Trauma Poem - Tumblr Posts

10 months ago

Coffin Mother - A poem.

I was born with splinters poking out I was held in bloodless arms My mother bore me skin and bone But she was a box, and never a home My mother's kisses were dusty and dry My mother's door rusted shut I am new and unaware of you How my father was a victim too There is only one way coffins show love There is an inevitability about it Submitting to the grave is your only one true fate and her chest cavity is beckoning you're late from dust to dust we always return at any moment you could strike to hold me sing me a lullaby while you take my life Death mother keep me safe You've kept me trapped from the sky burred under shrouds of darkness and dirt Like a blanket over my world to deny you is to open my eyes I break your fragile lid and rip your hinges Torn away I cast parts of you aside I crawl with my dead hands through the earth above until a rumored heaven breaks open my brown sky Light and colors fill my vision, the air is not stale my lungs sting and my muscles ache I was not built for standing, walking 6 feet below I can hear howling curses of forgiveness; "This transgression could be forgiven You've had your fun, now come down from there The pain you caused, the body you've broken All that you've abandoned in the home I've built Just try to use the muscles I raised you with I knew you weren't ready for this Come sleep on my chest and let the cold soothe you Everyone has to die eventually." Coffin mother I hate you the ultraviolet burns my malnourished skin There is wood in my lungs, skin, hair Headboards feel like tombstones, Bouquets are mournful Coffin mother I miss you walking on my own with these unused legs makes me yearn for the embrace of sleep laying down in you to turn my brain off Coffin mother I don't love you But I do, in the way you love starvation after awhile Recovery can't stop my memories of enjoyment the high I chased of emptiness you gave I won't ever return to you, I'll blow my ashes in the wind, and you can die with whatever scars my freedom cost. Nobody is coming to fix the hole I punched through you to reach the sky. I can't remove the dirt from my nails or the splinters permanently in my blood. But you can't catch me to engulf my soul in it anymore. I don't care if I'm a dead thing among men. I will die with more life than I was born with. Despite you and your version of the world.


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11 months ago

I love you but all you know how to do is hurt me I can only love you from afar From the safety of my bed I can look at your picture Without you tangled up in my life I can love you With the peace of your absence I can love you I can feel your warmth when you are gone When you’re next to me all I feel are burns. When I am safe from you I can love you When you can’t spew your acid at me I can feel your soft edges And I can love you When I can’t feel you When I can’t know you When I can’t hear you When I can’t see you When you’re far enough away to wonder if you’re still real When I’m far enough out of reach that not even your thoughts can touch me When I can’t be your prey in any way When you can’t touch me I can love you


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11 months ago

I found your hard edges eventually sharpened what I thought was indefinitely soft gave me fear in your eyes where I thought was only love I got to know the real you and now all I see is a stranger


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11 months ago

I used to be a smart girl Oh all the things you took away from me You beat me down til I barely had a brain And now I’m on all these meds And I’m just focused on surviving But I remember when I used to weave intricacies with my tongue And now it all feels forced; it all feels wrong Oh all the things you took away I used to think people were victims If they deigned to say they were stolen from But now I know just how easy a spirit can be taken Yeah you stole from me and now I’m trying to rebuild myself And I’m doing it better And it’s taking a whole lot of help But it doesn’t involve you Yeah I need nothing from you I just miss how I used to be smart girl I used to be a strong girl But somehow all you put me through left me weaker Now I’m a small girl Just like you wanted I miss how wide my mind used to be How specific I’d see Now I’m an average Jane Carved by an average joe I’ll get myself back But don’t know if I can say the same for you Because the truth is I have no idea who you are anymore And I don’t think you do too But I hope you get it together If not for my sake, for yours Yeah I hope you get it together And I’ll be a smart girl again I’ll be a smarter girl And I’ll stay far away from you


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2 years ago

My outer shell, my skin, made of porcelain

Those who I loved dropping me left and right

I cannot take any more cracks

Before I break and shatter for all to see

Let my final blow ring out through history

Let me be remembered for my sacrifices

For the good of the innocent

And for the porcelain skinned

Do not let them be harmed any more than I have been


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