I Always Feel Bad Thinking I Would Prefer Having A Weelchair Some Days

i always feel bad thinking i would prefer having a weelchair some days

i would never say it out loud because i know it would be an invonvenience and people already look at me weird for using a cane, but i would actually just be able to do things whenever i want to...

being chronically ill it's so difficult to not dismiss healthy people struggleing with a short time illness

like "i'm sorry you got a cough, i have to make big adjustments to my everyday life to not regularly faint" is not the answer i wanna give others

saying "oh you're tired cause you stayed up on tiktok for too long? i didn't sleep at all cause of how much pain i was in" isn't empathetic

it's just hard not to compare my suffering to others seemingly minor issues

i always need to remind myself that this isn't minor to them, no matter how i might feel about it... i refuse to loose my empathy in addition to everything else i have to limit

i love crocheting, but it messes with my wrists and makes them hurt even more, yet i refuse to give it up, because i don't want my illness taking another thing from me that i enjoy (especially since i can do it without leaving my bed)

i think i keep forgetting my chronic illness won't just stop once i graduate... like i'll actually have to live with it in the future and i have to work with it

i've always seen my graduation as the final goal before having the freedom to decide what i want my life to look like and now that is being taken from me

i always forget... i guess despite all i am still secretely waiting for a magical cure

me: oh! i think i feel ok today!

me: [sits up]

me: oh. never mind

me casually overdoing it on a low symptoms day and then wondering the next day why i feel bad

(will i ever learn? probably not)