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Answer Honestly

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Prompts -  “Ever heard of the 36 Questions that lead to love?”

From the moment you’d been called into your bosses’ office in the States and told you were relocating to Columbia to assist the DEA in capturing Pablo Escobar every day was hectic. There was always something happening, a new lead, a new dead end, a new body, a new bombing. Between proving that you could work just as well as the men on the team and the constant disappointment of always being a step behind Escobar you were exhausted and were glad for the short period when Escobar disappeared.

The silence from Escobar felt like a victory in itself. From what you understood the man had very few supporters left, even the people of Colombia seemed to turn away from him as the days went by. Just because Escobar was hiding away and trying to plan his next move didn’t mean the DEA didn’t have work to do, a steady number of anonymous calls still poured in but the workload had definitely eased up for the first time since you’d joined the hunt for Escobar. 

Which left more room for you to sit at your desk which Steve had shoved into the room to rest against both his and Javier’s. 

The bickering and arguing had always been a constant sound whenever you and Javier where in the same room as each other but since Escobar wasn’t active the sound became a more regular occurrence that lasted until the end of your shifts as you didn’t leave the building as much as you did when you were following leads.

The arguments with Javier always began over nothing, there was never any real heat behind the words you threw at each other. Sure the two of you had rubbed each other the wrong way since you’d arrived in Colombia but at the end of the day, despite the glares and angry words, you had each other’s back. 

Plus fighting with Javier was so enjoyable, you couldn’t help but provoke him and push him into fighting with you, watching as his fist clenched and he took a step closer to you…you might not like the man but even you couldn’t deny he was attractive.

“Where’s Steve?” You asked as Javier sat down in his seat, leaning back and rolling his eyes at you.

“Good morning to you too,” he grumbled, hands coming up to rest on his chest, “he’s following a lead.”

The words caused you to perk up. It wasn’t like you weren’t glad for Escobar’s silence but you really weren’t cut out for sitting at your desk all day, you were meant to be out there taking out the bad guys.

“Don’t get too excited, we already know it’s not leading anywhere.” And just as quickly as you’d sat up you were slouching in your seat again, a huff leaving you as you pulled a magazine close to you and flicked it onto a random page.

Javier had yet to take his eyes off you and watched the exact moment your face shifted from boredom to a look that usually meant Javier was about to be annoyed. He barely suppressed a sigh as you grinned over at him, sitting a little straighter in your chair.

“Hey Javi, would you like to be famous?” You asked him, causing him to look at you questioningly.

“What?” He asked when it became clear you weren’t going to say anything else. 

“Just answer the question,” You told him, laying the magazine on the desk as you leaned your elbows against it, turning your body towards him, “Do you want to be famous?”

“No.” He finally gave in, causing your grin to widen.

“Really?” You asked and watched as Javier rolled his eyes again. “I think it’d be kinda fun, no?”

“Why are you asking me if I want to be famous?” He asked but you ignored him and looked back to the magazine. 

“Ok, here’s a good one, tell me something you like about me.” You said, eyes shifting to lock with his and smiling as you saw his face, looking at you with his usual level of annoyance. 

“You’re gonna be waiting a long time for that answer.” Javier said, causing you to roll your eyes at him. 

“Come on,” you said, a slight whine in your tone, “just answer the questions. I’m bored and wanna see if it works.”

“See if what works?” Javier asked again, hands moving to grab the magazine but you pulled it back just before he could.

“Ever heard of the 36 questions that lead to love?” You asked him, grinning at the unimpressed look you received as an answer. “It’s meant to make two strangers fall in love with each other, I wanna see if it’ll work on us.”

“You want to fall in love with me?” Javier said with a smirk, tone immediately more flirty than it ever was when talking to you and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Obviously not, I want you to fall madly in love with me so that I can break your heart,” You told him, watching as he nodded along unbelievingly but you ignored him and continued, “Now, tell me something you like about me.”

There was a long pause, the silence stretching out as Javier looked at you, as if he were actually considering his answer. You didn’t look away from his stare, just raised an eyebrow at him and waited to see if he was capable of giving you a genuine answer…of saying something nice about you.

“I like your determination.” He finally told you, voice steady even if he didn’t look entirely comfortable at his own honesty and when you eyebrows knitted together he expanded on his answer without meaning to. “Your very first day, you walked through those doors and made it clear you weren’t just a pretty face for the office, you were an agent who was here to do a job.”

Another silence passed between the two of you before Javier cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Pretty sure you’re supposed to say something nice about me now.” He told you, gesturing to the magazine in your hands and you nodded though you were as silent for as long as Javier had been. 

It wasn’t hard to come up with reasons you liked Javier, despite the fact you could count the number of genuine conversations you’d had with the man on one hand and all the others had been mostly arguments you weren’t denying he was a good person. The arguments weren’t serious and even with them, hell mostly because of them, you had actually started liking Javier as you spent more time with him.

“You care about people,” You said, frowning at your own words as they didn’t seem enough and like him you elaborated. “If somebody you cared about was in danger you’d do everything you could to make sure they were safe but it's not even just that, you know? Like that time we were fighting and I stormed off and ended up with that broken ankle,” the sound of Javier’s chuckle caused you to finally look up at him, a smile on his face as he recalled the day you were talking about, “we were pissed as hell at each other but you still took me to the hospital and stayed with me the whole time.”

“I kept speaking to you in Spanish because you couldn’t understand it and you were too caught up arguing with me that you didn’t even focus on the pain.” A surprised look spread across your face as you finally understood why he had barely spoken in English the whole drive to the hospital. “¿Próxima pregunta? (Next question?)” He asked with a smirk tugging at his lips and you grinned without meaning to.

“Si fuéramos a ser amigos cercanos, ¿qué es una cosa que deberíamos saber sobre la otra? (If we were to be close friends, what is one thing we should know about each other?)” You asked, watching as his smirk grew into a smile as you answered in perfect Spanish.

“I’m stubborn-” You answered first, glaring as Javier cut you off with a sarcastic scoff.

“You stubborn?” He asked, grin on his face as you rolled the magazine up and reached over to whack his arm.

“But I have the best intentions, even if it doesn’t always work out right.” Javier’s face seemed to soften at your answer as he could only stare at you for a moment before shaking his head and answering you himself.

“I’m a mess,” He admitted, voice quieter than it had been moments before, “sometimes the weight of everything we do, the weight of what we see feels like it’s gonna suffocate me.”

Just as Javier had softened at your answer you did the same with his, eyes widening a tiny bit as a soft smile spread across your face, nodding in understanding at his words, knowing first hand just how overwhelming the job was some days.

“We’ll catch him.” You said just as softly as he had spoken and his eyes shifted so they were looking directly into yours, seeing how much you meant those words.

“Yeah, I know we will.” He told you after a moment of silence passed between you.

After sharing another smile Javier prompted you to ask another question and then another one and another one until the two of you had somehow drifted closer to each other, the magazine now spread out in front of the two of you as you made your way through the questions. You and Javier confessing your most embarrassing moments, admitting to the last time you’d cried and sharing stories of your families and your upbringing. 

People glanced over at the pair of you, the sight of the two of you leaning into each other, both laughing and smiling and not a nasty word to be heard was an unusual sight, one nobody in the office could ever recall seeing. 

You and Javier remained completely oblivious to the reactions of your colleagues, both too caught up in each other, trading answers with each other and finding it hard to believe how much you wanted to know the answer to questions about Javier’s family or what his most treasured memory was.

Despite realising it you were having the most genuine conversation with Javier Peña you had ever had. Hell Javier thought this might have been the most real conversation he’d had with anyone ever and was shocked by how much he wanted you to know his story, by how much he wanted to know yours, completely hooked on every word you had to say and committing the words to memory. 

There had always been something beyond the heated arguments and words thrown carelessly between the two of you, something beyond the looks disguised as glares but neither of you would have admitted it. Neither of you even acknowledged it, refusing to look for a deeper meaning to a routine that had become a comfort, a constant thing you could count on considering how fast things could change given your line of work. 

“Última pregunta. (Last question.)” Javier said, his eyes moving from the pages in front of you to look into your eyes, hating that this moment was about to end and you’d go back to hating each other.

“For what in your life do you feel most grateful?” You asked and there was a sadness to your tone too, not knowing if you could forget this afternoon and carry on fighting the man before you.

Javier hesitated, an answer on the tip of his tongue but unsure whether he could force the words out. They were true, he knew they were but before today would never have even thought to say them. If he didn’t say them though he was damning himself to a life of pretending, pretending to hate you, pretending his feelings weren’t there. He was exhausted with the job weighing down on him, he didn’t want another weight added to the already unmanageable one on his shoulders. 

“Meeting you.” He confessed finally, the second the words left his lips he knew there was no taking them back but he found he didn’t care, he didn’t want to take them back, didn’t want them to be a secret. “Meeting you is the thing I’m most grateful for.”

You couldn’t do anything but stare at Javier. For so long the two of you fought, you argued, you snapped and glared at each other but underneath that you cared for each other. You knew without a doubt that you would take a bullet for him, knew he would take one just as quickly for you. You knew that if anything ever happened to him you’d be crushed, knew it would feel like you were losing a bit of yourself. 

It was like the feelings had always been there, hidden under the surface never to be looked at and yet somehow, with a few questions, those feelings were on full display for anyone to see and you weren’t even mad. Sure you were scared as hell as to what would happen between you and Javier but you didn’t regret that it was out in the open, in fact with the line of work the two of you were in you welcomed the small slice of happiness that could come from this conversation.

“I’m grateful we had this conversation.” You told him, voice quiet and any noise from around the office fading out as Javier shot you a shy smile that you easily returned, feeling your cheeks heat up as Javier placed his hand on yours and gave it a soft squeeze.

“Who would’ve thought some questions from a damn magazine would be the thing to get us talking?” Javier said and it was like those were the magic words to settle the nerves as you let out a laugh, Javier laughing along with you and memorising the way your face shifted and lit up as you laughed, a warm feeling in his chest at being the one to draw that reaction from you.

“So are you in love with me yet?” You asked with a grin that nearly took Javier’s breath away.

“Why?” He asked, the smile on his lips so wide it almost ached, “¿Aún quieres romperme el corazón? (Do you still want to break my heart?)”

Your grin shifted in a soft smile as you shook your head, watching as Javier’s eyes shifted to your lips but he shook his head too and brushed his thumb across your knuckles.

“Can I take you out this weekend?” He asked you, nervous bubbling in his chest, the kind of nerves he hadn’t had for many years.

A few hours ago the thought of Javier Peña going on a date would have been laughable, this man didn’t do dates, he didn’t do commitment, he did fast hookups and not much else and yet you trusted him not to use you for nothing more than sex. It was easy to believe his intentions for a date were true when he was looking at you with a nervous smile and soft eyes.

“Pick me up a seven.” You told him and he grinned at you as he nodded, squeezing your hand one last time before you were both interrupted.

“Pablo Escobar was spotted at the airport,” Steve said causing both your heads to snap over to him at the new information but then you watched him slump down in his chair and huff out and annoyed breath, “Of course he wasn’t but I still had to run through the whole damn airport just to check. Hope you two had a better day than I did.”

You and Javier both looked away from Steve and shot each other a look that turned into twin smiles causing Steve to raise an eyebrow as he looked between the two of you before his eyes landed on your joined hands.

“A much better day by the looks of it.” He grinned and you laughed as Javier rolled his eyes but he didn’t pull away from you as he slouched back in his seat, quickly changing the conversation to work as you sat mostly in silence, sneaking glances at Javier as he spoke, a smile playing on your lips as you counted down the hours until your date.

Who would have thought it would only take thirty six questions for you to fall for Javier Peña?

_________

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- Answer Honestly

- Easier With You

- Haunted by the Look in Your Eyes

- Anything For You

Easier With You

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Prompt - Javier taking care of a sick reader.

Request - Hope you feel better soon, @headinthecloudssblog

When you woke up you immediately knew it was going to be a bad day. You felt terrible, your stomach churned and your head ached but you still managed to drag yourself out of bed, having to stand still for a moment as you fought through a wave of dizziness and took a deep and shaky breath as you made your way to the bathroom.

It was a struggle to do much once you were in there, you spent a solid three minutes propping yourself up using the sink and staring at your reflection. You looked as good as you felt but forced yourself to brush your teeth half-heartedly before splashing some water against your sweaty face, groaning at the coldness, and shivering as your body couldn’t pick a temperature. 

You dragged yourself back to your room, cursing Pablo Escobar personally as you forced yourself to change from your comfortable pyjamas into something more appropriate for work. Every part of your body ached as you changed and you knew you were going to be late with the amount of breaks you took whilst changing.

Eventually you managed to get dressed, the water you had splashed on your face only moments before was useless as sweat pooled at your forehead and you felt like you had just run a marathon in the Colombian heat. 

You knew Javier would be knocking at your door soon, surprised your boyfriend hadn’t already but he was never one for getting to work on time anyway. You took the time to sit on your sofa, letting your head rest against it as you fought against another wave of nausea. 

You were terrible at being sick, some people were able to power through it but you had never been able to do that. When you were sick you seemed to feel it all at once, it spread through your whole body, your temperature shifted between hot and cold like somebody was flipping a switch, your stomach felt heavy as you tried to fight the urge to be sick, your entire body just seemed to hurt and all you wanted to do was curl up in bed and stay there until you felt better.

With Pablo Escobar still evading your every attempt to catch him though you knew you had to push aside your own sickness and power through it.

Finally there was a knock on your door but as you stood to answer it the world seemed to shift around you and you had to catch yourself against the wall, vision fading to black as you tried to force down another wave of sickness.

“Whoa, easy,” you heard somebody say faintly but the words barely registered in your head and it felt like somebody had stuffed your ears with cotton wool. 

You could feel hands on you but didn’t panic, your brain was aware enough to recognize Javier’s touch and you let him take control, let him guide your body and by the time your vision came back you found yourself sitting back on the sofa with Javier’s worried eyes staring at you.

“You good?” He asked, frowning in concern as you nodded, finally able to hear properly. “You don’t look so hot, baby.” He told you and you rolled your eyes before finding even that hurt and instead you groaned miserably watching as he smiled sympathetically at you.

Javier reached over, the back of his hand pressing against your sweaty forehead and you let out a soft whine, his hands seemed freezing against the heat coming from you. Javier’s frown deepened as he moved his hand to brush some hair that had stuck to your forehead back.

“You’re not going to work.” He told you, voice soft but firm, fully expecting the protest that came from you.

“Have to,” You told him and Javier winced at how dry your throat sounded. “Gotta catch Escobar.” 

The words had him smiling at you softly, face showing how completely and utterly gone he was for you. He brushed his fingers through your hair and you couldn’t help but lean into the touch, Javier’s hand seemingly being the cure to the aches you felt.

“Escobar can wait, something tells me we’re not catching him today.” He told you with a chuckle, watching as you frowned at him but didn’t protest more than that.

You must have been feeling terrible.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed.” Javier said softly and you let him help you stand up, Javier carrying most of your weight and practically carrying you to your bed as your feet refused to cooperate. 

Javier sat you down on the bed, chuckling as you whined about not being able to lay down yet. He murmured something about getting you into more comfortable clothes and quickly found one of his shirts in your closets, well actually he found way more than one shirt and it just confirmed his theory that you had been stealing them, not that he minded in the slightest, he loved seeing you in his clothes.

It was slow work getting you out of your work clothes and into his shirt but he managed with little help from you before he shifted you until you were in bed, propped up against your pillows.

“Stay awake for me, mi querida.” He murmured to you, cupping your cheek in his hand and shifting you so you looked up at him. “I’ll be right back, just gonna get you some water, yeah?”

You sniffed as you nodded at him, watching as he left, throwing you a worried glance as he did. It was less than a minute later that he returned with a glass of water for you, holding it to your lips for you as your hands shook slightly.

The ice cold water felt like heaven against your sore throat and you tried to glug the drink down but Javier moved it from you after you’d had a few mouthfuls causing you to whine.

“You’ll make yourself sick, cariño.” He told you and you knew he was right, you could feel the water already sitting heavily on your stomach. “Go back to sleep, Y/N, I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

You nodded, smiling at him weakly before shifting over in the bed despite your sore muscles and tugged Javier’s hand until he took the hint and smiled down at you. He slipped out of his jacket and shoes before he climbed into the bed with you. You immediately cuddled into his chest and Javier didn’t hesitate to wrap you in his arms, running his fingers up and down your back in a way that had you relaxing into him, already feeling better than you had only half an hour before.

It didn’t take you long to fall asleep and Javier was more than content to lay with you for a while, checking your temperature every so often and frowning when you let out a soft noise that sounded painful even as you slept. 

You’d been asleep for an hour or two when Javier carefully slipped out of bed, watching as you scrunched your nose at the loss of him and he was quick to put a pillow in his place, smiling as you cuddled into it. 

He knew you wouldn’t be able to eat much but there was something his dad used to cook for him when he got sick as a boy, it always seemed to do the trick and made him feel better and so he went about rummaging around in your kitchen, finding most of what he needed but had to go to his own apartment to grab some other ingredients. 

He tried to keep the banging and clanging down as much as possible, adding pinches of this here and a handful of that there, picking up your phone as the phone cooked and called Murphy to tell him that you were sick so neither of you would be showing up. 

You slept for another forty or so minutes before you woke up again, this time it was to the smell of something good drifting through your apartment. You lifted your head and found you weren’t as dizzy as you had been before but still needed a moment after you sat up. 

You could hear Javier faintly in the kitchen and followed the sound, leaning against the door frame as you watched him move around your kitchen with ease. It was a rare treat when Javier cooked, he was good at it but with your work schedules cooking wasn’t always an option and both of you had grown accustomed to fast food and quick, easy meals.

Javier cooking in your kitchen was a sight you could grow used to and you wished you were well enough to join him, the two of you moving around each other as you cooked an actual meal. Unfortunately you still felt terrible even with the dizziness having faded a bit. 

“What are you doing up?” Javier said as he turned around and saw you propping yourself up in the doorway, immediately abandoning the spoon he held to stir whatever it what in the pot to make his way over to you, his hand coming up to your forehead and wincing at how cold you felt now compared to the heat that was coming off you before your nap.

You leaned into Javier’s touch and he smiled before moving his hand from your forehead, watching as you leaned closer to him to rest your head against his shoulder. Javier hummed as he wrapped his arms around you, brushing his hand through the knots in your hair.

“Feeling any better?” He asked softly, frowning as you shook your head against him. “I know you won’t want to eat but trust me this will make you better in no time.” He promised, smiling as you pulled back to wrinkle your nose at him.

“If I eat I’ll be sick and I really don’t want to be sick right now.” You told him quietly, your throat not having improved either.

“I know you don’t, you don’t have to eat much but it’s the best cure.” Javier told you, smiling down at you before he kissed your cold forehead and led you into the living room, placing you on the sofa before he wrapped a blanket around you.

“What is it?” You asked him, watching as he walked back to the kitchen and added something else to the pot before turning the heat down and going to one of your cupboards to pull a glass out.

“It’s an old secret family recipe.” He grinned at you as he filled the glass with water and brought it over to you, holding it to your lips as he had before. “Sip it.” He reminded you and you did as he said, not wanting to be sick, especially when you knew he was going to have you eat whatever he had cooked up.

Javier sat with you on the sofa, you tucked under his arm and cuddled against his chest as you waited for the soup to be done. The TV played some random movie, the sound so quiet you could barely hear it but you weren’t complaining. You were more than happy to listen to Javier hum softly as his fingers traced random shapes into your skin.

You didn’t know how long the two of you sat cuddled together for, Javier’s humming had lulled you into a light sleep and you groaned as you felt him pull away from you but he silenced you with a soft kiss to your head. You forced your eyes open, blinking hard a few times before your vision stopped being bleary and watched him move around the kitchen again.

It wasn’t long before he was back by your side, whatever soup he had in the bowl smelled even better now and your stomach rumbled even with the nausea you felt. Javier smiled at you, holding the bowl, and putting some of the soup on a spoon for you, already having made sure it wasn’t too hot.

You smiled at him before you opened your mouth letting Javier feed you. His face lit up as you let out a soft moan, even with how terrible you felt, with how much you didn’t want to eat, it was incredible, no change to anything else Javier had cooked for you.

In all the time you had known Javier, when you had first been friends to when you were dating you had never been sick around him before. You hadn’t known what to expect from him, a part of you suspected he might've just let you be until you were better but this was so much better. Javier didn’t complain, he seemed more than happy to take care of you, to make sure you had hot food and a cold drink to soothe your throat, happily cuddling you even at the risk of getting sick himself.

You had never been good at being sick but having Javier look after you made it a little bit easier to handle.

-

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Haunted by the Look in Your Eyes

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Angstember Prompt -  “It was all a lie.”

The day your life fell apart started out like any other. You woke up in bed, Javier was already awake and smiling at you, the sunlight dancing over his skin making him look even more beautiful. The two of you managed to drag yourselves out of bed and get ready for another day working on the Escobar case, long hours that saw little progress though that part hardly surprised you. 

Javier had left work early, telling you and Steve he had a meeting with an informant. You had tried to find out who Javier’s newest informant was, you knew it wasn’t his regular girl Vanessa or any of the other workers, but Javier refused to tell you, said he didn’t want you to know anything in case it went bad. That was enough to set you on edge but Javier never budged and you eventually stopped asking.

You had stayed at the office for a few more hours, no new information coming across your desk and eventually Steve and you called it a day, the man offering to drive you back to the apartment complex since Javier had left. 

As you said goodbye to Steve and headed up the flight of stairs to your shared apartment with Javier nothing felt wrong, nothing in you was screaming that this was it, this was the moment your world fell to pieces. Instead it felt like any other day. You walked into your apartment, dropped your bag by the door and headed into the living room.

It wasn’t until you saw Javier sitting on the sofa, head in his hands and a file on his lap that you realised something was wrong, though nothing was warning you just how wrong things were about to get.

“Javi?” You called softly and watched as the man jumped, as if he hadn’t heard you walk into the apartment.

It wasn’t until he looked up at you that you realised something was truly wrong. His eyes were red as if he had been crying, something that immediately set you on edge because in the entire time you’d known Javier you couldn’t ever recall seeing him cry. He also looked absolutely heartbroken, his eyes were wide as if almost pleading for something, his hair messy from where he had clearly been running his hands through it.

“Javi?” You asked again when it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything, your own voice shaking slightly as you were left in suspense.

“Tell me it’s not true.” He pleaded, voice breaking as he spoke in a way that made your heart ache. The words had your eyebrows knitting together in confusion, shaking your head as you failed to understand what he was saying. “Tell me you're not working for Escobar.” 

Your knitted eyebrows loosened as your eyes widened, you swallowed against the sudden lump in your throat as you tried desperately to think of something, anything to say. It was a tense few moments of silence as you and Javier stared at each other.

“Please,” Javier begged, face crumbling as the silence stretched, “tell me you’re not with that bastard.”

“Javi,” was the only word you seemed to be able to stutter out, Javier’s eyes fell closed as his hands grabbed the folder in his lap. “Why-” but before you could ask he was holding it out to you and you took it with shaky hands.

You swore in that moment your heart stopped beating as you pulled photographs out of the folder. There, clear as day, was you sat across from Pablo Escobar. There were at least nine photographs, all from different days and all of them clearly showing you and Escobar together. You couldn’t look away from them, even as your stomach churned, it wasn’t until Javier spoke that you remembered he was in the room.

“You’re working with him.” Javier said, he didn’t question it, he didn’t need to. Right now to him it was obvious who your loyalty was to and it certainly wasn’t to the DEA, wasn’t to him.

“Javier let me explain.” It was your turn to plead with the man now, to beg him to just listen to you but there was a look in his eyes, heartbroken and defeated, that had your blood running cold, somehow knowing that no matter what you said to him it was already too late.

“All this time you’ve been working with Escobar. What were the two of you laughing this whole time about how easy this was for you?” Javier taunted, heartbreak and betrayal being disguised with anger and hate.

“It's not like that.” You protested but Javier just scoffed at you, finally standing up to turn away from you. “It’s not!” 

“Of course it’s like that! You’ve watched us nearly kill ourselves trying to get even the smallest bit of information about Escobar, watched us come so close to him only for him to escape and this whole time it’s been you telling him when to run!” Javier snapped, his words becoming louder and louder as he spoke.

“I didn’t have a choice!” You snapped back, tears filling your eyes as you silently begged the man to listen to you. “When Pablo Escobar comes into your house, surrounded by men armed with more weapons than you can count and threatens you, you don’t tell him no, that’s not an option. You say ‘si Don Pablo’ and you do whatever he tells you to do.”

“And Escobar told you to sleep with me? To get me to open up to you, to fall for you?” Javier yelled turning back to face you, hands running through his hair again before they came to rest on his hips. “That was Escobar’s grand plan?”

“Javier-” You pleaded but he cut you off.

“Was that Escobar’s plan or was that something you did all on your own? What, did you get a kick out of fooling the DEA agent?” He scoffed, trying to shove down the too many emotions that were coursing through his veins.

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with you!” You exclaimed, the words coming out of your mouth before you could even process them. You felt your own eyes widened, watched as Javier’s widened at the confession you hadn’t meant to let slip out but you didn’t regret it, wished like hell you could have said it at any other time but you didn’t regret it. You couldn’t, it was time to be honest with him, you owed him that much. “When Escobar ordered me to work for the DEA my plan was to give him the bare minimum, to give him just enough information to keep me alive but enough for him not to suspect I was keeping anything from him, enough for you to be able to surprise him. I never meant to get this close to you, never meant to let you get involved with this but then- Javi, nothing between you and me was a lie.” 

“It was all a lie.” Javier told you coldly, “You’ve lied to me since the moment we met.”

“I couldn’t tell you the truth, surely you can see that. You of all people know exactly what Pablo Escobar is capable of.” You told him, still fighting to keep your own tears where they were, not letting them fall.

“You didn't think I would have helped you?” He snapped, “You don’t think I would have done everything to keep you safe?” 

“Javi-” You started but he cut you off again.

“No, I would have helped you, I would have burned the world to keep you safe but you didn’t trust me.” The words were filled with hurt and betrayal, his eyes shining with tears even as he glared at you.

“That’s not fair and you know it.” You told him, hurt clear in your own voice as you blinked harshly, desperate for the tears to go away.

“No, you know what’s not fair is the girl I let down every damn wall for has done nothing but lie to my face, watched me work my ass off and beat myself up day after day, watched me blame myself for not being quick enough to catch the bastard when you’ve been feeding him information that leads to his escapes. That’s what is not god damn fair!” Javier fumed, pacing back and forth as he spoke.

You knew he was right, knew you were in the wrong. How could you hold him on the nights where it got too much for him, nights where he could do nothing but blame himself, nights where he had worked without sleeping before the exhaustion hit him, all the while you were the one telling Escobar when and where the DEA were going to be.

You just wished he would see things from your point of view, the one of a scared woman, alone in Colombia, the one surrounded by Escobar’s men, men who weren’t shy about showing off their weapons, all the while the man himself sat before you with a plan to get you into the DEA and promises that disguised threats about what would happen should you refuse. 

But you knew Javier was angry, too angry to even begin seeing things from your perspective and you couldn’t blame him. This was a man who had built his walls so high and so thick as to keep everybody out and yet had knocked them down as easy as a house of cards just for you, the man had shown a side of himself that hadn’t been seen by anyone for a very long time and you had just shown him why he had built those walls in the first place.

You couldn’t blame him for being angry, couldn’t blame him for whatever he decided to do next. You wished things could be different, you had known from the second he had asked you out for drinks that nothing good would come from getting close to the man and yet you had let yourself get to know him, let him get to know you, watched as his walls fell down and yours crumbled for him.

“You’re right,” you finally said after a long beat of silence, your voice broken and defeated as you finally looked away from him. Your gaze fell down to your feet as the tears that filled your eyes threatened to finally fall. “It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair.”

There were no words spoken for a while, only silence filled the apartment. You couldn’t remember a time when silence was the only thing to be heard, usually the TV played quietly in the background, the radio playing a song that made Javier pull you into his arms as the two of you cooked in the kitchen, the man twirling you around, the sounds of laughter filling the space. The silence felt wrong but you wished for it to return once Javier broke it. 

“Leave.” He finally said. The single word, cold and emotionless, sent an ache through your chest as you looked towards him again. Wide, watery eyes pleading with him but he just shook his head before you had the chance to open your mouth. “Just, just leave, leave the DEA, leave Colombia. Just leave.”

You wanted to beg him to hear you out. You wanted to desperately scream and yell at him to understand that you had no choice, that you were powerless against a man like Pablo Escobar. 

You knew leaving Colombia would be near impossible, what with the amount of people Escobar actually owned in the city he’d be notified as soon as you started packing your bags. Yet you couldn’t be mad at Javier’s request, not when you knew it wasn’t out of hatred or malice. You knew that to him this was the only option he could give you, the other being he would have to turn you over, tell everyone you were spying, that you were passing highly sensitive information that people had risked their lives to get right over to Pablo Escobar. 

Javier still cared about you despite how badly you had messed up.

You had known you should have told him. Maybe not in the beginning when you didn’t know him from anybody else but after the two of you became friends, became more than friends, once the two of you started sharing stories of your lives, secrets you had never planned on telling anybody, once you started to trust one another, that’s when you should have told him. There were so many chances to tell him Pablo Escobar was threatening you, that you had simply been with one wrong person, happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and somehow ended up being dragged into a world you were completely unprepared for. Instead you buried it, pretended you were a real DEA agent, with a real boyfriend and forgot how easily it could be taken away from you, forgot that you wouldn’t be the only one hurt by this.

Looking at Javier through watery eyes was heartbreaking, his own eyes were teary though he was doing a better job at hiding it. You could see the way his jaw clenched and how his knuckles were almost white at his sides. After a few moments you nodded, swallowing against the lump in your throat. 

You knew you had to leave, how you were going to do that you didn’t know, all you did know was that Javier wasn’t going to forgive you, not for this, not when you were the one thing stopping him from getting the man he wanted.

You had gone from somebody he had fallen in love with to everything he was fighting against in a matter of minutes.

“I really am sorry, Javi.” You managed to choke out, the tears finally making their way down your cheeks and for a moment Javier looked like he was going to step forward, his hand twitching upwards as if to wipe your tears away before it clenched even tighter and he nodded back, moving so you could walk past him.

It was one of the hardest things you had ever had to do but somehow you forced your feet to move, forced yourself to walk past Javier and tried to ignore the feeling of your world falling to pieces as your hand touched the door knob. You stood there for a moment, frozen as you realised this was the last time you’d see Javier, the man you were in love with, the man who had every reason to hate you. 

You took a deep breath and opened the door. As much as you wanted to turn around you forced yourself not to, not to turn and beg and plead with him, instead you respected his request and mustered up enough strength to walk out of the apartment. The door fell shut behind you and you let your head fall back against it, eyes falling shut in an attempt to control yourself, to try and calm the tears until it was safe to break down.

Now you were truly on your own, the man you loved had shown you one final act of mercy by not turning you over but you knew that was all he would give you. The look in his eyes would haunt you for a lifetime, no amount of running would get it out of your head.

Pablo Escobar had truly ruined your life but you didn’t doubt for a second that he would pay for what he had done. You hoped that with you out of the way, no longer there to give the man the warnings he demanded, that Javier could do what needed to be done. 

The man was going to pay.

_________________

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Anything For You

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Prompts -  “Shh. Stay here and don’t make a sound no matter what you hear. I’ll come back for you when it’s over.” & “You shoot anyone who walks through that door who isn’t me, you hear?”  

Javier knew it wasn’t a good idea to bring you along. He should have just waited for Steve, or better yet he should have kept his mouth shut and followed his lead himself. Instead he had been ordered to bring you along, he knew damn well it was to keep him in line, he was known to play fast and loose with the rules, it was the main reason you had been assigned to the case with him and Steve.

It wasn’t even that he didn’t like you, he did, he really did and wasn’t that part of the problem. You were the first person he’d met down here that made him want to give up his life of lonely nights and prostitutes, the first person he’d actually let in. Nothing had happened between the two of you much as Javier wished it would but he knew he liked you, he cared about you and wanted to do everything he could to keep you safe.

So having you walk into one of Escobar’s apparent abandoned safe houses wasn’t exactly filling him with joy. It set him on edge and he felt like he couldn’t focus properly, ever since you’d walked through the door he’d had one eye on the room and one eye on you. It made it damn near impossible to look for anything useful.

“Are you sure this place is abandoned?” You asked as you lifted up a newspaper and frowned down at it.

“My source seemed pretty sure.” He told you but frowned with you, trusting you and your senses more than any of his informants. “Why?”

“This is yesterday’s paper.” You said, holding it up to him so he could read the date on it. “Your source tell you exactly when they left?”

“He seemed to think they left in a hurry but no, no he didn’t say when.” Javier said and his frown deepened as he looked around the room.

“Something about this place doesn’t feel abandoned.” You told him and he nodded without looking at you, knowing that as bad as he wanted to keep you safe he had a job to do.

The two of you made your way through the safe house, frowns firmly in place as more and more evidence piled up to suggest that the place wasn’t as abandoned as you’d been led to believe. You questioned just how trustworthy Javier’s informant was and he swore to you their information was usually good, it had never been wrong before.

“Maybe Escobar figured there was a rat.” You suggested and Javier’s eyebrows knitted together, his guy wasn’t too close to Escobar but he was close enough that Escobar knew who he was.

Just as Javier was about to say something the roar of more than one engine could be heard from outside and you and Javier’s head shot around to face each other, your wide eyes staring back at him as he desperately tried to come up with a plan but he couldn’t see any way out.

You were stuck in here.

“Fuck.” Javier cursed as the engines cut off and seconds later the door you and Javier had come through opened and shut.

“Javi,” You started but cut yourself off as he stepped closer to you and cupped your cheek, bringing his forehead down to rest on yours.

“You trust me?” He asked and you didn’t even need a second to think before you nodded against him, murmuring a soft yes that had Javier’s lips pulling into a smile despite the situation. “Good girl, stay here, I’ll be back soon.”

“Javi, no-” You protested in a whisper but Javier had already made his mind up. His job was to protect you, his purpose was to make sure you were safe. What happened to him didn’t matter, not when your life was in danger.

“Shh. Stay here and don’t make a sound no matter what you hear. I’ll come back for you when it’s over.” He told you and looked into your wide, watery eyes as you shook your head. “Hey, you gotta trust me baby.”

Javier watched as you took a deep, steadying breath and even as your bottom lip trembled you nodded and he kept his smile in place, trying to be brave for the both of you even as the place was filled with God only knew how many of Escobar’s men.

“That’s my girl.” Javier said and watched your lips twitch upwards slightly.

He pulled away far enough so that he could place a soft kiss to your forehead, letting his lips linger against you for a few seconds longer, savouring the feeling of you against him and hoping like hell he had the chance to see you again.

When he pulled away his hand went down to his gun, taking the safety off as he made his way to the door. You watched as he moved to leave, a tear sliding down your cheek as every part of you wanted to follow him out of the room.

“You shoot anyone who walks through that door who isn’t me, you hear?” Javier ordered and you took another steadying breath and nodded, pulling your own gun out. “That’s it, baby. Keep quiet and stay in here, yeah?” Again you nodded and with that Javier left the room, shutting the door silently behind him.

The house was painfully silent for a long couple of moments, your chest hurting as you practically stopped breathing to listen out for Javier. You flinched violently when you heard gunshots ringing out, too many to count and every part of you screamed to go out there and help Javier.

You couldn’t though, he had told you to stay hidden and you just needed to trust that he had this, that he could get the upper hand. Your stomach churned as you waited though, knowing that, whilst Javier wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet in them especially when your safety was at risk, Escobar’s men were ruthless.

You just had to trust Javier. He was good with the gun, he knew what he was doing.

He would be ok.

The sound of gunshots seemed to last for hours when really it couldn't have been more than a few minutes before the house filled with silence. You held your breath again, waiting for any sign of life but when the house stayed silent you took a step towards the door with a feeling of dread.

Then you heard a thud before footsteps started to make their way towards the door. You took two steps back and held your gun tighter in your hands, hoping like hell it was Javier on the other side.

The seconds between hearing somebody grab the door knob and the door opening were tense and you let out a sharp breath of relief as Javier practically fell through the door. You noticed the blood covering him and ran over to him just in time to catch him, struggling to keep his weight up as you tried to find a wound.

“I’m alright,” Javier tried to assure you through gritted teeth and you just shook your head. “S’not all mine.”

“C’mon,” you said as you wrapped your arms around him more securely and practically dragged him out of the room, knowing you needed to get out of here. “We gotta get you to a hospital.”

“No!” Javier protested, stopping abruptly causing you to stumble and Javier to nearly fall to the ground, letting out a pained curse as he did. “No hospital.”

You didn’t argue with him, knew there was no time for that, so instead you nodded and repositioned your arms so you could help him to the car. It took longer than you would have liked but eventually you were driving away from the safehouse before any more of Escobar’s men had the chance to show up.

Javier had you drive to the apartment complex, he knew he couldn’t risk the two of you walking into a hospital, if Escobar was looking for the two of you then the staff under him wouldn’t hesitate to report two Americans walking in.

He gritted his teeth and leaned most of his weight onto you as the pair of you struggled up the stairs and into his apartment before you helped him onto the couch where he dropped onto it none too gently, letting out a hiss of pain as he did.

“Let me see.” You demanded, trying to keep your voice from shaking but Javier knew you better than anyone and could see how scared you were no matter how well you tried to hide it.

“I’m alright, baby.” Javier tried to reassure you again, his tone breathy as he tried to push the pain down.

You shook your head and knelt down in front of him, a sight Javier would have drank down any other time but right now his side ached in pain and it was taking all his strength to keep calm in front of you. Your hands came up to his blood stained shirt and pulled it up, murmuring a soft, distracted apology as he winced.

Your eyes immediately went to the wound on his side, a bullet had skimmed his skin, deep enough that he would definitely need stitches but thankfully the bullet had gone clean across his skin so there was no need to deal with it lodged in him.

“You need a hospital, Javi.” You told him, this time you weren’t able to stop the shake in your voice as you looked up at him and saw his head tilted to the side like he no longer had the strength to hold it up and his eyes drooped closed. “Hey! Don’t even think about sleeping.”

“No hospital, baby, can’t protect you right now.” Javier slurred out and you felt your own panic rise as you thought through your options. No hospital, Steve wasn’t in his apartment and Javier wouldn’t trust anyone in his right now.

You were going to have to patch him up yourself, a great idea if you actually knew what you were doing.

“Ok, ok, no hospital but you have to work with me, Javi, ok? You can’t sleep, I’ll be right back but you gotta stay awake for me.” You told him, moving to stand up and get Javier’s first aid kit, knowing it would be fully stocked with everything you needed.

“Do anything for you, baby.” Javier breathed out and despite yourself you couldn’t help but smile before moving around his apartment.

It didn’t take you long to come back to Javier’s side with everything you thought you needed and frowned at Javier’s closed eyes.

“Hey, you gotta wake up.” You told him whilst you gently shook his shoulder, watching as a lazy smile spread across his face and he forced his eyes open to look over at you.

“M’awake baby.” He promised you and you smiled back as you picked the soaked rag up and gently wiped over the wound, apologising as Javier winced and moaned. Once the wound was cleaned you rooted through the first aid kit and quickly found a needle and thread, wincing yourself as you pierced his skin to patch him up.

Your stomach turned at the sight but you knew you had to do this, so after taking a steadying breath you continued to make your way up the wound, finding it easier to breathe when the blood stopped coming out dangerously fast. Your hands were shaking as you tied the thread off after piercing the needle through the wound one last time before you sat back on your heels with a deep sigh.

“That’s my girl.” Javier said and you let out a shaky laugh that sounded more like a sob really, Javier’s hand coming up to slowly rest on your cheek to pull you closer to him.

You went willingly until your head rested against his shoulder and he moved his forehead to rest against yours, his thumb brushing across your cheek bone. You leaned into the touch, suddenly feeling as exhausted as Javier looked and Javier shifted slightly to press a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead that had your eyes filling with tears.

He was ok.

“You did good, you’re alright.” Javier assured, feeling your tears on his hand and you pulled away from him slightly, just far enough to look at him properly. “Hey, you’re alright, you’re safe.”

“Javi, you were shot.” You told him, he had been shot and here he was still making sure you were ok. “You were shot and you should have let me help you.”

“You did help me, you fixed me up-” Javier started but you cut him off with a shake of your head.

“You should have let me help you back in the house.” You protested and watched as Javier's face softened as he looked at you. “You got shot because you wanted to keep me safe but what if I was with-”

“Baby, if you were out there with me,” Javier interrupted you, pausing to wince as he sat up and you helped him into a sitting position. “If you were out there with me I promise you I’d be worse off.”

“But I could have protected you.” You told him and a smile spread across his face.

“Y/N, there were four guys with huge guns who didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger and I got away with a little scratch. If you were out there with me it would have been worse because I’d have been so focused on you I wouldn’t have been able to protect you properly.”

You were silent after that and Javier watched you process his words, he never wanted you to think he didn’t think you weren’t capable, he’d seen you out in the field and knew you could handle yourself but in a situation where you were outnumbered by, at the time, who knew how many men, Javier had to make a decision and he was always going to choose to put himself in danger before he let anything happened to you.

“Hey,” he said softly as he nudged your knee with his, “it’s been a shit day, let’s just go to bed.”

He watched as your eyebrows knitted together before you looked from him to his bedroom door and seemed to melt as the tension fell from you and you nodded, standing first so you could help Javier up.

Javier winced at the pain in his side but it was bearable enough that he could also focus on how good it felt to have you pressed up against him. It didn’t take long before you got to the bedroom and you set Javier down gently before he told you that you could wear one of his shirts.

You didn’t hesitate to grab one you knew well, it wasn’t anything special just a simple dark green shirt but it was well worn and smelt like Javier, it felt like being enveloped by the man. You left the bathroom and watched as Javier’s face shifted from a wince of pain into a soft smile that spread across his face and you couldn’t stop yourself smiling back.

This was how it was supposed to be, you and Javier coming home together, climbing into bed with each other where Javier could wrap his arms around and pull you into his chest. The two of you should have this and now that Javier had had a taste of you pressed up against him he knew he was done for, he knew there were no more excuses about why he couldn’t ask you out, knew he couldn’t go back to nights filled with prostitutes to mask the loneliness he felt.

This was how it was meant to be, you and him together, with hopefully less blood and needles, but the two of you together in a home that was your own.

__________

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Thank you so much for reading!❤️‍🔥

𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 - Javier Peña

pedro pascal has me in a chokehold and i'm not gonna apologize for it. take this smut. also, this is basically just a self insert cause i couldn't help myself

Summary: All alone at a bar after being stood up by a blind date, you catch Javier's lustful eye.

Warnings: self insert basically (I'm half Mexican so...yeah, I made reader Mexican too. sue me), alcohol and drug consumption, dancing and leaving no room for Jesus (grinding), SMUT (MINORS DNI), one night stand, fingering, oral (m!receiving), spanking, kinda mean dom!Javi

word count | 4.3k🤙🏻

You didn’t think your night could get any worse.

First, you get all dolled up just to be stood up by your date, then the friend you came to the club with abandoned you to hook up with some random guy. You hoped you’d at least meet someone here to soothe your bruised ego, but there weren’t any takers or anyone that met your standards. Yeah, tonight seemed like it would be a bust.

Unbeknownst to you, across the bar, Javier Peña couldn’t keep his eyes off you. After a rough day on the job, his partner encouraged him to come to this club to blow off some steam. He was content just hanging out with Murphy, until he saw you. The expression on your face is what caught his eye first, the way you had a permanent frown and look of disappointment. He instantly knew you must’ve gotten stood up, or broken up with. Why would anyone stand up someone as gorgeous as you? He’d never know. He really thought you were. Gorgeous. The way your eyes sparkled in the club lights, the way your lips wrapped around the rim of your margarita glass, leaving a subtle red stain with your lipgloss. Of course, he couldn’t help but notice your attire; a dress just above knee length lined with lace, hugging the form of your torso but flowing around your hips. He followed the curve of your ass down your legs until he got to your freshly pedicured feet that sported wedges that matched the dress. He hated knowing that you must’ve gotten dressed up for nothing.

You were such a stunner, Javier didn’t even register Steve was even talking to him. “Sorry, what?” He tried speaking over the music blaring over the speakers.

Steve only laughed, shaking his head as he took a swig of his beer. “You’ve been eyeing that bird ever since we got here. Just go talk to her, man.”

Javier shook his head, turning back around to face his partner. “Nah, I came here with you. It’s fine.”

Steve gave him an unimpressed look, totally not believing him. “You’re so full of shit. Right now, I know the last thing you wanna be doing is spending time with little ol’ me when you could be chatting up a beautiful woman. I’m alright, thinking about heading home to my woman actually.” He finished his drink and started to get up before Javier could even respond. “Enjoy yourself, you’ve earned it after the day we’ve had. See ya on Monday.” 

“But, I-” Javi’s voice trailed out the farther Steve walked away, leaving him alone and slightly buzzed. He looked back over at you, somehow looking even more pitiful and on the verge of completely giving up on fun. He sighed heavily before chugging the rest of his beer. “Fuck it.”

You didn’t hear the approaching footsteps over the music, getting startled out of your thoughts when you heard a voice from beside you. “Te ves como si te estuvieras divirtiendo.” The man beside you said, his voice straining a little so you could be able to hear him. At first glance, you thought about leaving right away, but once you got another look, this man was actually pretty attractive. He was tall, gruff looking, but his smile was sweet.

You smiled apologetically. “Lo siento, no hablo español.” You cursed yourself for never learning Spanish.

“Oh, no problem. I’m originally from the States, so. You’re not Colombian?”

“Mexican, actually.”

“Ah, muy bien.”

You giggled, taking a sip of your margarita to calm your nerves in front of this very handsome man. “Spent my whole life around Hispanics and never seemed to pick it up. My father is very disappointed in me.” His laugh made a blush bloom across your cheeks, but thankfully the lights in the club were dim enough to make sure he couldn’t notice.

“What are you doing in Colombia?”

“Holiday, invited by a friend.”

“And what brings you to this club tonight? Got a hot date?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

You huffed. “Well, I was supposed to meet someone here, but he was a no show. I came here with my friend too, but said friend has ditched me tonight.”

His eyebrows furrowed into a frown. “They left you after you got stood up?”

“Oh, no, she wouldn’t do that. I told her she could, but that was before I was ghosted. She’s probably back at our hotel getting dicked down right now. So, I figured I’d stay here a while to give her some privacy or snag someone here for myself.”

“Any takers?” Javier already knew the answer to that, but he wanted to hear it from your mouth.

You sighed with a sad smile. “Nope. I’m completely alone here.”

He leaned in closer to you, resting his forearms on the bar stand. “Well, not anymore. Can I buy you a drink?”

You smirked. “I don’t even know your name.”

He reached out his hand. “Javier Peña.” You closed the gap, taking his course, warm hand in yours. He grinned as you told him your name, as if you just told him the secret of life. “Bonita. Two whiskeys, por favor.” He spoke to the bartender. Oh, this guy was good.

“You’re a bold one, aren’t you?” You giggled.

He shrugged. “Have to be in my line of work. Plus, if I wasn’t, I’d never get laid.” You almost spat out your drink. Well, bold was an understatement.

“And what line of work would that be?”

Javier seemed to hesitate at that, scrunching his face in a frown for a brief second. “DEA Agent.” You nodded in acknowledgement, your expression plain so he couldn’t guess what your stance was. You weren’t running away immediately, so that was a good sign.

Throughout the next hour or so, you both talked each other’s heads off. Each of you telling each other about your work, hobbies, likes and dislikes, even some political stances (the alcohol may have loosen your tongues).

Then, your eyes lit up as a popular Spanish song sounded through the speakers. “Oh my god, I love this song!” You beamed, your body instantly swaying to the beat in your chair.

Javier smiled, stepping away from the bar and extending his hand. “Dance with me?”

“You’re just gonna assume I know how to dance?”

“You’re Mexican, aren’t you?”

“Half.” You chuckled nervously.

He shrugged, grabbing your hand and pulling you off the stool you were sitting on. “You’ll be able to keep up. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle. Promise.” He purred, bringing your hand up to kiss your knuckles. Oh, he was trouble.

You let out a surprised squeal as Javier spinned you around with his hand before getting into the dance. The song was more fast paced, so you both settled on a messy salsa. Javier led you well, laughing off whenever you accidentally stomped on his foot. You had taken a salsa class before, so you weren’t too terrible. But you could tell Javier could’ve looked much better with a more experienced partner. But he didn’t choose someone else, he chose you. “See? You’re not that bad!” He shouted over the music, causing you to grin.

“Well, you’re an excellent dance partner.”

As the energy died down and a slower song came on, you and Javier stepped closer together, wrapping each other’s arm around the other as you started to sway to the music. Your heart thumped in your chest as he looked down on you with those dark, mysterious eyes. He didn’t even try to hide every glance down to your lips or your chest that was pressed up against his. Taking a look around, all the other couples on the dance floor were in similar positions, most making out which caused a blush to form on your cheeks. Javi seemed to notice as he smirked, stepping back to twirl you around, pulling your back against his chest, still keeping up with the beat.

“And what about this song? Is this another favorite?” He spoke against your ear, eliciting a shiver down your spine as you felt his breath fan across your skin.

You shook your head. “I’ve never heard it before.”

“Oh, it’s a great song. It’s about getting to know a woman’s body for the first time.” Your eyes widened. “What she likes, how she likes to be touched, learning if she likes it slow…or rough.” You silently gasped as Javi gripped your hips tightly, pulling your ass against his pelvis, bringing one hand to press against your lower stomach. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the music or maybe it was just you, but you subtly smirked as you grinded back against him, a soft groan escaping from his lips as he tightened his hold against you.

“That does sound like a great song. I bet you know all about that, hm?”

“I am a fast learner.” He growled, running his tongue up the side of your neck, instinctively allowing your head to loll back to rest against his shoulder. You bit your bottom lip to keep in a moan that threatened to escape as his teeth dug in gently. You smiled as you felt Javier’s bulge against your ass, the music allowing you to grind against him without raising any brows. 

“Should I guess what you like?”

He hummed. “If you come back to my apartment with me, you won’t have to.”

You turned back to face him, a bright smile on your face. “Will you be gentle?”

He smirked darkly. “I don’t think that’s what you want, querida.”

The both of you didn’t waste any more time in that dance club. You felt your arousal pool in your underwear as Javier all but dragged you outside to slam you against his car, his lips already brushing against every piece of exposed skin he could find before kissing you roughly, his mustache tickling. You moaned at the intensity of it, not having been laid in a long, long time. But you couldn't get too ahead of yourself, you weren’t at his apartment and you were still in public, but by how handsy Javier was being, you figured it didn’t bother him. “Are we going to your place or should I just take off my panties right now?” You giggled as you gently pushed him away, keeping him at arm's length.

“Sorry. I don’t normally take my time…” He whispered breathlessly, placing a feather light kiss on your cheek.

You smirked. “I have some weed if that’ll make you relax.”

Javier narrowed his eyes and pinched your side playfully, making you wince. “You know, I could arrest you for that.”

“Yeah. But from the hard on that pressing against me right now, you really want to get in my pants. Can’t fuck me when I’m in a jail cell.”

“I can be creative.” You let out a whimper as he smacked your ass hard, groping the fatty flesh through your dress before reaching behind you to open the passenger side door of his truck. “Get in.”

You chuckled at his demanding tone, clearly worked up, but you didn’t have the heart to tease him anymore so you obeyed. You almost flinched as he slammed the door shut, speed walking to the other side of the car and starting the engine as soon as he got in. On the road, Javier extended his hand towards you, palm facing it. You raised a brow in confusion. “The drugs.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Seriously? It was a joke. I don’t have any weed.”

Javier looked you up and down with a glance before a smirk came to his face. “So you wouldn't mind if I search you?”

“Where would I ever hide it? My bra? My cunt?”

“Scared I’ll find some?”

You bit your lip to keep yourself from smiling, shifting in your seat to slightly face him, leaning up against the door as you removed your underwear but keeping your dress covering your modesty. “I’ve got nothing to hide, sir.”

Javier’s eyes darkened as he glanced between you and the road. There wasn’t much traffic, so he figured he could get away with it. He reached his hand over and patted your torso down, reaching further and further until he got to your breasts, kneading the flesh softly until his fingers dipped in past your dress and bra. You sighed out as he roamed your tits, pinching your nipples until they hardened. “All clear?” You teased, squeezing your thighs together to get some friction.

“Not yet. I have one more place to check.” You tried not to shiver as his hand trailed down your body, lifting the hem of your dress out of the way and pushing your legs apart to lay his eyes on your glistening pussy. You could hear a soft growl from him as he slid one of his fingers through your slit, your wetness gathering at your entrance quickly. “Been a while, has it?” You gasped as his middle finger started to press against your clit, heat rushing to your face and neck, contrasting against the cold window your head rested against.

“A bit, yeah.” You exhaled shakily.

Stopping at a red light, Javier’s eyes were fixed on your face as he inserted two of his fingers inside you, watching the way your eyes rolled to the back of your head briefly as your lips parted in a moan. He groaned, curling his fingers rhythmically and trying to stretch you out preemptively. “So fuckin’ tight, babygirl. Squeezing my fingers so hard.” Well, it was hard not to when his fingers were so thick and long. He definitely was an expert in this field, finding that place inside you that always had you panting and whining, which is exactly what you were doing as he paired the thrusts of his fingers with his thumb circling your clit.

“Fuck, that feels so good Javier.” You moaned, holding on to the dash for dear life as you tried not to squirm too much.

“Call me Javi.” A sudden honk of a horn jerked you and Javier out of the moment, the spotlight turned red minutes ago, causing the car behind to lose their patience. You giggled as he cursed in Spanish as he sped off, faster than before, anxious to feel all of you. With his fingers still inside you, Javi hastily parked his vehicle on the street outside his apartment, ripping off his seatbelt to lean over to kiss you sloppily. “You were close before, weren’t you?”

You nodded with a whine, the windows starting to fog with your panting breaths. You held onto his shoulder as he forced you to that peak once more, just the right move to push you over the edge. “Javi, fuck-!” You whimpered, the wet squelching of his fingers moving in and out of you echoing in the truck.

“So wet.” He chuckled darkly. “Gonna come on my fingers, querida?”

“Yes. Yes, Javi!” You moaned loudly, heat taking over your whole body as you rode out that wave of ecstasy on his fingers. Javier groaned as he watched your face contort in pleasure, it almost making him come in his jeans untouched. He grinned as he watched your slick coat his fingers and pool into his palm, pulling his hand away to see your cunt make stringy cobwebs of cum. “All clear on those drugs, agent Peña?” You joked when you noticed his oblivious fixation.

He chuckled softly. “I don’t know. I think you’ll need to join me in my apartment for a further evaluation.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Your hands shook as Javier led you up the stairs to his apartment with heavy and hot gazes towards you, almost to make sure you were following him. Like you’d ever want to leave with the promise of getting laid. He seemed to be antsy like you, fumbling with his keys and having to take a deep breath before unlocking his door. But once you stepped over the threshold, all possible nerves promptly left his body as he pinned you to his wall and kissed you passionately. You whined as his hands wandered until they gripped onto your ass, grinding his clothed erection against you.

“God, I can’t wait to fuck you, hermosa.” He growled before latching onto the crook of your neck with his teeth.

“Then don’t.” You whispered shakily, palming his bulge which elicited a low, deep groan from him, the noise causing a pang of arousal to resonate through your entire body. You wanted to hear more, but Javi grabbed your wrist.

“So eager, babygirl. Want me to make you come again that badly?” He chuckled mockingly when you nodded. He led you to his bedroom, sitting you down on the edge of his bed with his lips latched onto yours. “Wanna feel those pretty lips around my cock.” He hummed as he unbuttoned his jeans. Your eyes widened and mouth watered as Javier took his cock out, thick and long. Obviously his jeans had hidden its actual size, you didn’t know if you’d be able to fit it inside. “Think you’ll be able to take it?”

“I’ve just never had someone as big as you, Javi.” That seemed to make him smirk with pride.

“Don’t you worry. I’ll go easy on you. First, at least.” Javier gently grabbed your chin, tilting your head up to look at him, suddenly feeling intimidated by his domineering stature; but it only turned you on even more. “You wanna suck my cock, princess?” You smiled in reply, licking your lips and leaning forwards to lick up the small bead of precum gathered on his slit, the action making him hiss softly. Making sure to keep eye contact with him, you licked the underside of his cock from base to tip, wrapping your lips around the head and suckling on it gently. “Oh, you’re a tease, huh?” You yelped as Javi grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled harshly, taking advantage of your surprise and shoving his cock in your mouth. You instantly tried to relax, sucking on him until he let out a lovely moan. “That’s it. That’s it…good girl.”

His praises and moans went straight to your core, making you even needier than before. He sounded so pretty. Even if your jaw started to ache, you wanted to keep hearing his breathless noises of pleasure. You made a pretty picture, Javier thought. Your lips and tongue around his cock, looking up at him with tears spilling out the sides of your eyes whenever he hit the back of your throat, your moans of exertion causing a delightful vibration. He wouldn’t last much longer like this. He needed to fuck you. Now.

You gasped as Javier pulled you off his dick, kissing you roughly before removing his shirt, your lips upturning in a smile as you admired his body. “Clothes off and lay back on the bed for me, sweetheart.” He ordered, and you had no problem obeying, might’ve even been a bit too eager, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Your face flushed with heat as his gaze fixed on your breasts, licking his lips and smirking. “Goddamn, you’re gorgeous, baby.” You giggled as he pounced on you, sloppily kissing you while positioning himself in between your legs.

You bit your lip as Javier rubbed his dick in between your slick folds, gasping as the head nudged your clit. “Want you inside me so bad, Javi.” You whispered, one hand cupping the side of his face and the other bracing yourself on his shoulder as he started to slowly push in. Your head fell back to the pillow beneath you with your mouth open in a moan, Javi fully sheathing himself inside your velvety walls.

“Fuck, babygirl.” Javier groaned, his brows furrowed, trying to restrain himself from plowing into you right away. He had a vice grip on your hip, while his other hand was groping your tit. “You feel so good.”

“Fuck me harder, Javi, please.” You whined, canting your hips upwards to try and get more friction, but he roughly pinned you down with his hands.

“Ain’t gonna last long if I do that.”

“I don’t care. Please.” You begged, looking up at him with your best puppy dog eyes. Javier growled as he pulled out of you, flipping you over on your front, head down and ass up, pushing himself back in your pussy harshly, setting a cruel pace. “Fuck!” You groaned, your eyes rolling to the back of your skull in a pleasured haze. He fucked you hard and slow, each thrust making you jerk and cry out every time he hit the ends of you, a loud slapping skin against skin noise echoing through his entire apartment. You’d be surprised if his neighbors didn’t come banging on his door telling you to keep it down.

“You like this better, slut?” He mocked before letting out moans of his own, the new position one of his favorites, that much you could tell.

“Yes. God, yes, Javi!” You started to prop yourself up on your elbows, but Javi pushed you back down, keeping your face pressed against the pillow.

“Keep your fuckin’ head down.” He demanded, grunting loudly with every thrust. “Anything else you wanna complain about, sweetheart?”

“Can you…can you spank me, please?” You couldn’t see him from your position, but he grinned, followed by a couple hard slaps to both your ass cheeks, making you moan in appreciation. You could tell he enjoyed spanking you, since he did it often, your skin throbbing and raw but it felt so good. His grip on your hip he used as leverage started to turn painful as opposed to the pressure it previously felt, just knowing you’d have plenty of marks afterwards, and you couldn’t wait to see the masterpiece of bruises he left on your skin in the morning.

“Fuck, babygirl, you’re making it real difficult to keep it together. I don’t think I’ll be able to last much longer.” You lifted yourself with your arms, trying to turn yourself on your back. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I wanna watch as you come.” You smiled sweetly. Now how could Javi deny you when you looked like that? He allowed you to turn over, then he sat up on his haunches and wrapped your legs around his waist. He looked so fucking angelic from this angle, looking down at you with a pleasure ridden face, the sweat coating his body making him shine, his hair disheveled and a dark look his in eyes. The sight paired with his ruthless thrusts, his cock hitting that sweet spot inside of you, made your second climax of the night get closer and closer, you could almost taste it. 

Javier watched as goosebumps rose all over your body, your nipples hardening and your walls clenching around him tightly, signaling you were close. If it weren’t for how close he was as well, he’d surely have an arrogant smirk on his face from how drunk you were getting off his cock. “You gonna come for me again, querida?”

“Yes, Javi!” You cried, your body starting to shake uncontrollably as the first shock waves of your orgasm washed over you. “Oh my god, fuck, I’m coming!”

Javier let out a strained moan as your walls pulsed around him, soaking his cock and your face contorting in pure euphoria. He couldn’t resist grabbing ahold of your hand, giving you an anchor to ground yourself as you came down from your high, additionally giving him something to hold on to as he started to reach his own climax. “Where do you want me to come?”

“Inside…” You whispered breathlessly. “Come inside me, Javi. I want it. I need it.”

Javier grunted loudly as his warm ropes of cum painted your walls, his muscles tensing and soft whimpers escaping his mouth as he stilled inside you, panting as if he’d just run a marathon. He surprised you by kissing you softly, then your chin, cheek, and finally your forehead. Much more tender than he previously was. You almost whined at the loss of contact as he laid beside you, immediately lighting a cigarette, offering you one, but you politely declined, claiming you had your own. Instead, you slightly sat up in the bed and pulled out a joint from your bag, smirking to yourself as you knew he’d throw a fit.

You took glances over at Javier as you lit up your joint, resisting the urge to laugh as his eyes widened at the smell, immediately snapping his head towards you with furrowed brows. “Are you really smoking grass in front of me right now?” He scolded. “Seriously? You lied to me.”

You smiled. “What’re gonna do? Handcuff me?”

His eyes darkened, setting down his cigarette in an ashtray and leaned over to hover above you.“I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You only replied by taking a puff of your joint and blowing the smoke in his face. You whimpered as he kissed you hard, biting your lip until he broke skin. “You know marijuana is a gateway drug?”

“Oh, shut up!” You chuckled, putting out your joint so you could focus on kissing him. “You really gonna arrest me, Javi?”

He rolled his eyes. “No, just…just don’t do it around me, alright?”

You raised a brow playfully. “Oh, so this wasn’t just a one time thing?”

He didn’t meet your gaze. “I mean, not if you want it to be. I was going to ask if you wanted to, ya know, do this again sometime?” He spoke softly, looking back up at you with a hopeful expression.

You giggled giddily, feeling like a teenager who just got asked out by your crush. The grin that stretched across Javi’s face at your reaction made your heart thump in your chest even faster. “Of course, Javi. I’d love that.”

“Good.” He smiled, kissing you one more time.

You smirked. “Hey, maybe you could use your handcuffs on me next time.”

“Whatever your heart desires, querida.”

fuck sake

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐮𝐠 𝐈𝐧 𝐌𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 - Javier Peña

"you've got me in a...CHOKE. HOOOOLD. even if it huuurts meee, even if I can't sleep. show me the waaaaaaaaayyyyy" - Chokehold, Sleep Token. Mood for my Pedro Pascal era

Summary: It seems the only way to get Javier to talk about his feelings is by having the person he cares about having a near death experience. Not the most healthy way to confess your feelings for someone, but hey, it works.

Warnings: unrequited but not actually unrequited love, inaccurate descriptions of how the DEA operates, Javier needs a therapist, bad wingman Steve, character study ish? that's mostly in Javi's POV, gun wounds and violence, hurt/comfort, whump, kinda forced proximity, eventual fluff, sexual refences but no smut this time (shocker, right?)

word count | 7.7k🤙🏻

Javier’s team had found out where one of Escobar’s men was. This was huge. If he and his team could catch him, get him to flip on his boss; he could snag the man that week.

The whole building was hustling and running around, preparing to go after this guy as soon as possible, just as soon as they got word everybody was in position. Javier’s nerves threatened to overflow, just the thought of being one step closer to catching Pablo Escobar and taking down his cartel after evading justice again and again, his body was set ablaze and his fingers twitched with excitement.

There was just one problem.

As Javier was putting on his bulletproof vest, from across the office, you caught his eye. That wasn’t abnormal in the slightest, you had always unknowingly begged for the attention of Javier’s gaze ever since he met you years ago; but this time, seeing you put an unwanted pit in his stomach. To everyone else, you looked normal, getting ready for this upcoming battle like the rest of the people on this mission. But all Javier saw was you preparing to meet your demise.

Javier wasn’t normally so nervous about things like this. In this line of work, people get hurt, some even die, that’s just what happens unfortunately. But the thought of it possibly happening to you didn’t sit right with him at all. If it was his call to make, he’d make you stay here away from all the action. You wouldn’t be in a ten mile radius of a single cartel member. But of course, that wasn’t his call to make, all he had was his convincing charm and his history with you to get you to even consider sitting out. Before thinking about it any longer, Javier started taking the steps it took to make it to your desk, the one that was always just a couple feet away from his but somehow always felt too far.

From the reluctant expression on your face as you looked up at him, Javier could already tell this conversation isn’t going to go the way he wants it to, as most conversations with you; but it was too late to back out now. “Almost ready, Peña?” Peña, always fuckin’ Peña. You made a point never to call him anything other than his last name. Though, he couldn’t blame you, not after everything he’s done to you. But it still made a tiny dagger go through his heart every time you refused to call him Javi. 

You clearing your throat awkwardly made Javier suddenly aware of how creepy he was being, just staring at you, lost in his own thoughts. He cleared his own throat to avoid any possible voice cracks or stutters before finally responding to your very simple question. “I am.”

You raised an eyebrow, a look of amusement gracing your features which Javier always found adorable and would’ve still thought that if it wasn’t for how goddamn humiliating it was to have that expression directed at his being an idiot. “That’s it? You walked over here to tell me you’re ready?” A ghost of a smirk played at your lips, your very kissable lips.

Fuck, Javi, be professional. “No.” He stuttered briefly. “No.”

“Just out with it, man, we don’t have all day.”

Javier sighed in annoyance, placing his hands on his hips and looking down at you with a frown. “Look…, we all know how dangerous this guy is-”

You scoffed, already shaking your head. “No, no, no-”

“So, I was thinking you’d be of more use here. Hold down the fort while we try to bring this guy in.” He tried to keep his heartbeat under control as you stood up from your sitting position on the top of your desk, standing at your full height, obviously trying to come off as a bit intimidating; but you weren’t, not in that way, at least. Javier was more afraid of what was about to come out of your mouth.

“Will you be staying here?” You asked, looking him straight in the eyes; he could practically see all the obscenities floating around in your head that desperately wanted to come out, but couldn’t as to be somewhat professional.

Javier sighed quietly. “No, obviously not.”

“Why not?” You shrugged nonchalantly. “If this guy is so dangerous, you should stay here too. With me. Right?”

Ignoring the butterflies swirling around in his stomach as with me kept repeating over and over in his head, he grit his teeth to mask his expression into subtle anger. “It’s different.”

You crossed your arms and leaned against your desk. “Okay, Peña, give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go on this mission.”

Peña, his thoughts screamed at him. You used to call him Javi. Because I can’t bear the thought of losing you… “Because you’d be a liability. You’d only get in the way, and we can’t afford that right now.”

“Remind me, who was one of the first women to ever get assigned this case?” You asked, trying not to sound smug as everyone in this office knew the answer to that question.

“You were…” He replied with a scowl, his words sounded pained like they were being ripped out of him.

“Exactly. So, there’s no way in hell you’re gonna keep me from trying to catch this motherfucker. Okay? I can take care of myself.” You shoved your pointer finger directly on his chest, pushing him back a tiny bit.

Javier tried to ignore Steve’s shit eating grin as he walked back over to his desk dejectedly. That fuckin’ asshole. “Shoot. I’m surprised you ain’t dead as a doornail, with the way she’s lookin’ at ya.” Steve started as soon as Javier sat back down in his creaky old chair, massaging his temples from the oncoming headache that was surely going to feel like he was being bludgeoned with a hammer. “What did you do this time, Peña?”

Javier scowled and rolled his eyes, pouring himself a drink. “I just told her, I think she’d be better off staying away from the front lines.”

Steve snorted obnoxiously. “And what? You think she’d stay here? God, Peña, you really ain’t yourself when you’re smitten.”

Javier resisted the urge to throw his glass of whiskey right at Steve’s hillbilly face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Dude, you wanna get in her pants do bad it makes you look stupid. And makes you act even stupider, no offense.”

“Offense taken. Asshole.” He growled. “And I’m not smitten. It’s just…this mission is dangerous.”

“She’s a big girl, Javi. She can take care of herself. I’m sure she told ya as much after chewing you out.” More like tearing me apart into itty bitty pieces until I was nothing but ground fuckin’ dust. “You know what you need, Javi?” Oh, this should be good. “A therapist. I’ve recently been seeing one and man, let me tell ya, there’s stuff I’ve learned about myself that I didn’t even know.” Javier laughed. Like, really laughed. “I’m serious, man. Might help you figure out those commitment issues.”

“I already have a therapist.”

Now it was Steve’s turn to laugh. “Oh, yeah? Who?” Steve’s amused grin quickly turned into an annoyed grimace as Javier held up his bottle of whiskey that read: Jack Daniels.

Nah, Javier didn’t need a goddamn therapist. He was just fine…

He was, in fact, not fine.

Javier couldn’t stop the nervous twitch in his hands as everyone filed out of the office as soon as one of their undercover officers finally gave the signal that the cartel member was in place, rushing to the trucks to get to the place in town as soon as possible. He gave one last glance over to you as you got into a different truck that was going to be part of the surrounding force to make sure the member couldn’t escape. Honestly, Javier would’ve felt better if you were on his team instead, but things just didn’t work out that way. You’d be fine…you were going to be fine.

The drive over felt like forever when in reality it was probably around a few minutes. Javier knew he never should’ve talked to you before this mission, conversations with you always put him on edge, for various reasons. But he also knew he’d curse himself later if he didn’t try to talk you out of it once. Now, he couldn’t stop thinking about all the possible outcomes of this attempted arrest. What would happen if they fail? What would happen if this cartel member had a machine gun on him? What would happen if, god forbid, you get shot and killed? Would Javi be able to live with himself?

God, I’m so fucking stupid.

Javier couldn’t escape the onslaught of memories that flashed through his mind, each one causing a heat to rise to his face and guilt chew at him from the inside out. 

It was only several months ago that you confessed your attraction to him. The office was celebrating a recent successful mission and people were drinking. You had gotten drunk, Javier being a little buzzed. You both did teasing dances around each other ever since you met, but Javier never thought you’d want to take things further. But with a few shots loosening your tongue, you told Javi that you really liked him. You loved dancing, but your legs were threatening to give out in exhaustion if Javi kept spinning you around in his little tango. You were gorgeous, of course, but Javier didn’t really know what to say and you noticed that. For a drunk person, you were very astute.

It’s not that Javier wasn’t attracted to you, he was, very much so. He enjoyed your company, he loved the back and forth that seemed to come so naturally to the two of you, he could actually imagine dating you and maybe even more. But Javier didn’t date, not anymore. He fucked. He had one night stands. He didn’t have time for dating. He didn’t have commitment issues, he was just…okay, he was afraid. Javier wasn’t afraid of much. He was a DEA agent, he got shot at on a regular basis, putting his life on the line every day to keep drugs off the streets. And yet, somehow, you managed to be the one thing he’s scared of the most and he can’t even tell you why.

Your face when he turned you down would be forever etched into his mind. It wasn’t even noticeable, it was a split second of sadness crossing your features that he almost missed it. But he didn’t. Every smile you ever gave him, your flustered expression whenever he flirted with you a bit too hard, all burned away by that one subtle despondent look. It sobered you up pretty quickly. You said you didn’t take it to heart, that you understood and apologizing if you made things awkward. He was your carpool that night, so the ride home was…tense, to put it lightly. You lived in the same apartment building, hence the carpool, but you lived a floor up. Javier thought about walking you to your apartment, like he usually would do just to spend that extra time with you when he didn’t have to, but he just couldn’t. Little by little, that mask of nonchalant withered away as you got more tired, unable or just unwilling to keep up the façade. Javi couldn’t look at you anymore, not if he wanted his heart to stay intact. His friendship with you would never be the same after that night. 

He fucked up. He really fucked up. But he thought it was the best response at the time. He couldn’t get into any type of relationship, much less with a coworker. How unprofessional is that? How stupid would he be, in this line of work, to potentially put a target on your back by being someone he cares about? But of course, the way you slowly distanced yourself from him after his rejection made the wall he built around his heart melt away like acid and he couldn’t stop himself from caring about you even if he tried. And try, he did. He kept telling himself it was for the best. Even when you stopped carpooling with him to work, he tried not to care. Every time he felt jealous when he noticed someone else flirting with you, he told himself coworkers don’t feel the urge to put thirteen bullets into another person’s skull just by smiling at you. Because that’s all you were and would ever be: a coworker.

A coworker.

A coworker.

But coworkers can care about each other’s well being and want what’s best for them though, right?

…fuck.

Javier was losing it. He was fuckin’ losing it, and at a time like this? When he was about to try to catch a highly dangerous criminal? At a time where he was being counted on? No. He couldn’t think about you now. He cleared his mind. All images of your face were being shot out of his brain by a M16 assault rifle, just in time for the trucks to arrive at their destination.

The cartel member tried his best to escape, shooting plenty of rounds at every officer and agent that came into view. But it was proven all for nothing, for him and the police. The motherfucker shot himself before they could arrest him. Of course. They could never catch a fuckin’ break, could they?

Everyone was in low spirits, some now spiritless. To think, being in this field for so long that Javier might get used to seeing the dead bodies. To a point, but he couldn’t help but frown when he saw the lifeless faces of people he knew, people he worked with. Hijo de puta, Javier wishes that cartel member was still alive so he could torture information out of him himself. He’d get over it, same as everyone else. But Javier found himself a secret weapon that always made him feel better after a mission went wrong, he’d just look at you, safe, and all stress would leave him in that moment to know that you made it out alive at least. It was so secret that Javi didn’t even know he did that, not until he tried searching for you after the dust cleared and everything settled down a little bit. Steve was with you, so you’d be easy to find. All he had to do was look for a bright blonde redneck sore thumb.

Javier’s frown deepened when he found Steve, only to not find you standing with him. The look on Steve’s face as he saw Javi coming didn’t bode well either. Where were you? “Javi.” Steve acknowledged in a soft voice…way too soft.

Javier looked around before fixing his gaze on Steve’s downcast expression. He was just upset about the mission failing, right? “Where is she?” He didn’t even have to say your name, anyone who knew Javier would immediately know who he was talking about. Steve sighed heavily, unable to meet his gaze. Javier burst like a dam, scowling and enraged, pulling Steve to him by his collar roughly. “Where is she?” He yelled, forcing the man to make eye contact with him.

“Javi, Javi, calm down.” Steve pleaded, placing his hands on his shoulders to try and soothe him. “She got shot, but she’s gonna be fine. Okay? She’s on her way to the hospital right now.”

Javier’s heart jumped into his throat, making his next words come out shaky and desperate. “Drive me there. Now.”

“But Javi, we gotta-”

“Now!” There was no arguing with Javier whenever he got this way, this angry, this violent. Steve would’ve had better luck fighting a bear.

Javier almost punched Steve when he kept giving him worried glances as he drove. Javi could not keep still. His hands were twitching, his leg was bouncing, he bit the dead skin on his fingertips, and when he started biting the not so dead flesh, he moved on to his lips, which wasn’t much better. It didn’t take but a minute until he tasted copper spreading across his tongue. Anything, he was doing anything to keep himself from screaming, resorting to pulling at his hair. No, there was no way you were leaving him like this. Steve said you’d be fine, but Javi didn’t even know where you got shot, he didn’t know how deep the bullet wounds were or if you were already being treated in the ambulance. He didn’t fucking know. God, please, he just wants to hear you call him Javi again. He doesn’t even care if you say it how you say his last name, full of annoyance and resentment, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters until he sees you alive in a hospital bed.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Steve all but had to hold Javier back as he tried to check in, the impatient attitude and short fuse threatening to get them kicked out. Besides, it’s not like they could visit you now, you were still in surgery and it would take another hour or so before you’d get out. Javier could tell Steve just wanted to yell at him, say some stupid phrase like “hold your darn tootin’ horses” or some bullshit like that. Javier didn’t want to wait, he wanted to see you. He didn’t want to sit in some uncomfortable plastic chair for an hour not knowing if you were okay or not. So he stood, and he paced. He paced and paced until his legs started to wobble. He would stay here, he would stay all night if he had to. There was no way he was going home without seeing you. But in actuality, he wouldn’t have to wait that long.

It was only an hour and some change until the doctor finally came out into the waiting room, Javier and Steve shooting up from their chairs instantly. “She’s okay. The bullet didn’t go too deep into the abdomen and we managed to remove it without doing any more damage. We’ll keep her here for about a week and then we can send her home if there aren’t any more complications. She’s still under anesthesia but it’s wearing off now, so she should be awake soon. We’ll let you know when she’s ready to see you.”

“We can’t see her now?” Javier almost growled, causing Steve to place his hand on his shoulder before turning to the, quite frankly, startled doctor.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Such bullshit.” Javi grumbled under his breath, sitting down in the same seat, not even standing up long enough before his ass stopped tingling from being numb. His back hurt like a bitch, and his joints felt all stiff. God, he hated hospitals. 

“Don’t worry, Javs, you’ll be able to see your girlfriend soon.”

“Shut the fuck up, Murphy. She’s not my fuckin’ girlfriend.”

Steve wasn’t phased by his hostility, only shrugging with a smirk. “But you want her to be.”

Javier groaned, running his hands over his face as his headache came back in full force. “Now, Murphy? You wanna have this conversation now?”

“If not now, when?”

“Never.”

“Exactly.” Javier rolled his eyes, wringing his hands together and avoiding eye contact with the other man. “You like her, man. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. You know, before I met Connie, I never thought I wanted a girlfriend either, much less a wife. I thought I’d be…tied down, I guess. I wanted the freedom to do whatever I wanted. But now…I can’t imagine life without her.”

I already can’t imagine a life without her… “She’s our coworker.”

“Hey, you can’t help who you fall in love with, man.” Javier cringed at the word love. He wasn’t in love with you. Yeah, keep telling yourself that, pendejo, his inner thoughts told him. “As far as I can tell, and I do have better vision than you, I think she feels the same way.” Oh, buddy, you have no idea. “I say go for it. We get this extremely short life once, a chance of it being even shorter in our line of work, you can’t take things for granted and you can’t risk missing out on something that can be beautiful.”

Javier looked over at Steve with a raised brow. “Getting wifed up has made you way more sentimental, man.”

Steve shrugged. “But you know it’s true.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“You know what, this conversation is making me miss my wife. Let me know how this whole thing goes, okay? Seriously. I care about her too.” And with that, Steve took off, leaving Javier alone with his thoughts, along with the occasional cough or sneeze from other waiting room patients. But other than that, deadly silent. One of the things Javi hates most about hospitals. The silence. The people waiting to hear if their loved ones have survived or not, or waiting to see if they live or die themselves. It reeked of death and he thought: you don’t belong here. You’d never belong here. This place isn’t lively enough for your standards. You shined most working with other people, making others feel at ease with your attitude, caring and compassionate, one of the reasons you even got into this job in the first place. You cared about what happened to people, and you wanted the best for everyone. Maybe that’s why Javier was so drawn to you, ever the pessimist, your light was like a breath of fresh air. Being in the DEA hardened him as a person, seeing the worst in people almost on a daily basis, it can make a person jaded. But you never let the stuff you see change who you were; you still loved, you still cared, you still tried to find the fun in any situation and Javi admired you for that, not that he’d ever admit it.

“She’s ready to see you now.” The doctor’s voice knocked Javier out of his thoughts, his reminiscence being replaced by nervous eagerness.

It was only then, a few steps away from entering your hospital room, that Javier realized he was still clad in his bulletproof vest. He hadn’t gone home to wash off the light splatters of blood or his sweat coated body, and his hair was a tousled bird’s nest. He surely looked like a hot mess. But then he started to wonder when he ever got nervous about his appearance. Jesus, you really fucked him up. He couldn’t help but fix his hair a little before entering your room, hopefully managing to pat down some wild curls. But the smile on your face as he finally came into view told him he didn’t look as bad as he thought. That smile also pierced right through his hardened exterior, a breath of relief when he saw that you were okay.

“Hey, stranger.” You spoke lazily, clearly still a little loopy from the anesthesia.

Javier took a seat next to your bed, looking you over and frowning when he saw all the tubes attached to you. You could’ve lost her…

“Where’s Steve? The doctor said he was with you?”

She’s asking about Murphy when I’m right here? “Oh, he uh, went home, to make sure Connie knows he’s okay. He did want to see you though.”

“Yeah, I believe it. You should’ve seen the look on his face when that bullet got me. I’ve never seen him so scared shitless.” You chuckled. Again, always finding humor in a situation even when you literally got shot. It almost infuriated him, but the mental image of Steve freaking out did make him smirk a little.

“How are you feeling?”

You shrugged. “Tired. No, I'm exhausted. Who knew getting shot would make you wanna sleep for a week?”

“Are you hurting at all?”

“Just a little sore. They’ve got me on a shitload of painkillers right now, so I’m unlikely to feel anything at the moment. Embarrassment, however, I do feel.”

Javier furrowed his brows. “Why would you ever feel embarrassed? You got fuckin’ shot.”

“Exactly. I told you I could take care of myself and yet, here I am.” You huffed. “I never thought this would happen to me. I guess…I just got too comfortable.”

Before he could stop himself, Javier reached out to place his hand over yours, almost gasping when he felt how cold your skin was. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed, okay? You’re alive, that’s all that matters. Some of us don’t get so lucky. I’m relieved.”

He didn’t miss the subtle flustered expression on your face. “Oh…so, you’re not gonna say I told you so?” You smiled weakly.

Javier grinned. “Well, I can’t exactly say that when you’re laying in a hospital bed.”

“Eh, you could. You’d just be a massive asshole. But then again, you already are.” He knew it was just a joke, but it was true. He was an asshole, especially to you. Maybe it was the medication you were on, but he had no idea why you were being so friendly to him. If he were rejected by someone he likes, then that person proceeded to talk down to him when they were annoyed, he’d have little kind words to say. In fact, he was surprised you weren’t currently punching him in the face. You frowned, and Javier wanted to curse himself for giving his feelings away. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “No, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s-”

“Visiting hours are over.” A nurse interrupted, rather rudely.

You both frowned. Javier nodded to the nurse as he reluctantly let go of your hand, giving you a double take at the door, imprinting the image of you weakly waving goodbye with a small smile on your face to memory so he had something to hold onto before the next visit.

The week went by way too slow. Not even a week. You were recovering really well, so the doctors cleared you to go home sooner than expected. Javier found himself being anxious all the time, even at home after work was over. He drank a bit more than usual, until Steve came over one night and saw the state of his apartment and quickly intervened. He’d never admit this, but Javier was thankful for his partner. He was a good man, he supposed that’s why he made such a good DEA agent.

Javier had implicitly volunteered to be the one to look out for you when you were allowed back home, since you two lived in the same apartment building. Couldn’t really have been anyone else, and he wanted to. He wasn’t there for you when you got shot, but he sure as hell could be there when you recovered. Though, after a long conversation, you both decided it would be best that you stayed in his apartment until you could walk around on your own. The doctor had put you on a strict bedrest regime, to make sure you didn’t tear any stitching and reopen the wound. You lived alone, so staying with Javier just seemed like the most logical choice. Though, it put him in a near stupor.

Javier never cleaned so much in his life. He wanted everything to be perfect, nothing out of place and he’d be damned if there was even one speck of dust on any surface. It only increased his anxiety to the point he almost considered punching a hole into his wall. It’d be okay, he told himself, you were just staying until you could walk. That wouldn’t take that long. Yeah, he could do this. He could be professional while being in close proximity with you for more than the usual work hours. You’re fucked, man.

Steve helped drop you off at your apartments after picking you up from the hospital. Javier quickly put out the cigarette he was smoking as he heard the knock on the door, opening it to see you in a wheelchair with Steve behind you. “Someone order a damaged DEA agent?” He joked, only to get a slap on the arm from you. “Bad joke, sorry.” He coughed nervously, Javier stepping away so he could push the wheelchair inside. “Anyway, take real good care of her now.” He winked, earning a glare from Javier. “Alright, I’ll be going now.”

“Idiot…” Javier mumbled, earning a quiet giggle from you. Thankfully, Javier had a spare bedroom that he never used. He mostly used it as a storage room but cleaned it up a little and bought an extra mattress to use for the time being, while he insisted you stay in his own bedroom. “Sorry, it’s not much.” He spoke as he helped you to his bed.

“Don’t worry, it’s great.” You huffed as you laid yourself down, a small wince on your face. The doctor had been weaning you off the pain meds, so you weren’t the most comfortable. “Thanks again for letting me stay here until I get my bearings. I really appreciate it.”

Javier shook his head. “No problem. Just, uh, let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you…Javi.” You spoke softly as he turned to exit the room.

He almost ran into the door as soon as you said that, his heart fluttering inside his ribcage. He closed his eyes briefly to just savor the sound of your voice when you finally said his first name, finally after so long. He knew it was just out of appreciation, but he could take the little victories. He stiffly nodded before closing the door on his way out, letting out a sharp exhale when he got to his living room. How was he going to survive you staying with him for a couple weeks when he gets flustered within just a couple minutes around you in general? He hated to admit, but Steve was right. 

Javi was fuckin’ smitten.

With this newfound acceptance, Javier found himself just standing at the island in his kitchen doing nothing but blankly staring into space. You were here. You were safe. You were just in the other room. And yet, Javier was itching to go back and make sure you were doing alright, even though, logically, he knew you were probably just sleeping. He noticed the dark circles under your eyes and figured it was difficult trying to find any sort of peace inside a hospital. He knew he wouldn’t, but then again, he always had trouble sleeping. Even more so after you got shot.

For the first time in a while, the nightmares he was plagued with actually got to him. It wasn’t like all the other times he was shot or stabbed, betraying his own department, or Pablo always managing to escape when he was just within reach (although, that was more reality bleeding into his dreams). He almost always saw the dead bodies of the people he’s killed, especially the innocent ones. But then he started to see you.

It was always the same. You were calling out for Javier, begging for help. He ran to you, but it was like he was trying to run through mud or quicksand. He tried so hard to get to you before you were shot, but he was always too late. As soon as he reached you, you were already dying in his arms. Over and over again. To think those dreams would’ve stopped once you were home from the hospital, but nope. He went to sleep that night waking up in a similar cold sweat and racing heart. He almost couldn’t bear to look at you, guilt eating away at him even though it wasn’t his fault. He absolutely hated the fact he still had to go into work. This mission was put on hold for no one, not even you.

He was always anxious at work, to the point everyone noticed. He still did his job, but his eyes were vacant and it seemed anything he did was just instinct. He just kept thinking what if you needed him and he wasn’t there to help you? It didn’t bother Javier that everything figured out his affection for you, it was bound to happen sooner or later. He just hoped it didn’t get back to you before he could tell you himself.

But after he came home, he went back to his old behaviors. It’s true what people say: habits die hard. He did attempt to act more warm and accommodating, for both your sakes. But he made sure to never cross that line of professionalism. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or be forced into a situation when you were practically still dependent on him to move around. He didn’t want to cross any unspoken boundary. No, he’d keep his feelings to himself a bit longer. After you can walk on your own, or maybe even after you come back to work…or maybe when the mission is over and Pablo is dead or behind bars.

But after another gruesome nightmare, Javier got into the habit of peeking into your (his) bedroom. Just to make sure you were still there. Even when his nightmares mellowed out, he still did it. He even started to sit by your bed and just watch you sleep peacefully. God, he felt like such a creep. And what was it he said about boundaries?

Javier thought he’d just stay quiet, pretend like he never memorized every part of your face as you slept. Like how he noticed your nose twitched like a bunny sometimes, or how your lips pulled into a tiny and almost unnoticeable smile. But of course, he couldn’t do that forever. You started to be able to move around on your own, albeit extremely carefully. But still, that just meant you could go back to your own apartment soon…

Javier had a really bad dream that night after seeing you take baby steps into the living room, a giant smile on your face as you finally were able to do things yourself. And of course, it was the same exact dream. He went to your bedroom right after, anxious to see your peacefully sleeping form that would instantly calm him, only to find you whimpering and slightly stirring in your sleep. Ah, so he wasn’t the only one plagued by nightmares.

He thought about leaving you alone, letting you wake up on your own, but when he heard you whispering mumbled “nos” and “stops” with tears trailing down your cheeks, he couldn’t just let you suffer.

After a brief moment of hesitation, Javier slowly sat down next to you, brushing a hand over your cheek delicately, the action only slightly stirring you. “Hey, sweetheart.” Fuck, the name just came out naturally. He’s so glad that it didn’t wake you. He called your name, gently shaking your shoulder until you shot up with wide eyes, winding back your fist to punch him before he caught it. “Hey, hey, it’s me. It’s me.”

You slowly relaxed, bringing your hands down with an exhale. “Javi…” You whispered his name like a prayer, like you almost couldn’t believe he was actually there with you.

“Must’ve been some nightmare.” Javier guessed, and you winced.

“Was…was I loud?”

“You were crying in your sleep…” He didn’t really answer your question, it was true, but Javier never would’ve heard you if he wasn’t creeping around your room in the first place.

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I usually don’t get nightmares like this.”

“What were you dreaming about?” Javier could’ve probably guessed, and from the expression on your face when you looked at him, he was right.

“I haven’t had nightmares about it before. Not even the nights right after. I don’t know.” You shrugged. “I guess…my theory, now that I can walk around without tearing myself apart, I guess that means I can go back to my apartment. And I'm glad I’m better. It’s just, you’ve been so kind and made me feel safe here, and the thought of having to live all alone again, even if I know you’re just downstairs…” You shook your head, curling in on yourself in embarrassment.

“Then…you can stay here a bit longer.” That felt like a confession, to Javier anyway. And he almost regretted saying it until…

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t do that to you. I know you’ve been counting down the days until I could handle walking myself again.”

Javi furrowed his brows, his heart dropping to his stomach. “What? I haven’t-”

“I’ve made things awkward, Javi. I know that. I know I haven’t been handling that whole rejection thing very well, but I’m trying, okay? I really am trying.” You sighed. “I never should’ve told you then, but I figured, you can get over a person a lot quicker if you just confessed early on. I’m sorry but, it hasn’t been working much. That’s not your fault, of course, it’s my problem. Living with you these past couple weeks have not made it any easier though.” You chuckled bitterly, wiping away a few shed tears as soon as they fell over your cheeks, making Javier’s heart clench painfully. “God, I’m such an idiot.” You whispered to yourself.

Javier exhaled shakily, turning away from you, looking down at the floor. “You remember back at the hospital, you called me an asshole?”

“It was a joke, and I apologized, Peña.”

Javier winced at the sound of his last name. No. No, no, no, he was not going to go through this. Not again. Just swallow your pride for once, man. “I didn’t get to finish what I was gonna say back then, 'cause that bitch nurse told me I had to leave.” He growled.

You chuckled weakly. “And what were you going to say?”

Now or never, right?

“I was gonna say you’re right. I am. An asshole. I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.”

You made a confused noise. “What’re you talking about?”

Goddamn it. “I’ve been an asshole to you since that night…”

You sighed. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Peña. I get it.”

“Please, just let me talk.” He begged, and Javier never begged. The pleading look in his eyes finally got you to shut your mouth. His heart was racing. He thought about taking a deep breath but he was just afraid it would turn into hyperventilating, so not helpful. “Sorry, I’m no good at this. Talking. Damn it…” He whispered. “Fuck it, I like you, alright?” He spat, sounding more angry than he meant.

“W-What?” You stuttered, suddenly sounding much more awake and sitting up against your pillows.

“You heard me.”

“I did, I just…” You shook your head. “I don’t understand. Are you saying this to…mess with me or something?”

“No. No, I’m not. I mean, I’m-” Javier groaned in frustration. He wasn’t used to this, he never really did this, talk about his emotions. He didn’t know it would be this hard. Man, maybe he did need a therapist. He flinched when you placed your hand on his shoulder, but you didn’t pull away.

“Hey, it’s okay, Javi.” You spoke softly when you noticed how on edge he was. “Calm down. Just take a deep breath.” He did as he was told, for once. Taking deep breaths while focusing on the heat radiating from you, using it to ground himself before he even tried talking again.

“When Steve told me you were shot…” He stuttered shakily, his voice betraying him. “I feared the worst. I thought…I thought there was a chance I’d never see you again.”

You frowned, your bottom lip trembling. “Oh, Javi, come here.” You pulled him to you, allowing his head to rest on your shoulder, gently running your hand through his hair while your other hand guided his hand to rest over the pulse point on your neck. “I’m safe. I’m alive. See? I’m not gonna be so reckless again, I promise.”

Javier closed his eyes, snuggling further onto your neck, breathing in your calming scent, spurring him to keep talking. “I thought that I didn’t want to be with anyone. I convinced myself that I don’t need anyone but me…then I got to know you and I started to realize, I’d rather give up this case than see you get hurt. That night you told me how you felt, I thought I was sparing you. But I was just afraid, a coward. The truth is…I fuckin’ need you.” From where his hand was laying on your neck, Javi could feel your pulse quicken. He called out your name in concern, more of hesitance. He finally lifted his head to look at you, immediately noticing the tears in your eyes but a bashful smile on your face.

Letting go of his restraint and not worrying about the consequences for once, Javier surged forward, capturing your lips with his. The little gasp that came from you was probably one of the cutest sounds he’s ever heard, besides your laugh. Your lips were so soft, moving against his languidly. He smiled into the kiss as he felt you rake your hands through his hair, bringing his body to yours as close as humanly possible. Javier wasn’t the best with words, but this he knew how to do. He tried to pour every single emotion he had for you into this kiss: adoration, care, frenzied lust, and maybe even love. The only reason he finally pulled away is because he heard you wince.

Oh, he’d pressed against you too hard and put some pressure on your stitching. Damn it, of course, your first kiss with her and you have to fuck it up somehow.

“I’m so sorry.” He spoke, panicked, wildly looking over your expression to make sure you weren’t in any more pain.

You shook your head with a grin, a mildly dazed gleam in your eyes. “You’re okay. You’re more than okay.”

“I got…a little carried away.” He blushed, having to forcefully put a little bit of distance between you. “God, I’ve thought about doing that for so long.” He admitted.

You smirked, trying to cover up your nervousness. “Did it live up to your expectations?”

More than you could ever know. 

“I probably should’ve asked this before I kissed you, but…do you wanna go out with me sometime?” He didn’t know why he sounded so nervous, like you’d ever say no, but he didn’t know that. His body untensed as you gave him the most bright smile he’d ever seen from you.

“Of course, Javi.” Javi, Javi, Javi. The beautiful sound repeated in his mind.

“Say my name again, please.” You leaned forward to kiss him again, repeating it after you broke apart. He never thought his name could sound more alluring than when you said it. God, he wanted to absolutely ravish you, but he’d never risk hurting you. He was a patient man, he could wait, however long you needed. He was already planning it in his mind. He wasn’t the most romantic, but rose petals did come into mind, making him chuckle to himself. “I guess I’ll…let you get back to sleep now.”

Javier moved to stand from your bed, but you stopped him by grabbing onto his wrist. “Would it be too much if I asked you to stay?” Your best puppy dog eyes were on full display, making his heart swell. He could never say no to that face.

“Mi tesoro…” Javi whispered as you both settled in for the rest of the night, him laying on his back while you leaned your head against his chest, a protective arm wrapped around you. Yeah, he could get used to this, especially with you. The both of you fell fast asleep pretty quickly. And what d’ya know? He didn’t have another nightmare after that.

You decided to stay at his apartment for a little while longer. Well, it was more of an insistence from Javier. He was almost always on you like a leech, but he never heard you complain. From the constant stream of giggles and smiles you threw his way, Javi was pretty sure you enjoyed his company. Now that the tension finally broke, it was back to how it used to be between you, only more intensified. That damned gunshot wound was the only wall between you, but that wall wound was broken soon enough. Of course, when that happened, you also had to get back to work, which you were missing greatly. You wanted to catch Escobar just as much as everyone else, so you were ecstatic to get back on the case.

Javier tried his best not to helicopter you around, he knew if someone was doing that to him he’d want to claw their eyes out. He gave you your space, but that anxiety came back in full force whenever they’d try to make an arrest. From then on, you were always right by Javier’s side whenever the guns had to come out. Maybe he was overprotective, but he didn’t care; he needed you safe.

It wasn’t really a shock to anyone that you and Javier got together. Some even made bets, which infuriated him. Steve was the worst about it, teasing Javi whenever he got the chance. At least no one teased you, not that anyone would be stupid enough to try.

As the team had gotten word about where one of Pablo’s men were hiding out, the station started to shift into that similar tension, much too similar to that day you were shot. Javier felt like he was going to have a panic attack. But at this point, you had been around each other so constantly that you developed a sort of sixth sense to whatever he was feeling. You didn’t hesitate to grab his hand, bringing it up so his palm could cup your cheek. “Hey, we’re gonna be fine.” Javier forced himself to nod. “You’ve got my back?”

He cracked a smile. “Of course I do, cariño.” 

Javier leaned down to kiss you passionately, taking you by surprise. PDA in the workplace wasn’t really strictly forbidden, but it was common courtesy not to lock lips with your partner. But Javi didn’t care, he needed you when he needed you. 

No one was going to take that away from him.  No one was going to take you away from him. Never again.

like i said...chokehold. he has too much power. someone save me.