE GIRLED CHEESE,” his daughter screamed at the top of her lungs, crying when he told her he’d make grilled cheese for breakfast.

Maisie loved grilled cheese.

Rowan returned the bread to its container and sighed.

“Cereal, then?”

“My tummy hurts.” She eyed him warily. “I need to go to the pool to feel better.”

Rowan forced the corners of his lips to not tug up. If Maisie sees him smile at this, she’d remember she has him wrapped around her little finger, and Rowan would lose his chance of bargaining with her.

“We can’t leave the house if you don’t eat breakfast, Mais.”

When his daughter’s lips started wobbling, Rowan knew he needed to think fast. He already had a headache from not sleeping, he’d do anything to avoid a tantrum now.

None of his offers worked, though. She trashed and screamed and cried, only stopping when he said he’d take her to the pool and buy her a popsicle there if she ate her breakfast.

After making Maisie’s grilled cheese and an unholy amount of coffee for himself, he called Lorcan.

“What,” his friend greeted, cheerful as ever.

“I’m taking Maisie to the pool. Wanna come with Charlie?”

Rowan and Lorcan weren’t the most talkative duo, but they hung out a lot because they were neighbors with kids around the same age. Well, they used to be friends before the kids too, but now it seemed like the only thing they talked about was potty training and tricks to minimize picky eating.

“Sorry man, we have a thing with Ellie’s parents. Next week?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He hung up the phone and made a mental note to pack more pool toys, since they were going alone this time.

“Daddy…”

Rowan turned to Maisie, rubbing his face to focus on her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I do like girled cheese.”

“That’s great, Mais.” He put a smile on, but it came out faint. Even the muscles on his face were feeling heavy.

The pool was actually a great idea. His goal was to get his daughter worked up so she’d feel tired enough to sleep the whole night through. He had no idea why he didn’t think of that before.

Rowan got the table closest to the children’s pool and bought her promised popsicle. She was eating it next to him when she saw a man with low stature pass by them, holding a girl’s hand.

“OH NO!” Maisie boomed and pointed, voice ringing. “That little girl only has a tiny little daddy!”

Rowan’s eyes widened, his blood rushing into his cheeks. Gods, he had no words for his daughter sometimes.

The man hurried his steps, not giving them a chance to apologize.

“Maisie Whitethorn,” he chastised, tone low and firm. “You cannot call other people tiny, you hear me?”

He regretted the way he’d said it the moment her eyes watered and she started weeping.

Rowan sighed, running a hand through his hair. He placed Maisie on his lap and hang his head low while he soothed her. He was so fucking tired. He didn’t mean to make her cry. Again.

Rowan stayed at the table when Maisie decided it was time to jump into the pool. Sellene once told him Aelin’s great at introducing herself to people so their daughter could make quick friends to play with, and watching Maisie play alone in the pool sent a pang through his chest.

Rowan wasn’t very sociable or charismatic, and he never missed those things either, except when it came to his daughter. Truth was, he didn’t even know how to do that. Should he introduce himself to the kids? That would be creepy. Ask the parents if his daughter could play? Better than the first option, but it sounded awkward.

Maisie seemed happy with the water toys, though. He’d do the awkward thing if she starts to look bored.

The head that rested on his hand began to feel a little too heavy, as much as his eyes. He could feel his eyelids closing, slowly—

Rowan jerked upright. What the fuck? He shouldn’t blink an eye while his daughter was surrounded by strangers like this.

He got up, splashed a handful of water from the pool on his face, and tried to keep himself awake by reading a book about potty training he bought yesterday. The worst part had gone by, but Maisie still struggled—

“DADDY!” His daughter called him, grinning.

Rowan smiled back. It was good to see his daughter this happy after the morning they had.

“What, Mais?”

She giggled before shouting, “MY POO IS SWIMMING!”

Following the direction she pointed, indeed, there was a blob of poop floating around the pool.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

In the blink of an eye, Rowan grabbed the plastic bag that came with the book he bought, jumped at the children’s pool and seized his daughter’s poop.

He held the plastic bag with one hand and Maisie’s with another while he went away, but his daughter would not leave the pool without a fight. As if the horrified looks from everyone weren’t enough. God, had they never seen a toddler being gross before?

“We’re leaving, Mais.”

“But why?” She whined.

“Come on.” He tugged at her hand.

Maisie whimpered. “Is it because of my poo?”

“Yes,” he gritted out.

She cried harder.

And on the way home. And when they were arriving home and she calmed down, they went back to square one because of fucking bath time.

“Why do I need a bath?”

Rowan took a deep breath. “Why do you think you need a bath?”

“NO!” His toddler shouted. “I DON’T WANNA THINK!”

He crouched so he’d be around Maisie’s height. “You need to shower because you went to the pool. And pooped in it.”

“I didn’t want to leave the pool!” She argued, lips wobbling while the first tears started to shed.

Rowan loved his daughter. So, so much. He would not snap at Maisie. He would not snap at Maisie. He took a deep breath.

“I know, honey, but we had to.”

“YOU’RE MEAN!” His daughter yelled. “I was happy, and you made all my happy feelings go kaboom!”

After many, many attempts of him trying to reason with a three-year-old, Rowan managed to give his daughter a shower. Maisie did cry because she wanted her mother and screamed bloody murder when it was time to rinse her hair, but they made it out alive.

Bath time had been an issue lately. Aelin liked to make a fucking show while bathing Maisie, with singing and stories and practically performing a puppet show with her toys, and their daughter loved it. The only problem was when she expected Rowan to do the same. No matter how hard he tried, he’d never get the voices or the story—or anything, really—right.

Lunch was as bad as the rest of the day. She cried because the meatballs were too big. Then she cried because she couldn’t cut them herself. So Rowan cut them for her, and she cried more because she decided she wanted the meatballs whole, not cut.

Rowan really wanted to call Aelin and ask her if Maisie was this moody yesterday too, but stopped himself. He didn’t have the mental strength to deal with Aelin Galathynius now.

And you know what? Fuck limited screen time. After lunch, Rowan turned the TV on a low-stimulating show, set Maisie on her little play mat with all the closest toys he could find and decided he’d rest on the couch until he felt like himself again.

He would do whatever the hell Maisie wanted now. Happy toddler means happy dad, and that would be enough for the rest of the day.

This children’s show… it’s really soothing, isn’t it? Rowan could feel his eyes dropping, his limbs relaxing…

Nope. No lying on the couch for him. Bad, bad idea. He got into a seating position and rolled his shoulders back. What was up with him today? Rowan was a drill instructor. He not only knew how to live under the hardest situations, he taught people how to do that.

If he survived the military, he could survive a toddler.

~~

Rowan jolted awake with his daughter’s screams.

He jumped from the couch and followed the sound of her voice, barely registering that his living room was completely covered in paint—floors, furniture, everything.

He entered the kitchen, immediately slipped on the unusually slippery tiles, and busted his hip. It was definitely going to bruise, but his focus now was sliding on the floor until he could get to Maisie.

His daughter was crying because she tried to climb on a drawer as if she were a house cat. And it obviously fell down with her weight.

He sat on the floor, hushing the little girl and repeating over and over that it’s okay.

He didn’t know if he was soothing Maisie or himself.

It was like a tornado had stormed through his kitchen.

The floor was a mix of soap, flour and cereal. Maisie had opened every singled bottom cabinet he owned and thrown its contents on the floor. She drew a sketch all over her face, and looked so dirty it looked like she had gone through an idiotic Youtube prank. And there also was the drawer she just broke, of course.

Rowan breathed in.

He would not scream at his daughter.

Breathed out.

He shouldn’t have slept.

Breathed in.

It was his fault. She was just a toddler.

Breathed out.

He would not scream at his daughter.

He didn’t want to ask her for help, but he needed someone to keep Maisie on a fucking leash so he could finish cleaning this mess today. Aelin was needed, even if her reaction would be somewhere between her shouting at him and… her shouting at him.

Rowan slowly, very slowly dialed her, resigned to his fate even before the shock passed.

“Hey,” he said when she picked up. “Are you busy?”

˜˜

Rowan was greeted with a loud cackle when Aelin came in. She immediately picked Maisie up and smacked their daughter with a kiss, not caring that it’d mess her clothes.

He looked around his trashed living room and sighed. “Don’t worry, the kitchen’s worse.”

Aelin’s eyes widened. You are so fucked, she mouthed when their daughter couldn’t see. “And what happened to your face?”

His phone was out of his pocket in a second, and Rowan groaned when he saw the sketch that had become his nose and cheeks. Very close to the dot on the nose and black lines on the cheeks that Maisie had on.

“Tigers!” The little girl giggled, pointing between her face and Rowan’s.

Aelin was trying to look serious now, but she still bumped her kid’s little nose, or the black paint in it. “You did a big mess, you know that, Maisy Daisy? Are you going to help your dad clean that up?”

Maisie frowned.

“Well, we need to,” Aelin continued, already walking into his house with Maisie in her arms to give her a bath. “If we don’t help your dad clean the kitchen, how are we going to have dinner?” She talked to her daughter until the bathroom door was closed, and Rowan couldn’t hear it anymore.

He resumed his work, thanking Mala that Maisie used the washable paint on the living room’s wooden floor. The back porch’s water hose was long enough to reach a bit of the kitchen, which would help him too.

The damage was done, now he just had to scrub. In fact, now that Aelin could look after Maisie, he felt a lot calmer about the situation.

Aelin. The light mood she was in surprised him, and Rowan hoped he hadn’t crashed her plans, given the light-blue sundress—

Rowan stopped, his jaw suddenly tight. The only thing that brought him back was the realization the water coming in a higher speed because he was squeezing the hose too much, making a bit of a mess.

He went back to work, but not without shaking off the fact that he had a good idea where she was at. With whom, actually.

Rowan couldn’t even ask her because he wasn’t supposed to know shit. Their deal was that they only needed to tell before the other introduced their partner to Maisie. But Aelin told Elide, who told Lorcan, who told Rowan about a month ago about this new boy toy of hers.

Just be prepared, Lorcan told him. And Rowan did. He prepared himself for days.

He paced around his house, thinking of the right questions to ask when the time came, and the right way to ask them. Sellene helped him find the guy’s social media. He seemed okay, but would be good enough for Maisie? He doubted it.

Rowan just knew he’d be a shitty step parent.

He posts Live, Laugh, Love Facebook captions. With the wrong capitalization. Is that the kind of example she wants to set for Maisie?

And Rowan wouldn’t even mention that horrendous yellow filter on his pictures.

Those were just facts. As someone who’s Maisie’s parent and close to nothing to Aelin, his opinion was completely unbiased.

He wanted Aelin to be happy. She was his child’s mother, of course he wanted her to be happy.

But not with Cortland.

When the girls came to the kitchen, Aelin decided to reorganize the cabinets and wash the food containers Maisie threw on the floor. They gave the little girl a cloth to wipe a thing or another, but making her ‘clean her own mess’ was more like a moral lesson than anything else. They couldn’t expect much cleaning from a three-year-old.

“You didn’t give your mom a hard time during bath time, right, Mais?”

“We played sumbarine!” The little girl giggled like she hadn’t turned bath time into a nightmare earlier today. Hell, she was lucky she was cute.

Aelin snorted. “She was fine.” A pause. “Rowan, I need to talk to you about something.”

Now?

Aelin was going to tell him about Cortland now?

His blood turned to ice, and Rowan’s stomach was rioting against her next words. He ignored it and swallowed down whatever that was, burying it as deep as he could. “Go on.”

“Rowan…” she sighed. “You don’t need to wait until after the worst was happened to ask me to come, you know?”

“No, I don’t.” He frowned, confused. What was she talking about?

Turning to him from the sink, she wiped her hands on her dress and rest her hip against the counter. “Look, I know we have the whole 50/50 schedule figured out, but the timetables aren’t that rigid even in the military.”

Rowan opened his mouth to speak, but Aelin lifted her finger, letting him know she wasn’t done.

“You didn’t sleep a wink the whole night, and you didn’t think of asking me too look after my own daughter while you take a break? Seriously?” She took a deep breath, calming herself, and ran a hand through her hair. “I swear to God, Rowan, you’ll call me literally anytime, except when you actually need me.”

His posture slumped, but he didn’t stop scrubbing. He’d get defensive any other day, but Rowan felt so fucking tired. He didn’t have anything in him to have this conversation now, so he opted for changing the subject.

“Thanks for coming, by the way.”

Her posture relaxed, eyes slowly softening. “Yeah. I saved your—“

Aelin stopped herself before she could say an improper word in front of Maisie. But she did, indeed, save his sorry ass.

“You saved me,” he rephrased her thoughts in a proper way.

“You bet I did,” she quietly said around a small smile.

It took a long time to finish cleaning up, but sooner than he thought, thanks to Aelin. She spent half the time helping him, the other wrangling Maisie so she wouldn’t get in his way. It was exactly what he needed. Besides, something about having his house in perfect order was incredibly soothing. He was still exhausted, but scrubbing his kitchen clean with little to no disturbance helped him calm down.

Now the three of them were eating popcorn while watching a TV because it was the best they could do after this day.

Aelin tapped his shoulder from the other side of the couch.

After being awake the majority of last night, one morning at the pool, one trashed house and trying to interrupt a deep-cleaning session, Maisie Galathynius Whitethorn had finally fallen asleep.

The score was still four to one to teething, but at this exact moment, Rowan felt like he won.

Aelin picked Maisie up from the couch, but apparently her daughter’s sleep wasn’t that deep yet.

“No,” she protested. “More movies.”

Aelin chuckled and whispered, “We can’t watch another movie, Mais.”

Maisie’s head was falling to the side with drowsiness, but she was stubborn as ever. “Can I watch the same movie again?”

“No…” Aelin bumped the little girl’s nose. “But you’re a very smart cookie.”

Maisie frowned. “I’m not a cookie.”

She chuckled. “Sorry, kiddo.”

“Not a kiddo,” the little girl mumbled.

Aelin walked toward their daughter’s bedroom and Rowan sighed, relieved that she didn’t protest. This time.

“You’re not a cookie. You’re not a kiddo,” Aelin said on her way. “What are you, then?”

“I’m a Maisie.”

Rowan couldn’t see them, but he could still hear his daughter’s answer, spoken as softly as the kiss Aelin smacked on the little girl.

His whole body relaxed when he heard quiet footsteps coming back. It’s not like he didn’t want Maisie awake and here with them, he was just exhausted from the day. From the week, actually.

“Is she out?”

Aelin snorted. “Like the dead.” She looked around, not really knowing what do with herself and the weird silence that settled. “Don’t you wanna sleep some too? I can make myself scarce.”

Rowan’s body was, indeed, screaming for some rest. He didn’t know what happened when his mouth blurted the opposite thing.

”I was thinking about another movie.” He scratched the back of his head. “Preferably one that doesn’t involve ballerinas and talking animals.”

That seemed to perk Aelin’s interest up. “Like something with assassins?”

“Or spies.”

“Wars.”

“Blood.” He gave a pointed glance to the half-empty popcorn bowl. “And I can make more of these.”

“Good.” She grinned and sat back on the couch, turning the TV on. “I’ll find out what our options are.”

Aelin’s glaze darted back between Rowan and the bowl, silently telling him to rush with the popcorn.

God, how long did he stand there, staring at her?

That day kept getting weirder and weirder. Rowan didn’t want to complain more than he already did, though.

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This was so freaking good 🔥

Look at Us Now — Ch. 6

Fic masterlist

This chapter is a little atypical, but we’ll get to our regular schedule next week. I almost rewrote everything last minute because this is a little too charged, but I hope you like it 😅

Warnings: language, incarceration

Word count: 3,7k

Calling his students out for their little looks and whispers would only make things worse.

It was no surprise, considering how his night routine with Fenrys consisted on listening to all the gossip his friend learned throughout the day. News ran fast inside this base.

It took only one day for the entire Air Force to find out that Rowan was sent to the guardhouse for improper sexual conduct. It was only his fifth day, half of his sentence, and he was beginning to wonder if going to work was that much better than spending all his time in a cell. Rowan couldn’t stand all the curious or pitiful looks he was getting, and it was almost as bad as the shame he felt weighing down his chest.

“Whitethorn!” Lorcan barked, coming his way and scaring away the recruits around.

“Captain.” His salute was the same he’d do to any superior. They were friends, yes, but every step Rowan took had to be thinly calculated. He was doing everything by the book to regain his reputation.

“You are the dumbest person I’ve ever met.”

Lorcan had his arms crossed, eyes narrowed at him. Rowan nodded in agreement.

“You’ve told me that plenty of times over the last five days, sir.”

“I got the doctor’s report on this last class two days ago. Turns out Galathynius didn’t do her test because she’s pregnant.”

Rowan nodded, not saying a word and feeling his stomach drop. As proud as he was to become a father, he didn’t like the way Lorcan, his boss, was leading this conversation.

“And don’t you think it’s strange that, right after that, her uncle locked you up?”

Rowan just hummed in acknowledgement. He would find out eventually, but Rowan was saving this conversation for a time where Lorcan wasn’t so pissed at him.

“And don’t you think it’s even stranger that Galathynius showed up at the training center thirty minutes ago, demanding to speak with you, even though you were busy and your position leaves you with no privileges whatsoever?”

“Where is she?”

Aelin was here. To talk to him. All of his insides twisted and quivered with the realization. He didn’t know if she was here to yell or make peace, but he’d take anything after five days of not being able to go after her because of his fucking sentence.

“She’s at my office.” Lorcan gripped Rowan’s forearm when he mentioned to leave. “I’m trying to help, but you’re walking a very thin line here, Whitethorn. Do not. Do. Anything. Dumb.” His friend squeezed his arm, making sure he understood how serious this was. “Copy that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I hope the kid puts some sense into your head,” Lorcan disclosed, but Rowan barely listened to him. He was walking as fast as he could, heart hammering against his chest each step he took.

When he opened Lorcan’s office door and recognized that silky golden hair, half of the weight on his shoulders vanished. The other part was still there, with promises of getting better or worse depending on how this conversation went.

“Did you read my letters?”

“All four of them.” Aelin gave him a tentative, close-lipped smile. “I would’ve come sooner if I knew about them. Lieutenant Moonbeam was delivering them at the wrong house.”

“Who did he gave them to?” His voice was taut and low as his mind ran the million different ways Fenrys could’ve got this wrong.

“Don’t worry.” She snorted. “He dropped them at my uncle’s, but I’m staying with my cousin now. Philippa gave them to me tonight, and I drove straight here.”

“Oh.” Rowan’s shoulders dropped in relief. It wasn’t Fenrys’ fault, then. Rowan was the one to give the wrong directions. “I didn’t know you moved.”

“It’s recent.” Aelin bit her lip. “I’ve been staying at Aedion’s spare room since Monday. It’s fine.”

Monday. She left her uncle’s house the day Darrow locked him up. Rowan wanted to ask if something happened, but he didn’t want to say anything that would risk his actual goal, that was getting on an agreement about the baby. Which he would start to work on now.

“I was a jerk the other day. I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are.” She seemed much calmer than when she left on Monday. It was probably because of Rowan’s clumsy groveling through desperate letters.

He was going to be a father.

That word couldn’t seem to leave his head, and he didn’t want it to.

Coming from a big, loud, loving family, of course Rowan wanted to have kids. At the right time. Which definitely wasn’t now, but he could work with that. He could make things right.

“Look, I—“ Aelin ran a hand through her hair as she considered her words. “You were an ass. I was too. I’m still bummed that was how things went out, but we have to get our shit together for the kid, right? I don’t want to be one of those parents who can’t decide on anything without a judge.”

His eyebrows raised. Aelin said some shit about not letting him see the child, but he just assumed she was angry because of his outburst. Suing her for custody never crossed his mind.

“I’m sure we can work things out without lawyers.”

The way Aelin’s shoulders dropped was so visible he wondered how much she tortured herself with this insanity. One more proof that she didn’t seem to know him at all.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Dorian,” she continued when Rowan was too stunned to answer, “I—“

“Look, Aelin, you don’t need to apologize. I don’t care about that anymore,” He lied. But he’d get there sometime. ”I think we should focus on the baby from now on.”

“Okay.” She slowly nodded, processing his words. “I agree.”

“That’s why we should get married.”

It was their best option. Right now, Rowan had his hand and an unborn kid he would see, in the best-case scenario, half of their life. By marrying Aelin, he would have great sex and frequent contact with his kid. Ideally, a marriage needs love. Well, Rowan definitely wasn’t in love with Aelin, but marrying her was all a man could ask for. Objectively. Under his circumstances, at least.

“Absolutely not!” Aelin blurted. Then paused for a beat, blinking with her mouth ajar. “Rowan, we’ve known each other for only a few months. Why would you think that?” She asked in a quieter tone this time, but her eyes were still widened, staring at him.

“I-“ Rowan crossed his arms and stared at the wall beside him for a second. He swallowed. “I don’t wanna be a part-time dad,” he croaked out.

Aelin’s eyes immediately softened, and she reached out to squeeze his hand.

“We can figure this out in a more… modern way. But that’s very chivalrous of you.” She had a small smile on. “Considering how we started.”

“Okay.” He sighed. “I guess we’ll do things the modern way.”

“It’s not like you actually wanted to marry me.” She snorted.

“Yeah, sure.”

Well, Rowan didn’t know what to add. He was ten days without his phone or laptop to research anything baby-related, which was driving him insane, so the only plan he made was the one about Aelin.

“So we’re finally on the same page about this?” She asked after a moment of silence.

Putting everything that happened aside so they could focus on the baby. They could do that.

˜˜

“What brings you here today?”

Maisie.

The desk sign read Dr. Yrene Towers, PhD, but the only person he could think of while reading it was Maisie.

Aelin looked at him. He didn’t say a thing. She cleared her throat.

“Hey, Yrene.” Aelin said in a small voice, and Rowan frowned at the usage of the doctor’s first name. Maybe they knew each other from Elide, or this is just how therapy goes. He shook it off as Aelin continued, “Our daughter has been making these drawings.”

The therapist took the phone and zoomed in the images of the same drawings Maisie’s teacher showed them.

“You do seem angry in these.”

“I know. And I don’t think my daughter has been doing me justice. I look a lot cuter in real life.” Aelin pasted on a smile and leaned back in the chair, but Rowan immediately recognized her false bravado.

“That sounds like a job for an art teacher.” Dr. Towers sent them an empathetic smile. “What can I help you two with?”

“We need to stop fighting,” Rowan blurted. He didn’t even want to be here, but since he was, he wanted to get this over with.

“Okay…” the therapist nodded and quickly typed something on her computer. “So you’re telling me you live in a high-conflict co-parenting situation, and want to stop fighting because of your daughter?”

They both confirmed.

“I think it’s great that you’re seeking therapy for that, and it really shows how much you care about your little girl, but I can’t make you stop fighting.” Rowan’s stomach dropped. He knew therapy would be fruitless. Dr. Towers continued, “What I can do instead is help you treat each other with kindness and respect even when you disagree on something.”

“That’s perfect.” Aelin nodded.

Rowan didn’t feel so sure.

Basically, the doctor had just told them they had no salvation. They’d fight to the day they die, it would just be less ugly. Rowan sighed. Well, he did promise Aelin he’d try her way of fixing things.

“I can work with that,” he offered when both women were looking at him.

“Now, why don’t you tell me a little about yourselves?”

The therapist wanted to know all problematic parts of their relationship, right? Rowan assumed he should be honest.

“I guess it all started when Aelin lied to me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you going to deny that?” Rowan sighed, hating that they were wasting time reminiscing things from five, six years ago instead of solving their current issues.

“I have nothing to deny, because I didn’t lie.”

“Okaaay!” Dr. Towers interrupted. “I usually start with the communication techniques after the introductions are made, but I think we can use them now.” She turned to him. “Rowan… can I call you Rowan? Mr. Whitethorn? Captain?”

“Rowan’s fine.”

“Okay, Rowan.” She gave him an encouraging smile. “Can you tell Aelin your version of what happened, but without adding your interpretation or blaming her? Just the raw string of events.”

He did as he was told, explaining how she hid her relationship from that night at Aviator’s Ball to the pregnancy reveal. Aelin didn’t object.

“You did that step great,” Yrene praised. “Now, how did that make you feel?”

“Like shit.”

“Well, that’s a valid response, but-” The therapist fumbled about in a drawer, but quickly took out a thick sheet of paper. “Can you try finding one emotion here that matches how you felt?”

The paper she gave him had Emotion Wheel written, and had so many feelings in so many colors, it almost made him dizzy. Rowan took his time to find one.

“I guess I felt… frustrated.” Rowan set his jaw. They agreed to do this feelings thing, so fuck it. “Jealous, too.”

Rowan couldn’t decipher the look in Aelin’s face, so he focused on the therapist.

“Thank you for sharing that,” Yrene encouraged. “Now the last step of this communication tool is to identify your needs and communicate them—“

“I’m sorry.” Aelin was fully turned to him, eyes earnest. “I was sure you wouldn’t sleep with me if you knew. Still am, actually. That’s why I didn’t tell you, and then things snowballed. But I didn’t mean to make you feel like shit.”

Rowan nodded, hoping he wasn’t blushing. Yes, he accepted doing therapy, but he hoped he wouldn’t need to talk about his sex life to a stranger.

After that, they stumbled through the past five years of their lives, disagreeing only a few times because they were doing that thing where they talked objectively. He didn’t know how many therapy sessions would take if Yrene wanted to disclose their feelings at each event, and Rowan hoped she wouldn’t try that.

Even if it was in polished, sugar coated words, forcing themselves to speak out loud every mistake they made was enough. Rowan didn’t want to delve into how he felt about that as well.

“Okay…” Yrene trailed while she worked on her notes. Rowan had never seen someone type so fast on a computer. “Another thing I like to do in the first session is to set goals.” Her gaze swept between the two of them. “Apart from improving communication skills, is there anything else you’d like to work on?”

“Healthy boundaries.”

Aelin’s reply was way too fast for his liking. Of course she’d request that.

“How do you feel about that, Rowan?” The therapist asked.

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” He looked deep into Aelin’s smoldering eyes, defiant blue and green clashing together.

“Well, of course you don’t, Rowan. I don’t call you six times a day to check if you’ve managed to kill our daughter yet.”

He gripped his armchair a little too tightly. Of course Aelin would get a simple thing and twist until he looked like the bad guy.

“Aelin, listen to me—“

“No, you listen to me!” Despite her words, Aelin turned to their therapist. “You know how I feel about his calls!”

“But does he?” Yrene asked.

“You talk to her about me?” Rowan interrupted.

Aelin laughed, but it didn’t sound joyful at all.

“You have no idea the amount of shit I take from you, do you?” She paused for a second, the gold in her eyes ready to burn him. “Yes, Rowan, I do talk about you to my therapist. I talk about you so much I’m almost sending you the fucking bill!”

“You take shit from me?”

“Yes! And I still manage to respect you as a parent, unlike—“

“Unlike what? When did I ever—“

“You don’t even try to hide that you think I’m a shit mother!” She shouted with all the strength in her lungs.

Rowan froze, completely speechless by Aelin’s last sentence.

He had never even hinted that she’s a bad mother. Because he doesn’t think that, in the first place.

Yrene cleared her throat. “I think we should all take a deep—“

“I dare you to tell me one time I made you think you’re a bad mother,” he challenged, voice low and tight.

“Oh, you want it in chronological order? Or ranked by the one who hurt the most?” Aelin sneered. “Because this very morning you called to remind me to brush Maisie’s teeth. I mean, I must be a terrible mother if you feel the need to do that.”

“Oh, you’re hurt?” Rowan sneered. “You want to talk to me about being hurt? This is all your fault! I never, ever wanted to co-parent Maisie. You forced me to do this, and it’s fucking torture! If I have to go through this, the very least you could do is answer your phone and tell me if Maisie is letting you brush her teeth!”

“Okay!” Yrene cut in before Aelin could escalate that. “Why don’t we take a few deep breaths? In through the nose… hold on…. now out through the mouth… okay, you’re doing great. Once again…”

They both followed the therapist’s breathing exercise. Rowan could feel the boiling in his blood diminish every long breath, but it was still a small relief to his anger.

“Now, Rowan.” Yrene focused her gaze on him. “It’s really good that you’re opening up, this office is always a safe space for you to do that. It’s common to have concerns about your co-parent’s parenting style, but there are healthier ways to—“

“That’s not the case.” Rowan suppressed a groan. When did the conversation even get here? “I trust Aelin. I wouldn’t let my daughter stay with her if I didn’t.”

“How reassuring.”

Rowan ground his teeth together, trying to not let Aelin’s snark affect him.

“I just feel better if I know what’s going on.”

”Do you mind talking a little more about that, Rowan?” Yrene’s face looked open, understanding.

Rowan sagged in his chair for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. The therapist looked like she already knew where he was going. Maybe she has mischievous, defiant little girls at home too.

“I always wake up thinking about Maisie.” He turned to Aelin, his voice was a lot calmer this time. ”And today I wondered if the cereal you gave her for breakfast is that one she loves that’s worse than sugar cubes. Then I wondered how you’re handling her teeth situation because she doesn’t like brushing her own teeth, but she needs to learn.” Rowan closed his eyes, ran a hand through his head and sighed. “Then I wondered if she had a tantrum, if you brushed her teeth for her, if she agreed to brush it herself. If she didn’t brush her teeth, will any of her classmates bully her for having bad breath? How would the teacher handle that?“

Rowan eyed the two women carefully studying him. Isn’t this obvious? This is how every parent’s mind works.

“So I decided to ask how brushing teeth went, otherwise next thing I know, I’m messing up my student’s reps because I’m pondering how many cavities I can afford to treat.”

Their therapist was nodding as she typed something on her computer. Aelin was looking so weirdly at him. It was a rare look, the one she wore now. It wasn’t anger, but didn’t look like pity as well. It made him want to take it all back.

“It seems like you’re constantly concerned over your kid.” He nodded, agreeing with the therapist. It isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a side effect of caring. She continued, “I think you’d benefit a lot from individual sessions, Rowan.”

“I’ll think about that.”

Yrene seemed satisfied with his answer, and he wondered if she knew he wouldn’t think about that. The amount of therapy he was currently getting was more than enough. In fact, he already felt drained from so much emotion talk. But then something clicked, and it made Rowan question his therapist’s methods even further.

“How come I’m the only one who needs more therapy? What about Aelin?”

The two women exchanged a look, and Aelin looked like she wanted the earth to swallow her whole. She took a deep breath and turned to him.

“I’m already doing individual sessions,” Aelin said as quietly as her cheeks were red.

Rowan froze for a moment with his mouth ajar, letting the words sink in.

“You’re in therapy!?”

“Well, it seems like you’re in it too!” She snapped, her index finger pointing around the office in a circle.

“No, this is different.” His mouth opened and closed. He still couldn’t believe Aelin hid this from him. “You should’ve told me that! Why didn’t you tell me—“

“Because I report to you about Maisie, not myself!”

“Still! Since when do you do therapy? What’s wrong with you?”

Yrene opened her mouth, but Rowan beat her to it.

“Respectfully. I’m respectfully asking what’s wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” she spit out with crossed arms, but her burning red cheeks betrayed her stance. “I first started right after my parents died, then stopped. Started again in high school. I just start, stay until I get discharged, then come back when I feel like it. A lot of people do that, Rowan. It’s actually a good thing.”

Rowan didn’t say a word, he just stared, hoping he wasn’t gaping too much, trying to grasp all this new information.

Aelin is in therapy.

He didn’t even know she was struggling.

She had to be, right? No matter how she played it down, people don’t seek a therapist just because. Especially with how much it costs.

Was he the least attentive, sloppiest co-parent in the world?

Rowan tried to remember the last time he asked Aelin how she was before demanding something about Maisie, but nothing came to mind.

Perhaps that’s why she hates him so much.

Aelin and Rowan stayed there, just staring at each other, a mix of emotion floating between their eyes. Yrene cleared her throat when silence stretched for too long.

“Our time’s almost up. I think there’s a lot of space for progress here, if you’re willing to give it a try.”

If their session made the doctor feel positive, Rowan didn’t want to know what kind of shit that woman sees on a daily basis.

“We are.” Aelin’s answer came fast. Rowan nodded in confirmation.

“Very good.” Yrene gave them a small smile. “From now on, when you interact between sessions, I want you to try communicating how you feel about things, especially the ones you disagree with. And taking a pause before reacting if you feel like shouting, that’s an important one. Can you give it a try?”

They both agreed.

Do the feelings thing. Pause when he gets pissed off. It’d be an adjustment, but if other people could do it, Rowan was capable as well.

“Good.” Yrene typed something and focused back on them. “Do you mind if I give you one more homework?”

“Sure…” Rowan trailed, realizing that therapy was starting to look a lot harder than just attending weekly sessions.

“I think it’ll be good for you two to have quality time together.”

“What.” Was the only thing that came out of Aelin’s mouth. Rowan was stiff as a board.

Their proximity was the whole reason they ended up here. Spending more time with each other sounds like another disaster waiting to happen.

“You see, having fun together is like a savings account in a family. When something bad happens, it softens the blow. It’ll also be good for Maisie, so she can see her parents getting along.”

“How much quality time are we talking about?” Aelin asked, frowning.

“Could be as little as one hour a week. But it’s important that you try and be kind to each other, even it feels forced, so we can start new patterns.”

Rowan chewed the inside of his cheek, mulling this.

By spending time together, they could practice these communication skills. They could also change the narrative in Maisie’s head, making her think her parents get along even though they don’t. It was actually genius. No wonder Dr. Towers has a PhD.

“We can do that.” Rowan could barely believe his own words, but that’s how desperate he was.

When his gaze swept toward Aelin, she looked as determined as he felt.

A/N: Whenever someone says writers post fanfic for free, remember the amount of time I used in my very expensive therapy sessions to discuss and gather tips for this fic!! I have no regrets, though 🤣

My tag list is a little glitchy, but you can also use my side blog to get notifications -> @backtobl4ck-fics

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attention to those who care! 😂

Twin Wounds will be on hiatus indefinitely - I’m so sorry 😭

BUT that is because my new fanfic will be posted soon!! I am going to be more careful with uploads, most likely once or twice a week! This means longer chapters and better quality ☺️

Here is the extremely too long name….

It Was Hot And It Was Summer And

For my Swifties in the comments - do you get the reference?

This fic will be a Rowaelin AU in the form of ✨single parents✨

That’s all I’ll say for now - have a great week loves!

♥️🌹

This is the first Chapter of my new fanfiction, It was Hot And It Was Summer And - or IWHAIWSA. This chapter is called Oh, Gods. It is a Rowaelin single parent AU, which I have really enjoyed as of late. I hope you all enjoy!

PS: I attempted to make a banner and I think I failed IM SORRYYY

Tag List <3: @backtobl4ck @aelinchocolatelover, @blue-bird17 and @renxzs! my lovely supporters ily <33333 (if you lwould like to be added just chat me/comment/reblog and say so! :D)

Warnings: Language and some light..heated...thinking 👀

Word Count: 2.3k

I hope you all enjoy!

...

“Oh Gods it’s hot,” Aelin complained, panting as she slowed to a stop. 

“C’mon mom!” Eve cried, pulling on her mother’s hand. At the age of six, the little girl was a bundle of energy and had no problem climbing the large, rocky in front of them in 100 degree weather. 

“Sweetie, don’t you want to go swim in the ocean?” Aelin tried not to show the pleading tone of her voice and she secretly crossed her fingers behind her back. No matter what she had paid for this trip, there was no way she was going to cross this mountain, her daughter agreeing or not. By the time they’d finish, it would be dark out. But it would be sure as hell a lot easier if Eve decided she would comply. 

Eve considered, her small tan face scrunching in completement. She looked up at her mother with her blue-gold eyes - the only thing she had in common with Aelin, as she took after her dad - and nodded eagerly, beaming. 

“Thank you, sweetie. Mom will buy you a popsicle.” Eve cheered and ran down the dirt road they’d trekked through to reach the mountain, disappearing behind the trees. 

“Wait for Mom!” Aelin called, and forced herself into a jog. She cursed as pants immediately wracked her body, trying miserably to keep pace with her small kid. If I was seven years younger, I would be able to do this, she thought sourly. It wasn’t like she was old - only twenty-eight, as Eve had been an unplanned baby. But although her face and body were young and beautiful - and they are, she thought with smug pride - her insides had decided years of physical training didn’t matter if you had a baby and took a break. 

Aelin slowed as she heard her daughter’s footsteps slow. The sound of Eve’s laughter sounded through the path and she couldn’t help the smile that broke across her face. No matter if Eve was a surprise - she was the best gift in Aelin’s life. 

Aelin rounded the corner and let out a semi-exasperated sigh. Eve was squealing as she played a schoolyard game with two small children. They were completely different in appearance and yet - there was something similar about them. One of the children, a young boy, had light brown skin and dark gray hair. His huge eyes were a deep brown and framed with big lashes anyone would be envious of. The other child was full of energy while her companion was shy - she had light skin and long black hair that reached the middle of her back. She had green eyes that gave a startling appearance to her young face. 

The three children looked up at Aelin as she neared them. “Mommy!” Eve flung her arms out to her mother and turned to her companions. “This is my mom.”

“Hi!” the girl giggled. “I’m Lilly an’ this is my little brother Henri.” Henri gave Aelin a small smile and a wave, and Lilly flung her arms around her brother. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Aelin smiled down at the adorable pair. She looked around the path and found no sign of an adult present. “Where is your parent?” 

“Our dad was behind us but he couldn’t keep up,” Lilly stated matter-of-factly. Aelin laughed - it seemed like the father of these two was very similar to her. 

As if on cue, the sound of panting and footsteps reached their ears and the group turned to see a man jogging through the trees toward them. 

Oh, Gods. 

Of course this man was the hottest being Aelin had ever seen. His bronze skin shone in the sun and his swim trunks and gray tank top didn’t do much to hide his muscular arms and legs. As he neared the group, Aelin could see he had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. They were a stunning shade of green, and they swept over her as he finally slowed to a halt.

“Hello,” he said, giving them a small smile. His voice had a small lilt to the end, some accent Aelin couldn't place. He’s probably from Sexytown. I’ve heard that’s a nice little place. 

The man looked down at his children disapprovingly. “I told you guys not to run away from me.” Lilly grinned up at him and Henri hugged his father’s leg. 

Chuckling, the man looked back up at Aelin and his eyes widened slightly and only for a second, as if only seeing her just then. He stuck out a hand that Aelin shook - it was warm and strong. That’s just his hand. What about his- Aelin shoved away the thoughts forming in her mind. 

“I’m Rowan.” Rowan. The name rang through her and she struggled to remember her own. 

“I’m Aelin. It looks like your kiddos have met my daughter, Eve.” The words came easier than she thought, and she remembered to smile down at Eve and ruffle her brown hair. 

“Yep, seems like they’re already close friends.” Rowan looked down at the children, who were now playing a game of tag, his face soft. A not-so-small part of Aelin wanted him to look at her that way. All the time. 

“We might be spending some more time together,” Aelin laughed. Rowan gave a slight smile, and his eyes looked over her again. His eyes seemed to see all the way through her, and she felt utterly exposed under his gaze. She drew in a shaky breath as his eyes finally met hers again, the air between them electric. 

Aelin didn’t know how long they stood there, staring at each other in some kind of sexy adult staring contest, before Eve broke the silence by tugging on her mother’s arm and pleading, “Can Lilly and Henri go with us to the ocean? Puh-lease?” 

Aelin cleared her throat and tried to calm her racing heart. “Uhm, well, it’s up to Ro-Mr. Rowan, here.” 

She could have sworn Rowan’s eyes darkened at her calling him that before his face went blank. “Of course,” he said smoothly. “Henri, do you want to go?”

The small, shy boy nodded eagerly, looking up adoringly at his father. “Well, they both have their swimsuits on, so we could just walk there together,” Rowan continued. 

“Sounds like a plan.”

___

Oh, Gods. 

Twenty minutes later, Aelin was sitting on a towel making a sandcastle with her daughter and she was doused in sweat. 

It wasn’t fair - why, when she had just wanted a chill vacation, did there have to be a man-god living at the resort at the same exact time? She tried to not look at him, because every time she did her eyes couldn’t help darting to his insanely ripped upper torso. Especially as it was now gleaming with seawater from his quick lap around the beach. He was sitting on a towel next to her, quietly watching his children as Lilly and Henri hauled water up from the beach to aid Eve’s sandcastle construction. 

“Mommy, you look really hot,” Eve observed, looking up at her mother from the brim of her massive yellow sun hat - that a certain dad had decided was perfectly suit for a six year old - and frowned. 

“Aw, thank you, sweetie,” Aelin smiled down at her daughter. Eve could be so sweet sometimes, giving her these random compliments-

“No, I mean that you look like you’re overheating,” Eve clarified, her frown growing deeper. “I learned about it in class and you have all the - the uh, the seemptoms.” She began to list off the symptoms on her fingers. “You’re flushed, sweaty, your eyes look far away, you keep looking sideways-”

“Okay,” Aelin nearly shouted. She felt like her face was on fire and she risked a glance toward Rowan - who was shaking with silent laughter, his eyes dancing. “Oh my Gods, Eve,” she moaned, mortified. 

“You should go into the water,” Lilly chimed in. “It will cool you down.” 

“Yeah!” Eve agreed, giving her new friend a beam. “Go on Mommy! I don’t need your help with the sandcastle anymore, I promise.”

“Well, I still have to watch you, honey,” Aelin reminded her daughter, gulping down some water in the desperate hope that her daughter would just leave it alone. 

“I can watch them,” Rowan suggested. He had moved closer to their towel and was looking at Aelin mischievously, his lips pulled into a mocking smile. 

Aelin closed her eyes and sighed through her nose for a brief instant before making up her mind. It was her vacation too, dammit. “Oh, alright,” she gave in. Eve and Lilly squealed. “For thirty minutes. Rowan, make sure they stay out of trouble.”

Rowan gave her a salute and she rolled her eyes, smiling. She pulled off her sundress in one motion, revealing her swimsuit - she’d bought it on sale at Target, but it looked designer - and walked down the broiling sand to the water. She might have strutted a little. Maybe. 

She glanced behind one single time - to find Rowan’s gaze trained on her, eyes drinking all of her in. 

↜↝

Oh, Gods. 

Rowan clenched his jaw as he watched that damned woman saunter down to the beach, her hips swaying with every step. She had driven him crazy before, but in that damn red bikini? He was dead. 

“Dad, can you go get us some water?” Lilly asked him, interrupting his reverie. He glanced over to his children, who were now making a “sandtown” with Eve. 

“Weren’t you guys just doing that?” Rowan raised an eyebrow. He felt his gaze dart over to Aelin again, who was stepping into the water. The setting sun reflected off the ocean, painting her tan skin into a beautiful golden. 

“Yeah, but now we are doing something else!” Lilly cried, already getting upset. Henri looked up at Rowan pleadingly, widening his eyes. Rowan heaved a sigh and stood up, grabbing the bucket.

It only occurred to him halfway down the beach that now he would be nearly next to Aelin, who had specifically told him to watch the kids. He cursed and made to turn, but found three pairs of eyes pinned on him menacingly. 

He reached the waves and edged in slowly, the icy bite lapping against his heels. Aelin, who was waist deep in the water, turned to him. He was struck again by her brilliant beauty. Her adorable button nose, her perfect symmetrical face, and most of all her exquisite eyes. He’d never seen anything like it - they were the most beautiful shade of blue, pure like the Hawaiian water they were standing in. But the part that made them special was the ring of gold around her pupils - gold like flames. 

“I thought you were watching the kids,” Aelin said, raising an eyebrow. Her lips curved into a smile. Rowan wanted to kiss it. 

He gestured to the bucket in his hand and abruptly bent down to fill it with the water rushing into it. He felt Aelin’s eyes on him as he stood up. “Uhm. They wanted water,” he said dumbly. 

Aelin laughed, a beautiful, joyful sound. “I bet they did. You okay, Rowan?”

At the sound of his name on her lips he wanted to hug her tightly to him and his body even moved an inch closer before he clenched his fists to his sides. Aelin tracked every movement and shrugged, backing further into the water. He watched, jaw clenched, as she tipped her head back and ran her fingers through her hair, giving him a full view of her jaw and beautiful neck and collarbone. The dusky sky behind her made her look like an angel. 

“They’ll be wanting this,” Rowan said weakly, and forced himself to turn and walk back up the white sand to their spot. Every single part of him wanted to stay and ravish her in the water - but that was nowhere near appropriate. He was a father and she was a mother and their kids were literally feet away from them, playing. His behavior was unacceptable - and Lyria would think so too, he grumbled mentally. 

“I got the water,” he announced as he reached the towels, holding the bucket high over his head in triumph. He was imitating the motion from the Lion King, Henri’s favorite movie, and the action wasn’t missed by his son, whose eyes sparkled with delight. The children let out a cheer and Rowan squatted to help them build the sandtown. 

__

Rowan was pretty sure he was completely sunburned but he would rather be fried to a crisp than never see Aelin in that bikini again. 

After exchanging numbers - for the kids, he told himself - the two families had parted ways. Thankfully Henri and Lilly were exhausted after a very exciting afternoon and they retired to their large hotel room. 

Buying a vacation at a luxury resort in Hawaii hadn’t been cheap - in fact, it had taken years to save up for this - but Rowan thanked the gods he’d booked it. He, and the kids, had needed this break after all the drama of the past two years. 

After a dinner of PB&Js and Sofia the First, the kids went down to sleep fairly easily and Rowan slumped on the couch and turned on a random show. He didn’t follow the show, a mediocre sitcom, but he was comforted by the mindless dialogue. Suddenly, his phone dinged. Picking it up, he saw the ID and jolted upward. 

Aelin: Hey, this is Aelin 

Rowan: Hello, I’m Rowan

Aelin: I know 

Aelin: 😆

Rowan cursed. He sounded like an idiot. 

Aelin: Eve has been talking about Lilly + Henri since we left so I had to text

Rowan: Haha yep pretty much the same here

Rowan: What hotel are you staying in? Maybe we can meet up sometime tomorrow

Aelin: I’m staying at the Oceanside View Hotel

Rowan: Oh that’s ours as well!

Aelin: No way! I’m room 4A

Rowan froze. There was absolutely no way, no way in hell.

Rowan: Seriously?

Aelin: haha, yup!

Rowan: ..we’re in room 4B

You Don't Always Have to Watch Them - IWHAIWSA Chapter 2

Hello everyone! I was originally going to wait until Thursday to post this chapter, but I'm having a pretty crappy Monday and wanted to get this out there. It brings me joy to read other's fanfics and I wondered if this would brighten people's day - plus, I love the validation I get from the comments XD. To everyone struggling with work and most of all school like I am, I sympathize and remember - summer is almost here! I had multiple huge tests today - and this whole week - so good luck to all those who have the same :)

Word Count: 2.7k (it's a long one!)

Warnings: Light Smut, Language

Tag List <3 : @backtobl4ck, @blue-bird17, @renxzs, and @aelinchocolatelover. These are my amazing wonderful tag listers - just let me know if you'd like to be added!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter <333333 Have an amazing Monday!!

___

Only the intense sunlight streaming in through the bay windows managed to wake Aelin up at 8 in the morning. She groaned and rolled over, tugging her sheets over her head as her mind began to register. With a start, she sat up as she remembered the events of the previous day. 

There was an extremely hot man living literally right next door who was the father to her daughter’s new best friends. No biggie. Not a big deal. 

“Gods,” she muttered as she hopped out of bed. No use trying to sleep now. She crept across her room to her bathroom, careful not to wake Eve, and switched on the lights. Blinking at the harshness of it, she stared at herself in the mirror. She sported purple smudges, bedhead, and red splotches on her cheek from where the pillow was. Great. 

After a quick shower, Aelin brushed her hair back into a braid and pulled on her swimsuit before slipping into her favorite sundress - a perfect sky blue dress that was tight on her chest and waist and ended with a flowy skirt. She spritzed on some of her Gucci perfume - the perfume Eve liked to call “Mommy’s fancy scent” because she so rarely used it - in the scent of “lemon verbena”.  Some mascara and subtle lipstick and she was ready for the day. 

There was no reason why Aelin was getting so fancy and dressed up. Not at all. “And it doesn’t,” she scolded herself in the mirror, “have to do with Eve’s playdate later.” 

__

“Mommy, I want a popsicle,” Eve whined, dragging her feet through the hallway. She was in her swimsuit all geared up for a breakfast at the pool in her purple swimsuit and floaties, googles plastered to her head. She looked absolutely adorable, and Aelin’s heart strained every time she looked at her daughter. 

“Sweetie, can I get a picture, please?” Aelin asked, choosing to ignore her kid’s earlier request. Eve frowned and shook her head, stamping her foot. “Please, Eve. Just one for Dad?”

Aelin tried not to let her hurt show as Eve’s face lit up and she beamed, posing in the hallway. She snapped a quick photo and sent it to Sam before tucking the phone in her tote bag and continuing down the hall. 

“You can’t have a popsicle, but there will be pancakes at breakfast.” Aelin took her daughter’s small, slightly sticky hand and smiled down at Eve. “And we’ll have ice cream later.”

“Thank you Mommy,” Eve squealed, giving her mother a side hug. 

They reached the pool and Aelin sighed with delight at the sight of the pristine resort, facing a view of the ocean far below. The pool was massive, with a diving board and water slides, and the area was decorated with picnic tables decked with food. Families milled about, adults chatting as they ate and kids playing happily in the pool.

“Isn’t this just beautifu-” Aelin’s statement was interrupted by Eve’s screech of delight and she watched with alarm as her daughter raced through the crowd, arms flung out to see-

Lilly and Henri, running toward her with beams on their faces, and Rowan, following close behind with a focused expression on his face as he struggled to keep up with his kids. At the sight of him, her heart dropped - and when he noticed her, his face went slack. She forced a smile on her face and walked toward them. 

“I thought we weren’t seeing you until this afternoon!” she greeted the family - or rather, Rowan, who was the only one listening. The kids had already headed toward the mountains of food in the corner. 

“Guess we had the same idea.” Rowan’s gaze flicked between her lips and back to her eyes and Aelin felt her heartbeat grow faster. She took a short breath and cleared her throat, motioning toward the pool. 

“Are you going to swim?”

“If the kids are, yeah.” 

Aelin raised an eyebrow. “Rowan. You do realize that there are like five lifeguards on their shift right now? You don’t have to constantly watch them.”

Something flickered behind his beautiful eyes. “It’s fine. It makes me feel better.” 

“Well…,” Aelin began, stepping closer. “While the kids eat we could swim. They’re fine and safe out of the water, right?”

“Depends on who you ask,” Rowan snorted, but when Aelin took one step closer he nodded. “Alright. Let’s swim.” 

__

Aelin had never felt more scandalous as the moment she pulled off her sundress to reveal her swimsuit, the same one from yesterday. It wasn’t skimpy - she wouldn’t wear that with her kid present - but it was very flattering on her figure. She locked eyes with Rowan as she stepped out of her flip-flops and he pulled off his shirt. An image flashed before her of him doing the exact same thing later, but they were alone with no kids, no adults. In a bedroom. 

“Do you think the water will be cold?” Rowan asked as they neared the pool. 

“I kind of hope so,” Aelin laughed, shading her eyes from the hot morning sun beating down on them. 

They neared the deep end and paused there, waiting to see what the other would do. “Are you going to go in, or just stand there all day?” she teased. Rowan gave her a challenging grin that made her want to blush like a teenager and she watched in delight as he took two steps back and then made a running dive into the pool. 

She clapped her hands, laughing as he came up. His hair was plastered to his face and he swept it back, motioning with a hand for her to come into the pool. “Oh Gods no,” she said breathlessly. He raised an eyebrow and climbed up the ladder again. She watched, confused, as he walked over to her, dripping water, and grabbed her arm. 

Even soaking wet, his hand was warm and she hoped he couldn’t feel her pulse jump under his grasp. She took shallow breaths as he pulled her to him, maintaining intense eye contact as he gently pulled her forward, forward - 

Before she knew it, Aelin had plunged into the icy pool, Rowan’s hand remaining steady on her arm. She squealed like a child and felt her feet hit the bottom. Forcing her eyes open, she saw Rowan counting down with his hands. At his signal, they both pushed off and shot up into the air. 

Aelin couldn’t breath from her laughter, and to her delight Rowan was hooting loudly, his face lit into brilliancy with joy and humor. He was so beautiful like that he took her breath away, and she didn’t have control over her body as she leaned forward and -

Fuck, fuck! Her high was wearing off and she couldn’t kiss him but her movement had been obvious and Rowan was surveying her, wide-eyed. In the split second she had to decide, she lifted up her head and pressed her lips to his forehead. His skin was warm under her lips, and her eyes may or may not have closed briefly before she pulled back. 

Rowan was watching her, his eyes darkening, and she felt his hands on her shoulders tense, saw his whole body tense.  As if a nightmare, he released her and slowly swam away, toward the ladder. Aelin watched him go, toward his children, before sinking underwater, the sting of rejection and mortification overwhelming her. She squeezed her eyes shut as the tears threatened to fall before pushing up again, determined to keep her head high and go take care of her daughter. 

↜↝

Two crying kids were just what Rowan needed to solidify this absolutely perfect day. Apparently Lilly and Henri were so upset over being “torn away” from Eve they took it upon themselves to cry hysterically as Rowan dragged them to the playground. Now that they had finally calmed down, he watched them from a bench as they played tag with the other kids at the playground. 

His jaw was clenched so tight he was sure his teeth were going to fall out as his mind replayed the dreaded event over and over again. He was such a fucking idiot. The most dazzling woman he’d ever seen had kissed him - on the forehead, but whatever - and he’d gaped at her like an idiot and then swam away. 

It didn’t even register in his mind that Aelin hadn’t kissed him on the mouth - her lips had sent such shocks of electricity through him that she might as well have. But in the moment, when he felt like he could collapse, Lyria and the events of the past two years had flashed through his mind and he couldn’t help his horror. 

Rowan couldn’t, wouldn’t, go through what he had with Lyria again - for his heart, yes, but mostly for his children. Their divorce had been so ugly, and the events before that so miserable, he was sure Henri and Lilly were scarred for life. 

As if on cue, his phone erupted with a call from his ex-wife, her smiling profile filling the screen. He glared down at his phone, debating whether or not to answer, before finally picking up. It’d be more trouble than it was worth. 

“Hello?” Rowan felt his stomach drop at the sound of her voice in his ear - sweet like honey, just as he’d fallen in love with her ten years ago at twenty. 

“What do you want,” he gritted out.

“C’mon, honey. I just want to talk to them. Give me five minutes, I promise I’ll-”

“You’ll what? Convince them to come visit you and make me give up this vacation to go watch them?”

He could feel Lyria’s leash slip and her annoyance filled her voice. “Gods, you don’t need to watch them all the fucking time when they’re with me! I’m their gods-damned mother!”

“Based on the way you treated me in the seven years we were married, I’d say I have pretty good reason to watch them,” Rowan snarled. All the events of the day caught up to him and he began pacing around the bench. 

“Oh my fucking Gods. You’re just mad because I’m the only woman who ever thought you weren’t perfect and I told you so and so you’re pissed-”

“Fucking tearing me down every day in front of my children and slapping me during fights is what happened. Not the gaslighting shit you spun for the judge. Save it.”

“Look, my prison time is almost up and then I’ll be on parole. If you’d just-”

At her words, Rowan’s head and stomach emptied out. Lyria would be out of prison soon - on parole? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

“I’m not listening to this shit. I’m going back to my vacation with my children, whom you have no right to see.” Rowan near-shouted, hanging up the phone. He threw it onto the ground forcefully, blowing out a breath of relief as it bounced harmlessly off of some moss. 

He turned again toward his children, who were obliviously playing hide-and-seek. Collapsing onto the bench, he closed his eyes and focused again on the static electricity from before. 

__

Rowan: I’m sorry. I had a really toxic ex-wife and I just got reminded of it. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m a bad person. 

Aelin: *typing*

Aelin: It’s ok

Aelin: I shouldn’t have violated that. It’s not what I’m trying to teach Eve. I need to respect personal space

Rowan: Well if that’s the case I’ve been not…great in that department either haha

Aelin: oh?

Aelin: I don’t remember that, mr. perfect. When was this shocking event?

Rowan: *typing*

Rowan: earlier. When I grabbed you at the pool. 

Aelin: *typing*

Aelin: That’s alright. I liked it

Aelin: i liked it a lot haha

Rowan: *typing*

Rowan: and I liked everything that happened after that. 

↜↝

Aelin stared down at her phone screen. It was ten pm and Eve was long asleep, leaving Aelin sitting alone in her room watching YouTube, before Rowan had texted. Now, they were engaged in a very steamy phone conversation. 

She leaned against the cool wall, breathing deep, knowing that he was on the other side of the plywood. Her phone dinged and she eagerly looked down - and let out an involuntary groan. 

Rowan had sent her the world’s most adorable picture - a selfie of him in a large hoodie, giving the camera a thumbs-up and tired smile. Henri and Lilly were sleeping on either side of him, covered in blankets. 

Aelin felt her mind overload with the absolute cuteness of it and without thinking she saved the photo to her phone. For his profile picture, she told herself. 

Well, now she had to send him one back. She frowned down at herself - her hair was unbrushed and she was in sweats, but oh well. She held up her phone camera and threw a thumbs-up - as he had - at the camera, pouting her lips in a cute expression. 

Aelin: *attached image*

Aelin: my kid is in her room so i’m alone and not as cute but

Rowan: you’re adorable 

Aelin: i know 

Rowan: of course you do

Aelin: 😘

↜↝

Aelin was the most gods-damned beautiful woman Rowan had ever seen. He peered down at the photo she’d sent, eyes drinking in her allure. Even dressed down, she was breathtaking. 

He looked down at his children and slowly stood up, carrying them to their rooms. He stood there in the small living room for half a second before making up his mind. 

Meet me in the hallway, he texted Aelin before rushing toward the door. Before lurching it open like he longed to do, he checked his reflection in his phone camera. He looked tired and his hair was a mess, but - too late now. 

He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. Aelin had read the message, and he could hear her footsteps from their room. His heart was in his throat as Aelin opened the door, walking toward him. In sweatpants and a hoodie, she looked as stunning as in her bikini. 

“Rowan?” she breathed, eyes wide. Rowan knew his eyes were probably nearly black but he couldn’t help himself as he reached around Aelin and shut both of their room doors. Aelin tracked every movement and pivoted her whole body to face him as he drew closer. 

“Aelin,” he began. His voice failed him and he gazed into the eyes of a goddess, trying to convey what he wanted. From what happened next, he was pretty sure she had gotten the message. 

Aelin drew in a sharp breath and slid her hand up his arm, leaving hot fire in its wake. Her hand slid up, up until she was cupping his cheek. Rowan leaned into it, not breaking her gaze. Aelin’s eyes were almost heavy-lidded now, and she took her other hand to pull Rowan to her. 

Rowan felt her lean into him, but he stood just taller than her that her nose bumped his jawline. He closed his eyes as he felt her press kisses along his jaw, taunting. She looked up at him with those damn eyes, and that’s when his control broke. 

With a snarl, he gripped her chin and drew his lips to hers, relief filling him as she tightened her hold against his neck. Without breaking the kiss, he turned so she was up against the wall, leaving her to his mercy. Aelin opened her mouth to him and he stifled a groan as their tongues brushed. 

Rowan moved his hands under her sweatshirt, finding with delight there was nothing but bare skin under it. He broke the kiss and pressed his lips to her neck, his hands stroking her waist, her sharp breaths like a melody. She plunged her hands into his hair, running her fingers through it, and there was nothing, nobody like her, and her scent was filling his nose and he was going to explode and -

Aelin froze and Rowan stiffened too as they both heard the sound of children’s footsteps. Hissing, Aelin moved away from him and swiftly moved back into her room. He felt the loss of her heat like someone had dumped a bucket of ice-cold water on him, but he just gritted his teeth and walked back into his room, locking the door behind him.

Twin Wounds Chapter 7

Don't hate me!! I know it's been a while since Twin Wounds have been updated but I was kind of at a loss for what to write. Then I started my new fanfic and I got inspo for this one lol

Warnings: Language, Verbal Abuse/Manipulation, Mentions of Eating Disorders

Word Count: 1.3k

Tag List <3: @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @blue-bird17, @renxzs, and new member *drumroll*...@autumnbabylon! tysm <3

Okay, I hope you enjoy this episode! IWHAIWSA update coming soon :D

__

Three weeks after Aelin arrived at the Center, Rowan had only just seen her eat more than a small portion of food. 

He watched her eat - slowly but surely - a tray of mashed potatoes and fried chicken. Honestly, it looked pretty terrible, but he was just happy to see her eating. 

“This is amazing,” Eillia breathed beside him. As the nurse mainly stationed to Aelin, she’d voiced her concerns on Aelin’s food intake over these few weeks. After scheduling Aelin for some physical activities, she was finally hungry enough to eat. 

“You were right. Thank you, Rowan.” Eillia’s eyes were wet as she turned to the therapist, squeezing his arm. Rowan’s calculations had been correct - Aelin wasn’t trying to starve herself, she just didn’t have an appetite. After enough physical strain, she would finally regain that. 

“But - how did you know this wasn’t a case of an ED?” the nurse asked, frowning. 

Rowan looked at the beautiful woman sipping from a milk carton and smiled slightly. “I once felt that way.” 

___

“I cannot believe you,” Aelin grumbled into the phone. Her cousin’s laugh sounded through the receiver, and she glared at the wall.

Aedion still hadn’t picked her up, no matter that he’d said two weeks here and she’d be done. His feeble excuse, made a week ago, still rang in her mind - “I’m sorry, Ae. I just…you sound so much better. A few more weeks? Please?”

“Chill, cousin.” Aelin couldn’t help but smile faintly at the sound of laughter in her cousin’s voice. She hadn’t heard that - at least around her - in a year. “I’m coming to visit tomorrow.”

Aelin almost dropped the phone. “What?? You are?” 

“Yeah, I figured I’d drop by.”

Her joy over her cousin coming was quickly replaced with anger. “What, so you could’ve come to visit me this whole time and you just decided not to? What the fuck??”

Aedion gave a long-suffering sigh that made Aelin grind her teeth. “Yes, I could’ve, but I wanted you to adjust - give you time to make some friends.”

“I’m not your fucking kid, Aedion. I don’t need your help making friends!” 

“Well, it’s also a long drive away from my house!”

“Ah yes, one long suffering hour away from your fucking mansion. I guess one hour is too far to see your cousin who is fucking stuck in a rehab center!”

“Alright, cool it on the cursing.” Aelin snorted - he was one to talk. “I’m sorry. It was shitty. But I’m excited to see you?”

The nervousness of the last sentence made her heart soften - ever so slightly - and she loosed a breath and leaned against the wall. “Yeah, okay. That’ll be nice. And by the way…I have made some friends.” 

“Oh? Who?”

“Well, I go everywhere with my therapy group - like we go to lunch together, yoga, outside and shit. So it’s kind of hard to not..make friends. I’m closest to these two women, Lysandra and Elide. Selmer and Luca are both nice but they mostly hang out with Tiela, who…kind of hates me.”

“Why - do I even want to know?”

“Shut up, asshat.” Aedion laughed, and Aelin smiled too. Time to give her cousin all of the pretty little details. 

___

“How are things with Remelle?” 

Rowan shot his friend a look. Lorcan was deadlifting 500 pounds, and he gave a dark grin, his face red from exertion. 

“Fine,” Rowan gritted out. He was rowing 3,000 meters on the rowing machine, an exhausting workout. 

“Who is Remelle?” Fenrys gasped with delight. He had finished his workout and was stretching in the corner. The three men were in their usual spot at their gym that everyone knew was theirs. Even the strongest clients didn’t use their claimed spots. 

“This bitch Rowan’s sleeping with,” Lorcan informed him, doing another set of lifting. 

Rowan paused his rowing and glared at him. “That’s such a terrible thing to say, first of all. Don’t say bitch when describing a woman, please.” 

“Yeah, that’s lame, man,” Fenrys echoed, frowning. Lorcan shrugged, keeping his eyes over their heads. “Rowan, you give me the details.” 

Rowan sighed and glanced at his meter: 2,834 miles. That would have to do. He walked over to a bench, legs trembling, and collapsed. After gulping down some water, he began to fill Fenrys in. 

After he was done, Fenrys looked disturbed, not delighted like he usually was. “Rowan, my dude,” he began. “This girl sounds..not great.”

“Ah-ha! That’s what I said!” Lorcan near-shouted, grinning. He had finished his workout and was currently unloading the weights from his bar. 

Rowan pinched the bridge of his nose. Lorcan he didn’t care about, but Fenrys? The man knew how a woman’s mind worked, a skill Rowan wished he acquired himself. “Is she really that bad?” he asked weakly, hating the babish pain in his voice. 

His friends must have heard it too, as their faces softened and they sat on either side of him. “Look,” Fenrys began, then hesitated. “I know you’ve only had short flings since..”

Rowan felt his stomach empty out and a small ringing sound began screaming in his ear. He could feel his hands tremble and he squeezed them together, trying to focus on Fenrys’ words.

“...since, you know. And that’s totally fine - they were harmless. But this? This doesn’t feel good for you, for your health and your wallet.” 

Rowan looked at his friends and nodded slowly. “All right. I’ll break it off.” 

___

Me: Hey, can we talk?

Remelle: my shift isn’t over for 3 hrs can u just text? 

Me: I can wait

Me: That sounded weird I’m not going to kill you it’s just important

Remelle: k c u there babes. Kisses

Me: Uh, kisses

Remelle: old man lmao

___

It was eleven at night, and Rowan was pacing in a deserted parking lot. Not the way he wanted to spend the night, but oh well. 

He loosed a sigh of relief as he spotted Remelle strutting toward him, in her usual outfit. She giggled when she saw him, skipping up to him and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Hi muscles,” she said sweetly, batting her lashes. “What brings you here this fine evening?”

Rowan attempted a smile - but from Remelle’s expression, it was probably more of a grimace. “I wanted to talk.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Well, obvi. What’s up?”

Rowan hesitated. He fucking hated this part. “I..I don’t think this is working.”

Remelle sucked in a sharp breath and took a step back from him. He didn’t dare look up to see her expression, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he hastily continued. “I-I really do like you but I don’t think this relationship is healthy for either of us-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Remelle interrupted. “Relationship?” She let out a laugh. “Oh my Gods, who told you that we’re in a relationship? This was nothing more than release for me.” 

Rowan felt mortification burn through him. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. I just, I don’t think me giving you money is appropriate-”

“Oh my fucking Gods!” Remelle’s voice was shrill. “I’m a student! You’ve got a ton of money - honestly, that’s really shitty of you to say that. You think because you’ve given me money you own me?” 

Rowan coughed, his face burning, and he started as Remelle grabbed his face and forced him to meet her gaze. Her face was twisted with hate, and he felt his chest grow tight as her grip on his face tightened to the point of pain. “You,” she snarled, drawing her nails down his cheeks, “are such a piece of shit.”

“I-I know…I’m so sorry.” He felt nothing but shame now, shame and misery and she held him in a chokehold. At his words, she released him and he wheeled back. 

“It’s okay, Muscles. I forgive you,” she said sweetly, the beauty returning to her face. He felt relief at her words; She forgave me. It’s okay, she’s not mad anymore. 

Remelle hugged him, kissing him deeply. “C’mon. Let’s go find your car.” 

Lovebite - IWHAIWSA Chapter 3

Heyyyy here's another chapter for you! It's currently Thursday but I think this should be posted on Friday. The day you are seeing this is my last day of school and I'm very excited!

I hope you all are enjoying this series! I'm very proud of myself because these chapters are longer and I have a couple already written and ready to post. I also am keeping up Twin Wounds, so I'm just doing it all XD

Next week is the start of my summer vacation, but it shouldn't affect the upload schedule too much, but there's always that warning.

Thank you all for your support <3

Warnings: Language, Light Smut

Word Count: 1.7k

Tag List <3: @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @renxzs, @blue-bird17, and @autumnbabylon! Thanks for your support <33333

enjoyyyyy!!! :D

__

“You made out with a stranger who is Eve’s best friends’ dad?” Lysandra gasped with delight. 

Aelin glared at her reflection as if it were Lysandra’s face, forcefully massaging her face with sunscreen. “We didn’t make out. It was one kiss.” 

“One very hot kiss, it seems,” her friend giggled. “I mean, he seems amazing. Do you have pics?”

“Uhm, yes,” Aelin confessed. “He sent me a selfie and I may or may not have downloaded it to my phone.” 

“Oh my Gods!” Aelin winced as her friend’s squeal filled the air - loud and proud, even on speakerphone. “Please tell me it was, like, a shirtless selfie. Or no, no, a mirror shot! No - both!” 

“It was a selfie with him and his kids,” Aelin said matter-of-factly. She dotted concealer under her eyes and surveyed herself in the mirror, checking for any blemishes, and-

“Oh my fucking Gods.” 

“What? What is it?” Lysandra squawked, but Aelin was too busy gaping in horror at the purple spot on her neck. 

“I have a damn hickey!” Aelin wailed, then clamped a hand to her mouth. Eve was watching Spongebob, but you could never be too sure with her. 

“Holy shit, this just keeps getting better and better!”

“Not if you’re living it!” Aelin protested, frantically dabbing concealer onto the very obvious love bite on her neck. 

“Can I see? Send a photo!” 

“Uh, no. It’s, like…very obvious.”

“Gods, how much did he kiss you?”

“I have no idea,” Aelin sighed. Luckily, the mark was covered. She sprayed setting spray onto her neck and prayed that her concealer would stick. 

↜↝

Rowan woke up in the morning with two screaming children, a messy kitchen, and a happy heart. 

He replayed the kiss over and over again in his mind, painting it golden. Even when Lilly knocked over her glass of OJ, he just smiled and wiped it up with a wet paper towel. 

The kids wanted to go to the pool and as they reached it, Rowan found himself searching the room for a certain mother. Unfortunately Aelin wasn’t there, and Rowan settled himself into a pool chair with a sigh, watching his children splash around in the shallow end. 

Rowan: Hey

Aelin: Hello good sir

Aelin: how are you 

Rowan: Good, the kids are at the pool today. 

He hesitated before deciding to go for it. 

Rowan: Wish you were here though. 

Aelin: *typing*

Aelin: 💗

__

“Can we hang out with Eve today, Dad? Please?” 

Rowan looked at his children, pleading up at him. Hold your ground, he thought. Hold it, hold it, hold-

“I’ll text her mom.” 

An hour later, Rowan was smiling faintly to himself as Aelin and Eve descended across the parking lot to the playground. Eve ran toward Henri and Lilly and the three immediately skipped to the playground, giggling. Rowan took a deep breath as Aelin walked up to him, reminding himself to calm down. 

She looked amazing as usual in a simple white crop top and a vibrant, flowing green skirt. Stylish sunglasses rested on her head and her golden hair was tucked into a braid. Her top and skirt proudly displayed her muscled shoulders, arms and legs and he enjoyed the view  - of those and other beautiful parts of her - before snapping his eyes up to her. 

“Hello,” she said, a serpine’s smile curving on her lips. She walked up close to him and placed a warm hand on his arm, the only thing separating their skin the thin fabric of his T-shirt. 

“Hey.” Rowan’s voice was lower than usual, and he had eyes only for Aelin as she leaned in to whisper something in his ear. His eyes closed briefly as he felt her hot breath on his skin, wanting it everywhere- 

“You may or may not have given me a hickey.”

With a start, Rowan broke from his reveries and whipped his head around to gape at Aelin. Her eyes were dancing and her grin stretched wider as she tapped a finger against her neck. “I guess you were kissing me a bit too hard.”

“I-Gods, Aelin, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking-”

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Her clear laughter rang through the air, making Rowan smile. He couldn’t help it. “It’s funny. I did have a bit of a panic attack this morning, though. That’s why we didn’t go to the pool.” 

Rowan laughed. “What did Eve have to say about that?”

She shrugged. “She was great - we went on a little trail. What about you guys?”

“The pool and now this, after they begged all morning. It’s honestly adorable how much the kids love Eve already.” 

Aelin beamed, and he knew as a parent she was proud. “I’m afraid I’m just as bad about a certain father.”

↜↝

Rowan was so handsome she couldn’t stand it, and the urges to grab his hand, touch his shoulder, just to be near him, overcame Aelin as their families went to get Hawaiian Ice. The way he was with his kids did nothing but melt her heart, and Eve’s obvious adoration of the Whitethorn kids was the cherry on top. 

Soon the sun was setting, and they walked through the resort admiring the beautiful dusk sky. The children were skipping ahead of Rowan and Aelin while they hung back, talking softly, when Eve rounded and walked back to her mother. 

“Mommy, Lilly and Henri said that we could come over and have a sleepover!” she squeaked, excitement lit up in her blue-gold eyes. Her face was flushed and strands of her hair were poking up from her head. She looked insane, and Aelin had never loved anything more. 

“Did they really? Well unfortunately it’s not up to them,” Aelin reminded her daughter gently, praying this wouldn’t get awkward. To her dismay, Eve’s face crumpled and she slumped, practically dragging her feet as she walked back over to her friends. The two parents watched as her daughter informed the other kids of the incident and they immediately whirled around, protest lining their faces. 

“Please, Dad? C’mon, we want Eve to sleep over!” Lilly cried, hanging onto Rowan’s hand. Henri grabbed his other and looked up at his father pleadingly. 

Aelin cringed and turned to her companion, opening her mouth to apologize, when he said; “If Aelin is okay with it, I’m happy to have them over.” 

The children stared at him for a second and then erupted, cheering. They were so busy celebrating they didn’t notice the word change; them - but Aelin did. 

“Them?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. Rowan looked sheepish and he shrugged. 

“I mean, why not? You could…sleep over.”

__

I have no self-control, she thought to herself as she carried Eve’s sheets and pillows into Rowan’s room. Apparently they were all having a joint sleepover - the kids would sleep in Lilly’s room, and Aelin - well, Aelin didn’t know where she would sleep yet. That hadn’t been decided. 

After Aelin and Eve brought their stuff over to the room, they settled down at the dinner table for a dinner of steaming pasta. Aelin was pleasantly surprised at Rowan’s cooking skill, and she said as much.

“Thanks,” he said, biting down a smile. “I’m sure you are too.”

At his words, Eve let out a laugh. Aelin flushed as her daughter exclaimed; “Mommy is a terrible cook! She once tried to make brownies for my school bake sale an’ they were goopy an’ my friend Marianne got food poisoning! Daddy always did all the cooking-”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Aelin interrupted her daughter before she could ruin her chances forever. As she glanced toward Rowan, she found his amused expression frozen, his eyes like chips of ice. She felt herself frown - what had set him off?

__

At nine the kids disappeared into Lilly’s room to “sleep”, leaving the parents to clean up dinner. Aelin watched Rowan stand at the sink, his powerful arms on display as he scrubbed their plates dry. She couldn’t help imagining that they were a family, he was her husband, and they -

Stop. She scrubbed her face, exhaustion suddenly overwhelming her. There’s no point in imagining anything. It’s done. She sighed and collapsed on their couch, surveying the room. Their hotel space was an exact copy to theirs, so she didn’t feel too bad as she made herself at home. 

“Can I ask you something?” Rowan asked, and Aelin turned to find him leaning against the kitchen counter, watching her with an expression she couldn’t place. At her nod, he took a deep breath. “Is…where is Eve’s dad?” 

Oh. Shit. 

His words were light, but Aelin could tell her response would be important to her. She took a deep breath. “He’s..he’s in the picture.” 

Rowan’s shoulders slumped, and his eyes looked agonized for a half-second before a wall snapped up behind them. “Oh. Alright.” 

“N-not like that,” she blurted - she’d do anything to get him smiling again. “I meant, uhm, well…he has Eve every other week. B-but…we’re divorced. We have been for a year.” 

Rowan’s face melted into a smile she could tell he was trying to tamp down. “Oh. Alright.” Aelin laughed as he repeated his exact words from earlier. At her laughter, Rowan chuckled too, crossing the room to sit next to her on the couch. His weight brought the cushion down, and she slid toward him ever so slightly, close enough she could smell his pine-and-snow scent. 

His eyes darted around the room, checking if the coast was clear, before leaning closer to her. Her breaths came quicker, and she closed her eyes as he brought his hand to cup her neck, rubbing his thumb over the exact spot her lovebite was. She felt him lean in and kiss her jaw, loosing a breath as his other hand stroked her hair. Aelin watched him, heavy lidded, as he kissed his way down to her collarbone, lower. 

“Kiss me,” she breathed. He drew in a sharp breath and obliged her, lips pressing gently against hers. It was a soft kiss, not urgent and sharp like earlier, and she leaned into him, letting his heat envelop her as he hugged her. 

She thought, as she gently made out with this man, she hadn’t felt this safe in years. 

So cute I need more!!

little princess

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EZRA!!!!!! @rowanaelinn you are such an incredibly talented writer and wonderful friend and i'm so glad we share this crazy fandom space <3 here's some fluffs for you❤️❤️

word count: 827

warnings: none, i swear

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleven hours.

He’d been pacing outside that door for eleven godsdamned hours. A track showed in the carpet. The outrageously expensive rug Aelin had carefully selected and imported from Eyllwe.

“Aelin’s going to castrate you for that, you know.”

Rowan whirled at the voice, finding Lorcan casually standing at the end of the hall, observing his brother warrior with arched brow. 

“For the track?” He shrugged. “Either of us can fix it with a flick of a finger. What she doesn’t know won’t bother her.”

“You forget that she’s in no condition to forgi—”

“I know what godsdamned condition my mate is in, thank you, and if you came here to snark at me, you can shove it up your a—” His sentence cut off abruptly as Lorcan called up whatever godsdamned power he controlled and whisked the two of them out to the training yard. 

“You prick! I’m supposed to be there!”

“You’re supposed to NOT be adding worry to your mate’s labor, dammit! And pacing your big ugly boots into her expensive carpeting isn’t the way to do that. Besides, I’m willing to bet you were practically screaming your worry down the bond, which really does absolutely nothing good.”

“At least I have big boots,” smirked Rowan, glancing pointedly down at Lorcan’s everyday shoes.

Lorcan’s face split into a positively feral smirk. “Five hundred years and you still can’t accept that my sword has always been broader." 

Whatever few remaining threads Rowan had tying his self-control together snapped. And he launched himself at his brother with a growl of pure Doranellian rage. Lorcan smirked, dodged his barreling attack, and kicked the back of his knee. Rowan grunted, catching himself before he could fall, turned, and let his fists fly. Lorcan met him blow for blow, jab for jab, that infuriating smirk of his never fading. Through the mire of stress and worry clouding his mind, Rowan realized that Lorcan was giving him what he needed: an outlet for everything overloading his brain. 

Thank me later, brother, the dark-haired male's vicious grin said.

Rowan grunted. So damn full of yourself whenever you think you did something useful. He brought his flagging defenses back up and landed a punishing hit to Lorcan’s stomach. The older male grunted, backhanded him, and kicked his legs out from under him. Swearing viciously, Rowan hit the dirt of the training ring with a thud. Lorcan tackled him, promptly rolled him over, and put him in a headlock. Pinned, he slapped the ground three times, yielding, a significant chunk of his stress gone. 

“Who would have known that getting your ass kicked would help you not to worry about your lovely, strong mate?” Lorcan inquired.

“Says the one who knocked Elide up first.”

“Quite. And look how well that turned out.”

Rowan snorted a laugh. “Cal likes me best.”

Lorcan rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that because he hasn't shit his diaper all over you or spit up all over your clean fucking clothes."

"Ah, the perils of fatherhood."

Lorcan swatted him. "We'll see who's joking when--" Elide appeared from an upstairs window and motioned with her hand. Instantly, the two males were on their feet again, racing for the doors.  

“Whitethorn?” Concern creased Lorcan's normally scowling face.

“What.” Nerves and anxiety nearly overpowered Rowan's better judgment; he really hadn't meant to snap at Lorcan like that.

“Gods above, calm down.”

“I am calm!”

“In that case, it’s time to go home. Aelin and your baby are—” Rowan was gone before Lorcan finished his sentence. Lorcan rolled his eyes and followed him into the manor.

Back in the queen and king's hallway, Rowan paused before the door leading into Aelin’s room. The sharp medicinal smells from earlier were gone. His wife’s scent still hinted at pain, but also…joy. Such unending joy. He lifted his hand to knock, but the door swung open before he could. Standing there, grinning, were Elide and Lysandra. 

“Ready to meet your little princess?”

Rowan gulped, fighting back unexpected tears. Princess.

Yes, you big oaf, a daughter. Aelin’s voice. Exhausted, but not lacking that wry humor of hers. 

Rowan crossed the room to his mate and the bundle of blankets in her arms. His daughter. Their daughter. Asleep, he couldn’t tell her eye color, but the little one's face—it was a tiny, perfect mirror of Aelin's own. He slumped onto the bed beside her, overcome with awe and fear and a hundred other emotions.

“May I...hold her?” His words were thick with unshed tears. Aelin smiled softly, tiredly, and placed their baby girl in his arms. Rowan looked down into the face of his daughter. And cried, overcome with the emotions of holding the baby he never dreamed of having. The first of many, he hoped. When his eyes cleared, he sniffled and looked to his mate. 

“What are we naming her?”

Aelin's exhausted face lifted with quiet joy. "Alanna Evalin Whitethorn Galathynius."

Utterly perfect.

~~~

tags:

@live-the-fangirl-life

@superspiritfestival

@thegreyj

@wordsafterhours

@elentiyawhitethorn

@morganofthewildfire

@backtobl4ck

@rowanaelinn

@house-of-galathynius

@tomtenadia

@julemmaes

@swankii-art-teacher

@charlizeed

@booknerdproblems

@chronicchthonic14

@earthtolinds

@goddess-aelin

@sweet-but-stormy

@clea-nightingale

@autumnbabylon

@darling-im-the-queen-of-hell

@llyncooljones

@silentquartz

Twin Wounds Chapter 8

Hi everyone! I am attempting to follow a schedule; Wednesdays Twin Wounds updates and Fridays IWHAIWSA updates :)

I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's mostly fluff tbh but I was happy to write some of that after the end of last week's chapter...*shudders*

OH PLUS we start to see Aedion + Lysandra....👀👀

I hope everyone enjoys this update! If you have any prompts for Twin Wounds or IWHAIWSA - or honestly a whole new fic/oneshot - just comment it, privately message me or send me a request! :D

Word Count: 1.1k (I'm sorry it's small I just was at a bit of a loss for what to write and really wanted to get something out here for y'all)

Tag List <33: (It's growing! Everyone on here I love + appreciate so so much) @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @renxzs, @blue-bird17, @autumnbabylon, and @luell1q!! @luell1q is our wonderful new addition <33

Warnings: Language and bad writing XD

Enjoy! <33

__

“Aedion!” Aelin ran through the lobby and flung herself onto her grinning cousin. She laughed as he twirled her around, joy filling her. 

“Hey, Ae!” he laughed, and Aelin beamed as she looked at him. The male equivalent to her, they had been mistaken as twins as children because of their similarities - their tan skin, golden locks and Ashryver eyes. “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” she said, Aedion setting her down. She took his hand and led him out of the lobby and outside, apparently where the “visiting hours” took place. They both squinted in the sun, and Aelin pointed to the gaggle of people in the distance. “That’s my group over there. I get to miss group therapy today, thank the Gods. You saved me.”

“Can I meet them?” 

Aelin snorted for a second - but at the silence that followed his statement, she whipped her head around to him. “Huh?”

Aedion shrugged. “I wanted to meet the people you have to spend time with every day. And your friends, too.”

Aelin let out a dramatic groan but at her cousin’s raised eyebrow, she sighed and flung an arm over his shoulders, leading him to her group. As they approached, she suddenly felt apprehensive. Would they judge her for the familiarity she had with her cousin? Would Aedion embarrasser her and say something inappropriate?

“Everyone, this is my cousin, Aedion,” she said as they stopped. Her stomach was a flurry of nerves.

“Hello,” Aedion said with his - their - classic Ashryver swagger. “It’s so nice to meet-” he stopped, his face pale as though he had seen a ghost.

“Aedion?” she frowned. “What-” She followed his line of vision and saw his attention focused on Lysandra, the woman giving him a once-over. She inwardly groaned - she should’ve known. His cousin was the master at one-night stands, and she couldn’t count on two hands the amount of girlfriends he’d brought home. Nothing against that, but - 

“Really?” she hissed into his ear. “My therapy friend?”

Lysandra swung her hair over her shoulder and descended to him. Aedion’s eyes tracked her cat-like gait before flicking up to her emerald eyes. The whole group was silent, assessing them as they shook hands. “Nice to meet you…Aedion,” Lysandra purred, batting her eyelashes. Aelin stifled an eye roll as her cousin audibly swallowed.

__

The rest of the group was cordial to Aedion, and for some reason - or maybe because of a certain woman - her cousin insisted on spending the morning outside with her therapy group. But when Luca suggested he join them for therapy, even Aedion balked. 

“No way,” Aelin protested. “My cousin will not be joining our trauma dumping. That’s where I draw the line.” 

“It could be good for him to meet Rowan,” Luca shrugged, toying with a piece of his hair. He’d turned tomato red when Aedion had slung an arm around him, and she had a feeling why her group mate was so eager to spend time with her cousin.

“I-I’m not sure that would be best - plus, I’m most likely not even allowed,” Aedion stammered, rubbing the back of his neck.

He wasn’t, in fact, allowed, so the cousins lounged around the sunny area, soaking in the rays. They chatted and caught up, Aedion filling her in about his job on base, Aelin giving him the scoop with the patients. It was a good day, and she felt calm knowing he was near. 

The group was finished with their therapy too soon, and they ate lunch together in the cafeteria. To Aelin’s dismay, her cousin opted to sit next to Lysandra instead of her, leaving her sandwiched between Tiela and Selmer. 

“I know you weren’t allowed to go to therapy, but maybe you could meet Rowan?” Luca said eventually, sipping his peppermint tea. 

“What do you care so much?” Aelin snapped. Aedion shot her a look and said through a mouthful of sandwich; “I’d love to.”

__

Aelin didn’t know why she was anxious about her cousin meeting her hot therapist -she just was. She prayed she wasn’t sweating too much as the two made their way to his office, following Luca’s lead. They reached it and Luca knocked on the door. The rumbled “come in” made her heart beat faster. Luca gave them a nod - and a blush for Aedion - before scurrying back down the hall. Aedion gave her an encouraging smile and opened the door.

Rowan was sitting at his desk, hurriedly sweeping something off his desk - the half-eaten remnants of a Wawa BLT and a root beer. Just like me, she thought. It was her favorite lunch - or it used to be. He stood up when he saw them, clearing his throat and adjusting his wrinkled polo shirt. She couldn’t help admiring how the tightness of his clothes showed off his muscles.

“Hey, I’m Aedion,” her cousin said, shaking Rowan’s hand. “I’m Aelin’s cousin.”

“Ah, Aedion,” Rowan said, a light of recognition lighting in his eyes. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Do you know him?” Aelin asked, raising a brow. 

Rowan went beet red. “Erm, he’s…he’s in your file.” She shrugged off what the thought of her “file” did to her and observed his office, tuning out as the two men started in conversation. Except for the mess of his lunch, his office was immaculate. The papers on his desk were organized in multiple stacks, and the barely furnished room was near-sparling. He had a simple computer and a monitor, and one framed photo beside that. For some reason, her heart strained when she looked at it. 

Oh, shush, she chided herself. Of course he has a partner - he’s hot and young. You have no reason to be jealous. 

__

Rowan found he liked his patient’s cousin, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty around the man. Aedion obviously loved Aelin, and Rowan knew Aedion would punch him if he ever found out about his creepy crush. It’s be well deserved, too.

To his dismay, Aelin stayed mostly silent as they gathered in his office, the two sitting in folding chairs he’d pulled out. They went through stages of small talk before Aedion asked; “So, how do you think she’s doing?”

Aelin snapped back to reality and whipped her head to her cousin, nostrils flaring. Rowan felt a companionship with the man as Aedion flinched and shrank back in fear - he’d felt that multiple times during their sessions.

“I love if you waited until I was out of the fucking room before you talked about me,” Aelin snarled. 

“Leave, then,” Aedion shot back cockily. Rowan was impressed by the man’s nerve. 

“Fine. I’ll see you in another fucking month when you decide to drop by again,” Aelin near shouted, stomping out of the room. She slammed the door behind her with flourish, and Rowan winced. 

“This is going to sound weird,” Aedion said quietly, drawing Rowan’s attention back to him, “but it’s kind of a relief to see her angry. It’s better than the…shell she was in before.” 

Rowan smiled. “I know the feeling.”

This post is so sweettttttt ily @aelinchocolatelover ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Twin Wounds Chapter 8

Hi everyone! I am attempting to follow a schedule; Wednesdays Twin Wounds updates and Fridays IWHAIWSA updates :)

I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's mostly fluff tbh but I was happy to write some of that after the end of last week's chapter...*shudders*

OH PLUS we start to see Aedion + Lysandra....👀👀

I hope everyone enjoys this update! If you have any prompts for Twin Wounds or IWHAIWSA - or honestly a whole new fic/oneshot - just comment it, privately message me or send me a request! :D

Word Count: 1.1k (I'm sorry it's small I just was at a bit of a loss for what to write and really wanted to get something out here for y'all)

Tag List <33: (It's growing! Everyone on here I love + appreciate so so much) @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @renxzs, @blue-bird17, @autumnbabylon, and @luell1q!! @luell1q is our wonderful new addition <33

Warnings: Language and bad writing XD

Enjoy! <33

__

“Aedion!” Aelin ran through the lobby and flung herself onto her grinning cousin. She laughed as he twirled her around, joy filling her. 

“Hey, Ae!” he laughed, and Aelin beamed as she looked at him. The male equivalent to her, they had been mistaken as twins as children because of their similarities - their tan skin, golden locks and Ashryver eyes. “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” she said, Aedion setting her down. She took his hand and led him out of the lobby and outside, apparently where the “visiting hours” took place. They both squinted in the sun, and Aelin pointed to the gaggle of people in the distance. “That’s my group over there. I get to miss group therapy today, thank the Gods. You saved me.”

“Can I meet them?” 

Aelin snorted for a second - but at the silence that followed his statement, she whipped her head around to him. “Huh?”

Aedion shrugged. “I wanted to meet the people you have to spend time with every day. And your friends, too.”

Aelin let out a dramatic groan but at her cousin’s raised eyebrow, she sighed and flung an arm over his shoulders, leading him to her group. As they approached, she suddenly felt apprehensive. Would they judge her for the familiarity she had with her cousin? Would Aedion embarrasser her and say something inappropriate?

“Everyone, this is my cousin, Aedion,” she said as they stopped. Her stomach was a flurry of nerves.

“Hello,” Aedion said with his - their - classic Ashryver swagger. “It’s so nice to meet-” he stopped, his face pale as though he had seen a ghost.

“Aedion?” she frowned. “What-” She followed his line of vision and saw his attention focused on Lysandra, the woman giving him a once-over. She inwardly groaned - she should’ve known. His cousin was the master at one-night stands, and she couldn’t count on two hands the amount of girlfriends he’d brought home. Nothing against that, but - 

“Really?” she hissed into his ear. “My therapy friend?”

Lysandra swung her hair over her shoulder and descended to him. Aedion’s eyes tracked her cat-like gait before flicking up to her emerald eyes. The whole group was silent, assessing them as they shook hands. “Nice to meet you…Aedion,” Lysandra purred, batting her eyelashes. Aelin stifled an eye roll as her cousin audibly swallowed.

__

The rest of the group was cordial to Aedion, and for some reason - or maybe because of a certain woman - her cousin insisted on spending the morning outside with her therapy group. But when Luca suggested he join them for therapy, even Aedion balked. 

“No way,” Aelin protested. “My cousin will not be joining our trauma dumping. That’s where I draw the line.” 

“It could be good for him to meet Rowan,” Luca shrugged, toying with a piece of his hair. He’d turned tomato red when Aedion had slung an arm around him, and she had a feeling why her group mate was so eager to spend time with her cousin.

“I-I’m not sure that would be best - plus, I’m most likely not even allowed,” Aedion stammered, rubbing the back of his neck.

He wasn’t, in fact, allowed, so the cousins lounged around the sunny area, soaking in the rays. They chatted and caught up, Aedion filling her in about his job on base, Aelin giving him the scoop with the patients. It was a good day, and she felt calm knowing he was near. 

The group was finished with their therapy too soon, and they ate lunch together in the cafeteria. To Aelin’s dismay, her cousin opted to sit next to Lysandra instead of her, leaving her sandwiched between Tiela and Selmer. 

“I know you weren’t allowed to go to therapy, but maybe you could meet Rowan?” Luca said eventually, sipping his peppermint tea. 

“What do you care so much?” Aelin snapped. Aedion shot her a look and said through a mouthful of sandwich; “I’d love to.”

__

Aelin didn’t know why she was anxious about her cousin meeting her hot therapist -she just was. She prayed she wasn’t sweating too much as the two made their way to his office, following Luca’s lead. They reached it and Luca knocked on the door. The rumbled “come in” made her heart beat faster. Luca gave them a nod - and a blush for Aedion - before scurrying back down the hall. Aedion gave her an encouraging smile and opened the door.

Rowan was sitting at his desk, hurriedly sweeping something off his desk - the half-eaten remnants of a Wawa BLT and a root beer. Just like me, she thought. It was her favorite lunch - or it used to be. He stood up when he saw them, clearing his throat and adjusting his wrinkled polo shirt. She couldn’t help admiring how the tightness of his clothes showed off his muscles.

“Hey, I’m Aedion,” her cousin said, shaking Rowan’s hand. “I’m Aelin’s cousin.”

“Ah, Aedion,” Rowan said, a light of recognition lighting in his eyes. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Do you know him?” Aelin asked, raising a brow. 

Rowan went beet red. “Erm, he’s…he’s in your file.” She shrugged off what the thought of her “file” did to her and observed his office, tuning out as the two men started in conversation. Except for the mess of his lunch, his office was immaculate. The papers on his desk were organized in multiple stacks, and the barely furnished room was near-sparling. He had a simple computer and a monitor, and one framed photo beside that. For some reason, her heart strained when she looked at it. 

Oh, shush, she chided herself. Of course he has a partner - he’s hot and young. You have no reason to be jealous. 

__

Rowan found he liked his patient’s cousin, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty around the man. Aedion obviously loved Aelin, and Rowan knew Aedion would punch him if he ever found out about his creepy crush. It’s be well deserved, too.

To his dismay, Aelin stayed mostly silent as they gathered in his office, the two sitting in folding chairs he’d pulled out. They went through stages of small talk before Aedion asked; “So, how do you think she’s doing?”

Aelin snapped back to reality and whipped her head to her cousin, nostrils flaring. Rowan felt a companionship with the man as Aedion flinched and shrank back in fear - he’d felt that multiple times during their sessions.

“I love if you waited until I was out of the fucking room before you talked about me,” Aelin snarled. 

“Leave, then,” Aedion shot back cockily. Rowan was impressed by the man’s nerve. 

“Fine. I’ll see you in another fucking month when you decide to drop by again,” Aelin near shouted, stomping out of the room. She slammed the door behind her with flourish, and Rowan winced. 

“This is going to sound weird,” Aedion said quietly, drawing Rowan’s attention back to him, “but it’s kind of a relief to see her angry. It’s better than the…shell she was in before.” 

Rowan smiled. “I know the feeling.”

Bridgerton - IWHAIWSA Chapter 4

Hello everyone! I hope you are having an amazing day. The chapter I present to you today is honestly not some of my best content, but it is long and I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER AT THE END. This chapter was originally 1.4k but I tacked another chapter on at the last minute FOR YOU GUYS BECAUSE YOU ROCK <3 Can you guess where the original chapter stopped? 👀

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Smut, Language, Mentions of Miscarriage and Abuse

Tag List <33: @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @renxzs, @blue-bird17, @autumnbabylon, and @luell1q <3

ENJOY MY LOVES

:3

Rowan couldn’t think through the haze, through Aelin’s scent, through her lips on his. He fought the overwhelming urge to take her, reminding himself their damn children were in the next room over, and forced himself to pull away. She looked as disappointed as he, clinging to his shirt, and it took all his control not to kiss her again. 

But he took a deep breath and smiled down at her. The answering grin he got made his heart glow. 

__

The children seemed to have fallen asleep, but Rowan still wanted to manage self-control. To his relief, Aelin didn’t seem to mind - especially when he pulled out his stock of ice cream in the freezer. She squealed and clapped her hands like her daughter as he handed her a small carton of Chocolate Brownie, ripping the top open with force. 

“Shall we watch something?” Rowan asked, digging into his own personal favorite, Strawberry Cheesecake. 

“Yes. I think we should do, uhm, what’s it called…oh! Bridgerton!” 

“I haven’t watched that - isn’t it some period drama? That’s not really my thing.” 

Aelin’s face fell and it was like a bullet to his heart. He hastily continued, “Normally it isn’t my thing! But let’s do it!” 

He didn’t like period dramas but it turned out he liked this one. To Aelin’s delight, within an episode he was already pulled into the dramatic, British world of the Bridgertons. “I know, I didn’t have high hopes but it’s so good,” Aelin agreed, pulling a blanket around the two. “I’ve watched the whole first season but I like watching it with you.” 

Henri eventually stepped into the living room from a nightmare, but he went down fairly easily, and Rowan was eager to return to Aelin. He was even more thrilled as she took a nap against his shoulder, careful not to move a muscle. 

At eleven she stirred, easing off of him. “Oh my Gods, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, face red. “I really didn’t mean to fall asleep, oh my Gods…”

“It’s fine, really,” he assured her. “I’m surprised I didn’t either, I’m just so invested in this show.” 

Aelin grinned at that. “Are all the kids asleep?”

“Yes.” 

Her expression turned mischievous, raising an eyebrow and pulling herself up on her knees. Rowan’s heart beat quicker and he schooled his face into neutrality as she braced her hands on his shoulder. She pushed him into the back couch cushion, laughing softly. She drew her face closer to his, her warmth soothing him. “Can I kiss you?”

He nodded. “Gods, yes.” 

↜↝

She kissed him, softly at first, dragging her fingers through his hair. She settled into his lap, straddling him, and began to kiss down his neck. He brought her lips back up to his, holding eye contact as he slipped a warm hand up her shirt. Aelin bit her lip at the sensation of his hand traveling across her stomach, higher but yet not high enough.

           Mirth danced in Rowan’s eyes as he ran his hands so, so close to where she wanted. She held his gaze, their heavy breaths entwined. She grabbed the hem of her shirt and made to pull it off, but Rowan stopped her and darted his eyes to the kids room.

         “Dammit,” she cursed, and Rowan chuckled, a low sound that only made her want him more. She leaned forward and kissed him harder, opening for him. He groaned as he felt her tongue, gripping her torso to his muscled top half. Breaking from the kiss, Rowan pressed kiss after kiss to her neck, her jaw, her collarbone. 

She felt herself becoming lost in his scent, in his warmness, and she couldn’t do anything but sigh happily at him. To her dismay, Rowan paused and looked up at her.

“Why…why’d you stop?” she murmured, stroking his cheek. He closed his eyes briefly before gently sliding her off of him. At her frown, he chuckled. 

“This…I want to do you well. Not on a couch, where we have to be careful not to wake people up. I want to take you when I have all the time in the world.”

“So dramatic,” she snorted, but she was warm inside from the words. “So, where should I sleep?”

“I would love for you to sleep in my bed with me…,” Rowan began, and her heart fluttered. She involuntarily lurched closer to him and he played with a strand of her hair, leaning in and breathing in her scent. “But I know myself, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t have self-control,” he breathed against her skin. “So I’ll take the couch and you can sleep in my bed.” 

Aelin pulled back, opened her mouth to protest, but he put his finger to her lips. “I insist.” 

↜↝

Rowan was in such deep shit. 

He lay on the leather couch, attempting to take deep breaths. His blood was heated and his heart was racing. Every time he attempted to collect himself, he couldn’t help but think about Aelin in his arms, Aelin kissing him, Aelin touching him…

“Fuck,” he breathed, pulling the blanket over himself to hide the evidence of what that woman had done to him. He was much too excited - it was unacceptable. 

__

Rowan woke up at five in the morning from the sun streaming in through the windows. He groaned, sitting up, and checked his phone. He had a notification from Aldi, from his cousin, and from-

Rowan went cold. Lyria. 

Lyria: I want to see them. 

Rowan: Well, you can’t. It's as simple as that. 

Lyria: Fuck you. I have rights. 

Rowan: Your “rights” were surrendered on September 15, remember

Lyria: This is your final warning before I get my lawyer involved. I want. To see. My children.

Rowan: This is YOUR final warning: you. Can’t. 

Lyria: *typing*

Lyria: Have you asked THEM if they want to see their mother? I bet they’re miserable - what do you even make? Is it pasta every night? Let me guess - tortellini? I can’t even try to understand how you managed to afford this luxury resort, but I know you sure aren’t getting anywhere with your money. 

Rowan: I don’t have anything to say to you. Please just leave us alone. 

Lyria: Gods, you sound desperate. It’s too late now 

At Lyria’s ominous last message, Rowan cursed and leaned back down, running a hand over his face. Even though he knew she was just manipulating him, he couldn’t help but feel guilt over her message - was he being selfish? Maybe Lilly and Henri were sick of him, and they wanted to see their mother - no matter what she had done. 

__

Of course Aelin was beautiful in the mornings, and her damn bedhead made Rowan want to get on his knees for her. 

“Up a little late, are we?” he teased her as she eventually stumbled into the kitchen, yawning. The kids were watching Dora the Explorer on the TV, eating cereal. The time read ten in the morning and Aelin had only just woken up. 

She went a little red but gave him a simpering smile. “Somebody kept me up late.” 

Rowan flashed her a grin and turned back around to the stove, where he was busy making eggs. He heard rather than saw Aelin greet her daughter, and he snuck a look over his shoulder just in time to see his crush give her daughter a big smacking kiss. Eve hugged her mother tightly, and his heart strained as he watched them. They were too cute for their own good. 

“Thank you for making breakfast,” Aelin said. Rowan jumped and found that she was suddenly right behind him. She grinned at his confusion and he couldn’t help but reciprocate the expression.

“It’s no problem. Someone has to be the good cook,” he said sweetly, and Aelin made a fake insulted expression, her mouth in an O. 

“How dare you!” a small voice squeaked, and both adults erupted into laughter as they found Eve, outraged, standing behind them with her hands on her hips. At their delight, her face went pink and she beamed - the small girl loved pleasing the adults. 

They all ate a quick breakfast of eggs and toast before deciding to head to the pool. Aelin and Eve went back to their room to change quickly and they met up again at the pool. 

Again Aelin was in that bikini, and she wiggled her eyebrows at him as the children splashed in the pool. Rowan, who was in the water watching the kids, gave her what he hoped was a suggestive expression.

They played with the children for hours, even Henri coming out of his shell and screaming with delight as his father tickled him in the water. It was, Rowan thought as they ate ice cream, a very happy day. 

__

Aelin was going to kill him. She was going to really and truly kill him. 

Her body might as well have been a knife to his heart as she pressed it against his, the two of them laid on his bed. The kids were fast asleep in their room, delighted with the extra sleepover. 

“Aelin,” Rowan groaned. She immediately drew back and that warmed his heart enough to pull her back to him. He rested his forehead on hers, both of them panting from the intensity of the kiss.

“What?” she breathed impatiently, threading her fingers through his hair. 

“I-I want…” He couldn’t find the words for what he wanted to say. To his relief, Aelin gave him time, patiently waiting as she caught her breath. “..I want to wait.”

Aelin drew in a sharp breath, and he internally cringed. Shit. “I know it’s every woman’s nightmare to hear that, but…I want to take things slow. I didn’t do that with my ex-wife, and we ended up with two miracles, yes, but an unhappy marriage. I…I really like you, Aelin.” At this, he couldn’t meet her eyes, and instead focused on the strand of her golden hair he had between his fingertips. “I want to do this right.”

Rowan didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t for Aelin to tilt his head up and kiss him tenderly. “You are so sweet,” she murmured against his lips. “I understand. I really like you too, Rowan.”

He let out a broken laugh and burrowed his face into her warmth - right, in fact, between her beautiful…er…assets.

Aelin, noticing this, snorted and settled back into their bed, absentmindedly running her fingers through his hair. He was warm and happy, surrounded by her perfect scent, and just about to drift off to sleep when she said; “Actually, can I hear more about your ex-wife?”

Rowan knew she felt him tense, and suppressed a sigh as she rolled out from beneath him. She switched on the lamp and he watched her, a halo forming behind her, illuminating her skin. “Rowan. Please.”

He sat up and said carefully; “It’s not like you’ve been all too chatty about your ex, either.”

Aelin sighed through her nose and rubbed her temples. He immediately felt guilty and advanced toward her, but she stopped him. “No, you’re right. I’ll tell you mine and you’ll tell me yours?”

Rowan nodded, taking her hand. He stroked it, assessing her face like it was a map. She was a language he longed to be fluent in. Aelin took a deep breath and began.

“My ex-husband is named Sam. We met when we were both nineteen, barely out of high school and chomping on the bit to be independent. Our chemistry was…electric. I’d never met anyone like him.” She took a deep breath. “We fell in love over the course of five months. Young love, it's…well, you know. We weren’t careful, and I ended up pregnant at twenty-one.”

Rowan gave her an encouraging nod. Aelin inched closer to him, and chuckled when he swept her up in his arms and laid them back down on the bed. She stroked his cheek before continuing. 

“Neither of us wanted our baby to have to worry about her parents. We loved each other, and we got married the month before Eve was born. We moved from Los Angeles to Pennsylvania and rented a small, quaint house. It was a suburban dreamland.” She took a ragged breath, eyes wet. “And then…then, at twenty-four - Eve was three - I got pregnant again.” 

Rowan froze. Oh, Gods. His grip on her tightened, and she sniffled into his neck. “Obviously, that….that didn’t end up working, and it really…it really messed us up, Rowan. Neither of us coped healthily - I blamed myself, because I’d been working out throughout the pregnancy, something I did with Eve. I knew, I knew that had nothing to do with it, but I blamed myself anyway. Sam was drinking a ton, and his job made him travel…we were fighting and it was too much for Eve. We divorced, and split custody. He’s a great dad and Eve adores him, so I’m happy about it. But yeah.” 

Rowan wiped away the tears falling down Aelin’s cheeks and kissed her forehead. “I’m so, so sorry, Aelin.”

“It’s okay.” She managed a smile through her tears and Rowan’s heart hurt as he thought how strong this woman was. “Now you!”

“Ah, alright,” he groaned, and she giggled. “Settle in.”

“Lyria and I met young, as well - twenty one. Honestly, I don’t think we wouldn’t lasted a while anyway, but we married shortly after we found out about her pregnancy, like you. When we moved in together, we didn’t really know each other - something that became apparent after the honeymoon phase. I guess literally the honeymoon phase.”

Aelin let out a broken laugh and Rowan grinned down at her, pleased he’d made this amazing woman laugh. But his amusement faded as he continued; “Lyria was…terrible during the pregnancy. I assumed she was just having a hard time, but she made things awful. Her words were hurtful - she would voice her doubts about my future parenting skills, my looks, my job…”

Aelin hugged him tighter, and he closed his eyes. “The night my children were born was the best night of my life. They are the best things that have ever happened to an idiot like me.” He smiled. “That first month was heavenly. I was a fresh twenty-three, with two kids and a wife. I had a decent paying job, and Lyria seemed giddy as well. But that’s when the cruelty started up again. She would degrade me in front of my children, more hurtful than before. When the kids were asleep we’d get into these screaming matches. More than often I ended up with a bruised cheek, or a split lip the next morning.” 

“Oh my Gods, Rowan,” the woman in his arms breathed. She ran a warm hand down his arm and kissed him deeply. 

Rowan felt a deep wave of emotion hit him, and he said raggedly; “Is it alright if we continue this later? I’m so sorry - I’m a dick, I just can’t-”

“Rowan,” Aelin interrupted him gently. “It’s alright. What you’ve given me is more than enough.” She rolled them so she was on top of him and kissed all over his face, planting swift pecks on his forehead, his chin, his lips, his closed eyes. As they made out into the night, she kept repeating; “What you’ve given me is more than enough.”

A Terrible Day - Rowaelin Oneshot

I'm trying to expand my writing resume on this app, because all the wonderful creators I follow have these insanely long masterlists with links that lead to more links that lead to more links and it's everything I want to be XD

I wrote this in a frenzy of two hours, including breaks for running and to gulp down some iced tea and eat a slice of cheesecake :D

If you go to my masterlist(https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rNsQz959dwBibJ4ydmb6_0fixjSEBXBiVRKVoyd-tQ0/edit), you will see the fics I wrote for the 2023 Aelin Week. Most, if not all of my fics are in AUs but I thought I'd switch it up with a "what happened next" kind of fic, which is what I did for Aelin Week. Not saying I liked it more than my other AUs, but it was just cozy to write you know? ☺☺

If you'd like me to do more of these, let me know! It's a Oneshot for now but we'll see, I could just do short stories of their adventures inbetween my current projects!

This is the most NSFW thing I've ever written and I felt so guilty doing it - I kept glancing around like I had a bomb or something LMAO. It's not even that bad I don't think, but I COULDN'T DO IT *sobs*

How do you fanfic writers do it???

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Language, Smut

Summary: Aelin has a bad day and sweet sweet Rowan cheers her up (mostly just fluff)

Tag List <33: @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @renxzs, @blue-bird17, @autumnbabylon, and @luell1q

enjoy dear readers!!

:3

Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius had had a terrible day.

Not like her usual bad days - where Fleetfoot had rubbed mud all over a new dress, or the bakery in Terrasen Square was closed (although she shuddered whenever she thought of those days) - but bad in the sense that she felt her chest constricting. Darrow hadn’t budged on the topic of Aelin’s passion project - a community garden for the citizens of Terrasen. A trivial want, yes, but it was close to Aelin’s heart. 

However, as Darrow had made extremely clear at their meeting; “A community garden is a complete waste of resources. We need to focus on rebuilding Terrasen before we have the time to worry about meaningless projects such as that.” 

Now Aelin was trudging down the hallway, melancholic. At least it’s the end of the week, she thought glumly. She had no more meetings, nothing to work on for the next three days. 

The queen reached her private corridor. Here lay her bedroom, personal library, and office(well, one of many). Aelin often felt guilt over the luxuries that she indulged here, but she couldn't help wanting to live in this area of the castle - her parents had as well, and she could sometimes hear the pitter-patter of her feet running down the hall, her giggles as she raced her father. Remembering these moments was a happy thing, but today it just made her more depressed.

Two guards monitored this corridor - Beor and Alys. Beor was a kind, shy man, and the only time he ever talked was to rave about his wife and two young daughters. Alys was a fierce woman who had clearly been through unimaginable things, which only became more apparent from the vicious scar slashed down the side of her face. She was strong and reminded Aelin of Nesryn. Aelin liked the two guards greatly, but she pitied them occasionally when she was reminded of what…sounds they were witness to, as they were stationed outside her bedroom door during the night. The morning after her birthday, Beor could barely look her in the eye without going beet red. 

Aelin nodded to them as she passed. “Majesty,” they both murmured, bowing briefly. She flashed them a quick smile, all she could muster, before retreating into her bedroom. She faced the door, locked it behind her, and burst into tears.

All the stress from the day caught up to her - Darrow, missing her parents, the strain of the crown. She slid to the floor, not even bothering to turn around as she cried, hugging herself. She prayed Alys and Beor couldn’t hear her, not as-

“Aelin?”

She froze when she heard that deep voice say her name. “Shit.” She knew who it was instantly, but turned around still to find her husband and mate, Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius. He stood there, his face full of concern for his wife, and the sight of it made Aelin sob harder. 

“Hey, hey,” Rowan soothed, advancing toward her in a split second. He held her close, sitting there on the floor with her, and Aelin turned fully toward him, clutching his shirt, crying into his neck. He was so strong, so steady that Aelin felt like she’d been drowning and now she’d found a lifevest. 

Rowan stroked her hair and rubbed her back simultaneously, patiently waiting as she cried it out. Finally, she scooted back, sniffling. “Oh, Gods, I’m so sorry.” Aelin couldn’t meet his eye as she wiped her cheeks, focusing on the floor. She probably looked like a mess. 

“Aelin.” He tilted her face up, piercing green eyes scanning her face. She only realized now he was tense, jaw clenched, filled with a mix of concern and anger that somebody had hurt her, something only a mate could feel. “What happened?”

“I’m fine, first of all,” she sighed. She smiled as he slumped with relief, but it faded as she recounted her day. “Darrow…Darrow is still very against the garden idea. I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid. He sure thinks it is.”

“Wait, why is he against the garden?” Rowan frowned. “I love the idea.”

Aelin arched a brow. “I think you’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not!” her mate protested. “It’s a great idea, Aelin. Darrow might not see it, but it could help those who were affected - ah, hell, let’s be frank. I think every being in the world has at least some trauma, and I really think the garden could help them. It could help them build something, trust in something.”

“Well, thank you, buzzard. That’s the idea, but it’s too silly to spend money on.” Aelin leaned back into her husband, who immediately encircled his arms around her. She ran her fingers down his muscled arms, pressing down slightly. She snickered as she felt him flex underneath her fingertips. “We need the money to be put toward the library, and just getting our bearings after the war.”

“I thought we were well off.”

“We are - our coffers run extremely deep. I don’t think we will have to worry about money ever again, thank Gods. But that’s us. Our money is different from Terrasen’s money.” 

“Hmm.” Aelin could almost feel Rowan frowning, thinking of something to help her problem. The thought warmed her heart and she tilted her head up, observing him. He is so beautiful, she thought. His bronze skin was smooth, his lashes long, his bone structure immaculate. But of course, she was drawn to his eyes. It was always his pine green eyes. They would always, always be her favorite asset of his. She ran her fingers lightly over his face, tracing it to memory like she’d done hundreds of times, like she’d do many more times. 

“Aelin,” he breathed. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. He opened up to her and she kissed him deeply, threading her fingers through his hair to tug him to her. She felt his warm hands slip up her shirt and she broke the kiss, biting her lip as she watched him. Rowan leaned in and kissed down her neck. She gasped as she felt his tongue on her skin, digging her hands into his shoulders. 

She kissed him roughly, their lips falling into a rhythm, and she made to unbutton her shirt. “Wait,” Rowan murmured onto her lips, holding her hands firmly in his to still them. She broke away, confused and a little hurt. As if seeing the second emotion in her eyes, he kissed her on the lips quickly - or at least, he tried to make it quick, but Aelin followed his head with her own, prolonging the kiss. As her tongue brushed his, her mate groaned before pulling away again. 

“Why do you keep pulling away?” she panted, resting her forehead on his. Rowan released her hands to stroke her cheeks. She felt him breathe in her scent and smiled, knowing it comforted him as much as his did her.

“Well, for one I’m not taking you on the floor,” he started, chuckling when she smacked his arm. 

It’s not like it’s never been done before, she said to him, mind-to-mind. She felt him freeze and glance up at her smirking face. 

“You’re making this harder,” he grumbled.

“Good,” she snickered. He stared at her confused, before going red as he got the joke. She cackled for the first time today, standing up from the floor. She helped him get to his feet as well, laughing again as he winced and rubbed his back. Her buzzard, ever the old man.

“And two,” he glared at her, “I thought it would help you cheer up if we went to Finlas’s.”

Aelin squealed. Finlas, a kind old man, owned her favorite place to eat in Terrasen - Finlas’s. He served the most amazing dishes, not to mention their desserts. “Yes. Oh, Rowan, you’re the best!”

Rowan grinned, pleased with himself. “Well, let's go then.”

They got ready in a matter of minutes. As Rowan went to tell Alys and Beor, Aelin checked her reflection and groaned. Her face was red and puffy from crying. She splashed cold water on her face and frantically rubbed a jade green marble over her skin, something Lysandra had said would help with puffiness and bone structure. Luckily, it seemed to do the job. Dressed in the simple white shirt and black skin tight pants she’d worn all day, Aelin grabbed her bag and hurried to leave.

The mates walked out of the castle and towards the Square, hand in hand. It was a beautiful early summer evening, the sky darkening to pinks and purples, the humid air cooling to an ideal temperature. The spring flowers were giving way to green, every tree lush and bountiful. Aelin swelled with happiness as she looked around her kingdom, even more so as they reached the Square and saw people milling about, shopping and talking. 

They reached Finlas’s and Rowan hurried to open the door for her. Aelin smirked as she passed. “What a gentleman,” she teased, and Rowan rolled his eyes. To their delight, Finlas himself greeted them and led them to a booth in the back. The back of the establishment was clearly meant for couples, with its dimmer lighting and flickering candles on the tables. Each seat even had a red rose placed atop its plate. As they walked by, people stared and whispered to each other.

“Enjoy your meal,” Finlas said warmly, before bowing and hurrying off to greet the next customer. Aelin settled into the cushioned booth, watching her mate as he did the same. 

“What are you going to get?” Rowan asked. Aelin opened her mouth to respond before he interrupted. “Wait, no - let me guess. A medium-rare, absolutely massive steak with fried potatoes, and a fizzy drink?”

Aelin grinned. “Exactly. Great job, buzzard. Now let me guess; a curry that you will burn your tongue on like you do every single time, an iced tea and some bread?”

Rowan barked a laugh. “Exactly.”

They ordered just that, and enjoyed the meal. Aelin groaned improperly as she took her first bite of steak, sounding enough like another activity that Rowan shot her an annoyed look. 

“Sometimes I can’t tell if food or me gives you more pleasure,” he hissed across the table. 

“Can’t it be both?” Rowan was not pleased with that, and to Aelin’s delight her husband glared at her plate for the next ten minutes, as if it were another man who had stolen her away. 

They talked of their days and their plans for the next coming weeks. Rowan was working every day on the building of the library, which was coming along speedily, most likely thanks to his Fae strength and speed. He’d even begun to help with the design aspect of the building, something Aelin wholeheartedly trusted him with. “By this time next year, you will most likely be picking out books to stock the library with,” Rowan told her. A task Aelin was most excited for, and already planning to enlist Dorian with. 

Finlas brought them a huge chocolate cake free of charge. “Oh no, we couldn’t,” Aelin protested, reaching for her wallet. “It’s really to trouble at all-”

“Stop, Your Majesty,” Finlas said gently. “After what you’ve done for us - you deserve all the food in this restaurant for free.” At Aelin’s confusion, he explained; “I was a victim to a Valg raiding of my village. They took my son for their army, but…Your Majesty made sure he was safe. I have my son back now.” 

“That was all Yrene, not me,” she managed to say, overcome with grief for Finlas. 

Finlas shook his head. “No, Majesty. It was because of Lady Yrene, but you were the one who saved Lady Westfall, and then sent Lord Chaol to the Southern Continent to heal. Because of your kindness, you saved my son, no matter how distant the efforts were.” 

Aelin couldn’t see through the blur of tears, and gave Finlas a watery smile. “Thank you.”

__

They walked back to the castle, the sky even darker. Aelin smiled as she looked around, surrounded by people walking through the city. Laughter filled the air, the type of laughter she hadn’t heard in a while. She pulled Rowan into an alleyway abruptly, ignoring his yelp of surprise. 

“Thank you, Rowan,” she said to him. “My day was shit and now…you turned it into a happy day. You…you truly just know me so well. It still surprises me sometimes.” 

Rowan smiled down at her, his face soft and open in a way she knew it only was for her. “Anything for my Fireheart.” 

He bent his head and kissed her. She drew him down, opening the kiss. She felt him wrap a shield around them and glanced over, giggling when she saw him using his power to prop large slates of wood to separate their alley from the bustling town square. The noise disappeared, the only sound their ragged breaths. 

“I love you,” she breathed, tipping her head back as he pulled her shirt off. His nostrils flared as he took her in, gripping her waist, rubbing his thumb over her skin. 

“I love you too,” he gritted out, his eyes near black. He leaned forward and Aelin couldn’t help her loud moan as he went to work on her upper assets. She felt him huff a laugh onto her skin, and managed to pant out a; “What?”

“I made you moan louder than when you ate that steak,” he smirked, staring up at her with an expression of complete male satisfaction. She laughed, but went quiet as he claimed her mouth. 

Quickly they were both only in their lower undergarments, standing in their piles of clothes. Aelin shifted impatiently, waiting for him to take her against the brick, but he was examining the wall with concern. “What are you waiting for?” she begged.

“This seems...unsanitary,” he frowned. She whined, but he still wouldn’t move - at least, until she dragged her fingers down, down his stomach…

__

Later, he rolled off of her, both of them panting. After the alley, they’d dressed and hurried home before he took her twice more. She should give Beor and Alys a raise, honestly. 

Aelin sunk into the pillows, sleep already overtaking her. She was so glad they’d invested in this luxurious, massive bed. Rowan laid on top of her, his head on her heart, and Aelin’s arms encircled him, fingers toying with his hair. With her mate laying with her like this, the plush mattress beneath her, the soft blankets, and the feeling of happy exhaustion from the pleasure of before, she was in heaven. But just before sleep took her, her mate interrupted the peaceful silence. 

“Fireheart,” he whispered into the darkness, “did you have a good day?”

Aelin smiled down at her mate, knowing the male in her arms was the male she’d worship and adore for the rest of her days. “Yes, Buzzard. Yes I did.”

So hyped!!

Masterlist - Unlikely Revenges Demand Ageless Designs (URDAD)

Aelin, a biomedical engineer, spends her days maintaining Mistward General’s equipment. Also teaching Dr. Whitethorn, her best friend’s dad, how to use the new state-of-the-art machines for his lab, but that’s off the record.

Imagine her surprise when her boyfriend and her best friend show up at the ER because of a sex injury.

Now Aelin must decide how to get back at Chaol, but her best friend?

Her dad will do.

best friend’s dad; co-workers; age gap (24 + 40)

the filthiest fluff

MY SUMMER BREAK STARTS TODAY AND I CHOOSE TO WRITE SMUT THE ENTIRE MONTH. This won’t affect LAUN’s updates, I’m just classless and happy and in a silly little mood.

~~

PART 1 - Adenine: paired with U (OUT TOMORROW)

You can get notifications when I update by either following me on @backtobl4ck-fics or entering my (sometimes glitchy) tag list!!

Tag list: @aelinchocolatelover @autumnbabylon @bookcide @booksandteaonarainydayislife @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @courtofjurdan @dreamer-133 @elentiyawhitethorn @elizarikaallen @fangirlprincess09 @goddess-aelin @gracie-rosee @leiawritesstories @lululululululuop @renxzs @rowanaelinn @superspiritfestival @swankii-art-teacher @s-uppertime @thegreyj @violet-mermaid7 @wishfulimaginings

Couldn’t tag the people in bold, sorry!

@backtobl4ck @writtenonreceipts, and any others who’d like to add: Fanfic canons/prompts??? I don’t have any ideas lmao

Open for ACOTAR, TOG and Red White and Royal Blue

THANK YOU

<33333

This is one of the only fanarts of them that I think really captures this couple 💜💜

Rowan twined his fingers in hers and whispered, awe in every word, “For you, Fireheart. All of it is for you.”

Rowaelin 💚 commissioned with my super talented and good friend artoffrostandflame

I love this SO MUCH!! What happened to them??

Thanks for the extra long chapter Maria! Happy Speak Now day!! 💜💜💜

Look at Us Now - ch. 12

I’m dedicating this chapter to @taylorswift because today is Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) day. In the album’s honor, Rowan’s getting Aelin with those green eyes baby as the lights go down and giving something that’ll haunt her when he’s not around lmao

Warnings: language, NSFW

Words: 4,2K

Aelin was very close to murdering the next person who dared say she was glowing.

She didn’t feel like glowing when she was suspended from the OR until she got back from maternity leave—and no, Rowan had no idea the reason that happened was because she almost passed out mid-surgery.

She didn’t feel like glowing now that she had fatigue and back pain most of the time.

She didn’t feel like glowing now that she had a monthiversary to attend and a belly too big to wear something cute. Aelin frowned at the maternity towel she was wearing. Even those had to be in a whole new size for her.

Groaning, she sat on the bed. She’d meet the Whitethorns once again at the monthly birthday party Sellene threw to her daughter, and the only thing Aelin wanted was to look nice. It was so easy a few months ago, but a nightmare now that none of her cute clothes would fit, and even her Crocs felt like rubber socks because of her swollen feet. Crocs. Her discomfort while pregnant was so big she surrendered to the ugliest shoes imaginable.

Aelin’s preferred thing to wear at home was the biggest dress she could find. Period. Pants became a nuisance when she was peeing more often than not. At least she was in her own house now—the fourth one Aelin lived in since finding out about the pregnancy—and could be grouchy all she wanted.

She stared at her open closet, but wasn’t really looking at it. Just letting the hollowness in her chest take over.

Three knocks on her bedroom door. “Are you ready?”

Aelin groaned. “I don’t wanna go.”

“Oh, thank God.” Rowan’s shoulders dropped, and he immediately texted his cousin while rambled, “I get celebrating milestones, but who in their right mind would invite every Whitethorn in this city to their house every month? Who’s benefiting from those parties?“

Aelin snorted. “Not you.”

“Definitely not me.” He pocketed his phone and sat on the bed by her side. “Alright, now why don’t you want to go?”

She crossed her arms over her belly. “My nice clothes are too small.”

“What?” Rowan asked as if that observation was absurd. “What about the White Hawks jersey you stole from me? I bet that’s the nicest thing you own, pregnancy-sized or not.”

”Not funny.” She only borrowed that out of necessity. Aelin gave him a long look, then looked down at her bump. “I look like I have a watermelon strapped to myself.”

“What about it?”

Her eyes widened. “Are you being serious right now?”

She wasn’t upset just because of the belly. It just added up to the stretch marks, the limited options of clothes, the constant pain, the insomnia—

“What? I—“ Rowan leaned closer to her, looking lost. “What do you want me to say, Aelin? Of course you’re bigger. You’re carrying my baby. That doesn’t make you any less beautiful than you were before.” He caressed her shoulder, eyes roaming through her body as they got a little darker. “In fact…”

“What?” She asked, quickly enthralled by his eyes and hand on her.

Rowan leaned his forehead against her with his eyes closed and whispered, “Do you need me to show you how attractive you still are?”

Aelin licked her lips, trying to think of something to say as the pleasant tingling in her body took over and clouded her thoughts.

He cupped her cheek. “Say yes.”

“Please.”

He took her mouth, kissing her in a gentle and urgent manner at the same time. With her arms wrapped around him, Aelin opened up for him and swirled her tongue around his, making him groan.

She tugged at his clothes. Rowan broke the kiss and complied, but not without taking her towel off as well. He took her in, languid eyes assessing her body and making her shiver with his hungry gaze.

Rowan laid next to her and leaned in for another long kiss, and Aelin’s heart was as strong as her knees got weak. He trailed gentle kisses down her breasts, the dark line on her stomach, the stretch marks on her hips.

“You’re perfect,” he murmured against her bump, caressing it with his eyes closed.

Aelin’s heart skipped a beat. There were three words she felt a lot like screaming, but her tongue seemed tangled in knots when she opened her mouth.

The hand on her bump slid to her folds, making her breath hitch. Rowan kissed his way down until his mouth reached her clit, and—

She groaned. Not a good groan.

His head popped over her belly. “What?”

“I can’t see you down there.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “And you don’t like it.”

”Well, I do like it.” Aelin sat on the bed and tried to look as reassuring as she could. “But I want you, not some ghost pussy-eater—“

“A what?” He asked with widened eyes, his face somewhere between confusion and amusement.

Aelin’s mouth opened and closed as she thought about what came out of her mouth a second ago. “Shut up.”

Rowan chuckled and laid down beside her on the bed, spooning her close as his hand sneaked down her front. “Is this better?”

“Perfect.” Aelin’s breath hitched when he touched her again, her body filled with warmth. “You can also fuck me like this, you know?”

“What if…” he trailed, putting the engines inside his brain to work. “I didn’t?”

Aelin’s face faltered. “What.”

He looked pained beside her. “I don’t want to hurt the baby.”

“Ro…” Aelin turned around to face him and clamped her lips together, trying to take him seriously. “After all the pregnancy books you read, I can’t believe you’re worried about this.”

“I know how you like things. It’s not cervix-friendly.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “And I don’t want the baby to be born with a sunken forehead.”

She couldn’t do it anymore. Aelin took off the invisible seal on her mouth and let out a loud cackle, laughing into his shoulder. From the way it was shaking too, he didn’t seem too upset.

Looking up, she stroked his cheek with her thumb. “Do you know what you’re being right now?”

The smile he wore lit her up from inside out. “A big Buzzard?”

“The biggest of all Buzzards,” she muttered into his lips.

Rowan didn’t reply, he just held her face and kissed her again. It started sweet, with his lips brushing against hers while he caressed her everywhere he could, but he couldn’t control the level of heat after her tongue was in. Aelin brushed her hands over his abs while giving long, fervent kisses.

She whimpered when he got to her neck. “I miss your weight on me.”

Rowan moved them so he was spooning her now. Her belly was too big for him to be comfortably over her, so this was their best option now.

“Is this okay?” He asked against the shell of her ear, making her shiver.

“Perfect,” she breathed when his hand met her folds, stroking before he pressed against her clit. She moaned, intoxicated by his heat spreading under her skin.

Rowan plunged one finger in and then another, making her grind against his fingers. His voice sounded nearly broken when he said, “You’re so wet, I could—“

“Do it.”

He adjusted Aelin’s legs in one swift motion and thrust inside her in another, making her a whimpering mess while he worked her open from behind. Rowan trailed kisses on the side of her neck and teased her breast as he set a rhythm. Aelin was squirming, feeling like she was bursting and drowning with pleasure at the same time.

Rowan fucked her in a languid pace, purring sweet nothings about how pretty she looked and how well she was taking his cock. Aelin's nerves were on fire, and she completely lost sense of composure when his hand went back to her clit.

He wasn’t slapping her ass while sinking so deep she struggled to stay upright, but Aelin liked soft Rowan. She liked this very much.

Her walls clenched around his cock, making his thrusts get erratic and harder than he was previously doing, and that’s what made her go over the edge. Aelin cried out his name, pulsing while shockwaves gripped her body. The noises he was making became strangled, before Rowan thrust one last time and came undone behind her.

He trailed a few kisses from her neck to her shoulder and sank into the mattress, still hugging her close. However, Aelin took two deep breaths and got up as fast as she could.

“Where are you going?” He asked, frowning.

“Squashed bladder!” She called over her shoulder while waddling her way to her suite’s bathroom.

Aelin sat on the toilet, feeling the relief that was just partially because of her bladder getting empty. She closed her eyes. Her heart was leaping, somersaulting inside her fluttering chest. This was good, one step closer to where she wanted to get. Things got too domestic, too cozy for it to be with her platonic co-parent she had non-platonic feelings for. She couldn’t take the friendship arrangement much longer.

Aelin‘s heart stopped when she saw blood on her toitet paper, but relaxed again when she noticed it was very faint and browinsh. Just a little spotting. She’d keep an eye on it, but it was a common thing during pregnancy. Especially after having sex. She smiled at the thought, still a little giddy.

Back on the bed, she didn’t bother getting dressed again before sinking into Rowan’s embrace.

“Everything okay?” He asked while stroking her hair.

She snuggled into him. “Sure thing.”

“I didn’t hurt you? The baby feels alright? Because I read pregnancy sex can hurt—“

“I’m great, Buzzard.” Aelin snorted. “Just a little spotting, but it’s fine.”

Rowan jumped into a sitting position. “You’re bleeding?”

“What? No!”

“I know what spotting is. It’s blood.”

“Rowan, calm down.” She tugged on his arm until he was laid down with her again, but it did nothing to loosen those tight shoulders of his. “It’s a normal thing, but I’ll keep an eye on it, okay? If it continues or if anything else happens, I’ll let you know.”

His eyes looked anguished when he asked, “You promise?”

She gave him a reassuring smile. “Of course.”

“Because you don’t tell me things sometimes. I hate it.”

“Buzzard,” she teased.

They stayed there for a moment, studying each other. She rubbed his frown with her thumb, making him give her a faint smile.

“Aelin, I—“ he sighed into her hair. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

She blinked, slowly processing how her heart sank with his words. Did ‘anymore’ mean ‘while you’re pregnant’ or ‘ever again’?

“Is it because of the spotting?”

He hugged her tighter. “I don’t wanna take risks with the baby.”

“Of course,” was her only reply. She was a little numb, and didn’t know what to think.

If Rowan meant they shouldn’t take risks by starting a relationship and reinforced the reason they decided to stay friends, she was screwed.

If Rowan meant they wouldn’t be having sex while she was pregnant, Aelin would need to wait at least a month after birth to seduce him into being with her.

At least the orgasm made her drowsy enough to sleep.

˜˜

Aelin Galathynius was a woman of many vices.

Her biggest one? Chocolate.

Today, it started when she craved a little dessert after lunch, just to find out her fridge was empty of sweets. And her stash of chocolate. Also the secret stash in her closet as well. If the drawer Maisie hid the sweets she stole was empty too, Aelin would be lost.

Her chest got a little tighter when she reached Maisie’s room. The little girl was staying at her dad’s this weekend, and Aelin missed her sweet tooth buddy and occasional chocolate thief.

When Rowan texted last Friday night to let her know there was some unexplained chocolate in Maisie’s backpack, Aelin didn’t think her daughter would take all the sweets and leave her high and dry. But from the lack of illicit food in Maisie’s usual hiding places, it sounded like Aelin didn’t know her daughter at all.

That’s okay, she could be mature about this. She could get her car keys and go to the convenience store for more variety, or walk one block to the playground and hope she’d find something nice at the vending machine. But what she could no longer do is deny herself a woman’s greatest desire.

After putting sunscreen and her sandals on, Aelin faced the short walk to the park. That unforgiving sun burned her shoulders the entire time, and it was a relief when she noticed the trees were shading some of the benches.

There was a shift in Aelin’s mood the moment she got to the vending machine. Reese’s! The selection was good today—

Aelin jerked when she felt something poking her leg, but relaxed again when she saw it was just Maisie. Frowning.

“Hey, Mais. I didn’t see you there.”

Aelin didn’t get her usual warm greeting, though. The little girl had her Whitethorn frown on. “You didn’t say ‘hi’ when you got here.”

“Honey, I didn’t know you were here. I’m so sorry.”

Aelin’s heart twisted with guilt, but she peppered Maisie’s face with kisses until that little pout gave space to a giggle.

“I’m playing basketball with Daddy and the other big people.”

They weren’t in the playground, then. That explained why Aelin didn’t see her. She crouched down and playfully squinted her eyes at her little girl. “Well, I am here because my chocolate went missing.”

“Intwesting.” Maisie narrowed her eyes at her mother. “Because you told me there was none.”

Aelin narrowed her eyes back. It was a battle of wills now, and neither of them would give in. Forcing Maisie to admit she took Aelin’s chocolate from the secret stash would mean admitting there was a secret stash to begin with. Not an option right now.

Aelin’s shoulders dropped in resignation. She refused to fight with her five-year-old daughter over chocolate. “Anyway, I’m buying more. Want some?”

The little girl’s eyes lit up like a Yulemas tree. “Yes!”

She chuckled and let Mais pick some. Aelin hid some of her sweets just to control the kid’s sugar intake and Rowan’s complaints about it, but it’d be cruel to buy some for herself in front of her daughter and not share.

It was nice, having some mother-daughter bonding time over chocolate and gummy bears. The shaded bench they found almost made Aelin forget how hot today was.

“I’m gonna miss this candy so much.” Maisie had her eyes blissfully closed and let out a sigh of delight. “We need to go back to the candy machine.”

Yep, this kid was Aelin’s. No mistakes there.

She playfully pinched Maisie’s side, making her squeal. “What would your father think of that?”

“Nothing, because he’s not here.”

“That’s…“ genius. So accurate. Aelin’s mouth hung open for a beat. Who raised this smarty-pants? She shook the idea off her head. “nope. We can’t do that. Let’s go find your dad.”

Maisie took the remaining chocolate, but then extended her hand back to Aelin. “Do your girl pants have pockets today?”

She gave a saucy wink, making the little girl giggle. “Sure thing, hun.”

They found Rowan at the small field, playing basketball with Lorcan and a few other neighbors they weren’t exactly friends with, but were often around here on weekends too.

Rowan was playing shirtless. His ripped back flexed as he picked up Charlie so the boy could reach the hoop and score a point. Something about him shirtless and teaching little kids how to play basketball gave her a flutter in the chest, and a wildfire in lower places than she was willing to admit.

His sweaty, bronze skin was gleaming under the Doranellian sun, and the way it highlighted his six pack and pecs was absolutely maddening. Aelin’s heartbeat stopped and came back at full speed. Rowan was running, working those burly thighs and showing some side muscles she learned about in med school, but could swear were myths. Looking at him like that, Aelin felt on fire, off-balance, out of breath.

˜˜

“And what did you do?” Yrene asked.

“I didn’t stay to play, if that’s what you’re asking. You know damn well I wouldn’t be looking at the ball.”

Her therapist tried and failed to hide a chuckle. “I just don’t understand why you’re upset over this.”

“Yrene, that game was obscene. You should’ve seen the other moms ogling him.”

“Taking his shirt off was understandable, given the weather.”

Aelin decided to mimic him with one hand. “Oh, it’s me, Rowan! Look at my shiny abs as I play basketball with little kids!” She looked at his hand as if it offended her, but continued. “I just love to tease everyone in this family-oriented park!”

Yrene leaned back on her chair, head tilted. “Is that how you see his point of view?”

“Alright.” Aelin crossed her arms, looking away. “Maybe I felt personally attacked by Rowan’s abs.”

“And why’s that?”

“Do you really want me to get graphic here? Voice every thought I had?”

She snorted. “That’s up to you. I’m literally your therapist.”

Aelin squinted her eyes at her therapist. “This is all your fault.”

Knowing all of Aelin’s mechanisms or whatever shrinks call it, Yrene leaned closer to Aelin, eyes glinting with hidden amusement and hands under her chin. “How so?”

“I’ve got my therapy, family therapy, all this quality time, now Dr. Blackbeak’s finally lowering my dose of the antidepressants. Things are so much better and…” Aelin looked away and swallowed. Things were better, and the only thing getting worse was the huge lump in the throat she got as a side effect. “all of this got me thinking about how things would’ve looked like if I hadn’t left.”

”You always tell me you two were never in a relationship.”

That fact was just another reason she felt like her heart was being squeezed lately. “It’s complicated.”

”No matter what label you used, you need to remind yourself that—“

“I did my best in the situation I was given, I know,” Aelin repeated that motto in a tight tone and ran a hand through her hair. “I knew there was no coming back when I did that.”

Yrene tilted her head. ”Are you speaking for yourself? Because you can’t decide that on Rowan’s behalf.”

Aelin squinted her eyes at her therapist. “You’re onto something.”

“I’m not onto anything.” She chuckled. A schemer’s chuckle. Or just a chuckle from someone who Aelin mindlessly blamed when she was called out. Yrene continued, “You told me an obstacle, and I’m questioning if it’s real.” She checked the time on her computer screen. “And our time’s up. Same time next week?”

Aelin said her goodbyes and got up. The session’s time was up, but she knew that whatever she chose to do about these old feelings, she first had to figure out how he felt about it all.

She just needed to start with the harder part. Wonderful.

Rowan, who decided to be her therapy escort when he found out her sessions happened on his free afternoons, was sat in the waiting room, reading a book and wearing… glasses?

“What are those?” Aelin blurted.

She had asked him to go to the eye doctor a couple of months ago, but assumed he had forgotten about his promise.

Rowan jerked on the chair. “What?”

“On your face.”

“Glasses?” He took them off and studied the thing too. “I got them a while ago. Turns out they’re great for reading.”

“Huh,” was all Aelin could muster. She blinked and thanked Mala when he closed the book and didn’t put them back. Yrene had another patient now, Aelin couldn’t go back and open another Pandora box about how good he looked with rounded glasses.

“Hey.” Rowan got up and took her wrist, stroking it in circling motions with his thumb. “Did it go well?”

“Perfect.”

Aelin smiled as if she hadn’t paid good money to vent about how slutty he looked last weekend.

˜˜

It was near impossible to shut her mind off during the short drive to Maisie’s school. The hardest part is that they were going to the theater with Sellene’s daughter after. It was a play meant for children, but Aelin really wanted to be able to pay attention to The Little Mermaid tonight. A classic is a classic.

Aelin got out of the car in the packed parking lot, feeling the wind tug at her clothes. It’d take them longer than usual to leave today, considering they were taking Breanna without Sellene there. She could always trust Rowan to pick the school with the toughest security measures.

They walked side by side, children and their parents‘ chattering as their background noise. Rowan looked good with loosened shoulders and no frown in sight. He wasn’t wearing a smile—a view reserved almost exclusively for his family—but she knew his lips would tug up the second he saw Maisie.

It’d be so weird to show up six years after they last hooked up asking how he felt about her. Especially when they’d still talk to each other the other day. She needed to listen to the signs before acting, but it was so hard sometimes.

Rowan was a practical person. He could’ve decided to accompany her to therapy because it was close to Maisie’s school and they’d both need to go there after. His decision could be motivated by an undying love for the mother of his child, or something as romantic as reducing carbon monoxide emissions. And Rowan did care about carbon monoxide. He said so the night they met.

Even if he really cared about her, she was the other half of his little broken family. Wishing her well was no indication of romantic feelings.

Aelin shoved her thoughts aside when she saw Maisie and Bree coming her way, and crouched for the crushing hug that was coming. Those small bodies combined almost knocked her down on the floor, but Aelin wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Mommy!” Maisie yelled, “Did you know Bree’s never been to the Peter?”

“The theater, Mais,” Rowan corrected around a chuckle.

Aelin caressed the girl’s pale blonde hair. “Is that right, Bree?”

She gave a shy nod, making her smile. Holy rutting Mala, those strong Whitethorn genes. When they were side-by-side and wearing the same uniform like this, Sellene’s daughter looked like Maisie’s shy twin.

“You’re gonna love the Peter, Bree!” Her daughter yelled and flailed her arms around, filled with excitement. “The screen has a huge hole where the people go.”

“Calm down, you two.” Rowan playfully tugged at Maisie’s pigtails. “The play is just next week.”

“No, it’s not.” Aelin turned to Rowan and tilted her head. “I checked the tickets this morning. It’s definitely today.”

“Aelin, she can’t go.” He lowered his voice. “Her flu shot, remember?”

“Are you talking about the flu shot she got last week?”

“This one exactly.” He crossed his arms, giving her a hard look. “It has a two-week immunity window—“

Aelin mirrored his expression, feeling her muscles tighten. “I’m a doctor, I’m aware—“

“And I’m not putting Maisie in a theater with hundreds of kids without being sure that—“

“I want to see Ariel!” The little girl’s wail interrupted them. Her face was reddened already and filled with tears, and Breanna was on her side, whispering anything a five-year-old deemed soothing.

“We are.” She gave Rowan a hard look and crouched next to Maisie, caressing the little girl’s head. ”That’s just your father being your father. He’s been careful like that with you since you were inside my belly, did you know that?”

Maisie shook her head and sniffed. Well, that was on Aelin. She didn’t talk much about the time she was pregnant, but she’d do anything to make her little girl smile.

“Do you know what I’d call him back then?” A pause to spark Maisie’s interest. “A Buzzard.”

“Like the bird?”

“You’re right.“ With her index finger, Aelin mimicked the animal with sweeping movements around Maisie’s head. “That bird that keeps flying close by, watching you all the time.”

Aelin watched her daughter expectantly, waiting until her brain made the right connections. Maisie perked up a beat later, her pine-green eyes slowly widening.

“That’s Daddy!” She turned to her father, pointed a finger at him and shouted, “Buzzard!”

Aelin was chuckling at Maisie’s newfound source of excitement, trying to bury the weight in her chest, when she saw Rowan’s face. He didn’t say a word, just let Maisie repeat the nickname over and over around him as he vacantly stared at Aelin. Her face faltered. He swallowed, and his gaze on her was so intense she looked away.

That was so tone-deaf of her, and Rowan clearly didn’t like it. Just because Aelin was reminiscing these days, didn’t mean he wanted that too.

“Come on, Bree.” Aelin tugged on the girl’s hand. “Let’s see how long it takes before your teacher lets you leave without your mom here.”

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this was so good! I'm a sucker for fight-and-make-up types of fics 🥰🥰this hit the spot!!

all through July i have a goal to write, write, write. happy birthday to me! so to start off here's a little something i had come to mind! enjoy!

#

Apologies and Anniversaries

Rowan had two things on his mind as he left his office Monday night. First, he needed to find the largest bouquet of lilies and kingsflame and buy it, second to find the largest box of chocolate and buy that too. Maybe two boxes of chocolates.

It was rather unfortunate that he had come to the point of buying his wife gifts in the hopes that she would forgive him and not be mad over the fact that he had been working far too much lately. And he knew Aelin well enough that she really wouldn’t be mad. Maybe, hopefully, not even say anything about it.

Unfortunately, Rowan had screwed up more than any man ever should.

He’d missed their one-year anniversary.

And Aelin had been planning a weekend getaway for them in the Staghorns. So instead of spending it together Aelin had gone off to the cabin out in the mountains and Rowan stayed in the city to work.

Flowers and chocolates would not be enough. Not nearly.

Hell she was going to kill him. And if anyone could get away with murder, it was Aelin Whitethorn Galathynius.

After Rowan managed to secure the flowers and chocolates—the florist giving a long shake of her head and a whispered good luck—he made it home just before seven.

The apartment they lived in was less than ideal. Located smack in a city with too much traffic and not enough space it was less than ideal. Ever since they’d gotten married, they had wanted to find a house, something small but a home they could call their own. Though, as long as they were together, Rowan was happy.

As he fumbled with his keys, Rowan began to rehearse what he would say.

A client had a meltdown and I was the only one who could do anything.

We can watch as many reruns of Friends as you want.

Fenrys was useless in helping me out.

I’m sorry I’m such an idiot.

The client was worth fifty percent of my paycheck.

I’m quitting my job tomorrow.

None of them seemed to be enough.

Aelin knew of course how important his job was—she was a career woman herself and was working on applying to a doctoral program at Terrasen U. They respected each other for their desires and careers, hell, it had been what attracted Rowan to her in the first place.

Rowan entered the quiet apartment and did his best to not drop the flowers of the chocolates. He shut the door with a soft kick and headed deeper into the apartment. Aelin was nowhere in sight. Rowan wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He set the flowers and chocolates on the dining room table and tried his best not to sound guilty when he called out.

“Hey, I’m home.”

No response.

He was definitely in trouble.

“Babe?” He looked down the hall toward their bedroom but there wasn’t any indication that she was there.

Sitting on the counter was a take-out menu for their favorite Thai food. Maybe this wasn’t as bad as he thought it was.

“Well, well, well.”

Rowan winced at the tone of Aelin’s voice and looked up as she entered the kitchen.

Aelin swept by wearing the silk robe Rowan bought for her on her birthday a few months ago. The robe was short and thin, hardly covering anything. She didn’t look at him as she poured herself a glass of ginger ale. She did however notice the flowers and chocolate.

The look she gave him could have cut steel.

“Aelin,” he began, though he really had no idea what he would say.

The woman in question took a long sip of her drink as she continued watching him.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Aelin snorted. She walked to the kitchen table and ran finger over one of the lilies. The touch was so gentle and careful.

“I am mad at you,” she said finally. Sighing, Aelin set the still fizzing soda down and gathered the flowers, taking a long moment to breathe them in. The small smile she had was enough that Rowan could hope she wouldn’t try killing him tonight.

“I know,” he said.

She found a vase hiding away in one of their cabinets and filled it with water before neatly arranging the flowers. Once again, she traced one of the lilies lightly, an almost distant look growing in her eyes.

“I tried,” Rowan said as he ran a hand through his hair. “I did everything I could to get out of working. But Perrington insisted I had to be the one to pass off on anything in the project. And after the stock market shutdown…”

It all sounded very, very bad in his head and Rowan hated himself for every word that came out of his mouth.

“I will make it up to you,” he said. “I don’t know how but I will.”

Aelin set the vase back on the table and looked up at him, tears brimming her lashes.

Knowing he was entirely the one at fault for all of this, Rowan went quickly to her side and cupped her face in his hands. He brushed the tears from her eyes before they had a chance to fall.

“Fireheart,” he began.

Aelin shook her head but didn’t pull away from his touch. “I’m fine.”

Rowan wasn’t entirely sure that he believed her, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled her into a tight embrace. She growled into his chest.

“I’m still mad at you,” came her muffled words.

“That’s fine,” he said. He pulled back only to kiss her forehead again and trail kisses down her cheek to the corner of her lips.

Aelin pulled away from him then to frown. “You don’t get to kiss me and think you're forgiven.”

“I wasn’t expecting to be,” Rowan replied, even though that was what he was hoping for. He rested his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him.

“I am just as important as work,” she added. “More. I was really looking forward to our weekend together, Ro. I planned everything.”

“It will never happen again,” he promised, “I’ll make sure of it.”

Aelin sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Good, because I have something for you.”

Before Rowan could speak, Aelin hurried back down the hall to their room. Rowan almost followed. But just as quickly as she’d gone, she was back with a small black bag in hand, white tissue paper poking out in every direction.

“What’s this?” he asked, still utterly confused.

“Happy anniversary,” Aelin said as she handed him the bag.

Rowan looked at her confused. “We said no presents.”

His wife merely shrugged and gave him a small smile as more tears slipped from her eyes.

Having no idea what to think, Aelin wasn’t much of a crier, Rowan pulled out the tissue paper from the bag until his hand grabbed something far more solid than paper. He pulled out a rolled-up piece of fabric and carefully unfolded it.

At first, Rowan had no idea what to make of it. First was the long, thin piece of plastic, then was the tiny scrap of fabric that was certainly not a new nightgown for Aelin.

Rowan frowned as he looked at the items. “Fireheart?”

He spoke so softly as he looked at what was in his hands; the little baby onesie with simple script Coming Soon on the front and a pregnancy test.

“Fireheart,” he said again, trying to put a bit more force behind his voice, but emotion was welling quickly in his throat.

Aelin laughed then and ran her hands over her cheeks as she cried. “I’m pregnant, Ro. We’re having a baby.”

Without second thought, Rowan set the onesie and pregnancy test on the table and drew Aelin to him. He gently wiped the tears from her skin and cupped her face in his hands knowing there were tears in his eyes too.

“I love you,” Rowan said as he leaned in to press a kiss to Aelin’s forehead. “I love you.” A chaste kiss to her lips. “I love you.” Lower until he knelt before her, hand ghosting up and down the bare skin of her thighs. He pressed a kiss to her belly through the thin silk robe.

Aelin laughed again and ran her hands through his hair, her nails scratching lightly against his scalp.

“Oh really? Because aren’t you the one who left me all alone on our anniversary?” Her playful tone ended abruptly when Rowan’s tightened against her thighs and he slowly stood up, his fingers running in hot trails up her body.

“Mmm,” he hummed. “I have more apologizing to do, don’t I?”

“Yes,” Aelin said simply and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss.

Rowan swept her into his arms, her legs immediately wrapping around his waist. He nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth, promising exactly how he planned on apologizing.

“Well, I think I know just how to start,” he said and carried her down to their room.

end.

#

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LOVE - Maria, your work always blows me away!! <33

Drawing up the Plans

If you saw my struggle here, now you know that I made it 🥳 ! Kinda. I still need to post a part 2 since I had no time to make it the oneshot it was meant to be. But it’s not midnight where I live yet so it’s pretty much still Rowan’s birthday loll

I’m also using a prompt from @rowaelinprompts

Happy birthday to Rowan!! Here’s a birthday fic

Warnings: language

Words: 940

Fenrys: if we were to throw a hypothetical party this sunday

Fenrys: would you be mad if i brought asterin?

His girl for the month. Rowan rolled his eyes at his phone while pressing the elevator button, eager to get to his house and rest. He texted back:

Rowan: You’re throwing a hypothetical party on my birthday?

Fenrys: kinda

He pressed on the button again, as if it would come faster. For fuck’s sake, when Rowan moves to a new place after he graduates, he’ll sure check how fast the elevators are.

The answer was decided, Rowan was just thinking of the best way to put it. Fenrys would bring this girl to the “surprise” party, force Rowan to interact with this stranger and have pictures of her there for the rest of his life, just to get bored of her within the month like he usually does.

Rowan: No.

Fenrys: i can ask her to bring you a friend

Fenrys: as a hypothetical birthday gift

Rowan: No. You can give her a slice of cake after the party is over.

Rowan: Correction: The hypothetical party

When the elevator arrived, Rowan couldn’t help but lean on its wall. Is this the moment he regretted not spending the summer with his family? He could be sipping beer with his cousins for free at Uncle Ellys’ beach house, but of course he’d refuse the plane ticket his parents offered as a birthday gift to stay in Varese, being yelled at by his boss because apparently his customer service smile was too weird.

The thing is: his regrets decreased significantly when he got home.

Rowan was first greeted by the smell of burnt food and the sound of animated characters arguing on the TV. By how loud it was, he had no idea how Aelin managed to fall asleep on the couch. He took his sneakers off and kept his footsteps as soft as possible as he turned the TV off and sat beside her sprawled body.

She was half-clutching a bowl of burnt cookies. Knowing Aelin, she was eating them out of stubbornness. It was the only answer, considering how they looked.

He moved a strand of hair off her face. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

Aelin’s eyes fluttered halfway open, just enough for her to settle around him, hug his middle and fall back asleep. Chuckling, he carefully picked her up to take her to her room before she got a sore neck.

When Vaughan moved out and Aelin asked to take his room in the apartment Rowan shared with Fenrys and Lorcan—and Elide from Thursdays to Mondays—he didn’t think much of it.

He didn’t think she’d sit on a stool and chat about their days while he chopped vegetables.

He didn’t think she’d fill his empty bathroom with six different hair masks and leave the bathroom smelling like lavender every time.

He didn’t think he’d fall head over heels in love with his friend.

Rowan quietly kicked her bedroom door open and placed her in the bed, his touch delicate as if Aelin was made of porcelain.

Once she was settled and Rowan was covering her with a blanket, she held his wrist. “Cuddles?”

A flood of warmth spread through Rowan’s body. He didn’t think twice before lying beside her on the bed, feeling her button nose nestle his collarbones for a few seconds before sliding against his neck and nuzzling his cheek.

More used to it each day, Rowan brushed his lips against hers. It was tender and idle, not quite matching the urge he felt with the way his blood hammered its way against his vessels, making his heart go a mile a minute. Aelin had her hand on his hair and cheek, playing their lips and tongue, nice and slow until he lost his mind.

The only reason he was letting her do that while half-awake was because it wasn’t their first time doing something like that, even if it wasn’t often, but Aelin was very awake in most of them. They never passed this stage—or even addressed what they were doing—and Rowan wouldn’t test her limits when she didn’t seem ready to cross them.

Feeling his heavy breathing, Aelin smiled against his lips. “You’re my favorite roommate, did you know that?”

He snorted. “Good to know it’s not Lorcan.”

Aelin wrinkled her nose, but pecked him once more after. “Do you have plans for your birthday?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Good.” She squeezed his middle, pressing her face close to his booming heart. “Don’t make any.”

Rowan brushed her hair back, watching her drift off again. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

He decided to wait a little more before leaving her room. Not to watch her sleep, just for… reasons he couldn’t think of now. Rowan caressed her scalp, considering the turmoil of feelings he’s been through since he became aware of his feelings for Aelin. And how much of a good kisser she is.

Rowan would be lying if he said he didn’t want to tackle all the bases at once with her. He’d do every single thing that never left his mind if he could, but some things are meant to stay between a man, his shower and his hand. Whatever plans she had for him, he only wanted to know if he could keep his hopes up at all.

Truth was, if Aelin decided she’d do nothing more than hold hands for the rest of her life, Rowan would just hope his skin wasn’t too dry.

The only thing he needed to know was if she wanted him as something more than a friend or not.

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AMAZING

if there’s time, I’d love a part 2! <3

I saw these two ex to lovers prompt and I can't choose so if you like them you can pick one or both idk ahaahaha

- sending their ex a book a day, the first word of each title spelling out an apology.

-ten years after their breakup one receives a letter inviting them to their exes wedding with a “help me” written in a tiny font on the bottom.

You Still Would’ve Been Mine

Written for my Drabblefest

I wrote both, but with a twist. I hope you like it 😆

PS it’s canonverse

960 words, no warnings

⨯ ⁺ ✦ ･ ｡ﾟ⨯ ﾟ♡ ✧* ･｡* ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

If Rowan listened to one more word about Terrasen or Adarlan, he was going to lose his mind.

He wasn’t even a useful prince, he had no idea what he was doing in Sellene’s Throne Room.

“The merchants won’t stop complaining ever since Adarlan made these new trade deals,” Uncle Ellys explained, “Terrasen’s goods got into the Adarlanian market like the plague.”

“Enda,” Sellene called from her throne. “send word to our spies.

After every other family member was dismissed with an assignment to do, it was just Rowan and Sellene there.

“C’mere.” She kindly requested him to come closer. “Rowan, we are losing Erliea’s biggest kingdoms. The Fae from Adarlan now have access to Terassen’s Fae liquor, magic hospitals, magic schools, every month is a new thing. And now this.” Sellene took a deep breath and rubbed a hand on her face, letting her shoulders drop for a moment. “I know you don’t talk about Terrasen, but I need you to tell me what you saw.”

“I saw nothing,” he answered with a neutral face, masking his tense body.

It was true. It was supposed to be a trip with Fenrys to visit Galan, and they ended up being guests in the Ashryver party to visit Terrasen.

Rowan’s presence wasn’t political, and the only thing he saw was walls ornate with gold, silk bedsheets and the top of pine trees when he was flying, using his hawk form to sneak in and out of the crown princess’ bedroom.

Rowan’s ground his teeth, his pulse racing. Well, that was before she not only backstabbed him, but his entire country as well.

“Okay, I got it,” Sellene said when she sensed the growing notes of rage in his smell. She bit his lip and fiddled with an envelope in her hand. “This came in for you.”

Rowan snatched it from her hands. “I thought the mail interceptions were over when Maeve died.”

Sel grimaced. “Lorcan gave me this one because he thought it was an exception, sorry. I didn’t open it, though.”

An exception indeed. Rowan opened the seal with one of his blades, wishing he could use it to stab the wedding invitation instead.

The King and Queen of Terrasen request the pleasure of your company—Rowan rolled his eyes—at the marriage of their daughter, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, to Duke Perrington, blah blah blah.

Rowan was once told it would be his name instead, but those promises were long gone.

I’m yours, she said, her smile lit through the darkness. Tell Sellene to request an official political alliance with a marriage proposal, and I’ll be officially yours.

Rowan was on a boat home the next day.

He shook his head, his heart constricting as he tried to shake off the memories too. Especially the ones of him learning, right before leaving Doranelle again, that Aelin’s hand was already promised to another.

Rowan’s eyes skimmed through the wedding invitation, until he found something that made his heart stop, the world world narrowing down to two little words in the bottom of the invitation, in a familiar handwriting.

Help me

“What?” Sellene said while snatching the invite from his hands. “Gods, I’m never talking about Terrasen with you again. Your smell gets weirder and weirder and— oh, shit.” She looked up, eyes widened and personal scent tinged with alarm. “Have you been in touch with her?”

“No.”

Sellene sent him a cut-the-bullshit look.

He crossed his arms. “She’s been sending me books. Just that.”

“Not a word? Just books?” She got up when Rowan nodded in confirmation. “Where do you keep them?”

They both shifted into their bird forms and flew out the window towards Rowan’s bedroom, where he kept a small collection of books he didn’t want to store in the Royal Library.

If Sellene heard how fast Rowan’s heart was beating, she didn’t show. His insides were quivering as he scrambled his mind for answers, but nothing came.

Sellene shifted back and frowned at the bookshelf, both hands on her hips. “Just the books, no letters attached?”

“Yes. These ones.” Rowan pointed at the books with one hand, fingers tangled in his hair with the other. “They’re in the order she sent, it stopped a couple of months ago.”

His cousin barely heard him, completely focused on the books. “Havelok the Dane, Erec and Enide, Laxdæla Saga and Piers Plowman.” Sellene’s index finger ran across these four book’s spines. “Side by side like this, as if they were in a box set, it kinda looks like they spell ‘help’.”

“What?” With his heart beating out of his chest, Rowan grabbed a piece of paper and scrabbled the titles there, in the order Aelin sent him.

Havelok the Dane

Erec and Enide

Laxdæla Saga

Piers Plowman

The Divine Comedy

Amadís de Gaula

The Decameron

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

The Owl and the Nightingale

Lancelot, the Knight of the Cart

Doon de Mayence

Le Morte d’Arthur

Egil’s Saga

His entire world halted when he put them all together, four words tearing down his walls of hurt and resentment.

Help, dad sold me.

Rowan felt dizzy, barely breathing as everything clicked together.

All the trade agreements, scholar exchange, diplomatic alliances between Terrasen and Adarlan he heard of. It was all because Rhoe sold his daughter to the highest bidder.

Over his dead body.

He ran to his room, grabbed his sword and a pouch with enough gold for three intercontinental trips—one to go, two to come back—and tucked his wedding invitation into his jacket’s pocket.

Sellene’s eyes were firm as she clutched his forearm, putting all her Fae strength into her crushing grip. “Do not. Cause. An international disaster.”

Rowan just shifted into his hawk form and flew to the nearest port.

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AJEEOSNWL ITS 6AM RIGHT NOW 😭😭😭😭😭

Look at Us Now - ch. 15

Fic masterlist

This is the last flashback😭😭 I’m emotional

Warnings: language, postpartum depression

Words: 3,3k

Aelin’s legs were burning. All of her muscles felt heavy, which didn’t help her back pain, and with a blurred vision and dulled senses, she kept gently bouncing on that yoga ball. And bouncing. And bouncing. Aelin had no idea for how long she had been doing this, but it was the only way Maisie would stop crying.

Looking around, the white walls of her new home were bare, no watch in sight. There was a TV, but Aelin was so stressed she might throw the remote against the screen. With her phone in her bedroom, the only thing she could do was look at Maisie and keep bouncing on that yoga ball.

Her baby looked blissful as ever, letting little squeals of delight when Aelin would get particularly anguished and push her legs harder than needed. It only made her feel worse.

Maisie. Her daughter’s toothless grins didn’t always make her feel rewarded, sometimes they felt more like a reminder of how oblivious her baby was to the disaster that was Aelin’s attempts at being a proper mother.

Aelin couldn’t quite swallow the lump in her throat, so it came back as tears streaming down her face, her heart constricting and bleeding as she wondered why. Why couldn’t she just muscle through this? Why did she flinch every time her baby began to cry? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about herself, her feelings and her fatigue when Aelin vowed to put Maisie first when she found out about the pregnancy?

She wiped away the mix of tears and sweat from her face, her sore legs now trembling. Aelin was a doctor, she knew what was about to happen. Her muscles were giving out, but she wouldn’t.

Maisie was a colicky baby, she’d recently found out. Hours of bouncing on a yoga ball was better than hours of listening to her scream bloody murder for no reason.

Aelin strained her legs harder, groaning through the pain. She saw Dr. Blackbeak recently, who confirmed her postpartum depression and told her to find time to put herself first, get a support system. That sounded like a joke now.

She muffled her screams with her forearm, her muscles feeling like they were being ripped to shreds. Aelin would’ve fallen on the floor if she hadn’t been at an arm’s length from the couch, but she dragged herself out of the yoga ball and laid on the couch.

Maisie’s first wail came the second Aelin stopped bouncing.

She shushed and soothed her daughter, but the longer she stayed away from the yoga ball, the louder those screams got, making Aelin wonder how her ears weren’t bleeding yet.

Her legs had rested for what? Thirty seconds? More than enough. God, she wished someone would’ve told her having a baby was harder than military training. When Aelin was getting out of the couch to get back to that damned yoga ball. She heard a car pulling up in the garage. Her shoulders immediately dropped, some tension in her body immediately being released. Rowan was here.

Except that when the door was opened, the person that came through it was Dorian Havilliard.

She frowned. “What are you doing here?”

He pointed at her crying baby. “What’s wrong with that thing?”

Aelin’s eyes darted between Maisie and a very relaxed Dorian, an idea perking her up. She pointed at the yoga ball. “Can you sit on that thing for me?”

“What?”

“Sit on that thing now!” Aelin snapped, out-screaming Maisie.

Dorian ran towards it, his hand up in surrender. When he held the baby and bounced on the ball under his friend’s commands, the silence coming from Maisie was music to Aelin’s ears. She closed her eyes and let her muscles melt into the couch.

“Thank you,” Aelin told her friend, as earnest one could get. Still, despite her legs’ protests, she got up to get her phone.

She’d been debating for days if she’d use Dr. Blackbeak’s prescription, but the yoga ball was her last straw. If she couldn’t produce serotonin enough to go through her day, those synthetic doses would have to do.

“Where are you going?” Dorian asked.

“Getting my phone. I need to buy some meds.”

“Stay down.” He pointed at the couch, and took his phone out of his pocket without letting Maisie make a fuss. ”Here, take mine.”

In a matter of minutes, Aelin downloaded her online prescription in Dorian’s phone and ordered just the antidepressant to be delivered. She had two prescriptions, but the sleeping pills would require her to stop breastfeeding, and Aelin wasn’t ready for that yet.

“She’s asleep,” he announced, “can I sit on the couch too now?”

“No, keep bouncing.”

He frowned. “But my back hurts.”

“Good thing you’re an ortho.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, but complied. When he unlocked his phone, his eyebrows went up for a second, but he quickly forced his face back into neutrality. “I thought you’d stopped taking these.”

“So did I.” Aelin swallowed, her chest tightening to think of all the hard work she did to send her depression into remission, vanished. Dorian didn’t know details or the extent of her disorder, he just saw medication boxes and likely took his conclusions, until they weren’t there anymore. She never felt like telling, and he never asked.

In an attempt to stop Dorian from asking further questions, she took a—finally—asleep Maisie from his arms and placed her on the little bassinet that stayed wherever in the house Aelin was. In this case, the living room.

Still, her friend’s eyes never left Aelin. He had that little crease between his brows and a determined look in his eyes, a telltale sign of how much the engines in his mind were working, and Aelin just wanted to evaporate and leave his scrutinizing gaze.

Truth was, Dorian is so smart it’s annoying, and it’s not hard to piece together why a woman with a history of depression is buying antidepressants two months after giving birth.

“She’s got quite the lungs, huh?” Her friend’s voice was soft.

Aelin gave him a sidelong glance. “You haven’t seen half of it.”

He snorted, but his mood sobered before he asked, “And what about Hot Lieutenant?”

“He‘s a really good dad, and he helps me take a break at night and most weekends. He's been getting shitty work schedules ever since horny jail, though.”

”And when he isn’t here?”

Aelin smiled at her baby, and wiggled her fingers against her little tummy, careful enough to not wake her up. “Then Maisy Daisy and I have some girl time together.”

“Ouch.” Dorian pressed a hand to his chest in mock-offense. “And you didn’t invite me?”

“No, and here you are,” Aelin joked about the fact that he—thankfully—showed up at her house uninvited today.

“Yeah.” He stole a glance her way, his eyes tentative. “And I was wondering if you and Hot Lieutenant wouldn’t mind seeing me more often.”

Aelin frowned, her attention fully on Dorian this time. “What do you mean?

“You know I almost only work in the mornings so I can focus on the gym, but I clearly don’t need it since…” he gestured towards the yoga ball. “Your daughter’s a little personal trainer.”

She froze, already knowing where he was getting to. “Dorian, you don’t have to—“

He held a finger up. “I won’t even ask why you refuse to hire a nanny—“

”Rowan and I decided it’s too soon to trust a stranger—“

“Then let me help!” Dorian interrupted, his voice a little higher than what was safe in a place with a sleeping baby. “Look, Aelin, this isn’t about me or you.” His face kept serious, but his eyes had a playful glint now. “Every kid deserves a rich, gay uncle. And I need to step up to unclehood.”

Chuckling, Aelin bowed her head, running a rand through it when she sat on the couch. “Can you even change a diaper?”

“No.”

She looked up at him with raised eyebrows. “Can you burp her?”

“I can do a Heimlich Maneuver, treat infant musculoskeletal conditions and bounce on the yoga ball.”

Aelin threw her head back and cackled. “Perfect. You’re hired.”

“Yes!” Dorian did a fist pump. “Just talk to that broody baby daddy of yours, okay?” He hummed. “Maybe he’ll even like me after he sees what a perfectly good uncle I am.”

Yeah, that might be a problem, but she didn’t care. Rowan didn’t want somebody they didn’t trust with Maisie, but Aelin trusted Dorian. A lot. And the fact that he’s her ex became insignificant considering that Rowan made it very clear he isn’t romantically interested in her. Which was still a punch to the gut, but Aelin had bigger things going on.

“He likes you,” she lied, “he’s just… Rowan.”

Dorian pressed his lips together, trying to keep a straight face. “He looks at me as if the law is the only thing keeping me alive.”

Aelin chuckled, leaning into him. “I’ll talk to him. When can you come?”

He hummed, putting a thumb up to start finger-counting. “I have my job at the clinic in the mornings.” Another finger up. “Then I’ll get to my second job as a nanny in the afternoons.” A third finger up. “And my third, nightly job is to do very dirty things to your neighbor down the street. Rinse and repeat.”

“Gross. How’s Fenrys?”

“Good. He misses living with Rowan.” Dorian’s eyes were soft while he talked about his situationship, before he sent her a puzzled look. “How’s your lunch situation?”

”Rowan preps everything, don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” Dorian put an arm around her and slid his other hand in the air in front of them, as in a movie character showing another a new, magical world. “Because there’s this new restaurant in front of the clinic, it’s to die for. I could bring us risottos and—“

Dorian was interrupted by the sound of the doorknob turning, and Aelin would easily get distracted by the sight of Rowan in a uniform if he didn’t look so pissed.

He eyed his daughter asleep and quietly closed the door, but the coldness in his eyes told her everything he was feeling.

Rowan held a plastic pharmacy bag towards Dorian. “The delivery guy gave me this.”

“Oh.” Feeling her face heat, Aelin got up, very aware of Rowan’s eyes on her shoulder, where Dorian’s arm was. “This is mine.”

“I should go,” her friend’s voice was low and tight as he took a step away from her.

“Yeah.” Aelin sent him a weak smile. “Rowan and I should talk. Talk to you later?”

“Um.” Dorian’s eyes landed on Maisie, his hand scratching the back of his head. “Do you want me to watch her while you talk?”

“I can take care of my own baby, thank you.” Rowan’s tone was taut, he was barely able to hide his annoyance.

“Yeah, of course.” Dorian took a step back, one hand on the doorknob. “See ya.”

The second that door was closed, Aelin took Rowan’s wrist and led him to the kitchen, away from their sleeping baby. Her body was heated with anger, the hateful tone he used with Dorian ringing inside her head.

“Why would you talk to him like that?” She shouted after closing the kitchen door. ”He’ll never want to come here if you act like this.”

Rowan shrugged. “I’m fine with that.”

“I’m not! Look…” Aelin rubbed both hands against her face and sat down, gesturing to Rowan to do the same. “Dorian offered extra help with Maisie in the afternoons. I said yes.”

His face fell. “He did what?”

Aelin took a second to calm the roaring in her blood and tone down her voice. “Look, I knew you weren’t gonna like it, but guess what, I don’t like needing help either. I asked for it before, you said no because you need someone you trust. Now I found—“

“A person I trust even less than a stranger, that’s what you found.”

“Because you never got to know him!” Aelin got up from her seat, her tone turning more into a plea. “I trust him, and you should trust me on that.”

“No.” He took a deep breath, got up too and looked straight into Aelin’s eye. “I don’t know him, or his intentions, and I can’t have him here in the long term.” Rowan’s voice was getting higher by the second. “It’s day one and I already got home to find his arm wrapped around my…”

”Your what?” Aelin challenged, closed fists on her hips as she kept her chin high. “You made it very clear I’m not your wife, not your girlfriend, not even your situationship. Why do you care?”

He didn’t reply, just stood with a pained look, his jaw twitching as she watched a million different emotions she couldn’t decipher from his eyes only.

“Rowan, look.” She got closer and held his hand with both of hers. “The only reason Dorian and I started dating was because our difficult schedules were very similar during residency. It was easy, it was fun, it was comfortable, but it was never that serious.” She caressed his cheek with her thumb, her eyes soft and earnest. “And even if we were dating when I got pregnant, I never, ever, wished he was Maisie’s father instead of you.”

“I’m sorry, Aelin, I can’t do this.” His body felt heavy when he hung his head against her shoulder. “I can’t watch him play house with you and my daughter while I’m at work.”

”Shh, it’s okay,” she soothed, running her fingers on his head now that he looked particularly wrecked. This was just one possible solution to a bigger problem which she couldn’t postpone the solution anymore. “But there’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

They both sat back down facing each other, and Aelin took a moment to herself, her heart racing. Her family and Dorian knew bits and pieces of her depression disorder because they either witnessed her episodes or saw the pills scattered around her bedroom. Aelin wasn’t ashamed of her condition, it just never felt necessary to give anyone a full disclosure of her mental illness. Until today.

“The pills I bought today. They’re antidepressants.”

Aelin’s insides were too twitchy, her breath too shallow as Rowan slid the chair backwards, its scraping sound strident against the floor.

“Did he tell you to take them?”

Her insides fell to the bottom of her stomach. “What?”

Rowan slammed his fist against the table, his expression as tight as his face was red. “Those pills were under Dorian’s name. Everything was fine, and after one visit, you have depression and need him back into your life to take care of you. Can’t you see what’s going on?”

“Rowan, I’m trying to tell you something,” Aelin begged, her voice breaking.

”And I’m trying to tell another.” He put both hands on the table and looked deep into her eyes. “You. Are. Not. Depressed.” Rowan took a step back. “You’re not,” he repeated with dazed eyes, as if he was saying that to himself. “We’re happy. You’re just a little overwhelmed, but we’re a small, happy family.”

Aelin opened and closed her mouth, struggling to find words. All she knew was that sinking feeling in her stomach and the sudden numbness she felt.

She was taking baby steps into the water to know if the water’s cold, and it’s fucking freezing. Time to take a step back, rethink.

“Okay…” she trailed, her eyebrows pinching together. “How would you feel if I actually needed the pills?”

“You don’t…” Rowan blinked, his eyes distant. “I mean, can you even breastfeed when you take these?”

“Oh!” Aelin barked a sardonic laugh, all that ache in her chest turning into something deeper, much more sour. “I’ve been telling you I’m miserable for weeks, and that’s your first concern? My ability to breastfeed Maisie?”

Rowan blinked, his mouth hanging open for a second. “Of course I’m concerned about that,” he fumbled, “why wouldn’t I be concerned?”

“Because I matter too!” Aelin roared, and all the strength in her body left with her words, ripping through her aching throat to taint the entire house with the rage and despair she’d buried for so long.

She fell back to that chair, both hands on her face as she broke in sobs. Aelin couldn’t even take a deep breath, since the air came to her lungs in short, shaky shudders and her shoulders barely held her weight.

Rowan kneeled next to her, hugging her frame. “You do.”

But Aelin couldn’t stop thinking about his denial of her problem. She knew all about the stigma surrounding postpartum depression. What would he think?

”You do.” He kissed the side of her head one, two times. “You matter so much to me.”

Would Rowan trust her with Maisie after knowing about her diagnosis? How would she convince him she’s a good mother when most days she didn’t believe it herself?

”I’m sorry.” Rowan kissed her shoulder and hugged her tight. “Of course you do.”

Would he use that against her and try to get Maisie’s guard? Would he take her to court if he knew her mental illness was chronic, not only while Maisie is a baby?

Aelin’s first step into her own recovery was to back down.

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’ll take the pills anyway,” she lied while leaning away to caress his cheeks. “The doctor gave me the prescription in case my… baby blues got too bad, but you’re right. I don’t think I need them.”

“Thank you.” Still kneeling beside her, Rowan closed his eyes, leaned his forehead against her shoulder and released a shaky breath. “It was just a bad day, right?”

“Sure.” Aelin’s throat felt sore and thick, almost as if her own body was trying to stop her, but she managed, “Can I ask you just one more thing?”

He got up, sat on the chair next to hers and squeezed her hand. “Anything.”

Aelin felt like her heart was being ripped to shreds, but she needed to do this.

Rowan wouldn’t understand her mental illness. Rowan wouldn’t let her get extra help. Rowan wouldn’t be anything more than a platonic co-parent to her. She was letting herself be in this state for what? Pining over a man who was going to play house with her until he found some unbroken woman to replace Aelin with?

“I need you to leave.”

“Sure.” He got up, looking around the kitchen. “I need to do some groceries, do you want me to take Maisie? We—“

“Rowan,” she interrupted, “we’ve been co-parenting Maisie together in this house, right?”

He nodded, looking confused.

“Well, I need us to do this with some distance now.” Aelin’s voice was breaking, a few rogue tears streaming down her face again.

”Oh.” He took a step back, his expression blank. “You want me leave, leave.”

Her eyes were pleading as she explained, “We both agreed this living arrangement was temporary, and—“

“You’re kicking me out?” His tone was high-pitched around an incredulous laugh.

Aelin tilted her head, lips wobbling. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? Will you—“ he trailed, looking around her kitchen as if he was looking for answers. “Will you feel better if I leave?”

Aelin swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes.”

Rowan went stiff, staring with a lost look, blinking aimlessly at her until something shifted. He nodded, agreeing with her terms. In a matter of seconds, all the tenderness in Rowan’s eyes froze into cold fury, and Aelin had a feeling it’d never melt back to what it was again.

A/N: I felt like a part of me was being ripped off when I was finishing this chapter and it’s only the end of the flashbacks omfg I’m so not ready to finish this fic

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