Teenage Angst - Tumblr Posts
Being a teenager is such an ethereal experience because first you're in a waterpark with your friends and crush, where you get your first proper hug in weeks, then you're getting coffee and spicy chicken, before your mum makes you put her thrush cream on your crusty ear, when you finally break down listening to Taylor Swift and Bon Jovi.
it's not even that she's a bad person, she just doesn't love me like i love her. i trust her with everything abt, but it's not reciprocated. and we're abt to go to college and im not sure if we're gonna make it that far. at the same time im absolutely petrified of being alone and friendless. it's not hard for me to make new friends, but what if im just so broken that i can never open up the way i did before. i have months to think abt this, but i don't tink the issue is that i need more time. the issue is that i can't let go nor do i want too. but it's not about what i want, it's about what i need and i need better for myself.
Yes please 😭
less romanticizing high school more media about how being 17 is the worst human experience imaginable
I was a fourteen year old who's fourteenth birthday was a murder mystery party.
It was only me and my two friends and we drunk cherry juice out of wine glasses.
I was a fourteen year old who collected fingerprints for no reason other than to analyse them thoroughly under a magnifying glass.
Hell, when I was twelve I spent my summer vacation on this quote app where I would read quotes, debate myself on whether or not I agree with them, write down my thoughts and try to teach myself Latin (some quotes had their original Latin version and the translation so I was trying to piece it together).
I've had a pocket organiser I carried everywhere and in the back I've had a collection of Latin phrases I wanted to incorporate into my daily speech.
It's so strange because I spent my childhood and teen years preparing myself for things that were never supposed to happen.
I trained my stealth for when me and my group of friends play detectives and sneak in somewhere, I trained rethorical tools and negotiation tactics for when I find myself locked in psychological warfare with my nemesis or for when I deliver speeches that make a difference.
I devoted my entire time to prepare for a lifestyle that doesn't exist.
The six years of isolation that followed were an incredible lesson.
This is the suitcase I brought with me to a new city where I was going to have a fresh start. To find people who get me. I thought surely in this entire city there has to be at least one person who speaks my language.
I tried. I truly tried. But I could only try to my autistic abilities.
I vividly remember the one time I tried to make conversation with a group of fifteen year old by telling them about the ridiculous bat extermination that took place in the US in XIX century.
I was so, so confused as to why I have never been invited out again.
I know there is a place where all of this could have come in handy and actually make me socially successful, but I'm not sure it's on this planet.
I was such a charmingly strange child ever since I remember.
This is my genuine suitcase from back when I was fourteen, full of books I truly read. The dactyloscopy one was my obsession.
And it tugs at my heartstrings to look at it now. I was in a wrong place in a wrong time and I didn't know that yet. I was so sure I would find people who thought the same way, who understood. But for that, I was in the wrong country.
Or perhaps in the wrong world entirely.
Reality never felt sufficient.
Reality never felt like a place I could call home.
Still doesn't.
I wish that child had been given a place where her strange potential could extend fully, where all of those wonderful aspects of her would find fertile soil to grow on.
I wish she was still alive.
i just had my last exam and still haven't done anything like this. i feel like i'm wasting my youth.
(posted on landing by bigirliepoppers2395)
anyone ever feel like you're the one caring more in the friendship/s? get overly anxious whenever people don't say goodbye before leaving a place, scared you don't inquire about their lives enough, just caring for so many people. putting so much effort wondering about people when they leave. I don't know. maybe it's just my anxiety. or emotional neediness. I just need to be told everyone cares back. because I hate that I care too much. I like to think I'm a lone wolf but I'm really not. I need other people. I need people to care for. to care about. and I hate thinking that I'm not cared for. because I can't love myself the way I love everyone else.
sometimes I think I want a massive birthday party dedicated to me but deep down I know i would hate it. I hate all that attention on me. but I do love the idea of everyone I adore taking time out of their day just to be there for my day. maybe this is why I love surprise parties. a burst of love and thought and affection