Star Wars Crack - Tumblr Posts
gonna start saying 'I am in touch with my emotions. slay!' as an affirmation from now on
DAY ONE
Rating: General - No Warnings Apply Relationships: Pretty much just platonic with mentioned Foxiyo Genre: Crack Word Count: 1K Prev | Next A/N: Part of the Fives State of Mind Universe. Read Ask Fives in my pinned post or on AO3 for context! Not beta read but I'd like to think if there are any typos, it was intentional on Fives' part given the form this fic is in.
The esteemed advice columnist Fives has taken some time off work to move into his new home. However, he cannot keep away from the pen for too long. Follow a week in the life of Fives through diary entries as he tries to figure out how to live with four Tauntauns while balancing clone rebellion logistics and organising a housewarming party.
Day one of world domination
Dear Diary,
I heard that all the cool kids keep a diary (not a journal) so they can track important life events. Since I’m going to become super famous (I’m already a famous advice columnist but I’m gonna be even more famous), I thought I may as well start working on my autobiography. After all, if someone is going to write about me and make credits off it, it may as well be the man, the myth, the legend itself. No, not Echo. ME. Mr Fivesalicious.
I like to call it peak multitasking - making credits, preparing for my future, and taking time out for self-care. If one is to give advice to the galaxy and guide it into glory, he must also make sure his personal life is glorious too. My mental health is top priority. I think if we were taught on Kamino to communicate our feelings, half of our problems would be fixed.
Well, maybe not half. More like a small portion. But the point stands - I am in touch with my emotions. Slay!
Bob (my precious smol shy baby boi Tauntaun) is currently snuggled up on my lap and fast asleep. I just moved into my new house and I think he took the move really hard. He really loved Hoth Dawg Ranch and they loved him. I don’t blame them. If you don’t love Bob, there is something seriously wrong with you. I’d follow him to the ends of the galaxy if he asked me.
Anyway, the sudden change of environment has been a bit of a shock. He is a bit anxious and the cooling isn’t cold enough for him. I’m going to let him sleep in my room until my sweet son gets settled in.
In the meantime, I’m working on making his floor of the house fivestastic. I’m giving him a whole floor to himself because he deserves it. There’s 6 floors in my house. One for each of my Tauntauns - Obi-Taun Kenobz, Tauntaunakin, Ahsoka Tauntauno, and Bob. Then there's one for Tup, then Echo and I are sharing because that’s been our lifelong dream. We’re gonna have bunk beds and posters on the wall and party every night! He's setting up a super sweet commlink so we can prank call Rex and Cody and Kix. He's a bit reluctant to prank call Wolffe.
I invited Rex to live with us but he said no :( I’m not sure why he refused my offer to move in with us. Why would he want to sleep in his stuffy quarters when he could have a whole floor to himself at the Fives Mansion! (Note to self: come up with a better name).
Bob’s room is gonna be painted dusty blue and Echo’s painting snowflakes on the wall. Jesse found a disco ball out the back of 79s in a dumpster and is borrowing it for Bob’s room. Tomorrow, I’m going to get some fluffy blankets and get the sound system working. I’m hoping that the playlist of ‘Ambient Noises for Tauntauns to Live To’ will help settle his anxiety. It’s really soothing. I think Captain Rexy should listen to it (I probs should have mentioned this earlier, but for context, he’s the Captain of the 501st and practically my Buir). He seems stressed all the time. Especially when I’m in the room. Funny that…
Otherwise, I didn’t really get up to much today other than renovating. The other kiddos are having fun. Obi-Taun Kenobz was sun baking with Echo when I last checked. They both refused to drink water when I offered and insisted on tea. Obi-Taun Kenobz went inside and rummaged through the cupboards and held a bunch of tea bags in his mouth. It was the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.
Ahsoka Tauntauno was bouncing around in our trampoline room. The floor, all the walls, and the ceiling are covered in trampolines. Jesse suggested the idea and I have to say he’s got a point. He’s an icon, he’s a legend, and he is the moment.
Tauntaunakin, oh Tauntaunakin.
Tsk tsk.
He was being super duper emo FOR NO REASON like what?! And he had the AUDACITY to destroy the sunflowers Tup planted in the garden. I’m sure he has some pent up rage and anger issues. He either needs a therapist or some headphones so he can listen to heavy metal music to get his feelings out. Ideally both.
Do Tauntaun therapists exist? (Note to self: ask Echo because he is a genius and practically knows everything).
And then for some reason Tup, my PRECIOUS TUP, got out his blasters and started chasing Tauntaunakin around the garden. I think Tauntaunakin cried. How can Tup be so pure yet so ruthless? But he is such a beautiful soul. And so gentle! The sweet murderous bean is a mystery to me, one that shall take fivesever to solve.
Needless to say, Tup’s not too happy about his sunflowers. But he’s taking a nap in his hammock. I made him put on a bucket hat which was a good idea because the UV index is insane. I never thought I’d ever think about such things, but fatherhood really changes a man.
I’ll have to stop writing soon so I can make them all some sleepy time tea before I read them a bedtime story (we are currently reading Macbeth). It is their favourite part of the day. It’s also mine. They make a wonderful audience. I think I see potential in them to perform tragic plays. Obi-Taun Kenobz, Tauntaunakin, and Ahsoka Tauntauno love playing the witches. Bob prefers to just watch. The others may be born for the stage, but his artistic talent is art itself. His portraits of the Corrie Guard are otherworldly. If you need proof, dear reader from the future who is reading my autobiography diary, interview Marshal Commander Fox. Please just do it anonymously because I don't want him feeling embarrassed.
Echo suggested I write a poem to commemorate buying my first home. He’s a genius. I’ve thought about branching out into limericks. This could be the perfect chance to get in some practice (not that I need any because poetry flows through my veins). I'll have to do it later tonight.
Love,
Fives
There once was a boy called Fives
Who suddenly broke out in hives
His face was so red
I hope it won’t spread
He should hide forever in the archives
LOVE ECHO
THE MOST IMPORTANT NOTE TO SELF: Tuck the children into bed. Strangle Echo. Order Pantoran takeout.
Back in my day, you had to sift through thousands of probe droid reports with the best hope being that you'd find a lead to the location of the Rebel Base. And yet, we still found the Rebel Base.
Nowadays, no one can find anything without an ancient map of some sorts directly leading to a specific individual and various supernatural nonsense. Worse still, the new generation has no idea whatsoever how to handle incomplete maps. They fall to pieces if they can't find the last piece.
Do you know how many pieces of a map to Luke Skywalker Captain Needa and I received during my career? Absolutely 0. You worked with what you had, and if that went awry, you were Force choked.
Do you know how many special Force sensitive tricks I had access to in the event that I could not locate Grand Admiral Thrawn? Absolutely 0. If I needed to contact him urgently, I called the Chimaera and was transferred 15 times with a total hold time of 6 hours before finally reaching his voice mail.
And so, next time I hear another living soul complaining about missing map pieces, I am going to throw my caf at them.
-Admiral Piett
Ahhh please read this!!!
I'm like crying becuase I haven't ever had soemoen make something off a match up I've done.
Please go check our their stuff!!!
The Bad Batch with dancing
this is inspired by the match-up the lovely @jt-artsandfics wrote for me, and the idea of a dancing wrecker kind of flourished into.. well, this!
warnings: none, fluff
And without further ado, LET'S GET STARTED
Hunter
-Hunter, to me at least, would strike me as the best dancer of the bunch
-but ding dong that is wrong
- once, hunter tried for an undercover mission on kantobyte
- he doesn't want to talk about it...
- his legs just do not cooperate, flailing about and crashing into his partner
-the others never let him live it down
- 'Hey hunter- i don't think your dance partner appreciated the black eye much!' to which hunter gives one of his deluxe death stares
-hunter does not enjoy dancing whatsoever, but unfortunately, omega really does
- which he doesn't get, but supports her nonetheless
- perhaps he just needs the right partner to guide him through the motions
songs that would get hunter bobbing his head: https://youtu.be/8G-XwarxyMs and https://youtu.be/xFrGuyw1V8s ( that's also a reference to my last post- the dude loves ABBA)
Tech
- prepare to be amazed..
- TECH HAS MOVES
- to him it's all patterns, so its pretty easy for him to pick up on
- he's also very light, giving him agility for some serious breakdancing
- tech favours fast pace dancing, it challenges his cognitive abilities (he repeatedly insists that)
- he tried teaching hunter and the others, in true tech fashion, but that didnt work
- he needed a new pair of goggles after that
songs that keeps tech movin' and groovin': https://youtu.be/pRpeEdMmmQ0 and https://youtu.be/cZwYpAh3bXQ ( what can say, my guy likes his fast paces)
Wrecker
- wrecker loves to dance, and is actually pretty good at it
- as a cadet, he watched some holovideos of dancers, and how quickly they maneuver, and the only thought that crossed his mind was 'huh. i can do that'
- but he needed a partner, so crosshair had to do
- wrecker learned to samba, foxtrot and jitterbug like a champ
- once he found out that tech could dance too, he was relentless
- 'tech can i dance with you???' 'no,wrecker. ' 'Awww come on please?' 'NO' ‘PLEASE, I SWEAR IM GOOD’
- Finally, tech agreed and hoo boy, that was certainly not a mistake
-They complimented each other perfectly, working like a well-oiled machine
-Wrecker also loves doing group dances, ones with minimal effort so he can do it with all of his brothers ( 🥺...i know)
- And they all do it with him, though reluctantly
songs that Wrecker really moves to: https://youtu.be/w313WejAppc (With his brothers) and https://youtu.be/HAiHEQblKeQ (with tech, specifically)
Echo
-Echo is a dad dancer and that is a hill i will die on
-When music plays on the havoc marauder, he may not be the first one dancing, but he certainly enjoys listening to it and maybe have a bit of a boogie to it ( for non brits- boogieing is dancing in a slightly awkward manner)
-He was always like that though, and the bois in the 501st were just as bad ( with exception of hardcase, fives and jesse- but not rex, he was a dad dancer no. 1)
-He doesn’t really have a preference of music to dance to
-Echo likes it all
songs that would get echo standing up and swaying:https://youtu.be/HwVnX4ZgliY and https://youtu.be/425GpjTSlS4
Crosshair
-crosshair doesn’t dance.
-At least, that’s what he wants the others to think
-In truth, him and wrecker used to watch holodances all the time
-while wrecker loved watching the partner dances, crosshair loved the ballet
-when he’s alone, he sometimes just lets himself slip into a pas de bourree, then a glissade .. the rest is classified
-He is actually a ballet nerd, he knows every term and knows exactly how to execute every move perfectly
songs that crosshair would 100% pirouette to: https://youtu.be/9cNQFB0TDfY and https://youtu.be/QxHkLdQy5f0
Omega
-Omega cannot dance, bless her heart
-does that stop her? you bettr bet it doesnt!
-she stumbles,trips and falls but she couldnt care less
-all that matters for her is that she has fun
-and the boys love her for that
-their faces light up when they see their little sister enjoy herself, laughing despite everything shes been through
Songs that omega loves to blast: https://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U and https://youtu.be/Y66j_BUCBMY
Ok so those are my bad batch dancing headcanons, i hope you liked them! Apologies for the old songs, i couldnt think of any modern songs they’d like although i’m curious to hear what you all think. Love you all and thank you for reading
xxxx
The Bad Batch's favourite ABBA songs
I don't even know what to say about this... uh, enjoy?
warnings: none if you don't count crack content
ALRIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED!!1!
Hunter:
-Though he doesn't want to admit it, he listens to ABBA religiously
- like seriously, after a mission, he used to dump his stuff on his bunk, find a secluded spot and just let the lyrics wash over him
- his brothers secretly all know how much he likes their songs, because when the others play ABBA, he just smiles to himself because he knows every lyric, but can't afford to embarrass himself.
- he loves 'why did it have to be me' but there's one that really hits home to him now with him being a buir'
-Guessed yet? it's 'slipping through my fingers' that has hunter tearing up every time
-he just imagines omega as the song plays and oh it hurts him so, so much ;-;
- he listens to it almost daily, because now he understands
https://youtu.be/hRr7qRb-7k4
Tech
. this dude LOVES 'waterloo'
. he listens to it on repeat as he works on repairs around the ship
. he points out the historical accuracies (and inaccuracies, he's tech after all)
. he even hums it to himself when he's distracted
. with the other songs, he doesn't mind them, but for tech, there's just something about songs about history ( yes that means rasputin by boney M fits that category- but that's for another time)
https://youtu.be/Sj_9CiNkkn4
Wrecker
- oh boy, where to start with wrecker
-he loves ABBA and it not shy to show it
- he just belts the lyrics wherever he wants, whenever he wants
- well, the lyrics he knows anyways
- his favourite would probably be 'super trouper'
- easiest to remember in his opinion
- but he thinks 'the winner takes it all' is too sad so he refuses to listen to it
https://youtu.be/BshxCIjNEjY
Echo
- in terms of music, echo seems like the guy who prefer calm, laid back beats to bands like ABBA
- but that couldn't be more wrong
- in his 501st days, him and fives sang to 'dancing queen' on the daily, coordinated dance moves and everything
-but now he can't really bring himself to listening to that, though he doesn't tell anyone else that
- his new favourite is 'our last summer'
- it reminds him of his 501st days without him sobbing his eyes out
- its just the right type of nostalgia for him
https://youtu.be/KoyNlVQbUPc
Crosshair:
- crosshair says he hates his brother's weird music taste
- but that's just words
- he often subtly taps his foot to some of the songs
- for others, he justs sit back and watches tech, wrecker and omega take the floor, even fake clapping for them
-but being completely honest, it's not completely fake
-but listening to that much ABBA means that he'd certainly have a preference
-namely 'the winner takes it all'
- he loves playing that one and watch wrecker go 'nononoNOnoNo TURN IT OFF it's too sad!!'
-free entertainment, really
https://youtu.be/92cwKCU8Z5c
Omega
Omega was probably unfamiliar with music, as kamino probably didn’t allow it
But that changed with the bad batch
She was introduced to ABBA by wrecker ( i know hunter wanted to, but wrecker beat him to it)
Needless to say she loves it
her favourites are ‘angeleyes’ and ‘mamma mia’
She actually sings them well ( omega can sing like an angel and i will die on that hill)
She also played ‘dancing queen’ but saw that echo was upset so she switched the song
Wrecker and omega love singing to them, and omega hums the lyrics all. The. time.
https://youtu.be/728c7L_WjxQ https://youtu.be/unfzfe8f9NI (omega gets two- she deserves it)
So those are my headcanons about the bad batch and ABBA, and they’re just a little cursed, but mostly wholesome. Idk the idea of the bad batch listening to music and actually enjoying it is the purest thing and i had so much fun writing this
Love you all xxx
The Bad Batch with dancing
this is inspired by the match-up the lovely @jt-artsandfics wrote for me, and the idea of a dancing wrecker kind of flourished into.. well, this!
warnings: none, fluff
And without further ado, LET'S GET STARTED
Hunter
-Hunter, to me at least, would strike me as the best dancer of the bunch
-but ding dong that is wrong
- once, hunter tried for an undercover mission on kantobyte
- he doesn't want to talk about it...
- his legs just do not cooperate, flailing about and crashing into his partner
-the others never let him live it down
- 'Hey hunter- i don't think your dance partner appreciated the black eye much!' to which hunter gives one of his deluxe death stares
-hunter does not enjoy dancing whatsoever, but unfortunately, omega really does
- which he doesn't get, but supports her nonetheless
- perhaps he just needs the right partner to guide him through the motions
songs that would get hunter bobbing his head: https://youtu.be/8G-XwarxyMs and https://youtu.be/xFrGuyw1V8s ( that's also a reference to my last post- the dude loves ABBA)
Tech
- prepare to be amazed..
- TECH HAS MOVES
- to him it's all patterns, so its pretty easy for him to pick up on
- he's also very light, giving him agility for some serious breakdancing
- tech favours fast pace dancing, it challenges his cognitive abilities (he repeatedly insists that)
- he tried teaching hunter and the others, in true tech fashion, but that didnt work
- he needed a new pair of goggles after that
songs that keeps tech movin' and groovin': https://youtu.be/pRpeEdMmmQ0 and https://youtu.be/cZwYpAh3bXQ ( what can say, my guy likes his fast paces)
Wrecker
- wrecker loves to dance, and is actually pretty good at it
- as a cadet, he watched some holovideos of dancers, and how quickly they maneuver, and the only thought that crossed his mind was 'huh. i can do that'
- but he needed a partner, so crosshair had to do
- wrecker learned to samba, foxtrot and jitterbug like a champ
- once he found out that tech could dance too, he was relentless
- 'tech can i dance with you???' 'no,wrecker. ' 'Awww come on please?' 'NO' ‘PLEASE, I SWEAR IM GOOD’
- Finally, tech agreed and hoo boy, that was certainly not a mistake
-They complimented each other perfectly, working like a well-oiled machine
-Wrecker also loves doing group dances, ones with minimal effort so he can do it with all of his brothers ( 🥺...i know)
- And they all do it with him, though reluctantly
songs that Wrecker really moves to: https://youtu.be/w313WejAppc (With his brothers) and https://youtu.be/HAiHEQblKeQ (with tech, specifically)
Echo
-Echo is a dad dancer and that is a hill i will die on
-When music plays on the havoc marauder, he may not be the first one dancing, but he certainly enjoys listening to it and maybe have a bit of a boogie to it ( for non brits- boogieing is dancing in a slightly awkward manner)
-He was always like that though, and the bois in the 501st were just as bad ( with exception of hardcase, fives and jesse- but not rex, he was a dad dancer no. 1)
-He doesn’t really have a preference of music to dance to
-Echo likes it all
songs that would get echo standing up and swaying:https://youtu.be/HwVnX4ZgliY and https://youtu.be/425GpjTSlS4
Crosshair
-crosshair doesn’t dance.
-At least, that’s what he wants the others to think
-In truth, him and wrecker used to watch holodances all the time
-while wrecker loved watching the partner dances, crosshair loved the ballet
-when he’s alone, he sometimes just lets himself slip into a pas de bourree, then a glissade .. the rest is classified
-He is actually a ballet nerd, he knows every term and knows exactly how to execute every move perfectly
songs that crosshair would 100% pirouette to: https://youtu.be/9cNQFB0TDfY and https://youtu.be/QxHkLdQy5f0
Omega
-Omega cannot dance, bless her heart
-does that stop her? you best bet it doesnt!
-she stumbles,trips and falls but she couldnt care less
-all that matters for her is that she has fun
-and the boys love her for that
-their faces light up when they see their little sister enjoy herself, laughing despite everything shes been through
Songs that omega loves to blast: https://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U and https://youtu.be/Y66j_BUCBMY
Ok so those are my bad batch dancing headcanons, i hope you liked them! Apologies for the old songs, i couldnt think of any modern songs they’d like although i’m curious to hear what you all think. Love you all and thank you for reading
xxxx
The evidence provided is too much to ignore. *points dramatically* These men are parallel in disgusting and annoying energy, and therefore must be related! Also look at the noses...
✨Admiral Rampart as the Bee Movie Husband Moodboard✨
is it wrong that i associate taylor swift's 'cowboy like me' with this blue menace
just the overall vibe..
darth vader is in his reputation era
