Akf - Tumblr Posts

Dean, Sam and Cas know each other so well that they always know when one isn’t okay. They can play it off and say they’re great, but the others will always know when one of them is just faking it.

I really could need a person like that in my life. I can’t fully admit how depressed I am right now to anyone and I feel like not even my best friends know me well enough to see that I struggle.

I’ve been depressed for so long that I’ve become really good at hiding it, so even when I tell others I’m not okay, they don’t really understand.

I’m just so grateful to Jensen, Jared and Misha because their work is what gets me through my days right now and distracts me a little from all this darkness inside of me.

In case anyone needs to hear this today.

Dean Winchester wants you to always keep fighting! You’ve got this!

I too hate being perceived.

My depression is kicking in really hard tonight and this just made me tear up cause I just want a hug like that. Dean Winchester, please hug me and kill my depression!😭

Is it messed up that I sometimes wish I’d live in the spn universe because killing physical demons or defeating monsters or god sounds easier then dealing with depression?

Because at least you can see monsters, you can just use spells or physical violence and just.. kill them. But depression attacks you from inside you brain and you can’t just do something like stab it with a special knife and it’s gone.

It’s this super long fight and on days like this I feel like I’m losing it.

“Welcome home”  Dean says as they are in the middle of nowhere and pulls Cas into his arms.

Sending you so much love!💛

You’re strong and you’ll get through whatever you’re struggling with right now!

And if you EVER need someone to talk, my inbox is always open!

(That goes for everyone who’s having a hard time, if you need to talk, I’m here!)

Hey uh so

This is my official one-note-one-day post.

I just- I don’t know what I’m hoping will happen just that I won’t almost die or want to die everyday.

I’ve just been not okay.

Today wasn’t great. I’ve got a panic attack in class because I’m anxious about passing my test next week and in addition to not being able to sleep properly for weeks now my IBS is acting up so that I physically feel like I was hit by a truck.

I just got a postcard from a friend who wrote me that they’re proud of me for studying so much and now I feel even worse because I feel like I’m lying. I’m not studying much, if I manage to do my homework, attend my 3 tutoring lessons a week and study vocs for 10 minutes daily that’s much for me already.

I really don’t study much because everything is so damn exhausting and to hear praise about my hard work makes me just feel like a fraud because it’s simply not true that I’m studying much.

But I also know that I’m dealing with a chronic illness and depression right now, so even when I do what would be the bare minimum for others, that’s hard work for me. I just hope it will be enough to pass this class.

What helped me through this day though is spn and this wonderful fandom. Y’all are so full of love and all your wonderful art helps distracting me from the pain I’m in. I love y’all idjits💛

Am I becoming obsessed with Supernatural again because I’m sliding back into depression OR am I depressed again because I’m obsessed with Supernatural again?

Like.. my obsession with Supernatural helps me get through the day because it’s the one thing that helps keep my mind occupied enough to not feel even worse and TFW motivates me to always keep fighting.

But it also makes me so sad because those poor babies have to suffer so much and it breaks my heart when I think about Destiel and what they went through and all the trauma J*hn put the boys through and I love Dean, Cas and Sam so much that it hurts to see them hurt so much, especially every detailed analysis someone posts about their trauma & childhood.

And then again it makes me sad to think about Supernatural because even though they went through so much shit, Cas, Dean & Sam have such a strong bond and I’m sad because I don’t have anyone who knows me like they know each other. I don’t have anyone who knows me enough to see through the smile I put on every day, who knows when I’m not okay and who will call me out when I say I’m okay and don’t mean it. I just want a relationship like the one Dean and Cas have but I don’t think it’s humanly possible to know each other like that and blindly understand the other one’s most secret thoughts and feelings and it makes me sad to know it’s impossible to ever have a connection like that with anyone.

I‘d normally say I‘m cas-coded, but I just realized that I‘m THEE queen of repressed emotions, which I think is very Dean of me..

If any of you have ✨any✨ tips on how I can stop being so fucking emotionally repressed please PLEASE let me know.

I just realized.. I’m exactly like Dean emotionally-repressed Winchester. I‘m creating intricate rituals just to touch their hands for a moment, I hold onto their coat, I drink waaay too much even though it’s ruining my health, all just because it makes me feel a little closer to them and helps me be a little more open and show them just a tiny bit more honestly how much they mean to me.. Although I’d never actually confess my true feelings.

I am usually SOOO cas-coded, but how I am with that person REALLY brings out the Dean in me. I just love them so much and I’d literally fight hell and god for them, the only thing I wouldn’t do is let the know how I feel. I just wish I could do more for them. They’re not in the best place mentally and I wish I could be what they need and help them, but I also don’t wanna pressure them into talking and I want to know they’re okay but they have a hard time talking about their feelings so I’ll never really know and I’m worried about them and there’s just nothing else I can think about than them.

I even started writing poems. Like.. a LOT of poems. I just really can’t deal with all this love for them, I see them almost every day and I always push my feelings down as deep as possible but they keep bubbling up and I just don’t find the right outlet.

Didn’t watch supernatural in almost a year when I got out of depression because I realized I was relating too hard to Dean & it wasn’t good for my mental health anymore because there was so much pain.

Right now I’m sick with the flue, coughing so hard I feel like it‘ll make me throw up & feeling nauseous which really does NOT pair well with my health anxiety & emetophobia.. So I was trying to find any show to watch to distract me from being anxious so I could fall asleep. I didn’t want anything „boring“, but I also needed something I already knew because I didn’t want it to keep me from falling asleep because I wanted to see what happened.

After a little consideration the good ol spn popped into my head and at first I was a bit worried it might remind me too much of when I was depressed & ne too hurtful & be bad for my mental health again, but at the same time I knew I needed some kind of comfort only this show could provide.

And man does it feel good to watch this again. It’s strange how something can be so painful & sad and yet so incredibly comforting. Like I feel actual pain now watching the first season because after watching the entire show (& spending countless hours reading in-depth psychonanlysis about this show - thanks tumblr) now all the abuse Dean suffered from J*hn is SO damn obvious. And yet, at the same time, although he‘s kinda broken and I just wanna hug him, Dean conveys this feeling of safety I just really lack in reality right now. I just need someone like him who‘s adorkable and quirky and SO PROTECTIVE AND STRONG.

Right now I‘m crying because I’m so sorry for everything Dean had to go through, I‘m laughing about the way he talks, his sass, how he uses m&m‘s like breadcrumbs to lead Sammy to where the Wendigo took him, the way he talks to authority, the way he kills all evil sons of bitches he encounters because it helps with his trauma. I feel like I got a good friend back and although my anxiety is still there and I still feel like a walking corpse and I still can’t sleep even though it’s 4am & my sick body could need it, I feel a little more protected and just like there’s someone just on the other side of a screen who‘s there to help me get me through this.

I‘ve lived on my own for 7 years now and I wanna move back in with my mum for a few months cause being an adult is HARD and I need a break and I miss my fam so much since moving to the other side of the country. But my hometown is as straight as it gets, no queer community at all and my fam doesn’t really get me, they act like it’s a super political fight every time I politely ask to watch a fluffy sweet movie with a queer character. So yeah living so far sucks cause I miss them but at least here I‘ve got a queer community and the people are very tolerant. Idk what to do. It would only be a few months but still.. Also it might help my depression and take off a lot of pressure to move back there but it would make my anxiety get a hell of a lot worse🤡

Hey spn fam I’m really REALLY struggling with my mental health rn can you please help me and send me your fav/most uplifting/ funny spn gifs/ quotes/ anything?

I just really need any help I can get to make it through the night cause rn I don’t feel like I can keep fighting anymore

Every time I find myself in an impossible situation I just think about how Sam and Dean would start the apocalypse every other season and had to literally fight God himself

And they made it out every time

And it immediately makes me feel better about whatever the fuck I'm dealing with

jensen stans who hate jared are HILARIOUS to me.

jensen has admitted to punching people because they started shit with jared, has pulled jared off red carpets or crashed panels because be wasn’t feeling well, got angry over facebook pages badmouthing jared or at fans who told him to strop crying.

they lived together, then lived next to each other. they know each other inside out. their kids call each other “uncle”.

jensen said how “we never get tired of each other which i think speaks volume we spend that much time together and i think it's also why we're still here today... we get tired of misha” and how “jared and i are gonna be in harmony for the rest of our lives”.

jensen agreed when jared said “this isn’t the first lifetime we’ve been friends” implying their friendship is so strong it transcends lifetimes.

fam, and you really think the man wouldn’t immediately deck you if he found out you regularly send his soulmate/best friend for life hate? be serious.

I don’t know how celebs do it. Being out in the public eye so much is crazy. We can fail and falter and no one sees it…but they have something happen and the whole world is watching. Ugh! Poor guy. Hope he is okay. Would be cool if everyone changed their profile picture on Facebook to this with #WeLoveYouJaredPadalecki (picture came from here https://www.instagram.com/p/B4K6Q0NHm1s/?hl=en )