Aromantic Stuff - Tumblr Posts
Affinity
I talk about affinity a lot both here and on @trustedcompanionship, but I’ve never really defined it. That’s partially because I’m very resistant to defining it– it’s a lived experience and a feeling first, and a piece of terminology second. It’s inherently resistant to the tendency to divide up queer experiences into easily compartmentalized boxes that resemble DSM-V diagnostic criteria more than they do descriptions of the way an individual person sees themself and the world. Affinity as a term and as a paradigm for describing connections is inherently fluid.
That being said, affinity is any connection, desire for connection, or feeling of closeness that doesn’t feel like it fits under attraction, or that an individual does not feel comfortable describing as attraction. “It’s easy to talk to you” is affinity. “We have so much in common” is affinity. “I would follow you anywhere” is affinity. “I want to explore different kinds of intimacy with you” is affinity. Many other things can be affinity as well.
I do not want to be the arbiter of what counts or does not count as affinity. I didn’t invent this feeling and do not have the right to control how others experience it. Please respect my boundaries and do not ask me if what you’re feeling “counts” as affinity– only you can figure that out. If you don’t feel comfortable or right calling something attraction, you are welcome to use affinity as a shorthand to describe what you feel.
🦋 Indigo Aspec 🦋
[ID: A rectangular flag with 9 horizontal stripes. Top to bottom, the first three stripes are a gradient from soft purple to light pink, followed by a near-black purple stripe, an off-white stripe, and near-black purple stripe, and the last three stripes are a gradient from light blue-purple to deep indigo. The middle three stripes are thinner than the rest, with the near-black purple stripes being the thinnest and the off-white stripe being slightly bigger. END ID]
Indigo aspec is a label for those who are both aspec and conceptualise their experiences through affinity, and find both relevant to their identity. Indigo can be transferred onto more specific aspec identities, such as indigo aroace or indigo aplatonic, or it can be kept as is. Indigo aspec may present as any of the following experiences, but they're not comprehensive, and those who relate in a way not listed are welcome to identify as indigo aspec.
• Finding the intersection of these experiences relevant, important, or key to their identity.
• Feeling as though their experiences with aspecness and affinity are inherently intertwined.
• Feeling as though an understanding of either or both experiences can be developed or deepened by the acknowledgement of the other.
Co-coined with @arokill who helped make the flag, and with many members of the polyam aspec server who helped with the definition and coining of the term as well.
Someone: hey can you give me some relationship advice?
Me who's aroace: Communicate.
Someone: I tried but it didn't-
Me: break up.
repeat it with me :
ROMANCE-AVERSE AND ROMANCE-REPULSED AROMANTICS ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THEIR AVERSION/REPULSION!
ROMANCE-INDIFFERENT AROMANTICS ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO CARE ABOUT ROMANCE!
ROMANCE-FAVOURABLE AND ROMANCE-AMBIVALENT AROMANTICS ARE NOT LESS AROMANTIC FOR ENJOYING ROMANCE IN SOME WAYS!
FEMALE AROMANTICS ARE NOT 'QUIRKY' PICK-MES OR OLD MAIDS!
MALE AROMANTICS ARE NOT INCELS OR MISOGYNISTS!
NON-BINARY AROMANTICS ARE VALID AND SHOULD BE SUPORTED AND ARE NOT FADDISH!
ALLOSEXUAL AROMANTICS ARE NOT WHORES OR PROSTITUTES FOR HAVING SEXUAL ATTRACTION AND NOT ROMANTIC ATTRACTION!
ASEXUAL AROMANTICS ARE NOT INCOMPLETE OR MISSING SOMETHING!
AROMANTICS DON'T OWE YOU A RELATIONSHIP!
AROMANTICS DON'T OWE YOU LOVE OF ANY KIND!
To all my Aro/Ace out there you are loved!!!
CIS MALE AROMANTICS/ASEXUALS, YOUR VALID AND KEEP REMEMBERING THAT!!