Hot Sauce Provided - Tumblr Posts

(Dumps out a huge duffel bag of little bottles all over the table) I’m an NPC merchant now baby :D

are you like. Okay

Do you need a hug mate

Or hot sauce? I can offer that too if we’re not into the feelings shit today, I have so much hot sauce. I am the internet’s provider of quality hot sauce

Hot Sauce is good. Ill take hot sauce.

Hello, stranger. Would you care to take a look at my wares?

I’m your friendly wandering hot sauce merchant, unlicensed therapist, accidental tumblr stalker, digital mail carrier, doppelgilly’s henchman, bane of loan sharks and doing my best to remain a neutral party in this insanity.

As I write it out I’m starting to realize that’s a bit of a mouthful. If you need something easier to call me, Merchant will do just fine, as would any other shortening of my original title.

I use whatever referrals (pronouns) you do, as I am not a character of my own but a mirror into others’. Just someone to bounce thoughts, ideas and unused energy off of.

It’s wonderful to meet you, mate. If you need anything, from a diverse hot sauce supply to a passed-on message or a good conversation, I’m here.

In character: #d&d npc

Out of character: #merchant on break

Thinking aloud / original posts: #merchant muses

Responding to asks: #merchant communes

Trade in progress: #hot sauce merchant

Trade complete: #hot sauce provided

Relatively new DG tag: #just henchman things

Older posts may not follow the recipe

Currently in the middle of a lore-creation game attached below! The tag for it is #merchants-sanctuary, send an ask if you’d like to play ^^

Not sure how you found your way here, but I’m glad you did! Just call me Merchant - that’s the closest thing to a name you’re gonna get. Nicknames are welcome as long as I can tell you’re referring to me.

I’m not exactly a JRWI roleplay blog, seeing as I don’t have a character to play beyond what I’m given, but I still hope to build myself a neat little list of titles with which to better bother the RP blogs

I was serious about the pronouns, by the by - my gender identity mirrors the people around me, which essentially means I want you to use your own pronouns when you refer to me. If you don’t have any, not to worry! It’s perfectly alright to just pick your favorite set or avoid them altogether. The Merchant doesn’t need a gender when there are Vibes.

Ahha. Uhm. That’s. That’s very interesting, Goobleck, but-

*looks closer*

Wait, is this an entirely intact mouse skeleton? That’s impressive. It must take so much control to single out and spit up one creature‘s skeleton without mixing in any bones. How did you do this? Seriously, how? Take your pick of the sauces—just one, mind. A one-time deal for a fascinating critter. If you want more, you’ll have to find actual currency somewhere.

Goobleck, our favorite goopy critter, would you like some hot sauce to aid in your quest to become every liquid? The little bottles are only four silver…

oooo.. goobleck would like hot sauce… but goobleck has no money….

is there maybe… a DIFFERENT way goobleck could pay you back? ;)

Sure thing, miss Ferin.

no I mean the fuckin,, us. Anons. dramanonymous fuck earlier gave us lore and I feel like that’s something that should’ve. Maybe been run by yall first

eh happens all the time i cantstop them

I’m… Not sure if I want to be associated with anything involving loan sharks, but you’re welcome, miss Ferin. Advertisement is advertisement, I suppose. And I’m glad my customers survived

hhoT

*shark is rolling off the ship*

*distant distressed shark noises*

FUCK YEAH GUYS IM THE SMARTEST PERSON EVER BOO YAH FUVK YEAH ID LIKE TO THANK MY MOM AND MY DAD NVM NOT MY DAD YOU GET WHAT I MEAN FUCK YEAH

(Holds out a hand for the gold, trading the sauce)

I don’t tend to indulge in such things. It’s bad for my professional reputation to be seen in such places - no offense to your establishment, Captain, I hope you understand. I should be going.

(Fuck this fuck this fuck this I’m supposed to be a neutral party, I should sell to anyone who pays, right? I hate to admit it, but he hasn’t done any damage to my self, my wares or my reputation. I don’t have an actual reason not to.)

…Hello, er, sir Price. Can I interest you in my wares? I have just about any spice level you might be tolerant to, and the smaller bottles are only five silver.

(Unrolls the spice rack to show off several dozen bottles of hot sauce)

It's Capitan Price, though I'll let it slide. I wouldn't mind a bottle, the food around here can be so bland... Your not from around here, hm? Well you should stay for a while, get lost within the crowd, have some fun.

A Captain who’s stuck close to Allport as of late.

(Rolling up the sauces)

Don’t worry about him. I was just surprised to hear the same order twice in a row, that’s all. Do you need anything else, or should I be on my way?

Now that the panic is over, I have an offer to make. Don’t worry - it’s no soul-shattering deal. Just a simple transaction. The only threat here, stranger, is your spice tolerance.

(Unrolls the cloth spice rack and shows off almost a hundred little bottles of hot sauce)

Call me the Merchant. I sell hot sauce. Are you interested, or shall I leave you be?

Oh fuck yeah. Hot sauce baby!! I'm totally down for that shit.

Four gold.

(Hands them over, warily)

(Appears) Boo

hello.......? do you have more hot sauce can i have more of the extreme stuff

Alright. A pleasure doing business with you, Vice Admiral. I hope to see you again.

(The Merchant holds out a small red bottle, preparing to pack up and leave as quickly as possible without appearing rude.)

Hello, Vice Admiral. Forgive my interruption, but I’ve… Heard tales of the legendary Ferin spice tolerance, and thought you might appreciate my wares.

To put it frankly, I sell hot sauce concentrated enough to put most people out of commission for hours to days depending on how much they consume. I also sell variants with barely a kick to them, but - well. I can’t picture a man such as yourself being content with something so tame.

Are you interested?

Intriguing. I'll entertain this for a bit. Show me then.

Thank you. I’ll be going now, but if you need me for anything - especially hot sauce, that’s something of a specialty of mine - let me know.

Go on. I probably shouldn’t give anything out for free- I do have a reputation to uphold, and I can’t imagine what would happen if I started just handing people things.

understandable. I respect your dedication

the second piece of information that I feel is valuable that I have to offer is that there are layers of Showfall, currently, that are more desperate than you think. more desperate than they'll let on

(For a moment the Merchant looks almost frightened before he shakes his head, and sighs)

Thought you had a Ferin’s spice tolerance for a moment there. It’s reassuring to know they’re truly one of a kind.

Historical figure, unimportant. Be careful with that, young man, that stuff on its own could give you some nasty cramps and - other effects, if your body isn’t used to it. Go find some milk. That should help with the burning.

Hello, young man. Would you care for a look at my wares? A kind anonymous asker let me know that you might be interested.

-Merchant

Woah.. Sure Bro, watchable got?

*He walks over*

Thank you, Captain.

(They store the gold in an empty pocket, bow and vanish)

Hello, young man. Would you care for a look at my wares? A kind anonymous asker let me know that you might be interested.

-Merchant

Woah.. Sure Bro, watchable got?

*He walks over*

With this, you shouldn’t have to; it’s nowhere near what Captain Liz prefers.

(The merchant tilts their head slightly to the side, pocketing the gold.)

I feel as though I should apologize to you. I have been her primary supplier of spice for some time, after all.

Welcome, stranger. Would you care for a look at my wares?

(The merchant appears beside Caspian and lifts one side of his cloak to show off a dozen rows of small glass bottles filled with hot sauce)

Well, hello there

Sure, I’d like to to purchase some if possible…

…

Also how on Mana did you get onto the ship?

hru uhm uthat eajst a hood if4a wyg how dies hau fo this

pw

(hey uhm that wasnt a good idea wtf how does jay do this

ow)

I did try to warn you. Take the rest of these, eat them slowly. The starch will help.

(The merchant hands over the rest of the bag.)

You’ll be fine in a few hours. Good luck.

(And disappears)

The cat takes the bottle and scurries off.

Good bye, stranger. Enjoy your purchase.

(The merchant is hesitant to accept more than her set price, but they pocket the gold anyway.)

Thank you, Captain.

yo hot sauce man ive been out of hot sauce for a few days you got any stock of my usual?

- @aferinbyname

Yes, Captain. I will be with you as soon as I’ve finished here.

Try this for now.

(The merchant goes to hand the sled a mild Jalapeño based sauce, pauses, and sets the bottle down on it instead.)

uh hey, i heard you sell hot sauce and i was wondering if you can deliver it to a hole?

this is really awkward

@steamsled-wonderlust-j

(The merchant leaves its journal open for the anonymous askers, and grabs its heavier cloak.)

I can. Where are you?

You’re welcome. I’ll be going now, unless there is more that you need from me.

uh hey, i heard you sell hot sauce and i was wondering if you can deliver it to a hole?

this is really awkward

@steamsled-wonderlust-j

(The merchant leaves its journal open for the anonymous askers, and grabs its heavier cloak.)

I can. Where are you?

[The merchant doesn't wince this time, but they do sigh when she starts drinking the hot sauce like water.]

The very fact that I can't bring myself to be concerned anymore is concerning in itself. Is there anything else you need from me?

YO HS! im out of the good kind of hot sauce.how much you got stocked up :)

- @aferinbyname

Captain, it has been a while. I have several for you this time.

[The merchant stands in front of Jay and pulls eight bottles of hot sauce out of her cloak two at a time, setting them down in front of the pirate. One of them is about half the size of the rest.]

I... May have forgotten to restock bottles. This one is five silver, if you want it.

(The merchant catches and stores them, then starts putting away the bottles Goobleck doesn't seem interested in.)

I'm afraid I can't offer you the most concentrated of them, as I have to stock those for a particular client.

Hello. We’ve met once before, but something feels different. Are you another part of Goobleck?

(OOC// goobleck’s anonymous asks are disabled in case this was a mistake /info)

(((AAH I DIDNT KNOW! THANK U!!))

goobleck is everywhere, goobleck has billion gooblecks

we meet