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I’m gonna be venting. You are free to ignore this post as it’s not really important.
...
If there is one thing that I’ve always hated; it’s ending friendships. Whether it’s because we drifted apart over time or, sadly, in most cases for me, something sour happened between us, I NEVER wanted to stop being friends with someone.
Maybe it’s because I used to (or still do) have trouble making friends when I was little. Maybe it’s because of the neglect and emotional abuse I had to deal with during my childhood. Bullying. All the above...
Either way, this and last year were the worst as I had to end quite a number of friendships; one of them was with one that I’ve known since around 2006 or 2007! That one friendship was even worse as I once considered them to be one of my best friends! We had the same interests, love to draw, love role playing... we even love the same edgy fucking hedgehog. However...that said friend slowly became almost stagnant, allowed themselves to be surrounded by very toxic people, refuse to take criticism and even treat me and others as if we’re the bad guys for giving those said criticisms that is meant to help them improve as an artist! I just... I couldn’t take it anymore.
One other friend turned out to be not only toxic, but also an emotional ABUSER (intentional or otherwise) to another friend I also sadly stopped talking to and I and the others had to kick them from a D&D campaign.
Another was also toxic but in a different sense. They weren’t a bad person, but not only they were uncomfortably clingy, they...hardly talked to me normally and only wanted to talk about something else that they seem to only care about more than me.
Look, while I’m no longer friends with any of these individuals, even ones I haven’t brought up, I DON’T HATE THEM. The abuser, yeah, I do really dislike them, but not hate.
It usually takes a LOT to make me hate someone and what each of these people did isn’t enough to warrant any hatred. My hatred is towards those who are willing to seriously hurt people; racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedophiles, zoophiles, rapists, terrorists... VERY BAD PEOPLE.
I want nothing but for these former friends to get better; changing their lives for the sake of self improvement. To realize the mistakes they’ve made, learned from them, and do their best to move forward...like what I’ve been doing.
My hatred is also towards those who seriously hurt me. Those who slandered me, verbally and emotionally abused me, spread harmful LIES about me, sexually HARRASSED me, treated me like I’m the enemy or someone who cannot change for the better as if I’m completely unredeemable, and telling me that no one cared about me and that I was better off DEAD.
None of these former friends did any of that shit to me.
I’ve made...some really bad mistakes...said HORRIBLE things when I lost my anger...but I’ve learned from them.
Please, take care of yourselves.
Will they change? That’s not for me to say.
It’s them to make that necessary step.
Will I ever be friends with them again? Sadly, I don’t think I will.