Idk If I Like This - Tumblr Posts

YOU DISGUST ME.

....heart to heart???

sae x fem! reader part 1!!

ANGST ANGST ANGST

(sae isn't my fav character but every angst fic I read of him make me bawl)

Growing up with Sae had its perks. Being his neighbour means you could always see whenever you wanted!! Sae also would also always fight with anyone else who would pick on you!! It was like having your own bodyguard. When you were younger and playing with other kids at school, they always made you and Sae the mom and dad, when you asked why they would tease the both of you, saying that you and Sae were gonna get married in the future. You can vividly remember the time when Sae brought you behind a snall tree outside your back garden. He had a white tulip in his hand that he plucked out of one of your mother flower beds he then promised you that when you're older that you'd become boyfriend and girlfriend and live happily ever after.

For the longest time everyone thought you and Sae were dating, you were inseparable, like two peas in a pod. Even you mothers thought you were dating!! As you grew up you could feel your feelings for Sae growing stronger and stronger ever day. That's until Sae got scouted to play for Real Madrid, meaning Sae would have to leave Japan and go to Spain. You were sad when Sae told you that he had to leave and that he won't be back for good while, you almost wanted to plead with him to stay since it would be boring without him but you couldn't, Sae always adored soccer since well forever so you couldn't take this away from him. You remember the day that he left he head for Spain, he stopped at your house before heading to the airport. You remember tearing up and hugging nearly to death. But he looked so happy, but reminded yourself that when he came back, everything would go back you normal.

But still every day that you weren't with Sae was boring, every minute you could feel yourself ageing. You'd always buy bouquets of white topics just so you could feel more connected with Sae. But finally after 4 excruciating years, you finally saw him even though it was completely by coincidental. See you were just walking home after school, when you saw a familiar face, it was Sae, you were almost about to run up to him and his him but that when you noticed, Sae looked cold, his expression was blank and emotionless, he also looked skinnier. God what happened to him in those 4 years when he was playing in Spain???

"Sae???" You called out as you began to walk up to him. "Sae, it's been so long when did you come back???" You ask, a small smile clearly bestowed your face, as you try to push away the worries you were feeling right now.

"Ah, Y/N, I came back a 4 days ago." Sae said but his voice was laced with disdain, it was clear he didn't want to talk with you.

"Ah, shit really??? I can't believe I forgot what day you were coming back." You say laughing nervously, the smile on your face becoming more akward.

"You're still forgetful as ever, I see??" Sae says in a way that just was way too arrogant for your liking. You raised an eyebrow in shock, its been for years since you saw him an he's acting like this???

"Sae, what the fuck??? Its been 4 years since you saw me and your acting like you don't want nothing to do with me???" You blurted out, your akward smile turning into a frown.

"Well, 'cause I don't want nothing to do with you. Y/N you're nothing but a nuisance at this point, you don't matter to me anymore. So can you just fuck off???" Sae scoffs, rolling his eyes in disdain. He was looking at you like you were some sort of deplorable human being.

"Sae I— you fucking bastard. Don't you remember your promise???" You say, it was a bit of a childish thing to say but it was the only thing that you could muster up.

"Y/N what the fuck are you five??? I said that so long ago but you're still caught up about wanting to be my girlfriend are you??? And you're still acting like a dumb brainless bitch. Y/N, you fucking disgust me." Sae exclaims as he began to walk away, not even looking back once.

You stood there for a good 6 minutes processing what just happened, while tears streamed down your face, smudging your makeup, you slowly walked back to your house, tears fogging your vision. Once you got back you ran up to your bedroom, a large clear vase of white tulips sitting on your desk, in frustration you knocked the vase over onto the floor, glass shattering everywhere.

Fuck Sae.

Fuck Sae and his stupid tulips.

Fuck Sae and his stupid shitty promise.

(not proofread tehgeheh😋😋😋)

1:58 am - lando norris 

Lando norris x fem!reader Summary: 1:58 am the time he walked out of your life or 1:58 am the time he walked back into your life Warnings: hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. max is max fewtrell, italics are flashbacks a/n: put my playlist on shuffle and started writing! Hope you like it send me requests if you want an idea to be written! 

☆☆☆☆

1:58 am the exact time he walked out of your shared apartment leaving you alone, tears cascading down your face as you wondered why he went away. 

Your knees gave out as you sank to the couch, tears blurring your eyes as you opened your phone, your heart clenching as you looked at the photo of lando that lit up the dim room. Immediately you opened your email drafting  a letter of resignation to send to all the quadrant members. 

Placing your phone down, you began to walk around the apartment, memories flooding your mind 

The rain hit the windows harshly causing you and Lando to look at eachother “we're gonna get soaked” he laughed. You'd gone out for dinner and decided it was a good idea to walk to to the restaurant completely forgetting how brutal the UK weather can be 

“I guess we'll have to run home. You wanna race me lan?”

“You don't stand a chance” he smirked at you as he took your hand and led you to the door. 

He was right, you couldn't win,completely drenched hair dripping you finally caught up to him trying to catch your breath ”you could've let me win arsehole” 

“Where's the fun in that baby” he took your hand, and as if on queue music started playing from the car parked on the side “let's dance” 

You're not much for dancing but for him you did. And so you danced in the rain, laughing like a bunch of idiots. Lando pulled you in for a sweet kiss which you gladly reciprocated, until you jumped the honk of a car breaking you apart.

“Do you want to come home or are you just gonna keep standing in the rain all night?” max called 

“Oi you muppet you played the song didn't you? You should’ve shouted us before” 

“Believe it or not i actually like you two together so i gave you a cute moment don't worry i got pictures and videos so i expect a thank you”

“Thank you max” you giggled at his antics and pulled lando to the car 

You placed the frame face down not wanting to remember anymore, the hole in your heart only growing as you continued to roam through the dark halls, leading to your bedroom. Checking your phone one more time pleading for a message a call anything to tell you that he was okay and that he was coming home 

☆☆☆☆

Nov 20th was the date. 2 weeks. 14 days. Complete radio silence. Your resignation had not gone down well. Max showing up to your place pleading with you to come back saying Lando was an idiot for what he did and how you shouldn't throw 3 years of hard work at quadrant because Lando was being a dipshit. Ria and the boys spammed you with messages.you told them you’d finish all the videos scheduled this year but after that you were done. You couldn't work with him anymore. 

How could you go back? 9 years of friendship and a 4 year relationship down the drain like it meant nothing. you’ve been there since the beginning. You held him while he cried and celebrated with him after a good race. But most importantly you loved him. You thought he loved you too. 

Dread consumed you as ria dropped off your abu dhabi paddock passes reminding you that quadrant scheduled a video filming the last race of the year from the mclaren garage. You had no choice but to go. It was work after all. So you packed your bags (full of Lando's hoodies that still smell like him) , got on the plane and checked into your room on wednesday night.Declining offers to go out because you knew he'd be there and you weren't ready to face him yet. 

Saturday rolled around (too quickly) and you were getting ready to go to the paddock to watch quali. The Mclarens had been looking unbelievable this weekend, the progress they've made throughout the year clearly showing with both of the drivers being at the top in both fp1 and fp2. Your mind wandered to the possibility of Lando winning a race. Your heart clenched. A knock on your door brought you back to reality. “Are you almost ready, love quali is starting in 30 minutes? The cars waiting in the lobby ” ria spoke through the door. You grabbed what you needed and headed out. 

As predicted, Oscar finished fp3 in p1 with Lando just behind. Your heart rate was skyrocketing as you walked closer to the McLaren garage.Max knew how hard this was for you so he pulled you aside “i've known you for 9 years. I know when you're not okay. I know this is hard but this is the last time you'll be with us. Forget lando. I mean quadrant. Aarav, steve, ethan ,niran, ria, me the people you've spent the last few years with building this brand so enjoy yourself. I may be Lando's best friend but you know you'll always have me.” 

Tears pooled in your eyes as you hugged him pouring everything into it not being able to answer him verbally. You wiped your tears and continued to walk to the garage with Max next to you. 

Luckily Lando was already in the car when you got there so you settled into the familiar garage missing the feeling of watching live from the garages. Quali  went past in a blur and now all you could focus on was Lando's car going round the track setting purple sectors all around. Screams erupted as he crossed the finish line and secured pole position. Hugging all your friends and fully embracing the moment.

Lando soon made it back into the garage and Max gave you the heads up so you could go back to the hotel. You knew you'd have to face him tomorrow but maybe tomorrow you would be ready. You settled into bed and hoped you would be okay and drifted off to sleep. 

Loud knocking woke you up. Looking around for your phone you checked the time. 1:58 am. Walking up to the door thinking it was just ria you pulled on a hoodie and opened the door.You wrong. Lando stood on the opposite end of the door. Bags under his eyes and his cheeks more hollow than you remembered  he just stood there defeated. Until he finally broke the silence that consumed all the air around you

“Can I come in?” 

When the 3 AM Inspiration Hits :D

Maybe it’s the way I feel my soul crave for your existence, but I can’t help but look for your eyes at every passerby on the street

Hoping that it’s you I’ll run into.

I feel the way my heart beats

For anyone at this point in my life

Hoping that the person it beats for

Is you.

I can’t help but read every romance novel

Feeling as though it is us in another lifetime

Where our love is obvious on paper,

Easily read in between the lines of

Onyx and ivory.

I can’t help but feel jealous

At these romantic stories,

Whether they are on a page or in real time

Because maybe they found their other half

Before I did?

Or maybe it’s because they found someone who can fill the void till they meet their other half.

I’m greedy to want you in my life

Especially right now

When I know for a fact things wouldn’t work out the way I would like them.

I know I have to patient to meet you

To be able to love you.

That our story will happen when the time is right.

I know that you’re one step ahead of me,

Also waiting patiently to meet me.

To love me as much as would I love you.

I can’t help but be worried though.

Whether you’re out there still, alive and doing well.

Or if the horrors of our world have taken you to paradise among the stars where you belong.

It’s sad that the stories I read are about feeling, knowing, and loving their soulmates.

I wish that was a world we lived in because I so badly want to know your face, trace my eyes over your features and burn them to memory. Get to know the name that falls from my lips like exquisite honey. I want to know the person behind those mysterious eyes that I can’t picture.

Do you like to read?

Are you a nerd?

What’s your favorite season?

What’s your favorite type of weather?

How do you like your coffee in the morning?

Are you as obsessive as I am?

Are you as ambitious and independent as I am, but have a desire to be with me at all hours of the day?

As silly and simple as those questions are… I have so many more I want answered.

I have the guttural desire to know who you are

And where I can find you.

So I look and scour this earth trying to find you.

I look in places where I least expect you to be…

Like in friends, strangers, dating apps….

I say it’s to pass the time, but really…

A deeper part of my being is hoping to find you there…

I’m naive, knowing that you’re out there not at all doing what I’m doing…

But I’d be lying to myself and a hypocrite if I said that you weren’t doing the same as I am…

Trying to find you, and bring you, us home.

I crave for the days that will brighten when you’re by my side, waking up to the morning sun shining down on our faces.

I crave for your touch that ignites and relaxes my body, your favorite instrument to play.

One you know all too well as you trace your hands over me to play your favorite siren song.

I crave the day that our eyes finally meet and we both sigh in relief that we have found the ‘one’.

I crave for the day that I’m not the sole poet, and that you have created a sonnet from your heart dedicated to me.

I crave for the rainy days that storm down on our house of comfort,

Instead of running away and it breaking us down,

You grab my hand as we run out the door from the safety of our house and then we make out in the rain.

Not caring if the whole world was watching us.

I crave for the day that we sit inside of a pillow fort of our making as we laze around basking in each other’s presence because

it’s enough.

I crave for the day that we are able to love each other and make memories that are so far ahead of us.

I crave for the day I find you,

My other half. Who was made by the gods themselves,

To treasure, adore, spoil and love me.

So I will continue in my conquest… going through different lovers hoping to find you in this life.

Crushing on people who most likely aren’t you.

Just hoping for the off chance that it is.

I dread the thought that I’ve crossed paths with you, as it wasn’t our time yet or the off chance that it just wasn’t meant to happen in this lifetime.

But if I’m right about that,

Then I will see you when my time is up.

I will cherish and hold you with so much vigor we won’t be apart again in our next life.

My body craves our love, that only my soul would know, recognize and covet.

My heart yearns for the warmth that only your love would thaw and bring it buzzing to life again.

I would say it’s a miracle that if you are dead that you don’t know of my ability to see, feel, and hear spirits.

And if you did, and only didn’t haunt me because you didn’t want to burden me with that fact alone, then fuck you!!

Because at least I would have closure.

It would be so much easier with the fact that I know that you are dead, that you would be patiently waiting till I’ve lived my life to the fullest while mourning for you.

Because it’s easier knowing where and who you are and what happened to you,

Than wondering the what ifs,

wondering who you are

Wondering where you are

If you’re out there

Like me

Wishing

That you

Would just appear

And tell me that everything

Is going to be okay because I

Have you on my side and that nothing is going

To break us apart. Not in this life or the next.

Every person I date from here on out, will be a lesson I learn,

So that when I eventually find you, I will know how to cherish, trust, communicate, and love you, like how I know you deserve.

I know you will do the same for me.

When our souls eventually meet, it will feel like coming home. It will be like breathing in the first fresh air of spring. It will feel as though our worlds have collided in the most unlikely of ways, but when looking back on the moment it would make the most sense to us. We will love each other for all our demons and faults. We will love each other for all our happiest moments and for good days. A perfect Yin-Yang of messy and pure love.

We will stand for and with each other every step and turn. Devoted to one another.

I do not have the pleasure of knowing who you are yet.

But my soul loves and misses you. Whoever, whomever and wherever you are, and I can’t help but wish and pray that you’re doing okay and holding up without me. I hope that you hold out and look for me a little longer because I will find, and come home to you soon. My dearest sweet love.

My other half,

My one true soulmate.