Half Of A Whole

Half of a Whole

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Prompt - ‘We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright.’

—————————————————–

Falling in love with Spencer Reid was the easiest thing in the world.

You felt like you had known him your whole life and loved him even longer. From the minute the two of you were introduced nobody could deny the chemistry, you always joked that you must have known him in another life.

Never had you felt so comfortable with anyone as fast as you had with Spencer, he was the first person you turned to when you received good news, if you needed a shoulder to cry on Spencer gladly offered his, even if he had struggled the first few times it happened.

The two of you were like the same person and yet somehow you were so different, Spencer’s hesitation when dealing with strangers was fixed as you greeted everyone with a smile and friendly greeting and your struggles were countered by Spencer just as easily. The two of you fitted into each other's lives so easily it was like you had never not known the other.

Spencer Reid had never felt like this before. At first it scared him, god did it terrify him when he couldn’t get you out of his head, every thought somehow led back to you, his eyes straying to find yours when you were in a room together.

It was how he ended up at Derek Morgan’s home at two in the morning, knocking frantically on the door before coming face to face with a disgruntled Derek.

“Kid,” he had said, relaxing slightly as he saw there was no threat, “it’s two in the morning, this better be good.”

“I really need to talk to you.” Spencer told him, twisting his hands together. You had all just gotten back from a case, it was a tough one. You had been the unsubs' latest target and they found you just before the unsub could slit your throat.

Spencer had never felt so scared in his whole life.

“This better be good.” Derek grumbled but pulled the door open to let the younger man in.

It wasn’t long before the two were settled on the sofa together, Derek waiting patiently for Spencer to start talking.

Any other time he would have pushed Spencer to start but he had a feeling this was about you and knew Spencer needed to go at his own pace considering how far out of his comfort zone he was.

“Y/N nearly died today.” It wasn’t what Spencer had intended to say but this was the event that had made him realise just how strongly he felt for you.

“Yeah she did but she’s fine. We got her.” Derek assured him, watching as Spencer nodded but didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“I think I’m in love with her.” Was the next statement and, yeah, that was more along the lines of what he wanted to tell Derek.

“I know you are, kid.” Derek couldn’t smother a smile no matter how hard he tried but seeing Derek’s expression made Spencer relax.

“I’ve never been in love before.” Spencer said, causing Derek’s expression to soften.

“It’s not easy but if she’s the right girl she’s worth it and trust me, Spenc, Y/F/N Y/L/N is the right girl for you.” Derek said, his tone leaving no room for disagreement.

It didn’t take a genius to see that you and Spencer belonged together, Derek didn’t believe in soulmates but looking at the two of you, your souls were definitely half of a whole, nobody could deny that.

“What do I do, Derek?” Spencer asked, turning puppy dog eyes onto his friend.

“You tell her.” Was the wonderful advice Spencer was gifted with at 2:24am.

“That’s it?” Spencer asked dubiously, “I just walk up to her and say ‘hey y/n, I’m completely and hopelessly in love with you.”

Derek chuckled but was impressed the kid wasn’t having a bigger freak out. The entire team, besides you of course, had been waiting for the day Spencer realised his feelings and they were also waiting for the major panic to follow it.

Honestly, Spencer was doing better than anyone expected.

“Well maybe don’t start with that. Just ask her on a date,” When he saw Spencer go to cut him off he shook his head, “trust me, she’s not going to say no. That girl is head over heels for you too, pretty boy.” Derek grinned which turned into a laugh as Spencer flushed.

“I just ask her out?” Spencer asked.

“You just ask her out.” Derek confirmed and that was the beginning of your relationship.

The next day Spencer headed into work, determined to ask you out on a date. He knew how badly you wanted to go to the new restaurant that had recently opened so that sorted out the location, now he just had to ask.

Which was easier said than done.

Every time he tried to ask you, someone or something seemed to interrupt. It was like the universe was working against him. As the work day drew to an end Spencer had given up and was sitting at his desk with a pout, staring down at an open folder without registering any words.

You had just dropped off your paperwork to Hotch and were heading back to your desk when you saw Spencer.

“What’s got you so pouty?” You asked, taking a seat on the edge of his desk, grinning down at him as he startled.

“Y/N,” He said, ignoring your question entirely, “are you leaving?” He questioned instead.

With a laugh you let him change the topic, “yeah, I was just grabbing my bag.”

“Let me give this to Hotch and I’ll walk you out.” He said, standing up abruptly causing you to raise an eyebrow as he practically leaped up the stairs into the office before shrugging and picking up your bag.

As you headed to the door to wait for Spencer you missed the matching grins on Penelope, Derek and Rossi’s faces.

“Hey,” you said softly to Spencer once the pair of you were in the elevator, “are you sure you're okay?

“Will you go on a date with me?” Spencer blurted out, face flushing red as he cursed himself. That is not how he had intended to ask you.

Your eyes widened at the question that was asked so abruptly, not fully registering what he had asked for a second. That second felt like decades to Spencer who silently waited for your response.

The grin that spread across your face though…Spencer would remember it forever.

“I’d love to.” Was your response, not a single doubt in your mind that you wanted this.

Surprising nobody but you and Spencer, nothing much changed between the two of you. There was no awkward getting to know each other phase where you both tried to be people you weren’t, being friends first made everything easier.

Besides the fact that you could cuddle with each other on the plane nothing really changed. Most return flights now found you and Spencer sitting side to side with your heads bent together reading the same book or saw the two of you curled up on the sofa, you lying mostly on top of Spencer so as not to fall off.

The two of you hadn’t realised just how much you acted like a couple until you became one. You loved it, it was so nice to enter a relationship and not have the entire dynamic between the two of you change.

From there it was only a matter of time before you both confessed your love to one another.

You knew you loved Spencer, of course you did. What other word could be used to describe the excitement you had to see him everyday or the way your stomach still filled with butterflies? What other word could possibly sum up the feeling of home whenever Spencer wrapped his arms around you or the fact that you couldn’t help but smile when he walked into a room?

As Spencer had turned to Derek when he realised his feelings for you, you turned to Rossi. The man, god bless that wonderful man, had spent hours listening to you talk about Spencer Reid. He always told you that you should just tell Spencer how you felt but you were plagued with thoughts of losing Spencer or messing up the dynamic you two had. Rossi told you that was stupid, Spencer loved you, anyone could see it, and nothing could come between the two of you.

Eventually you decided to take Rossi’s advice and that night as you slipped into a dress ready for your date with Spencer, you swore you would say those three words.

Obviously nothing is ever that simple and not even halfway through dinner both your phones were chiming with identical messages that summoned you back to work.

“Oh no, not date night.” Penelope frowned as she looked at your outfits. Spencer just smiled at her but you were annoyed. You were so ready to tell Spencer how you felt and once you got your hands on this unsub-

Your thoughts were cut off as somebody lightly kicked your foot under the table, looking up you saw Rossi, the only person who knew how much tonight meant to you, raised an eyebrow at you, frowning in sympathy as you just shook your head, trying not to frown as Hotch apologised to the team and gestured for Penelope to start.

The case was hard but finally there was a breakthrough.

“Reid, JJ, I want you to go to Tomlinson’s house and see if he knows anything.” Hotch directed. It should have been that easy, Daniel Tomlinson’s name had appeared as Garcia checked a list of employees on shift the day of the murder. Nobody suspected Tomlinson of anything, his record was squeaky clean and on paper he looked like a model citizen.

How wrong was that assumption?

“Reid and JJ not back yet?” Rossi asked, it had been at least two hours since Hotch had sent them to Tomlinson’s house and nobody had heard a word from them since.

As Hotch pulled his phone out to call them, you couldn’t help the feeling of dread that settled in the pit of your stomach.

“I’m sure they’re fine.” Rossi said as he turned to you, watching as you grew paler as the call continued to ring. When nobody answered Hotch dialled another number and it was a matter of seconds before Penelope’s voice flowed from the speaker.

“Here to help.” She said and Hotch quickly ordered her to track Spencer and JJ’s cells, “Give me a moment, they are…” here she paused, it was a short pause, maybe lasting for five seconds but to you it felt like an eternity. “They’re at Tomlinson’s house.” She said, her voice wavering as she drew the conclusion you all did.

“Let’s go.” Hotch said and you all rushed to the SUV, police following behind you.

Spencer was unconscious when you arrived, you felt your eyes fill with tears as you choked back a sob. The unsub had JJ held against him as a human shield but you paid little attention to that, all of your focus was on Spencer.

You couldn’t recall exactly how it went down, it was only when the gunshot sounded that you moved over to Spencer, gently lifting his head and placing it in your lap as tears slid down your face. Faintly you could hear Rossi calling for medics as you pleaded with Spencer to wake.

“Please, Spenc, just open your eyes. C’mon baby, wake up.” You begged but he didn’t move. Medics surrounded you but you refused to move, it took Rossi gently lifting you up to move you away.

You turned around, burying your head in Rossi’s chest as sobs escaped you. Rossi held you close to him, whispering soft assurances that you barely heard.

“C’mon, cara mia, I’ll drive you to the hospital.” He said, leading you out of the basement and over to the car, only removing his arm from around your shoulder to help you into the passenger seat. He waited until the other members made their way over and once everyone was buckled in he began following the ambulance to the hospital, never letting go of your hand.

“He’s lucky.” The doctor said as he approached you all, “any longer and he would have bled out. He’s tired and weak but he’ll be ok.” Those were the words you needed to hear and more tears fell down your face as you let out a sob of relief. “You can see him now.”

You all made your way over to his room, everyone insisting that you go in and see him first. You couldn’t tell the team how much you appreciated them in that moment, so you just smiled at them and entered the room.

“Spenc,” you said softly, causing him to open his eyes slowly and smile at you.

“I’m ok.” He said before you could say anything else and he lifted his hand, gesturing for you to come to him. You did without any hesitation, sitting on the bed, making sure it was his uninjured side.

“I was so scared, I thought-“ Here you cut yourself off with another sob and Spencer just smiled up at you, lifting a hand to brush the tears away.

“I’m ok.” He repeated and you nodded.

“God, baby,” you breathed out, raising your own hand to cup his cheek, careful of the bruise on the right side of his face. “I love you so much.” You confessed without realising, it wasn’t until you saw Spencer’s expression change that you realise what you had said.

His eyes widened as he stared up at you, a soft smile that stretched into a grin taking over his face. You looked back at him, your own eyes widening but before panic could set in he spoke.

“I love you too, I have for so long.” He told you, the hand that lingered by your face moved to the back of your head. You felt him gently push and you let yourself be pulled down to meet him in a soft, sweet kiss.

When you pulled away you bit your lip in an attempt to hold back a smile so that you could kiss him again but nothing was stopping the smile that stretched across your face.

“You’re so beautiful.” Spencer whispered, his eyes taking in every feature of your face, thumb tracing your bottom lip.

The next big milestone for the pair of you was when Spencer asked you to move in.

Before dating you Spencer couldn’t imagine sharing his apartment with somebody else, though cluttered he knew where every book was placed, he knew everything belonged to him, he didn’t have to worry about people moving his files or misplacing one of his books.

When Derek asked him about how he felt about moving in with you, however, Spencer held no reservations. He wanted to live with you, he wanted you in his space, he wanted to see how your books looked on his bookcase and see evidence of you living there everyday whether it was a toothbrush in the bathroom or a pair of your shoes discarded by the door for him to trip on.

He wanted that.

You were in Spencer’s apartment, it was late and the two of you lay in his bed. There was no better feeling in the world, you believed, than being tucked up against Spencer Reid. Spencer looked down at you, half asleep and gripping his shirt and knew he wanted this more than anything.

He wanted to go to bed with you every night and he wanted to wake up to you. How could any day possibly be bad if he got to see your face first thing in the morning? The thought of you two waking up together everyday, him watching as you woke up before the two of you headed to the kitchen, working perfectly in sync with one another to make breakfast.

God, he wanted it.

“Move in with me.” He said, watching you blink the sleep away before turning your head to look up at him. “Please move in with me.”

“Okay.” You told him, smiling up at him. Giggling as he shifted the two of you so he was on top of you.

“I love you so much.” He told you before leaning down and capturing your lips in a rushed, heated kiss.

-

“Why do you have so many books?” Derek groaned as he brought another box up.

When the team found out you were moving in together they had offered to help and that is how you all ended up spending your day off, moving boxes from your house to Spencer’s, everyone grumbling about how much books weighed.

“Seriously, are you even gonna have enough room for all of these?” Derek asked as he looked around the room, seeing all the boxes piled up and knowing there was more to come.

“We’ll make room.” Spencer assured with a laugh.

“You’re lucky I love you two.” Derek told you both, wagging a finger as he did  before he headed back down to grab another box.

It took most of the day but eventually all the boxes were brought up, you had handed in your apartment key and the rest of the team had headed home so it was just you and Spencer. You closed the door before turning around to face Spencer with a grin, him already looking at you with the same expression.

“We live together.” You said, causing him to laugh.

“C’mere” he said, pulling you close and leaning down to kiss you softly. “Thank you for agreeing to move in.” He whispered as he pulled away.

“Thank you for asking me.”

The two of you ended up starting to put some of your books away, you couldn’t help but smile as you saw random empty spaces across the bookcases where Spencer had obviously made room for your books. You turned to thank him, giggling at the soft blush that spread across his cheeks.

“Maybe Morgan was right.” You said, flopping down on the sofa next to Spencer who laughed and automatically wrapped his arm around you. It had taken four boxes of books to fill most of the spaces Spencer had cleared out and there were still so many to go.

“We’ll make room.” Spencer told you, repeating his words for earlier. You turned up to face him, lazily leaning up and pressing a kiss against his jaw line.

“Can we go to bed please?” You said, pulling away and giving him your best puppy dog eyes. “I’m exhausted.”

He chuckled at you, leaning down to kiss your forehead before standing up and offering you a hand. It wasn’t long before the two of you had changed out of your clothes and were tucked up in bed together.

The windows were open, allowing a welcomed breeze to cool down the room, and the curtains hadn’t been drawn properly allowing the lights from the street to leak through. You rested your head on Spencer’s shoulder, smiling to yourself as you realised you got to do this every night.

You whined as Spencer shifted, watching as he grabbed one of the books from his night stand. He turned the pages before stopping on a new chapter.

“Read to me?” You asked quietly, not wanting to break the peaceful atmosphere.

“Of course love.” He murmured, placing a soft kiss on your head. “French or English?” He asked, causing you to glance at the book again and sure enough the words printed were in French.

“French.” You whispered, cuddling further into him, smiling as he began.

“J’ai regardé devant moi. Dans la foule je t’ai vue. Parmi les blés je t’ai vue. Sous un arbre je t’ai vue. Au bout de tous mes voyages. Au fond de tous mes tourments. Au tournant de tous les rires. Sortant de l’eau et du feu. L’été l’hiver je t’ai vue. Dans ma maison je t’ai vue. Entre mes bras je t’ai vue. Dans mes rêves je t’ai vue. Je ne te quitterai plus.”

“I looked in front of me. In the crowd I saw you. Among the wheat I saw you. Beneath a tree I saw you. At the end of my journeys. In the depths of my torment. At the corner of every smile. Emerging from water and fire. Summer and winter I saw you. All through my house I saw you. In my arms I saw you. In my dreams I saw you. I will never leave you.”

Before Spencer had finished the poem you were asleep against his chest, the small smile still on your face. Spencer leaned down to press another gentle, barely there kiss against your head before he placed the book down and wrapped his arms around you, drifting off to sleep with his own smile.

I Can't Lose You Again - Part Two

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You felt numb as you sunk down, letting your head rest against your knees as your eyes fell shut. The harsh reminder that he wasn’t your Loki, no matter how much you wished he was, stung. Your Loki wouldn’t have ever left you here, especially not with these people.

“Just grab her and let’s go!” You heard somebody snap. You didn’t see Mobius shake his head, glaring as he dismissed the hunter.

A few moments later Mobius knelt down in front of you but stayed silent. He felt sorry for you, he really did. Watching all those months you stayed silent, stayed loyal to Loki’s you didn’t even know just because of the man you knew...he really did sympathise with you.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered before he could say anything.

“Why are you sorry?” Mobius asked, honestly confused. If anything it should’ve been him apologising, he never should’ve taken Loki to you, there was a reason he hadn’t met you in 2012.

“I told you you could trust him.” Was your broken reply. As you looked up at him, Mobius’ frown deepened as he saw the tears in your eyes.

“This isn’t on you.” Mobius told you firmly, “He isn’t the man you know yet, he’s still struggling for control and trying to find his way.” The Loki you knew had years of character development, this Loki, well this Loki hadn’t had a chance yet.

This Loki, for all intents and purposes, was a villain.

“He’s just trying to help.” You told Mobius. You did believe that, you had too, the look on Loki’s face as he had mere seconds to figure out his next move was clear. If he waited for you then he risked Mobius stopping him and then he wouldn’t find out the Variants plan. Logically you knew Loki had made the right move but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“I know.” Mobius replied honestly. He knew that Loki had grown to care for you, probably more than he wanted to admit, but he wasn’t sure how to deal with that yet. “C’mon we have to go, we’ll figure something out.” Mobius assured you as he stood up holding a hand out for you.

Despite the situation he couldn’t help but smile as you took the offered hand without flinching.

-

When you walked through the doorway and into the TVA you were greeted with chaos. Which made sense when you thought about it, two Loki’s loose together...it was a recipe for disaster.

“Y/N, I need you back in the holding cell whilst this is dealt with.” Mobius said calmly as he turned to you.

“What?” You scoffed, “you’re just going to lock me up whilst Loki is out there with her?” You spat, you refused to sit idly by twiddling your thumbs whilst Loki could be in danger. He might’ve left you here but you’d be damned if you left him.

“I know, ok, I know you want to help but you're too close to this. If we bring you, we risk you running off with them too. I already lost one variant, I can’t lose another.” Mobius explained and whilst you understood his position you couldn’t just stay here.

Obviously there was no way to convince Mobius to let you come, naturally he was right of course, the first chance you got you’d go with Loki. It was never a hard decision when it came to what side to pick when it came to Loki. So instead you nodded.

“Fine, I’ll go sit in my cell.” You muttered before marching off in the direction of the holding cells.

Mobius watched you go with a frown, he wanted you to come, if anyone could talk Loki down it’d be you even if he didn’t know you too well yet but he couldn’t risk it. He knew he’d be in a world trouble as it was, losing you wasn’t an option.

“All Minutemen to armory. Protect the timeline.” Mobius shook his head as the voice repeated the message and quickly sent everyone on their way.

-

Tracking any Loki wasn’t hard, all you had to do was follow the trail of dead bodies. Unfortunately as the trail of bodies ended so did any signs of the Loki’s. Minutemen ran past you as you leaned against the wall, resting your head with a sigh.

“Where are you, Loki?” You whispered.

“Variant!” Somebody exclaimed and you looked up to see Judge Renslayer firing up her pruning device.

“Whoa, hey, I was just going back to my holding cell.” You told her carefully, raising your hands to surrender. You saw firsthand what those batons did to people, no way were you going to let yourself be struck by it.

“You’ve been protecting those Loki’s since we first arrested you.” She snarled, walking closer to you. You tried to move but she had you cornered.

Well shit.

“Listen…” You began but she cut you off.

“No you listen, you’ve been a pain since the beginning. All that loyalty to a man who couldn’t care less about you, I mean, he ran away the first chance he got.” You shook your head, trying not to let the words get to you.

“Yeah, I did, and I’d do it again and again.” You said whilst shooting her a cocky grin, probably not the best course of action but hey, she looked like she was going to kill you either way. “That Loki deserves somebody in his corner, his whole life living in the shadows, never good enough, so yeah I might not know this Loki and he might not know me but I’m going to protect every secret he has and if I die for that,” you said, pausing to chuckle before smiling proudly, “then I’ve done right by him and every other Loki Variant out there who had nobody on their side.”

“Pathetic.” She said before raising the baton. You looked her in the eyes, showed no fear as she came closer and closer to you, just as she was about to touch you-

“Y/N!” Mobius yelled, causing Renslayer to drop the device quickly and turn around just as Mobius rounded the corner. “What the hell?”

“Lost another Variant, Mobius?” Renslayer said as she roughly took a hold of your bicep, nails digging into the skin as she dragged you to Mobius all but throwing you into his arms.

“What happened?” Mobius asked, not dignifying the question with an answer.

“What do you think happened, Mobius?” She snapped, “they left, together, and because the theory of apocalypses was right I don’t know how we’re supposed to find them.”

“I’ll fix it.” Mobius promised before wrapping an arm around your shoulder and leading you away from the judge.

-

“Champagne?” The attendant asked, causing Loki and Sylvie to look up.

“Ah yes. Thank you very much.” Loki said as he grabbed the glass and drank from it, despite all the odds they were finally headed in the right direction. “To the end of the world.”

“A pity the old woman chose to die, don’t you think?” Loki asked.

“She was in love.” Sylvie answered simply.

“She hated him.” Loki shot back but Sylvie smiled at him.

“Maybe love is hate.” Loki quickly conjured up a quill and paper before jotting the quote down causing Sylvie to roll her eyes, unamused by the god across from her.

“Oh piss off.” Loki couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face, it was a strange feeling to be so free.

“So,” Loki began, “on the subject of love, is there a lucky beau waiting for you at the end of this crusade?”

“Yeah there is actually,” Sylvie said with a serious tone, “Managed to maintain quite a serious long-distance relationship with a postman whilst running across time from one apocalypse to another.”

“And with charm like that, who could resist you?” Loki chuckled.

“Well, people are quite willing in the face of certain doom.” Sylvie smiled.

“I'm sure they are.”

“It was only ever just to keep me going. How about you? You're a prince. Must've been would-be-princesses or perhaps, another prince.”

“A bit of both.” Loki admitted with a smile, “I suspect the same as you. But, nothing ever…” Loki trailed off.

“What is it?” Sylvie asked with a tilt of her head.

“All my life there was nothing ever really real, you know? But when the TVA arrested me I found a woman, a woman who remained loyal to a dead man and Variants of that dead man. A woman who let herself be tortured for however long just because she loves me. I haven’t met her yet, not properly, not how I’m supposed to but I believe what I have with her is, what I will have with her…it’s the most real thing in all the realms.” Loki confessed. He barely knew you but he couldn’t ignore the ache in his chest when he remembered the look on your face as he left you behind.

“Even now you’ve started falling for her, haven’t you?” Sylvie asked with a hint of a smile.

“I do believe I have but I ruined it. I left her there as I followed you.” Loki told her, looking down at his lap with a frown.

“Nah, if she put up with you until you died then I’m sure she’s had to deal with worse than this.” Sylvie told him and he couldn’t help but chuckle bitterly at that.

“I hope my future self treated her better than that but I suspect you’re probably right.”

-

Mobius took you to the control panel room, everyone had orders to look for anything out of the ordinary, any slight shift to indict the two Variants were together. You had been placed at one of the empty desks, a screen in front of you showing you the timeline.

“Please wait here whilst I talk to Ravonna.” Mobius told you and this time you just nodded, Loki was gone and you had no idea where. There was no point in running.

It had been hours since they’d gone and Mobius had spent most of that time giving orders out whilst biting his lip anxiously. You hadn’t spoken much or left his side, content to let him do the work so long as it resulted in you finding Loki

Mobius gave you a long look before leaving you alone, no doubt warning the hunters to keep an eye on you.

You sighed as you looked at the screen knowing how useless this was. The two Variants knew how to stay hidden, hide out in apocalypses and the TVA can’t find you, why they thought they could find them now was beyond you.

You didn’t know how much time had passed before Mobius was back and tapping your shoulder, gesturing for you to follow him.

“What did the judge say?” You asked when the two of you were alone.

“The time keepers are on our side but I can’t get access to C-20.” He told you. He wanted to tell you that the hunter was dead, he didn’t know why but it didn’t sit right with him. Instead he shook his head.

“Wait, why? She could know something important, she kept saying something was real.” You said, you had seen the woman yourself as the Minutemen hauled her off.

“She’s too far gone.” Was Mobius’ reply.

You didn’t reply but there were so many thoughts flying around your head and you could feel the start of a headache approaching.

Something about the TVA hadn’t seemed right when you were first brought it and it was explained to you and as every minute passed your doubt grew. The Hunter, C-20, was coherent when she was brought in, sure she was in shock but she was aware.

It didn’t make sense.

“So what happens now?” You asked Mobius watching as he collapsed into his chair.

“I don’t know.”

-

“I remember Asgard.” Sylvie confessed after moments of silence passed as Loki sat next to her, “Not much, but I remember. My home, my people, my life. The universe wants to break free, so it manifests chaos. Like me being born the Goddess of Mischief. And as soon as that created a big enough detour from the Sacred Timeline, the TVA showed up, erased my reality, and took me prisoner. I was just a child. I escaped. Stole a TemPad and I ran for a long, long time, which really sucked. Everywhere and every-when I went, it caused a nexus event.” Loki frowned as Sylvie continued her story. “Sent up a smoke flare. Because I'm not supposed to exist. Until, eventually, I figured out where to hide. And so that's where I grew up, the ends of a thousand worlds and now...that’s where I’ll die.”

Loki had no words, the two of them sat in silence staring ahead as everything fell to pieces around them.

“Not long now.” Sylvie said. “Do you think that what makes a Loki a Loki is the fact we’re destined to lose?” She asked in defeat.

“No.” Loki answered immediately, “We may lose, sometimes painfully, but we don’t die. We survive. I mean, you did. You were just a child when the TVA took you, but you nearly took down the organization that claims to govern the order of time. You did it on your own. You ran rings around them. You're amazing!” Loki praised, smiling as Sylvie smiled.

Loki reached out and took her hand in his.

-

It wasn’t long before you were back in the control room, looking at a bunch of monitors that had yet to change.

“Alarms should be going off for the magnified nexus threshold if somebody steps on the wrong leaf.” Mobius said as the two of you joined Hunter B-15.

“Wherever they are I’m not sure anything survives.” Was her reply causing your eyes widened, your hand reaching out to grip Mobius’.

Mobius looked at you in concern, seeing the tears in your eyes and the hold on his hand was tight but you didn’t look away from the screen, it was like you thought you could will it into changing if you stared at it hard enough.

“Yeah, don't underestimate them.” Mobius said, watching as you let out a mix of a sob and a laugh.

He turned to Hunter B-15, whispering quietly, “You see anything down at Roxxcart?”

“They’re gone.” She answered, “Leaping across time, plotting their next massacre.”

“We got something.” One of the analysts said breaking the silence and you all looked at the screen he was at.

Mobius laughed, “That’s not someone stepping on the wrong leaf. You ever seen a branch like that?”

“No.” Hunter B-15 answered as they got a lock on the location and it wasn’t long before a team of hunters were ready as Loki and Sylvie stepped through the two orange doorways.

“Y/N.” Mobius warned just before they came through, “go to the holding cell, wait for me there.”

“You’re kidding right-” You began but he interrupted you.

“Y/N!” He yelled before looking to one of the hunters, “take her.”

“Mobius!” You yelled, struggling against the man holding you. Unfortunately it was no use and before you knew it you were being tossed into the holding cell.

“Fuck!” You yelled as you picked yourself up off the floor, kicking one of the chairs as you did.

It was useless to try the door, you knew it was, but it didn’t stop you from walking over and slamming your fists against the metal repeatedly, not stopping even after your knuckles started to bleed.

-

“Loki.” Loki’s head snapped away from where the doorway had just disappeared to see you stood in a different doorway.

You looked so pretty, your hair was braided as you wore clothes that were definitely from Asgard.

“Y/N, thank goodness you're here.” He said, his face lighting up as you stepped closer to him.

“You really believed I could fall in love with you, didn’t you?” You asked him, letting out a dark laugh as you did.

“Y/N, what have they done to you?” He asked, taking a step towards you only to stop as you slapped him.

“Who could ever love you? You’re nothing but a coward, murdering innocent people to feel powerful, you’re a villain, Loki, you’re always going to be a villain.” You snarled.

This wasn’t you, Loki knew that much.

“Oh a time cell? Using Y/N against me, very clever, except I have no memories with her so you’re making your own up. Well guess what? I won’t fall for it, I know her and this won’t work on me.” Loki yelled at the ceiling. He didn’t know if anyone was watching him but it felt good to shout a bit.

“You hear me? I promise you, I promise everyone working for the TVA will suffer for ever hurting her, for dragging her into this, you’ll suffer.” He promised, fist clenched at his side.

“Always hurting people, you really are a villain.” You said, drawing his attention back to you.

“This isn’t real, Y/N, snap out of it.” Loki pleaded but you just shouldered your way past him and left.

“Well then…” He said, looking around, wondering where to go from here.

It was silent for a few moments before he heard your voice again.

“Loki.” His head snapped up to you. “You really believed I could fall in love with you, didn’t you?”

“Oh god, come on, not a time loop.” Loki groaned, watching as you stepped forward and slapped him.

“Ow, come on, seriously? This is the TVA’s grand punishment?” He asked.

“Who could ever love you? You’re nothing but a coward, murdering innocent people to feel powerful, you’re a villain, Loki, you’re always going to be a villain.” You snarled again. “Always hurting people, you really are a villain.” You repeated.

Loki didn’t know how many times he had heard you repeat the same speech and as much as he hated to admit it, it really was starting to get to him.

“Loki.” You said, causing Loki to sigh.

“Please Y/N, no more, I beg you. I know, I know I’m a horrible person, I know, I get it. I hurt people and I use people because it’s...well you already know why I do it don’t you?” he chuckled though there was no humour in it, “I crave attention. I know I was raised as a prince, I know I shouldn't complain but living in the shadow of Thor with a father who didn’t care for you…” He trailed off not knowing where to go from there.

“I’m afraid of being alone.” He finally admitted.

“You are alone and you always will be.” You said before disappearing through the doorway.

Loki sat down on the stairs with watery eyes, waiting for you to make your entrance.

“Okay, Loki.” Mobius' voice made him look up, raising his eyebrows at the man, “ready to talk?”

Mobius took Loki back into the interrogation room but the conversation that followed got neither of the men anywhere and it wasn’t long before Mobius ended the conversation.

“Give my regards to Y/N.” He said as the doorway appeared.

“What...No. What? No, no, no. Please, not...well, just wait, wait, wait.” Loki pleaded, not ready to go back into that room, not ready to hear those words from you again.

“Of course it was me pulling the strings all along. She came to me on Asgard a long time ago and then she took me to one of her apocalypses and that's where we hatched our plan together.” Loki lied easily.

“Which is?” Mobius asked.

“Coming along very nicely, thank you.” Loki snarked.

“What of the Variant?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Loki said, lying naturally, “she’s nothing more than a pawn and when she’s finished being useful to me, I’ll dispose of her.”

“Oh she’s already been pruned, you can thank Hunter B-15 for that.” Mobius said casually. “So assume I do set you free…”

“Hang on, what did you just say?” Loki interrupted.

“What? Assume I do set you free.” Mobius repeated, suppressing a smirk.

“No, the variant, she’s gone?”

“Yeah, she took out two of ours, B-15 pruned her.

Loki shrugged, trying not to let his eyes water. “Good riddance.” He forced out.

At that, Mobius couldn’t hold back his chuckle any longer.

“What’s so funny?” Loki snapped, his emotions bubbling at the surface.

“Oh come on, look at your eyes. No wonder you have no clue what caused the nexus event.” Mobius chuckled, of course Loki would be oblivious to a connection like that. It may not have been romantic but it was strong, possibly stronger than a romantic connection.

“The two of you, pure chaos. That’s enough to break reality.” Mobius said.

“You finally trusted yourself, you saw the good in yourself. You fell for yourself.” Mobius couldn’t help but smile.

“Her name was Sylvie.” Loki said through gritted teeth.

“Ah, Sylvie, lovely. Is that I-E or just an I?” Mobius grinned.

“Is she alive?” Loki demanded.

“For now.” Was the reply.

“Mobius, listen to me carefully, if what Sylvie has told me about this place is true, it affects us all.” Loki said, cursing as Mobius rolled his eyes.

“Loki, you’ve already told me about fifty lies in the past ten minutes and now I’m supposed to believe you and Sylvie.” He chucked.

“You’re all Variants!” Loki shouted, cutting Mobius off. “Everyone who works at the TVA. The timekeepers, they didn’t create you, they stole you from your timeline and erased your memories. She has access to these memories through enchantment. So before this, before you were an analyst for the TVA, you had a past, you could have had a family, Mobius, a life.” Loki pleaded with the man, begging him to believe him.

For a moment there was nothing but silence and Loki almost thought that Mobius was going to believe him.

“Nice try but this case is closed. Our interests are no longer aligned as you’d say. I have no need for you, your variant or your girlfriend.” Mobius said, tone harsh.

“What of Y/N?” He asked, glaring at the man opposite him.

“Oh, Y/N is no longer a concern. For your or us.” Mobius said, watching the dangerous glint in Loki’s eyes.

“Leave her out of this.” Loki demanded as he stood up but Mobius just rolled his eyes as two hunters came into the room and took him back into the time cell.

Mobius sat there longer than he intended too, thinking of Loki’s words.

-

“Y/N.” A voice said from the doorway and your head shot up. There was the Hunter B-15. “You have to come with me, now.”

You did as she said, following her out of the room in confusion.

“What’s going on?” You asked but she shook her head.

“No time to explain and even if there was it isn’t safe enough to do so but let’s just say you were right to trust the Loki’s.” She said as the two of you continued on down the hall. “They’re going to need us.”

The two of you entered the armoury and she held out a dagger towards you.

“I’m just assuming you know how to use this.” She said, watching you smile as you gently took it from her.

“I had a good teacher.” You said fondly and she smiled back.

-

Mobius watched the footage on the stolen tempad and once he was done he quickly hurried back to the interrogation room and opened the doorway into the time cell Loki was being held in.

“Do you care about her?” Mobius asked urgently once he was in the room.

“Who?” Loki asked in confusion.

“Sylvie!” Mobius shot back.

“I’m not sure if care is the right word.” Was the reply he got but Mobius shook his head. “I’m sorry, haven’t we already covered this?”

“Shut up!” Mobius snapped. “Do you really think you deserve to be alone?” When he received no reply he snapped Loki’s name.

“What? You told me to shut up.”

“Do you believe you deserve to be alone?” He asked again.

“I don’t know,'' he admitted. He knew the nexus event was caused by a breakthrough between himself and Sylvie. He didn’t want to be with her obviously but did he think he deserved you? He really didn’t know.

“You better figure it out quick, because the nexus event the two of you caused, whatever that connection is, can bring this whole place down. So we better understand…” Mobius rushed out but Loki cut him off.

“We?” He asked.

“Do you swear she didn't implant those memories in Hunter C-20?”

“Mobius, no. I believe her.” Loki vouched.

“So, I just have to trust the word of two Lokis?” Loki debated the question for a few seconds.

“How about the word of a friend?” He smiled as Mobius nodded at him

“You were right, about the TVA.” He admitted, “You were right from the beginning. And if you wanna save them, Sylvie and Y/N, you need to trust me. Can we do that?” Mobius asked and Loki didn’t hesitate to agree.

The pair went to leave the room but Mobius stopped to turn around and face Loki, “You could be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean, just in case anyone ever told you different.” Loki looked shocked at the words before a genuine smile took over his face and the two of them left the cell.

They quickly paused as they had an audience waiting for them as they stepped out, Judge Renslayer in the center.

“I think you have something of mine.” She said.

Mobius was quick on his feet and quickly withdrew the stolen tempad, “Oh yeah, I got all the way down there before I even noticed I picked the wrong one up. What’s the problem, Ravonna?” He asked, seeing the dark look on her face.

He knew what was about to happen, his friend of eons was about to rid of him like some common prisoner. He took a deep breath before talking again.

“You know where I'd go if I could go anywhere? Wherever it is I'm really from. Yeah, wherever I had a life before the TVA came along. Maybe I had a jet ski. That's what I'd like to do. Just riding around on my jet ski.”

Loki watched in horror, tears filling his eyes, as Renslayer had him pruned.

-

You and Hunter B-15 made your way down into the elevator together. There wasn’t much of a plan honestly but the two of you were going to bring down the TVA, whatever the risk.

“You ready?” She asked you and you grinned at her.

“As I’ll ever be.”

With those words the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

Before anyone had time to move Hunter B-15 had unlocked the collars around Loki and Slyvie’s necks and the other hunters readied their weapons.

“For all time,” Hunter B-15 said,

“Always.” You finished and with that the fighting began.

Hunter B-15 threw Sylvie the blade as you took down one of the hunters, quickly making your way to Loki who pulled you into a rough, desperate hug.

“Y/N.” He sighed, resting his cheek on your head.

“Nice to see you again.” You muttered against his chest.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to leave you, I just,” before he could continue you heard Sylvie shout,

“I hate to break up the reunion but we have a situation.” You smiled at Loki before you darted around him and began battling one of the hunters, Loki dealing with one in front of him.

“Here!” Sylvie yelled, throwing her dagger to Loki and picking up a baton. You watched her, from the corner of your eye, go to the judge. Just as you took down another hunter you saw Sylvie pinned down by Renslayer and moved quickly to kick her off before you were fighting somebody else, back to back with Loki.

“We make quite a team.” He tells you with a smile on his face.

“We really do.” You said fondly, remembering all the battles you’d fought together, knowing the others moves even before they did. You were a fierce duo.

It felt good to be fighting with Loki again.

Finally all the hunters were killed and Sylvie was quick to kill one timekeeper, the three of you watched her pick up his head seeing severed wires sparking.

“Fake?” You asked, staring down at the technology.

“Mindless androids.” Sylvie spat, looking at the remaining two.

“It never stops.” Loki said looking defeated. “Then who created the TVA?”

“I thought this was it.” Sylvie admitted, she too looked crushed, she had waited years and years for this moment and this was it.

You watched as Loki looked around clearly thinking of something, someway to get you all out of this.

“Sylvie.” He began but she quickly cut him off.

“Please not another pep talk.” She pleaded, causing you to laugh despite the situation.

“No, I have to tell you something. We’ll figure this out.” He said, moving to stand in front of her and he sounded so convinced you believed him.

“How do you know that?” She asked, clearly losing hope.

“Because, well, back on Lamentis.” He began but cut himself off, looking at you. You smiled at him encouragingly causing him to smile and take a deep breath, “This is new for me,”

“What, what is it?”

Before he could answer, his body started to disappear and in his place stood Renslayer holding the pruning device.

“No!” You yelled moving forward to attack her, you snatched the device from her hands, quickly moving and in seconds you had her pinned down with the device to her neck.

“Start talking.” You spat out, tears falling down your face.

________

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Finding Your Way Back (Part Two)

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A/N - This is heavier on the Stephen Strange & reader than I planned, oops. Also, thank you for the support on part one of this, I hope y'all like it!

It had been nine months since you’d first disappeared and two months since they'd managed to rescue you. In the two months since you’d been back you had been moved from the hospital into the compound and hadn’t done more than squeeze Bucky’s hand half a month ago.

Just because you were not showing any outward signs of being awake didn’t mean your mind wasn’t active. In fact it was working harder than ever, memories that meant nothing to you took over, faces you didn’t recognise, places you were sure you’d never been.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Sometimes you heard voices, you didn’t register what they were saying most of the time but when you heard the man with the metal arm talk you tried to listen, tried to do what he said but you couldn’t.

He asked, begged you to open your eyes, to say something, just to show him you would be ok and you tried, you really did but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t do anything.

You knew you had a body, could feel the man hold your hand, was it your hand? You could feel his lips move against it as he whispered words not meant for anyone but himself.

Since the day you recognised him as the man with the metal arm and he had called you Y/F/N you had repeated it to yourself everyday, not letting yourself forget it again.

My name is Y/F/N.

-

“Without knowing the damage to her mind, we have no way of knowing just when she will wake up or even if she can. At this point it’s all up to her.” A doctor explained and Bucky just about held his calm, if one more doctor said the same thing to him he was going to explode.

“C’mon there’s got to be something you can do, all this technology’s gotta be good for something.” He said, gesturing around to all the futuristic tech that was in your room.

“I’m sorry, Sergeant Barnes.” Said the doctor before leaving the room.

“Fuck!” Bucky whispered before turning his attention back to you. “Y/N, I know you don’t want to wake up, trust me when they had me it was easy to lose myself in my head too, just let the Soldier take over and not have to deal with it. I know, baby, but you can’t do that. It doesn’t work, all that hurt, all that suffering, it’s just gonna keep building up. You gotta wake up for me, doll, you have to. We can help you, I can help you. Everyone’s here for you just waiting to see those pretty y/e/c eyes again.” Bucky rambled, not sure exactly what he was saying but letting the words out.

When he was met with the same familiar stillness, he let his head rest upon your hand as he mumbled a soft, “please Y/N.”

“I think I may be able to help.” A voice from the doorway said, causing Bucky’s head to shoot up.

There stood Doctor Strange who frowned as he looked over to you. Bucky hadn’t had more than a handful of encounters with the man but he knew the two of you got on great.

“How?” Bucky asked. He refused to get his hopes up just to have them come crashing down when you stayed asleep.

“I can go into her head and upon determining how much damage HYDRA did to her mind I might just be able to break through and communicate with her. Obviously I make no promises but at least we’ll be able to see where her mind is.” Stephen explained as simply as he could when really it was quite a dangerous process. If your mind was completely shattered he could make it even worse by rummaging around, if your mind latched onto him then he was risking his own life.

Stephen hadn’t thought twice before offering.

“Why now?” Bucky asked and it was a fair question considering you’d been asleep for two months.

“I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, I had hoped she would find her way out but it seems she needs some guidance.” Stephen answered honestly. He would have offered to do this the moment you arrived, in fact he had told Tony as much that day, but they decided to give you a chance, see if you could pull through.

“Ok,” Bucky said after a few moments of silence, “ok, you can try.”

Stephen took a seat next to you and gently pressed his fingers to your temple. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. It wasn’t long before he sat up straighter before going as still as a statue, Bucky watching the process intently.

-

Your mind was a mess, that was the first thing Stephen took note of, a mess but not completely broken. There was still time but not much. If he didn’t get through to you soon then they risked losing you forever as you buried yourself deeper and deeper.

‘Y/N.’ He called out, the word echoing around your mind.

He waited a few moments before trying again.

There was no answer.

‘Y/N, can you hear me? It’s Stephen.’ He tried again and this time something happened.

Before Stephen knew it he was looking at rapidly changing pictures, all of them featured him as your mind tried to make sense of who he was.

‘That’s it, Y/N, remember me.’ Stephen encourage as he watched the flashes of memories.

They soon vanished and Stephen stayed quiet for a few minutes hoping you’d ‘talk’. Much to Stephen’s relief his patience was rewarded.

‘My name is Y/N.’ He heard, the voice was faint but determined.

‘Yes!’ Stephen exclaimed before he could stop himself, ‘yes, your name is Y/N. You’re Y/F/N Y/L/N.’

There was silence again for a long moment before he heard;

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N.’

Stephen couldn’t smile in this form for he didn’t have a physical body, he was just a voice in a head, but if he did have access to his body he’d be grinning from ear to ear.

‘Good job, you’re doing so well for me.’ Stephen praised. ‘Do you know where you are?’

‘With the man with the metal arm.’ You answered after a pause.

‘The man with the metal- you mean Bucky?’ Stephen asked though the answer was obvious.

If you couldn’t remember who Bucky was then Stephen dreaded to think what else had been forgotten.

As soon as the words left him your mind exploded. Stephen braced himself against the onslaught of images that flashed through your mind all of you and Bucky.

There were images of you and Bucky dancing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, there were images of the two of you cuddling in bed, on dates, laughing, crying...images of every moment the two of you had together assaulted your mind.

Distantly Stephen could hear you let out a sound of utter distress but he was so absorbed in the images that he lost himself for a moment.

Finally, the images faded and Stephen came back to himself in time to hear you let out a choked ‘Bucky’.

‘Yes that’s Bucky, you remember him?’ Stephen asked, thankful when you replied with a shaky yes.

‘Bucky’s waiting for you, he’s been waiting for you for quite a long time now. You have to wake up, Y/N.’

It took a long time for you to admit to him you didn’t know how. Stephen sighed, not yet thinking of these consequences of being in your head for too long, eventually when one lives inside their head for as long as you’d had to, it’s only likely that that person forgot that not only is there a whole world outside but also a body dependent on them.

‘That’s ok, we’ll take it easy.’ Stephen said as he began the long process of helping you connect with your body.

-

Bucky continued to watch your practically lifeless form. The doctor had yet to move, it had been an hour and he was in the same position as he had been before, Bucky couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or not.

At the hour and a half mark Tony came in with two mugs filled with coffee, silently taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed after handing Bucky a cup. The room stayed quiet as the two drank their drinks looking from Stephen to you.

“If anyone can help her, it’s him.” Tony told him, his voice quiet but confident.

Bucky didn’t answer for a long while. What was he supposed to say? If Stephen was your only hope and he failed was he just supposed to leave you like this? He couldn’t do that, this couldn’t be your life.

“I know.” Bucky eventually replied. He had faith in Stephen, you trusted him and that was good enough for him. He was thankful for the man who was risking his own, rather powerful, mind to help you.

-

Countless attempts had been made but so far they were pretty unsuccessful. Stephen tried to think about a way to help you but he was quickly running out of ideas.

‘You have to focus, kid, really focus. Take a deep breath and just feel your body.’ Stephen knew how bad you were at mediating when your mind was in the right place, whenever Stephen tried to teach you magic that required an empty mind it took longer than it should have because you struggled to clear your thoughts. Now there were no thoughts but also no understanding of your body.

‘I’m trying.’ You replied, quickly becoming frustrated with the task. Stephen knew he didn’t have long left until you retreated further into your mind, maybe irreversibly.

‘I know you are, you’re doing great. Let’s keep trying.’ But nothing worked, you tried as hard as you could and your body hardly flinched.

Just as you were about to give up you heard the man with the metal arm- no you heard Bucky talking to you.

“Hi baby.” He began before there was a pause. “I don’t know what you and the doctor are up to in that head of yours but I hope he’s helping you, God do I hope he’s helping. I know you trust him but I can’t trust someone completely, not with this, not with you. I wish I could be the one helping you but... you have to listen to him Y/N.” Here you felt Bucky’s hand on your...face?

‘He’s touching your cheek.’ Stephen supplied quietly, feeling the confusion coming from you. ‘Can you feel it?’

‘Yes.’ You replied just as Bucky began to talk again.

“It’s been months since I saw those pretty eyes of yours, doll, since I heard you laugh, since I held you in my arms. Never gonna take that for granted again.” He murmured, letting his thumb brush against your eye.

“Eyes.’ You said, causing Stephen to perk up.

‘Yes, those are your eyes! Open them, Y/N. I believe in you. When you open them Bucky will be right there waiting for you.” Stephen promised.

Your mind fell silent again as you paused before following Stephen’s earlier advice except this time you were able to connect with your body, you could feel your closed eyelids. It took many attempts, it was hard to keep track of time in your mind, but eventually you managed to crack your eyelids open.

-

Bucky watched, frozen, as you slowly pried your eyes open before squinting shut at the harsh light.

“JARVIS.” Tony murmured and immediately the lights dimmed causing you to relax and try opening your eyes again.

Bucky couldn't help but let out a slightly high pitched laugh of disbelief as he looked down at you.

As you were trying to adjust your unfocused eyes, Stephen slowly untangled himself from you before leaving to go back to his own mind. He screwed his eyes shut at the adjustment before opening them and moving his hand from your temple.

“Y/N.” Bucky said, causing you to blink hard before looking at him. It was clear you weren't really seeing him, not yet, as your eyes tried desperately to focus after not being used for months. “Hey doll.” He smiled so widely it was almost painful but he didn’t care. Looking at you, eyes open meant everything to him.

“That’s it, doll, you’re doing so well.” It took a long time and plenty of encouragement but finally, finally, you managed to focus on Bucky.

You saw the man with the metal arm who spoke to you when you were lost, you saw the man who danced with you in the kitchen when everyone else slept, the man who you used to fall asleep next to every night.

The memories were still hazy but you remembered the important parts and that was:

My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N and Bucky Barnes always finds me.

-

Ten months later and you were up and about, still not yet cleared for missions which was understandable because sometimes you had blips in your memory.

For the most part though you were doing ok. You were still adjusting to getting the memories back of your time with HYDRA, the torture they put you through, the people they made you kill…

Bucky helped though, Bucky always helped. He was there every step of the way, through the doctors appointments, the decision to go to therapy, the nights you’d wake up screaming, the nights you sat still feeling numb to the bones. Bucky was there through it all, never once complaining nor leaving your side.

Some days you felt like you could fall apart, some days your memory was so far gone that you only remembered Bucky as the man with the metal arm and some days you remembered everything too clearly.

In the early days of recovery, once you’d remembered you had magic, it had been uncontrollable. The years of training had been completely forgotten and with every nightmare or bad memory your magic reacted as harshly as you felt, trying to protect you from an evil that was no longer there.

Stephen was more patient than he had ever been as he sat with you, day after day, helping you to relearn how to control your magic. Thankfully it didn’t take too long and as your memory started to come back so did the control.

You looked up when you heard the front door open and close, smiling widely as it meant Bucky was back.

He had to go on a mission, one relating to HYDRA. It was his first mission away since you had woken up and though he hadn’t wanted to go you eventually talked him into it. They needed his knowledge on HYDRA to deal with this particular base and you also knew how much he wanted to punch some HYDRA agents.

You had been doing better recently so it wasn’t hard to argue that you’d be ok for a few days. Besides, the compound still had most of the avengers in it as only Steve, Natasha, Sam and Bucky went on the mission.

“Hey doll.” Bucky greeted as he came into the bedroom, making his way over to you before leaning down to kiss you softly. “God, I missed you.” He mumbled against your lips before kissing you again.

“I missed you too, baby.” You replied, running your fingers through his hair. “Go get cleaned up.”

Bucky was quick to shower and dress before he was joining you in bed, pulling you close so that your head rested on his chest, your arm wrapping around him as JARVIS automatically turned the lights off.

“How was the mission?” You asked quietly, reluctant to break the peacefulness that had settled around you.

“We got what we needed,” Bucky said, matching your tone, “I don’t think any amount of blowing up bases is going to feel like enough though.”

“They’re not worth it. I just want to focus on getting better and being here with you.” You said as you turned to face him, smiling up at him softly causing the crease in between his eyebrows to fall away.

“You’re doing so well, baby, I’m so damn proud of you.” Bucky said, the sincerity of his words almost too much for you. You leaned up to kiss him, putting everything words couldn’t say into it.

“I couldn’t have done it without my man with the metal arm.” You laughed softly as you pulled away causing Bucky to grin down at you.

“I love you so much, doll.” Bucky whispered in the dark as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

You shifted so that your head was resting on his chest again before replying.

“I love you too, Buck, more than you’ll ever know.”

Falling asleep with Bucky was the safest you had ever felt, no amount of torture could ever erase this feeling.

‘My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N. I am an Avenger. I have magic and Bucky Barnes always finds me.'

The One

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Prompt - ‘If you wanted me you really should have showed.’

If you were to ask anybody who knew you or Jake they would have all told you the same thing; you were head over heels in love, you and Jake were the one for each other. People were more surprised to find out you weren’t dating after taking one look at the two of you and coming to the conclusion that you had to be together, friends couldn’t possibly look at each other like that.

When people asked you what the deal was between you and Jake, you just smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile but rather a smile that showed how much you wanted things to change, a smile that said I fell for my best friend hard and there’s nothing that can be done. You gave them a smile and you told them he was your friend, he was your best friend, and that was the end of it.

There had always been something between you and Jake, something that always hinted towards feelings for each other, something that gave you a spark of hope that things could change but they never did.

Things never changed.

You and Jake had hit it off pretty much straight away when you’d first met, your first day on the job Jake came up to you with a to-go cup and a bright smile on his face. He stayed with you all day, helping you navigate everything. From then on you two had become such close friends, it was a friendship that everyone should have at least once, the type of friendship were you knew what the other was thinking, what they were going to do, it was the type of friendship were you could show up at each other’s door after a bad case and not have to say anything.

It was the type of friendship that made you realise you were falling in love.

You went on for months pretending that nothing had changed. Except now you couldn’t help but look at things from a new perspective, when Jake hugged you close for longer than what was considered socially acceptable, when Jake showed up at your door with a bag filled with your favourite take out, could these things just be friendly gestures or was there a chance Jake liked you too?

-

“I call Y/N!” Was the first thing you heard as the elevator doors opened into the precinct. You walked towards Holt’s office, leaning against the door frame but staying silent.

“You can’t just call Y/N.” Amy said as she rolled her eyes at Jake who was grinning up at her.

“Ha! I just did.” Jake shot back.

“Sir, Jake always picks Y/N.” Terry said looking towards Holt who tried to look bored of the group in front of him but looking closely you could see he was amused by the conversation topic.

“Perhaps we should just let Y/N pick who her partner is.” Holt said as he gestured to you. You smiled as you watched Jake’s head shoot around as he smiled brightly at you.

You looked at Jake and hated that the first thought in your head was could he like me. Rosa had told you the way you and Jake looked at each other wasn’t how friends should look at each other but you’d always brushed her off. Since realising your feelings for the detective you could help but question if she was right.

“Y/N!” Jake greeted, “You’ll be my partner won’t you?” The over exaggerated puppy dog eyes made your heart simultaneously ache and swell at the same time. You wished this was just some school girl crush that you could shake off but it wasn’t, it was real and you ached with how much you wanted this.

“Hmm,” You pondered, watching as Jake jutted his bottom lip out some more, “I suppose somebody has to be and I can put up with you better than most people can.” You joked, smiling as he laughed and made his way over to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close.

“That’s my girl.” And oh, how you wished you were.

-

You frowned as you heard a knock on your door. It had been a long day at work, the case you’d spent weeks on had gotten nowhere and was now considered a cold case - telling the victim’s family had gone as well as expected. Now all you wanted to do was hide away from everything and everyone.

With a groan you got out of bed and headed to the front door.

“Hi.” Jake smiled sadly at you. Despite everything that had happened that day, you couldn’t help the small smile that spread across your face.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, opening the door wider.

“Thought you could use some company.” He told you and before you knew it you were being wrapped up tightly in Jake’s arms.

You couldn’t help but grip him just as tightly, cursing yourself as you did so. Being in Jake’s arms, wrapped tightly up in them like he could protect you from the world, made you feel safe. It was the safest you had felt in a long time and when he pulled away you immediately missed the warmth and comfort.

“Can I do anything?” He asked but you just shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak. “I can go, I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

“No, no,” You rushed out before you could stop yourself, “stay, please.” You pleaded, stepping aside so he could come in. The two of you headed to your bedroom, this wasn’t the first time one of you had shown up at the other’s house after midnight and it wasn’t the first time you’d shared a bed.

It was, however, the first time since you discovered your feelings for the man and this time instead of keeping some space between the two of you, Jake wrapped you up in his arms again.

You couldn’t help but melt into him and you pleaded with anyone who would listen for Jake to just make a move, give you a hint…anything.

-

“Come on, man, Y/N’s not gonna wait around forever.” Terry said one night as he, Charles and Jake were sat in the bar. The two men had been on Jake’s back for months now trying to get him to ask you out.

“Trust me, I want to but it’s not like that. She doesn’t feel that way about me.” Jake replied, a small frown on his face. He hated when the guys brought you up because it always reminded him that he couldn’t have you, no matter how much he wanted you, you were always just going to see him as a friend. He wasn’t going to ruin that friendship by telling you how he felt.

“She likes you, Jake!” Charles insisted but Jake just shook his head. He couldn’t have this conversation again, so without a word he left the bar ignoring the calls of his friends.

It hurt, only being able to have you as a friend. To hold you after a bad day but know there was nothing more than platonic feelings there, to not go home together after work and cook together, working like you were made for each other. Just being your friend was the worst but the thought of losing that friendship and you turning him down was too much for Jake so instead he smiled and continued to just be friends.

-

It had been months since you first realised you liked Jake and in that time you had given him so many chances to confess, for him to pull you into a kiss and say he felt the same way but that day never came.

Eventually you decided that you just had to give up because sooner or later this was going to destroy your friendship with Jake and that would break your heart.

“I have a date.” You told Rosa and Amy when the others left the break room. They immediately started talking and questioning you about it, both drawing the same incorrect conclusion.

“With Jake?” They asked together, Amy grinning at you whilst Rosa smirked. Both girls had been persistent that you and Jake were going to have a big romantic moment where you confessed your feelings and fell magically into your happily ever after.

“Finally, I always told you he was the one for you.” Amy continued as her smile grew. Any conversation where Jake came up, Amy had always insisted that Jake was ‘the one’.

Oh, how you wished he was.

Unfortunately this was life and people rarely got what they wanted.

“No.” You said, watching as their expressions changed immediately.

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Rosa asked, narrowing her eyes.

“I mean no. I told you Jake doesn’t like me the way I like him and I have to do something before this crush ruins our friendship. Trust me, if he liked me he would’ve done something a long time ago.” You said honestly. Jake was the type of person who went for what he wanted.

“Y/N…” Amy began but you shook your head, quickly cutting her off.

“No Amy, he had his chance and nothing happened. I can’t just sit around alone just because he doesn’t like me.” You said and with that you left the room and entered Holt’s office ready for your meeting.

-

In the two months you’d been dating Liam you had noticed that you had barely seen Jake. When he found out you had started dating Liam he smiled, it was a painfully obvious fake smile, and told you he was happy for you before disappearing for the rest of the day.

In those two months you’d only seen Jake for work purposes though he wasn’t partnered up with you anymore. If the group went to the bar and you tagged along Jake would make up some excuse so that he didn’t have to go, so eventually you just stopped going all together.

It hurt more than you wanted to admit that Jake hadn’t fought for you, there was a small part of you that hoped by dating somebody Jake would admit he liked you but instead of that happening he just avoided you and your friendship.

That’s not to say Liam wasn’t good, he was, but with him you just felt…fine but with Jake you felt safe, loved, cared for, you felt fireworks just from your fingers brushing and you felt fearless as you worked together.

As you were feeling this way, it shouldn’t have surprised you when the fight happened.

-

“I tried to ignore it, you know, pretend that my girlfriend wasn’t into some other guy but come on!” Liam yelled. The conversation that started the argument wasn’t great, you accidentally brought up Jake’s name when talking about work causing the man to explode.

“There is nothing between me and Jake!” You told him honestly, causing him to laugh bitterly.

“Oh please, don’t act like there is nothing happening there! Everyone can see it all over your face.” Liam continued to yell, continued to tell you how you and Jake were probably sneaking around behind his back, calling you every name under the sun.

Finally, after what felt like hours of having abuse shouted at you, you left, ignoring the words of disgust he shouted at your retreating figure.

It was late at night and Liam had picked you up so you had no way to get home and no money to call a cab. You sighed as you scrolled through your contacts and tried calling Terry but there was no answer. You knew Rosa and Amy were on a stakeout so they couldn’t help and Charles was busier than ever with his kid.

So, that just left Jake.

With a sigh you sat down on the sidewalk. Would Jake even answer the phone? Despite everything that had happened between the two of you, you genuinely believed he’d pick up if you called but there was a small part of you that still hesitated before shaking your head and pressing the call button.

You listen to the ringing for a long time, almost ready to give up before you heard Jake’s groggy voice through the phone.

“Y/N?” He asked, clearly just having woken up.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” You said quietly into the phone.

“It’s fine,” he assured, “is everything ok?” Those were the words that sent you over the edge and you barely managed to suppress a sob as tears fell down your cheeks.

“Um, yeah, no, I just, I-” Jake frowned as he heard another sob.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s ok. Just relax, Y/N/N, that’s it. What happened?” He asked after you’d calmed down a bit.

“Me and Liam we, um, got into a fight and he said some things,” Here you stopped to take a shaky breath, “I left.”

“I’m sorry Y/N/N.” He said, more sorry that you were so upset rather than you having broken up with the other man.

“This is your fault you know?” You laughed sadly into the phone, your emotions were all over the place right now and you knew you’d regret saying this tomorrow but you had too. “God, everyone always said we’d be perfect for each other, we were meant to be and you always laughed it off. I wanted you so damn badly Jake, you didn’t even fight for me. Even if you didn’t like me like that, you just let our friendship end. I wanted you to fight for me! That’s all I ever wanted!” You cried and Jake sat in bed with his mouth open as he registered your words.

The silence continued and you were about to hang up the phone when Jake replied.

“You like me?” He asked, stunned.

“You must have known.” Was your weak reply. Now it was out there, you finally admitting this secret, you felt light, you felt relieved. Even if Jake laughed at you, at least you’d said it.

“I would have fought so hard for you, Y/N/N, I, god, I like you so much. Every day I fall for you more and more, all I want, all I ever wanted from the day we met was you. You’re the one I want to dance around the kitchen with, you’re the one I want to take out, you’re the one who I want to lay on the couch with and talk about everything and nothing. It was always you, Y/N, and when you got with him, god, I knew then and there my chance was gone, I knew I’d blown it.” Jake admitted, surprised that he didn’t feel too nervous, he felt great, he felt confident. Even if too much time had passed at least he had said his piece.

“Jake?” You asked.

“Yeah Y/N/N?” Jake replied hesitantly.

“We’re both idiots.” Jake couldn’t help but laugh into the phone causing you to laugh too, the two of you were grinning like idiots.

“Where are you?” Jake asked and after he found out you weren’t too far away from him he offered to pick you up. With a shy smile you thanked him and hung up.

-

Soon enough you and Jake were sitting in his apartment.

“Listen, I know I’ve been a real jerk these last few months but seeing you with him…” Jake trailed off, turning away from you before continuing. “I’m really sorry. It wasn’t fair for me to take my feelings out on you, especially when I didn’t tell you how I felt.”

“I owe you an apology too-” You began but he quickly cut you off.

“No, you don’t. All you did was move on because I was too scared to say something.” Jake told you and whilst it was true you did feel guilty because this was a two way street and you could have told him how you felt.

“I was scared too.” You finally admitted after a few moments of silence causing Jake to smile shyly at you. With only a small amount of hesitation Jake reached over and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, causing you to smile and melt into the touch.

“No more being scared, yeah?” Jake whispered as he leaned closer.

“Sounds good.” You replied just as quietly and with that Jake softly connected your lips together. His hand moves from your cheek to cup the nape of your neck as you kiss him back. The kiss itself is gentle but it was like every cheesy cliche ever, you felt fireworks as he kissed you, your skin tingled pleasantly as you felt his fingers lightly grazing your skin.

Maybe Amy was right, you thought as Jake pulled away and rested his forehead against you, smiling softly at you, maybe Jake was the one.

Secrets & Sleepovers

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Prompt - ‘So if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me for I too, am fluent in silence.’

Night after night Spiderman took to the streets fighting bad guys for hours on end and then had to attend school the next day on very little sleep. For the most part, he managed, the spider bite giving him all sorts of cool abilities, one of them being able to last longer without sleep than regular humans.

School was a nightmare most days. The workload was piling higher and higher as the semesters went on and on top of that he had to deal with Flash on a regular basis. The lack of sleep made him more susceptible to losing it on Flash but he somehow managed to keep it to verbal arguments lately. The last thing he needed was to accidentally expose his powers in a fight with Flash.

Peter Parker loved being Spiderman but some days it was all too much. Every little noise, the scent of the city, the feel of his clothing, his senses became overwhelmed and all he wanted to do was hide under his blanket and sleep for weeks.

Unfortunately that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. With exams around the corner and someone needing to look out for the little guys, Peter was overworking himself and it was only a matter of time before he crashed and burned.

You let out a loud groan as you let your head hit the textbook in front of you, missing the way Peter smirked at you.

“If I ever have to look at another math book again, I may cry.” You grumbled into the book. You and Peter were currently sitting in the library studying for an upcoming exam.

When you had first sat down, you had raised an eyebrow at Peter. He looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep judging by the dark circles under his eyes, there was also bruising around his left jaw and a small cut just below his hairline. When you had asked him about it he shrugged it off and told you he was staying up late studying and that bruise was just him being clumsy. You weren’t sure you believed it but you let it go for now.

“Considering we got to a school that specialises in that stuff, I’m not liking your chances.” Peter grinned, causing you to sit up and throw a crumpled up piece of paper at him.

“Hey!” He exclaimed with a laugh. Moments later you heard a shushing noise causing you both to quietly chuckle.

“Let’s take a break.” Peter suggested, moving to put his books in his bag. You were in desperate need of some food and a stretch so you were quick to follow.

It wasn’t long until the two of you had found a small diner and had a selection of food in front of you.

You noticed how Peter shifted and winced a few times before settling in.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” You asked again.

Peter cursed himself, he thought he was good at hiding his secret but you always managed to see through the lies he gave. It was another downside to having this mutation, the lying. He was constantly lying to you, to Aunt May, to everyone but he couldn’t risk anyone finding out. He wouldn’t risk the people he cared about getting hurt because of him.

“I’m fine,” Peter assured with a bright smile, it was hard not to smile back though the concern didn’t go away. “Trust me, after finals I’ll be good as new.” He knew that wasn’t true but he just wanted you to stop worrying about him. With all the stress right now the last thing he wanted was to add to that.

“Ok, ok, I’ll drop it but if you wanna talk about anything…”

“I know and I appreciate it, Y/N/N, I really do.” With that you finally did let the topic drop. Peter was right, everyone was stressed and overly tired right now.

-

The days were starting to blend into each other. Peter was struggling to get through the day, dreading the nights where he would fight crime but if he didn’t do it and somebody got hurt...that was on him.

Nobody else would feel the pain he felt, not when he could do the things he could.

Peter was sitting on the roof of a tall building, legs dangling over the edge. He’d long taken his mask off, knowing he was safe up here. Tonight had started off rough, he’d stopped a mugging but had taken a few hits from the man's knife and plenty of bruises were quickly developing on his face. Thankfully his healing speed meant that the knife wound had knitted itself together quite quickly to stop the bleeding but that only made him more exhausted.

He wouldn’t know where the bruises ended on his face and where the bags under his eyes started. He so desperately wanted to do nothing more than clasp into bed.

He was exhausted.

Shaking his head, he blinked hard against the sudden wetness in his eyes, cursing himself for becoming so emotional but he couldn’t help it. Between school and secret identities, he was stretching himself way too thin.

With a sigh Peter stood up. He had to get moving otherwise he’d end up falling asleep on some cold rooftop. He swung for what felt like hours, really it couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes, before landing on a fire escape.

He hadn’t realised it but somehow he had ended up at your house. The curtains were still open and he could see the soft glow of the lamp.

Mentally he chastised himself for coming here but who could blame him? You had always had a way of making him feel safe, making him feel like everything was ok even when it was falling to pieces. When he had lost Uncle Ben you had been his rock. So who could blame him for subconsciously seeking you out when he was feeling like this.

He looked in the window and saw you sat at your desk, books and papers spread out in what looked like a chaotic mess but he knew you would know exactly where everything was.

He wanted so desperately to knock on your window, to just sit with you in silence and feel like the world wasn’t about to crumble but he knew he couldn’t.

For starters he was still in the Spiderman suit and secondly he knew if you caught a glimpse of him now, bruised and beaten, you wouldn’t stop until you found out his secret.

He stood up, ready to leave and continue swinging around for a few more hours despite the exhaustion. You however heard something outside and turned to look, from your seat at the desk you had a perfect view of the fire escape just outside your window and your eyes widened as you saw Peter.

You ran over to the window, pushing it open before Peter had a chance to move and the two of you froze, locking eyes with each other waiting for someone to break the silence.

When the silence stretched for an uncomfortable amount of time you spoke;

“You’re Spiderman.” You stated rather than asked, the evidence was clear before your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Was Peter’s quiet reply, his eyes grew wet as he tried to hold back tears. You took in each cut and bruise on his face, wincing in sympathy. It explained a lot really but you’d seen the videos of Spiderman, you’d seen the risk he put himself in time and time again.

You didn’t like it but even without Peter’s explanation, which you would definitely be getting, you knew he wouldn’t ever give Spiderman up, knew how much responsibility he must have been putting on himself. The exhaustion made a lot of sense.

“Come in.” You said, stepping out of the way so he could climb in. Peter hesitated but did as you asked, standing awkwardly by your window as you rummaged around in your closet.

It took a few moments but eventually you found a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt you’d stolen from Peter and held them out for him, smiling as he raised an eyebrow at you.

“I think you own more of my clothes than I do.” He joked but you could still see the tension in his shoulders, giving away just how anxious he was causing you to sigh.

“Listen, I’m not angry and I’m not going to ask you to give Spiderman up or anything. Hell, I’m not even completely surprised it’s you behind the mask. Sure I wish you would’ve told me but I get why you didn’t.” You told him sincerely, stepping forward and reaching up to lightly touch his bruised cheek. “You’re so brave. I promise we can talk about it in the morning but you look exhausted.”

“I’m so tired,” He whispered, his eyes falling shut as he leaned into your touch, “God, I’m so tired.” He repeated.

You took his hand and guided him to your bed, making sure he was tucked in before climbing in yourself. Peter was quick to move from his side and rest his head on your stomach causing you to smile down at him. You let your fingers settle in his hair, gently running your finger through it causing him to cuddle closer to you.

You continued to stroke his hair long after he had fallen asleep, a warm feeling spreading inside of you with every happy sigh he gave in his sleep. You were determined to make sure Peter was well rested and looked after from now on, seeing just how bad things had gotten for him. The pressure you knew he would put on himself would be enough to make anyone crack but Peter had held himself so well.

It wasn’t long before you were falling asleep too, a smile on your face as Peter reached for your hand whilst murmuring incoherent words.

The Best Day

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MGG Taglist -

Prompt - ‘I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.’

Requested - @pumpkinfriend

Notes - This is my first time writing MGG so I apologise if it's OOC.

—————————————————–

Despite having never met your name and Matthew Gray Gubler’s name often went hand in hand together. It started when you said in an interview how much you admired the man and how big a fan you were of his latest work. That in turn led to Matthew being asked about you and him admitting he too was a fan of yours - that was the extent of the two of you mentioning each other in interviews though interviewers and fans alike did try their hardest to get you talking about one another.

The two of you, however, did give both your fanbases something - when you first started following each other on Instagram people found out pretty quickly, you still weren’t sure how they realised so fast. From there, there wasn’t much for a while but once Matthew liked the newest picture you had uploaded, social media went into a frenzy speculating what this meant - were you dating, how long had you been dating? You admittedly found it hilarious, one little like on a normal instagram post and two fan bases had gone crazy.

After that Matthew, himself, uploaded a post, again a normal post for him, just one of his drawings with a halloween theme to mark the beginning of October, and you liked it and left a comment - ‘now that is a ghost👻.’ And again, who knew one little thing could cause such an outburst?  Matthew too, thankfully, thought his comment section was quite funny, the number of people convinced that your simple comment could mean a hundred and one other things.

From there on it had become a sort of unspoken joke as to who could cause the bigger frenzy. Without fail people took notice of every comment you two made but so far Matthew seemed to be winning with ‘Maybe we should get August onto Criminal Minds, I can see her and Spencer getting along very well;).’ He had commented on a picture of you dressed in the character of August who was your character on the show you were currently working on and that comment had caused the biggest commotion so far, speculations of crossovers and love interest began to fill people's feeds and timelines.

Though there had been a considerable amount of comments shared back and forth via the instagram comment section, neither of you had actually messaged the other privately yet. You had considered it a few times but you barely had two minutes to yourself with your current filming schedule being pushed forward.

Months passed and at some point the comments turned from friendly to flirty. You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment things have turned but you did know that whenever you saw Matthew’s name pop up on your phone an involuntary smile made its way onto your face. You knew it was foolish, how could you possibly have feelings for this man considering you’d never actually met him? But you also couldn’t deny the butterflies you felt.

Matthew was feeling the same way, every notification that altered him to a new post or comment from you had him feeling more giddy than he would ever admit. He still declined to mention you in his interviews, skillfully skirting around the questions whilst trying not to let too much show on his face about his growing feelings for you.

Matthew was thankful to have some time off from filming and spent his first day of just relaxing. Thoughts of you continued to cross his mind and he picked his phone up multiple times before throwing it down in frustration. He really wanted to meet you, wanted to get to know you and see where things went. The months of back and forth weren’t enough for him anymore. He knew the two of you were in the same state, not too far from each other either as he recognised the backgrounds of quite a few of your posts.

With a sigh he sat down and grabbed his phone before opening a direct message with you. For a while he just stared at the blank page, pondering over how to start. He didn’t want to be too direct but he also wanted to get his intentions across as early as possible to give you time to decide whether he was what you wanted.

‘Hi, I’ve really enjoyed talking with you these last few months and wanted the chance to talk to you without thousands of other people reading our every word.’ He wrote and rewrote this one sentence four hundred times before deciding that sounded good enough. ‘I’d love to get to know you better, maybe we could hang out together soon?’ Was that too forward? Should he even mention meeting up with you so soon? Why was this so complicated?

Before he could overthink the message anymore he clicked send and tried to ignore the feeling of dread. He found himself constantly checking his phone, every time the screen lit up he himself lit up only to deflate when he didn’t see your name. I need to do something, he said as he stood up and moved over to the desk ready to lose himself in his art.

-

You sighed as you finished up your last day of filming, you loved what you did but you were thankful for the two or so months you had off. Filming a movie and then the series back to back had exhausted you. You grabbed your bag, not bothering to check your phone, before leaving the set and heading home.

Filming for your show was great though as you got to film it in your state meaning you didn’t need to worry about housing as you could stay in the comfort of your own home. You had greatly missed being home, spending over three months in Canada filming the movie.

Letting out a long exhale, you collapsed into bed after changing out of your clothes and shut your eyes for a minute before pulling your bag close and taking out your phone. You scrolled through the many notifications before pausing at one that caused a smile to spread across your face.

It was a dm from @gublergram.

With slight feelings of nervousness you clicked the notification before outright grinning at the message he had sent.

Taking a breath, you started typing out your reply.

‘Hey Matthew! I’ve really enjoyed talking to you too. Honestly I’m relieved you messaged me, as much fun as causing the internet to break down has been I did want to talk to you more privately. You caught me at the perfect time actually, I’ve just finished filming and have two months free, if you’re around we should definitely hang!’

That seemed casual enough, you thought as you sent the message and dragged yourself up to get ready for bed. By the time you’d finished your night time routine and were tucked up in bed there was a message waiting for you from Matthew.

‘Didn’t you just shoot a movie too? You must be excited for a break, I know I am and I’ve only shot one series! Who knew a few comments here and there could cause so much speculation? Perhaps, if you’re up for it, we could maybe meet up in a few weeks?’

A few weeks was both very soon and yet somehow still so far away. Nerves started creeping in but you tried to brush them aside. Matthew didn’t mean anything by it, surely? Yeah, you’d traded flirty comments here and there but there was no way Matthew could be interested in you…right?

‘Beyond excited! No spoilers, I’m still catching up 😂 For real, did you see the theory about us getting married in Vegas because we were both there around the same time a year ago? These fans are crazy but I think it’s hilarious. I’m totally up for meeting up, I know October’s your month so I’ll leave the plans to you.’

It was like the tiredness that you felt earlier had just disappeared, you and Matthew stayed up til well after midnight talking back and forth. He assured you he had something in mind for when you guys met but he refused to tell you what it was. You found yourself eagerly awaiting the day you’d meet.

-

Everything about this man was intriguing to you, the way he was so unapologetically himself was something you greatly admired about him. It was easy to start falling for him, how could a person not? As you got to know him more over the course of the next few weeks you found yourself liking him more and more. The way he always brought a smile to your face, the way the conversation flowed like you’d known each other forever. Everything was amazing and to think you hadn’t even met each other yet.

You continued to send messages to each other, getting to know more about his life and him yours. You were thankful you didn’t have work for the foreseeable future as the two of you often stayed up late talking to one another. The conversations covered many different topics, sometimes you sent him screenshots of new theories flying about regarding the two of you, he sent you pictures of his drawings, talking to him came naturally.

Eventually the day arrived in late October. Matthew had assured you that dressing casually was just fine and you found yourself applying some makeup with nervous bubbling below the surface. They were good nerves though, it wasn’t like you didn’t want this but more the fact you couldn’t really believe it was happening. You’d been talking via comments for months and only a few weeks privately but it felt like so much longer.

Just as you slipped your shoes on you heard a knock on your door and knew it was Matthew. Two or so days ago he had texted you asking whether you’d be comfortable with him picking you up or if you’d rather meet him at the location, you hadn’t needed long to ponder over the answer and texted him back telling him you’d like him to pick you up if he didn’t mind.

You took a deep breath before standing up and making your way over to the door. When you opened it you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as the nerves you were feeling faded to make way for excitement.

He was even more stunning in person, standing there with his own smile plastered on his face, cheeks flushed, from the cold or from seeing you, and eyes bright, holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

The two of you stood there for a moment, just taking the other in before he cleared his throat and spoke.

“Hi, you look,” here he paused to clear his throat again, “You look beautiful.” He told you, causing you to blush slightly. “These are for you.” He said, holding the flowers out towards you.

“They’re beautiful, thank you.” You pushed the door open wider and invited him inside whilst you put the flowers in a vase and grabbed your jacket.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?” You asked as the two of you left your house and walked towards his car. Matthew just grinned at you whilst shaking his head causing you to let out a laugh.

“Here, let me.” He said as he quickly moved around you so he could open the car door for you.

“Thank you.” You smiled.

It wasn’t long before the two of you were chatting away to each other, the initial nerves seemed to leave the both of you and it definitely didn’t feel like the first time you were in each other's company. You were able to pick up where you left off with your instagram message, slipping into easy conversation whilst you occasionally tried to get him to tell you where you were going to which he just laughed and said you’d find out soon enough.

Before long Matthew was indicating into a car park causing you to look around for any clue as to where you were. Your eyes widened and a grin spread across your face as you saw the sign that told you that you were at a pumpkin picking patch. You turned to face Matthew, unable to contain the joy written across your face which caused the man to let out a relieved sigh at his plan.

The two of you made your way in, your eyes trying to take everything in. Naturally there were pumpkins everywhere but in the distance you saw some children playing with animals at the petting zoo section, and not too far from them seemed to be horse drawn carriages, the carriages filled with hay bales.

You laughed as Matthew made a comment about an oddly shaped pumpkin. Matthew was everything you’d thought he would be and so much more, walking alongside him, you couldn’t help but smile as he rambled on, hands gesturing around unconsciously, he was so animated when he spoke.

“Oo, look at this one!” You exclaimed, making your way over to an impressively large pumpkin. Matthew grinned as he watched you struggle to pick up the pumpkin, you tried a few times before pouting over at him causing him to laugh.

“Maybe we should get a wheelbarrow.” You were quick to agree and pretty quickly the two of you found an abandoned wheelbarrow.

“Your carriage awaits, milady.” Matthew said whilst gesturing to the wheelbarrow, you raised your eyebrow at him but grinned as you sat down in it. Matthew couldn’t help but pause, you looked so beautiful, face flushed with the autumn air, grinning up at him.

God, one date and he was so gone for you.

He smiled back at you as he pulled his phone out causing you to laugh and pose.

Matthew was still laughing as he began pushing you over to where the pumpkin was and the two of you managed to heave it into the wheelbarrow. From there the two of you strolled around, Matthew pushing the wheelbarrow and you sneaking glances at him.

“I’ve never been to a pumpkin patch.” You admitted to him, watching in amusement as he gave you an incredulous look.

“How have you never been to a pumpkin patch?” He asked with over exaggerated shock, causing you to giggle.

“I don’t know, I mean I always wanted to but it wasn’t something we did as a kid and then as an adult I’m usually working so I never had the chance.”

“Well, I’m honoured to be the first person to bring you here.” He smiled softly and you couldn’t help but think how you wanted to spend many more falls with him.

Matthew turned the wheelbarrow towards a group of kids who were playing ring toss with the top of pumpkins.

“Care for a game?” He grinned as he left the wheelbarrow and stepped forward to pick up a couple of rings, waving them in your direction. You couldn’t help but grin as you took them from him.

“You’re on, Gubler.” The two of you were definitely the oldest people playing the game but neither of you cared to notice, so absorbed in your own little world that everyone else just ceased to exist.

Thankfully Matthew was just as terrible at the game as you were so there was no time for embarrassment at your tragic aiming skills, just room for laughter. You watched as Mathew let out a defeated groan as his ring completely missed the pumpkin again despite the fact he swore this was the one.

“I don’t think either of us are winning any prizes anytime soon.” You grinned as the pair of you walked away.

“I thought I was better.” He pouted, causing you to giggle.

The two of you had a nice collection of pumpkins, mostly the oddly shaped and huge ones with a few mini ones here and there,  and Matthew suggested putting them in the car before grabbing some food from one of the many stalls. You agreed and soon the two of you were sitting at a picnic table with food and hot drinks in front of you.

“Thank you for bringing me here.” You said during a moment of comfortable silence that formed after you’d both finished eating.

“I’m glad you let me.” Matthew replied, a soft smile gracing his face. There was a slight pause, Matthew opening and closing his mouth, before he spoke up again. “Is this a date?” He asked, he wanted it to be a date so much and he was picking up the same intention from you but the last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable.

You smiled down at the table before looking back up at him, “Yeah, yeah it is.”

Matthew tried but he couldn’t stop a grin from forming and you easily mirrored the expression.

The two of you stood, clearing the table, before heading off towards the other end of the field to where the horses were. You hesitated for a moment before linking your arm with Matthew’s, waiting for him to show if this was ok and when he smiled down at your linked arms and tightened his grip slightly you grinned to yourself.

The two of you talked amongst yourselves, still happily oblivious to the rest of the world, and when you arrived at the horse-drawn hayrides, Matthew offered his hand to you, helping you up before taking a seat next to you.

“Please tell me you’ve at least been on a hay bale ride?” Matthew said as he turned to face you, watching as you smiled sheepishly before shaking your head. “I have so much to show you!” He exclaimed, causing you to playfully roll your eyes.

Part way through the ride you shivered slightly, pulling your coat tighter around yourself. Matthew watched the movement and paused for a second before he wrapped his arm around you, just leaving it to rest there and letting you decide if you wanted to lean into him or not.

You bite your lower lip in order to hold back a smile and let yourself relax into Matthew, missing the smile on his face as you did. The rest of the ride was spent in a comfortable silence, the two of you content to just be with each other.

-

On the car ride home, Matthew held your hand in his, absentmindedly brushing his thumb against it every so often. You couldn’t help smiling softly down at your joined hands, never had you felt so comfortable with a man, especially one you had only met today and yet here you were feeling like you’d known Matthew Gray Gubler forever.

Matthew was thinking pretty much the same thing, he knew that dating was serious to him. He couldn’t casually date, dating had always been a big deal to him and you were…you were wonderfully rare. The woman he had dated in the past had been so uniquely amazing that he was intrigued but you, you were captivating, from that first conversation that led to the two of you sitting here, hands entwined together after spending hours in each other’s company…he had known straight away you were special but after actually being with you that fact was solidified. He wanted more Octobers with you, he wanted to take you to all his favourite places and he wanted to visit all the places you held near to your heart.

As Matthew pulled into the driveway of your house, the two of you climbed out of the car and each hauled a few pumpkins up to your front door which you managed to open whilst balancing several pumpkins.

You both placed them down and Matthew turned to face you, standing in your doorway.

“I had a really great time today.” Matthew told you, sincerity shining in his eyes.

“So did I.” You replied, you really had had the best day with him and could only hope for many more to come.

“Can I take you out again soon?” He asked you, smiling as you nodded.

“I’d really like that.” The two of you, much like this morning when he picked you up, stood there for a moment, just taking the other in, before Matthew leaned down and placed a soft lingering kiss to your cheek.

“See you soon then.” He said quietly as he pulled away.

“Can’t wait.” You replied back, matching his tone and leaned against the doorway until his car disappeared from view.

-

You fell into bed that night with the biggest grin on your face, still riding the high from your date. You hadn’t had a chance to check your phone much since you’d gotten home but now that you were done for the night you pulled it out to open Instagram and began scrolling through your feed before switching to the explore section to scroll through some random pictures.

Whilst you scrolled aimlessly you paused at a set of pictures that had been uploaded three hours ago. There was you and Matthew, picking pumpkins, him pushing you in the wheelbarrow, the two of you leaning into each other laughing with flushed cheeks and finally a picture of you and Matthew during the hayride, you resting your head on his shoulder and him smiling down at you. When you clicked the comments you saw the fans were absolutely ecstatic.

Though you were slightly annoyed at whoever this person was for uploading what were clearly private moments, you also knew you didn’t have the privilege of privacy and neither did Matthew. You couldn’t help but smile down at the pictures though, they were cute and you couldn’t resist screenshotting them, the last one made you soft though, the expression on Matthew’s face…it was like he couldn’t believe you were there with him which was silly because if anyone should be in disbelief it was you.

You pressed the share button and then clicked your private messages with Matthew to send him the pictures before sending another message.

‘I think after this we’ll definitely break the internet.’

It didn’t take long before Matthew messaged you back.

‘We really should’ve had bets on how long it would take to get online. I do like the pictures though.’

‘Yeah, me too. Thank you today, Matthew, I had an amazing time. I can’t wait to see you again.’

‘I had a wonderful day too, I’m excited for our next date.’

‘Do I get to know what we’re doing this time?’

‘Hmm…nope! Have you got plans for Halloween?’

‘No, I’m free’

‘Can I take you out then? I have such a good idea!’

You laughed out loud as you read his message, his excitement seeping through the screen.

‘I’m looking forward to it.’

‘You’re going to love it, trust me. I have an interview early tomorrow morning so I should get to bed. I really did have a great time with you today, Y/N. I look forward to seeing you again. Goodnight.’

‘I had an amazing day, I can’t wait to see you again. Goodnight Matthew.’