Bsd Angst - Tumblr Posts
âź đšđđđđđđđđ âź
đ°đ đđđđâŠ
đđšđ° đđđ§ đđĄđ đŠđđ đđšđ đšđ đđĄđ đ©đšđ«đ đŠđđđąđ đđŻđđ« đ„đšđŻđ đđ§đČđšđ§đ?
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đđšđ° đđđ§ đđ§đČđšđ§đ đ„đšđŻđ đŹđźđđĄ đ đ©đđ«đŹđšđ§ đ°đąđđĄ đ§đš đĄđđđ«đ, đšđ§đ„đČ đ đĄđšđ„đ„đšđ° đŹđĄđđ„đ„ đšđ đ đđšđđČ đđĄđđ đđšđ„đ„đšđ°đŹ đšđ«đđđ«đŹ.
đđšđ«đ€đąđ§đ đ°đąđđĄ đĄđąđŠ đąđŹđ§âđ đđŹ đđđ đđŹ đšđđĄđđ«đŹ đđđŹđđ«đąđđđ đŹđźđ«đ©đ«đąđŹđąđ§đ đ„đČ.
đđâđŹ đŹđđ«đšđ§đ đđ« đđĄđđ§ đĄđ đ„đšđšđ€đŹ đąđ§ đČđšđźđ« đšđ©đąđ§đąđšđ§ đđźđ đĄđ đđšđ§đŹđđđ§đđ„đČ đđĄđąđ§đ€đŹ đđĄđđ đąđŹ đ©đąđđČ đđđąđ§đ đđĄđ«đšđ°đ§ đđ đĄđąđŹ đđđđ.
đđ đšđ§đ„đČ đĄđ đđšđźđ„đ đŹđđ đĄđšđ° đŹđđ«đšđ§đ đĄđ đđ«đźđ„đČ đąđŹ đąđ§đŹđđđđ đšđ đđšđŠđ©đđ«đąđ§đ đĄđąđŠđŹđđ„đ đđš đđĄđ "đ°đđ«đđđąđ đđ«".
đđšđź đđđŠđąđ«đđ đĄđąđŠ đđźđ đĄđ đŹđđ° đČđšđź đđŹ đ đđąđŹđđ«đđđđąđšđ§ đĄđ đđšđ§đŻđąđ§đđđ đĄđąđŠđŹđđ„đ.
đđ đĄđđŹ đđš đ€đđđ© đĄđąđŹ đ«đđ©đźđđđđąđšđ§ đšđ« đĄđ đ°đšđ§âđ đ đđ đđđłđđą đđ©đ©đ«đšđŻđđ„ đĄđ đđšđ§đŹđđđ§đđ„đČ đŹđđČđŹ đđš đĄđąđŠđŹđđ„đ.
đđšđź đđ„đ°đđČđŹ đŹđđđČđđ đ°đąđđĄ đĄđąđŠ đđđŹđ©đąđđ đ€đ§đšđ°đąđ§đ đđĄđ đđ«đźđđĄ, đđĄđšđźđ đĄ đĄđ đ§đđŻđđ« đđ±đ©đ«đđŹđŹđđŹ đąđ, đČđšđź đđ„đ°đđČđŹ đ€đ§đđ°.
đđđŹđ©đąđđ đđĄđđŹđ đđđđ„đąđ§đ đŹ đĄđ đĄđđ đđšđ°đđ«đđŹ đČđšđź, đČđšđź đđđđđ©đđđ đąđ đđ§đ đ§đđŻđđ« đĄđđđđ đĄđąđŠ đđšđ« đąđ, đČđšđź đđ„đ°đđČđŹ đŹđĄđšđ° đđĄđđ đČđšđźâđ«đ đĄđđ«đ đđšđ« đĄđąđŠ đđŻđđ§ đąđ đĄđ đŹđđČđŹ đĄđ đđšđđŹđ§âđ đ§đđđ đČđšđź, đČđšđź đđ„đ°đđČđŹ đđđ€đ đđđ«đ đšđ đĄđąđŠ đđŻđđ§ đ°đĄđđ§ đĄđ đŹđđČđŹ đĄđ đđšđŹđđ§đ đ§đđđ đđš đđ đđđ€đđ§ đđđ«đ đšđ, đČđšđź đđŻđđ§ đ«đđđŹđŹđźđ«đ đĄđąđŠ đ°đĄđđ§ đĄđ đŹđđČđŹ đĄđ đđšđđŹđ§âđ đ§đđđ đ«đđđŹđŹđźđ«đđ§đđ.
đđąđ§ đđđ§ đŹđđ đąđ, đŹđĄđ đŹđđđŹ đČđšđźđ« đ„đšđŻđ đąđŹ đ«đđđ„ đđšđ« đĄđđ« đđ«đšđđĄđđ« đđđŹđ©đąđđ đĄđąđŹ đđ đ đ«đđŹđŹđąđŻđ đđđđąđđźđđ đđšđ°đđ«đđŹ đČđšđź, đŹđĄđ đ€đ§đšđ°đŹ đĄđđ« đđ«đšđđĄđđ« đđ©đ©đ«đđđąđđđđŹ đđĄđđŹđ đđđđ„đąđ§đ đŹ đđ§đ đ đđŹđđźđ«đđŹ.
đđ đđđ€đ§đšđ°đ„đđđ đđŹ đđŻđđ«đČđđĄđąđ§đ đČđšđź đđš đŹđąđ„đđ§đđ„đČ, đĄđ đđšđźđ„đđ§âđ đ„đđ đČđšđź đ€đ§đšđ° đĄđąđŹ đđ«đźđ đđđđ„đąđ§đ đŹ đČđđ, đĄđ đđđđđ©đđđ đĄđąđŹ đđđđ„đąđ§đ đŹ đ„đšđ§đ đđąđŠđ đđ đš đđźđ đĄđ đđšđđŹđ§âđ đ°đđ§đ đđš đĄđźđ«đ đČđšđź.
đđâđŹ đźđ§đđđ§đąđđđ„đ, đđĄđ đŠđđ đđšđ đšđ đđĄđ đ©đšđ«đ đŠđđđąđ đĄđđŹ đđđ„đ„đđ§ đąđ§ đ„đšđŻđ đ°đąđđĄ đČđšđź, đĄđ đ°đšđ§âđ đ„đđ đđ§đČđšđ§đ đ€đ§đšđ° đđĄđ đđ«đźđđĄ đđĄđšđźđ đĄ đĄđ đ°đđ§đđŹ đđš đđđĄđąđđŻđ đĄđąđŹ đ đšđđ„đŹ đđđđšđ«đ đĄđ đđđ„đ„đŹ đČđšđź.
đđĄđđŹđ đđĄđšđźđ đĄđđŹ đ«đźđ§ đđĄđ«đšđźđ đĄ đĄđąđŹ đĄđđđ đđŹ đĄđ đ©đźđŹđĄđđŹ đđđźđŹđĄđą đđ°đđČ đđ«đšđŠ đ đźđ€đźđđĄđąâđŹ đđ„đđđ.
âđđšđź đđđŠđ§ đđšđšđ„, đĄđźđ«đ«đČ đźđ© đđ§đ đ đšâ, đĄđ đŹđđąđ đđŹ đ đźđ€đźđđĄđą đŹđ„đąđđđ đĄđąđŹ đ§đđđ€.
đđ đđ„đ°đđČđŹ đ€đ§đđ° đđĄđąđ§đ đŹ đ°đđ«đđ§âđ đđ„đ°đđČđŹ đ đšđ§đ§đ đđ đŹđąđŠđ©đ„đ đąđ§ đđĄđąđŹ đ„đąđ§đ đšđ đ°đšđ«đ€ đđźđ đąđ đšđ§đ„đČ đĄđâđ đ đšđ đđĄđ đđĄđđ§đđ đđš đđđ„đ„ đČđšđź đĄđšđ° đĄđ đđđ„đ, đĄđšđ° đĄđ đ«đđđ„đ„đČ đđđđ„đŹ.
đđšđźđ« đđąđ«đđ đđđđ đđšđ§đđšđ«đđŹ đąđ§đđš đŹđĄđšđđ€ đđ§đ đŹđđđ§đđŹđŹ đđ đđĄđ đŹđąđ đĄđ đąđ§-đđ«đšđ§đ đšđ đČđšđź đđŹ đĄđąđŹ đđšđđČ đŹđ„đšđ°đ„đČ đđđ„đ„đŹ đ°đĄđđ§ đđđźđŹđĄđą đđđ€đđŹ đČđšđź đ°đąđđĄ đĄđąđŠ đđš đ„đđđŻđ đđĄđ đ đ«đźđđŹđšđŠđ đŹđđđ§đđ«đČ.
đđ đšđ§đ„đČ đĄđ đĄđđ đđ§đšđđĄđđ« đđĄđđ§đđ, đĄđąđŹ đ„đđŹđ đđĄđšđźđ đĄđđŹ đđąđ«đđ„đ đĄđąđŹ đĄđđđ, đŠđđŠđšđ«đąđđŹ đđ„đšđšđ đĄđąđŹ đŠđąđ§đ đđŹ đĄđ đŹđ„đšđ°đ„đČ đđđ„đ„đŹ đźđ§đđšđ§đŹđđąđšđźđŹ.
âđđ đšđ§đ„đČâŠâ.
áŻđ»đđđ đđđ đđđđđđđ đđ đđđđđđđ đđđđ, đ đđâđ đđđđđ đđ đđđđ, đđâđ đđđ đđđđđáŻ
Dangerously Yours
Context: Dangerously Yours as Fem! Chuuya x Fem! Dazai
Chuuya swallowed hard as she finally looked at the woman who betrayed her so drastically, "If I betray you...I betray myself..."
"If I betray him, I betray my country..."
Dazai solemnly stared at her lover whilst Chuuya looked back out the window, dull light shining in; she hated it. There was a pit forming in her throat as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, "My country's very dear to me..."
"Dearer than I?" Dazai finally spoke, her shaky voice echoed through the room, drawing Chuuya's attention back to her.
"No...no, not dearer than you..." Her hat cast a shadow over her face, desperately avoiding eye contact as if it were a disease that she could catch any minute now.
"Then, will you help me defeat him?" Dazai stepped closer, slowly yet shakily grabbing Chuuya's hand as an act of affection. She wanted her to know that she still loved her...and deeply cherished their bond with eachother.
Chuuya's eyes widened slightly, pulling her hand away and closer to her chest, "Help...you...? Defeat him...?"
"By telling me his plans- that's the only way I could hope to defeat him..." Dazai paused momentarily, staring desperately at Chuuya, "We can't both win, you see, Chuuya..."
Chuuya finally stared into Dazai's eyes, slowly beginning to recognize her but as a stranger. "I'm beginning to see," she wiped the tears that escaped her eyes and exhaled sharply.
"Then you will help me?"
"By giving you any information I may possess concerning our plans?"
"Yes..."
Chuuya looked away, clenching her fists as her breaths became more unstable, "You're very clever, aren't you?"
She looked up at Dazai yet again, expression turned cold and sour. Hatred burning through her eyes as warmth coursed through her body, "Oh, I can read you like a book now..."
Dazai's breath hitched as Chuuya stalked toward her, refusing to touch her in order to not delve into Dazai's cravings, "You thought I was young and easily swayed,"
"That you could make me love you," Her voice started to increasingly raise in pure anger and hatred, "And I would THROW AWAY MY COUNTRY-- my duty...for you..." her throat burned as tears streamed down her face, nails digging into her own skin whilst she unknowingly started drawing blood from her own, gloved, palm.
"That's not the way to look at it, Chuuya," Dazai stated sternly, not wanting to show her true emotions, her heart felt heavy as she stared at Chuuya expectantly; needing that information.
"You weren't so wise after all- because you've lost, do you hear me?! LOST!"
Dazai stepped back, away from Chuuya. She was aware her lover would grow angry, however she did not think Chuuya would refuse to indulge her.
Chuuya snarled, "You guessed WRONG in our little duel of wits. You forgot how close hate is to love!" Her body shook violently as she walked passed Dazai.
"You don't know what you're saying, Chuuya!" Dazai grabbed her hand quickly, hopelessly, searching for the words to say so everything could be fixed.
"YOU NEVER LOVED ME-- you KNEW that I loved you...and YOU USED THAT...!" Chuuya sobbed, aggressively pulling her hand away from Dazai.
"Chuuya, stop talking like a child! We're playing for countries now!" She attempted to grab ahold of Chuuya, however Chuuya rejected her touch and opened the door to leave,
"Yes we are, aren't we?"
As the door slammed behind Chuuya, Dazai stood alone. Alone yet again in a dark, empty room.
Lupin trio angst thing
lil analysis and kinda my take on odas death? Absolutely not cannon, just why i think everything played out the way it did
I think oda knew full well how much he mean to dazai and even ango, and how hard they would take his death
I think oda knew how much it would hurt dazai, knew how it would shatter his heart. And then did it anyways
He got revenge for his kids yes, but he absolutely broke dazai in the process and essentially said "oh well" like it was just something that didnt matter yet or even at all. He would have never gone against his dream to become a writer without killing anyone(else) if dazai or ango had something similar happen to them. Sure he would go try to save them and risk his life, but he wouldnt kill like he did eith the kids
Oda cared for the kids more than he ever cared for dazai and ango
And then, he had his lil selfish(kinda) moment
When he dies he grabs onto dazai right? He does this because he doesnt want to see himself die, and certainly doesnt want to see dazais reaction. He isnt ready to face what hes actually done to this kid
So⊠anyone want to take my request? Of course it's platonic and I wanted it to be a little dark.
Bsd x Kawaii chan!reader? Reader is the daughter of a former Mafia boss. Because the reader's mother's family owed money to the Mafia, the reader's mother's parents sold her mother to the Mafia as repayment when she was 20 years old. Because of the pain of being physically and mentally abused by the previous Mafia boss, when Y/n was born and turned 10 years old, Y/n's mother committed suicide. Y/n was also abused by him, so she lost all emotions and suffered from some kind of disease that prevented Y/n from developing, causing Y/n to stay at the age of 10. It was quite like immortality but in the form of body, still dead. Y/n successfully escaped from the Mafia. When the previous Mafia boss died, Mori ordered the search for Y/n to return, but several Mafia members died because killed by Y/n because she promised herself she would never return to the Mafia. Y/n's ability is to summon any type of weapon by the teddy bear. Behind the teddy bear there is a lock on the back but that is just an extra part. The main part is the lolita dress, as long as Y/n holds both sides of the dress, the weapon will fall like this:
(It's just an illustration of the teddy bear and the lolita dress)
The character Kawaii chan does not belong to me, belongs to the author Avogado6. Sorry if it's confusing because English is not my languageđ
âčïž
MIDNIGHT RAIN â OSAMU DAZAI â§
âș synopsis: dazai's melancholia is addicting.
âș details: dazai x reader. nsfw. smut to angst. mentions of alcohol and smoking. established relationship.
âș a/n: i'm actually so proud of the second to last line,,, you should read just for that specific line + thanks for 1300!
dazai's a stressed man â that's what years upon years of living in environments as active and tense as the mafia and the agency would do to anyone. so on the somewhat rare occasions that dazai softens around you, it's not a problem for you to oblige him.
ever since the two of you started dating, you haven't had a free night to yourself. nights that were once spent on the couch are now spent following dazai through the scarcely lit parts of yokohama, the only illumination of his figure being the soft rays of twilight bleeding from the sky.
on your little nights out, he never lets go of your hand. whether it's to tug you along cobblestone pathways or comfort you in the alleys you used to avoid, his fingers are always threaded through your own.
the more comfortable he gets with you, the more touchy he gets. dazai's arms seem like they were made to wrap around your waist, and you can't help but feel like a part of you's missing when his fingers aren't tangled with your own.
dazai's good with his words, and even better with his hands. only someone as adroit as dazai could make you see stars on your bedroom ceiling with just his fingers.
on nights when the agency works him like a dog, it's all you can do to keep your heart from melting when you see the way he falls asleep in your arms. for him, your touch is dangerously drug-like â something like a sedative, as he tells you the morning after.
dazai wouldn't have it any other way â he'd rather be addicted to you than to cigarettes or alcohol. and, lucky for him, he finds out after your first night in his sheets that you even taste better too.
one crisp evening after one too many glasses of whiskey, dazai's lips find their way to your collarbone, brushing across your skin in an almost ghost-like manner. the way he's holding himself back is almost painful to watch â the longing in his eyes plus the way he flexes his fingers pulls out a plea for him to just touch you from your lips.
one thing leads to another, and within a couple minutes your clothes are discarded to who-knows-where and all you can think about is how good dazai is to you.
and yet, even an hour later, he's holding himself back. despite being under the influence, dazai retains enough of his mind to resist the growing urge to fuck you to his heart's content. only after your pleas turn into full-on begging does he give in, deftly pushing your legs apart and sliding in effortlessly, mumbling praises on just how well you're taking him.
dazai eats you out like a man starved â when you convince him to fuck you with his tongue, he's ravenous. to him, you taste like heaven, and to someone who's certainly going to hell, he can't help but savor the taste of the paradise he'll never set foot in.
someone with such a tainted past like him doesn't deserve such a good girl like you. you shouldn't have to bear any part of the burden that rests on dazai's shoulders â it's not your fault he's so attracted to you.
that's a lie. the blame can only be put on you for being so accommodating, so comforting, so fucking perfect â at least, that's what dazai tells you from his spot in between your legs.
the pornographic sounds that the two of you make over the course of the night fluctuate every time one of you goes over the edge, mind swamped with nothing but thoughts of the other.
the night goes by too fast, marked by love-drunk kisses and nearly-spilt glasses of whiskey. neither of you has any idea how it started or how it'll end â the rumpled sheets tangled in between your legs is enough.
promises of i'm yours fall from both of your lips as the high starts to fade and your breaths start to slow, sleep tugging at the backs of your minds.
as the view around you fades to black, a last whisper slips through your lips. just before your eyes flutter closed, you relish the look of surprise on your boyfriend's face â it's exceedingly rare to catch dazai off guard, and for you, the person he thinks he understands the most to do so? impossible.
and yet the six words you murmur as your head hits the pillow leave dazai open-mouthed for a moment. he's speechless. the words themselves aren't much, but the meaning behind them is everything.
all good things come to an end â as a member of two of the most perilous organizations in yokohama, dazai knows this all too well. being surrounded by death and danger for half your life tends to destroy one's faith in destiny, and yet, as dazai watches you fall asleep on his chest, he dares to let himself hope against all odds.
all good things come to an end, but hopefully, this won't. he's invested far too much into this for it to crumble â if the worst happened, he'd never love again. it wouldn't be worth the risk, not if someone as perfect as you managed to slip through his fingers. he couldn't lose you, too.
so when he hears his thoughts mirrored on your lips, something in dazai's heart breaks. all his life, he'd been taught that permanence was a false promise. everything ended, good and bad, eventually. dazai had been taught to cut people off before they could hurt him, but for you?
if loving you was pain, then by all means, consider him a masochist.
"i hope i never lose you."
a/n: cornelia street is the best song off lover,, fight me. also yeah this is inspired by cornelia street but i wanted to make it more melancholic. i really enjoyed writing this ><
reblogs very appreciated!
Bungou Stray Dogs MasterList!
Hi! welcome to my masterlist!
this post will constantly get updated,so make sure to visit it from time to time if you dont wanna miss my work!
do not reblog this post please because of the same reason
please keep in mind that most of my work contains NSFW content, so pay attention to the warnings before reading the text
Return to main MasterList | Second MasterList | My writing list | Rules
âOsamu Dazai
âPm!Dazai Dating Osadaku's Younger sister
âDazai having an s/o whose ability is similar to Megumi Fushiguru's from Jjk
âDazai with an s/o who has a sensitive neck
âDazai with an s/o who's giving birth to his child
âSmut Drabble
âLove Like Cherry Blossoms (Fic)
â"Are you gonna kiss me or not?"
â"Are you enjoying yourself, Belladonna?"
âChuuya Nakahara
âChuuya with a fem!reader who is a great match for him
âChuuya with an s/o who has a personality similar to Dazai
âRest with me (With Fem!reader)
âFirst kiss headcanons
âRelationship Headcanons
âFinding s/o's sex toys
âAtsushi Nakajima
âAtsushi with a sweet and shy s/o
âAtsushi with a melodramatic s/o
âAtsushi and the reader being his older sister
âAtsushi with a nonbinary s/o who seems out-going but is actually insecure and quiet
âWedding headcanons for Atsushi and his s/o
âMaking out headcanons for Atsushi and fem!reader
âFinding his s/o in his clothes,trying to imitate him
âMeeting a flirty reader for the first time
âWhen the reader sees him as a tiger for the first time
âBeing with an affectionate but insecure s/o
âBeing with a female s/o who can turn into a wolf
âThe misunderstanding (Ft. Fem!Reader)
âWith an s/o who's quiet in large crowds
âRyuunosuke Akutagawa
âAkutagawa being friends with a reader who's got sweet but sassy personality
âAkutagawa with a Fem!reader who looks up to him
âAkutagawa Dating Atsushi's twin sister | Part 1 & Part 2 & Part3
âWedding headcanons for Akutagawa and fem!reader
âAkutagawa with reader being his younger sister
âCuddling with his s/o after a long day
âThe reader has a crush on him so she messes with Higuchi
âWhen hes sick and refuses to rest (Ft. Fem!Reader)
âGetting to be your first time
âFyodor Dostoevsky
âFyodor teaching his s/o how to play the cello
âPronouncing his last name incorrectly
âThigh riding with Fem!Reader
âReader sitting on his lap
âCuddling with Fem!Reader
âNikolai Gogol
âOut of condoms? Not a problem
âBrat taming his S/O
âMornings with him
â"Do you need to use your safeword, Darling?"
âThirsting over his body
âSigma
â"When I wake up,you'll still be here; right?"
âMotojiro Kajii
âFirst kiss scenario with fem!reader
âVarious Characters
âHow would bsd men lick pussy | Dazai & Chuuya & Atsushi & Akutagawa
âWith a s/o who got genderbent into a guy | Dazai & Atsushi
âWith a s/o who has suicidal thoughts due to severe depression | Dazai & Chuuya
âReacting to their s/o squirting | All Characters
âWhen their s/o is cold | All Characters
âWith a shy,nonbinary s/o | Akutagawa & Atsushi
âWhen they witness their soon-to-be girlfriend kicking out her cheating ex-boyfriend | Akutagawa & Atsushi
âTelling them "I hate you" while being intimate | All Characters
âKissing them in the middle of an argument | Chuuya & Kunikida
âTheir reaction when you say youre pregnant while talking to your friend on the phone and then leave the car | Chuuya & Atsushi
âThings that BSD men would cheat on you with | All Characters
âWhen you fake an orgasm | All Characters
âBeing colligeaues with a Shy fem!reader | Atsushi & Dazai & Chuuya
âWith a shy, soft spoken s/o | Atsushi & Dazai
âGiving their friend headpats after a tiring mission | Part 1 & Part 2
âWhen you bite their cheek | Dazai & Chuuya & Atsushi
âFellas grab your ladies trend | Dazai & Kunikida & Atsushi & Akutagawa & Chuuya
âComforting their s/o when she feels down | Higuchi & Dazai & Atsushi
âPlatonic headcanons in high school Au | Dazai & Fyodor
âWhat their sexuality might be | Dazai & Kunikida & Atsushi & Yosano & Tanizaki & Ranpo
âPretending to give them head | Dazai & Chuuya & Atsushi
âTexting them "He's gone you can come over" | Dazai & Chuuya & Atsushi & Sigma & Fyodor
âGiving them head | Dazai & Chuuya & Ranpo & Nikolai & Tachihara
âBeing jealous of their child | Dazai & Chuuya & Ranpo & Nikolai & Fyodor
âGoing down on you | Dazai & Tachihara & Chuuya & Yosano & Fyodor & Nikolai & Ranpo
âFeeling sore the morning after | Dazai & Nikolai & Ranpo & Chuuya & Mori & Tachihara & Fyodor
âWith a chubby reader | Nikolai & Atsushi & Akutagawa
âTeasing them | Dazai & Fyodor & Nikolai & Ranpo & Chuuya
âSitting on their lap | Dazai & Kaji & Ranpo & Nikolai & Chuuya
âSitting on their face | Dazai & Ranpo & Chuuya & Nikolai & Fyodor & Tachihara & Mori & Jounou & Atsushi & Sigma & Poe
âMessing up his meeting with your dad | Dazai & Kunikida & Chuuya & Tachihara & Tanizaki & Ranpo & Nikolai & Sigma
âCalling them "Daddy" | Dazai & Chuuya & Akutagawa & Atsushi & Fyodor & Nikolai
âGetting to be your first time | Dazai & Chuuya
âWorshipping your boobs | Dazai & Nikolai & Chuuya & Ranpo & Jouno
âDrunk confession | Dazai & Chuuya & Fyodor
âIncorrect Quotes
One â Two â Three â Four â Five â Six â Seven â Eight
To be added...
Lil stormbringer vid cuz this part of the song is so them
Why can't they just be happy siblings living in the countryside and have chuuya's friends be alive smh
.
This is from my tiktok btw I'm @.lala.oopsie
:D
Q sketchesđ€đ€đ€ I just want kunikida to have a mission involving them guys he would save my little guy from the STUPID MAFIA wtv idc wait does anyone know any fics like that or is anyone gonna write one PLSPLSPLSPPAPLS
đȘđ”đ đđđŒđ±đŒđż đ¶đđ»'đ đđŒđ± đźđ»đ± đ±đŒđČđđ»'đ đđźđ»đ đđŒ đŻđČ đ”đ¶đș
Fyodor isn't God. He can't be. He, himself, would absolutely detest an idea like that. Even if this thought came up in his head, he would immediately cast it away. Why?
Because Dostoevsky needs someone outside himself he can trust. Someone to whom he can reach out to and get reassurance, when he's confused, scared or hurt.
Fate didn't gift Fyodor loving parents or mentors. But he still longs to be protected, saved. Fyodor wants to believe that there is a Deity out there, who's looking out for him. Even if hundreds of humans want him dead, God will still include him in his plans.
Dostoevsky is painfully self-conscious of how not all-powerful he is. His body has a weak anemic complexion he himself sees as a disadvantage. Fyodor's probably been put through a lot of agonizing pain and pushed to his limits. That's why he is so aware of each of his human weaknesses, whether mental or physical.
Even Fyodor's intellect, the one and only thing he prides himself upon, isn't perfect. He can and does make mistakes. He has spent centuries on a goal that still only about to be fulfilled despite him doing nothing but chasing it.
And what happens when Dostoevsky can't do something? What happens when he messes up?
He turns to his Creator and says that it was a part of His plan. It's a trial. It's all included and aligned in God's mind. And if it's true, no pain or deaths were ever unnecessary. Dostoevsky just did everything as the God said. He can't blame himself.
Therefore, guilt can go away. Fyodor did nothing but follow God's plan. He shouldn't feel any regret.
My saving grace during the perilous time that ao3 is down
Crutches
genre: hurt/comfort
warnings: implied self harm (not explicitly described,) mentions of low body weight/implied eating disorder, suicidal thoughts, general dazai angst warning
pairing: soukoku
word count: 4.2k
masterlists
Chuuya hears a knock on his apartment door and immediately he knows who it is, and immediately he knows that heâll inevitably open the door. Still, he replies harshly, âGo home, shitty Dazai!â
Itâs the middle of the nightâwell beyond midnightâ and the only reason Chuuya is awake is because heâs leaving for a week-long mission out of the country and he needs to wrap up some paperwork before leaving Yokohama. If it werenât for that mission, Chuuya would have been in bed hours agoâlike Dazai should be now.Â
It wasnât like this was particularly unusual. Maybe once a week, or once in a few weeks Chuuya would get a knock at his door at three or four in the morning. Everyone else that knew Chuuya knew better than to dare to even attempt to wake him so late, so every time that left only one person who could be at the door. Dazai.Â
A few moments pass in silence, and thatâs when Chuuyaâs stomach starts to turn. Normally, if Chuuya didnât come to the door instantly, Dazai continued knocking. Silence rarely ever followed that initial knock, and when it did, Chuuya knew that it meant something was wrong.Â
As soon as the realization comes to mind, Chuuya is on his feet and headed towards the door, silently praying that Dazai is still there when he opens it. When he does, at first Chuuya thinks that his prayers were ignored and that heâd have to go out and find his ex-partner, an ordeal that wouldn't be the first time, but one that Chuuya never wanted to repeat. Then, when he sticks his head out a little farther into the hallway, he sees the back of a beige coat, and he feels like he can breathe again.Â
âOsamu, get back here,â Dazai halts in place in the hallway, although he doesnât turn around just yet. âI know you heard me, get back here and come inside.â
Chuuya knows this story all too well, and he knows just as well that he canât let Dazai leave, even if thatâs what he pretends to want.Â
âThought you just told me to go home, Chibi,â Dazai replies with his back still turned to Chuuya, his voice low and sullen, just barely audible.Â
Chuuya sighs, rubbing his tired eyes, âShut up, you know I donât want that, now get in here.â
Dazaiâs shoulders visibly drop as he turns around to face Chuuya, who canât help but notice how⊠bad he looks right now. There are almost always bags under Dazaiâs eyes, always a slight slouch to his posture, but right now they seemed about a hundred times worse than usual.Â
âI didnât think dogs were supposed to give orders to their masters.âÂ
Chuuya has to bite back a response, he feels it just on the tip of his tongueâbut he lets it die there. He knows Dazai too well to do that; he knows that he is just trying to test Chuuya and get under his skin so that heâll get turned away. Too bad Chuuyaâs a smart dog and canât be tricked so easily.
âWhatever, Dazai,â Chuuya says as Dazai steps into his apartment at last.
Chuuya closes the door behind them and feels another gust of air enter his lungs. He never realized just how tense he got when he had to coax Dazai into letting him take care of him until after the hardest part was over.Â
Dazai stood a few feet beyond the entrance like a ghost who didnât know where he was. Despite being in Chuuyaâs apartment countless times, he felt so uncomfortable whenever he arrived like this. Like a shell of himself that didnât deserve to be taken care of the way that he knew Chuuya would insist upon. He wanted to push Chuuya away and never let him see the ugliest parts of him, and yet heâd brought himself here regardless because there was nowhere else he could go.Â
âWhenâs the last time you ate?â Chuuya asks, clearing the various papers and old food containers in order to make a spot at his table for Dazai.
Dazai still looks dazed and faintly confused as he takes the seat.Â
âUm. I donât really rememberâŠâ Chuuya doesnât wait for the rest of his response before opening his fridge and seeing what he could whip up for Dazai, ignoring him when he protests, âYou donât have to make anything. âm not hungry.â
âIf you donât want me to make you anything, tell me when and what you ate last. And if itâs been more than twelve hours, I donât really care what you say. You need to eat.âÂ
Firm yet caring; Chuuya had learned long ago that those were the best ways of taking care of Dazai in times like these. If he wasnât strict, Dazai would only get worse and Chuuya would feel guilty for allowing it. Caring didnât even require a second thought, although Chuuya often had different ways of showing it than anybody else other than Dazai would be used to.Â
Dazai didnât answer again, withdrawing himself to pick at the bandages around his wrists. Chuuya noticed that they were wrapped looser than usual, a sign that made his heart sink as he pulled out soup that heâd made earlier in the week; itâs not like Dazai would complain about leftovers, and Chuuya just needed him to eat something.
The apartment fell silent as Chuuya reheated the soup over the stove. He could tell that Dazai was trapped in his headâhe always stared at the line between bandage and skin when he was thinking negatively. It made Chuuyaâs heart ache to see Dazai like this, but he did take a bit of reprieve in knowing that at least he would be safe for tonight under his care. Of course, that also made the reminder that Chuuya would be gone tomorrow all the more painful, since he wouldnât be able to continue taking care of Dazai if he really needed itâChuuya prayed for the second time that night, hoping that Dazai would be okay without him for a week.Â
Dazai hardly raised his head when Chuuya placed a bowl of soup in front of him, and the only reason Chuuya even knew that heâd recognized his presence was the barely perceptible flinch at the sound of the bowl hitting the table.Â
âEat,â Chuuya instructed, blowing off and sipping some from his own bowl. He wasnât hungry and heâd already eaten earlier in the evening, but he knew that if he was to have any luck getting Dazai to eat, he had to eat with him.Â
âI told you Iâm not hungry. Such a disobedient dog,â Dazai remarks, although the glare he directed at the soup betrayed his fear and disgust at even attempting to eat.
Chuuya wanted to roll his eyes, but instead he continued looking pointedly at Dazai from across the table. âAnd I told you that I donât care. You need to eat, even just a little bit. Please?â
âWell since you decided to use your mannersâŠâ
âShut up, jackass. Just a few bites.â
Dazai let out a sigh that sounded like the entire weight of the world was crushing his lungs, but he picked up the spoon, albeit hesitantly and still visibly disgusted.Â
They sat for a total of about a half an hour at the tableâChuuya watching Dazai carefully and Dazai staring down the soup as if it had committed crimes against him. He did, however, manage to stomach down four spoonfuls before pushing the bowl away. It wasnât as much as Chuuya had hoped for, but he was thankful that at least Dazai had managed to get something in his stomach.
If he thought it would get an answer or be helpful, Chuuya would have asked what was wrong; but he knew this Dazai, and knew that even if there was something tangibly wrong, he wouldnât disclose it to anyone for anything. There never was any one thing that was wrong when Dazai was like this, it was simply the weight of the world crushing on his chest and his heart a little too much, the demons of his unfortunate past, present, and future haunting him, reminding him that he could never become somebody worth something. Chuuya wanted to suckerpunch every single one of those evil voices that tormented Dazai, that made his life more miserable than anybody deserved to live. He wanted to make everything okay, and it hurt every inch of his being that there simply was nothing that could be done.
Instead of waiting for the demons to materialize so that he could punch their lights out, Chuuya stands from the table and takes his bowl away, stopping by Dazai and asking if heâd like him to do the same with his. All he gets in response is a weak grunt and Dazai pushing his bowl at him, which he assumes is an affirmative answer. As Chuuya walks to set the dishes in the sink, he hears a thud, and looks up to see Dazai with his head on the table, arms wrapped around himself firmly.Â
âYouâre gonna give yourself a concussion slamming your head around like that,â Chuuya says, a mix of concern and reprimand in his voice as he quickly steps back over to the table. âCâmon, letâs go to bed.â
Dazai only turns his head on the table, as if itâs too heavy to lift. âChuuyaâŠâ is all he says, groaning the word so quietly and yet with so much pain laced in his voice that Chuuya instantly feels a shock of panic jolt through him.Â
Chuuya kneels down next to Dazaiâs chair so that the latter doesnât have to strain his eyes to look at him. âOsamu, look at me. Youâre alright, okay? Iâmââ he wants to say that heâs not going anywhere, but thatâs only true for three, maybe four more hours. âYouâre okay.â
âIt just,â Dazai takes in a shaky breath, âit hurts so bad and I donât want it. I donât want to hurt all the time. I canât do this.â
âYou can, you can do this. Youâre stronger than all of that bullshit, Osamu,â Chuuya says, only acutely aware that heâs pleading more than anything.Â
It takes a minute for Dazai to gain the strength to say anything, and when he finally does itâs so quiet, so weak that Chuuya can barely hear as he whispers, âI donât want to be strong. I canât be strong forever. I want it all to go away.â
Chuuya reaches a hand up to brush the hair out of Dazaiâs eyes, which have been staring blindly at the wall for the entirety of the conversation. Chuuya could see, could feel the emptiness from Dazaiâs dark irises as if they were black holes sucking everything else in to make up for the nothingness inside.Â
âMe too,â is all Chuuya manages to get out. He knows that heâs selfish to cry right now, but nothing could stop the tears from falling as he watches Dazai crumble in front of him. Itâs happened before right in front of Chuuyaâs eyes but somehow it never hurts any less to watch the most capable person he knows fall victim to his own mind.Â
Dazai doesnât say anything else, and Chuuya doesnât trust his own voice to not waiver if he does, not that he could say anything to change what was happening anyways. Instead, he runs his hand slowly, carefully up and down Dazaiâs back, feeling the ridges in his spine and the shallow breaths that sound painful for him to take.Â
An hour or so passes with the two of them sitting in silence like this. Chuuya watches as the sharpness of Dazaiâs pain melts into a constant, miserable ache. He wishes that Dazai could sleep when he was like this; not because Chuuya himself needed a break from watching over him, but because he could see so clearly how exhausted Dazai was. Years of sleep couldnât take away Dazaiâs pain, but at least when he was asleep he looked a little bit more at peace.Â
Despite how long heâd known Dazai, Chuuya still would have happily sat next to him and studied every one of his features for as long as it took for Dazai to come back to himself. If that were an option, it would have been the one that Chuuya would have taken. He never wanted to push Dazai too far in times like these, scared that one push too far would send Dazai over the cliff. But sitting and praying for Dazaiâs pain to go away wasnât an option tonightâChuuya had to leave in the morning and he needed to do something to get Dazai feeling at least a little bit more human again before he left. If he waited, God only knows how much worse Dazai would get if he were left alone to his thoughts.Â
Letting out a small huff, Chuuya gets up from his position on the ground, âLetâs go. You need a bath.â
Dazai doesnât so much as let out a petulant groan at Chuuyaâs demand, which worries the executive. He didnât expect much, but at least a sigh of disappointment that Chuuya was going to make him get up would have been a nice confirmation that Dazai was still conscious. Although, Chuuya supposed that it was better to know how difficult Dazai was going to be before attempting to help bathe him, even if the answer was that he was going to be extremely difficult.Â
Chuuya bends down to slip himself under one of Dazaiâs lanky arms. âCome on, Osamu. Iâm not asking you to do it yourself, Iâll help you. Just work with me a little bit here.â
Surprisingly, Dazai complies. Itâs begrudging and slow and not all that helpful, but he stands to his feet and allows Chuuya to drag him into his bathroom.
The scent of Chuuyaâs bathroom is familiar to Dazai, a comforting feeling settling over the room even if he doesn't have the mind to acknowledge it.Â
Without words, Chuuya runs water into the tub, allowing it to fill while he focuses on helping Dazai out of his clothes. Chuuya slips his coat off of him, followed by his vest, tie, shirt, and pantsâworking as quickly as he can while still being extremely careful; he knows that this is downright miserable to Dazai, so he tries to make the whole thing as painless as possible.Â
When he gets to Dazaiâs bandages, Chuuya finds himself holding his breath yet again. Heâs seen the scars countless times, helped Dazai change his bandages plenty, but it always felt sensitive when it was a night like this. Where Chuuya knew that when he pulled back the white gauze he would see new, irritated cuts that Dazai hadnât had the mind to properly take care of before leaving. Still, Chuuya remains steadfast in his resolve to take care of Dazai, never wavering once despite the constant urge to cry or maybe even scream threatening to overtake him.Â
After what feels like years to both of them, Chuuya helps Dazai into the bath, which is now full of warm water that seems to diffuse a little bit of the tension that Dazaiâs been holding onto. Itâs not much, but Chuuya notes it as a small step, and heâs grateful for any progress that he can get.Â
Carefully, almost as if Dazai were made of glass, Chuuya runs water over his head and body, movements so sure and steady that Dazai didnât need to do anything other than sit there and allow himself to be taken care of. Chuuya shampooed and conditioned his hair with his own productsâhad it been just any other day, Chuuya would have griped about letting Dazai use his expensive products, but it wasnât, so he lathered it through Dazaiâs tangled hair without so much as a grimace.Â
As he washed Dazaiâs body, Chuuya couldnât help but notice how frightfully thin Dazai was. It wasnât like he was ever at a completely healthy weight, but it was unnerving how Chuuya could see every bone defined clearly beneath pale skin, and he wondered how long it truly had been since Dazai had been able to eat an entire meal.Â
The bath didnât take long, which they were both grateful for, although Chuuya did allow Dazai to sit in the warm water for a few extra minutes when he was done. A bit of indulgence could go a long way.Â
Helping Dazai out of the bath proved to be just as much of a struggle as getting him in, but Chuuya did it and managed to get him fully dressed. It was as if Chuuya could hear the dueling going on in Dazaiâs head. He knew that Dazai didnât like being cared for like this, didnât like to be pampered or allow himself even the slightest luxury; but it was difficult to fight against comfort. Despite his brain screaming at him, telling him that he didnât deserve Chuuya, that he didnât deserve to be treated this well, his body was comfortable, which dampened his desire to flee.Â
It was almost eerie how quiet the penthouse remained since Dazaiâs arrival. For someone who was known for his boisterous, outgoing nature, he had remained more or less silent the whole evening. Chuuya knew that Dazaiâs thoughts were making up for the silence and more inside his head, but until he could find a way to sneak into Dazaiâs brain, all he could do was help from the outside.
Chuuya had given Dazai one of the large sweatshirts that he left over here for times like this, as well as a pair of pajama pants that Chuuya had been sure to pick up after the first time Dazaiâd had to wear Chuuyaâs much too short pants. Although the voices hadnât stopped in Dazaiâs head, he could admit that he felt a little bit closer to Earth now, a bit more grounded than when heâd arrived. Guilt always accompanied that comfort, but Chuuya knew that as well as Dazai did, and was quick to try dismissing the guilt.
âWhat do you need from me now?â He asked as they sat on Chuuyaâs bed. Dazai still remained rigid and preoccupied, but Chuuya could note that it was to a lesser degree now.Â
The question was less of a question and more of a plea; Chuuya needed Dazai to tell him what he neededânot wantedâneeded him to do. Every time he asked, Chuuya knew that he would do whatever Dazai asked at the drop of a hat, whatever that request was.Â
Dazai remained silent for a moment or two, but Chuuya could see him turning the question around in his head, examining it and wondering just how much he could allow himself to ask for.Â
âCan we just⊠lay here, for a while?â Dazai eventually asks, voice coming out so quietly, so hoarsely that Chuuya almost doesnât recognize it.Â
Chuuya nods and sits against the headboard. He knows that Dazaiâs request is really for physical contactâsomething to keep him tethered to realityâbut he doesnât need to ask for it outright, and with Chuuya, he doesnât need to.
He lays his head on Chuuyaâs lap tentatively, like it might burn if he lets himself rest fully, but his fear is resolved when Chuuya brings a hand to his head and runs his fingers through Dazaiâs still wet hair. Thereâs a release of tension when Dazai finally rests his head all the way on Chuuyaâs legs, one that is followed by a sigh from both of them.Â
For Dazai, the sigh is letting out the breath that he always held a little too long whenever he was asked to do something for himself. For Chuuya, the breath was a lot of thingsâthe most prominent being worry. In only a few short hours, he had to leave for a week. He never wanted to leave Dazai for that long, but especially not now, when he could feel the pain radiating from him. Chuuya knew that to leave meant to leave Dazai utterly and entirely aloneâa feeling which he knew was familiar for Dazai, but one that he never truly had to experience either as long as Chuuya was around.
He needs to tell Dazai, he thinks. If he has to postpone the mission, then so be it. He would rather stay here with Dazai than come home to him potentially in a state millions of times worse than this. There would be repercussions to postponing or even canceling such a big mission, but really Chuuya couldnât care less about any of that as Dazaiâs exhausted head rested in his lap.Â
Sucking in a shaky breath, Chuuya tries to speak softly and evenly so as not to betray his own emotion. âI have a mission coming up,â he starts slowly, watching for any reaction from Dazai, âand I leave in the morning. Will you be okay if I go? You know Iâll cancel if I need to, just say the wordââ
âNo.â The interjection comes so suddenly that Chuuya isnât sure that it was from Dazai. His eyebrows raise in confusion, but before he can ask anything, Dazai continues in a quiet voice, âDonât cancel. Please donât cancel because of me, I canât do that to you.â
Chuuyaâs heart breaks at the desperation in Dazaiâs response, eyes burning as he replies, âWill you be okay if I leave though? I donât care what you want me to do, Osamu, I care about what you need from me.â
Dazai breathes for a moment before responding, âI need you to go on that mission, Chuuya. I canât take you from that and be any better than if you leave me here alone.â
Itâs the response that Chuuya expected, unfortunately, but itâs not at all the one he wanted. If Dazai was going to insist that he leaves, he would have at least liked for him to seem a little more put together when doing so. He wasnât upset at Dazaiâs state of mind or his response, but man was he pissed at the world for making it this way.Â
âFine,â he concedes after battling the idea in his head. âBut youâd better call me immediately if thereâs a problem. Otherwise Iâm staying right here.â
Dazai turns and faces Chuuya, looking up at him with a pitiful expression, âI will.â
Chuuya doesnât reply further, instead taking the opportunity to peel the wet hair away from Dazaiâs face, caressing his cheek lightly, tenderly as he does so. He looks into Dazaiâs eyes, which although have gained a bit of consciousness behind them, still appear painfully empty. Chuuya wants to stay here with Dazai forever, reminding him that he is worth it, that he can deserve good things, and that heâs not the monster that heâs convinced himself he is. Thereâs a vicious clawing at his chest that reminds him that he canât stay here; it makes Chuuya feel impossibly smallâweak, even.Â
âIâm sorry I canât do more for you,â he whispers, leaning his head up to avert his gaze from Dazai and avoid the tears threatening to spill.Â
Chuuya doesnât expect a response, doesnât need one, but when he feels Dazaiâs hand wrap around his wrist, heâs jolted out of his thoughts and forced to look at Dazai.Â
âDonât apologize,â Dazai says, his voice the most solid itâs been since he arrived, âyou give me everything already, I know that. You give me everything that I donât deserve and more, Chuuya. Thereâs nothing more that you could possibly do for me.â
Dazaiâs voice is what breaks the dam that Chuuya has been building up carefully all night. Tears fall down his burning cheeks as he looks at Dazai with an untapped tenderness in his heart. It feels raw and burning, but Chuuya only clings to Dazai amongst the pain. He brings his other hand to Dazaiâs face, staring at him through blurry eyes as he leans down to kiss his forehead. Chuuya hates feeling helpless, but more than anything he hates seeing Dazai helpless and not being able to fix it. He rests his head against Dazaiâs as he cries, wishing that he could take it all away from Dazai, even if it meant taking it on himself.Â
âI just want you to be okay,â he chokes out between soft sobs.
Dazaiâs hold on Chuuyaâs wrist tightens ever so slightly, prompting Chuuya to open his eyes and look at Dazai once again. He doesn't say anything, and Chuuya realizes that he doesnât need to. There are no words to be spokenâhe canât tell Chuuya that he will be okay, because he doesnât know himself if thatâs true. He canât tell Chuuya what he needs to hear, but he can remind him that he is here. It makes Chuuya feel pathetic, to be comforted by the man whom he was supposed to be comforting, but it sets his heart at ease nonetheless.
Nothing will ever take away Dazaiâs pain, they both know that fully well. But Chuuya will stay at his side forever if thatâs what Dazai needs, and Dazai will be there as well to thank Chuuya for being his crutch. Even when he doesnât want it, Chuuya will always be there, unwavering and enduring for as long as they need, and as long as they can lean on each other, the world seems a little bit less cruel.Â
side note, i'm also posting this on ao3 so idk if you like it go give me kudos or something there also. ship fic doesn't usually do so hot on tumblr but whatever i really like this so it's getting posted. i hope y'all enjoy and thank you so much for reading :)))
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â°:.âą đđđđđ đđđ đđđđ !
synopsis. how the ada would react to dazai's death.
characters. atsushi, kunikida, ranpo, kyouka, yosano, kenji, tanizaki & fukuzawa.
cw. main character death, angst, making the sillies suffer again.
atsushi nakajima
Atsushi would lock himself away in his room at the news of Dazai's death. He wouldn't leave his room. Not for food, not for anything. He's always looked up to Dazai, admittedly, he shouldn't because he isn't the best mentor. But Dazai was the one to save him from starvation at that river, him and Kunikida. They saved his life. He'd feel really fucking guilty that he couldn't return the favour and save Dazai's life, too.
It would take months until he finally emerges from his room, pale as the moonlight and evident signs of hunger. But he didn't eat for weeks before, so he could do it again. Which is exactly what he did. Because the guilt and the sadness were constantly eating away at him.
After he left his room, he took on cases and such all the time to distract his mind. He always took them on with someone else, because if it was just him, he would be dead by now. He even ran into Akutagawa and Chuuya once, and he could tell the impact that Dazai's death had on them, too.
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kunikida doppo
Unlike Atsushi, he would not lock himself away. He'd find ways to keep himself busy. Especially because the death would mean such a big change in his life. He wouldn't have Dazai's constant wittering and whining in his ear, he wouldn't be scolding him 24/7 or chastising him because he wasn't working. Honestly, he was going to miss it.
It had managed to embed itself into his routine, he doesn't know what he's going to do to make up for the loss of it.
But he distracted himself constantly, working until late hours of the night and taking on cases everyday just to distract his mind from the thought of it all.
â°âïœĄ:ïŸïœ„*âœ:ïŸïœ„âïœĄâ°âïœĄ:ïŸïœ„*âœ:ïŸïœ„âïœĄâ°âïœĄ:ïŸïœ„*âœ
edogawa ranpo
Personally, I think Ranpo would feel rather guilty. Even though none of them should be feeling this way, he just would. How is he the greatest detective, but he couldn't even tell that Dazai was going to die? And he couldn't do anything to stop it?
I think there would be a noticeable change in his behaviour, and he's now using the sweets and snacks as a way to try and find a least an ounce of comfort. Because everything had changed with the news of his death.
He couldn't even say nor do anything to cheer people up, because everyone was quiet. It had impacted the ADA that much, that they all worked in dead silence.
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kyouka izumi
Kyouka didn't know Dazai on the level that the rest of the agency did, but she knew he meant a lot to everyone, especially Atsushi. Obviously, she would still be hurt by it, because they've lost a friend. Kyouka rarely wore a smile, anyways, but if you looked close enough, you could see the slight downturn of her lips that she couldn't fight to hide.
But what would hurt her the most is the state Atsushi is in, especially because he locked himself away, she'd be worried that he might be the next one they lose.
So, she probably forced herself into his room just to make sure he's eating, drinking, sleeping and just taking care of himself overall. Because she cannot lose him next.
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yosano akiko
Much like Ranpo, she would be overwhelmed with guilt. And she feels like it's eating away at her.
There was a desperate attempt from her using her ability to at least try and bring him back. Even though she knew she couldn't, it was worth a try, right? So, when she couldn't do it, the guilt broke her and started eating away at every little part of her.
Why? Why wasn't her ability good enough to bring him back? So, she made sure she was helping the rest of the agency everytime they were injured, even if it was just a small paper cut, or some small injury, she couldn't afford to lose another one.
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kenji miyazawa
The smile is gone. It occasionally returns when he's thinking about the good times in the ADA that they all had with Dazai. But it's gone just as quick as it came when he remembers that Dazai is actually gone and they can't get him back now.
He's probably out all the time, saving animals and such. Because if he can't save Dazai, he can at least save the animals, right?
He'd keep a smile on his face when doing so to make sure others around him still have hope and such, because he would hate for them to lose hope because he's not smiling.
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junichiro tanizaki
I believe he's a rather quiet person anyways, but after Dazai's death, the amount he speaks reduces even more. Surprisingly, Naomi isn't all over him and he appreciates it.
Because they've just lost a friend, and he couldn't cope with her being all over him for awhile. I can't say much for tanizaki because I don't know enough about his character, but he is obviously impacted by it.
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fukuzawa yukichi
Another one that would feel guilty. Especially because he is supposed to be the one taking care of the agency and ensuring their safety. Their safety was supposed to be his top priority, and he let Dazai die just like that?
After Dazai's death, he'd be a lot more careful with the other members of the agency. Especially people like Atsushi, who seemed to spiral into a depression after Dazai's death.
But he had to make sure everyone else was safe. Even before his own safety. He could not lose another agency member.
toby's notes ;
@rheeeeeeeesiees <- your tag, pookie :3
this is a rather long one, sorry about that.
promise to be dazzling
1:11 Clara Bow - Taylor Swift
I can't sleep until I do this. not requested by anyone, I just wanted to write angst. I was SO EXCITED FOR CLARA BOW AND IT WAS SO GOOD!!! this is the things that dazai starts and stops doing after you leave.
dazai quits drinking. it all went down when he was drunk, and he won't let something like that happen again. he will have a few drops after you two end and will feel forever guilty about it. it is hard to quit but it is harder to disgrace your ghost. dazai no longer constantly soothes arguments by diverting them in some other direction. he will at least address them a little bit instead of just covering them up and pretending like they never happened. you still would have been together if he stopped running away every time someone was genuinely mad at him. dazai makes an effort to be more genuine and tries to show people that he is actually being genuine. he hates remembering how you were never sure about anything about him, how he would smudge over his true self and never ever show you a single thing that could, without a doubt, be from Dazai's heart. your love for him lived its life unsure if it was even requited. dazai does not ask women to commit suicide with him. he now abhors the thought that anyone could think he was interested in anyone else. if someone gets the wrong idea, he will go to great lengths to correct them. his past self haunts him with how he would never pay any mind to how much it hurt when he showed interest in other women. like you were never special, like there was nothing different between you two. he wishes he could tell you how different you are. dazai tries his best to keep his promises. he is reminded of the half-meant promises that would keep you from bringing his faults back up, how he would always swear to do better. he now wishes he could convey to everyone just how committed he is to all his promises now.
angst, it's been a while my friend. it was kinda trash though, sorry y'all. I hope you all have a wonderful day or night, and have someone or something to keep you tied to this world.
OMGGG đ„čđ„čđ„čđ„č
Can you make something for Oda? Where he started seeing his s/o who also takes care of the orphans and are gifted as well, maybe able to sing a deadly lullaby, and when the orphans got killed his s/o takes down the Mimic instead, out of grief and rage by using their gift and maybe Oda comforting after that, then maybe they leave together to start a new. (this man seriously deserved better)
a quiet life
a/n : i actually couldnât wait to write this idea, oda truly did deserve so much better. asagiri when i catch you oda is coming back in the next arc (trust it trust it!)
a/n : i found it quite odd i used 'mom' considering iâm scottish but oh well!
pairing : oda x gn!reader (reader is referred to as mom by kids)
genre : fluff at the beginning, angst angst angst
warnings : mentions of blood & murder
wc : 3k
masterlist taglist main page
"Donât you think stars are a beautiful sight to gaze upon?"
Oda turns to you, a soft smile placed upon his features.
"Rather lyrical tonight, arenât you?"
You turn to him with furrowed eyebrows and a playful smirk on your face at his harmless comment
"Don't you enjoy my whimsical poetry?
âIndeed I do, but you only seem to talk like that when something is on your mind.â
You relax your expression and your smirk falters only to the same soft smile he gave you. You look down at the concrete below you as you begin to speak.
âDonât you think a quiet life would be nice?â
Odaâs smile falls down to a small frown. He reaches from under your chin to lift your head up so you can face him.
âA quiet life?â He repeats, beckoning for you to elaborate.
âYeah.â Your eyes follow his own as you look up at him. âA quiet life with the kids.â
âYou mean the five children who are anything but the definition of peace and tranquillity?â
At this you laugh, your smile returning to your lips as you cock your head to the side with Odaâs hand still resting underneath your chin.
âAbsolutely.â You say with such certainty. Oda smiles as his hand traces up to cup your cheek, his thumb stroking your skin ever so gently.
âIâm happy with the life we have currently of course, but..â You pause.
âBut?â
âDon't you think having such a delicate part of your life along with such a tough part of it also could shatter everything in such a short bit of time?â
He frowns, understanding what you mean by your words.
âYou mean my job, correct?â
You nod, letting out a soft sigh as you turn away from him, his hand no longer resting on your cheek as you look up at the night sky.
âI know I tell you this almost every night but you know Iâm right, Oda. This mafia life you claim to have going for you isnât great and itâs going to catch up on you sooner or later, no matter how much of a good person you are.â You truthfully say, giving him a look of hurt and worry.
Oda gives you a look with sympathy, him only nodding in understanding and turning to also look at the sky. A moment of silence passes through the wind before you continue.
âI just want us to be safe.â
âWe will be.â
He brings down a hand to cup your chin once more, bringing it up to make you look up into his eyes.
âDo you remember that creative mind of yours describing to me what our future could be if you had the world in your hands?â
You think for a few moments, recollecting your thoughts until you eventually find that fond memory.
âTo build a cabin house with six bedrooms, around four windows placed in each room alongside the kitchen..â You whisper.
âWhat else?â He urges
âOne little TV placed on a cabinet table in the living room so the children can eat their home cooked meals with a proper working furnace, beside it being a cozy warm fireplace thatâs well kept away from the children..â You giggle at your last comment.
âAnd?â
You pause, resting your cheek into his palm as tears fill your eyes, attempting to hold back your sorrow but when you imagine such a peaceful life with such ordinary requests that you canât reach it becomes a bit difficult for you to maintain composure.
âA little baby room, for when we have our own one day..â
Oda smiles at this, rubbing his thumb up and across your cheek, wiping away the tear that threatens to fall from your waterline. He gives you the sweetest kiss on the forehead, his other hand coming up to rub the back of your head in a comforting manner.
âI want to sit in a room that overlooks the sea.â He says, now resting his forehead against yours. âA room where we can read to all of our children those stories I will write one day and those lullabies you will sing to them also.â
You look up to meet his eyes once more.
âOur children?â
Thereâs a moment of silence before he lets out a breathless chuckle escape his lips.
âOur children.â
More tears escape your eyes, you sniffle and wipe your tears as Oda wipes some more from his fingers.
âMy beautiful partner..â He starts.
âMy beautiful soon to be married..â He continues.
âWe will be alright.â
You brush through Sakuras hair with one of her pretty pink hairbrushes she insisted on you using. You were helping each one of the children get ready for bed, each one having their own unique personality and behaviour to them.
KĆsuke, being the oldest out of all the orphans Oda took in. He always insists he can get ready himself, and although he can - he hates the rule of having to actually getting ready for bed specifically so itâs naturally your job to make sure heâs managed first.
Katsumi, the second hardest to actually help get ready for bed. Not because he canât manage it, but simply because he would much rather play baseball outside even when itâs dark.
âI just donât understand why you two would want to play out here after hours, especially when thereâs creeps and bad things out here that lurk in the night..â You speak to the children from the balcony you were standing on, looking down at the two boys who were so persistent on an extra five minutes.
âWhat, bad things like monsters? Hah! Iâm not five anymore! Those stories are stupid!â KĆsuke argues, crossing his arms as he stands stubbornly to clearly state he isnât moving any time soon.
âYeah! Plus, if any creepers came up to try and hurt us weâd beat them to a pulp!â Katsumi shouts, balling his fist and punching his baseball glove, his eyebrows furrowing and smiling mischievously, showing his missing tooth on his upper teeth. You giggle, propping your elbows up on the bannister and resting your chin on your hands as you stare fondly at the kids. You pout jokingly as you begin to speak.
âWell, itâs a shame really..I guess Iâll just have to sit all alone and read my lullabies to myself.â
At this Katsumiâs expression flickered into a change rather quickly, his eyebrows now furrowing in a sad manner as his demeanour changes within a flash.
âHey wait!! I wanna listen to your lullabies Y/N!â
KĆsuke turns around to Katsumi, a look of betrayal written all over his face as he stomps his foot.
âHey!! Youâre supposed to be on my side!â
âBut Miss/Mister Y/Nâs gonna be lonely..â He pouts.
âUh- no, theyâll have Mr Oda to keep them company!â
âBut I enjoy the lullabies..â
âOh come now Katsumi itâs okay, just go on and get ready for bed kay?â You say with a sweet smile on your face, Katsumis face immediately lighting up as he runs up the stairs to the balcony and into the building.
KĆsuke watches in disbelief at Katsumi rushing off within an instant. He glares at you as you stick your tongue out at him, blowing a raspberry like a child yourself as you turn around and beckon for him to come in, him following behind you without any hesitation with him mumbling and grumbling like the five year old he said he wasnât.
Next was YĆ«, he wasnât much of a bother considering how he was rather preoccupied with his games, although he sure liked to keep your mind busy with him joining the other boys antics and frequently sneaking his electronics into his bed so he could attempt to play them overnight, most of the time his plan fails.
âYĆ«..â You say with a quirked eyebrow, your hands on your hips as you stare at him from the bunk bed.
He turns to you with a sweet smile that couldâve fooled anyone, but not you.
âYeah?â
âGive it.â
He tries to pull a confused expression, only making him look silly due to the fact he was trying not to smile whilst being caught in a lie.
âI donât know what you could be talking about..â
âMiss/Mister Y/N, YĆ« hid his gameboy under his pillow!!â
âSakura!!â
He groans in annoyance as you smirk, holding your hand out for him to give you the electronic, him complying with harsh movements as he grabs his pillow, lifts it, grabs the gameboy but places it in your hand ever so gently, crossing his arms and pouting. You pat him on the head with a soft smile, taking his hat off in the process.
âBed, now.â
Now for the most competent one, Shinji. He was the sweetest and timid boy you ever met when you first started seeing Oda. Rather quiet and cautious with himself and around others but the more you got to know him, the more you saw just how easily comfortable he got with you.
âAnd no reading under the covers!â You say as you take the book from Shinji.
He nods with a sweet smile as he heads to bed. But before he gets into the covers, he pauses for a moment and stays there, almost seeming like he was hesitating to ask something. You stand as you watch his back freeze and you wait patiently for him to turn around and gain the courage. He turns around cautiously and fiddles with his little fingers before asking quietly.
âC-can you read me it..?â He asks kindly, pointing to the small picture book you took from him and then instantly looking down when he notices you glancing at the book and back at him. Your heart melts, a small pout forming on your lips as you smile.
âOf course, sweetheart. Come on letâs tuck you in.â
Oda doesnât think Shinjiâs ever smiled so brightly in his life.
Sakura was the quietest next to Shinji, although she had a bright and caring personality around everyone. It was kind of hard being the only girl out of all the kids for her, not being able to have the same interests as the boys all seem to have. Sure, she messed around with them and played tricks on Oda with their silly fake mafia style games, but she never actually had someone to talk about the things she really wanted to talk about or do - which is why she found the most comfort in you.
Which is where you are now, brushing her hair gently with the pretty pink hairbrush she so desperately âneededâ you to use. She claims it makes her hair shine, you believe so too.
âYour hairs so pretty, Miss/Mister Y/N..â Sakura says with a cute smile as she stares at you through the mirror, seeming so mesmerised by you overall. You grin as you brush her hair so gently, not wanting to brush too hard through her tugs.
âThank you, Sakura.â You say softly, looking down at her head so you donât miss any unbrushed ends.
âI wish I had hair like you..â She tilts her head to the side slightly, kicking her feet back and forth on the chair she was sitting on. You furrow your eyebrows playfully, the smile still remaining on your lips.
âThat so?â
âYeah!â She beams.
âWell, what if I told you that Iâd much prefer to have your hair?â
At this her face lights up brighter than before.
âReally??â
âMhm.â
âBut why?â
You stop brushing her hair for a moment before placing it on the desk of the bathroom, smiling and placing your chin on top of her head.
âBecause itâs so perfect, silky smooth and is the best to style.â
She gets excited at this, bouncing up and down as she pats her legs.
âI really do like my pigtails..â She says with a bit of shyness.
âTheyâre beautiful on you dear.â
âYou do them best though!!â She exclaims, giggling as you hug her gently.
âHey Miss/Mister Y/N?â She says after a few moments of giggling.
âYes, Sakura?â
Thereâs a little pause before she thinks of what to say.
âAre you technically my mommy?â
You stop for a second, practically freeze in place. You blink at your reflection in the mirror before you turn to look at her fully.
âWhat do you mean, dear?â
She shifts on her butt and turns around to now fully look at you, hugging her knees to her chest as she slowly continues to elaborate.
âI mean..you always take care of us..and you act like our mommy, and although i wouldnât mind if you were my dad also..Iâve never had a mommy before..â
Your heart breaks at this. She was right, Oda was their father figure that was present in all of their lives from the beginning, saving them one by one from death and raising them up until now without any mother figure present. Although, Oda has clearly done an amazing job raising these kids you canât help but have sympathy for all of them for feeling so..empty? Youâre snapped out your thoughts quickly as you feel Sakuras tiny hand tug on your sleeve.
âCan I call you mommy?â
You pause, until a soft smile is placed on your lips and you lean in to kiss her forehead.
âYeah, you can call me that.â
She smiles happily, now crawling up to you using her tiny hands to claw at your sleeves to help her get up to your lap. Now sitting on it she cuddles into you, feeling warmth on your chest as you smile happily, wrapping your arms around the small little girl as you rub her back soothingly.
âI love you mommy.â She says sweetly.
âI love you too dear.â You whisper softly, not knowing that Oda had been leaning against the door the entire time with the most heart warming smile ever present on his face.
âYou are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You'll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
My sunshine awayâ
âMom! Why do you always have to sing that one song? Itâs getting boring now..â Katsumi whines, resting his cheek against the corner of the chair as he looks up at you.
âYeah, itâs a stupid song..â KĆsuke grumbles, crossing his arms as he looks to the side in a huff.
âHey, donât be mean!! I love the song mommy, I do I do!!â Sakura beams, grabbing your leg with her hands as she begins to shake you in her grasp.
Oda chuckles at this, leaning against his hands from where he was sitting on the floor with the kids as you sat in the rocking chair, singing them lullabies before bed.
âI didnât think you guys could be so opinionated. I remember back in the easy days where Iâd just give you all a bottle of milk and youâd be content.â
âHey! I am content!â KĆsuke retorts, glaring at Oda.
âDo you even know what that word means?â Katsumi asks.
ââŠâ
âNo.â
âNeither.â
âOkay but seriously! Whatâs the deal, mom? Why canât you sing us another song?â Katsumi exclaims whilst YĆ« agrees.
âYeah! I wanna know too!â
You tap your cheek with your finger a few times as you look up at the ceiling, pretending to look as if you were thinking before you looked down at Oda who was looking at you like a lovesick fool.
âShould I tell them?â
âShould you?â
âShould I?â
âSTOP IT!!â KĆsuke shouts. âJust tell usss!â He groans.
You giggle. âOkay okay,â you say softly as you place your hands in your lap before you whisper gently.
âWhat if I told you all..that I had special powers?â
âLike super powers?â YĆ« asks, you nod. The children all beam at this, even little Shinji who was placed on Odas knee now hitting it in excitement along with Sakura on the other.
âLike Mr. Odaâs super powers..?â Shinji asks.
âWell, the same term - but not the same power.â You start.
âMy ability, is to hypnotise those who dare to hear my lullabies..â You explain. âAnd unfortunately, due to my ability, I canât sing specific songs to you guys because I donât want to harm you all with my power, so I found that this song which you all liked seemed to work wonders!â You beam.
âUsed to like, now itâs so overused..â KĆsuke groans.
âBe nice!!â Sakura snaps as she slaps KĆsuke on the leg.
âOw! Hey!â
âAlright thatâs enough..â Oda grabs Sakura and places her away from KĆsuke, who just mutters under his breath and sinks further into his pillow.
âWait wait wait!â Katsumi holds up his hand as to say âpauseâ.
âIs that why whenever I hear your lullaby, I feel myself getting sleepy..?â His eyes widen as he speaks, as if heâs just had a realisation. Oda chuckles at Katsumis accusation.
âI donât think thatâs quite it, Katsumi..â
âNo no!! It totally is!! Look at their creepy face!!â He screams out and points to your mischievous smirk as you look down at all the children to which they all squeal at this, now all attempting to hide behind Oda although KĆsuke on the other hand remains unfazed, staying in the same position in his pillow.
You laugh, breaking character completely. âAlright alright! No, Katsumi, Iâm not hypnotising you to sleep.â You begin, reaching over to boop his nose. âYou, are just naturally tired.â
âNuh-uh!â
âYuh-huh!â
Oda picks up Shinji with one arm and Sakura with the other, smiling softly at the other older children. âAlright guys, time to sleep.â
They all groan.
âNooo!! Please!â Sakura whines, kicking her feet in the air from where Odaâs holding her to which Oda ignores her pleas as he takes her and Shinji out the room, YĆ« and Katsumi trailing behind soon after, leaving you and KĆsuke alone.
You turn to KĆsuke to see him staring at the floor, seeming to be lost in thought.
âSomething on your mind, KĆsuke?â
KĆsuke looks up at you and purses his lips together, muttering a little 'no' under his breath.
You know heâs lying, so you persist.
âIs it the song?â
ââŠâ
âNo, the songs fine..â
âI thought it was overplayed..â
âNo!â He snaps. âI like the stupid song! I just hate how it makes me feel..â He says the last part quietly, you raise an eyebrow, looking down at him.
âHow do you mean?â
âJust..makes me feel stupidly tired and..stupidly..-â
âContent?â You finish for him.
â..Yeah, whatever the hell that word means..â
You smile as he says one more thing. âI donât want you to stop singing, your voice is nice, youâre nice.â
âIâm nice?â
âMhm..â
Your smile only grows. You reach over and ruffle KĆsukeâs hair to which he slaps your hand away.
âThank you for telling me that, KĆsuke..and for what itâs worth, I think youâre just as nice too.â
You actually see him smile, he sits up properly now.
âCan you sing me it one more time?â
âTomorrow, love.â
âOkay.â
You think that would be the end of that while lasting moment, until he says one more thing.
âThanks, mom.â
You turn to him as your health melts for the last and final time.
âYouâre welcome, dear.â
Little did you know, that would be the last and final time youâd ever sing that precious lullaby to your sweet babies before they were taken from you.
You were walking back from the grocery store, two bags full of sweet treats occupy your arms as you hum the same sweet melody you sang to your kids the previous night.
It wasnât until you had reached around the corner you see..what is that, smoke? Coming from near the place the kids stay. âThatâs strange' you thought, maybe the chef had burned something? Heâs always one to make mistakes, or so you thought.
You hear police sirens, ambulance sirens and even..screams? You recognise it within an instant ; Oda. Your eyes widen as you begin to rush over to the scene, only to find your boyfriend on his hands and knees, practically sobbing his heart out and screaming his lungs up at the ground as heâs infront of a blown up van. You rush over and kneel down to Oda, dropping one of your groceries to touch his face.
âOda, baby, whatâs happened talk to me please, are the kids okay..?!â
That question made his stomach churn, and he turns his head up to finally look at you, and he looks traumatised and absolutely broken, although it doesnât answer your question, so you repeat it.
âAre the kids okay..?â
ââŠâ
âOda..â
ââŠâ
âOda, god donât do this to me tell me the kids are okay..â
Oda shakes his head, tears now streaming down his face as he lets out choked sobs inbetween his next words.
âY/N..I-Iâm so sorry..I tried..I tried to keep them safe I just-..I didnât..â
Your heart drops, your eyes widen even more as realisation hits you like a truck.
You stand up and slowly walk over to the van which is now been surrounded by yellow and black caution tape. You look down at the floor and see blood, lots and lots of blood and one thing that truly confirms your fears makes your heart break.
KĆsukeâs sunglasses rested on the floor covered in smoke confirms absolutely everything.
You drop your groceries, your body shaking with fear, sadness, and anger. You fall to the floor You fall to the floor on your knees as your breathing becomes heavy, little gasps escaping your throat as your throat closes up, your hand covering your mouth as you sob, Oda within a flash is now by your side as hes also on his knees, cradling you and hugging you so close to his chest that heâll think youâll disappear from him anytime soon.
âIâm so sorry..Iâm so sorry..â He repeatedly whispers, sobbing into your hair as you sob loudly into his chest, both of your hearts hurting so much full of grief and woe.
âMy babies..they were my babies..â Your screams are muffled by Odaâs jacket as you breath heavily into it, hyperventilating hard.
You dig your nails into his shirt, tears staining it as you claw as if you were looking for answers, looking for practically anything as to find any source as to say 'Hey, this is a dream' but no, you were right infront of it, the truth.
Your babies were gone.
Days laterâŠ
Oda was sitting on the same rocking chair you once sat on when you read and sang those cherish-able words and lullabies to the children. He stares at his feet, in such a grave state of confusion, denial and depression. You had been AWOL for the past few days now, Oda giving you your personal space as he doesnât want to overstep or push you any further but oh what he would do to be basked in your affection and comfort right now, it was all he needed. He fears if heâs alone for any longer he may do something drastic. That is until..a creak from the door letâs him escape his thoughts.
Blood, the first thing he sees. You covered in blood, your face and body and hands all covered in someone elseâs blood made his own run cold, his eyes widen as he sees your hurt expression, you both look into eachother eyes knowing how much you were both truly hurting.
It wasnât until you dropped to your knees, grabbing the covers of one of the childrenâs bunk beds Oda gets out his seat swiftly dropping down and hugging you tightly, a little similar to a few days ago. He lets you let it all put, god knows you both need it. You sob and sob until your heart lets out everything you had left to offer, because what else was there left to give? Everything you once had was taken from you within a second, something so delicate, so fragile ; shattered.
âI killed him.â You start, Odas heart drops.
âYou killed who..?â He whispers.
âThe bastard who took our babies..â You seethed.
Oda notices your voice and how hoarse it was, and thatâs when he realises the painful truth. You had used your ability, a deadly lullaby, to kill the mastermind of the plot to take away your children.
âBaby..itâs okay..please j-â
âRun away with me.â
â..what..?â
âYou heard me goddamnit, run away with me Oda what the hell are we waiting for?!â You scream out. Your voice, raspy and breaking from the previous moments you ripped that disgusting manâs life away from his throat and body.
âWeâve been sitting, imagining and talking but why not live it already? Nobodyâs stopping us!â
âMy job is stopping me, Y/N-â
âNo the hell it isnât, stop bullshitting it!! You can quit, you can be free, Dazai will be fine he can come visit us and whatnot the kid will be the boss by twenty-three you know it, I know it..!â
You grab his face into your hands, his cheeks becoming covered in blood from how dirty your own were. With wide eyes you whisper, desperation and need evident within your voice as you plea.
âPlease, for me, for the kids..â
Oda looks at you in disbelief, his breathing shaky as he stares at you with wide eyes staring into yours.
âYou donât know what youâre saying, youâre hurting..â
âSo are you, but we can heal.â
A pause.
âAnd..hey, what way to start that goddamn journey by building a cabin house..?â You let out a breathless laugh, Oda laughs with you, resting his forehead against yours as he finally whispers.
âWith a room that just overlooks the sea..â
2 years laterâŠ
The waves crashing against the shore make a perfect combination with the melody you now sing in the depths of your dark brown clattered cabin.
âYou are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You'll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
My sunshine awayâ
âPlease donât take my sunshine away..â You whisper once more with such genuine feeling before you plant a kiss on your gorgeous newborns head, stroking her head as she sleeps peacefully in your arms as you rock back and forth amongst the rocking chair.
You hear a few creaks from the floorboards and from your husband, who carefully steps out of his writers room as he doesnât want to wake up his child.
âHey.â You whisper.
âHey.â He smiles.
âWhat you doing in there?â You say softly as you nod your head to the writers room hes just emerged out of.
âWorking on my book.â
You nod, smiling as you look down at the baby, then back at your husband.
âI havenât had the chance to ask, whatâs it about?â
Oda cautiously walks up to you and kneels down next to you, stroking his babyâs head with the back of his hand.
âJust, how having such a delicate life along with a tough part of it also has its consequences and could shatter everything within a short space of time.â
âRather melodramatic tonight, are you not?
âDonât you enjoy my whimsical poetry?â
You smirk as he smiles, before he stands back up and glances out at the window, holding his hands behind his back. You stand up, being extra careful with your movements as you approach Oda and stand beside him. He opens the window wide open, revealing the night sky and the sound of the waves crashing down on the shore. You glance up at the night sky, looking up amongst all the beautiful stars scattered across the horizon, that is until something caught your eye.
Out of all the stars you saw, five took your fancy. Five stars shined proudly upon the horizon as they shined together and with no other star before, at this you smile, tears slowly filling your eyes as you nudge Oda gently.
âTheyâre beautiful to gaze upon, donât you think?â
Oda looks up at the sky and instantly knows what youâre talking about and he smiles, his heart aching but healing itâs wounds just by looking at the scenery little by little.
âYeah, they sure are.â
TAGLIST : @hauntedsol @hopefulpain @forgotten-blues @ruru-kiss @texas-bitch-yee @lvstyangel @thetizzler @is-therelife-onmars @atlasnessie @101strawberries101
@riiwrites
Byootifol
A small kunikida angst comic i made :)
⊠Dazai and Chuuya childhood headcanons (2/2) âŠ
part 1
!!! THIS POST CONTAINS STORMBRINGER SPOILERS !!!
â« Orchard - OMORI
⧠warnings : STORMBRINGER SPOILERSă»mentions of s*icide, death, hospitalization, alcoholism, etc.ă»angstă»pure angstâŠă»ooc (???)
⧠a/n : got way too long im sorr⊠but I love chuuya so much and all these headcanons have been eating dust in the back of my head and im so happy (lie) to finally post them
w/c : 950
!!! these are just personal headcanons and are not accurate to the canon story !!!
⊠Chuuya :
Chuuyaâs parents werenât blessed with a child even after years of marriageâŠ
âŠSo when he was born, they were so happy that they celebrated 3 days and nights (like the real Chuuya Nakahara !!)
Such a sweet boy⊠very polite and a tiny bit shy
He actually had an amazing bond with both his parents
And they loved him a lot, too!
How mini Chuuya would help his mom around the house, how he would randomly tell her that he loves her :,^)
Chuuya was probably interested in his fatherâs work (military doctor, like the real Chuuyaâs father!!)
AUGHH he would peek at his dad working with those big blue curious eyes
Also, unlike Dazai, I headcanon that Chuuya has siblings!
2 little sisters!!
When his first little sister was born, he was probably around 3 or 4
Was quick to grow attached to his sister
And when his second sister came around, he was around 7
Was very overprotective of his sisters, and had a big soft spot for them
Would piggyback carry their younger sister every morning to school while holding his other sisters hand
Brilliant kid
Adored by absolutely everyone and everything
Chuuya and the family dinners with the rest of the Nakahara family SIGHHH
His mom always worried about him not eating enough (even though he did.)
His dad developed this hobby and habit of checking Chuuya and his sistersâ heights and mark them on the wall
Chuuya wasnât the happiest when he figured that his younger sister was nearly the same height as himâŠ
And regarding Stormbringer and how he was put in a labâŠ
Ohhh how his mom was losing her mind over Chuuyaâs father allowing such a thing
His family kind of⊠grew distant and fell apart from then on
Constant arguing between his parents while he was in the lab⊠how his sister would cover their younger sisterâs ears each time theyâd argue
Sheâd ask where Chuuya had gone every now and then, but it was like a forbidden topic in the house
His mom would either tear up or just lash out on his sister
And his dad would yell and cuss her out, saying things like âGoddammit stop asking stupid questions! Heâs fine for godâs sake!!! Be patient and heâll be back sooner than you think!!!â
Chuuyaâs dad wasnât very happy with the decision he made either
Regretting it like crazy and losing sleep, losing focusâŠ
And once the news broke that their one and only son was dead (aka his clone⊠fuck stormbringer broâŠ)
His family was worse than ever before.
Chuuyaâs dad cried⊠a lot. Fell into being an alcoholic for a long time
His sisters? Despite their young age and how they couldnât wrap their heads around the idea of deathâŠ
They were devastated. Completely had their hearts and souls shattered
But his mom⊠she was the worst out of them all
It broke her so much that she couldnât even cry over her sonâs death
She was left in a daze, unaware of her surroundings and just⊠in her own world
Though, once it registered in her mind? How she would scream and cry at odd hours of the night, begging for ChuuyaâŠ
She would push away anyone who would try to comfort her, hit them and curse them out, only wanting Chuuya
Even though Chuuyaâs âdeathâ had sunk in and she understood it, sheâd scream at everyone to get away from her and that âonly Chuuya can come close to herâ
S*icide attempts became a regular thing
âŠthe amount of times Chuuyaâs dad was called during work hours and just rushed home to stop his wife from taking her lifeâŠ
His sister lost sleep and stopped being the top student at school because of how difficult everything had become
Their younger sister was a bit better, considering she was small
But it still hurt, sheâd call Chuuya out of habit, just to remember that he was never gonna answer her calling out to him
His momâs situation got so bad that she was hospitalized for years
And even now that the entire Nakahara family has accepted Chuuyaâs âdeathâ
His mom hasnât. Sheâs doing a lot better than before getting hospitalized butâŠ
She always seems to be spaced out. She doesnât smile or laugh, and even when she does⊠it seems forced and itâs only for a brief moment
His mom doesnât talk much, not to anyone
She often spends her time talking to framed pictures of Chuuya. She still cries every now and then, but tries to hide itâŠ
And honestly? I think that Chuuya has considered going back to his family
Heâs coincidentally seen his sisters and made sure they got home safely from school/work while watching from afar⊠then return to his own work
It scares him to go back, not only because of him putting their lives on the line for being a mafia executive
But also because heâs supposed to be âdeadâ. Thatâs what his family believed and has learned to live withâŠ
So if he were to show up at his childhood home, heâd make them confused
And he canât even imagine how they would react if he were to go back
So Chuuya just watches over them from a distanceâŠ
But maybe, just maybe one day heâll gather up the courage and listen to the voice in his head telling him to go back
That day wonât be anytime soon, not now. He canât go back until heâs sure the time is right for him to do so.
Until then, Chuuya just prays that theyâll stay safe and aliveâŠ
Thatâs when he can return to his family, his homeâŠ
<90!!3 let's start preparing the event for when we get to 100!
Kyaaa! i'm so happy,we're almost 100. I wanna thank you all so muchđ
And ofc, how can i not want to write a special fic for this wonderful event?
I have a LOTS of fics ideas in my mind right now! and i literally can't decide--
soooo, i have an idea! now, i'll put titles with related tw's and a quote that will be in the story (probably taken from a book or a song) and you decide which will be the winning story I'll write for the event! You can easily write to me in the question box or in the chat, I will accept your vote without problems!
THE OPTIONS ARE:
(yeah, i putted nikolai twice bc i love him)
.àłàżNikolai â đŒđźđ»đżđȘđ·đœ đžđŻ đđżđČđ” - tw: fem!reader as Nikolai twin,dark content,angst, death of one character, it's all set in the Renaissance period,blood, platonic relationships.
"I am your loyal servant and you're our country's queen. Us, a pair of pitied twins, burdened by our destiny..Let hellfire consume me, If that's what must be done. I will gladly play the part!.. so that you may shine, my sun"
.àłàżSigma â đœđ±đź đ«đ»đČđ°đ±đœ đ¶đžđžđ· đČđŒ đŒđœđČđ”đ” đœđ±đź đŒđȘđ¶đź, đŒđž đœđ±đźđ»đź'đŒ đ·đž đ·đźđźđ đŻđžđ» đŒđȘđđ·đźđŒđŒ - tw: fem!reader, fluff, sfw, flashbacks and past life mentions of the reader and Sigma.
"Now that i'm awake,how can i pretend it was all a dream?"
.àłàżFyodor â đœđ±đź đđȘđ đđžđŸ đ±đȘđœđź đ¶đź - tw: fem!spy/traitor!reader, dark content but still fluff, suggestive, maybe even angst but just a little.
"You know every thing to say, just as long as i'm in danger, don't you?But..You know what? i like it"
.àłàżOsamu â đđžđ·'đœ đ”đźđȘđżđź đ¶đź đœđž đ«đ”đźđźđ - tw: fem!reader,sfw, hurt/comfort,mention of suicide, mention of the past of Dazai, i promise this have a good ending
"You 'know..i never thought that i would have so say 'i'm sorry' for anyone but me"
.àłàżRanpo â đđ±đźđ· đČ'đ¶ đ·đžđœ đđČđœđ± đđžđŸ, đœđ±đČđ·đŽ đžđŻ đ¶đź đȘđ”đđȘđđŒ! - tw: fem!reader,sfw, fluff,love confession
"oh? i see ya recived my letter! I just know you don't have plans for tonight,don't you? So, i'd like for you and i to go romancing"
.àłàż Nikolai â đđČđ·'đœ đ¶đ đŻđȘđŸđ”đœ~ - tw: fem!yandere!reader,nicknames (good girl, dove, doll etc.) nsfw, mention of murder, maybe dark content??
"Oh my, so now it's my fault if i got you so gone, dove?~ You're being such a good girl for me, shall i prize you?"
soo! have you decided?đđ€
Same People, Different Hearts
summary: you were one of chuuya's close friends when you both were still in sheep. when he left, you decided to leave and unexpectedly is part of the decays of the angel now. you deciced to meet him again.
characters: chuuya nakahara, you, nikolai gogol, fyodor dostoevsky
word count: 1,070
a/n: let's say first time writing? english isn't my first language, slight ooc, not canon, cringe bye
It's been few days since Chuuya left the sheep. Your life was even emptier and lonelier. He was the reason why you continued to live, but he? He left sheep, he left you. You knew you didn't have the rights to stop his decisions. After Chuuya left, you deciced to find a new path, leaving the sheep. They knew how you feel, the feel of being left by someone precious, someone who was your everything. They appreciated and accepted your decision. You deciced to leave Yokohoma and went somewhere else.
few years later
You landed your foot once again, in Yokohama, your hometown. But this time, not for a visit, something much more, fun. You walked into the cafe trying to spot the purple-haired male, wandering your eyes around to spot him and there he is. You walked directly his table, and bowed your head. He looked up at you, signaling you to sit down. He gave you a soft smile, sipping his tea. You smiled back, âGreat to see you again, Dos-kun.â
âGreat to see you too, Lyubimaya. How have you been?â
âStill trying my best, may I know what am I supposed to do?â
He chuckled at your question, his purple eyes glaring at you, âJust follow me, and i will give it to you soon.â
"Am I going to kill people, Kolya?!â
âYes? Unless, you don't have the heart to kill that ginger hat guy. Just kidding! We won't kill anyone, yet.â
âHaha, very funny. Kill yourself.â you replied forcing to yourself laugh, walking away from him, when Nikolai mention him? him! him. You have sudden flashback of the past that happened, but it was in the past now, right? why would you even care about him anymore? why-
âName-chan! Dont you wanna do a suprise of your arrival? Like let's bom a place! And it was you who bom it! And we let people see a powerful woman you are, and maybe let some of your old friends see you!â he explained, snapping you back to reality. His face was full of ideas and excitement, you didnt want to destroy the clownâs excitement.
âSounds a bit too much for an intro though.. can I just blow up a car? Bombing something sounds tiring.â you replied, stretching your arm up against the air. He looked at you, tapping his chin, âAlright, blowing up a car it is! Also dove, do you have any plans to meet someone before your introduction?â he asked giving you a wide smile, hugging your shoulders. You coughed, looking at him in confusion, âNo? Oh. You meant him? Now you mention it, I wanna bom the Port Mafia so bad..â you sighed shaking your head. âBom it then~ No one is gonna stop you, well other than him!â he said winking at you, yeah Nikolai definitely want you to meet him.
Yes, you are indeed trying bomb the Port Mafia with Nikolai Gogol. You sat on a bench near the Port Mafia building, waiting for action. The moment you blinked, an explosion happen infront of the place, it was action time!
You slowly fly up trying to locate where the clown is, he was nowhere to be seen, I guess he has more plans to come out with. You landed your feet on the ground, slowly walking infront of the building. Before even reaching up, you were met by a hundreds of guards holding guns. It was according to plan, and it turns out he was infront of the guards. Him. Him who was the reason for you to live, now he's just no one to you. His eye widen in disbelief seeing you, his old friend, his partner. You could see him trembling, not expecting of your arrival. You only chuckled at him, not showing any sadness nor happiness to him, just pure hatred and madness. Why did he left you? Weren't you enough? What did you wrong? What did you do to deserve this? You hate him, you hate him with your whole heart, he left you without any single goodbye. What a jerk.
He slowly walked to you, but you told him to stop there. He didn't deserve you, you didn't deserve him either. You could see tears forming in his eyes but you didn't care. âN-name, is that, really you?â
âI will let you guess that.â
You both were having an eye contact with eachother. His eyes fill with sadness and guilt, while yours filled with hatred and madness. Same people, different hearts.
âSuprise, I guess?â you chuckled, leaning closer to him, twirling his hair.
He took both of your hand, and palm it with his. His eyes was filled with tears.
âHow are you? Are you okay? Where have you bee-â
âShouldn't I be the one asking you questions?â
âWhat..? What do you mean-â
Before he even finishes his question, you let out your feelings, your pain because of him.
âChuuya. Do you ever fucking realized that you left me? You left me! I don't give a shit what reason you have but leaving me was too far. You were the reason, t-the reason I continue to live! And you fucking left me? Seriously?â you stuttered those words that are coming out of your mouth, your tone trembling, a tear leaving your eye. You couldn't handle the pain, everyone keeps leaving you. Leaving you to the point that you don't even trust anyone anymore, everyone is just a bunch of liars. You tried to let go of his grip of your hand, but he continued to grip hard your hand, not letting go. His eyes were widen in shock of your words, he didn't knew what you felt. He didn't mean any of this.
âI'm sorry, I'm really.. sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. I swear I didn't mean that at all. I didn't want to lose you-â
âShut up! I don't need your bullshit! Youâre too late to apologize now, don't you think?â you forcefully let go of his grip, and it worked. Tears were flowing out of his eyes, he felt guilty. His heart was broke into pieces, but yours already broke first. Before you turn around to leave, he hugged you, not wanting to let go. He hide himself on your shoulder, mumbling sorryâs to you. This time you didn't force to let go of his grip, you allowed him to hug you. Tears ran out of your eyes, and you finally hugged him back. He felt you embracing him, tears continue to flow out of his eyes.
thank you for reading <3 IM SO SO SORRY IF IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE LOL (i was bored)
could you pls do a sigma x reader?
im right here?
pairings: sigma x reader
contains: angst teehe
wc: 338
a/n: ofc anon!! sorry i deliver u it kinda late i was trying to think of fluff but angst is controlling međ
Just a normal day at the Sky Casino, it wasn't crowded like usual because it wasn't night time. He looked at the time, and went to a certain room. As he walked in, he slowly sit down and took a rest. It's not normal for Sigma took a rest from the Casino, but since he ever met you, he did. Sigma and You have been friends for awhile, at first he actually did mind your company but surprisingly now he enjoyed your company. It took you alot begging and work for him actually take a rest, even though it's only like 3-5 minutes. He took a deep breath, and sighed, slowly standing up again to go work again. As he starts walking to the door, he felt someone right behind him.
âSigma! Finally taking a rest, huh?â it was you, you were behind him just few steps away.
He slowly turn around to look at you, a small smile slowly forming on his lips.
âDidn't you see there. Also I was forced by you to take a rest, remember?â
âMhm, glad you remember your routine now!â
You slowly approached him, waving at him. âShouldâve have invite me next time you know?â you chuckled, shooking your head. You were wondering, why does he looks so sad now? Did something happen at work? Right before you asked him about it, he said something first.
âI miss you.â he muttered under his breath, his eyes looking down.
âI'm right here?â you replied to his words, tilting your head to side in confusion.
You could see his eyes were slowly filled with tears, his lips forming a sad smile.
âNo, you're not. Not really.â he said, his voice slightly cracking, a tear fell out of his eyes.
Right, you were gone. You are just his imagination, he is being delusional that you are with him but youâre not. Tears starts flowing out of his eyes, his heart is filled with guilt and sadness. He can't forget about you, he really just can't.
as a silly apology, i'll write sigma fluff!! <3
horribles memories
pairings: chuuya nakahara x reader
contains: angst, bad memories
wc: 371
a/n: based on a haikaveh animation i saw, where they used the song âchristmas kidsâ
âI'm leaving this place. It's just full of horrible memories, I hate it.â you explained, immediately start walking away from your friend, your partner.
You looked behind, his eyes filling up with tears, his face full of sadness and anger.
ân-name, it's not your fault.â
âIt is, isn't it?â
âNo i-it's not, so please don't leave me here alone.â he cried, avoiding your gaze by looking down.
Chuuya wanted to stop you from leaving him, leaving his life. But he knew he didn't had the right to stop you, it was your decision. You start walking away from him, your heart slowly filling with guilt. Were you supposed to feel this?
âI'm sorry, Chuuya.â
Few years has passed, your life was better, and you deciced to go back to Yokohama. You wandered around in the streets of Yokohama, seeing how different it looks from back then. You decided to buy some snacks, and you did! While on the walk you weren't focus, and accidentally bumped a person. You immediately stand up to your feet, picking up his hat and gave him a hand. Why does this person feel so familiar? Who is he?
He gladly took your hand and stood up. Before you hand him his hat, he looks at you, face full of shock.
âName, is that you?â he asked looking at you closely, his eyes widening. Your face was full of confusion, wondering how the hell did he knew you? You guys never met before??
âExcuse me, do i know you?â you replied by giving another question, where you see his slightly change of emotion on his face, an annoyance look and slight sadness. Every word was a knife, and every cut stabbed the heart. The sudden of realisation that you always forget horrible memories, and in which you forgot about him. He's one of your horrible memories. The realisation made his heart aching, hurting.
âS-sorry about that..â he stuttered, his tone was breaking, his face was filling with tears. Before you even reached his hands to pull him, he ran away. You were gonna ask why was he crying? What did you do to him? Is he someone to you? Is he one of the memories you forgot?
angst is just to nice im sorryđ also upcoming dazai ones hehe.. :D
what, darling?
pairings: fem!dazai osamu x fem!reader
wc: 340
contains: pinning, petnames
a/n: who's backâïž fem!dazai the women ever?? also for my friend again~ i have 0 knowledge of knifes.
An ordinary day doing the mission given by Port Mafia. You were given a mission to meet someone, well, someone you used to be partner with. You slowly walked to the sketchy alley, standing there afterwards. You looked at your watch, you were there on time. Footsteps, humming were heard. You turned around, looking at the figure that was walking to the alley, Dazai Osamu. A smug face was plastered on her face, her figure slowly reaching to you.
âWell, well, well isn't it the Dazai Osamu?â you commented, hands resting on your hips. She just chuckled, her arm waving at you, âMiss me, darling?â
âMe? Missing you? In your dreams.â you replied, your right hand slowly reaching under your skirt, pulling something that's hooking around your upper thigh.
She saw your hand going under, she smiled while looking at you, âTsk, tsk. No violence, darling~â
âWhy would I listen to you?â
âBecause I know what you're trying to do.â
She was right, she was your partner back then, your closest friend for you lol. You gave her a small smile, before pulling a knife with your right arm, your left arm pushing her on a wall, pinning her. You took the knife around her throat, both of you having an eye contact. She saw this as a joke, while you saw this as a serious chance. You slide the knife around her throat to cut her bandages.
âOh? You shouldâve took me to a date first, love!â she joked, her face showing an excitement expression rather than fear.
You clicked your toungue in annoyance, rolling your eyes at her words. The knife on her throat was slowly deepen which showed a bit of blood coming from her throat.
âStop calling me that.â
âWhat, darling?â
âThat.â
Her face was now slightly dramatic of your sentence, wanting her to stop calling you petnames. She took her left hand on your right cheek, caressing it.
âAw~ what's wrong with it, love? You don't like it?â
âI never said I didn't like it!â