I Am Not Okay - Tumblr Posts
taylor wrote i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me // you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me and i am screaming crying shaking trembling shook will never recover.
I already posted about my cats shenanigans earlier, but I guess she's decided tonight is a good time for chaos:
So I was taking a shower and, because she's clingy, I bring her with me so I don't have to get out to open the door. Well, I look up to see her tossing a stink bug into the tub. So funny thing— I am deathly scared of bugs. My cat loves bugs.
Because I'm nearly fucking blind, I spend half a minute staring at it, trying to figure out what it is but not wanting to get too close to it. It's not moving, so if it's a dead bug who cares. Because it IS dead, right? ...Right? Well here's another thing: my cat is really bad at killing bugs. She loves them, as in she loves to torture them. Horrible, I know.
So this stink bug suddenly jumps on my leg and I scream and flail. Meanwhile my cat is sitting on the little bath mat screaming with me because why the fuck not I guess. I scream for my mom, she comes busting in half awake thinking something is tragically wrong, and I'm frantically pointing at the stinkbug I shook off and partially waterboarded. It would almost be acceptable, IF it were actually a stink bug. But. I can't see for shit.
She picks it up, looks at it, looks at me, and says it's a fly. A fat fucking fly. My cat is very proud of herself. I am something akin to a drowned chihuahua.
TLDR: My cat has lost shower privileges
Denise :) this took so long because I finally found a pencil brush and wanted to use it 😭
not at all okay!!! When the hell is my prozac gonna work it's been like a week almost (I'm impatient as all hell </3)
n like yeah ik this sounds like smth one of em alpha podcast sigma grindset male posts but I've been getting bullied for being ND and every server ignores me as I struggle to be part of conversations; either because people talk about something I know nothing in, or because I am second-guessing what other people mean and how they will interpret my words. Like yeah sure go ahead and call me slurs and treat my sensory issues as a joke I'm sure it's gonna end well for everyone involved.
these are all GOLD but that third gif just does something to me
yah know, sometimes I want them to kiss on camera but then other times I realize that Rhett shoving that gummy cow tongue down Link's throat, completely unprompted, will be way more graphic and telling than any peck on camera would be.... like that happened. Rhett initiated it. And Link went along with it.
Yes, honestly. The things they do unprompted are fascinating..
it's 3:30am so please excuse this post which is going to feature decapitation and cannibalism and emotions so content warning for those
but i keep seeing people say they've identified fitzjames' body, but they haven't! they've identified not even his skull but his jawbone. his lower mandible with cut marks. and yes the "they ate his face" jokes are right there for the taking, but probably more likely they in fact cut his head off first specifically so they wouldn't have to look at his face while they carried out their task of butchery. and if they were making use of the head....that's the direst of all, because it's the most individual part, it's the part they would have least wanted to consume. there are so few skeletons that were found in their original arrangement so i know it's not necessarily telling, but presuming that they did cut off his head, it really hits home to me even more that all we have identified is his jaw. not even his "face". certainly not a body. his actual body could be somewhere far distant or nowhere because all that's left is this part because these men who he lived in incredibly close quarters with for so long were forced to do the unthinkable to a man who was widely liked and considered an emblem of vitality and who they served under for years. he did funky little drawings in his letter margins and got excited about goodsir's sea creatures and had served with some of these men not just on erebus but for years before!!! he personally hired many of them (which maybe they were not so glad of anymore) because he knew and liked and trusted t hem. maybe they tried to bury his head with dignity to give at least part of him a christian burial. maybe not. but there's something deeply lonely about a jawbone. . . . with cut marks.
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i want legacy jack so bad its not even funny i think i have a type for murderers because my past fictional crushes include fnaf william afton/springtrap and dsaf henry miller AND NOW FUCKING LEGACY JACK FDGDKJHRKJHLKDFHGF
I think I am depressed again
Okay, okay, so hear me out:
The song "So Big, So Small" from Dear Evan Hansen but it's Maverick raising Bradley after Goose and Carole's death, feeling so small while the house is so big when Bradley asks if his Uncle Mav is going away too.
And Maverick knows that there will be moments that he'll miss, that there will be a space where Goose and Carole were that he can never fill and that he'll come up short in a million different ways, but he takes Bradley's hands and promises that he's not going anywhere, that his uncle staying right there no matter what. That he'll be there when it all feels so big, till it all feels so small.
How do you expect me to build my future without the foundation of my past?
“i’m getting tired even for a phoenix, always risin’ from the ashes’ 🤍
Well than...
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