Anakin Is In A Mafia, But Not A Mafia Au.

Anakin is in a mafia, but not a mafia au.

During his junior padawan years he sneaks out to go podracing and winds up pit fighting on the recommendation of someone he doesn't know is in a crime syndicate

Somehow, "you're good at pit fighting, how do you feel about standing behind me and looking threatening during a few ... meetings"

Becomes

"You need me to send someone to tattooing? Oh to check on your mom. Sure thing"

And

"Your senatorial lady friend's Clone Rights Bill is facing strong pushback? Let me make a few calls."

Anakin never realizes that he has become the heir to a criminal empire.

"Blood sacrifices keep the world from eating your feet"

Red, overly sarcastic productions

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Eurylochus: OK normally I'm all for taking the route that risks the fewest men, but you're acting really erratic right now, so I'm taking command for all of our good.

----

1 hour later

Eury: I'm hungry so I'm going to kill this cow. The sun gods cow. That belongs to Zeus' friend. Even though 11 ships sank because we ate a sheep owned by poseidon's son.

Odysseus: what the fuck eurylochus

Fun Fact, legalizing ADUs and multi family housing on single family zoned lots will not led to you living in the Kowloon Walled city, densifying a city doesn't necessarily mean living like "sardines"

Rewatching A New Hope and guys. Guys.

We have all fallen for Han's propaganda.

Look, Han might think he's a suave, smooth-talking pilot-slash-smuggler who can outsmart a whole ship of Imperials, and that Luke's a naive little farmboy who's never seen hyperspace before, but honestly?

The whole time on the Death Star, it was Luke calling the shots. Luke bluffed an officer into thinking he was a stormtrooper with a bad comm unit; Han started shooting as soon as the door was open. Luke spent about 2 seconds on the altruistic argument - "but they'll kill her!" - before figuring out Han's angle and swapping to the argument that would win. Luke pulled out a cell block number as soon as the guard asked; Han famously fumbled the first comm call.

We give Luke a bad rap for being an idealistic farm kid, but he's not stupid. He knows when he's being scammed, although he might be a bit loud about calling it out; he's ready for trouble and pretty on the ball with coming up with cover stories. He might expect the best of people - but you know what? It works! People want to live up to those expectations - so they do. Han comes back. His father turns from the Dark Side. People listen.

Han might think he's an idiot, but when you look at everything Han gets up to himself...