Spilled Heart - Tumblr Posts

I've been to heaven

I wish I could tell you

It was real

At which point do your loved ones become inseparable from you?

I've had these limbs my whole life, yet I'd trade a limb for any of them

Picture pains

Moments frozen in time

When you were mine

Maybe this is fate

To be reminded, my smile is fake

There's no escape

My friends watch me wither away

Always reaching, begging me to stay

Don't try to fix me

I'm too broken

Intimate with insanity

My heart was chosen

There's so much pain

Hiding behind all these frames

There's no more joy

Between the sheets of glass

Wish it could last

I can barely cope

Almost out of hope

These chemicals are leaving my brain

There are so many picture pains

This was one of the last things I've wrote.it turned out to be multiple ideas I wanted to get out.It's been weeks now but the significant result of this was the conversation that sparked with a friend. He asked if I write for enjoyment. The thing is I don't feel happy to write most of the time. But maybe it's about getting rid of sadness to become happy.

My first lover Loneliness

She never spoke but she sounded like the wind blowing through the trees

Or the creak when the bench swings

And she would never leave

As I float here in silence

You see peace but I'm submerged in violence

As my mind will riot

Setting blaze to any hope

Leads me to the rope

My lends to myself Is always bias

And only I hold myself to the highest

Of standards that taunt me

That are daunting

You wish for me to stop

Playing hide and seek with the demons

Can't you see I'm more than enough

To haunt my own dreams

As I carry myself

With out purpose for unknown reasons

As I fade in and out

Only to be captured by the moon beams

You wanted me to vanquish my darkness

Saying I could still be alive

But living with out it could be the hardest

Would enough of me survive

And. .

The only the only thing worse than this

Is the projection of shame from your eyes

Which becomes my reflection

And rejection is black and white

Prisoner

What a lonely way to live a life

And pretend you're alright

Start believing the lie

" I'm fine"

You wanted to be swaddle by the truth but now you're hiding

Trying to find the good but it's albata lining

A self promise to stay hidden

Regret became your prison

Locked shut and the key is forgiveness

When darkness dissolves into light

When insanity dissolves into clarity

When acid dissolves into water

When you dissolve into me

Bound to hell

I'll drag these chains

Through heaven's gate

She kissed me farewell

They said fate been decided

I say I decide fate

1/∞

I think it's important to keep trying

If it's not increasing the odds for me

Maybe it's helping another

For life to exist on a floating rock in a vacuum following a ball of gas following a mystery

The dice roll happened more times than mortals can comprehend

1/10

Out of 100 or 1000?

No a billion

A trillion?

1 out of infinity

That's my love for you

Do you know what it's like to mourne for the living? People are still alive yet gone. Away from you.

Puzzle pieces

All this time you've wandered

All the love you let go

Has it once made you whole

Always stuck with two puzzle pieces

The beginning and end

Trying to make the in-between fit

Worlds away

I was never here to stay

And that's okay

Don't ever be afraid

I'll still find you world's away

Lovesick Insomniac

Before you, I hadn’t let myself fall in love with someone so deeply. I learned from past experience that it’s safer to keep your heart closed so nothing and no one can hurt it. 

But when I met you, things felt different. You felt safe. You radiated such beautiful kindness and warmth that I finally let my heart open, bit by bit. Before I knew it, my heart had blossomed--and it was all for you. My heart belonged to you, then.

And even though I walked away from you, my heart still belongs to you. Even though you didn’t want me like I did you, I am still yours. I wish that I wasn’t, but apparently you don’t get to choose. It has been almost a week since we’ve parted, but you’re still the first person on my mind when I wake in the morning and the last person on it at night. Those are the worst times of day for me now, and even in my sleep I cannot escape you because you haunt my dreams. The other night I dreamt I was kissing you. I woke up smiling, but then the fog lifted.

So, instead of sleeping, I’ve been staying awake at night thinking about all the reasons I shouldn’t reach out to you...and all the reasons I should. I remind myself all the reasons I walked away in an attempt to stay strong and try to move on like I know I should. But my strength--my anger-fueled determination to put myself first--burns brightly for only a few hours until it leaves again. When it’s gone, my appetite goes with it and is replaced by constant nausea. My anger disappears and leaves nothing but the deepest sadness. It’s the kind of sadness that’s filled with longing, despair, and regret. Because...I miss you. I just fucking miss you.

Before you, I didn’t truly understand what it meant to be lovesick. Well, I get it now, and it sucks. Even so, I’ll never regret letting myself fall in love with you--even if that makes me a fool.

*The Day the World Stood Still*

Hands damp with sweat;

Blood pulsing with spiked cortisol;

Heartbeat echoing like thunder;

"Stay or go?" pondered amidst a tumultuous mind.

This scenario was not the first or the hundredth occurrence,

Survival mode a constant, a life in endurance.

Ensnared in his narcissistic web,

Escape attempts futile, in bondage I was kept.

In the abyss of hopelessness and defeat,

You emerged, a beacon, my retreat.

Your presence, a balm to my fears,

Safety and security after countless tears.

Palms now dry, anxiety dissipates,

Heart finds its steady rhythm, liberation awaits.

To breathe freely again, a cherished sensation.

In his presence, my heart raced,

A cycle of slavery and freedom embraced.

Lost in a whirlwind, up or down, I couldn't discern,

A rollercoaster unchosen, a journey to unlearn.

You granted distance, a reprieve for my mind,

Space and time, a chance to unwind.

Yet, excitement for the future met an abrupt demise,

Self-blame lingered, as if fate comprised.

A moment froze, the world standing still,

How did it unravel, where did it spill?

You, unready to commit, moved on with feverish haste,

Soon, the distressed damsel's hero left without a trace.

*Photograph*

Browsing through my phone, I stumbled upon an image of us,

Transported back to when everything seemed harmless.

Here I sit, gazing at this photo in solitude,

Wondering, how did this situation come to include me?

Tears welled up as memories swiftly raced by,

Crying out, "Why, God, why did deceit find a tie?"

Where did our path take a detour so wrong?

Lying here, unsure of what steps to take,

Caught between a rock and a hard place, thoughts of you at stake.

With tears persisting, I feel lost and without a place,

The pain piercing the depths of my soul's embrace.

Why did I have to utter those words, bidding you farewell?

You seemed perfect, and now all that remains is to dwell.

Perhaps we weren't destined for this journey to be,

Examining this photo, I ponder a life with you and me.

Without intending to be improper in my reverie,

I yearn for the embrace of your arms around me.

Your soothing voice, a once comforting melody.

Now that you're absent, what path should I tread?

Only so many songs can be written, words left unsaid.

It's time to acknowledge an undeniable truth,

Reluctantly admitting, I fell in love with you.

Echoes of Understanding

In the quiet solitude of my room, I sat, my thoughts swirling like leaves caught in a gust of wind. I longed for someone to truly understand me, to see beyond the surface and grasp the complexities of my soul.

As I scrolled through my phone, I couldn't shake the feeling of isolation that seemed to cling to me like a shadow. I craved connection, the kind that went beyond mere words or superficial exchanges.

Closing my eyes, I imagined a world where I could be completely myself, where my deepest fears and desires were met with empathy and understanding. I yearned for someone to look into my eyes and see the chaos within, to hold my hand and say, "I understand."

But as the night stretched on, I realized that perhaps the key to being understood wasn't in finding someone else, but in learning to understand myself. And so, with a renewed sense of determination, I set out on a journey of self-discovery, knowing that true understanding would come from within.

The Wisdom of Serenity

In a charming neighborhood nestled between rolling hills, there lived two dogs: Rufus and Bella. Rufus was a lively and exuberant pup, always seeking attention and affection from anyone who crossed his path. Bella, on the other hand, was a serene and composed dog, content to bask in the warmth of the sun and the gentle breeze that rustled through the trees.

Every day, Rufus would bound up to passersby, wagging his tail eagerly and nudging them with his nose, hoping for a pat on the head or a scratch behind the ears. "Love me! Love me!" he seemed to say with his enthusiastic demeanor.

Meanwhile, Bella would simply sit by the garden gate, her wise eyes watching the world go by. She exuded a quiet confidence, knowing that love would come to her in its own time and in its own way.

At first, many people were drawn to Rufus's playful antics. They would laugh and smile at his enthusiasm, giving him the attention he craved. But over time, they began to feel overwhelmed by his constant demands for affection. Some would gently push him away, while others would simply ignore him, their attention captured instead by Bella's serene presence.

As days turned into weeks, Rufus grew increasingly frustrated. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to win the affection he so desperately sought. He would bark louder, jump higher, and wag his tail faster, but still, people seemed to gravitate towards Bella, drawn to her quiet grace and inner peace.

One day, as Rufus lay dejectedly in the shade, watching Bella receive yet another pat on the head from a passerby, he realized something important. Love, he realized, couldn't be forced. It couldn't be demanded or commanded. It had to be given freely, without expectation or agenda.

With this newfound understanding, Rufus approached Bella, his tail no longer wagging frantically but swaying gently from side to side. Bella looked at him with a knowing gaze, and without a word, she scooted over to make room for him beside her.

And in that moment, as they sat side by side in the warmth of the afternoon sun, Rufus realized that he didn't need to demand love from others. He just needed to be himself, to embrace the quiet moments of connection, and to trust that love would find its way to him, just as it had found its way to Bella.

Trapped in a narcissist’s web

In the quiet corners of your mind, where the shadows linger and the echoes of your thoughts dance in hushed whispers, you find refuge in the world of "you." For you, the word "I" feels heavy, burdened with the weight of truths you're not ready to confront.

You walk through life with a mask of resilience, concealing the cracks in your heart with smiles borrowed from the faces of strangers. Yet beneath the façade, lies a woman whose dreams are tangled in the threads of a love she cannot name.

He entered your life like a storm, his charisma igniting sparks of possibility in the darkest corners of your soul. His words were like honey, dripping from lips that promised a world of grandeur and adventure. You fell, not for him, but for the mirage of potential he held in his hands.

In the beginning, his charm was a siren song, luring you into the depths of his world. You believed in the magic of his illusions, ignoring the warning signs that flickered like distant beacons in the night. His ego cast a shadow over your existence, and yet, you found comfort in the warmth of his embrace.

But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into years, the cracks in his façade began to widen, revealing the darkness that lurked beneath. His love was a labyrinth of mirrors, reflecting only his own desires and needs. In his eyes, you were but a pawn in the game of his ego, a vessel to feed his insatiable hunger for admiration.

You struggled to find your voice in the midst of his thunderous presence, the word "I" caught in the tangled web of his manipulation. You yearned to break free from the chains of his control, to reclaim the pieces of yourself that had been lost in the illusion of his love.

And yet, despite the storm raging within your heart, a flicker of hope remains—a whisper of the woman you once were, before "you" became the shield that guarded your fragile spirit. Deep within the recesses of your soul, you know that happiness lies not in the shadows of his ego, but in the light of your own truth. And one day, you will find the courage to reclaim the word "I," and rewrite the story of your life in the bold strokes of self-love and acceptance.

Love’s Demise

In your gaze, my reflection lies,

When did our love freeze, when did it die?

I never fathomed it'd come to this,

The void in your eyes, a love's abyss.

Two souls ablaze, now drenched in tears,

Who knew our passion would drown in fears?

When did our flames turn to icy blue,

In your eyes, I see, our love withdrew.

Love

In love's vast puzzle, we each hold a piece,

Yearning for connection, longing for release.

But forcing the fit, a fruitless endeavor,

For love cannot be coerced, no matter how clever.

Like puzzle pieces, unique in design,

Love finds its match in its own due time.

We search and we seek, hoping to find,

The missing piece to ease the heart and mind.

Yet patience is key, as we wait and we learn,

That love's true beauty will eventually discern.

Forcing pieces together only brings strife,

But letting love unfold is the essence of life.

So trust in the process, let fate take its course,

For love cannot be forced, like puzzle pieces, of course.

Echoes of the Heart

Nichole sat in her cozy living room, bathed in the soft glow of the evening sun. Memories of heartache and betrayal flooded her mind, each one a painful reminder of the emotional scars she carried from her past.

She had loved before, with a depth that had left her shattered and broken. But then she met Kenny – a whirlwind romance that ended in tears and anguish. In the aftermath of their separation, Nichole had vowed never to let anyone hurt her like that again. She built walls around her heart, brick by brick, to shield herself from further pain.

And then she met Andrew – a breath of fresh air in the midst of her distress. Their connection was instant, their passion intense. For a fleeting moment, Nichole allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, she had found her perfect match.

But their relationship was short-lived, ending amicably as they both moved on to new chapters in their lives. Andrew had never hurt Nichole – he had been everything she had ever wanted, everything she had ever dreamed of. But still, she couldn't shake the ghosts of her past.

And then, out of the blue, Kenny resurfaced – a blast from the past that sent shockwaves through Nichole's carefully constructed defenses. As he attempted to reenter her life, Nichole grappled with a difficult decision. If she had to choose between Andrew, the perfect man she had recently met, and Kenny, the man who had hurt her, who would she pick?

Instantly, her mind betrayed her, choosing Kenny without hesitation. It was a truth she didn't want to accept, a painful reminder of the lingering hold he still had on her heart. It was a hard pill to swallow, a truth she didn't want to believe – but deep down, she knew it was the reality she had to face.

Summoning all her courage, Nichole decided to confront Kenny once and for all. She expressed the wall she had built around her heart, brick by brick, to guard herself from further pain. She spoke of the betrayal she had felt, the trust that had been shattered time and time again.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she confessed her fear of letting her wall down, of risking her heart for a love that may never be reciprocated. But despite her reservations, Nichole knew that she couldn't ignore the feelings she still harbored for Kenny.

As they sat in silence, Nichole braced herself for Kenny's response, unsure of what the future held. But deep down, she knew that no matter what happened, she had finally found the courage to confront her past and take a step towards healing.

I poured out my heart, expecting nothing in return, only to find that in the depths of your silence, you held the key to unlock the love I never knew existed.