Jin Fics - Tumblr Posts

...𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙨...

━ type: bts x gn! reader ━ masterlist

━ about: fluff, angst, crack (tiny smut) - the holy trinity/quartet? ━ pictures taken from Pinterest

━ a/n: soulmates are my favourite trope cause of low self-esteem, I hope it is yours as well. The trope, not the issues.

NAMJOON: As it stands to reason, Namjoon knew it was an overcapitalized natural phenomenon with an actual success rate of only 52%. Having just a little over half meant that a whole 47% with a margin error of 1% of the entire world nor had, nor wanted any dealings with soulmates. But even so, he couldn't entirely stop the blush of whimsical fancy whenever thinking of them.

He was, for now at least, documented as an "awaiting registry" in the K-SSA (Korean Soulmate System Association) and all that was needed - time. Often, he daydreamed of his perfect partner with their perfect life much like numerous others, not really festering any bloom of hope and yet -!

Yet he couldn't feel like he was profoundly dunked on by the universe itself as 24 seconds ago writing appeared on his forearm when none had touched it. In a thin, illegible font it said one word and one word only.

𝒸𝑜𝒸𝓀.

He looked away, wiped at it absent-mindedly but as it was not ink, it did not stain. Right. Okay.

Deciding to squash all thoughts and sensations related to his soulmate he moved on with his life telling no one of this discovery. But the dam once unleashed did not cease and never, ever did it wield any sign of intelligence. On top of that, his soulmate seemed to be a perpetual cheat - math, language, history. In a terrible shorthand, Namjoon suddenly found himself abhorrently acquainted with someone's educational curriculum. However, the proverbial chariot finally broke when jet-lagged and sleep-deprived Namjoon could only helplessly watch as word by word, with painstaking accuracy, the dreaded sprawl appeared.

"𝒜𝒸𝒸𝑜𝓇𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝓁𝒶𝓌𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝒶𝓋𝒾𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃, 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜 𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶 𝒷𝑒𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒻𝓁𝓎. 𝐼𝓉𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓈𝓂𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝒻𝒶𝓉 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒷𝑜𝒹𝓎 𝑜𝒻𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹. 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒, 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒, 𝒻𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓌𝒶𝓎."

Having had quite enough of this strange dumbass, he grabbed a sharpie and crossed out the stupid words with one bold, black stroke. A profound moment of silence followed suit and inadvertently Namjoon wondered whether they were sitting still, in some corner of the world seized by an unseen fright of the truly terrifying reality that one is not truly alone anymore. But no such thing happened as a cool and collected reply soon followed.

"𝒪𝒽 𝒸𝑜𝑜𝓁! :𝒟"

Possessing no desire to waste any more time, Namjoon leapt straight to the point.

"You're annoying."

"𝒴𝑒𝓈, 𝓈𝑜 𝐼'𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝑜𝓁𝒹 :)"

Floundering at what to say further, he sat frozen for a good while his soulmate seized the opportunity in which to continue.

"𝒴𝑒𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝒾𝓃𝒻𝑒𝒸𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝒸𝓀𝓇𝑜𝒶𝒸𝒽."

And even faster as if in a hurried panic, they added.

"𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝐼'𝓂 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔."

"Learning curse words?"

If he had a single atom of a gracious painter in his body, he'd draw a heavily disapproving grimace.

"𝒲𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒶𝓁 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌𝓁𝑒𝒹𝑔𝑒?"

Alright. In what was almost deja vu, Namjoon turned off the light and went to sleep. This was a lot to endure.

The scribbling didn't stop and Namjoon ignored the odd question directed at him, though with a peculiarly heavy heart. Sometimes he had only half the presence of mind and attempted to write something back but always caught his own hand mid-stroke. Life with him would not be easy. And also you were still strangers. Despite the riveting romance stories of the airport stalls, it was not that easy to breach the gap. In fact, it was even more difficult. If two people met in ordinary ways in ordinary circumstances, they could head in any direction they wanted, without the knowledge of "what if". But the only thing Namjoon knew for certain was the "what if". What if he never meets you? What if he screws it up? That would fill him with bitter regret for the rest of his life. But it wasn't until a more sombre message to which he woke up, that he couldn't stay away anymore.

"𝐼'𝓂 𝑔𝓇𝒶𝒹𝓊𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔. 𝒯𝑜𝒹𝒶𝓎. 𝒟𝒾𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼'𝓂 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻."

Then after a while.

"𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓇𝑒."

And despite Namjoon being in the middle of the interview, he dished out the pen from his pocket which he may or may have not been carrying this whole time and hastily traced back.

"I care. I'm proud of you as well."

Pause.

"Soulmate ;)"

YOONGI: His pulse was drumming against the skin of his neck, choking down the next breath. No matter how many times he skimmed through the small space no sudden stranger or even a ghost appeared. Nevertheless it didn't change the fact that he was hearing voices.

Yoongi slapped a hand over his own ear as though that was the problem. The conversation persisted.

"No, I don't know, Maeve," the disembodied voice continued in a sigh. "If they wanted to ask, they would have long ago, right?"

Licking his lips, Yoongi croaked a feeble -

"Hello?"

The mysterious stranger fell deathly mute and with eardrums straining to the point of pain, he could vaguely gather they were afraid as Yoongi himself was shocked into a similar stupor not a moment ago. They must think he was the ghost. And though Yoongi didn't know for certain, he supposes that he just might have found his soulmate.

He had spent his whole life counting himself into the 47%. Having neither proclivity for, nor signs of a formed bond, he simply ran with the statistics. 47% of the world was a great number of people and Yoongi was quite content with what or whom he had. So in a manner which thousands must have asked along with him today, he thought "shit, what now?"

Days later, clutching the twin "pending" forms of the K-SSA and I-SSA, he decided to speak. Maybe his soulmate won't like him anyway.

"Hello?" he utters into the empty space of his apartment feeling a tad foolish but bulldozing his way through it "Are you there?"

With a bated breath, he waits then at last -

"Yes, hello."

Yoongi coughs and with an orchestrated indifference states the obvious.

"We must be soulmates."

"Yeah," comes a similarly dispassionate reply. "Though I did think you were a demon."

He snorts in a muted amusement.

"What's your name?"

"______________. Yours?"

His brain errors. Even if a soulmate, he couldn't just freely divulge his persona willy-nilly, so to speak. Being a soulmate didn't prohibit anyone from inflicting harm. The morning news was plenty of affirmation.

"Oh...um...August."

In the five-second span in which no response followed, he could feel just how much you didn't believe him.

"August?" dryly, you echo.

"Yeah, my parents were hippies."

He goes to sit down on the sofa, sinking into it whilst awkwardly clapping his hands.

"Are you a seal?"

He glances down at his hands.

"You can hear that?"

"Yes. Weird isn't it."

Another pregnant pause followed suit.

"So soulmates," he drawled in deep thought. "You're uh...interested in that?"

If he focused enough he could hear a pen clacking against a thick notebook. You must be studying or in an office space. Or simply sitting and tapping away the pen to alleviate nerves.

"I...I'm not quite sure," you answer truthfully. "I haven't agonized over it and I've been busy and..."

You exhale shakily.

"And to be completely frank...I got into a relationship. Yesterday."

Well, that's just on brand, Yoongi thought sourly.

"I'm sorry, August."

He chuckled. You actually sounded sincere. And something in the apologetic lilt of your tone made his heart soften. At entirely the wrong time.

"Don't worry about it. Not your fault."

"Are...are you in a relationship?"

He licks his dry lips and pushes the forms further away and across the coffee table.

"Yeah," he lies. "So it's all fine."

He once again thinks you're a ghost, blinking blearily at your soft voice shaking the still air of the night. Years have passed and he realized that he sort of has missed the sound of your voice.

"August?" you asked timidly in the middle of the night. "Are you still there?"

He rubs his eyes.

"Yes. Hello."

"Hi."

An awkward tension wavers.

"What are you up to?"

"Can't sleep," he mumbles, rubbing now repeatedly his tired eyes. "Insomnia."

"Oh, sorry to hear that."

"Do you always apologize for everything?" he crosses his arms, resting on the pillow like a normal person would whilst talking next to someone in the bed.

"A little bit," you laugh demurely. "You know, I submitted my form and the I-SSA replied back."

He sobered up at that, the faint migraine from the lack of rest pounding a little harder as his breath caught in his throat.

"Don't worry, they were very strict and revealed to me nothing."

"Sorry about that," he couldn't help but sigh however you didn't seem to mind.

"Do you always apologize for everything?" you laughed and he did too.

"Just about this," now slightly soothed he settled deeper into the covers. "What about your...partner?"

"Oh," immediately your voice became angry. "Dumped them. Cheated on me."

"What a fucking prick," Yoongi scoffed.

"Enough about them. Try to sleep, okay?"

You were nothing but a stranger. A stranger talking into his head which not so long ago would have guaranteed him four walls and complete isolation. Yet still, he listened. Found the request, not an order but a nagging sweet sentiment of taking better care. He didn't mind it, and neither did he mind you talking. In fact, the migraine was peculiarly retreating,

"What are you watching?" he asked curiously. Through the winded gaps in your voice and the rustle of the Seoul traffic outside, he could piece together some fragments of what resembled 90's tv show music. "Sounds like old porn."

Abruptly, you burst into a fit of loud laughter and then just as abruptly fell quiet.

"Sorry...no one has joked with me for a very long time," you quietly admitted and something in his chest began to sting.

"You have a nice laugh," with a faint blush, he praised shyly. "Don't you have friends to joke around with? Maeve?"

If you found it odd, he knew the name of your friend, still remembering it from that faint first bond years ago now, you didn't remark on it and he was better for it. Yoongi really didn't need to feel any more of a creep than he had, always chiding himself for being this obsessive over those few minutes of conversation. It seemed that he was not so indifferent about the soulmate thing after realizing they were real for him.

"Not anymore. Who do you think that garbage cheated on me with?"

Yoongi cringed.

"I'm sorry," he bid earnestly, a wrinkle of a frown etching on his forehead.

"Addition to the list?" you teased and he smiled to himself, persistently shy, despite knowing you could not see it.

"Suppose. Though you never answered."

"What exactly?" you hummed and he heard sheets rustling. You must be sleeping as well. Or perhaps simply sitting on the bed.

"What are you watching?"

"X-Files. Felt in the mood for something spooky."

He thought about it for a second before rushing into action.

"Which episode? What minute?"

You were almost taken aback by the brazen curiosity as it hadn't been previously ever heard.

"Season 1, episode 8. Minute 04:47."

As Yoongi grabbed his laptop, he heard the faint dialogue stop. You stopped it.

"Do you...want to watch with me?"

He frantically searched for the episode, fighting for his life to get the ads off the screen.

"Hey, I know that noise," you remarked. "That's the blacklist notice! Say, August, you wouldn't be streaming illegally, would you?"

"You're going to arrest me?" he smirked, winding to the fourth minute. "Kinky."

He couldn't naturally vouch for it but he thinks you reddened. And he found it cute.

"No. Just concerned that you'll find Anna, 32, much more appealing. She's only 1 kilometre away."

It was his time to laugh.

"Don't worry about her. Not my type. I'm hot for ghostly voices whispering in my ear."

You splutter and, laughing quietly to himself, he interrupts your indignance.

"I'm at the fourth minute. Are you continuing to watch or not?"

"Yeah," you replied huffily. "I'm continuing."

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep that night. Or the next. Or the next. And after a year, his doctor declared his insomnia successfully treated.

"You're not watching at all," you whined into his ear and Yoongi pulled the blanket over his body.

"No, I am," he lied. "I'm watching it through your mind, silly."

You scoffed.

"What a bunch of nonsense. We share glamorized auditory hallucinations, not a mind link."

After a pause, all you hear are the familiar sounds of him already quietly snoring away.

"Good night...August."

JIN: He exhaled once, twice, thrice. It took him about three seconds to fully grasp what he was seeing and then with all the might of his tired legs Jin threw himself into the shower curtain and promptly knocked himself out against the tiled bathroom wall.

"Sir, please, calm down!" the nurse urged him frantically as Jin twitched on the bed.

"No, you don't understand! It was a ghost. A ghost! A ghost is haunting my bathroom!"

"Sir, please, there's no ghost!"

He glimpsed to the left and in the metal railing of the bed, he saw a reflection not of himself but of an entirely different face looking right back at him with the same concern.

Jin politely and very masculine screeched at the top of his lungs and graciously passed out amidst the mass of frightened hospital staff.

So...in the end, as it turns out, he was not haunted. The affirmation came in the form of two stocky SSA workers, coming to stop by his room with a thick wad of papers.

Sign here. Sign here. Sign here.

It appears that three years ago someone had registered in the I-SSA and while there were many different systems out there, all with their variations and complications, it was just Jin's luck, his beam of sunshine amidst the raging storm, to be in a system with the smallest amount of sharers. The abnormal diff-diffusion? He doesn't quite recall as he'd sat there head pounding away and sounds distant, staring at his own name and next to it the person, who according to the science of it all, was his soulmate.

But knowing was different from believing. Or at least, not shitting himself every time they stared at him in his own reflection.

"You got to cool it, man," Namjoon drawled in that pure sarcastic deadpan, patting away the soup that Jin had spilt as he lunged himself away from the spoon reflection in which a different eye was reflected through.

"At least, you can see them," Taehyung muttered bitterly, wiping the table clean and all fell silent.

Jin kept the mirrors covered anyhow. It was simply too freaky to witness an entirely different face in the stead of his, soulmate or not. Life proceeded as normal and while Jin kept himself busy and unthinking of possibilities, the lack or rather denial of his soulmate meant little to him. Until the very eve of winter. The first fresh snow had fallen over Seoul and stayed that way. The air was chill and crisp and the world was ready to slumber. At least this part of it. And on this night, no matter how long Jin stared at the fallen snow, he couldn't sleep. His heart was beating out of his chest and his mind raced.

He...felt it. Or rather you felt it and he sensed the echoes of it. Growing agitated over this sensation, he stomped towards the mirror, ready to...well, he was not quite sure what he was going to do but after yanking the towel onto the floor he forgot all about it. For the first time, you were not googling back at him, either in wonder or aggrievance but you were crying, gripping the sink with crushing strength. Crying like your entire soul was just split apart.

"What's wrong?" Jin aske timidly but you did not react. Visual must not also mean auditory. With shaking fingers he tapped the glass and this time you jumped in a way that was eerily familiar to his own. Landing on your ass, you cursed. Or he thinks you did from the way your lips curled.

He thought about it for a second and rushed away to fetch a lip balm before writing on the surface of the mirror.

"Hi."

You leaned your head to the side before, shivering, rising to stand. He watched intently as you dipped your hand underneath the water current and wrote back.

"Hi."

Jin exhaled, battling the urge to not pass out.

"Why cry?"

You gestured all around yourself and he recognized the sterile, removed environment of the hospital bathroom.

"Sick?" he wrote, feeling a heavy thud in his gut, something akin to missing a step in the dark.

"Yes. Tomorrow is the surgery."

He swallowed.

"Dangerous?"

You swallowed shakily and immediately Jin felt bad for asking.

"Moderate. I can live, I can die. All up to the doctors."

He too reaches to grip the sink and though he can't hear it, he can see you chuckling tearily. He frowns and you write.

"We even look the same. In a way."

Jin can offer only a shaky smile and even more guilt for shoving you away.

He was a horrible soulmate to have.

All day and next night he waits by the mirror and then finally when it's dark again, the snow falls in droves underneath the streetlamps and wind rushes through the alleys down below and finally, just before midnight, you appear in the mirror, shuffling in. You looked tired and worn but at least you're alive. Jin springs up.

You're the first one to write, having brought with you a lip balm as well.

"I lived. Clearly."

"Thank Heavens," Jin writes back feeling a rush of emotions dampen his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Gracious, you throw a hand at his words.

"I didn't want a soulmate before this. Thought I was...above it. Stupid really."

He smiles abashed and nods.

"You okay? Will be?"

"Yes, I will be okay," for a second, you lower your hands, gathering strength and then reach out. "You...do you want to talk more after this?"

"Hey, Jin, we're waiting for you!" Namjoon calls out, sticking a head through the door and he turns around.

"I'll be with you in five minutes."

Namjoon glimpsed at the defaced mirror.

"Hangman, really?"

Jin shrugged.

"We both like it. Scram now."

As he turned round he wrote "y".

j__n_y, stood on the surface and Jin sat deep in thought, then he guessed.

"Journey."

You sighed in defeat and confirmed his answer. Jin read the word again, committing it to memory.

"Text me when your plane lifts off," he wrote and you mimicked his soft smile.

"I will. See you in 16 hours."

Jin kissed his palm and pressed it against the mirror where your forehead stood.

"16 hours," he muttered back.

HOSEOK: "What do you think?" Jimin asked. "This one or this one?"

Hoseok merely arched an eyebrow.

"How would I be able to tell?"

Jimin lowered the hangers, with a guilty frown.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think."

Instantaneously, the despondent eyes made him feel guilty.

"Nevermind. I like the...uh left one."

Jimin twiddled guilty with the coloured fabric. A colour which Hoseok couldn't see.

"You want me to help you pick the outfit?"

Not to make him feel any sadder, Hoseok obliged.

Contrary to popular belief, being in the monochrome system sucked ass. He had nearly two million matches in the K-SSA registry, 32 million in the I-SSA and counting the 1% of margin error that amounted roughly to a 340 000 that could be his soulmate but wouldn't act that way due to genetic mutation. The more he thought of those numbers, the more alone he felt. Yoongi at least could hear his soulmate, Jin had seen them and was by now already moved in with them. Being in the more rare section of the soulmate systems they could at least have their soulmates traced via reading brain waves and other gibberish Hoseok never much understood. But no data could come from the monochrome system as the numbers were simply too overwhelming. False positives and false negatives were too great for a sensible person to take that chance. Which left only one option - the good old-fashioned meet and greet.

But with a planet of 8 billion people that chance was small. Growing ever so smaller with each passing day despite the technological advances. Even so, the airport was of late the favourite place of Hoseok's to be at. No place such as an airport to find someones all over the globe, grumpily and quite often with a foul odour, converging their different ways together. He tried to stay optimistic. As Taehyung bumped into him, sleep-ridden and tired, he indeed felt that there was a need to be optimistic. As much as he bitched, it didn't amount to the pain his friend was in at all times.

"Hey, just a little bit," he brushed Tae's fringe back to reveal two swollen eyes. He must have been crying either just now, or the entire night. Either way, it was an upsetting idea to have. Subtly, Hoseok pushed Taehyung into Jimin's direction who eagerly took care of his friend. But they all trodded along no matter how they felt.

"How was that episode good?" Yoongi asked and Hoseok frowned.

"What episode?" he questioned and Yoongi waved a hand, almost like one would when talking over a phone and someone interrupted.

"Oh, you're talking to...never mind," Hoseok grumbled, pushing his head further down.

The sky above the Atlantic Ocean was grey and uninspiring whilst the flight itself was excruciating. Though everything to him was grey. 14 hours in a box in the sky was not what Hoseok particularly enjoyed. Bored, he prodded at the desert. It was of a lighter hue, meaning a brighter colour. Yellow perhaps. Mango.

He took a spoon to his mouth. Strawberry. After all this time, one would think he'd be better at differentiating things. At least, he could remember colours, he thought wistfully, once again thinking of the positives. Some people were born with their bonds permanently established meaning they never knew colour. But Hoseok could at least remember - the colour of the sky, the sun, the green grass around his school. But it was in a way worse. If he could never have it again, it would ruin him. Strange. Such a simple thing really but he missed it dearly. What a weird way to bond people, by depriving them of the basics of life. Was it even love in the end? Or desperation driving them into some form of sick co-dependence?

Trying to be positive, didn't necessarily mean he was one as Hoseok had found out.

New York was a whirlpool. They had to rush fast to their cars through the halls of the airport, barely breathing and at this very moment, in one singular turn, Hoseok saw the beige of Taehyung's jumper.

The red of Jimin's scarf and the brown of Jungkook's eyes as he stared at him in wonder.

They couldn't stop. The insistent push of the bodyguards affirmed it so but if Hoseok suddenly saw the one thing that only his soulmate could grant then that meant his soulmate was not just near. Their eyes had met.

And he held no recognition.

He whipped to look around, the twin sensations of the flashing camera lights and the sheer amount of colours, of their shades and hues, had his head swimming but he saw no one. No one was looking with the echo of the realization, no one seemed to be interested in him any more than the rest. Interested in him as j-hope, the star, not Hoseok, the soulmate.

"We need to keep going," his bodyguard whispered, trying to professionally haul him away.

"No, I...I just met my soulmate. I need to stay!"

But the man did not listen. The crowd swarmed closer and closer and without much more say in the situation, he found himself sitting numbly in the backseat of the car. The neon signs blinded his eyes and for the first time in his adult and teenage life, Hoseok saw the rainbow cascading off the singular snowflake clinging to the window of the black car.

JIMIN: He pushed back your hair from your sweaty forehead.

"Feels so good," he moaned onto your lips. "You feel so good."

When the familiar knot unwound it felt like a truck, or a high-speed train running him down and into a cliff. But somehow pleasantly. Jimin swears he could see the true meaning of the universe, the very makeup of what created the entire life in moments like these. But even so his favourite, to his heart, was the second after, for the crudeness of it all, bust a nut within you, when he laid, holding your body close and panting together in the warm room. He felt brave tonight for once and nuzzled into the crook of your neck. It was all sweaty and damp but he did not mind. It was the only kind of closeness he could have with you.

Five blissful minutes passed and you roused, pushing him away. Gently but still you did. After rushing to the bathroom, you came back to get dressed. Jimin reached to trace a finger on your back as you dragged a shirt over your head.

"Can't you stay?" he hums. There was a scar right above the curve of your hip and he ghosted over it. You didn't like him focusing on your scars.

"I like my own place," you reply casually. "Paid a lot for it."

That was, of course, only an excuse. Jimin may or may have not met another ex-hookup of yours and you had stayed with them. They made you breakfast.

And Jimin wanted to make you breakfast more than anything else.

"Right," he sinks into himself, wanting to stop but not being capable to do so. "Can you...kiss me...before you go?"

Pathetic. To beg like this. But he wanted you to madness.

Perhaps, you looked slightly unsettled but indulged him nonetheless. The way you kissed was like feeling a new breath in his lungs. He didn't understand what about you was so intoxicating but he wanted you around all the time. Your presence was like a wet cloth on the fevered head, a gulp of fresh air after spending hours in a stuffed room.

It was no exaggeration that he was growing obsessed.

And you thought of him as a hookup.

"See you later," you said, stroking his cheek once and the next was the door falling shut. Jimin sighed, rapidly crashing from the height of happiness to the pit of misery. But if anything could distract him it was the horrible pain suddenly flaring through his shin.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," he cursed, cradling the limb.

He honestly thought his soulmate should be nothing but a mangled piece of flesh by now. Ever since 14 years old, he felt nothing but pain from them. And despite it being the main takeaway from sharing the sensations type of bond, he should also be in technicality receiving happy emotions but no. There was none. Just anxiety and regular pain.

Though, in fairness, Jimin assumed he gave off much of the same. Remembering the long practices, and the muscle cramps, he could only recoil. When the ache finally ceased he lays on top of the sheets again brushing the empty space next to him. Soulmate perhaps, but all he wanted was you. If you'd be next to him, he'd look for no one else ever again. Which was stupid, who falls into love with their fuck..fuck-something.

"Literally every protagonist in a romance story," Jungkook muttered before making a loud gagging noise. Jimin almost had half the intention of lodging a spoon in his throat before he hurriedly explained.

"It's not to you! It's just that dumbass is eating sugar. Pure sugar!" he heaved, face getting read. "Oh, I hope their teeth have so many holes they need to eat nothing but carrots!"

"You want to taste nothing but carrots for the rest of your life?" Jimin snarked and Jungkook paused.

"Guess not."

Suddenly Jimin's elbow flared up.

"Oh, come on!" he exclaimed, wincing and rubbing the spot. "How many times a day can this person be hurt?!"

"Hey, guys, why are there so many people outside?" Taehyung asked in confusion, hooking his headphones off. Sirens soon blared and as they looked on, through the crowd, they could see someone laying in the middle of the street. Unmoving.

"Oh shit, is that blood?" Jungkook gasped.

The police coordinated off the area pushing the mass away and to Jimin's surprise, you stepped out of one of the cars with a camera attached to your neck. To even more of a shock, you began to take pictures and Jimin questioned how was it that he didn't know you were a CSI or whatever they were called when suddenly you tripped and fell down, slamming your chin against the unforgiving ground.

"Oh, that must hurt," Taehyung and Jungkook drawled together but Jimin stayed quiet. His chin was killing him.

And what were the chances of that?

"Sensation-coded systems tend to be of more emotional intensity as they echo the same level of chemical fluctuation between persons on top of their own."

As Jimin had learned it at school, he still had it scrabbled somewhere in the high school notebook, touch equated to chemical changes in the body. Dopamine and serotonin increase and in a sensation-coded system, person A could not only feel their own increase but also person B's and vice versa. This is why perhaps he felt like he was breathing new breath when he kissed you. Because he just might.

He can't stop shaking as he texts you to come over, despite doing it hundred times before. But this was different wasn't it? If he was right, he could lose you, if he was wrong, he could also lose you. Either way, he lost. But he had to know. Otherwise, he would be bitter his entire life.

You hug him the second you step over the threshold but for the first time, Jimin steps away. Immediately you frown.

"Something wrong?" you ask and he swallows hard.

"I...I made dinner," actually he ordered it, not wanting it to be bad. "You want to eat?"

He knows you know it was phrased as a question out of politeness. During dinner which is not at all strained into near incapacitating silence, Jimin may or may not drink. A lot. To cope.

"Please, just tell me what it is," you finally break. "Or I'll combust spontaneously."

"I didn't know you were a CSI," he trailed off and you froze.

"Yeah, well, it's not a pretty job and also CSI," you gestured at yourself then at him. "An idol? Doesn't make much sense."

"Maybe it does," he says, shaking again and at last gathering all the courage left in his bones to pinch his arm, so hard it hurt. You flinch as well.

Another blanket of silence descends over the room.

"I think we need to talk."

TAEHYUNG: All he remembers clearly is the pause of uncertainty, the step taken between the childish innocence and the brutal adult reality. The reality of death which in this case was a red string cut short and fraying at the end of his pinky when it should have been stretching across the seas and dreams, across despair and misery. And it's on this hot summer afternoon, sunny and perfect, that Taehyung learns that love does not conquer all.

The office of the IBSSCI, the International Bureau of Soulmate System Crime Investigation respectively, is by far more shabby than he ever pictured. When Taehyung is brought into this two-story building it doesn't look like anything more than some chic obsessed, eco brutalism wannabe cafe he could honestly trip upon in certain streets of Seoul. The office in whose uncomfortable chairs he's been sat in is the size of the closet and looks like one as well. This person was grody. The half-eaten sandwich and cold cup of coffee were all the proof he needed.

____________ ______________, he reads on the glass plaque, you're a pig.

Someone walks in. A mountain of folders on two legs as far as he can see.

"Sorry about the wait, Mr Kim," they huffed. "The printer jammed and you see these papers," with a heavy thud, they dropped it on the desk, falling into the chair with an exhausted sigh. "Is no joke."

He nodded mutely along feeling like it was appropriate to do so.

"Do you want any coffee or tea?" you offered, pushing the mountain away and casting him a weirdly patronizing smile. Immediately, Taehyung bristled.

"Not if it's made like that," he pointed at the dirty cup.

"Depends on what you answer," the smile on your face didn't even flinch. "You do realize why you're here."

"Being scammed is not a crime," he scoffed.

"It is not," you agreed. "But if you gave nearly half a million to one shady group whose to say you won't do it again?"

He wrenched his eyes shut. He didn't mean to. But one by one the guys kept finding their soulmates, hell, even Hoseok, the actual fucking monochrome-based bond found his love. While Taehyung was happy for his friend he was also happy to have someone to be as miserable as him as selfish as it was.

And what would be the worst, he had thought, he would just lose his money and he had plenty of it. For the chance of finding a soulmate, he would give every single thing he owned. The clothes on his body, the sheets on his bed, all of it.

But the worst of it was actually murder. The scam group promised to find Taehyung a new person claiming the statistical basis of there being another in the case of death had in the end murdered one of the doctors who threatened to take this to the police and suddenly Taehyung found himself right in the heart of a criminal case. And while the scammers ran a high-level operation it didn't change the fact that Taehyung was now fundamentally a person involved in something as heinous as murder and it was his money that had guaranteed some of them to escape to international seas.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I understand," they spoke and for once they didn't sound mocking. "But Mr Kim, you have money and that is power. You must not give that power out of desperation."

As he opened his eyes, he saw them pushing a paper across the desk, their gloved hand tapping twice at it.

"This is, as you must know, a recovery form in the case of losing a soulmate. The program consists of 18 weeks of mandatory therapy, regular check-ins for a year as well as signing an oath of not partaking in any schemes or offers of finding or rebonding with a new soulmate that if breached can and will be held in court of law. Do you understand?"

He gazed blankly into their eyes, limbs growing stiff.

"Taehyung!" Jimin called out.

"No, you don't get to speak! You don't get to pretend you understand! You have your soulmate! You have a chance! I was robbed of one! You will never understand what that's like!"

As he blinked the memory faded away but still, he felt no one will ever understand what that was like.

"Do you have a soulmate?" he croaked, fiddling with the pen meant to sign the form.

The person blinked and their lips thinned.

"I suppose I did," they said with ease but also with a thin veil of clearly deep inner sadness. "They died when I was an infant."

Taehyung sat straighter.

"So you know what that feels like? To be robbed, cruelly robbed not choosing, not doing wrong but not having anything from the start?"

He grimaced in order not to cry.

"I do but inflicting hurt on others...trying these insane methods and schemes," you trailed off. "It will do no good. No good for you, for anyone. It is evil for the sake of evil and that's it."

You offered him a tissue and he took it gratefully. Perhaps you were not so bad. Despite being grody.

Taehyung signed the form and with weary, tired legs, trailed after you to the main exit.

"As the person assigned to this case, I will be overseeing your check-in period," you explained navigating the cement stairs seemingly spiralling in all logical and illogical directions.

"You're a social worker as well?" Taehyung ironized roughly and you offered him a crooked smile.

"Budget cuts."

As you scanned your ID the doors flashed red.

"Oh, come on," you wiped the chip on the card against your pants but no such luck. Again and again, it flashed red. Finally, with a loud growl of annoyance you yanked the black glove off your left hand to wipe the chip by hand and on it, Taehyung saw a string.

A red string.

Around your pinky.

Cut and frayed in the middle.

Exactly like his.

It unfurled on the ground and dazed Taehyung reached to grasp it. He held the thin yarn like a dying butterfly and pulled at last gently its end. Your hand moved along with it.

JUNGKOOK: He really wants to be happy. And he is. Somewhere underneath the surging wave of anger, he is really happy. And he'll show it to you one day. After he's done scolding you.

Because in the exact moment where he walks through the street, late in the evening, cold rain pouring on his umbrella, he glances through the window of a restaurant and sees a person shoving an entire sugar cube on their tongue.

He feels sugar explode in his mouth.

Pure, unrefined, choking sugar.

And the next thing he knows he's pointing a finger in your unsuspecting face.

"You piece of shit! You actual dumbass!" he yells and people around him are startled. Though none more than you. You, whose sitting in your stupid seat and whose stupid sugar-addicted mouth still chews on that sugar cube like a horse.

"Does dental hygiene means nothing to you? Diabetes?! Health overall?!" he keeps pointing at you at every single word to portray the full scope of what tasting constant sugar every day for consecutive 18 years does to a person.

"How many holes do you have in your teeth right now?! Tell me!"

You blink up at him owlishly and also part terrified. Even the music of the restaurant seems somewhat muted as the crowd looks on at this, the most bizarre of lover's quarrel.

And he shouldn't, he really shouldn't, but he finds it cute.

"Three," you mutter demurely and a pout forms on your lips. Jungkook wonders if they're sweet as well. Should be considering the amount of sugar you consume.

"Just went to a dentist..."

"And you're still swallowing sugar cubes?! WHOLE ASS SUGAR CUBES?!"

"YOU EAT RAMEN AT 3 AM!" you yell back, a sudden fire gaining in your eyes. "OR DRINK SOME SHIT LIKE ICE CUBED VINE!! AND YOU'RE BLAMING ME FOR SUGAR WHEN YOU'RE OUT HERE COMMITTING GASTRONOMICAL WAR CRIMES?!"

And now this one Jungkook shouldn't, he really should not, but he finds you yelling at him hot.

And he wants to know what you taste like.

"YOU EVER WONDERED THAT THE REASON WHY I EAT SO MUCH SUGAR IS TO MASK THE HORRENDOUS ABOMINATIONS YOU PUSH DOWN YOUR THROAT?! AND DON'T EVEN THINK I HAVEN'T TASTED SOMEONE ELSE'S CU-"

In the end, they're kicked out. You stand in the rain, pouting and glaring at him in earnest and whilst doing the same he extends the umbrella over your head.

"I don't like you," you scoff and he does the same.

"Neither do I."

"You're a pig of an eater."

"You're a sugar addict."

A pause.

"I'm leaving," you huff, making no indication to leave.

"Then go," Jungkook snaps, actually taking a step closer.

He thinks he tastes anxiety on his tongue. Whether it's his own or yours he can't tell.

"You're overbearing," you mutter while slightly moving forth.

"You're insufferable," Jungkook is not far behind, neither in space nor insults. He wraps a hand around your waist and finds it perfect. The way you press against him is perfect.

"You make me nauseous," you whisper, gaze dropping to his pierced lip.

"I'm absolutely sick of you," he breathes the air you exhale and then closes the small space and learns what you taste like.

When the umbrella falls out of his hands and falls upon the rain-soaked pavement, he tastes rainwater in his mouth. And as expected that too tastes sweet.

© soraviii, 2022

tagging: @introlxv; @pinkcherrybombs; @devilsbooksworld; @btsiguess-kpop; @mwitsmejk; @belladaises; @mwitsmejk; @halesandy; @seok-jinnies; @themochiverse; @cuteipat; @ratherbefangirling; @manchuria; @chimchimmarie; @smalliechelle; @koostarcandy; @personaarmy; @flitzerj;

kel's masterlist

kim seokjin

watch and learn  genre: fluff (1.3k) summary: this is just chaotic fluff. fools  (fools!universe) genre: angst, fluff (6.7k) summary: only fools fall for you and seokjin was ready to be the biggest fool for you, only for you. almost, always  (colors!universe) genre: fluff, angst (6.2k) summary: everything hurts but doesn’t, everything goes but doesn’t. a life full of greys bursts with color as seokjin finds a permanent place in the coffee shop you work at and your heart. in you, i lay  genre: fluff (7.8k) summary: a love so sure, even millions of miles away.

kim namjoon

a lazy two-day genre: fluff (1k) summary: nothing blooms love like a paint war between two people helplessly infatuated with each other. belated love letter genre: angst (2.5k) summary: a love letter that he’s been writing only gets delivered, because namjoon has a lot to say even after you’ve broken up. i believe  (fools!universe) genre: fluff, angst (10k) summary: who would’ve known that the boy on the blue bicycle would change the way you view life and save you from yourself? come closer, come closer (colors!universe) genre: slowburn! fluff, angst summary: nothing in your life is permanent, you would never let anything be permanent, but namjoon nestles his way in and refuses to leave, will you let him stay or would he remain something temporary?

min yoongi

dance with me genre: fluff, slight angst (885) summary: yoongi has a rough day at work and the only thing that can make him feel better is the soft music and you. all of you genre: angst, fluff (1.4k) summary: you don’t love yourself but yoongi sure does. LIVE genre: fluff (3.6k) summary: yoongi likes you and wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he will spill it all to millions of his fans on vlive. a lil bad  (fools!universe) genre: fluff, angst (11.3k) summary: you hate min yoongi the most so how the fuck did you end up in his tattoo shop? so close  genre: major angst, fluff, second chance (13.5k) summary: bagels with cream cheese and chicken,  and a whole lot of apologies, is what yoongi owed you. on repeat genre: angst with a fluffy ending (7.4k) summary: yoongi sees you die a million times before he ever gets to see his ring on your finger. ex-things genre: angst (post-breakup) (4.8k) summary: things hold memories, things hold people and places, all of your things were yoongi's and all of his were your's but after your breakup, they suddenly don't belong anywhere.

jung hoseok

cheering hearts genre: fluff, award show au! (3.5k) summary: you have a big, pathetic crush on jung hoseok. hell in heaven  (fools!universe) genre: angst (4k) summary: because falling in love with you was both the best and worst thing to happened to him.  is is that hard? (colors!universe) genre: fluff, angst, f2l, suggestive (13k) summary: was it always be going to be this hard to look at your friend and act like he was just that and nothing more? go around genre: angst, (childhoodlovers! brothersbestfriend!) (8.2k) summary: to love is to lose, and hoseok's always lost.

park jimin

promise genre: angst, fluff (4k) summary: you made a promise but you could already feel you both breaking it. paper hearts  (fools!universe) genre: fluff, f2l (9k) summary: hearts fragile like paper, tear it or don’t?  two feet tied   (colors!universe)    genre: angst, infidelity (11.5k) summary: do you think of love when the world is at your fingertips? or a story in which jimin dances on the dangerously thin line between love and obsession. tethered (drabble for two feet tied) genre: angst, closure (2.5k) summary: both of you deserved more. and both of you knew you deserved more but a goodbye has to be told. i have died (royal!au) genre: angst, mild fluff (7.1k) summary: jimin knows his queen has a heart, he's known it since he set eyes on her, even if rumours whispered that she was cold, calculated, merciless, jimin held on, his queen had a heart. eliminated! (dystopian!au) genre: angst, toxic romance! (8.8k) summary: in a world where people killed those they loved, to survive, to be alive, you and jimin can't seem to be parted and the impending doom of your relationship stretches the two of you out before you are forced to make the choice, to love or to die? and...cut? (comingsoon!) genre: fluff, mild angst (wc) summary: one-sided crushes hurt but they hurt especially more when they've rejected without you ever saying a word to them, and they hurt even more, when after many years, you are still in love and they still hate you.

kim taehyung

only girl genre: angst (3k) summary : you’ve never felt like the you’re the only one for taehyung. but what did you even know about him? blossom genre: fluff, angst (38k+) summary: how can taehyung not fall for the girl who stomps into his flower shop and demands him to make a bouquet that conveys 'fuck you' to her ex? a little bit of love genre: fluff, angst (3.5k+) summary: there’s nothing that freaks you out more than love does. could you (kiss it better?)  (fools!universe) genre: fluff (11.7k)  summary: will you ever be able to get over your crush on kim taehyung? what i see, what you see (colors!universe) part 1   part 2 genre: fluff, angst (9.5k) summary: how you see taehyung, has changed too much over the years and how he’s seen you, hasn’t changed at all. 

jeon jungkook

you make me brighter genre: fluff, slight angst(2.3k) summary: when you and jungkook were together, things were brighter, now all you needed to do to shine was a little push from your friend. dead of the night ( part 1 , part 2) genre: fluff, angst, warnings include mention of injuries and blood (total: 6.6k) summary: when a demon falls from the sky, how do you help them find their way up again? let you go genre: fluff, crack, tiniest bit of angst (2.4k) summary: he doesn’t want you to leave but jungkook isn’t cruel enough to stop you either. koi no yokan (fools!universe) genre: fluff (6k) summary: koi no yokan is the premonition of love. we keep this love genre: fluff, angst (5k) summary: jungkook takes a photo everytime he misses the chance to confess to you. peek-a-boo! genre: fluff, mild angst (4.8k) summary: at a camp that you hated, you find yourself falling for a man that tries to sneak into your tent. untitled genre: angst, fluff (firstlove! slowburn!) (11.5k) summary: meeting jungkook a thousand times still felt like the first time.

series masterlist

fools!universe  

colors!universe

other fandoms + randoms

good "friends" - jennie.kim. genre: fluff angst, (4.3k) summary: you couldn't help that you were in love with your best friend in the whole world, you couldn't help that you could never be her's, but you could make sure that no one else got to be her's either.

author’s note: requests are open for all members, i do not write smut, only suggestive content and you can send in whichever ideas you have, i will gladly write them for you :] 

fools - k.sj.

genre: angst, fluff (6.7k)

summary: only fools fall for you. (fools!universe)

masterlist     series masterlist

the first time you saw jin, it was at 4 am in the ‘24/7’ library you liked to go to. he was sitting all alone at a circular table, staring intensely at the books in front of him, his eyebrows had scrunched up and his lips were caught in between his teeth in concentration. he only strayed his eyes away from them to see you enter the room. blinking owlishly, he gives you a one over, curiously but then returns back to studying, seemingly not paying anymore mind to you.

you set your books in a table far away from his, and sat down in a huff. you don’t like being around people and even if this man is pretty, prettier than you’d like to admit, he still was no exception and you snort when you see all the sticky notes and highlighters he has out on the table.

what a dork.

you don’t give him too much thought either, instead opening up your books and getting lost in them, immediately taking down notes and groaning in frustration every now and then.

you were so lost in finishing your assignment that you don’t notice his gaze linger on you after he deemed it was safe to do so without getting caught by you. and he continues to do so because you don’t bother to lift your head to look at anyone and jin tilts his head as he plays with one of his highlighters while still looking at you.

did you have different textbooks?

because what could be so interesting that you haven’t looked up for the past hour?

jin shakes his head at himself when he realizes he’s been staring at a stranger like a creep for an hour now. he’s got his own papers to finish so he pats his cheeks roughly, mumbling an apology when the clapping sound makes people look at him with an annoyed expression and starts working again.

he feels slightly bashful because he broke one of the rules of midnight libraries which was no sound, absolutely no sound, not even your steps should make a sound. if libraries are quiet in the morning, they should be as quiet as a graveyard at night.

and the next time he looks up from his books, you aren’t there anymore.

this happens a couple of times throughout the days he sees you, he will see you walk in and settle with your books and even he’s checking every ten minutes to see if you’re there or not, you still manage to vanish into thin air when he doesn’t notice.

jin thinks you’re a ghost.

because he can’t understand how you move so quickly and quietly, even when he sees you in the library the next week, he’s startled because one minute he’s happily using his lime-colored highlighter on text that doesn’t need highlighting only to casually look up and seeing you in your usual spot.

and jin is so surprised that he almost falls out of his chair when you give him a side glance. he’s almost tempted to touch your cardigan to see if you’re even real or not because no one else acknowledges you except him. like literally everyone acts like you’re invisible or you actually are invisible and he just doesn’t know.

there’s a reason why no one acknowledges you but jin doesn’t know that.

you see, jin doesn’t think a lot before doing something and now the mystery of whether he’s discovered a ghost or not is greater than any future embarrassment he might feel.

he strides over to you and slightly pulls on your cardigan, and yes, he feels the fabric, you look pretty normal up close, you don’t have full black eyes or whatever shit ghosts have going on, and he heaves in relief.

“so, you’re real, thank god” it’s only after he mumbles those words, he realizes his blunder because insinuating that you thought someone (someone you’re attracted to) was a ghost wasn’t the greatest way to flirt and he definitely knows his answer if he decides to ask you out because you’re glaring at him so hard, he wants to run away.

yep, his answer would be a big fat no.

before he can apologize or explain why he thought you were a ghost or why he pulled on your cardigan, you shove past him with your books held tightly against your chest and leave but not without whispering curses at him the entire time.

jin fucked up, he knows he did and he couldn’t help but think how stupid he was to just randomly walk up to you, still a complete stranger and pull on your cardigan, jin also couldn’t help that you felt familiar to him, in a way he couldn’t explain.

so, the next time you walked into the library, he was about to come up to you and apologize but then he sees how you roll your eyes as soon as you spot him and even when he stands up to try and talk to you, you brush right past him with a scowl on your face.

jin doesn’t know what to do.

he doesn’t want to risk pissing you off even more but he knows that he has to apologize, but you do look like you are going to kill him if he comes near you. and his life is kind of precious to him.

nevertheless, with fumbling fingers and twitching lips, jin slowly walks to where you are and before he even opens his mouth to speak, you’re cutting him off.

“what, are you going to pull my cardigan again?” you snap at him and he quickly shakes his head, eyes shutting because he cannot believe he got himself into this situation.

“you aren’t wearing a cardigan today” he mumbled and winced immediately when you cocked an eyebrow at him.

what is the fucking deal with him when he is around you?

where is his ‘be respectful, not an asshole’ filter?

“don’t get smart with me” you practically growled, irritation sinking deeper into your skin and jin shamefully nodded.

he had that one coming.

“i just wanted to apologize, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, i’m pretty sure it looked strange but my intention wasn’t that because the reason i even did it was- “he takes a deep sigh when he notices you sitting up straight, curious enough to want to know why he even pulled your cardigan instead of you know, saying hello like a normal person would.

“it was because i thought you were a ghost” he whispered, feeling the embarrassment settling deep in him as he explained and he snaps his eyes open to look at you when he hears your loud laugh. it gathers the attention of everyone else in the library but you don’t look like you care because you’re laughing so hard that your eyes have gathered tears.

jin doesn’t know why but he feels a certain warmth spread in his chest when he sees you looking so happy, even if it is because he embarrassed himself.

“why didn’t you just talk to me?” you said slightly breathlessly as you leaned back in your seat, a wide grin still on your face and jin felt himself smiling back at you.

“what if you were a ghost?” he retorted and you giggled again, jin was loving every minute of it. there’s nothing more ego boosting than someone you like finding you funny.

“strong point, can’t argue with that.” you lifted your hands in surrender and when you saw him laugh with his ears and cheeks all red, you knew you didn’t deserve whatever this handsome man had to offer.

you couldn’t get attached.

you didn’t deserve to be attached with anyone, especially not this guy who’s been making you laugh and forget about everything, even if it was for five minutes.

“okay, apology accepted, you can leave now.” you curtly nodded, voice devoid of any and all emotion and turned to open your books and jin was baffled because you looked so full of life not even a minute ago.

“you’re not even going to tell me your name?” and you don’t answer, instead staring down at your book even if your mind wasn’t grasping anything so jin shrugged to himself and left you alone even if he really wanted to stay and talk, or make you laugh more because you didn’t always look this happy, at least not in the times he’s seen you.

from then, jin didn’t bother you, of course he still looked your way whenever he could but he never went up to talk to you again and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed even if you were the one who pushed him away. a small solace for you was that you didn’t have to worry about getting attached anymore.

but jin is well, he’s jin and he’s hard to ignore.

so this time, you’re the one who looks up constantly with your pen caught in between your lips, you look up to see the handsome stranger across the room from you (you still don’t know his name) he doesn’t look too far from your age and you could only guess that you both went to the same university, you lean a little and squint your eyes to see any identification and sure enough he had a hoodie draped over the chair next to him and it had your university’s name on it.

how come you have never seen him around?

maybe he didn’t hang out near your block but you move around a lot so it’s puzzling that you have never noticed him before.

maybe he just had a tight circle of friends.

the next time you looked up, you saw him snoozing away with his book open in front of him. his precious highlighters are scattered around his head, he looked cute with his full lips and slightly flushed cheeks. absentmindedly, you gathered your books and sat down in the same table, still maintaining a good distance, not wanting to but looking over to see him every once in a while.

you giggled when his alarm rang and broke the silence in the very quiet, very empty library, so empty that it was only you and him, and a couple at the other end of the library but you were pretty sure they didn’t come here to study. jin snapped his eyes and hastily looked around to make sure no one caught him looking like a fool, only to meet your amused eyes.

and even if you didn’t want to, you started speaking.

“no loud noises in the library, don’t you know that?” you mused and pointed to the huge sign over your head which had the rule written on it in huge letters, a cheeky grin on your face only to laugh once more when he hurriedly bowed to you in apology.

he was still cute. and he was still making it really hard to not like him.

“it’s okay, just try not to sleep here, i can’t imagine the position being any comfortable” you chastised, you know this because once you fell asleep and woke up with such a cramped neck that you couldn’t move it for two days. you watched as his eyes danced over your face, pausing for a second or two and then lifting his eyebrow in a cocky way.

“thanks for the concern” jin smirked your way and you rolled your eyes, of course with a face like that, he was confident and that also made him attractive, it’s been a while since you’ve openly admitted to yourself that someone was attractive.

but it hasn’t been too long since you made the biggest blunder in your life.

you sighed, closing your books and thinking that this was enough studying for you today, not failing to catch jin’s panicked eyes looking at you.

you got up to leave, flinging your bag over your shoulder, and walking away, silently wishing for jin to say something and he didn’t disappoint. he wasn’t going to talk to you but you initiated the conversation this time so he took that as a green light to talk to you.

“wait, what’s your name? i’m jin!” he called after you, now standing in his seat. even from where you stood, his voice was clear as day so he must have been yelling.

“well jin, still no loud noises in the library, remember?” you smirked at him and laughed to yourself when you heard him groan and slump his shoulders.

just like that, you were gone. again.

jin doesn’t remember the last time he’s chased after someone but you looked like you were worth the chase so he brought out the big guns. he put a dent in his weekly budget and bought two expensive coffee infused drinks from the café in front of the library. all while he cursed capitalism, the café itself and even god because why the fuck did he have to pay 30$ for decent coffee?

that day, he kept close watch to the entrance of the library to catch you walk in and you did, looking even better than he remembers. as soon as you sit down in your usual seat, he walks over to you after gathering every bit of confidence left in him and you paused from writing your notes when you saw a shadow on them, looking up to see jin standing there with a nervous smile and two cups in his hands.

and dare you say, your heart fluttered.

“what are you doing jin?” you mused and he hated how much he liked his name rolling off your tongue. he hasn’t liked his name this much before, you just made it sound more beautiful.

“what does it look like? i’m trying to get your name.” and with that, he set a cup in front of you, and you see, it was very tempting to just sit here and get lost in a conversation with jin who seemed more than eager about it but it wasn’t so tempting when you remember your mistakes, you have hurt someone else too much to chat over coffee like this.

“i don’t like coffee.” but you can’t say no to jin.

jin sighs and just as he’s about to grab the cup and leave you, swearing to himself that he won’t return and also convincing himself to just drink the two expensive drinks himself, your voice stutters his movement to a halt.

“but there’s nothing wrong with trying it again, i guess” you sheepishly grab the cup and start sipping, not missing the relieved smile that settles on his lips and you smile back.

one conversation won’t hurt anyone.

-

turns out, jin is a lot more charming when he isn’t picking on your cardigan, and even more handsome up close. you almost choked on your breath when he leaned over the table to wipe an eyelash from your cheek. the coffee was good but you almost forgot to drink it because you were trying to find some, really any flaws in jin’s face, you didn’t find any. you tried to see flaws in his personality, you didn’t see any, or you just painted too pretty of a picture of him in your head but he really hasn’t given you any reason to paint an ugly one.

it was all too cliché. even now, bundled in your sheets, your hand unconsciously strokes where he touched you and warm butterflies fill your chest.

but you shouldn’t feel like this. last time you felt like this, you hurt someone and even if it’s been a few years since that, you don’t have it in you to forgive yourself because you really do think you don’t deserve to be with anyone.

and as much as you like jin, you know that’s it’s only a matter of time before he finds out about what you did and you’re terrified.

jin is the only person who has treated you like you deserved niceness in all these years and in your heart, you know you have to push him away, or either of you will get too comfortable to go.

and the idea of pushing him away only seemed to get harder the more days you spent with him later on, it was like whatever you two had was magnetic. you never told him your name though, masking your fear of him finding about you by just simply teasing him more. you would walk into the library and the first thing you saw was jin’s large grin and two coffee cups in front of him, and just like that, your heart felt lighter and you felt like letting your regrets go.

but regrets don’t just go, they cling to you, and they clung to you even when you dreamed of jin, they also clung to you when you wondered about what he was dreaming of, if it was you like you dreamed of him.

-

“so yeah, i cried to myself at midnight while watching coco instead of finishing my assignment and now, i’m doomed” jin, along with hoseok and jungkook, laughed at taehyung who was furiously typing away on his laptop.

“glad to know you can find joy in my misery.” taehyung clenched his teeth in mock anger and proceeded to anxiously check the time once again. from what he told them, this assignment was 20% of his grade and he was given a month to finish it. taehyung is starting it now.

taehyung is doomed.

magnificently doomed.

“just finish your essay man” jungkook snickered when hoseok shook his head disappointedly at taehyung’s situation. and jungkook also noticed how jin kept looking around the cafeteria instead of laughing with him, his own eyes travelled to where jin was looking and he didn’t know jin found fading posters on their bulletin board interesting but here they were, staring at a particularly moldy piece of paper hanging on for dear life on that board.

“if you want to join knitting club, we won’t judge hyung” hoseok burst into laughter at jungkook’s words, almost spitting his drink out and jin shook off his haze, turning to playfully shove his younger friend off the table. and after flapping hands at each other for a minute and bickering until one of them backed out, jungkook looked a little concerned for jin because jin was never one to zone out or think too much.

“but no, what are you even thinking about?” jin hesitated to speak about you, he really didn’t know a lot about you, he just knew enough to know that he definitely liked you and you spent a lot of time together but you haven’t even told him your name.

and just as he’s thinking about you, he swears that it’s the ghost of you that comes into the cafeteria and you don’t spare a single glance at anyone, walking straight to the vending machine, a couple of eyes turn to look at you and jin misses the way hushed whispers are exchanged as soon as you’re in the room.

jin doesn’t have it in him to walk up to you today, you make him weak in the best way possible and he hasn’t prepared himself to see you in campus. and jungkook notices how jin’s eyes stray towards you, also noticing how he doesn’t look away until you leave the cafeteria.

jungkook knows what’s got his hyung all wind up.

“so, y/n?” jungkook muses, a teasing tone settled in his voice and jin chokes on thin air, he didn’t expect jungkook to know you, let alone know your name.

“you know her name?” he turns to jungkook with wide eyes and jungkook almost laughs at his comical expression, but his humility dies down the second he sees how serious jin looks, he sits up straight and clears his throat. he’s only seen jin serious a handful of times, and he didn’t enjoy any of those incidents.

“of course, i do, everyone does” jungkook shrugs and jin turns to hoseok and taehyung for confirmation. and sure enough, they both nod as well and jin almost lets out a screech at how everyone around him knows you but him.

seeing jin’s panicked expression, a realization dawns on his roommate, hoseok who smirks at his friend proudly after figuring out where exactly he had been disappearing off to these past few nights.

“is she the reason why you have been going to the library every day?”

“nonsense, i just want to get my grades up.” jin nervously utters out as his ears tinge red, he’s never been a good liar and his friends know and they enjoy watching him miserably struggle with his words.

“you haven’t turned in your assignments for two weeks now” hoseok pointed out with a broad, knowing smile on his face.

“are you stalking me?” jin narrows his eyes at his roommate, but his cheeks were definitely red with all the attention of the conversation turned to him.

“hyung, do you really not know anything about her? she literally was all people talked about when i was a freshman” taehyung said, looking up from his laptop for the first time since the past 10 minutes.

“don’t you have an assignment to finish?” jin questioned, raising his eyebrows at taehyung who didn’t seem to care at all.

“i’m failing anyway, i’ve come to terms with it.” taehyung had apparently decided that his luck wouldn’t save him this time and he was just too invested in the conversation they’re having right now to care about the assignment.

“seriously though, i’m still a junior and i know about her, how do you not?” jungkook piped up, looking at jin incredulously and jin sighed, there was no winning for him here.

“fine, she’s the reason i’m going to the library and i do like her a little but she never told me her name so i would very much appreciate it if you told me.” taehyung, jungkook and hoseok looked at each other for a second, silently debating on whether they should tell what they know or not. all while, jin’s eyes danced over the three of them as they continued to stare at each other and after coming to an unspoken agreement that jin indeed needs to know, taehyung finally breaks eye contact with them and looks at jin.

“y/n, she cheated on her boyfriend in her second year.”

jin didn’t know to react.

he imagined a lot of things about you but you didn’t look like a cheater, and he felt betrayed even if he wasn’t involved with you fully. it just felt like everything he knew about you became a blurry mess that he wasn’t sure of anymore.

how many other things have you been hiding from him?

and jin has never been the judgmental kind but cheating, to him, was pretty serious.

“her boyfriend was devasted and he apparently pulled this sympathy card, got everyone to feel bad for him and that made everyone hate her for a while, he was the campus go-lucky guy so when he got all sad, people got defensive and shit, it was a whole thing. from what i know, she lost a lot of friends after that and her now, ex-boyfriend continues to mop around about it, he’s like the typical good guy who got his heart broken so yeah, no one bothers to talk to her anymore.”

so that is why you’re always alone in the library.

-

you didn’t see jin in the library for a while and it confused you, even hurt you a little bit because even if you know you didn’t deserve his presence, he made you feel alive. you missed that feeling of not being an empty void which spoke two words at the most. he actually pulled sentences, paragraphs even from your mouth with little effort. you missed being around people in general but you understood why no one would talk to you.

because you were a cheater.

you broke someone’s heart.

and you knew you fucked up. you knew you fucked up the minute you woke up in someone else’s bed.

you knew you fucked up when you saw the disappointment, anger and then sadness fill your then boyfriends eyes as you told him what happened.

and it didn’t help that he was actually a kind but difficult person to deal with, it didn’t help that you stopped loving him a long time ago, you even doubted if you ever loved him at all.

but those were excuses to anyone who would hear them.

excuses from a cheater.

because cheaters and liars have all the excuses in the world.

that night became a catalyst for the end of your relationship and there was nothing else you needed more, but it felt like you stepped out of a cage only to fall into a hole.

your ex didn’t take the news too well, and word spread around so quick that even your teaching assistants knew about what happened and they shamed you, for your actions, for your underwhelming reactions to any provoking done by anyone because honestly, you felt numb.

you thought college was going to be this fun period in your life that you would enjoy to the fullest, which is why you even moved from home, you were excited to start this new chapter with an open mind and it all crashed down on you before you could embrace it. it all fell apart right in front of you and you couldn’t do anything but watch as your reputation crumbled into fine sand.

and you deserved it. nothing could excuse cheating, not even the shell you called a relationship, not your boyfriend who was actually a good person and didn’t deserve what you gave him, nothing could change that you were exactly what they called you, a cheater.

it took everything in you to not roll your eyes when he went around campus crying to everyone about how you betrayed him and absolutely broke him, and you felt like a horrible person because you were the reason he was hurt. but you didn’t feel anything. you still don’t feel anything.

but there was one emotion that filled you to the brim and tumbled over. one you won’t admit you feel.

regret.

regret filled your every inch with dangerous opacity, regret that you couldn’t love someone as nice as him, regret that you had to hurt someone to move forward, regret that that one night absolutely destroyed everything for you, regret that you’ll only ever be known as a cheater and nothing else in all your college life.

it’s painful to experience the end of something even if you’ve been anticipating it.

you didn’t love your ex-boyfriend but still the end of whatever you were, it killed you just as much as it killed him. there were still nights that you would dream of tracing his features with your hands in the dark while he softly hummed his favorite song to you, there were still days you missed going to the cafeteria with him and just being all wrapped up with him in front of all your friends, there were still days you missed what you were even if it weren’t good for you.

regret rots you from the inside out, slowly kills you but you act like nothing affects you but every whisper, every stare that lasts too long on you, it halts your movements and makes you close your eyes in pure anguish.

“i get that it’s 4 am and no one is actually okay at this time but why do you look like you’re trying to hold in a fart?” jin’s voice broke your daze, your eyes bouncing around to find where he was, only to see him standing to the side of you while holding two cups, and jin thought he was kidding himself when he saw your face momentarily give him a relieved smile.

“just thinking” you replied, voice a little shaky and nervous. and you straightened your posture when you saw jin looking at you with more seriousness in his eyes, none of his usual playfulness or mischief found, his face was blank and not lit up in a smile like it usually was.

did he find out?

the possibility of him finding out about what you did unnerved you a little. and the tension lingered in the air, with both his sour mood and your overactive mind.

“you know, you don’t have to get me this every time, i know these are expensive as fuck” you cheekily said when he slid one of the cups over to you and jin swore, he could’ve kissed you for being so understanding of his thin wallet.

“thank you, i will no longer be getting us drinks from that place, it’s like every time i go there, they increase the prices.” jin complained loudly, an angry pout on his face as he threw his hands around to exaggerate his frustration. and you bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing out loud at his red face. but you felt relieved that he didn’t seem as rigid as he looked when he came in.

“that’s true, they switch up their prices almost weekly besides, we have a coffee machine here in the library, why did you go till there?” jin’s mouth dropped as you said this.

this library had a what now?

“what do you mean, there’s a coffee machine here?”

“yeah, it’s right there, we have three of them actually” you pointed to the opposite side of the room and jin almost cried out in frustration when he saw the brand spanking new coffee machines, all shiny and ready to be used.

“it even makes caramel latte” you added in, just to humor his expression a little more. and his jaw drops further.

so, he almost blew his month’s allowance to get you coffee when there was a perfectly (and free!!) working coffee machine right here?

“great” he pushed his tongue into his cheek to try and conceal the frustration bubbling in him and it took everything in you to not snicker.

“why haven’t you been coming in these days? grades got too good?” you gave him a small smile, only to see that all the tension that dissipated had built back up when his eyes flashed with realization as to why he came here and he straightened himself back to same posture he had when he walked in-rigid and stern.

“i actually wanted to talk you about something” you knew exactly what he was going to ask you about but you settled to hear it from him first, you could already feel your stomach sinking, and you were foolishly hoping he would ask you about the coffee machines again.

“oh yeah? what is it?” you asked with pursed lips while your fingers nervously fiddled with the lid of the coffee cup and jin took a deep breath, contemplating whether to ask you or not but ever the forward person he was, he did.

“i heard a lot about you, just recently actually, i’m pretty sure you know what i’m talking about. but i don’t know how much of it i can believe so i want you to be honest with me and tell me what happened. before we go any further with whatever this is, i want to hear it from you, y/n.”

“so, you got my name?” you delayed answering his question by taking notice of him saying your name for the first time. your name falling out of his mouth made you shiver a little, you swore that no one else could say your name like he did, you ached to hear it from him again and again.

“it was surprising that everyone around me knew but i didn’t.” he shrugged, taking his coffee cup and peering at you from the top, waiting for you to talk.

you see, jin actually thought of never talking to you again, because your situation just felt too messy and he didn’t know if he wanted to get involved.

but then he also felt he was being unfair by not knowing both sides of what happened so what better way to solve his confusion than ask the person who is directly involved?

besides, jin has blown too much money on coffee just to keep talking to you to give up now. and he doesn’t even like coffee.

“you need to be honest with me, i’m not here to intimidate you into talking or whatever, i’m here to listen to your side” and something about the way his eyes softened when he saw your hands shake a little, and then taking your quivering hands in his made you want to tell him.

you wanted to tell him everything with just the pure openness in his eyes and his willingness to hear you out before he concluded something about the situation, it warmed your heart that at least one person wanted to see how you felt instead of calling you names behind your back.

even if you might never see him because he could be disgusted with what you did and what you felt, you told him. you told him what happened, you told him the feeling that pooled in you after that fateful night, the same feeling you wouldn’t even admit to yourself. you even told him how you wouldn’t change anything except someone getting their heart broken because your relationship ended even before you cheated on him.

you told him everything you wouldn’t even whisper into the night.

jin listened to all of it with utmost attention and you even searched his eyes for any signs of judgment but all you saw was kindness.

kindness you didn’t feel like you deserved.

“you know, you keep saying he was hurt but from what you said, you were hurt just as much.” jin was right. but you didn’t reply because you were scared of admitting that if it broke his heart, it had broken you all over.

you were just as hurt over what happened as your ex-boyfriend but you felt like you didn’t deserve to feel pain when you inflicted it. but pain is a two-edged sword, you felt the same pain just in a different way. it was still pain, it was still you crying every night because you had no one to wish you good night except your parents, it was still you avoiding going into the cafeteria just to avoid the way everyone looked at you, your pain was still pain.

and no one but jin understood that.

“do you regret it?” he finally asked, pushing his cup away and looking at you pointedly.

“i regret cheating on him, not the breakup” you replied honestly, gulping a little and he hummed.

there was a tense pause in the air as you warily eyed him for any reaction but he didn’t give you any, keeping a stoic face and you felt like you couldn’t breath with how silent everything got, thankfully he gave your heart a break by speaking again.

“that’s fair enough. next time, let’s just get the coffee here.” he ended his sentence with a gentle smile which almost made you cry out of happiness because he didn’t run away.

he listened to the worst of you and stayed.

and you clung to his words ‘next time’ more than you thought you would.

-

jin meant what he said, he understood you were having a hard time too and he assumed alienation at college would be pretty harsh considering almost everyone knows everyone on campus. it must have been hard for you when everyone knew about your worst mistake and talked about it like it was teatime gossip.

but jin’s met tons of people in their worst moments, he’s learned to appreciate and admire the strength that individuals have to overcome shit instead of judging them for it.

he met jungkook when he seemingly had no aim and was just a lost young boy who was temperamental or sometimes too shy, he met hoseok when he was going through a rough breakup and was still trying to find himself, he found taehyung when he was a lot sterner and lacked understanding of others. and all his friends have been through their own shit, jin’s been through his fair share of shit too, he’s seen all of them and himself grow into who they are today and he’s proud of them and him too.

but jin knows you’ve already grown through the experience, now you just need to heal and be accepted again, and if no one else does that, he will. not because he was a hero or something, he just felt he couldn’t miss out on knowing someone like you just because you made one mistake.

jin didn’t give a shit about hushed whispers or the weird you would sometimes get when you held his hand, he could hear them calling him a fool for being with you but again, jin was determined to give you a chance for yourself and he wasn’t going to back down.

his unshaking faith in you made you believe in yourself too, he introduced you to his friends who were just as welcoming as he was. he felt his heart warm when you held his hand tighter each time someone would start a conversation with you, like you still needed him even with all those people around, jin felt like he could die a happy man, it didn’t take you long before you got comfortable around people again. 

jin couldn’t be prouder.

even right now, the library is still your favorite place, even after several days of spending time with each other, jin couldn’t deny how much more lively and confident you looked as you sat in front of him. this time with coffee made from the library machines near your hands and jin almost leaps from his seat when you look like you're going to knock them over, you don’t even notice how his hands reach out and hold the cup still, instead just going back to write on your brightly colored flash cards (you have taken a liking to bright stationery because of him, you’ve even gone on dates to stationery stores just for the heck of it.)

jin feels endeared and lets out a light chuckle, because you look very cute with your eyebrows scrunched, lips in a slight pout as you furiously jot down points, your hair ever so slightly falls on your face, you just seem so into your own world and like you’ve tuned out everyone else.

but he also frowns at the realization that you’ve probably gotten used to not having anyone around and tuning out everyone was the easiest way you could deal with being alone. he knows that feeling creeps back in you even if you are doing better now.

so, he picks up his books and bag in a hurry making you look up at him with widened eyes, and just as you are about to ask him where he’s going, he seats himself right beside you.

he’s determined to never make you feel lonely again.

he’s also determined to prove to you that it's okay too feel everything you do, be it pain, be it happiness.

he feels like he’s in love? he feels exactly like what they’ve been calling him, a fool.

a fool in love to be more specific, a fool because just by sitting there, you make him want to fight the world for you.

and jin is okay with being a fool. he’s okay with being a fool for you.

almost, always - k.sj.

genre: fluff, angst (6.2k)

summary: how much of life will pass you by without loving anyone? or a fic in which you yearn and yearn and yearn for life and seokjin.

all works in the series can be real individually.  

(reposting because it didn’t upload properly before)

masterlist      series masterlist (colors!universe)  

your life had been exactly as you had imagined.

simple, monotonous, spontaneous nights that seemed to throw a blanket on the routine, but it had always been just that, just a few moments to make up for the others that you could barely call ‘moments’.

you reasoned to yourself that maybe life was just this, an endless routine with speed breaks in the middle to make it exciting with a drunken night, a hook-up, a date, a relationship but they all fade, and you’re left on the train of routine again.

because why would anything be exciting if it happened every day?

partying every day would make you sick of the hazy lights and the moving bodies, drinking every day would make you used to the recklessness it achieves, and smoking every day would make clean air feel like too much.

but regular life isn’t exciting enough either, is it?

how would it be exciting if you spent all of your youth cleaning tables and making coffee for tired strangers?

“steve carter!” you called out loudly to the busy café as you placed his order on the counter.

a black coffee.

you had always judged people for ordering black coffee, something about a person genuinely wanting to have that soul-less drink every day, unnerved you.

a blonde, white man came to pick up the cup, looked up at you, rolled his eyes, and walked away briskly.

you would scoff at his behavior if that wasn’t how people usually treated employees in the service sector and you definitely had bigger things to worry about than some man with attitude.

as afternoon flew, you dreaded your night shift even more but god knows you need the money. you had so many birthdays of friends this month and as much as the look on their faces when they open their gifts made it all worth it, it still was a large cut from your wages.

you loved your friends but would you even talk to these people five years down the lane?

was it mean of you to think about your friends this way?

you can’t remember the last time you had a positive thought about anything, at least one which is not followed by a million doubts about the goodness in it.

it was hard for you to believe that people can be truly good because you knew the worst parts of yourself and you knew those worst parts existed in everyone in different ways, how can you trust anyone with those parts in them?

night came.

you hated the moon.

it was pathetic to have to borrow light just to shine. if you shine, you shine, if you don’t, you don’t. you didn’t see a point in its borrowed glow.

maybe you just hated everything. maybe you will never love before you become ash.

the bell dinged.

the otherwise silent café filled with loud laughter and you groaned internally.

groups of friends were annoying to deal with, they always laugh too much when they place an order and some think it’s funny to crack jokes on the server giving them their order, you’ve seen it all and you were too tired of it to defend yourself.

you reluctantly looked up as a figure walked up to the counter to see a man smiling as he approached. if you hated rude customers, you hated those who thought they were better than others by smiling at servers, even more. if you’re smiling at employees to satisfy some self-validation you need, you’re worse.

“hello, what can i get you?” you mumble just loud enough for him to hear. “what do you have?” he hummed as he kept smiling and you almost glare at him. when he didn’t look like he got the hint, you pointed to the menu that was hanging above your head with a blank stare, “this is what we have.”

he purses his lips as you point out his error but when he looks back up, there’s no embarrassment on his face nor any annoyance, he just smiles again.

you are irritated by his smile already.

but it does make you tilt your head at him, usually, by this action itself, an employee pointing out the obvious is seen as rude. customers want to be nice to the employees who are ever so grateful, ever so cordial, and ever so obedient, as soon as an employee shows human traits besides the ones required for serving, a customer sees no need to see them as human.

but he smiled, and he’s still smiling.

“i should’ve looked up” he chuckles at himself and you know that if you agree, you’re going to be out of a job, so you stay silent. “i’ll take six black coffees and one hot chocolate, please.”

black coffee.

of course, everyone wants that soul-less drink at this hour.

“what should i put the name as?”

“kim seokjin on the hot chocolate, please.” he hands you his card.

kim seokjin.

it was a nice name, you weren’t going to lie. and hot chocolate is a nice drink, your favorite actually, you wonder if it’s for him or someone else.

“it’ll be ready in ten minutes, thank you sir.” you punch the order in and slide the card over the counter. you don’t look at him again, his smile unnerves you. as you make the drinks, you wonder why you can’t get his smile out of your mind.

objectively speaking, you have seen more beautiful smiles but most of them were just that, just beautiful. smiles for vanity. but he seemed to genuinely want to smile, not really caring to be beautiful, just caring to smile.

you shake your head at yourself, the night shift was finally getting to you.

“kim seokjin!” you yell as you place a tray on the counter, and instead of him, someone else comes to pick up the order, they also smile at you. a beautiful smile. you just hand the tray over and go back to wiping the counters.

but out of the corner of your eye, you don’t know why but you look over to where they were sitting with hesitant glances, you watch him to see if he chose the garbage drink or the drink that made you feel ever-changing seasons.

you wait as the friend places the tray on the table.

you wait as everyone hurriedly takes their drink, conversing all over each other.

you wait for everyone to move so you can see what he took.

you wait as everyone falls back to their seats and take a sip from their drinks.

you wait as your eyes fall on him and then his hands which held a mug.

he took the hot chocolate.

he smiles at the taste.

you smile at the counters you wipe.

-

“but why would you need afternoon shifts? you have a baby at home” you couldn’t help but judge your older co-worker who wanted to take your afternoon shifts and give you the night shifts. she purses her lips at your tone but doesn’t say anything.

“my husband’s working nights, someone needs to stay home with the baby. so, please let me work in the afternoon instead, i’ll talk with the manager myself.” she pleads with you and you shrink a little, maybe you judged too quickly.

you always do.

you didn’t have any reason to deny night shifts, you don’t have a kid at home to use as an excuse, so you agree with a sigh that has your co-workers breathing out in relief.

nights were boring.

you played with the keys on the computer and aimlessly swiped on tinder to pass the time, but nothing could really make the boredom feel any better.

the bell dinged.

your heart lurched for a second as a burst of familiar laughter poured into the café.

it was the same group.

six black coffees and one hot chocolate.

same guy.

same smile.

this was your fourth time seeing that smile.

not a beautiful smile, just a smile.

just kim seokjin.

you unconsciously follow his body as it moves across the store, you didn’t realize how long your eyes were following him until he was coming towards you. you spun around to hurriedly grab some mug and start wiping it.

it was a clean mug.

“hello, can i place my order?” his song-like voice forced you to acknowledge him. your hands tightened on the mug, why were you even cleaning it? why did you care about him catching you staring?

“o-one second!” and why the fuck are you stuttering?

you wiped your palms on your apron, you hadn’t even noticed how sweaty they were and walked up to the till with the most unbothered face you could make.

“what can i get you?” you clear your throat, not even trying to look up at him, and on the other side of the counter, seokjin tilted and dipped his head so his eyes would meet your downcast ones.

when they met, he smiled and you, well, you looked further down.

“just six black coffees and-“

“one hot chocolate” you finish punching in the order, not noticing that he hadn’t finished his sentence. seokjin’s eyes widen at you before they become half-crescents as his smile reaches full bloom, “exactly that.”

you don’t care.

you don’t care that he has the same favorite drink as you.

you don’t care that his smile looks like a floating cloud.

you don’t care that somehow your brain remembers his half-crescent eyes even after they’ve long disappeared.

you don’t care that you take extra time to make the heart on his hot chocolate.

you are the least bit bothered about kim seokjin.

this time, a beautiful smile doesn’t come to pick up the order, it’s the real one again, his eyes squint at the heart you spent so much time making and he smiles to himself, it’s much different from his usual one. it’s softer, more hidden, and much more beautiful but also more real, if that was even possible. he shakes his head at himself as he carries the tray to his loud friends.

the chaos continues, and you continue to sneak glances at him whenever you could. the way he talked with a certain gentle playfulness with them, the way he argued with a pout, the way he seemed to make everyone at the table laugh.

you want to laugh with him, you are not the funniest person but you could try.

when he stands up to leave with his friends, you pretend to wipe the counters as you try to catch your final glances of him for the night.

turn back.

turn back.

turn back.

turn back.

your shoulders that were bunched in anticipation, fall with a heaviness when he leaves without another look nor another smile. you could have used one more smile from him for this dreaded shift.

will it always be just this? just glances to quench your curiosity but not a brush of his skin against your fingers? will you always just look and never find out? will your eyes feed the hunger your heart felt? will you always remain this starved?

you sigh and step away from the counter, shaking your head at your loud doubts.

maybe you are a little bothered about kim seokjin.

-

seokjin had never been much of a café person, he always felt they were too quiet and that he was disturbing the people around him by simply existing and he wasn’t even a fan of coffee.

but café’s at midnight held a certain charm to him.

especially with his friends who had the ability to make any place as lively as it could be.

especially with a barista who seemed to like drawing hearts in his hot chocolate.

he had thought he had somehow conjured up the smile you gave your counters, the flustered state you were in, and the many glances toward his table, in his imagination.

did he try to be funnier than he usually was so that you would think he’s a cool guy?

seokjin would say no.

his friends would say yes.

his friends would also insist on going to the same café so that he could see the cute barista who seemed to have caught his attention.

“you want us to do what?” jungkook gave his friend an ugly look. “don’t come to the café anymore.” seokjin firmly declared (requested, really).

“you know the only reason she might think you are even half-cool is that we laugh at your horrible jokes, just so that she would look, right?” jimin stated the fact that they all knew and seokjin grew red from embarrassment.

“well, i want to talk to her. alone.” he murmured the last part, he didn’t need his friends to hear that too loudly but oh, they never let go.

the next hour, seokjin spent it begging and bribing his friends who wouldn’t budge but at the cost of finishing their errands from time to time, convinced them enough to back off.

now, seokjin would go alone.

he will get a hot chocolate.

and hopefully, a smile from you.

-

night shifts were tiring you out, you only got a few hours of sleep before you had to run to classes and it never got easy.

but as you carefully practiced hearts to draw on drinks, you knew you didn’t hate it all too much either.

he hadn’t come yet, you didn’t get the smile that kept you going today, there was no loud chaos or laughter in the café either and it was starting to worry you.

maybe he wasn’t coming back.

maybe the hearts were too much.

maybe his friends warned him about the barista who kept staring at him.

maybe he just didn’t like the hot chocolate and was smiling at another barista.

but you don’t care. you will keep telling that to yourself until you stop caring, until you stop anticipating his presence in your mundane routine.

the bell dinged.

your head snapped up faster than you would ever admit.

it was kim seokjin.

only kim seokjin.

that was odd.

no black coffee.

he’s always surrounded by his friends and you had taken the liberty of admiring him whenever you could, only because you were positive that his friends had all his attention, the chances of him catching you were zero.

“hello!” seokjin approached the counter with a wave and his usual smile, but this time, his greeting wasn’t too formal, he greeted you with familiarity, he greeted you as a friend would. inside, seokjin trembled, his hand froze in air as he desperately wished that tonight would go the way he wants.

you hesitantly lifted a hand up too.

you didn’t want to be his friend.

never his friend.

“one black coffee, please” you almost recoil when he says that.

a black coffee?

who was this guy?

how the fuck were you going to draw a heart on a black coffee?

“…black coffee?” you repeated, just to make sure you hadn’t heard him wrong and this wasn’t some parallel universe where he chooses black coffee over hot chocolate.

“yes, just one” he nods and you purse your lips as you type the order in, you can’t believe you like this guy. “it’ll be right up.” you mumble back and sigh as he smiles and proceeds to take a seat.

you will not acknowledge that his seat gives him a perfect view of the counter, where you’re working.

“kim seokjin!” you hold the cup instead of placing it on the counter, you hold your breath as he walks over, he reaches out for the drink in the same minute that you thrust it forward and your hands graze his.

both of your heads snap up, the little touch leaving your insides bursting with wild butterflies and you could feel your face heating up as the moment lulls over you two. you gauge each other’s reaction.

does he hate it?

does she hate it?

should i move?

but i want to stay in this temporary bliss of contact, your hands seem warm, i want to freeze them in mine.

reality comes to you slowly, a gentle wake-up call to you both that you can’t stand there forever and both of you move away.

no! wait, touch me more.

the cup falls between you two. you don’t even move but seokjin lunges to reach for the cup.

half of it is empty by the time it’s in his hands.

he wants to crawl inside the ground with the way you’re smiling at the scene, you want to crawl into his arms and pat his exertion away from his face. but both of you don’t let it show, because how could you? you don’t know each other.

you expect him to walk back to his seat, demand another cup, and maybe even throw a tantrum. but you also know that won’t happen. you don’t know him but you know that he wouldn’t do such a thing.

seokjin stays right where he stands, coffee dripping from the side of his cup. this wasn’t how he had imagined it would go.

he sips his drink.

his face falls into a grimace.

and you hold back your giggles.

“hot chocolate?” you gleefully ask him and he nods with a scowl still on his face, “yes, please, never black coffee again.” he grumbles as he walks away to his seat.

in that minute, you decide that you like him again. just a little.

and seokjin thinks of how many other ways he can bribe his friends to stay away because if it meant another minute of your smile that seemed to put the moonlight to shame, he might just say that he’ll finish all their assignments, as long as they stay away, as long as he gets to see you, alone, in glances.

he looks up to see you aimlessly scrolling on your phone, only to scold his eyes to look down when you glance at seokjin. you look away, as if you’d never looked at him in the first place, but your red cheeks are a traitor. he’s no better, a similar red blankets his face.

he will be satisfied with these glances for now.

just for now.

-

the bell dinged.

a new night.

a new way to look at seokjin without his knowledge.

but you won’t get to. it was probably the temp making his hot chocolate as you sipped on the lukewarm wine that was served at your friend’s birthday party.

you can’t believe a 20-something-year-old still wants house parties, still wants to serve cheap wine and vodka with neon lights falling on their heads. you guess if you were as rich as she was, you would try to be immature for as long as you could too.

you had thought everyone was too depressed to enjoy that kind of shit anymore but here you were, the expensive gift you got her (cost of four shifts, actually) lying under her bed as she fucked someone on it and you were stuck between people who sweat too much and men who got handsy with the excuse of being intoxicated.

if you hadn’t felt the social obligation to be here, especially because she considered you her closest friend, you would be making hearts on hot chocolate for someone, who several feet away, made you feel the buzz that you assumed everyone around you felt.

will the temp make his heart today?

he better not, making hearts for seokjin’s hot chocolate was your thing.

“hey?” it couldn’t be.

it shouldn’t be.

you wish you could pretend you didn’t recognize that voice.

he should be in the café right now, having his hot chocolate with his friends around him, he’s supposed to be laughing his head off at something they say, he’s not supposed to be here in this sweaty pool of adults who refuse to grow up.

“hot chocolate.” leaves your lips in a disappointed sigh to mask the underlying roaring excitement you felt, you didn’t want to see him here but the world really was small. he smiles when you face him, you wonder what it’s like to have a smile that forced you to just let go of everything that worried you.

“took a break from that for whatever this is, for today.” he doesn’t fail to mention it’s for today.

just for today, i’ll drink this cheap wine. tomorrow, i’ll be back for the hearts you make in my hot chocolate.

tomorrow, i’ll be back for you, just to never have the courage to come up and talk to you, just to have enough courage to look at you in glances.

but today, he will talk to you, even if words fail him, he will talk to you in whichever way he can.

“i’m assuming you know the birthday girl?”

“her closest friend, apparently” you shrug and he laughs silently into his cup, “apparently.” he muses with a smirk and you roll your eyes playfully.

“what are you doing here?”

why are we talking like old friends?

“a plus one.” oh.

so, he was here with someone.

nothing good ever comes into your life, does it?

“of a friend!” he yells in a rush, a few people turn to see what the noise is all about, and a dark red flush takes over his ears and neck. relief dances on your skin as you stifle a laugh at the scene he’s caused.

he meets your amused eyes with his embarrassed ones, quickly looking away to gulp the rest of his wine, he needed courage, he needed to stop boring you, and he needed to get to know this person who’s been on his mind.

“so-“ he starts.

“s-“ you start.

you both stop, a wide grin taking over his face as your frown disappeared into your skin. today was going to be good. “go on.” you gesture to him.

“do you want to maybe go upstairs, to the balcony? it’s quiet there, we can talk” seokjin says with great difficulty, pausing, resuming, but saying it.

you deflate.

yeah, all men were the same. all they ever wanted was one thing, a quick fuck, why else would he want to go where no one else is there?

but you are attracted to him, it’s been a while since you have gotten laid, so you will give it to him.

you will never make hearts for a man in your life again.

“sure, let’s go” seokjin can’t read your face, but upon your agreement, follows you up the stairs.

your face scrunches into a frown again, you knew it was too good to be true, you knew that men like him were always too good to be true but you let your heart slip anyway.

never again.

aside from her never-ending heels collection, one thing you will envy about your friend is the massive terrace she had. you always escaped here when she would snore.

the cold air greets you again, its embrace is familiar, its embrace is what you needed to put you back in the ground where love was all but a joke to you.

you don’t turn back to see if seokjin is coming, he doesn’t ask you to look back, he’s flustered as is.

seokjin’s never felt this refreshed to meet a person. he’s always been able to predict someone he’s met, their habits, their interests, their mannerisms, but you, you just felt brand new. a totally blank slate that he didn’t know what to expect.

“you know, i was pretty shocked when you got a black coffee that one time” you recalled as you leaned on the railing, your wrists going limp at the edge, “thought i’d see what the hype is all about.” he replies, leaning next to you, but maintaining a distance.

“and you found out it was shit” you hummed and he grimaces at the memory of the bitter, dead flavor that coated his mouth, “shit is a nice way to put it.” you laugh at the face he makes.

“you don’t know my name.” it dawns on you that you never actually gave him your name, “i don’t know anything about you.”

“would you like to keep it that way?”

do you want this night to be just one of many that mask the monotony in my life?

do you want to forget about this once we leave this night behind?

“not at all” his reply is quick, “if you’d let me, i would like to know everything.” he was a charmer, you will give him that, you wish you were foolish enough to just fall, fall and fall for a pretty face and pretty words.

maybe being naïve was the key to keeping people in your life.

“you don’t have to flatter me seokjin, we’re already alone” a bitter laugh and your name follows your words and he frowns. you feel confused at the furrow in his brows, wasn’t this the moment that he would just take you?

“i don’t understand?” he moves closer, not intentionally, but by instinct, he wants to understand why there’s this deep loneliness in your eyes even as you laugh.

“isn’t that what we came here for?” you gesture to the empty terrace with a heated face, it was devoid of sound, devoid of witnesses. it doesn’t dawn on him, seokjin had always been a little behind things like this.

you inch forward to him, he couldn’t be as innocent as he looked to be, you had a feeling he was just fooling you, that he was playing around with you, so you were going to test him.

seokjin’s eyes widen as your feet approach him, in slow, drawn-out steps, the grip he had on his wine glass slips a little as you look up at him with eyes clouded with, desire? determination? he wasn’t sure anymore.

he wasn’t sure what you were doing, but he couldn’t look away, he couldn’t move away.

his heart thundered as you approached him, his hand places the wine glass unsteadily on the edge of the wall.

never in his life before has seokjin ever felt so trapped and free, you were an inch away and his hand balled to a fist at his side. he couldn’t touch you, not now.

your face lined with his, a hairline distance between you two as your eyes shifted from his eyes, to his rounded cheeks, to his chiseled jaw, to his lips that looked like clouds. you had never wanted someone all to yourself, you had never wanted someone so badly but you were on a mission here.

with the lack of personal space, you waited for him to prove to you that he’s just like other men, at some point, they always do. you look up at him with welcoming eyes, invitation clear on your face. any man would go crazy, lose control, and blame it all on the bedroom eyes you gave.

you wait for him to grab you in urgency, you wait for him to ravish you under the moonlight, you wait for him to do anything that will make you turn and run away once tonight ended but seokjin just always had to be different.

seokjin watches you for a beat, two beats, three beats, enough beats for his heart to settle a little.

he grabs your hand, then your other hand, slowly, unsurely, giving you the space to move away, to back off if you didn’t like it. but your lips part, both in surprise and anticipation. your stomach turns in the most wonderful way when he nuzzles his cheek against your hands with a desire deep in his eyes, the warmth in his face envelopes your hands but his body stays away, his body lets you make the call.

ravish him. or not.

pull him into a kiss. or not.

let your mind give up fighting this. or not.

he’s proved you wrong.

seokjin waits and waits patiently as you continue to struggle internally, you hadn’t thought it would go this way, you hadn’t thought his grip would be so soft but grounding, you hadn’t thought that he would look so much prettier up close, you hadn’t thought the night would make you yearn for something you never had.

so, you pull him in, drag him in, and he doesn’t move a muscle until your lips are on his, and then, then seokjin decides that he will let the moonlight take you two away from reality. then, seokjin knows you want this too.

whatever you two were supposed to be, whatever you two felt, melted between your lips. words died, lungs exhausted, skin burned and froze, both of you were suspended in this moment of the bliss of nothingness.

a splash of color spilled on the blank slate he had thought you to be, a mix of greys and whites and blacks and reds, seokjin thought he’s always looked good in those colors. he looked good in your colors.

when you pulled away, seokjin’s hands stayed nestled around the curve of your jaw as he observed the state of you, your lips were red and swollen, your body fought to be closer to him and your eyes were closed as if you couldn’t bear it was over.

seokjin’s eyes dance over your face as his heart settles after racing for so long, he’s never seen a more beautiful sight.

you looked like the night, not the lonely, drowning dark of it as you would have assumed, but the stars and bare, flickering illumination that made everything look more magical. you looked like the nights that people lived for, people got ready for, the nights that people celebrated.

“your eyes don’t look so sad anymore?” your mouth opens and closes at his wandering question.

i’ve always hated the world around me, i only didn’t hate it when you were taking my breath away, when you were killing me and pouring life into me again. but i’ll tell you all this another day. if there is another day.

“i just got kissed real good” leaves your lips in hushed giggles and your laughter only grows when seokjin’s red flush takes over his neck and ears. he rubs the back of his neck with a wide smile on his face.

the real smile.

the smile that tilted your universe on its axis but kept you steady.

“maybe you should kiss me more, then.” he tries and fails to sound unfathomably confident as he says that but one eyebrow raise from you has him breaking into chuckles again. “are we getting too smart, kim seokjin?”

“i don’t know about smart, but i’m definitely getting too lucky.” he leans his forehead on yours and a sigh of bliss leaves his parted lips.

you made him feel lucky? has anyone else said this, have they only ever called you a burden, a baggage, a weight they can’t pull?

“i make you feel lucky?” rushes out of you, you were desperate to know if you were capable of making another person feel that way. seokjin can’t tell if you’re joking or not. but he sees the pool of tears that gather at the corners of your eyes and that’s when he knows, you have never heard those words before.

“one random night, my friends decided to get shit drunk and wander around for coffee, i turned up with them at this small café that we never looked at before. they tell me they were too drunk to order, i complained and came close to fighting them but i gave in. i came face to face with someone i want to figure out for the rest of my life. i would say i’m pretty fucking lucky.”

every word that leaves him have you gripping tighter to his shirt. as if he will say all of this and go, never come back, leaving you with the beauty of a memory but not the relief of a routine.

his hands slip from your jaw to close around the hand that pulls his shirt, and he tugs you closer, seokjin’s smile is softer, it’s eroded in the edges at the knowledge of your struggle to believe or not, run or not, stay or not. he wasn’t going to stop if you run, but he wasn’t going to stop chasing after you either.

“you really mean that?” you have to ask, people say this and leave, people say lots of things they don’t mean, people say things out of awkwardness, out of circumstance, out of emotions that overwhelm them but they throw those words away just the same.

“what do i have to do to make you believe me?” ask me anything, right now, the world is dancing at my feet and i want to give it to you.

“never take black coffee again” he smiles, largely, a small laugh as he steps away from you only to drift back just as quickly, “done, never black coffee again.” seokjin’s hands rub circles on your cheeks and you were right, his hands were warm, his hands held you with gentleness, not afraid that you’ll break, but afraid that you will slip away.

“you have to come everyday to the café or i’ll forget you.” i can never forget you, you’re etched into every night i’ll see out the window, every mug of hot chocolate i’ll hold, every smile around me that is beautiful but not true, but you can’t know that now.

“is that all?” he hums in amusement as he brushes your hair back, he had never planned on going anywhere else. you think for a second, two seconds and he just lets his fingers get used to your skin that dips beneath his touch.

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

“you have to never stop smiling.” his smile was one that your heart caught and refused to let go, his smile made you feel that every horrible day would fly by in a breeze.

“i have one condition too” seokjin declares and you stand straight.

“you have to smile with me.” your breath hitches as he states his condition, you didn’t expect that, you weren’t one to smile much, “i’ll try” you can only try, you can’t just erase the years of hate you hold for your life.

“that’s enough for me” you can keep trying forever and i’ll wait forever, but i won’t give up, i won’t leave.

for the first time, you don’t feel the weight of expectations, of a good life, of a good partner, of a good touch, of a good love, you feel light, you feel that you can do anything. you felt excited, the same rush that spontaneous nights brought in, the same rush that unconsciousness brought, the same rush that you’ve been failing to catch up to all your life.

but even if you don’t know seokjin all that much still, you knew this wouldn’t drift away into nothing, it wouldn’t just be something you will yearn for, something you just remember, it will be something that you will live everyday.

“should we go down downstairs?” he notices the goosebumps rising on your arms and you do feel cold, the night was preparing to be day again afterall.

“no.” seokjin laughs at your answer, “then, come here.” he tuts at you before dragging you in by your arms and letting you nestle your body in his warmth.

you had a feeling you would never be cold again, you had a feeling he wouldn’t let you be cold ever again.

there would be another day.

-

the bell dinged.

your hands tightened on the mop you held; you knew who it was.

you popped up from behind the counter and seokjin smiles as soon as he catches a glance at you.

his heart clenches for a second, was it possible for a person to be more beautiful everyday? nothing else could explain you.

your eyes gaze dreamily at him, you always hated the moonlight but as it shined on him, you declared it wasn’t too bad.

“here you go” you hand him his daily hot chocolate, you drew a new kind of heart every single day he came in. you were running out of ideas as the days increased but that was fine. he takes the hot chocolate in one hand, your hand in another, and drags you to a table nearest to the counter.

his smile softens at the heart you drew today. it always did.

and when he meets your eyes over the cup, you smile back.

there would be another day.

there would always be another day with seokjin.

-

taglist: @savgogh

in you, i lay - k.sj.

summary: one night was all you needed to come back to him or a story in which love grows where seokjin goes, and you can’t help but follow.

genre: fluff (7.8k)

note: i have my exams soon, so i’ll get back to writing as soon as they are over, i wanted to give you all a little something before that so, i hope, with all my heart, that you guys enjoy this <3

masterlist

three years ago, your trip to berlin changed the entire trajectory of your life.

one day, your life was all black and white and then it burst into so many colors that you couldn’t quite grasp how quickly it changed to look so beautiful.

which is why you decided to come back to berlin. more successful, happy, and filled with life than you have ever been, you came back to live your bright past for one last time and move on to bigger things.

you look out the window as the cab breezes past the beach that held more memories than 23 years of your life, a smile unconsciously grows on your face as you think back on how different just 3 years of your life were.

you wonder how he is.

you never stopped wondering how he is.

the envelope holding your promotion was sat tightly in your hands, you knew he would be happy, ecstatic even, you just knew he would pick you up and spin you around. out of everyone in your life, you felt like he, of all people, would understand just how much this promotion meant to you.

“take a right or left from here, ma’am?” the cab driver’s voice breaks your train of thoughts. “right, you know this applefarm café which is around here? drop me off there.” you sit back and a giddy smile dances on your face, you wonder if you will run into him just like you did all those years ago or if you will have to call and find out.

you did worry at the beginning that maybe he would forget you, but every nerve in your body forced itself to implant him in your memory forever and you knew that he would do the same.

at applefarm café, you took a seat right near the entrance, it was exactly the spot where you had brunch with him after a night full of conversations that were embedded in you and your heart swelled when you saw the same elderly waitress, who served you all those years ago, heading towards you.

“what can i get for you today, ma’am?” she obviously didn’t remember you, but you couldn’t help but let a large grin split at her sight.

“a peach milkshake and chocolate tart please” it’s a miracle that you’ve managed to remember his order after all these years but every single second you spent with him is all your mind revolves around anymore, especially when you’re so close yet still far from him.

-

~2019~

you don’t know how your friends convinced you to come on this last-minute trip to berlin but here you were, not hating every second but still totally uncomfortable with how unprepared you were for this trip.

you were, to put it in a nice way, a total control freak.

you didn’t like going anywhere that wasn’t already dated in your planner, last-minute plans made you sweat like a wolf in heat, and it annoyed you to your very core when someone canceled plans that you had already made a schedule around.

even right now, as your friends happily pre-gamed before crashing a party, you were anxiously jotting down things you can do in berlin for the rest of your time there. your closest friend, jennie looks over and groans when she catches sight of the planner in your hands and immediately walks over to snatch it from you.

“seriously, what the fuck?” you yell after her as she locks the planner in the hotel room-provided vault. “i thought we all agreed on going spontaneous for this trip” she crosses her arms across her chest as she stares at you accusingly. “yes, all of you agreed but not me, we still haven’t done any tourist stuff and we leave tomorrow.” you desperately try to explain your friends, who through their fondness for your love for organizing, are shaking their heads at you.

“i have reached my limit of spontaneity, give me a break” you groan as you fall back on the bed, you don’t understand why you just can’t relax and let things be, you have always had a hard time with letting go or having fun, always too cautious and way too strung up to even think of doing something rebellious.

“listen, i know this is hard for you but for this one last night, just trust us.” lisa pats your thigh as she sits down beside you, trying not to grin at your obvious misery. “do i have a choice to do anything but that?” you can’t help but ask even if you know the answer and they all collectively smirk at you because they know that you know it too.

so, five hours later, when you’re sitting at your table in a club that you’re sure is way too small to fit the number of people in it, you are not the least bit surprised. your friends are swaying next to you, to the music and you’re all cheering before shots but you don’t feel all excited.

sure, you are happy, you love your friends but there is something missing in the air of the night.

maybe your drinks aren’t strong enough, maybe you are too in your head (yet again) to fully come out of your shell, maybe these lights are starting to make you feel dizzy, you don’t know.

but your attention is quickly taken away by the faint sound of a guitar strumming, and as you start to register the sound, you see everyone hurriedly walking over to the beach at the back of the place, all of them bubbling with excitement.

you watch as people keep shuffling towards the beach with loud chatter and you tilt your head at the commotion, wondering what could possibly have these people so flushed with anticipation.

and you don’t know why but your gut pulls you towards the back as well.

you have always been curious, about everything you come across, you need to everything that’s going on around you, and a large group of people migrating so suddenly, had your feet moving as quickly as they could towards them.

you look around confusedly at everyone gathered around a stage, quickly learning that a performance was set to take place, and also that there were no places left to sit so you dumbly hover by the door leading to the back, concluding that some hinge support was better than standing around in the loose sand for however long the performance was supposed to last.

then, over the gentle crashing of the waves to the shore, you hear it again, the faint guitar strumming but it’s not as faint anymore.

and it was coming from the right of you.

your head snaps to see the silhouette of a man tuning his guitar, and you automatically hold your breath as your eyes involuntarily lock on his figure.

you watched in wonder as the moon seemed to engulf him in cosmic light, you could see his high nose from where you were standing, you could see his hair with a few strands out of place, and you could see the loose shape of a t-shirt hanging off his tall and lean body, but you don’t know what exactly about him made every action in your body pause.

your eyes involuntarily follow him as he is joined by a few more people and all of them head onto the make-shift stage. loud cheers fill the previous silence but you don’t hear any of it, you don’t even hear your own heart beating out of your chest, you don’t see the hoards of people around you because your eyes still refuse to look away from him.

and when the honey-shaded light falls on him, you release the breath you didn’t know you were holding as your body shivers both in dread and delight, which you would later blame the cold weather for.

because nothing in the world could’ve prepared you for the sight that was that man.

you have seen good-looking people in your life, for heavens’ sake, you have some of the most attractive people you know as your friends but no one has quite invaded every one of your senses so quickly, as this man did.

and you are not sure how exactly you are supposed to feel about that.

from the cloud in your mind, you make out that they were introducing themselves but you don’t really understand what they’re saying. they start a song, you can see him singing, you can see his charming eyes hyping up the crowd from where you stood, you can see how the crowd is totally captivated by the dude with the guitar but you don’t know what they’re singing, you are not listening to a word they are pouring their heart into.

and you feel dirty, that you can’t take your eyes off him, you try to think of how if you were in his place, you wouldn’t want someone to stare at you like they haven’t seen another being in their life.

but then again, he wasn’t just any other being, he was literally the most beautiful being you have laid eyes on.

after forcing yourself to snap out of whatever mild haze that trapped your senses, you look around once again to see everyone enveloping the person next to them as they sway to the voice of the guy and the waves moved more soundly as if to accommodate the delicate ambiance that evening.

“maybe i’ll just never know, maybe i’ll just never hold you anymore but i can say i tried, i can say i fought for you, over the tallest hill in the world, i can yell that i loved you as much as i could, can you say the same?”

his angelic voice rings through the crowd, the lights falling even more delicately on him as he raises his gaze to meet the loved-up couples, and instead ends up meeting your eyes which haven’t been able to look away from him.

you turn your head with cheeks feeling hot as lava as you internally cringe at yourself.

what the fuck are you doing?

what has come over you?

sure, he is attractive but why are you acting as if you have never seen another man?

you sheepishly pat your cheeks before making a quick decision to leave as soon as you can, you can’t afford to make yourself look like even more of a fool than you already have.

but you risk it anyway, you tilt your head slightly to see if he’s gone back to what he was doing, you just wanted one last look at him before you left for good, you needed something to burn this into your memory.

so, imagine what happens when he gives you just what you need to never forget him again.

he was looking right at you, refusing to turn away even after you’ve clearly caught him and he continues singing while keeping his eyes on your every movement.

“but i can say i tried, i can say i gave it my all, i can say i used the last breath in me to breath life into you, can you?”

his lovely voice overshadows the bleak lyrics and you can feel your heartbeat all the way down to your toes.

and that’s when you leave.

you don’t notice the way his hands tighten around his guitar as you turn away.

when you go back in, you immediately collapse near the bar and your dress rides up your thighs as you slump forward on the counter and breathe out a long sigh. you can’t believe your body really gave up on you because one guy looked at you, and frankly, you are very much disappointed in your lack of self-control.

but he was looking at you too.

he refused to stop looking at you, even after you obviously caught him.

and that brought back the heat in your cheeks.

you feel ridiculous and embarrassed at your lack of composure, you don’t even think you have looked at any of the romantic partners in your life that way.

you shake your head at yourself, it was one thing to embarrass yourself, it was another thing to embarrass yourself in a foreign country, and you are so busy beating yourself up, you don’t see the person taking a seat next to you.

“whenever you are done talking to yourself, can i have a turn?” you hear the smoothest voice from beside you and you jump in surprise, not expecting another person to have joined you. in a panic, your eyes hurriedly meet theirs, and your breath is taken away all the same when you see who it is.

he’s still got his guitar resting on his shoulder, his hair is still fashionably out of place, his nose is still high from up close, his shirt hangs off his frame just the same but his face, his face was otherworldly this close.

and you have been talking to yourself like a mad person when he was right next to you.

how charming.

“what are you doing here?” the question tumbles out of your mouth before you can catch it and he quirks an eyebrow at you, an amused smile now gracing his features, you are sure he is smiling because of how wide your eyes have gotten. “if you are interested, i am here for you and if you are not, well, i’m here for this.” he picks up the glass collecting condensation on the counter and picks it up.

of course, with a gorgeous face like his, he is also a smooth talker.

“weren’t you just performing up there?” you try to ask with a clear voice but an audible gulp in the middle of the sentence gives away your nervousness. “i’m done, for today at least” he shrugs and you ignore the fact that his eyes never leave your face as he waits for you to speak.

if he noticed how nervous you are (which you frankly doubt he didn’t, cause you were being obvious with your fidgeting), he didn’t point it out which you felt grateful for.

“you’ve got a lovely voice” you tell him honestly, shifting in your seat to face him better, you did find his voice to be one of the sweetest you have ever heard. his voice held a different depth, now when he was speaking, that you are not sure you comprehend yet. “not lovely enough to make you stay till the end?” you want to run away again as he casually brings up how you ran away in embarrassment when your eyes met his.

“that was not the reason i left” you mumble as you lift your glass to take a large gulp and when you look back at him, he is smiling. he feels good, he feels damn good that someone as pretty as you, are losing your words over him. but he wasn’t doing any better, his heart was pounding in his ears with every word he spoke, and he still can’t believe he mustered up the courage to follow you in.

he hasn’t felt his heart leap so simply and so boundlessly, in a long time. he’s not even sure he’s ever felt this way before.

his pull to you felt magnetic, he didn’t understand why he felt the need to talk to you but he did, and he couldn’t ignore his feelings or understand them if he was being honest, so he was going to do everything he can to understand why you stood out to him in a room with 50 other people.

so he found himself, hurriedly running off the stage after his performance to find you again.

and now that he was this close to you, he understood his racing heart a little but that just left him wanting to know everything about you.

“my name is seokjin, and if you allow me, i would like to take you back there” he stands up, putting his hand out for you to take and your stomach tightens in the pure rush that simple line made you feel. seokjin’s hand trembled in the air, out of sheer nervousness that you were going to say no and turn away, he wished you didn’t notice.

“seokjin” you repeat in a quiet tone, you loved his name already, something about his name fit his face perfectly and you realize that while you were thinking of his name, your hand already reached to place it in his.

and his heart leaps again, he lets out a breath of relief as an easy smile takes over his face.

he gleefully tightens his hand around yours and pulls you to stand with him, that’s when you realize you didn’t even ask him why you were going back. and you can’t bring yourself to care, your entire body is flushed from his hand, you are sure your cheeks are as red as they come and your gaze decides to admire his broad back as he guides the both of you through the crowd.

this isn’t like you, this isn’t like you at all.

you never just talk to strangers, you don’t hold their hands, you don’t get this nervous around a person even if you are a shy person but your mind seemed to tumble on itself since you’ve seen him.

once you are out in the open air, your hot skin raises in goosebumps from how cold the weather had gotten and a slow, sweet song was playing. you could see that people were swaying their bodies with each other and it looked like the setting couldn’t have been more intimate, even with the full room.

you suck in a breath when seokjin turns around to look at you, your hand fell limply to your side as he left, and now, you could truly feel how bone-chilling it was.

“only if you want to, can i have this dance with you?” the way he asks in reassuring, laced with choice for you, it mattered to him more than anything, that you are okay with this and when you smile at him shyly, he swears his heart bursts into a million colors. “let’s go” this time, you envelop your hand around his and drag him with you where you can both dance without bumping into people.

you are still confused; you are still so new to all of this but you couldn’t deny how good it felt to be around him.

in a partly secluded corner, you remove your hand from his and wait for him to make the move which he doesn’t take too long to do.

within seconds, he hesitantly places an arm on the side of your waist and you step closer, feeling your breath waver already. he lets his eyes stay on your face as his other hand starts tracing where your arm begins to end by lacing your fingers with his and the entire time, he kept looking for any signs of discomfort in your face and lets out a breath of relief when he doesn’t see any.

“is this, okay?” he mutters, his voice lowering several more octaves and the room felt tight around you, like there was no space to move if it wasn’t in his arms and you found yourself wanting to erase any distance between you two. “more than okay” you mumble back and he bites his lip to hold back his huge smile at your response.

then, he took the confidence he got from the small smile on your face and tightened his hold on you as he started swaying the both of you to the music. and frankly, you didn’t care a bit about the song being played, maybe it was because of the way the same honey-light fell on him as he moved you two, maybe it was because you have never felt so breathless yet so full of life at once but you felt comfortable, comfortable enough to not question how you felt right in that moment.

he made small talk as he twirled you around, seokjin kept leaning in to make sure you knew that you had every bit of his attention and with every question you asked him, he answered with enthusiasm and humor which had your cheeks hurting from smiling so big.

for the first time in a very long time, you weren’t fidgeting to run around to get to the next thing you were supposed to do, you weren’t mentally counting down the minutes you needed to move on, because, somewhere in the middle of him dipping you dramatically to make you laugh to the way his touch left your skin burning; for those few moments, no other place in the world seemed more important.

seokjin’s very presence made you feel calmer than any years of therapy did and you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do with that information.

“aren’t you going to ask me for my name?” you remind him halfway through the third song and he laughs breathily, sucking in a breath before offering the widest smile to you, which made you instantly smile back even more. “i can’t believe i forgot to ask you that, please excuse my lack of manners. so, what is your name?” he asks, polite as ever, and you immediately tell him.

and just like you, seokjin finds your name to be perfect for your face.

“so, tell me y/n, what brings you here to this place?” his curiosity about you was eating him alive but thankfully, you were more than to humor him. “they have the cheapest vodka around here, at least that’s what it said on yelp” you answer honestly and jin lets out a snort at that. “alcohol shouldn’t be as expensive as it is” he shakes his head in a sort of agreement with you. “exactly like it’s my senses that are being deprived, why am i paying with half my kidney for that?” you complain with furrowed eyebrows and jin coos at the sight, he loves to hear you whine, he loves it way too much.

he keeps asking you questions, about what brought you to berlin, what you liked so far, and who you came here with and you felt yourself melting even more into him as you answer him.

“why did you start performing here?” you ask this time and giggle when he spins you around suddenly to place your back against his chest, both his arms still tightly wound around you as he looks down at you.

he barely knows you but seokjin is willing to bet that he’s going to remember this night forever because no one ever asked him about his purpose for performing.

"well, as you’ve said, i have a lovely voice, i thought why let it go to waste, you know?” you let out a small laugh at the confidence and silliness in his tone but quickly tilt your head as if it to ask him to answer seriously.

at the curious look in your eyes and the light hitting you just right, seokjin feels his senses drain from his body because suddenly, all his eyes can see, all his mind can register, is how close your lips are to his. and you notice his eyes fixating on your lips and your breath hitches. seokjin starts leaning in, his breath hitting your face in a warm wave and you stiffen in pure anticipation of what would come.

but then he shakes his head, leaning back with an uneasy chuckle.

“not now, not like this” you raise your eyebrows as you try to snap out of your own daze. “what do you mean?” you mumble, not doing a good job at hiding your disappointment and he panics, because the last thing he wants is for you to misunderstand him pulling back. “don’t get me wrong, trust me when i say i want to do nothing more than to kiss this night away with you but i want to do it right, i want to do it when both of us can’t think of anything else” as he utters those words, your heart pauses.

then beats.

then pauses again.

before beating louder than any rock music on the planet.

were you always capable of feeling this way?

“then, can i do something?” instead of answering you, he turns you back so you were chest to chest now. “you can do anything you want with me” he whispers back his answer with a dopey grin on his face and your chest tightens in the best way possible as you reach up to leave a light kiss on his cheek.

you are more than pleased to see his face turn red as he tries to hide his blushing face in your shoulders. “can we please get out of here? if you don’t have anything planned, i want to show you so much” he mumbles onto your shoulder and you don’t think twice before nodding.

it wasn’t your smartest moment, you were going to admit to that, jetting off with a stranger in a foreign country in the middle of the night, is never the smart choice but you also couldn’t let this night end here.

you wait at the entrance of the pub with flickering lights, pulling your shawl closer to your body after you waved your friends’ goodbye, needless to say, they were surprised by your impulsive decision but after making sure you had a way to reach them if things went south, they left with giggles about how berlin’s air changed you.

“why are you even going with him?” they had asked and were pleasantly surprised when you replied with “i don’t know” and a happy shrug, you were free of any riddling anxiety in your body at that moment. and your friends were glad to see it.

“should we?” seokjin walks out and your jaw drops because of how different he looked with just an outfit change. his loose, dark-colored t-shirt, torn jeans and chains replaced with a well-fitting cream-colored shirt tucked into beige pants and a blazer thrown over his arm. even his hair looked different, now neatly styled and tucked back.

“too much of a contrast, isn’t it? unfortunately, this is how i usually dress, pretty bland colors and all.” he laughs as he sees your face and you immediately shake your head, “it’s fine, it’s nice” it’s very nice and i might be drooling a little, might have been the more accurate response there. he stares at you for a few seconds, doing his best to hide the smirk growing on his face.

eventually, he shakes his head with a huge grin, reaching out to take your hand in his, he was no longer hesitant because if seokjin went by the way you looked at him, you wanted him just as much as he did.

-

your room wasn’t the best, it restricted your view of the prettiest city you’ve had the pleasure of knowing but you didn’t want to waste money on a room you were barely going to spend time in. falling on the bed, your mind goes back to seokjin, as if it ever stopped thinking of him. your smile grew and grew as you recounted everything that happened the night you met him, you can’t believe it was actually you who took off with a stranger.

but it was the best decision you made in your life.

not much has changed now though, you are still extremely strict with your plans and time but you allow yourself to let go when it feels right. you were grateful that you still had that strong work ethic in you because that rewarded itself in the form of a promotion you have waited forever for.

you get up to look out the window, your eyes set on the same pub that let you fall in love all those years and you immediately run to the bathroom to start getting ready.

you couldn’t wait any longer to see him and for someone who hated waiting the most, he truly put you up to the ultimate test.

your hand unconsciously reaches to the chain hanging off your neck, you just hoped he thought of you just as much.

-

~2019~

“so, why do you perform? you never ended up telling me” you pause from the breathless laughter you both have been tumbling in since you sat down near a stall owned by jin’s friend. ‘they have the best bingsu i’ve had in my life’ is what he said after learning that you enjoy sweet things.

“i told you, lovely voice and all” he quirked an eyebrow and you fight the grin on your face as you tried to glare at him. “okay okay, i’ll tell you” he gives in, moving closer to you on the long bench as the cold wind kept hitting both your faces.

you also moved closer, adjusting his jacket on your shoulder and seokjin fought the urge to hold you even closer, he didn’t like even the tiny bit of space left between you two.

“it’s not my actual job, performing at the pub. i am actually an accounting manager, but i was sent by the company to berlin, and they are based in seoul, which is also where i grew up.” he explains and it took you by surprise that this isn’t what he did for a living, he really looked like he was made to be on the stage. “i came here around 4 years ago, so not too long ago but long enough to know where the best food is, where the pretty places are, where the vodka is cheapest” he trails off with a teasing smile to you, and you giggle in response.

“i am holding onto you for the cheap vodka thing, you need to take me there” you say, tilting your head at him with a huge grin on your face and seokjin’s entire face softens at your smile. “consider it done.” and he doesn’t know what prompts him but he leans over to brush his nose with yours and you don’t back away, and instead nuzzle into his touch.

this was nice, this was way too nice.

then he continued, “when i came here, i didn’t know anyone, i was too shy to talk to people at work and i felt extremely homesick, the only thing that kept me sane then was cooking myself korean food from time to time. i was working like a machine, with no real motive or passion for anything, just a repeated cycle. but then, i met these guys, and somehow, ended up in a band with them. we perform only on some days, whenever all of us are free and i didn’t even know i would be happy singing in front of people, but i am, unbelievably so.” his voice was sad when he was talking about home but as soon as mentioned his friends, his voice became louder, more filled with pride and you didn’t need him to tell you that he thought the world of these friends.

he looked over at you and your eyes were slightly glazed over because you can’t imagine missing home, you can’t imagine not knowing anyone in a huge city like this, you would simply not be able to go through with something similar to what seokjin did, and your admiration grew with every word he spoke.

seokjin, on the other hand, can’t remember a time when he opened up so easily and deeply to someone.

“i am glad you performed today” you say, with warm cheeks and not really looking at him. one side of his mouth lifts up at your words, and he nods, “i am glad i did too.”

“so, what do you do? what unwillingly gets you out of bed every day?” he throws the question to you and you sit up straight, the thought of your work immediately alerting your senses.

“i am working at a start-up, we are trying to make a platform for people of color to express themselves on various attributes like their workplace and the micro-aggressions they face there, or their family’s immigration, how it feels to have to live in a place where the language and culture aren’t yours and how they deal with it. the idea is to express all this through different media outlets like videos, or a series of articles, or artwork.” you explain and seokjin sits in wonder at how smart you are, he expected you to be doing something like that, he didn’t know why but he just had a feeling that someone like you was just brimming with ideas.

but he does notice that your eyes don’t light up like his when he talks about performing.

“but you don’t like it?” you nod and then pause before shaking your head at this.

“the objective is great, the whole reason i joined was because i didn’t want people who looked like me, who sounded like me, to feel alone. i wanted to give them a safe place, a voice, something that was only theirs, something i wish i had when i started out.” you bite your lip because talking about your job makes you sad.

“i want to do so much but you know who’s the head managing all of these activities? a white person, a white person with privilege. he’s never had to fight for his voice. he’s straight, he’s white, he plays golf on the weekends, he has kids comfortably going to private schools and he has a trophy wife. he doesn’t understand these stories, he throws every single one that comes our way and refuses to hear out the already silenced people, always asking for something ‘spicy’ instead of the truth, he just wants a dramatic story to publicize. i just can’t stand working for someone like him, someone who refuses to see the entire reason for our establishment but i can’t give up now, not after i promised to myself that i will make it better for others.”

seokjin hears the determination in your voice, he understands the frustration more than anyone else which is he remains in thoughtful silence before he notices something else in your eyes.

a burning passion to destroy whomever this man was.

“you’re going to do something about him, aren’t you?” he smirks at you and your angry glare melts. “i am going to work till i’m seating in his chair and making decisions that he should be making right now, i’m going to make sure that whatever i do, it will be meaningful. i’m getting that promotion someday” seokjin feels his heart burst with pride, he might not know you all that well, but he knows how much this means to you and that you will do it.

“when you do it, you come and tell me all about it, yeah?” he bumps his shoulder with yours playfully.

it’s the way he says it, like he believes you will do it somehow and that fills you with renewed hope for your future.

“deal.” you whisper, bumping him back. you both sit like that, the night feeling longer than it was supposed to be, but you were all the more grateful for it. then, seokjin gets up, dusting his pants off before extending his hand towards you, and it’s instinct to put your hand in his now.

“come on, i want to show you so much more” and then you’re being dragged away to the next place jin wants to take you to.

that’s how you spend the night, hand in his, and exploring every small corner of berlin that they don’t mention in travel packages, you saw berlin through seokjin’s eyes, and those few hours of drifting away with the cold wind, filled your heart with a feather-like feeling, a feeling of being able to float into the sky if it weren’t for seokjin’s hand anchoring you to the ground.

there wasn’t anywhere or anyone else you wanted to spend that time with.

“you should go now” you whisper with your forehead against his, right outside your hotel, not really wanting to leave or him to leave. it was getting late or early to be more precise; the sun was threatening to peek through, the sky being filled with the faintest shades of orange and blue as you and seokjin stood under, hands refusing to leave the other.

“is that why you’re squeezing the life out of my hands right now?” your giggles escape into the space between you two, “but seriously, it’s too late already.” even as you say it, you don’t move an inch and he doesn’t either.

“i’m going to sound crazy” he starts and your ears perk up immediately, “come to my home, i promise i make a mean hot pot, we can do whatever you want to do.” it should scare you, a stranger inviting you to their home, should definitely trigger some fight or flight response in you, but you don’t feel any of your usual anxiousness, you just feel him and the strong urge to follow wherever he goes.

“i understand if you don’t feel comfortable, i totally get it so don’t feel obliged, but if you do agree, i’ve got a gift for you.” one of seokjin’s eyebrows draws up at the last words, and your curiosity bursts through you, any lingering hesitance immediately left your body.

“my answer” you trail off, stepping back, seokjin’s hands fall away from yours and he thinks this is where your magical night ends, this is the night he will spend weeks daydreaming about, the night that will keep him up forever.

he will spend many days just weaving through the possibilities of what you could be, of what you could’ve been.

you keep him waiting, dwelling in the satisfaction that his nervous face brought.

“depends on your gift.” you give him a coy smile and he lets out an airy laugh, “you had me really scared there, for a second.” he shakes his head at you and you fight your smile from growing bigger, “i know.”

and before you say something else to drop his heart to his ass, seokjin pulls out a chunky, tourist necklace with a laugh threatening to break from his throat. the necklace has a huge locket, with the words ‘berlin’ sprawled on it in vivd, neon colors.

it looks ugly.

he knows it looks ugly.

“i think i’ll just head inside” you playfully turn around on your heel and attempt to walk away, you count down the seconds it takes him to put you back in his arms.

one.

two.

three.

he lasted three seconds.

a record for the night truly.

seokjin’s arms immediately pulled you back to him and as you pretended to struggle against his grip, the ugly necklace was already resting on your clavicle.

“you really thought this would convince me to come home with you?” your hands pull on the necklace as seokjin bows over in laughter, “oh come on, it’s not that bad” he stands straight, clearing his throat, his face fighting to stay passive.

you give him an unimpressed look and that’s enough for him to burst into wheezes of laughter again.

and you love it, you love how freely seokjin laughs.

you want to hear it forever.

you stand there with your arms crossed against your chest, a fond smile etched on your face as you watch the man of your night, start to calm down. and he does, in the dramatic fashion you expect him to, fanning his face to force air onto his red cheeks as his eyes wrinkle with pure joy.

“if you’re done, can we go back to yours already?” you tap your foot impatiently, shying away from the fact that you just agreed to spend even more time with him. seokjin’s heart grows wings as his eyes drift over your soft smile, your tired but happy eyes, and then, the big, ugly necklace that rests on your body now.

“i knew you would like it.”

-

“you have a cute home” you look at the photos hanging off his walls, all of them with either his family or the boys from the band. a fond smile grew on your face as you come across a photo with a very young jin holding a fishing rod. “you fish?” you turn around to see him setting up wine glasses on the counter.

“i used to” he sighed, coming around to give you a glass, for which you thank him silently, “why, no fish in berlin?” you tease him as you take a sip, he remains silent. your mood slips when he doesn’t smile at you as he has been all night.

“i’m sorry if i overstepped” you quickly apologize, not meaning to bring up anything that wasn’t comfortable for him, he shakes his head in response, “no no, god no. don’t say sorry, i just haven’t didn’t feel like fishing anywhere except home” he stares at the picture where he holds the fish with both longing and resignation.

“you miss seoul?”

“always.”

“i can’t imagine missing home” you gulp as you imagine how you would be if you moved places, you wouldn’t survive without your comfort zone. “it’s not all bad.” seokjin smiles reassuringly but you aren’t convinced.

“you just said you miss home always.”

“i do but if i went back home, i would miss this too. imagine if i never left seoul, i would have never joined a band, i would have never put my lovely voice to use,” you scoff as he holds back a laugh, “i would have never known where you can find the cheapest alcohol in berlin, nor would i have ever bought some ugly necklace for a pretty woman.” you look away at the last part, hiding your burning cheeks away by staring out the window, “you buy a lot of women necklaces?”

“only the one, actually.” he steps in front of you with a smirk playing on his lips.

“my, she must be lucky” your voice drips with sarcasm as you raise the ugly necklace to his face, “i would insist i am the lucky one” his eyes are light as seokjin hums and traces the shape of the necklace which falls back on your clavicle.

the lightest touch between his fingers and your skin makes you suck in a breath.

as if a passing cloud suddenly rained down on you.

but you have been waiting for the droplets, you have been waiting for the thunder and storm.

you have been waiting for him to do something that leaves you breathless.

seokjin steps forward, grabs your wine glass, and places it on the counter.

“you know, i’ve met so many people over the years i joined the band,” he whispers his words and you quirk your eyebrow, “you’re not off to a great start, seokjin,”

he stifles a laugh behind his hand before clearing his throat and bringing his hands to rest on your jaw, “you are so impatient.” though it’s a trait of yours that you hate so very much, the way he says it with admiration instead of malice, makes your heart burn in your chest.

“you are making me wait too long” you whisper back, shivering under his fingers which traced your features carefully, intently as his eyes spark back with light-heartedness.

“i apologize for that” he sweeps a hand under your jaw and gently tugs your face towards his and your stomach flips into itself.

everything around you faded into oblivion.

but seokjin wandered and invaded every single one of your senses.

his lips were pillow-soft, as soft as you had imagined.

his soft breath warmed your cheeks.

his hair fell around your eyes and made it hard for you to see.

but you could see.

you could see all of him even with your eyes closed.

you could feel all of him especially with your eyes closed.

his hands that clutched your body like it was his oxygen.

his legs that couldn’t possibly step closer to you but still tried.

his shoulders that were strong under your hands.

how were you going to ever leave him behind?

“seokjin i-“ you let out helplessly, trying to tell him that this was only going to be this one night, that you would have to leave him here. he chooses to soothe his hands over your arms, easing your panic as quickly as it came, and gives you a soft kiss, parting away with a nod to let you continue.

that made it a thousand times harder to tell him.

there was no one way to do this.

“my flight is tomorrow.”

“what?”seokjin’s relaxed face twists as sadness settles behind his eyes. “it’s booked for the evening” you give the information with a wince. his grip on you falters as an uneasy smile break on his face, “i thought you were just at the beginning of your trip.”

you wish it was.

you wish so badly that it was.

he steps away from your space, you understand it’s his form of rejection. it feels like a burning sting running down your back and you hold back the tears that dangle on your lashes, you couldn’t bear this. this was the closest you had ever gotten to love in your entire life and it was crumbling in just some hours.

you didn’t want seokjin to be some distant memory.

you didn’t want to wake up and reminisce on what could have been.

“i don’t want this to end here” you say, voice quivering with vulnerability. you didn’t care if you will be rejected again, you didn’t care if he tells you to leave and your arms shifted to cover your stomach, a poor attempt at protecting yourself.

this was the first time you knew, for sure, something that you wanted and you weren’t going to cost yourself the pain that comes from not trying at all.

but seokjin’s silence was weakening your hope and you wanted to curl into yourself for ever believing that you could have a shot at love.

“i don’t want this to end either.”

his words sunk into you slowly and filled you with the warmth that dissipated from your body.

“are you sure?” you hated how weak you sounded.

seokjin tutted at you, stepping into your space to unfold your arms that held before you as defense and engulfed your hands in his.

“i would hate myself for a long time if i didn’t give us a try, it’s going to be hard but i have a good feeling about this. there’s so much more i want to know about you and there’s so much i want you to know about me, so this can’t end here.”

he breathes back life into you with the promise hidden in his words, that he’s going whichever way you are willing to as well.

“me too, i want more, way more than just this night.”

seokjin’s face fills with both relief and agreement, it reassures you that this wasn’t just you going crazy here, this wasn’t just you hanging onto whatever you could, this was both of you, unwilling to let your chance at love die tonight.

so, you spent all night, with each other, in each other, sharing every bit of yourself that you could in the time that you did.

but soon, the sun shone too bright and your eyes couldn’t stop filling up with tears.

-

you held your breath as you pushed the door open to seokjin’s studio, at least, you hoped this was the one. you had been to his old studios but they just moved into this one, so you had no idea what it looked like.

your palms were getting sweaty.

“y/n!” you heard hoseok, the vocalist and rapper from seokjin’s band chime from a corner and your entire body relaxes as you reach out for a hug. “seokjin hadn’t told us that you were coming, we would’ve cleaned up a bit” you both laughed together at the mess around your feet.

“this is kind of a surprise, so not his fault really.” you set aside the basket of baked goods you bought for them.

“thank you for this, we’ve all been out of it lately with the move and the new label so it’s nice to see you, i’m sure he will be ecstatic” hoseok hums as he digs through it.

“how’s the whole becoming a full-time band thing going?” you tried to distract yourself from the actual reason you were here, it was going to be a lot for seokjin to take at once.

“at the beginning, daunting as fuck, all of us were scared but we really didn’t have to worry so much, our gigs have been consistent and with this new baby, we can do so much more with our music.” you nodded, letting him rant to ease his mind and to also ease yours.

you were overjoyed when seokjin told you that they were becoming a legit band with a proper label, contract, and all the work. but hearing now how stressful it’s been, a tiny seed of worry plants itself in your mind that you were being selfish with this surprise.

but he will be happy, right?

like it’s all you two have talked about wanting. but that was before all the label stuff, before he had so much on his plate and your feet started tapping the ground incessantly as your worry continued to grow.

what if you guys break up over this?

what if he tells you that after all this time and effort, he didn’t want to be together anymore?

a jingle at the door made you jump as three figures started to huddle in.

you were out of time to worry anymore.

-

“just one more minute” you pleaded as your arms stayed tightly wrapped around seokjin’s torso, he let out a sad chuckle at that and granted your wish by letting you bury yourself in him. your friends stayed away to give you the privacy you needed for that minute.

this wasn’t fair.

your first shot at proper love couldn’t end this way, it wasn’t ending technically but still, you had no idea what would happen after this. all you knew for sure was that you had this one minute with him and everything after that, was left up to fate.

“i don’t think i can let you go” he whispers into your hair as he planted a soft kiss on your temple and your body shuddered with unshed tears threatening to cascade from your eyes.

“call everyday?” seokjin asks in a quiet tone, laced with the vulnerability that you braved when you told him that you wanted more. “everyday.” you nodded determinedly into his chest.

“visits whenever we can?” it was your turn to ask and seokjin nods just as determined as you, “whenever we can.”

“you won’t forget me” seokjin says with utter confidence, just to make you laugh, which you do with a full kind of happiness, “it’s kind of hard to” you point to the ugly necklace that you decided to keep on.

it was growing on you.

“we’ll find our way back to each other, okay? somewhere, the universe will and has to align for us and when it does, i will never leave you again.” your eyes, already swollen with the tears you’ve cried, grow wet again as you desperately force yourself to believe him.

it has to.

it absolutely has to.

it can’t just end here.

but as your hands leave him for the last time and your boarding ticket crumbles in your hold, you can’t help but feel that the future may not be as kind to you two as you hoped it would be.

-

meeting seokjin always felt brand new, in between the countless times you both flew to each other, touching his skin after waiting for a while, always took your breath away and managed to make you feel like the lightest cloud in the sky.

but as his arms engulfed you tightly, whispering words of surprise and amazement into your ears at seeing you after so long, your anxiety couldn’t be calmed, your hands couldn’t stop shaking and your breath refused to be even.

this was it, this was the day that would truly mark where you two would end up.

“i thought it was my turn to visit this time” he gleefully kissed your cheek and you nodded stiffly, “i just couldn’t wait” you replied, truthfully but your nerves were starting to give you a headache.

“are you okay? you look pale” seokjin’s eyes assessed you with concern as the back of his hand pressed into your forehead and you sighed.

you had to tell him, this could go badly but it could also go well and with that tiny hope, you tugged towards the exit with you and he followed you wordlessly.

through the years you have known seokjin now, you had fights, huge fights, arguments that you thought you couldn’t move past from, arguments that made you believe you were done. but every single time, you both found your way to each other.

and every single time, he gave you more reasons to stay and keep trying.

which is how you are here, in the city where you discovered love for the first time, throwing a stone into the blind for the future of your relationship and hoping it hits the right spot.

“so, what is on your mind?” he pulls you by your hand to wrap an arm around your body and you shiver with the same giddiness you felt all those years ago.

but you struggle to tell it to him.

no one talks about how scary it is to go a step forward in a relationship and just hope that they take the step too.

so, you don’t tell him. you slowly reach out for the promotion letter tucked away in your coat. you give it to him with shaking hands and with confused eyes, he looks at the paper that held both your futures.

you watch carefully as his eyes go wide and the largest grin grows on his face.

“you got it! you fucking did it, i knew you could but oh my god” seokjin gushes and smothers your face with kisses and you can’t help but giggle. “you actually kicked him out the program, i’m so proud of you” he presses a long kiss on your head and your insides warm with the love he showered on you.

“wait, look at the piece i submitted.” you show him the page where you wrote the story of men in berlin who found their home in each other and in their music, how they missed home but built a new one in a city unknown to them.

“this is about us?” the amazement in his voice brings a smile to your face.

“i couldn’t think of a better person to write about, you are the story that people need to know about because you’ve found the heart to make a strange, new place, your new home.” seokjin’s eyes fill with unshed tears, “you wrote all this?” he chokes back a sob and you know he’s beyond happy with it, so you nod eagerly.

“there’s more” you whisper as you point to the very end of the paper.

the end, where it states, that the headquarters of your organization would permanently move to berlin.

seokjin stares at the text for one second without a word.

two seconds.

three seconds.

this was a mistake, you should’ve talked about this with h-

“is this real? does this mean what i think it does?” he whispers to you, voice filled with confusion and hardly contained joy. you nod at him and bite your lip in anticipation, waiting for him to let you down gently or jump in the air with you.

his response comes in the form of him throwing his entire body onto yours, holding you so tightly that you can hardly breathe but you’re okay being breathless, you hardly contain your shivers of happiness when he starts whispering how grateful he was to you, and how much he loved you.

“so, you’re okay with this?” you ask, unable to keep the question hanging in your head. he pulls back and looks at you with such adoration, that you feel dumb for even asking the question.

“are you kidding me? this is all we’ve ever wanted, everything i’ve dreamed of since we started with this. i get to see you everyday and i can’t think of a better thing in my life from now on.” he pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear with teary eyes and that’s all it takes for you to cry as well.

“this is good, very good, why are we crying?” you sob into his chest and he shakes his head, unable to give you an answer but holding you tighter against him.

it was hard to make the decision to move but your town didn’t feel right anymore, and there were so many stories to tell, so many days to spend with seokjin that you just couldn’t give up on, so when the offer to berlin came through, you took it right away with a giddy heart.

“this changes everything for us” he sighs out and you tense again, “in the best way possible, i can’t wait to make you sick of me” seokjin lets out a low laugh at your worried face before kissing all your frown lines separately.

and you let him, you let him continue to kiss your worries away.

you look around the city which will soon become your home, a feeling churns in your stomach but you know this time, that it wasn’t your anxiousness, it wasn’t because you had to go running somewhere else, it was because you finally found your person and your place.

that was enough to spark tears back in your eyes and this time, it’s all happiness, it’s all joy, it’s all the excitement that comes with getting to spend every day with the person you love, in the city, that helped you find love.

nexus (m) part 2

pairing: ot7 x freader smut: yoongi x reader chp-focus: jjk, ksj, myg

premise: a notorious casino conglomerate, took you in when you were young. you practically grew up alongside their sons; inseparable from the oldest, infatuated with the middle, and engaged to the youngest

summary: accused of murdering your best friend, you team up with a vengeful detective in an effort to uncover the secrets of the family you swore your loyalty to

characters: detective!jungkook, bartender!yoongi, bestfriend!seokjin, ceo!namjoon, fiancee!taehyung, model!hoseok, therapist!jimin

genre: 18+ smut slow burn angst romance thriller mystery eventual yandere casino!au organizedcrime!au arrangedmarriage!au revenge!au

wordcount: 7k

warnings: explicit smut, rough sex, todays theme is JEALOUSY, manipulated consent (emotional blackmail), teasing, manhandling, fingering, dirty talk, breast play, crying, penetrative sex, rough oral (m), power plays, a very sexually charged card game and limo ride, a whole lot of SEXUAL TENSION, jin is a FLIRT, suggested dacryphilia, toxic relationships (jin sir pls u good), petnames--princess, mourning/angst, jungkook is hot and COLD (tsundere), obsessive themes, blackmail, guns, character death (nonrelevant), alcohol, gambling, fear, mention of psychiatric treatment

taglist: @raynom @gimmythatjib00ty @yoshiure @greezenini @victoryscreech61 @tbzhubrecs @namjooningelsewhere @sugarcoffeemochi @jiminie-08 @jinssexytoe @kooookie @only4sana @pinkcherrybombs @taeslarityy @natalie-rdr @mageprincess7 @hopeonysus @bibbykins @sameifnn @shadowmoon21 @juliemae80-blog @gaeguuliii @dvalitaes @satorinnie @fournia @kassandravictoria @jazmine2904 @marslena @iloverubberduckiez-blog @manchuria @btseverafter7 @jamlessstars @doublebunnykoo @you-are-my-wind @toughbook @mini-euphoria @lvrseok @n4mina @imjinvolved @rp171198 @codeinebelle @itsallabouthedetails @btseverafter7 @just-me-and-myselfs @blonde-bummer @hcneybees @babycoffeefire @totallynoanalien @seokjinkismet @itslanaanditssad @rhyperia @sporadicfuryface @azazel-nyx @hani-neko-nee-chan (rest of tags on reblog)

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The smell. The distinct smell of false hope. Strong enough to cover the heaps of despair and loss which built it. The casino was ever lively—money on the table, green on green. The sounds of hearty laugher audible over the subdued jazz. Behind the polished bar, Yoongi watched over the crowd with caution. A smile painted on his face like art, unmoving but beautiful to those who looked upon him. He’d chat up his patrons, expertly pouring drinks, movements fluid as he created liquored masterpieces. The trust he held, like a chemist preparing a cure. Their lives locked in his palms.

He excused himself, towel thrown over his shoulder. His all black uniform a welcome contrast to his pale skin. Like a shadow he slipped into the back office. Within a small desk drawer was his pistol. A custom model—the five-letter branding so subtle only those who knew would be able to find it.

He held the weight of the gun in his hand. Nimble fingers tracing along it’s contours. The metal was cold to touch—and he hated it. He hated the life he had been thrown into against his will. But he did it for you.

And you hardly knew. You were utterly blind to the leash which held a vigorous hold around his neck. Even on nights where you’d kiss him so sweetly he could almost forgive you.

Ears tingling from the absence of the pounding music, deep-set laugher. Laughter only those with no care in the world could afford. The silence reminiscent of the void in his heart. He loaded the weapon. Locked in the cartridge and stared down the barrel. You’d look beautiful with it stuffed down your throat. But more likely, it would be Jin pointing it down his.

Tucking the gun in his back pocket, his shoulders relaxed.

A window to the casino floor showed a weak reflection. The fear in his eyes still hiding amongst theatrics of bravery. The fear that the Kim heir had beaten into him with his raw fists. The crooked man who you worshipped was a menace. But you worshipped the ground he walked on, and Yoongi simply couldn’t break the spell.

He returned to the bar. Smile wide with charisma. Despite the pulse of the casino around him, the weight of the gun dragged him down. A harrowing reminder of who he belonged to.

Yoongi hated gambling. It was his least favorite thing about you, yet you knew not of the high-stakes gamble he played almost every night. With every strategically poured drink and every charming conversation, he collected fragments of information, forging alliances and defying destiny. With every step, he embodied the dual essence of a bartender and a gangster—making him a valuable piece in Kim Seokjin’s game.

“Promise me something” The night before, you looked at him with so much adoration, he swore he could melt into your touch.

“Don’t fall in love with me. Because I can never love you back”

His lips parted, shocked—breathing in. Met in seconds with a kiss so incredibly hot that he could feel the burn even hours later. His palms immediately cupping your cheeks, lips pressed tight against yours, unwavering. The pain searing with your words made him dizzy. Made him nauseous. You were sickening, addictive and he craved you insatiably. 

Deeping the kiss as he tilted your head back more. Eyes shut—lost in the feeling. Everything vanished. There was only him. Only you.

He pulled you in closer—lifting you into his arms. Soft moans escaping but neither of you separated for long. He didn’t want to part. Didn’t want to breathe. He wanted to be consumed by the crippling mess you were. Lips sliding across your jaw—peppering hot kisses down your neck. Your fingers weaving through his hair, guiding him. He gripped your hips gently, knee slotting between your legs.

“Promise me, Yoongi” You exhaled quietly, breath uneven, shaky. “I need you to say it”

Yoongi’s teeth grazed over your ear as he grunted in irritation. Fingers intertwining with yours he finally backed away, meeting your eyes.

“We can’t do this unless you promise” Exasperated, he cupped your face again, thumb tracing your bottom lip fondly. You grabbed his wrist, begging him with your eyes. Your voice was quiet. So quiet he could feel your words without hearing them. Lust burned in his gaze—eyes darkening.

The pain was delicious. The ache burning in his heart. He had never entertained the thought of ever having feelings for you. Never rendered the possibility. He understood the arrangement well. But hearing you say it. Seeing the way you looked at him. The way you kissed him, let him touch you, let him make love to you night after night.

“Yoongi, please” Words had a way of ruining the most beautiful things. Yoongi wondered if he had just stayed quiet, would the pain never come? You began clawing at his shirt, popping the buttons off one by one. Yoongi hissed, tugging at your lip warningly. Blinking at you for a second, he seemed to weigh his options. He lifted you up, allowing you to wrap your legs around him.

Staring at you a moment, everything slowed down. He grew annoyed. Why would you say that to him—you didn’t know him. You had no way of knowing whether or not you could love him so why cut off the possibility? Would it really be so wrong? He would care for you. Far better than any of those Kim bastards ever could, anyway.

“Yoongi” You screamed, back slammed against the wall. His hands hovered over your shoulders, fingers hooked under the straps of your bra. Swiftly he pulled them off, allowing it to fall into a puddle on the floor, his shirt following. Yoongi simply chuckled, pushing two fingers down your throat.

Yoongi pulled his fingers out, smirking slightly at the way your eyes quivered. He slid his hand down your body, under your panties so he could paint your quivering cunt with his wet fingers. He watched you carefully as he drew small, tight circles on your clit. His other hand on your neck, thumb tilting your chin up to face him.

“Yoongi stop” Your voice was tiny, almost afraid. The sound only made his heart pound.

“Fuck no” He growled. He dipped his fingers into your cunt, allowing his palm to flatten as you unconsciously grinded your hips against it. Curling his finger, he pumped in and out of you—your eyes rolling back. His lips going down your chest, dragging your bra down with his teeth till he could round his lips over your tender nipples.

A loud moan left your lips, causing him to hiss. Pulling his finger out he turned you around, pushing your chest against the wall before gripping your panties and tearing them in two. It burned against your skin, a dizzying sensation in your head as you heard the fabric rip. Immediately he pumped two fingers back inside, teeth grazing over your shoulders. His belt unlatched, you felt his hard cock slap against your ass. He pushed you down, bending you over with a hand tight  on your neck, holding you steady.

“Who the fuck do you think you are huh? You came onto me, bitch. You don’t call the shots anymore, I do” You whimpered as his thick head pushed in. He lifted you onto his cock, chest pressed up tight against yours—looking nowhere except deep into your eyes.

You sank down so perfectly. Your tight walls hot against his pulsing length. Your legs wrapped around his waist so tight he could barely move. It was emotional, the way you held onto him as he rolled his hips, pulsing into you. Staggered breaths. Sweat on his forehead.

Harder. His hips jerked at the sound of your pussy, dripping out with his every move. Your eyes blasted with lust—lips parted, so incredibly fucked out with pleasure it had him salivating. Pretty little moans as he fucked into you.

Tight. Fast. Lost in your sensation. Eyes rolling to the back of his head.

His lips nipped at your jaw, tasting the sweat glazed over your skin.

“Where can I come?” His voice was hoarse. Low and broken with need. You stilled yourself, sliding off of his throbbing cock until you found your feet and stood. Within seconds you slid to your knees, mouth wide open—eager to please.

He swore you had never looked more beautiful.

He admired your face. Lips swollen, pressing his flushed tip between them, eyes wide with a false innocence. Swiping the drool away from the edge of your lips. You let your tongue wrap around his length, cautiously, exploring across his veins, watching his reactions as you tightened your cheeks around him.

Yoongi’s eyes rolled back, hissing as you began to bob your head up and down. Sloppy, saliva dripping everywhere, the obscene sounds exemplified by you taking him throat-deep, gagging all over. He chanted like a mantra, “Just like that…fuck…just like that”

Both hands on his base, you worked him vigorously, enjoying his throaty moans echoing throughout the room. He bucked his hips, tugging at your jaw as he pushed further down your throat. “Always so good to me”

His hand moved to your forehead, his grip on your head leading you along his shaft, urging you to go faster. He thrusted his hips forwards, forcing you to take him all the way. Fucking your face roughly.

“You can take it, I know you can baby come on” Back and forth, he pulled his cock all the way out, letting you catch your breath before stuffing you full once again. You squealed around him, smacking your lips, pouring yourself into your movements.

Every fiber of his body shuddered as he came, twitching and jerking as he spilled deep in your throat. You licked up every last drop.

He dreaded the silence that followed the beautiful storm. He pulled you into an embrace before you could think too card. Laying you down, peppering you with kisses. Loving ones.

He didn’t know you, and you didn’t know him.

But he wanted to change that. He wanted to fight.

He nuzzled into your neck. Sweet. You blinked back tears. He saw this, growing concerned. “Baby I—I didn’t mean to be rough”

You shook your head, sniffling. “It’s not you I just” The tears spilled down your cheeks. Yoongi’s heart wrenched, reaching to wipe them away. His touch endearing. “I don’t want to hurt you”

Yoongi pressed his lips against yours. Long, sweetly. A tired, exasperated kiss that seemed to say you’re incredibly, utterly perfect.

“I just don’t make promises I can’t keep”

You had cast a spell on him and he was undoubtedly cursed.

The next morning, Kim Seokjin had arrived at the suite. The broad man appeared much friendlier in person than the magazine shoots he had seen him in with his infamous mother. Likely his same age, he was undeniably handsome. Brown eyes that incited mischief, yet with a softness that was almost genuine.

Almost.

You had answered the door, wearing a fluffy casino robe. Unphased when you saw your dear friend. He looked at you briefly, before his eyes shifted to Yoongi who was still in bed.

“Morning princess” Tone was steady, smile evident, but Yoongi could see the irritation in his eyes.

“Hey” You greeted him politely. “Did you need something?”

Jin’s gaze was locked on Yoongi. “Actually, I’m here to talk to him” You seemed to pout. “Don’t worry, it’s just work stuff. Give us a minute, okay?”

Reluctantly, you wandered off.

Jin painted another smile on his face, entering the room. He walked up to where Yoongi had stepped out of bed. “Yoongi—right? I’ve heard great things about the tips you bring in”

There it was. The tricky power games that were synonymous with Kim Seokjin’s reputation.

“Yes sir”

Jin grinned at his attitude. “Now, Yoongi. Man to man. Where do you see this” He gestured his hand, “Going?”

Yoongi pursed his lips. He knew getting involved with these kinds of people was always complicated. But he was in too deep. He wasn’t going to give up on you just over some baseless threats. What he really wanted to know—was how the fuck Jin knew where you were? Was this motherfucker having you followed?

“She came onto me, sir”

“Oh I know” Jin chuckled, “She was nursing a broken heart, poor thing. My idiotic brother crushed her, so she’s acting out”

Namjoon. Yoongi recalled.

Jin’s gaze was intense—serious now, in contrast to his playfulness earlier. “I want you to understand something, Yoongi.” He took a seat on the bed. Leaning back, his hair flipped over his forehead. “I’m allowing this. For now.”

“Sir”

“There will be a time where I’ll need you to back off. And you’ll do it, otherwise your dean is going to get an interesting phone call”

Yoongi swallowed thickly. He didn’t like being threatened. How could you live like this? Did these guys interfere in every part of your life?

“Yes sir” He responded, humbly. Jin seemed satisfied.

“One last thing” Jin stood up, brushing the dust off of the lapel of his designer suit. He rest his hand on Yoongi’s bare shoulder. Skin cold to touch. Grip firm. “Hurt her, and I will kill you”

You made your way back eventually, noticing Yoongi’s shifted demeanor.

“Sorry, I know Jin is a lot sometimes” You kissed him, crawling into his lap where he sat, defeated. “He’s just looking out for me. We’re like best friends”

Yoongi scoffed. How naïve could you be? He knew crazy when he saw it, and that man was no friend of yours. He looked at you, eyes softening once he saw how cutely you were grinning.

“I’m glad he approved” You beamed at him. “This means, we can like, actually hang out…if you want”

God, of course he did. He would follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked. Interestingly, Jin was welcome to Yoongi after that day. You would bring him along on weekend getaways, Monaco, Bali, Paris and Milan. Jin would be there, occupied by his own vices while you and Yoongi got lost in a honeymoon haze. Sharing your darkest thoughts under the eastern sunrise, to hushed confessions under the northern stars. He learned you. Knew you like the back of his hand. Your quirks, likes, irritations and dreams.

“You’ve seriously never had feelings for him?” He asked you one day. You made a face.

“I’ve only ever loved Namjoon” Ouch.

Yoongi was skeptical. Frankly because Yoongi knew you were in love with him from the way your eyes would light up talking about him. Your memories from childhood, or the intimate laughs the two of you would share. You followed him like a little lamb, adapting his crazy lifestyle and engaging with his elitist friends. And after the glimmering lights would go down, you’d make your way to Yoongi, who was…

What was he?

A dog. You had him on a leash, Jin had him in a cage. He was a mutt allowed to you out of pity, to distract you from the real things that were controlling your life. Yoongi’s job was to give you a semblance of control. A sexual outlet, a shoulder to lean on.  

And Yoongi hated you. Hated who you were around Jin and hated that no matter what he did, Jin would be a huge part of your life. Even if he did somehow, miraculously, make you fall in love with him, make you feel for him what he did for you without a doubt—Jin would still have control. Yoongi was useless in his shadow. It enfuriated him. Drove him mad. What lengths would he have to go to get you? What would it take for Kim Seokjin to back the fuck off and let you live your own life?

But your life was never your own. And now here he was, all the loyalty paid off into dust as he tended the bar at your engagement party. It was ridiculous. Did he truly mean so little to you—that he wasn’t even a guest? Let alone the fact that it infuriated him you had to marry one of these twisted, god-awful Kim boys against your will.

In front of him, the man of the hour—the so-called Kim Taehyung, sat with a dirty smirk on his face, eyes drilled onto the pair of die rolling in his palm.

“So”

It was in the job description. Make conversation with the guests. Yoongi had been around long enough to know how to make men like Kim Taehyung feel great about themselves, in more ways than one.

“Been a while since you’ve been home huh”

He set down the shaker, straining the drink mix into a margarita glass with a slight flick of his wrist. Taehyung watched the steady pour of the liquid.

“Absolutely” He smiled, although Yoongi could tell it was fake. “I had to come home. See my family—my brothers. After all,” He flashed his forearm at Yoongi, where the Kim crest was neatly tattooed, same as his brothers.

Yoongi squinted. He knew about the tattoo. He had seen it, both on Namjoon and Jin. He knew they got it after their mother died. But as far as he knew, Taehyung had left at a fairly young age, not keeping in contact with his family. Taehyung hadn’t been around for his mother’s death.

Right? Yoongi pursed his lips. Taking another look, he watched Taehyung carefully. Round eyes, thick lips, small fingers in which the dice rolled.

He looked familiar. Yoongi swore he must have seen this man somewhere before. He knew nothing of where Taehyung had been for the past ten years. According to you, no one did.

“Please excuse me,” Nodding politely, Yoongi rushed off into the storage room. Grabbing his phone, he googled the man you were about to get engaged to.

Kim Taehyung.

Nothing.

Nothing at all—not even so much as a media article on the engagement. No photographs, nothing.

But I know I’ve seen you somewhere.

He went to his own camera roll, scrolling aimlessly in an attempt to jog his memory. Would it have been school? The casino? He couldn’t figure it out.

Until he saw it.

A group picture. From a dinner one of his professors had invited him to. There he was—Kim Taehyung.

Except there was no way, Yoongi would have remembered if he met someone with that name. Was he going by an alias? Who was he?

Dialing his professor, he gulped the sour bitterness in his mouth.

“Yoongi? Odd time to be calling—is everything alright?” His professor greeted him kindly.

“Hi sir. Sorry about that I just have a quick question. That dinner you invited us out to…there was another person there who was not a student. Could I know their name?”

His professor chuckled, “Oh, sure. That was Park Jimin—he was a student of mine who now runs a private practice, pretty upscale clients apparently.”

Hanging up abruptly, Yoongi ran back out to the bar.

Yoongi didn’t like anything about it. But he had little time to ponder over it when suddenly you walked in, and he swore his heart stopped.

He couldn’t breathe.

Because it finally hit him. Had he told you everything he held inside? Had he made sure he savored every last second he had you? He couldn’t think. His mind went blank, red with rage—even moreso when Taehyung stood up in front of him and went to go see you.

He watched as he pulled you onto the dance floor—you hate dancing, Yoongi thought to himself. He watched as the man touched you, the lust in his eyes shamelessly evident.

He felt like throwing up. He prayed and prayed that you would stop. He wanted you to get away from him, he wanted you to be in his arms.

And his prayers were answered, as the ceremony was brought to a startling halt.

“You’re under arrest for the murder of Kim Seokjin”

Yoongi’s eyes darted towards the small ensemble of law enforcement that pushed through the crowd towards you, led by a man in a dark coat. Handcuffs clicked around your wrists and you were being dragged out. Yoongi ran to the entrance before they could take you—reaching out with assurance

“Y/n—listen to me” Your eyes were void of emotion. Frozen with complete and utter shock at the news. “Don’t say anything without a lawyer okay? I will meet you at the station with bail money”

You nodded slowly, but Yoongi wasn’t convinced you had heard him.

You were gone. Arrested. Yoongi spun around to scan the crowd—it was a critical time after all. Where was Namjoon? Yoongi looked on, searching for the Kim heir who was nowhere to be seen. His eyes landed instead on Taehyung who stood in the middle of the dance floor, a small tug at the edge of his lips.

Playing with those goddamn dice.

-

Jungkook’s mind went blank when he saw you. Breath quite literally stolen from his lungs. Never in a million years would he admit just how pretty you looked tonight. The soft fabric of your engagement dress fell against your body just right. Your face glowed, glitter on your eyes. Diamond choker on your neck—simple and yet dazzling.

Your lips were his favorite. Plump and glossy pout on your bored face. He wanted to kiss you. He wanted to taste you. He wanted to tear it all off and ruin you.

Jungkook wasn’t cruel. He didn’t intend on arresting you in front of everyone. But the vile jealousy that built in his chest when he saw the way your fiancée, Kim Taehyung, sweep you onto the dance floor—he couldn’t help it.

The burning sight of Taehyung’s hands on your waist, face a breath away from yours, lips so close to your neck. The way he looked at you—way you looked at him. You barely knew this man—how could you look at him like that?

He had to stop it. Fists clenching he decided to arrest you then and there. The way your face fell when you saw him was priceless. You seized up at his touch, the soft click of the cuffs around your wrists where your ringless fingers lay limp. Slow, shaky, tears budding in your eyes but never spilling.

Oh how he would love to see you cry.

The moment he had you outside, all hell broke loose. You were livid. Dragging your ankles into the ground like a little brat. Rolling his eyes, Jungkook decided it would be far easier to toss you over his shoulder rather than continue putting up with your antics.

“Put me down you fucking asshole, I didn’t do this!” You screamed, kicking your pointy heels into his back. “Where the fuck is Namjoon huh? Why aren’t you arresting him, if anyone had motive—”

Jungkook suppressed an urge to snap back at you. Setting you down harshly, he pinned you against the side of his car, forearm by your cheek.

He paused, looking deep into your eyes. The rise and fall of your chest calling him closer. You glared at him with such spite. Such disgust. The thought of planting his lips on yours crossed his mind. Put that all that pent up anger to good use.

“Fuck you Jeon Jungkook” You hissed, your hot breath against his cheek. “I’m gonna get you thrown off this fucking case you piece of shit”

“That’s enough” His fingers gripped your jaw, forcing you to look up at him, “Do you really think any other officer in there is going to take on a case to arrest Kim Namjoon for murder? This is my chance to finally tear that stupid family to pieces and I’m not letting a spoilt little cunt like you get in my way”

Jungkook hadn’t realized how loud his voice got by the end. You looked petrified, nodding slowly. His heart squeezed as he could see a tear forming at the corner of your eye.

He let you go. Shit. Your best friend had died. You likely were just hearing about it. Clearly in denial or putting on a brave face for him. For the crowds. Turning away, he opened the door.

“Just get in”

Huffing, you did as he said, slamming the door closed. Jungkook slid into the driver’s seat, starting the engine as he looked over at you again. A tear finally spilled from your eyes, causing Jungkook’s heart to jump. Dammit. Reaching nervously into his coat, he pulled out a handkerchief, handing it to you.

His fingers brushed against yours as you took it. Your skin was cold—instinctively he grabbed your hand. You flinched at his touch, pulling away but Jungkook grabbed it again, tightly, pulling it back towards him. His hold unwavering.

“I am sorry for your loss” Jungkook’s eyes softened with something bordering concern. Gulping he released your hand, diverting his gaze. A reluctant blush painting his cheeks.

Jungkook knew you weren’t his culprit. As much as he loathed you, he had no vested interest in your demise. You were collateral damage. Unfortunately for him, the Kim’s had police tucked deep in their silver lined pockets. He had to be careful. Someone was always watching.

Clearing his throat, he put the car in drive, pushing the temperature higher to help you warm up. Turning out of the parking lot, he figured he should try and get some information off record before everything you would say would literally get used against you.

“Where were you last night?”

You scoffed. “You’re not getting a fucking word out of me.”

God, he forgot what a pain in the ass you could be. Spoilt brat. “Y/n” Jungkook’s voice was stern. “I can make your life hell, or I can help you. And trust me, I’m not someone you want as an enemy”

You chuckled bitterly, “Yeah because otherwise you’d be fucking obsessed with me like you are with the Kim’s”

He slammed his hand against the wheel. “Answer the damn question, Y/n”

“Getting ready for my engagement—which you crashed, by the way”

Jungkook’s tongue rolled against his cheek. “You didn’t want to marry Kim Taehyung, did you?” He needed to know. Needed to be sure you didn’t actually care for that man.

You grinned. “Why, you jealous?”

He looked you dead in the eye. “Yes”

That shut you up. Jungkook bit back a smile as you processed his response. “Enough with the attitude. Who was making you do this—was it Jin?”

You groaned, tugging at your handcuffs in irritation. “No, it was Namjoon.”

Jungkook pursed his lips. That wasn’t true. He debated if he should tell you now or wait until you reached the precinct so you could see it with your own eyes. He had hard evidence that painted Namjoon even more so as the culprit.

Jin wanted you to marry Taehyung.

Namjoon didn’t.

⟶ One Day before the Murder ⟵

The scratch of a record. A soft echo of jazz filled the glass walls as Namjoon stood, staring out the window. The 52nd floor. Looking out at people scurrying in the dark, small as ants, truly meaningless. His employees thought he was given this office, unaware of the blood spilt for him to truly position himself as the inheritor of Kim Enterprises.

Namjoon was forged in the shadows of the charming, alluring Kim Seokjin. And Kim Seokjin was gold—magazines chased him, models threw themselves at him, colleges begged for him to attend. To the world, Jin was perfect. Which meant Namjoon had to ascend perfection.

So he did.

Jin would spend his nights partying while Namjoon would study hard. Seokjin would sleep around while Namjoon ran for miles. Seokjin would get lost in the limelight, drugs, alcohol, sex—Namjoon abstained. He was focused on one thing: he wanted his throne.

The 52nd floor was his right. The cage he had built for himself. Here he was untouchable.

Here he felt, absolutely broken. Alone. Moreso because he had spent the day preparing for your wedding. His heart ached inside his chest. He wanted to vomit. Each time he’d see your name on a wedding card or an article, he felt like he was getting brutally stabbed in the chest.

You probably didn’t know. Of course you didn’t—but Namjoon had grown truly fond of you lately. Jin had moved out at a young age, wanting to freely bring home sexual partners. You and Namjoon remained living at the Kim mansion for a few years now. The two of you had a banter—ever since the night he took advantage of you, he knew you no longer had feelings for him. He had seen the way you changed after that. While he was ridden with guilt, the hurt made you blossom into someone else entirely. You became confident, sexy, and never let a day go by that Namjoon didn’t regret treating you better.

He kept you at a distance because he needed to stay focused, but things were getting too real now. You were getting married.

You were leaving him.

And he only recently admitted to himself that he loved living with you. He loved the way you would bug him while he worked. Loved the way you would throw little tantrums when you couldn’t figure out what to wear, or after a shopping spree you would come home and try on everything for him, ignoring anything he would have to say. He would miss walking past your room to see you lying on your sheets, blanket on the floor, pillow tucked in your hold—sound asleep. He’d pick it up and cover you, admiring your face as he did.

“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”

Like a punch in the gut, Namjoon let out a sharp breath. Turning, he faced his college friend, Jung Hoseok.

Namjoon hated being vulnerable. So Hoseok was a great friend to have—because he was hardly ever in town, being a self-made supermodel. He was low risk. Disposable.

“No” Namjoon grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. Hoseok chuckled, seating himself on Namjoon’s desk chair. He was wearing a bright blue jumpsuit—hair a shocking silver white.

“I can’t tell you how many bets I have that you’d fall for her one day. Damn, I’m gonna be rich”

Namjoon rolled his eyes, “I didn’t fall for her. I don’t give a shit about her”

Hoseok scoffed, “Mhm, sure. What I don’t get is why this fucking wedding is happening. You’re the heir now can’t you call it off? Don’t marry the woman you love off to your brother, that’s just fucked up man”

There were many times he wanted to tell you the truth. But he had worked too hard to give up his dream for you. When his mother died, Jin had agreed to surrender his birth-right to the company on two conditions.

“In exchange for the company, one of the things I had to promise Jin was that this marriage would happen”

Hoseok raised his eyebrows. “Really?” He rubbed his chin, “Interesting. What’s that about?”

Namjoon shrugged, turning back to the window. It was something he often wondered. If Jin cared about you so much—why would he force you to have an arranged marriage? To Taehyung, of all people. Taehyung who none of them had seen for over ten years. Taehyung whose whereabouts only Jin knew. And his mother, of course.

“I don’t know. But I agreed” And he knew you wouldn’t forgive him for that if you knew. He rolled his neck, denying the tears building in his eyes as he thought about you in a wedding dress, walking down the aisle next to him as he let you go. Forever.

He didn’t want your hand to leave his. He wanted to be on the other side. He wanted you to come towards him.

“What was the other condition?” Hoseok’s voice shattered his fantasy.

“He wanted to keep Nexus—Y/n’s mom’s company that my mother got in the will. I didn’t give a shit about it so.”

Hoseok raised his eyebrows, smirking slightly. “Nexus, huh” He mumbled under his breath. Licking his lips, he pulled out his phone. “Kim Seokjin—just what are you up to you little bastard?”

Namjoon pulled out a cigarette from his breast pocket, lighting it quietly. Taking a quick puff, he exhaled the smoke.

"I can't let her do this" His voice was hoarse. "I can't do this to her. She deserves to choose"

Hoseok rolled his eyes, standing up and walking besides Namjoon. Pulling the cigarette from his fingers, he grinned widely.

"I thought you’re the smart one, Namjoon. Jin's the problem. Get rid of him"

It wasn't as if the idea never crossed his mind. Namjoon hated Jin. Everything about Jin make him want to vomit, and yet, this was a line he couldn't cross.

Could he?

-

“All in”

Jin cursed inwardly. Your long fingernails traced along the edge of your cards, eyes flickering between your hand and the man in front of you. Dim casino lights accentuating the glitter on your lids, the pop of your lush lips which were grinning ever so slightly. You always looked gorgeous to him but tonight you were something else entirely.

His breath was heavy, palms sweating as he clenched his fists in desperation to keep it together. To keep his hands off. You blinked his way, innocently as if you were unaware of the teasingly low cut of your dress. The spill of your chest as you pushed your chips towards him.

As if that wasn’t enough. You laid your cards down right in front of him. Sliding them across the table. Pair of kings.

Jin didn’t even care. You would always win. And he loved that about you. It was as though you knew his thoughts before he even had them, always one step ahead, reading between the lines. You were a force to be reckoned with ever since Jin first took you to a backroom poker game years ago. With pride he’d observe your nonchalance—sending bratty chaebols running to their mother’s in tears after you swindled them out of their trust funds.

Seeing you at the table was something else. When you were in your element, your eyes would light up with a fierce blaze. With a slight of hand, you turned thousands into millions overnight. But you were never in it for the money.

You were in it for the kill. 

“Fuck this, come here” Tossing his own cards aside, he beckoned for you to come to him. He needed to touch you. He couldn’t hold back.

Grabbing your wrist, he pulled you into his lap. Your scent was intoxicating. Familiar, and yet addictive. He placed his lips softly against your neck. You giggled, pulling away but he wasn’t about to let that happen.

“When did you get so pretty?” His finger trailed up your neck, tilting your chin up. Things had been tense between the two of you. The soft touches, the lingering stares—he was flirting with you. He knew he was, but he wanted to. So badly he wanted to tease you, rile you up and watch you unfold. It had taken every ounce of his self-restraint not to touch you in the shower that morning—something which hadn’t left his mind since.

“I’ve always been pretty” Your response was cocky, as expected. “You’re usually too drunk to notice”

“That” He nipped at your jaw between each word, making you giggle in the process “Is not true”

He allowed his fingers to aimlessly brush against your thighs. He looked at you enticingly, nothing but mischief on his mind. He pinched the fabric of your dress between his fingers, wanting to tear the damn thing off. Your hand covered his, halting him in his tracks.

“Tell me you don’t like it and I’ll stop” He sighed into your skin, tongue licking under your jaw. Your sweet skin was addicting to taste, and it didn’t help that he could feel you trembling in his hold. You were confused, he knew you were. But he could see that you wanted him. He could feel it.

He hugged you closer—chest to chest, feeling the drum of your heart on his. He wanted to fuck you so bad it hurt. He was so sure he had never been attracted to you this way. Of course he loved you, there was never any question about it. But you had been like a sister to him your whole life. Lately he found himself wanting you in a way he shouldn’t. He couldn’t.

Because you were getting engaged to his younger brother. And he had known that all along.

“Jin,” Your voice was barely a whisper, “Why?” It was a valid question. One he was not ready to answer. His advances had hardly been subtle.

“You said I wasn’t giving you enough attention. So here we are. Just me…” His finger trailed up your thigh, “you” From the table, he pulled out a single card, twisted between two fingers which he slid down the side of your face before pulling it away so sharply, a drop of blood trickled from your cheek.

“And a deck of cards” He leaned in, lips brushing against the tiny cut in a soft peck. 

“Stop fucking around Jin” Standing up from his lap, you looked him dead in the eye. “I’m getting married to Taehyung. Your brother, who you love.”

Jin tilted his head in irritation. He absolutely hated being told no, it wasn’t something he typically had to deal with. Frustration boiled in his veins, the confusion so overwhelming it made his head spin.

The reality that he was falling for you. Hard.

He gulped, staring at you. Eyes softening as silence filled the air. He felt choked, throat gripping in anticipation of what he should say next—if he would actually say what he knew you both were feeling out loud.

There was a knock on the door. Instinctively, Jin grabbed your wrist, holding it firmly.

“Mr. Kim, you have a phone call”

The door opened, allowing one of Jin’s guards to walk in and hand him his cell. You motioned to excuse yourself, mouthing the word 'bathroom'.

Jin nodded, pressing the cell to his ear. 

“Mr. Kim,”

The distorted voice through the phone gave him chills. His heart pounded through his head, veins pulsing with anger.

“Did you forget about me?”

He glanced at his guard—whose eyes were questioning him with worry. He tensed his shoulders before nodding at his guards softly, indicating for them to act accordingly.

“You’re making this too easy Kim. Shouldn’t leave your most prized possession unattended. I could just snap her pretty neck”

Jin could only hear his own racing pulse. Anxiety gripping his chest with desperation—you couldn’t be in danger. He had no idea the chaos that would ensue if there was even a scratch on your body under his watch.

“Then again, I’d much rather snap yours”

Jin lunged forward, a mere millisecond before a bullet shot through, piercing his guard in the gut. The man fell over, not before two more guards arrived in a panic. Blood began to pool on the dark red carpet. It was almost despicable how the color matched.

Jin felt dizzy, his body acting purely on instinct where his mind simply couldn’t catch up. He could feel a heaviness in his throat, but now was not the time. Where were you—you went to the bathroom—he had to get you out of here— and so he ran. Faster than he ever had. Mind empty except for the need to keep you safe.

Slipping quickly through the hall, Jin rushed over to the bathroom, locked from the inside. He pounded against the door, a sweat breaking across his forehead. What if—no. Don’t think like that.

He shuddered, imagining the worst. Throwing himself at the door, he screamed out in frustration.

“Y/n!” He never used your name. Not unless it was serious. “It’s me, we need to go, now” He paused, catching his breath as he heard the lock click from the inside. The door swung open and there you were, a disoriented look on your face.  

“What’s going on—” Without so much as a second thought, Jin grabbed your wrist, pulling you through a back exit—ignoring the blaring fire alarms that went off as he kicked the door open. His guards pulled a car around.

Settling in the back seat with you glued to his side, he barked at his guards “Safehouse, now”

He was trembling. Not even realizing how tightly he was still holding your hand. So lost that he didn’t hear you calling his name frantically—“Jin what the fuck is going on?”

A shaky exhale left his lips at your words. Almost out of sheer desperation he turned, pulling you into his lap where he cupped your face. You were so close. Close enough that he could almost taste the sweat on your neck. You held him, allowing his hands to roam your body in assurance that you were alive. That you were okay.

He tried not to entertain the thought. To appreciate that you had survived, but his mind couldn’t help but wander as he gazed into your sweet eyes—what the fuck would he have done if something had happened to you?

His eyes shifted from your eyes to your lips. He gulped. He needed you. Tempted to slam his lips onto yours, but instead just breathing you in, letting his eyelashes brush against your face. Holding you in a tight embrace. Tears rolling down his face.

It was as though in that moment, everything became so clear. For a moment he swore that nothing made more sense than you in his arms. You consumed him. You were a fever, he woke up burning, went asleep in sweats—he craved you, like a man on the brink of insanity. If this was love, he wanted to drown in it. He couldn’t breathe—not if you weren’t besides him. You were beautiful, flawed, and simply everything he ever wanted.

“I can’t—”

He choked on a sob, looking at you again. There was more said in those two simple words. Everything he needed to communicate, and he knew you would understand “Princess, I can’t”

The tears fell harder. His walls came crashing down, all he had held back seemed to overflow. The fear of losing you triggering so many pent up emotions that he couldn’t take it. His body trembled.

“Fuck” He cried out in frustration, almost tasting your lips against his own. Fingers tightly intertwined in your hair. He didn’t have it in him anymore. He couldn’t hold back.

Except he had to.

“Jin,” Your tone shifted. He understood it—it was pleading. Your eyes were wide with confusion, with want. Your lips—your sweet lips, he could only image how amazing they would feel. The world would fade away in an instant and he would be lost in your touch. He would kiss you everywhere. All night long. He would never let go.

His breath was shaky, cutting his desire to cry harder. Letting his eyes fall shut, he pushed you off of him, turning his back towards you. He could hear you scoff and swore his heart shattered. He didn’t want to hurt you. He was equally perplexed at how quickly his love for you and surfaced within the past few days. It had been there all along, but now that you were forbidden, it came pouring out of his every move.

He shook his head. There was no point in starting something that couldn’t be finished. If he were honest with you, you would end up getting hurt in the worst way possible. If you knew all the lies he had told you, all the secrets he kept. All the ways in which he used you as a puppet for his own gain. Jin wasn’t proud of who he was. And surely, you deserved better.

“I’m sorry” The words hung heavy in the thick, disappointing silence. The tension throbbing in his veins as the drive continued on in the dark night.

The second the car pulled into the safehouse, you pushed yourself off of him—jumping out of the car. Jin followed as you began to run—grabbing your wrist before you could.

“Let go of me” You hissed, tugging at his grip.

“No” With a jerk of his arm he pulled you towards him.

Cricked chirped in the dead of the night—there was no living soul for miles. The stars shone brightly through the chilly wind and there you were.

Kissing him.

-

⟶ Years before the murder ⟵

“Tell me about the dice”

Back & forth. The steady creaking of the bed as the patient sat, curled up into himself. Across the room Jimin sat, waiting, observing. The patient was staring into the palm of his hand. Two red die, rolling around in his palm.

He had been at it for a while, not uttering a single word. But Jimin was trained for this. He was nothing if not patient. He could dig at his patient for hours until he would get them to bend to his will. Persistence, determination, delayed gratification, these things came to him easily.

Jimin cleared his throat, “Nurses are telling me you throw a fit when they try to take those away from you. It must bring you a lot of comfort”

The patient continued to ignore him.

“I understand you are very fond of playing cards” Jimin flipped through his files. “Want to tell me about that? Do you like gambling?”

The patient stilled his wrist, closing his long fingers over the dice. “She gave them to me”

Jimin raised his eyebrows. Finally. He was breaking through to him. He was so close to getting what he needed he was practically salivating. So close to getting all the information he needed.

He set his notebook aside, resting his elbows on his knees. He looked at his patient with sincerity. He was careful with the way he spoke, never wanting his patients to feel patronized, judged or scrutinized. He needed his patients to trust him. To confide in him without holding anything back.

“Why don’t you tell me about her, Taehyung?”

⟵|| previous || next ||⟶

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thanks for reading you cutie <3 have a great day!

nexus (m) part 5

focus: jungkook x reader, seokjin x reader, taehyung x reader | smut: seokjin x reader

summary: a notorious casino conglomerate took you in when you were young. you grew up alongside their sons; inseparable from the oldest, infatuated with the middle, and engaged to the youngest. after a shocking murder, a detective with a vendetta drags you into unraveling a web of dangerous lies that cause you to question who you trust, and who you love

characters: detective!jungkook, ex/bartender!yoongi, bestfriend!seokjin, ceo!namjoon, fiancee!taehyung, model/gangster!hoseok, therapist!jimin

genre: 18+ smut slow burn angst romance thriller mystery eventual yandere casino!au organizedcrime/mafia!au arrangedmarriage!au revenge!au

wordcount: 7.5k

warnings: proceed with caution. soft yandere vibes but nothing too explicit, angst, arguing, pool sex, unprotected sex, pet names (princess), arms dealing mentions, jin has some dom energy i guess, taehyung gives solid yandere vibes tbh, choking, strip tease, masturbation, LOADs of sexual tension, flirting, a sickening amount of making out, taehyung tries to kill you but not really, manipulation, firearms, discussions of mental instability (inaccurate), power dynamics, misogyny, feelings of betrayal, heartbreak, anxiety, fainting, taehyung is cold as ice ice baby, jungkook is angsty, jin is a sexy bitch, character death

taglist: @raynom @gimmythatjib00ty @yoshiure @greezenini @victoryscreech61 @tbzhubrecs @namjooningelsewhere @sugarcoffeemochi @jiminie-08 @jinssexytoe @kooookie @only4sana @pinkcherrybombs @taeslarityy @natalie-rdr @mageprincess7 @hopeonysus @bibbykins @sameifnn @shadowmoon21 @juliemae80-blog @gaeguuliii @dvalitaes @satorinnie @fournia @kassandravictoria @jazmine2904 @marslena @iloverubberduckiez-blog @manchuria @btseverafter7 @jamlessstars @doublebunnykoo @you-are-my-wind@toughbook@mini-euphoria-deactivated202302 @lvrseok @n4mina @imjinvolved @rp171198 @codeinebelle @itsallabouthedetails @btseverafter7 @just-me-and-myselfs @blonde-bummer @hcneybees @babycoffeefire @totallynoanalien @seokjinkismet @itslanaanditssad @rhyperia @sporadicfuryface @azazel-nyx @hani-neko-nee-chan (rest of tags on reblog)

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Your eyes fluttered open. A familiar feeling of unease sweeping over you as your mind calibrates. No longer were you dreaming of Jungkook’s strong arms around you. His fingers exploring the expanse of your skin.

His lips—his eyes, everywhere.

No.

He was a Jeon.

You couldn’t fall in love with a Jeon.

There was a shadow casting over you. At the edge of your vision, an ethereal silhouette standing in your doorway.  Enveloped in a dark silk robe. His open collarbones striking in contrast.

Eyes sharp. Precise. Memorizing you.

“Morning” You rubbed your eyes. He said nothing.

“I said good morning, Taehyung”

“It’s 3 in the afternoon” His voice was ice.

“Well,” You sat up, running your fingers over the expanse of your soft blanket. “I hope you haven’t been waiting for me”

Taehyung scoffed slightly.

“I know better than to waste my time waiting for you”

A knife twisted deep in your heart. His words were so bitter. Tone nonchalant. Running his fingers through his jet-black hair. Taking a better look, you could see the ends of his hair were damp. Beads of water on his neck.

He went to your bedside, pouring a glass of water. His arms—those subtle veins—flexing as he did. He looked up at you. His expression shifted. Glossing with rage.

The glass shattered in his hand.

“Shit” You got up, pulling him away from the shards. Brushing fragments off of his robe “Fuck Tae—”

“I see the hickeys all over your chest.” Your eyes widened.

“Excuse me?”

He reached out shamelessly, fingers tracing along your collarbone. A subtle trail of his blood. Dipping into the sweetheart of your neck. His fingers slid up to your throat, pushing your chin up with his thumb.

“Taehyung—”

His grip tightened. Every single one of his fingers wrapped around you like a vice. You could feel the hate in his touch. The resentment on his skin.

“It would be so easy to send you exactly where you belong.” The edge of his lip quirked. “In hell, with my bastard brother. You two deserve each other”

His dark eyes possessed you. You became hauntingly aware that he could probably just kill you. That 10 years of resentment and isolation would brew all kinds of complicated problems.

He released you. You gasped for air, collapsing over yourself as his menacing eyes remained steady.

“What do you want, huh?” You folded your arms over your chest, “I apologized. I begged for forgiveness. The least you can do is tell me what I’m apologizing for.”

Taehyung was younger than you. But watching the expression around his eyes you could tell he’d been through a lot. He was dark—tortured, hurting inside and all you wanted was to take it all away.

“What the hell did they do to you?” You sat back down on the edge of your bed. Taehyung towered over you. Tongue rolling against his cheek.

“Detective Jeon’s father” Taehyung started, “Killed your mother.”

Oh so we’re just diving straight in. Inhaling sharply, you gave him a nod. “I know”

Of course you knew. It was fueling your latest dilemma. Your mantra every time Jungkook kissed you so deliciously and you had to pull yourself back to the reality that he was, in fact, a Jeon.

“Well, I’m the one who saw it happen” Taehyung began to tremble slightly, sliding onto the barstool with you next to him. You set a hand on his knee. “I told hyung, because I was so fucking scared. I thought he would hurt you next. When hyung gets angry he…”

A small smile spread over your lips. You were no stranger to Jin’s anger. How terrifying he could be in the, albeit rare times he would lose his otherwise charming demeanor.

“He had me point out who killed her. He took me with him and he shot Mr. Jeon. Like a maniac. Then he turned around and told the Chairwoman that I pulled the trigger. And my mother…was furious. I think she may have been having an affair with him”

Not just an affair. You mused. She ordered the fucking kill.

But he didn’t need to know that.

“She was furious at me. I was young, and I allegedly had killed someone. Naturally, she sent me away to get psychiatric help. Jin was her shining star, of course. The first son. She believed him over me”

Taehyung’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment. It reminded of you when you’d watch him doze off in your lap. He really did have such beautiful eyelashes.

“That man who was impersonating me, Dr. Park—he was on my care team. He was instructed to give me pills to keep me from being stable enough to leave the facility. Jin orchestrated all of it. He kept me locked up for 10 years, just so he could have you all to himself. I figured it out. Stopped taking meds. I figured out he was trying to impersonate me so I began to lie to him. Hoping that someone I trusted—you, Namjoon—someone would notice he wasn’t me”

You held your hands out. Reluctantly, he placed his palm against yours, letting you squeeze. His eyes flashed. They were starved for affection, you could tell. He must not have had anyone to support him. To touch him. To keep him out of his mind.

“What do you need from me to fix this?” You blinked up at him earnestly. He simply held your gaze. Words apparently caught, as he gulped. “Because I will do anything”

“Time”

Fair.

“You’ve changed” It was meant as an insult. Of course, considering what Taehyung knew of you. A naïve, innocent girl who believed in fantasies. “Do you still play cards?”

Your grip on him tightened excitedly. “I do. Would you like to play?”

He squinted at you. “Later. Detective Jeon called for you” His eyes went back to your bruised chest. You wondered how he was able to figure out so much without any words.

Letting his hand go, you rose to go get changed. Taehyung’s hand brushed against your elbow, stopping you.

“Princess” He breathed shakily.

“Yeah?” You looked back at him.

“Did you and my brother…were you together?”

You smiled. Thinking back to the last night you saw him. The sweet moments before chaos erupted.

“No” Your fingers twisted against the fabric of your tank top. “We did not get together”

Taehyung nodded, heading for your door. He slowed down, for barely a second. Not even looking at you.

Hauntingly soft, he whispered:

“I’ll always know when you’re lying to me, princess”

- The night of the murder -

His plush lips melted against yours. He kissed you like you were a craving he couldn't shake. Like those lips weren't the very same ones spewing the lies that made it impossible for you to trust him. As if he could break through to you through the tug of his teeth against your bottom lip. Or the soft breaths he'd breathe into you.

It was everything. From your fingertips to your head, every inch of you brought to life. You’d never felt anything like it. Dizzy with need, you kissed him back harder, wanting to get lost in him.

He exhaled, barely able to catch his breath. His eyes were so sincere, so in love, you felt your throat get caught. Your chest burning.

“I love you Y/n” He had said it in one fell breath, cursing as his lips continued to move against yours. You could have been flying, you’d never quite felt so high.

“I-I love you too, Jin please”

“Fuck” The growl in his voice had you weak in the knees, “Princess you say my name like that I swear I’ll” He bit into your bottom lip softly, nose tracing yours. His words were caught, and you felt him stiffen.

“So do it” You blinked at him, gripping his shirt so tight it could tear. “Come on, Jin. I won’t tell. You won’t tell.”

His hands circled your hips. Pinching the fabric, tugging at it unconsciously.

“But then what, hm? Princess? I can’t let you go once I’ve had a taste”

“So don’t let me go.” You pleaded. Jin looked away. “You hate that I am getting engaged. You hate when I flirt with your friends. You hate that I have Yoongi. You’re jealous.”

You dropped your volume “Because you want me just as bad”

Jin looked into your eyes and you swore you could see his heart breaking. He was so beautiful, so twisted and yet you adored him.

“Princess…your mother” Jin stroked your waist tenderly, speaking softly. “She didn’t like me. At all. She specifically put in her will that if you and I ever got married you would lose control of her company. Of Nexus. Otherwise”

Jin smiled in defeat, gazing into your starry eyes. “I would have made you mine the second I could”

And just like that. Nothing—nothing was going to keep off of this man.

The safehouse was surrounded by a pine forest. The air was chilly, the stars glimmering in the sky. The back pool was glowing with underlights—the blue marbling reflecting off your face as you sat poolside, legs like a pendulum, kicking against your thoughts.

Jin slowly made his way outside after making the two of you a drink.

He handed your glass to you. Clinking it against his own before you both took a sip. A mutual decision to lose inhibition.

“You okay?” His question was sincere. You stared back into the pool. The edge had a small, sleek fountain. Pouring in more and more—but never overspilling.

You downed your drink. Welcome the burn down your throat. Jin took a seat on the firm cushioned pool chair. Legs spread, resting his elbows on his thighs. Swirling the glass against his wrist as he watched you.

His chest muscles pressing against the fabric of his button-down. He had popped a few buttons open, revealing his smooth chest. The glowing light reflected in his smouldering eyes. Eyes that were on the edge of danger. One word away from snapping.

You set your glass aside. Leaning back on your palms, stretching your neck back.

“You didn’t touch me in the shower this morning”

He took another sip.

“We’re just friends”

You got up, the water dripping down your legs. Facing him. Your dress was already scrunched up, but you looked Jin straight in the eye as you hooked your fingers under the straps, letting it glide down your frame.

“You’re right” You responded. A grin hooked on Jin’s face.

“You really are beautiful, princess” His voice was breathless. His compliments only fueled you. You loved his words like they were silk ribbons against your bare skin.

Next was your panties. Dragging them down your legs—you tossed them towards Jin. Without flinching, he caught them.

He was clearly amused. Intrigued to see what you would do next. Your naked body shivered in the crisp night. Nipples hard and aching to be touched.

“You like playing games with me, right Jin? Making bets”

You jumped into the water. Wading your way to the other end of the pool.

“Sure, princess”

“Then I bet you can’t come into this water and not fuck me”

“What’s in it for me?” He tilted his head, taunting you.

“I win, you take me out of this stupid marriage deal. You win—and I’ll give you Nexus”

His eyes flashed with interest. Thumb running against his jaw and he considered your offer.

Without an answer, Jin finished off his drink. Kicking his shoes off he stepped into the pool—clothes on. Wading towards you.

You could see his chest under his shirt now—the water bleeding through the white. He approached you. Inches away. Not touching.

And then your fingers slipped into your cunt. Without leaving his gaze.

Lips parting, you gasped. You pumped yourself, your other hand falling onto Jin’s neck. His pupils widened when he realized what you were doing.

“You really have no shame”

You let out a soft laugh, but the heat in your core was overbearing. Your fingers trailed up Jin’s neck, cupping his jaw before you pushed your thumb between his lips.

And he sucked it.

Shamelessly.

You surged with wetness.

You floated closer to him still, watching the way his mouth moved, Imagining against your throbbing pussy.

You added another finger to your cunt. Jin’s tongue pushed out your thumb.

“You feel good, princess?” His voice was coarse. You bit your lip, whining as you nodded.

“Yeah” Your voice was embarrassingly whiny. “M’ wanna come”

“What’s that?” Jin taunted, his gaze darkening on you. You could feel the heat radiating off of his skin.

“Wanna come…for you” You slide your mouth against his. He kissed you firmly, his hand reaching down, gripping your wrist hard and pulling you out of yourself. Replacing it with his own two fingers.

He cursed, as you clenched down on his fingers. His thumb rubbing against your clit. Slowly.

Your foreheads pressed together. Mouths open, breathing each other in.

“Wanna come”

“Not yet” Jin growled.

“Please” You whimpered softly. “Let me come”

Jin smirked, his other hand curling around your neck. “You listen to me.” He growled. “You come when I fucking tell you to come. Is that clear?”

How were you not supposed to get more turned on by that? You soaked his fingers and his grip on your throat tightened.

He pulled his fingers out so fast, it made you dizzy. The night thing you knew he was lifting you up, pulling your thighs apart so you could wrap your legs around him. His jaw slacked against your neck, sucking your skin as you cried out into the night.

“Fuck” He hissed, “You’re so hot” He cupped your breast, pushing it up to meet his lips. He sucked on your nipples in tight tugs—before widening his mouth so his tongue could flick at you.

Flipped you around—you back against his chest. The buckle of his belt pressed against the cushion of your ass. His hands fisting your breasts. Lips behind your ear.

You were so overstimulated, you wanted to cry. You could come from these teasing touches alone—and you knew he knew it. Your body was glowing despite the cool water it was submerged in. Every cell alive with desire.

He gripped your throat again, pulling you back to him so he could kiss your neck. His hair brushing against you, making you feral.

And then he unzipped his pants.

Pushed himself inside you.

“Go ahead” He ordered. “Come”

The pressure of him filling you up had you shattering. You screamed as you came all over his cock, squeezing the life out of him as he hissed violently. He didn’t move, just let you spasm with wetness while he felt every bit. You lost your balance, held up only by his fingers on your neck and breast which were still squeezing at you.

He filled you up so painstakingly good. And the fact that he just snapped so suddenly had you twitching all over. You’d never come so hard in your life.

If anyone were to see you right now, they’d see a man dressed in drenched business attire fucking a fully naked woman against a pool wall.

Fuck.

“You lost” You mumbled, reaching back to touch his cheek. You turned your face as much as you could to look into his eyes. “I won”

“I don’t give a fuck” Jin growled. “You’re mine now”

You smiled blissfully as his heavy cock dragged out of your cunt before slamming back inside you. The water in the pool spilling out over the edges. Splashing wildly.

“Jin—yes” You pouted with pleasure. “Oooh fuck, yes”

He took his time. Each thrust harder than the previous. And he watched your expression. The way your eyes rolled back, lips parted almost drooling at how good he was fucking you.

“So fucking tight for me, Princess—fuck” He dug his teeth against your ear. “You know how many times I’ve thought about this—ramming my fat cock into you while you whine and beg for me just like this”

He slid out, turning you to face him. He took a moment to smile, a look of incredulous disbelief in his electric eyes.

“My good girl” He tugged your bottom lip. “My pretty girl” His lips glued to yours. Lingering “You’re mine princess”

You nodded, humming against him. He rubbed the head of his cock against your clit—not leaving your lips for more than a second.

“Why’d you give in?” You asked him.

He slid back into you seamlessly. And you felt right at home. Gazing into his eyes, lips locked, with him inside you.

He rolled his hips, bouncing you up and down on his length. Your fingers scraping against his back. Finally grabbing a fistful of his hair and tugging it. Jin hissed, biting at your lips. His hands on your ass, squeezing the flesh, digging his fingers in.

He licked your teeth, then your lips, before pushing his tongue into your mouth.

He gripped your jaw, tilting your chin up.

“Look at me, princess”

You did.

He sheathed himself inside of you. “Come”

And you exploded.

He had you on command. The power he held over you was absurd but you loved it. You loved him.

“Good girl” He stroked your face. The aftershocks consumed you as you whimpered. He coaxed you through it. “There you go, princess, you’re doing so good” Pecking kisses at the edge of your lips as you cursed out.

He slid his hand between your hot bodies, rubbing your clit as you writhed in his hold. He kept you cumming until there were tears in your eyes. And you were begging him—screaming for him to stop.

All the while, he kept digging into you. His pace picking up but his gaze never leaving yours.

And by God the way he looked at you—that was someone in love. So possessed with the flaming adoration and desire that reason flew out the door. He’d kill for you. He’d die for you. You had no doubt in your mind.

And then darkness came knocking into your mind and your high dissipated. You were supposed to kill him tonight.

Your eyes softened at him. A tear rolling down your cheek. Jin slowed his pace, looking at you with concern. He swiped the tear away with his thumb.

“Princess” He whispered, nudging your cheek, “Everything okay?”

The tears began to stream down faster. Jin move your arms so he could hold both your hands, still inside you.

“What’s wrong?” The possessive edge in his voice was evident.

You sniffled.

“I love you so fucking much Jin”

Jin buckled over, digging his nails into your wrists. You could feel the hot pressure burst between your legs.

“Fuck” He cursed loudly, pounding into you at a punishing speed as spurts of cum painted your walls.

He calmed down, pulling you into a tight embrace. Kissing the back of your shoulder.

Facing you again, cupping your face in his palms. He searched your eyes.

“The only way you’re getting engaged tomorrow is over my dead body, princess” He promised. “You’re mine now, forever”

- Present Day -

Jungkook wasn’t sure if you’d even want to see him after how the two of you left things the previous night.

Guilt seized him.

“Why exactly are you putting us in a room together?” Across the room, Park Jimin sat, handcuffed to his chair. The light hanging above illuminated his glimmering eyes. Hair tousled. “You know I can just tell her that it was you. I was Jin’s therapist—I know you two were—”

Footsteps echoed from the hall.

“Shut up.” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

He felt his heart get lighter as you walked into the room.

You. Causal. Jungkook’s cock twitched. Those little shorts that made him want to just grab at you. A long-sleeved hoodie that covered your hands. This version of you, he swore he was obsessed. The version not hiding behind all the Kim’s blood money.

Jungkook knew you were attractive. From the time he lost his breath seeing you at your engagement, until now. But right now. Despite the tiredness in your eyes. He swore you’d never looked hotter.

He reached out for your hand.

The moment you touched; both of your eyes met. Some sense of understanding passed between you.

I’m sorry.

I know. Gazing into your eyes had become such a familiar thing. He couldn’t pinpoint when, but you went from antagonizing him to being a source of comfort.

You were still a brat. And he’d tell you as much.

“Sure, don’t mind me as you eye fuck each other” Jimin’s voice interrupted the tender moment.

Jungkook's fingers intertwined with yours, forming a reassuring grip as he guided you to a seat beside him. The warmth of his touch lingered, his thumb tracing gentle circles on the inside of your wrist—a silent promise that he was there by your side.

"Y/n, Dr. Park. I want to walk through the timeline of the murder with you both to see where your stories diverge. Now, I don’t think either of you did this," Jungkook stated with a calm resolve. “I think it was Jung Hoseok.”

Jungkook felt the tension ripple through you.

He watched as you looked at Jimin. Examining him with distaste. Thoughts running rampant in your mind—he just wanted to climb inside and hear what you were thinking.

“No.” You cleared your throat. “It was me.”

“What?” Both Jungkook and Jimin were startled by the sudden confession.

“I killed Jin. Arrest me”

Jimin’s brows furrowed. Jungkook was simply shocked.

“Y/n this isn’t funny.”

You brushed off his question, pulling your hand out of his grasp. “I hated Jin. I knew about his years of scheming and lies. I knew that he was trying to get hold of my mother’s company after his mother gave everything to Namjoon. And I knew that he wanted me to get married to Taehyung so that he could deem him mentally unstable, send him away again, and steal my shares through the board once we got married”

“Y/n” Jungkook tried to get you to look at him, but you wouldn’t. Your eyes were on Jimin, communicating who knows what to that crazy manipulative bastard. “If you confess, I will actually have to arrest you”

Jimin was quick to interject. “Wait. Hoseok was there that night too, wasn’t he?”

You flinched.

“Y/n. For the love of God just walk us through what else happened that night. Don’t leave anything out. You can trust me” Jungkook urged you.

You pursed your lips. You were playing another game—he could see it in your eyes. Were you lying—why were you lying—and who exactly were you trying to protect?

“Yeah. Fine. Hobi was there. Luckily for me, because Jin and I got into an argument as I figured out what he was up to, and he got so angry that he—” You inhaled sharply “He hit me. So Hobi punched him”

A ringing struck Jungkook’s ears. He hit you. Kim Seokjin laid a hand on you.

A seething rage ran through his veins. He stood up, unable to contain the anger. Needing release.

His fists clenched as he did his best not to punch through the wall.

"That bastard. God, if he wasn't dead, I'd kill him myself,"

Your words from the previous day lingered in Jungkook's mind: "I've grown up around men like that."

For all he knew, Jin had been abusive this whole time.

Jimin smiled, “Funny you say that Detective” Jungkook shot him a look.

"I'm fine, okay. Hoseok and I go way back. He had been setting Namjoon up for months, putting the idea into his head to kill Jin by making Namjoon jealous that I was going to get engaged to Taehyung, and that it was Jin’s fault," you explained.

"Namjoon... and you?" He searched your eyes for an explanation. You avoided him once again. “Well couldn’t you have married him instead, I mean?”

Jimin chuckled, "That was Jin’s doing. Namjoon was totally in love with her. But Jin made sure that she was alienated from him after he assaulted her. He made Namjoon promise it would be Taehyung, convincing him it was what their mom wanted"

“What?” Jungkook’s jaw twitched.

“He did not assault me” You assured him, “He tricked me into giving him my virginity. How’d Jin even know about that?”

“Baby girl,” Jimin spoke steadily, “Jin knew everything about you. I wasn’t lying about the cameras. He monitored you like a hawk”

A disturbed look passed over you.

"Okay. Hoseok came and punched Jin, and then what happened? Did he shoot him? " Jungkook urged you on.

"No. I did”

Jungkook ran his hand through his hair, frustration evident. “You and me. Outside, now”

-

Jungkook directed you to an empty investigation room. Worn out and frustrated as he shut the door behind you.  

He didn’t say a word. Hands finding your hips.

Lips taking your life away.

You craved him. He groaned against your mouth, breath hot and fingers desperate. Lips tangling under a cloud of denial. Searching for a sweet escape.

“Y/n—we do need to talk—” Jungkook hissed in pleasure, forcing himself to part with you. He inhaled you, tracing his nose against your jaw as you arched your back into his touch. Chest heavy with want.

“I missed you” You moaned softly against his mouth.

Jungkook bit back a smile. Eyes ghosting from your eyelids to your lips “I’m sorry” He took on a more serious tone. His thumb running up and down your throat. “About last night”

“Jungkook, I loved last night” You spoke breathlessly. “It was the first good night I’ve had in a while”

Jungkook's fingers traced gentle patterns on your skin as he spoke. The soft glow of a nearby lamp accentuated the contours of his face, casting shadows that danced with the weight of his words.

“Why are you still lying to me, Y/n?”

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, and your fingers found solace in the tousled strands of his hair. The scent of his cologne lingered, a familiar comfort amidst the chaos of your thoughts.

“Have I not proved myself to you? You still don’t trust me”

“You don’t trust me either, do you?” you asked, your voice a mere whisper that hung in the charged air between you. “Are you gonna let me go?”

You nudged him with your nose, a silent plea for honesty. “Are you gonna arrest me?”

He held your gaze, a storm brewing in the depths of his eyes.

“I—” Jungkook's voice caught, emotions raw and unfiltered.

“I hate that I’m falling for you.”

Your eyes widened. His confession was wildly uncalled for and sent you into a vortex of your thoughts.

Blush painted his cheeks. Speaking from the heart was evidently new territory for him.

“And I can’t stop.”

Your heart trembled. Fuck. You felt the same. You knew it, despite everything. You didn’t think it was possible to love so soon after Jin. Jungkook wasn’t Jin. He was simple. Exactly who he showed up as. He wasn’t playing games.

You were. And you couldn’t hurt him like this any longer.

“You know this doesn’t end well, Jungkook,” you whispered, fingers tracing the contours of his face. “I have to marry a Kim to get my company back”

The realization hit you. You couldn’t marry Taehyung—Taehyung hated you. He would murder you in his sleep, and you couldn’t have that.

Your plan failed. You couldn’t blame this on Namjoon anymore. You needed him.

"You’d marry someone just for a company?" Jungkook asked, his low voice laced with disbelief and frustration. "I thought you hated the way the Kim’s controlled you. Why would you willingly tie yourself to them?"

Your shoulders tensed, a defensive response bubbling up. "It's not just about them, Jungkook. Nexus is my birthright, and I have responsibilities. It’s all I have. I can't just walk away from it because you don’t like the world it comes from"

You knew he wouldn’t understand. People like you were groomed to take over family businesses. All you wanted was revenge. On a life that robbed you of choice. To do that, you needed power. You needed Nexus.

"Why not?" Jungkook shot back, his eyes searching yours for a glimmer of understanding. "Nexus is dangerous—isn’t that the whole reason Jin was trying to keep you out of it?"

"I don't need you to rescue me, Jungkook"

His jaw tightened, eyes narrowing in a mixture of frustration and hurt. "This isn't about rescuing you! I can't stand the thought of you tying yourself to a family that's suffocating you when I could offer you something better."

"And what is that, Jungkook?" you challenged, your frustration mirroring his. "A life where I’m with the son of the man who murdered my mother in cold blood?”

Pindrop silence.

Aside from the harmony of your haggard breaths.

“What?” Jungkook’s large eyes quivered with shock. Did he really not know?

“You think your dad was killed for no good reason—well there was one. Actually.”

Jungkook looked down, “Y/n.” But you knew there was nothing he could say. He couldn’t change the fact that it happened. That the two of you had history before you’d even met.

A bitter laugh escaped you, "We could never work"

"You think I wanted this?" Jungkook exclaimed. "I despised everything about you. And I tried to resist it because I knew it would be complicated. But, fuck, I want you. You want me. I don’t know why, I don’t know when, but somewhere along the line, I stopped hating you”

Your heart melted at his words.

“And you became everything”

You stared at him. Disbelief. And then you were running into his arms. He was lifting you up into a kiss. The kind of kiss that drowns you. The desperation, the pent-up frustration from your argument—the hopelessness of what you felt for one another—was a beautiful concoction of flames dancing between you.

“Y/n” Jungkook mumbled but you wouldn’t leave his lips. Afraid if you did, the moment would end again. And you didn’t want to think. You wanted to fade away.

Your fingers slid under his shirt. Searching his muscles.

Growling lowly, Jungkook pressed you against the wall again. Eyelashes brushing against one another, his expression softened seeing your swollen lips and desperate eyes. Stay. His eyes called to you. Stay with me.

“I’m sorry” You whispered so softly, your words feathering against his skin. “I’ll go, Jungkook”

He grabbed your wrist.

“No” Jungkook closed in on you, “I’m placing you under arrest”

Hobi’s manicured nails traced along the sleek contours of a pistol. Custom made. In his pocket, he felt the vibration of his phone.

Setting the gun down on the glass table, he placed his phone against his ear.

You have a call from—

“I accept the charges” This should be good.

“He knows your name”

There was no time for greetings with you. You weren’t into the charmed bullshit like Jin was.

Hobi inhaled sharply. Fuck. If the investigation moved in his direction, everything would be at risk. All these years, he had been meticulous and careful. Flying under the radar of any and all authorities. You’d only know his truth if he was in business with you. To the world, he wore a carefully curated mask. A budding model. To explain the money.

Explain his sin-stained wealth.

You paused for a moment, “He knows you and I have known each other. He also knows you dated Jin”

The last comment was an accusation. He heard you loud and clear. He knew you well enough now after the last three years spent plotting this intricate web to recapture Nexus for you. After the Chairwoman died, he approached you. Told you the truth about Jin’s intentions.

“How long? When were you going to tell me—before or after we planned to kill him?”

Kim Seokjin was a good fuck. He talked too much for one thing, but Hobi didn’t really mind. He liked to be in control of the situation. Play both sides, if you will. Dating a man like Seokjin meant letting him think he was in charge, when in fact, the reigns were in his own hands all along. He knew about Jin’s psychotic past. His twisted quest. All of it.

Lying was natural to him. One of the first skills he learned. “I was just doing it to make sure he didn’t know what we were up to”

“But he did know. Before you showed up that night, that’s what we were arguing about. I knew what he was up to. He knew what I was up to. And I think you told him”

“Careful darling” Hobi’s voice was silk, “I’m not someone you want to play against”

“They were going to pin the murder on you but I got them off your scent because if they find out about you—they find out—”

“That your mom was a mobster” Hobi spoke plainly “And that Nexus distributes weapons”

Thus the reason Hobi knew about you. Your mother. His family. They were in business together. You’d grown up as loose family friends who lost touch as life materialized until Hobi decided to make his move. Everything precise. Everything calculated.

“Yeah. So I confessed. It was a bluff. I didn’t think he’d arrest me but”

“You poked the bear, I assume”

“We’re not pinning this on Joon. I need to marry him to get control. I refuse to marry Taehyung—swear to God that kid will kill me in my sleep. Figure something else out, or I will whip that Detective around my finger and get him to blame you for it anyway.”

Hobi felt bored, suddenly. Meaningless threats were of no consequence. He owned the police for all he cared. He was untouchable.

“I’m not sure little unhinged Taehyung will react well to you marrying Namjoon. Perhaps you should consider staying in jail. Considering you did pull the trigger”

He could feel your energy shift through the phone. And what you said next was the only time you’d ever managed to tilt him off of his high-horse.

“I did. But he didn’t die. After we left, I saw him again”

Namjoon was back in his home office, urgently responding to some emails. Even among the chaos—he still had an empire to run.

His phone rang. “What?” His tone snarky.

“Y/n’s been arrested” Hoseok’s amused voice filled his ears, “She confessed to murdering Jin”

Namjoon’s brows furrowed, “Why the hell would she do that? And why do you know about it before me?”

“Namjoon. Someone innocent is going to rot in jail for something we both know you did”

Shit. Namjoon sunk into his ergonomic chair. Hobi was right. But if he went to jail then who the hell would run the company?

“I can watch over things for you until you cut a deal. I’m sure they’ll offer you something” It was as if Hobi could read his mind. “I know you, Joonie. You won’t be able to live knowing she’s in jail because of you”

But the truth was that, Namjoon had doubts. He remembered going to the safehouse. He remembered getting into a fight with Jin—Jin who was already battered up.

He didn’t mean for him to die. He had been drunk out of his mind.

“Namjoon” Hobi was persistent, “Don’t be like Jin. Do the right thing. Confess”

Fine. Namjoon shut his laptop and reached for his keys. He hung up the phone, rushing into the hall.

“Taehyung” He searched for his younger brother. He was still reading in the same position Namjoon had seen him when he returned home. He had to tell him what was going on. You were going to come home to him and he needed to know you’d be safe.

“Y/n’s been arrested for Jin’s murder. She confessed but—” He gulped, “She didn’t do it. It was me. I killed him, because I was jealous. I didn’t want her to get engaged to…well you…and Jin was the one forcing her”

Taehyung sat, soundless. Not a word, not a breath.

“I won’t let her go down for this. I’m going to confess. I may have to serve some time in jail—but I can cut a deal. They want to get to me anyway. She will come back alone, and my friend will be watching the company but” Namjoon panted.

He kneeled in front of Taehyung, palms to his knees. “I want you to know I missed you. I know we were never very close. But I hate what happened to you, I hate our mom for it, I hate Jin for it. You’re adjusting. You’re angry, and I understand. But you need to take care of Y/n. She’s our responsibility”

Taehyung nodded, as Namjoon stood up and rushed towards the door.

“Hyung wait!” Namjoon stilled. Taehyung never called him that before.

He walked up to him, before wrapping his arms around his shoulders. “Come home soon”

Namjoon’s otherwise cold heart was flush with love. He had almost forgotten what it was like to have family who cares. His eyes became teary—but he had not time.

He was going to save you.

“Dr. Park”

You sneered at the smirking face before you. In the shared cell, for the first time you faced him alone since everything went down.

“You’re so interesting, Y/n” Great. Not even here for a minute and he’s already psychoanalyzing me. “We both know you didn’t go through with it”

You sat down in front of him, making sure there was a good amount of space. He tapped against the wall aimlessly. The air was musty—even a little cold. You regretted not wearing leggings. Legs bare against the bench.

Jungkook's confession replayed in your mind like a broken record. His hopeful, big, gorgeous brown eyes turned wounded. He opened up for you. He lay down his vendetta, for you. And you simply couldn’t do the same.

Because this is so much bigger than him.

“You can tell me what’s wrong you know” Jimin said. For once, his voice wasn’t laced with amusement. “I know you don’t trust me, but I am a therapist”

“Why’d you even do this?” You spat, hugging your arms against your stomach. “What was in this for you?”

Jimin smiled. “Jin was unlike any of my other patients. He asked a favor, and honestly I was just so interested to see how this would all play out. It’s a house of cards blowing over. Brick by brick”

You frowned. “What would have happened if we didn’t figure it out? Were you planning on actually marrying me? Living with me for the rest of your life?”

Jimin shook his head. “That was never the plan. He needed someone to show up at the wedding. Jin never let Taehyung out because he was terrified that Taehyung would want revenge. So I was to stand in. Get married to you, and then disappear. After all, Jin wanted you to himself but he didn’t want to share you. He can’t marry you—it ruins his plans. After I’d disappear, Jin would say that Taehyung was back in in-patient treatment to the board and take your shares”

You raised your eyebrows. “My mom ran nexus without a man by her side for years. I don’t understand why I had to get married to get access to them”

Jimin clicked his tongue. “That was Jin’s doing. Chairwoman Kim oversaw your trust while you were in her guardianship. Jin leveraged the threat of Taehyung to get her to add the provision. Jimin grinned widely, “Then he killed her”

Your mouth went dry.

“Slowly—and made it look like cancer. But she also knew it was coming, so she didn’t give him the company. Kim’s will do what they do” Jimin marveled, almost in admiration. It made you sick.

Something in your gut twisted so violently, you wanted to hurl.

“And Hobi” You went on despite your state, “When did that start?”

“Oh that had been going on for a long time” Jimin waved his hand, “On and off. They were a bit toxic.”

“Did Jin know…about Hobi?”

“You mean who his family was? Of course he did. He knew about Hobi and Hobi helped him plot all this out. Later, Hobi said he found out you knew everything—I don’t think Jin knew you two knew each other. But they both stood to gain. If Jin got control of Nexus, Hobi and he would be in business together. Though in my opinion I think Hobi was also planning some sort of seduce, marry, kill type thing to expand his own power”

Was there even a single person in your life who was ever honest with you? A stampede trailblazed over your chest. You were bleeding out on the inside so much that it all began to go quiet. All began to feel numb.

“Why wouldn’t Jin just ask me for Nexus? Why go through all this—he knew I’d do anything for him?”

“Y/n, I’m a doctor. I work with intense patients and sometimes in in-patient facilities. People who see me are truly twisted. You can’t hope to understand why they act the way they do. Besides, your mom had gone to great lengths to make sure that Jin specifically kept his paws off you”

Why? You thought back. If your mother hated Jin why would she have let you spend so much time with him? With his family. The two of you had been inseperable.

“Wanna know something else that’s fun?”

You glared at him.

“Jin truly, genuinely believed that everything he was doing was for you”

Don’t say it. You looked down, blinking back tears.

“He loved you. He wanted to keep you safe. Away from gun dealers and mob life. He just wanted you to have everything you wanted without a care in the world. Jury’s still out on if it’s romantic—or just insane”

Namjoon burst into the precinct. Jungkook was at his desk, staring blankly at the screen in front of him. “It was me. Not her. I killed Jin. There you go. Let her go right fucking now” He went on to corroborate his story. It matched up. Him being drunk, arriving at the safehouse no doubt after you and Hoseok had left. A gun was there. Jin was already down. And Namjoon had oh so much motive.

Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder if all your lies and games had just been to protect Namjoon. You acted so indebted to this family of psychopaths—after what Namjoon did to you you were trying to keep him out of Jail?

He was thrilled suddenly. Namjoon away meant you were free. You wouldn’t be able to marry him, not yet—and he had time to show you that you belonged with him. Away from these freaks.

“Okay” Jungkook said, satisfied with the confession. He motioned to guards to take Namjoon into the cell. You and Jimin both were dragged out in exchange.

“You’re free to leave” Jungkook looked down, pretending to shift around the papers on his desk. He couldn’t look you in the eye—the pain was still too tender. Jimin didn’t need to be told twice. He fled immediately. But you, you stayed.

Jungkook looked up at you, annoyed. “What?” He was back to the spiteful tone with which he spoke to you when the two of you had just met.

“I know you hate me” You said quietly. Jungkook noticed the queasy look in your eyes, “But Jimin just told me—everything. And Taehyung is at home who terrifyies me. I guess what I’m asking is—”

“Thought you can take care of yourself”

There was real, raw hurt in your eyes. Jungkook felt a little guilty. He knew this had all been emotionally traumatic for you. He’d seen you fall apart and put yourself back together again multiple times already.

“Jungkook” You gripped the edge of his desk, losing your balance. Alarms went off in his chest. His pride dissipated as you fainted—he rushed to catch you before you hit the floor.

The light began to filter through your eyelids. Slowly you blinked, trying to understand your surroundings.

There he was. Your shadow.

“You’re awake”

Even lying on a hospital bed, Kim Taehyung didn’t give a flying fuck about you. Great.

“I’m glad”

You struggled to sit up as Taehyung neared you. He gently traced the edge of your face. His fingers were tender. Soft. You leaned into his touch.

“Don’t do that ever again” His voice dropped low. Flattening his palm against your cheek, his thumb brushed against the edge of your lips, “I can’t lose you”

Your lips parted in shock. His face was serious as ever.

“Also, there’s something you should know” He stood up, turning his back to you. Staring intently out the window.

Your chest seized with concern. You wondered what happened to Jungkook—if he was alright. You assumed he was the one who brought you to the hospital.

“Dr. Park was found dead last night” Taehyung paused. “He was murdered”

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a/n: its been a while since ive written so! pls let me know what you think!! scream with me!! who are you suspicious of! who are you falling for! i wanna know ;)

thank you for reading <3