Kim Seungmin Fanfic - Tumblr Posts

The Deal (Sneak Peak)

Summary: You are at the very edge of failing when your saving grace appear in the form of top student Kim Seungmin. But what happens when he doesn’t agree to save you? The only option is to strike a deal with the devil. And a deal should always be fair. So your grades in exchange for his dream girl sounds simple… Right?!

Kim Seungmin x reader

University! Au

Slightly enemies to lovers

Word Count till now is 30k and I have still 2-3 scenes to go! But I felt bad that I wasn't uploading! So here is a sneak peak till the real deal is here!! Read below and let me know!

@lethallyprotected

A typical Wednesday and you were staring blankly at the entrance wondering if a future as a barista was the only option left for you.

Your train of thought was rudely interrupted by a tall figure getting all up in your face. A tall brown haired menace. As the days flew by your polite smiles turned into sarcasm filled giggles and a pressing desire to annoy the fuck out of his majesty, the genius. So you looked up to meet his eyes and you were met with the usual picture of him frowning down at you.      

 "Can I help you?" You asked monotone, already moving away to prepare his order. He never tried anything else besides the bland americano.      

  He didn't move, only looked at me decisively. He leaned over the counter as much as he could "I don't want coffee. I want to talk to you" You stared at him. Did you want to be rude and deny? He deserved it but that would require your downfall so you swallowed your pride and nodded.       You quickly told  Shushua you would be a minute and leaded Seungmin into a quiet corner of the shop. You sat down and the staring match began. You knew this, this was a war of nerves. As a business major you knew he wanted the deal you presented but he was stubborn enough not to begin the discussion. " You thought about my proposal?" You probed gently.   

  After a brief hesitation he nodded and finally spoke. "I would be willing to help you" he stated simply. He was truly a man of few words. You hoped that didn't include his teaching.      

 "Wonderful!" You cheered " When can you start? I am in immediate need of attention" you joked just to see him squirm. He didn't disappoint as he light shifted his weight in the comfortable couch he sat.    

    "I don't work so we can follow your program" he stated dismissively. "Where do you lack?" He seemed more comfortable focusing his attention on your academic problem than his unrequited crush. Cute, you thought. 

     "Math is my main problem. I fixed my physics grade enough to pass through this semester. Maybe a lesson or two in exam season if you are kind enough." You listed, resting your head in your hand. You should sound dismissive and aloof and play your cards right this time.  

    "Okay we can work on that.." he trailed off,not knowing how to get on with the conversation. 

     "You should open an Instagram page" you suddenly said. He needed the exposure you had decided. He had the looks, he was smart if we worked on his manners he could get Soojin. 

      He scoffed, right back at his usual self. "And why would I do that?" He asked, now that you knew him a little, his voice filled with disbelief and irony.     

 "So you can show off your good looks to Soojin obviously "you stated, smirking. His relaxed, albeit a little uncomfortable, pose tensed. "It's adorable how tense you get when I mention her" you teased, lips curling a little not able to resist."What made you change your mind?" 

  "I thought about it. That it"  You looked at him. His jaw was clenched, his posture still tense and he was looking you straight in the eyes almost as if he was daring you to say it. 

 "Are you sure? Are you sure that someone didn't help in changing your mind? Like someone trying to get your girl. Someone named...Eric?"you waved your fingers together and touches your chin lightly on them.From the way his body tensed, his mouth was pressed into a thin line concealing his full lips and the slight of his head, you hit bulls eye."Well.. appearance wise I don't have a lot to fix. Personality wise though..we could do so much better." You innocently smile. "Anyway she is on social a lot, she often comes to take photos here, she even followed me. The first step we have to make is her acknowledging you. So genius boy... When are you free?" 

I have some minor changes to do!!! If I have some mistakes forgive me, English is not my first language!

The Deal

Summary: She was officially failing in life and most importantly in university! With her grades hanging of the edge of a thread and tutors rejecting her left and right her only option is to make a deal with the devil a.k.a Kim Seungmin.A deal should always be fair. Your grades in exchange for Kim Seungmin's dream girl. Simple?...Right?!

Word Count: 35k

Slight enemies to lovers, idiots to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff.

No warnings, some foul language.

AN: Finally it's here! Tumblr won't let me post it in one post, so I am forced to divide into two parts. Would you be interested in SKZ x Greek Mythology theme? Hope you enjoy!!!

Part 2

@lethallyprotected

    "Your tutor requested to be released from his duties"

"Again?!" You cried out, frustrated beyond belief. You started sweating in your seat. That was my 6th one! You thought, running your hands through your hair messing up the soft curls you had tried to make 2 hours or so ago. "Mr Marlow isn't there anything that I can do? Can't I do some extra credit?" You pleaded the professor that stood across you, desperation clear on your face.

   Mr. Marlow was slumped also in defeat in his plush rolling chair. His office was always the epitome of an organized chaos. Heavy books sat on top of his mahogany desk, some opened, some closed. Papers littered the surface, some with angry red notes accompanying them and some others filled with highlighted colors as to remind him of an extra important issue. 

      You always felt grateful that you had been assigned to Mr. Marlow, he may oddly resemble the white rabbit in the Alice in wonderland film personality wise, but he had a good heart and God bless him, he was so patient with you. He was the first teacher to show you such compassion and empathy and to push you to pursue more of your studies. He was an excellent teacher. And he wasn't obligated to sit and listen to you whine about your problems, but he was sitting there and trying to work out a solution with you. With great hesitation he opened his mouth "Maybe if you approached a professional?"

    You signed. "That would be way over my budget" you muttered regretfully. That would mean double the hours only to be left with crumbs. And you couldn't possibly ask your father of this.

     You signed once again and stood up with your bag on your shoulder ready to leave, slightly bowing to the old man before you. He had way more grey hair in the midst of his hair and beard since you had first met him you noticed. You bet that you were responsible for a good chuck of it. " Thank you regardless Mr Marlow. I will try to work it out" You made your way to the door with heavy steps before heading a rushed "Wait!" 

    He stood hurriedly from his chair and walked around the desk towards you, or more specifically towards to the large bookcase that covered his whole wall behind you, and started shuffling through more papers. You watched him, waiting for an explanation to his sudden manic frenzy. When he finally found what he had been searching for, he let out a yelp and turned towards you. "I shouldn't be doing this. I mean- It's not against the rules, but they wouldn't be pleased- Anyway! Y/N-"

    "Is this the part where you tell me you are my father and try to convince me to come to the dark side, professor? Because if it has cookies, let me tell you, I am already sold" you joked.

    Mr Marlow chuckled under his breath but moved on quickly. " This list that contains the names of the top students of our university. They may be of help to you. Try and persuade someone to help you, dear"he said grabbing a pen and scribbling down a note before giving you the piece of paper. A brief look in his smiling eyes and an other to the piece of paper with messy familiar swirlings on it and you were melting.

    "Thank you, Mr Marl" you smiled gracefully at him and bowed, deeper than last time, before taking the final step outside of his office.

 Now let the games begin.

 "So let me get this straight.. you will stalk the top three geniuses of the school to convince them to save your sorry ass from failing?" Yuqi provided, rather unhelpfully, in your humble opinion as she continued to stuff her face with her banana yogurt.

  "I am not stalking! I am watching them with an interest" you corrected her sternly. You were no stalker. You were a girl with purpose.

   "Sounds like stalking to me, but whatever floats your boat" she ironically replied. "Who will be your first target?" She said glancing at the instagram page you were snooping through. "Namjoon?"

    "I mean he is a literal genius. Who would be better to teach me than him?" You wondered out loud, fingers continuously scrolling down his page. He seemed nice, a little on the dorky side and smart. Not to mention handsome. "Well wish me luck" you said as you closed your phone and stood up.

     "You are going right now?" She asked, shocked at your standing figure.

     "Well, the semester isn't going to wait for me" you cackled and made your way to the table Kim Namjoon sat.

    It was not your first choice to approach him like this, but he always seemed to be running around doing this and that, which left lunch as the only safe option that didn't made you into a creep (in comparison to approaching him in a bar setting as you had contemplated). But now that you were approaching the group you were nervous, not only you had to ask a very attractive and smart stranger to tutor your failing ass, but you had to-partly- do it in front of his equally attractive friends.

     You heard a lively laugh booming from the table, a young man with a heart shaped smile was the source. You scanned them quickly, going through shades and shades of hair colors, before settling on the ash brown color that you wanted to speak to.

     "Kim Namjoon?" You asked, tone uncertain. Even though you said one name, seven pair of eyes turned to you. Every one more attractive than the next, you though dreamily. You briefly locked gaze with a short male with honey coloured hair and equally honeyed smile before an answer from your desired target caught your attention. "That would be me" a low voice answered you.

     You turned your gaze to the tall male. Board shoulder that enhanced his already tall frame, even thought his oversized tee and lose pants made it difficult to pinpoint, you were sure he was well built. Sand coloured hair, neatly cut, complimented his olive complexion awfully well. Small face, even smaller than yours even though you wouldn't admit it, straight nose and upon inspecting his smile a pair of adorable dimples. Yep, that was Kim Namjoon.

     "Can I talk to you for a minute?" You asked, politely, arms crossed behind you, making sure you were using your customer service smile.

      He looked at you, obviously not recognizing you and then back to his friends that wore wolfish smiles and eagerly nodded at him. "Uhhh..Sure" he replied, not yet sure of your intentions.

      "Come on" you said, leading him away from his friend's prying ears. You ended up a few meters away, standing a bit awkwardly facing each other. You craned your neck to make eye contact with him and decided to bite the bullet. "I know that this" you made a notion between the two of you "is random, but I have a big favor to ask" you started and lowered your gaze, not being able to look up now, you played with your fingers out of nerves. "Umm I know you are really busy, but I need help." You said, finding courage to look him in the eyes. " Truth is... I am failing in math and physics and you are the only one that can help me. I heard you are a genius and I thought that learning from the best is the best strategy." 

      Okay.. that could have gone better,you thought. But flattery and a pretty female face seemed to make him flustered... hopefully enough to agree. He opened and closed his mouth several times, hands raising to stroke his neck in shame and in embarrassment at your rough compliments. "Ohh...Umm.. I don't really know if I am the one that can help you. I am pretty busy-" he started before you cut in.

      "So am I! And I really need this! I wouldn't have asked you otherwise! You won't have to work hard! Just- just when I don't get something maybe you could explain it to me? Please?" You clutched your hands together in front of you, almost giving him puppy eyes. You were desperate and it showed. 

      "I-I don't know if I will be a good teacher but..." He looked uncertain and confused but an easygoing smile made its way onto his face "Sure! If I can help, I guess" he chuckled as he shifted his weight from one foot to another.

      "Thank you! Thank you Namjoon!" You said, particularly jumping up and down from joy. You couldn't believe it! It was so easy! You were going to make it!

You weren't going to make it.

You were doomed.

Namjoon was a sweetheart and a genius. And how did geniuses speak and explain? Apparently in a language you didn't understand or comprehend.

The gentle giant was true to his word and after you exchanged numbers you started going over the basics. For the record it was difficult to meet up.. Apparently everyone wants a genius in their project, so poor Namjoon was constantly running all around the place trying to fit it all to his hectic schedule. So you took it in a fast pace, trying to absorb as much info as you could and while Namjoon tried to help you (he truly did!) that only ended with frustrated signs and desperate stomps from you. Every word he spoke was like...like it was in an other language! You hit the first wall at physics and that wall extended into the math area and grew into a bigger and bigger wall and ended up like the Great Wall of China, separating your weak academic ass from the man who had an IQ of 148. 

    Sorrowfully you said your last goodbye at Namjoon, who in turn hugged you like the child he now thought you were and told you to call him whatever you needed.

    You signed.. it was already September! How would you be able to lift your grades by February? You couldn't give up though! Your part scholarship depended on it! So you pulled out the now crumbled paper and traced your finger over the second name. 

Kim Hong Joong.

You knew of him and his rowdy crew. Plus a close friend of his, Wooyoung, worked with you. You were on good terms with him, fortunately. He was way too cute for a guy in college you though, easy to talk to and with a breathy laugh, similar to those witchy cartoon characters, you like it though...not only it was contagious, but unique too. You would have to talk to him when you went to the coffee shop later, you decided. For now you slumped on your desk, ready for an exciting lesson on philosophy.

 After a good 3 hours of Aristotle's teaching you made your way to the cafeteria. Yuqi texted you a little while back, saying that her lesson ended early and was with Yuna to the cafeteria. You stood up shrugging on your thrifted university jacket and making your way through the crowd. The weather was perfect this time of the year, still hot enough from the summer heat with a light breeze blowing just enough to refresh you. The whole campus was still green and full of life, causing students to hang around the lawn. While you crossed the campus you catch a glimpse of the mess that consisted of Han Jisung. The short brunette was a ball of energy, that completely exhausted you while on the clock together, but his charm was incomparable. You still couldn't believe it that he had broken a dozen of cups and the manager just left him off the hook. You paused your walking to greet the boy.

   "Y/N! Hi!" He exclaimed, pulling you for a side hug. You smiled at him, greeting politely his friends as well. The brunette boy only stared at you, a single nod your only greeting while the taller of the two, a pretty boy with foxy eyes gave you an adorable dimpled smile, which you returned.

   " Hi! I haven't seen you almost a week." You replied, his absence from work painfully obvious. Thankfully you, at least, had Wooyoung, the funny man making the hours pass easily.

    "Oh yeah! I had to take some days off cause boss didn't match with my uni schedule. The semester barely begun and my professors gave us 3 new projects! To see if we lost our talent over the summer. Who says that?" He cried dramatically, but you were no better than him.

    "I know right?! Math has been beating my ass too" you whined, hosting your bag higher up your shoulder. You exchanged a look that only students who were failing could understand.

     "I get you. Not my best subject as well" he agreed as well.

     You smiled sympathetically and shook your head. "Anyway I got to run! Yuqi and Yuna are waiting for me! See you later Sung" you saluted, threw a last polite smile to your listeners and took the path to the cafeteria. You heard muffled whispers behind you, but you didn't pay much attention as you put your headphones on.

     Soon you were entering the cafeteria through the double glass doors, that overlooked a good chunk of the campus yard. You looked at the crowd trying to find the pair and just as you spotted a bright orange hair color in a space bun up do in the crowd, your front made contact with something solid causing you both to fall down.

     "Ouff!" A yelp escaped you as soon as you made contact with the floor under you. Ouch! You rubbed your aching bum as you checked yourself. Other than your headphones,that fell off (those darned wireless buds! I love you and hate you at the same time!) you were good to go. You lifted your head to see a petit girl, in a similar position to yours, only clutching her pink clad phone in her hands and letting a relieved sign. She lifted her head and-

     "I am so sorry!"

     "I am sorry!" 

   You both blurted at the same time, looked each other and burst laughing. You standed up, extending a hand to the dark haired beauty in front of you. "Sorry! I wasn't watching were I was going. You good?" you apologized as you pulled her up, inspecting her. Her short black skirt let you know that her thin legs were injury free, but you asked nevertheless, making sure.

   She smiled at you and showed her phone. "Nah I am good, only worried about my phone. Don't worry about it! I shouldn't have stood in the middle" she said as she dusted herself off.       

     "I am Lee Soojin" she said, extending her hand. She had glossy black locks framing her doll like face, which consisted of huge onyx eyes, a tiny nose and a set of full lips.Although she was the same height as you, she was thinner, almost fragile looking. She was dressed to the nines, a black skirt, a white fluffy top and loafers with a slight heel. She looked like a dream. Especially in comparison to you who wore flared jeans with a black tee, your outfit completing a pair of double soled black converse and your loyal thrifted university jacket. 

   "L/N Y/N" you said, shaking her hand.

   "I know.Sort of" she laughed a bit awkward in response to your raised brows. She knew you? "I often come by the coffee shop you work in. You get my coffee just right"

   Ohh."Vanilla Latte with one spoonful of sugar?" You asked, her face coming back to you bit by bit.

   "Yeah!"she beamed, unnaturally happy that her barista remembered her face. 

   "Nice to finally.. knowing you? " You joked, cocking your head. "I gotta go now. I will see you at the shop I guess" You said turning to see if Yuqi was still were you last saw her. She was. "Goodbye " you waved, before making your merry way to your table.

   "See you then"She called,waving. 

   As you made your way to your friends,you accidentally locked gazes with a boy who sat on the near table. Why was he looking at you so persistently? But then you noticed his gaze was still nailed to the spot, where your exchange with Soojin have been. You looked over your shoulder seeing Soojin talking with a tall male. Oh, well that made more sense, you snickered and started walking away.

   "Girl!" Yuqi exclaimed seeing you approach. "You okay? You fell on your ass pretty hard." She laughed that throaty laugh of hers, clearly enjoying your suffering.

   "I am glad my suffering and humiliation is funny to you" you murmured as you took a sit across her.

   "Don't pay attention to her, bub. You okay?" Yuna asked. She was always a motherly figure to the group, always asking and caring about you two. 

   "Thank you Yuna. I am fine Yuna" you answered sweetly, not looking to the direction of Yuqi. In response she laughed even harder, mocking me right back. 

   "Did you figure out what to do with your tutor problem?" The orange haired hirl asked as she was playing with the remaining food on her tray.

   "My second line of defense is Kim Hong Joong. I know him, sort of. Wooyoung is friends with him. I will try to get more info from him, I guess" you answered, unsure as you are a spoonful of the food the girls brought you.

   "And the third Kim?"she asked, mirth dancing in her eyes. She found it extremely funny that the top 3 students of the school were Kims'. 

   "Kim Seungmin." You muttered,against your bitten fingernails. Anxiety was not your scene. "I didn't find him on insta. I don't really know anyone who knows him. I will have to snoop around" Yuna swatted your bitten hand away from your mouth. 

   "I can ask some people if you want" suggested Yuqi, in the mist of a bite. You nodded gratefully towards her. Yuna looked between you two, several times before signing "You know you should stop talking like you are members of a mafia gang" she contemplated, finishing the last of her desert. 

   You looked at Yuqi, cocked your head and with one voice you both answered: "No"

   Yuna laughed, raising her hands as if she was admitting defeat, Yuqi and you soon followed.

   You were on the very edge to being late.

Once again your professor thought that, their lesson was the only thing taking up your time so he thought it would do you good to deepen on the subject. 

  For an extra half hour.

 Which left you with little time to no time to eat, cause queues in the cafeteria were a bitch and hurrying to make your way to your afternoon shift.

   When the coffee shop was on your line of vision, you were finally able to catch your breath. Usually the sight of the small coffee shop that was full of  glass covered walls and potted plants brought you a sense of calm. Today you were on edge though, not only you were running all the way from across campus, but you were going to ask Wooyoung about Kim Hong Joong's number so you can make contact with your second contestant. 

   As soon as you walked through the glass door, the sound of shutters going off greeted you. Your boss's idea to make the place instagramable was the best thing that could happen to her. Cute art on the walls, well placed neon lights, that were not over the top and fit the relaxing vibe of the shop were placed on bare walls, that the costumers could be photographed against. Cute cozy sofas and chairs in pale colors were all over the shop. A grand staircase by the bar lead to the second floor, which was reformed into a studying area for the struggling students. All in all, the shop was an instagram dream, the staff was consisted mostly of cute looking guys and dashing girls (you still couldn't understand how you got the job, you were pretty but those people were on a whole other level) but you wouldn't complain.

    You made your way behind the bar, into the staff room shedding your jacket and your favourite messenger bag and donned your black apron with the log of the shop.  By the time you were out, Wooyoung was leaning against the counter, sweet talking to some girls that were giggling in response. You shook your head and started to make a cup of coffee for yourself, reading yourself for a busy shift. 

    You had barely touched the machine, when you noticed a tall boy waving at you to get your attention. You went to him and started reciting your familiar line: "Hello. What can I get you?"

    He smiled prettily at you and leaned slightly closer so he can speak more quietly "Hello.. Can I order a coffee and maybe you can deliver it to the table?" He asked, scratching the back of his neck, not sure how to get out his inner thoughts.

     "Sure" you answered easily. "What can I get you?"

      "A vanilla latte with one spoonful of sugar please. Can you deliver it to the table by the window? To the girl with the green cardigan. Tell her it's from Eric" you raised your head to the direction the boy pointed and saw Soojin sitting there with a couple of friends you vaguely recognized.

     "Well, Eric...consider me your cupid for the evening. Don't leave until after I give her the drink" You supplied with a crooked grin as you made the coffee. You exited the bar and drink in hand you made your way to the girls.

     "Good evening Soojin. Girls" you greeted, placing the cup in front of her. "This is for you from the gentleman over there" you pointed out the lean form of Eric, that stood rooted in place. He gave an adorably awkward wave and a charming smile and bolted (as confidently as he could) out of the door.

      "You are for sure popular" you joked.

    She politely raised her hands, silently arguing with your statement. "You just got here? Is.. Jisung's.. shift over?"

      "Jisung is the brunette one. The red headed one is Wooyoung. But yes, he is done for the day. And I am just getting started..Yay.." You made sure to plaster a very fake smile to show your.. excitement for the day that is to come. "Anyway, nice seeing you again. I gotta go back now" you said, already walking backwards to your post.

       "Hey Y/N! How it's going?" Wooyoung greeted you now that the coast was clear of beautiful girls, that required his attention.

      "I am good. I wanted to ask you something though... about your friend Hong Joong-"you started to say, but was rudely interrupted.

       "While you are beautiful, he is currently semi-available. He has his sight on this girl-" he started, but you quickly cut him off.

       "Thank you for the unwanted info and for the compliment, but that was not my intention. I actually wanted to know if he is interested in tutoring. I learned that, he is one of the top students. Currently math and physics are making my life a living hell and I thought maybe someone who was on a more...high intellectual level, would be able to help little old me" you finished.

       He stared for bit before answering "Well, I don't know if he have the time, but I'll tell you what. I'll give you his number so you can ask him yourself" he exclaimed, already fishing his phone out of his back pocket.

      "Thank you, Wooyoung! I owe you one!"  You grinded big and wide. Maybe luck would be on your side this time. "How it's going with Somi by the way?" You asked, as you put your phone back to its place under the bar.

       His smile immediately fell and frustration took place. "She hasn't called, texted or anything! I just don't understand! We go out, have fun, we are talking and suddenly, she disappears! Is that normal?" He cried out, hands shooting to his fiery locks, messing them further up.

      "Maybe she doesn't know what she wants yet. Or maybe she hasn't cleared up a previous relationship yet and is hesitant to get involved with you" you shrugged as you leaned back into the wooden surface of the cashier.

     "Well why can't she say so then?! What does she think that I would do?" He clicked his tongue as he cleaned the tools he used to make a coffee. At least he was putting his frustration into good use.

        "Hello!" A voice sounded from behind you and you turned to ask yet again, what the next person would like.

     You were once again on your way to the coffee shop. You swore that these days the shop saw you more than your own house. It was a sorry excuse of a house really, but it was a house. You couldn't complain, it was cheap rent and a roof over your head. You walked into the shop and immediately you were greeted by a familiar voice "Hello! What would you lik- Oh it's you" the man finished, his voice significantly lower by the end of his sentence.

      "Nice to see you too, Sung" you sassed back, walking to the bar where he usually lounged. "An Americano, please! Is he here?" You inquired as you watched him get to work. The shade he dyed his hair now suited him very well, you thought. Pure black with blue undertones. You had heard several girls gossiping or rather complimenting him on his new appearance. He had let his hair grow a bit longer, not enough to grow a mullet, but enough to ruffle through. Today he donned a white shirt and black skinny jeans with chains, that gave him an edge. He never learned his lesson though, you clicked your tongue, white clothes and making coffee didn't go together. As he turned to you, you noticed a tiny stain on his sleeve. You passed him a bill as you took your coffee.

       "Yeah, he is upstairs" he answered as he passed your bill right back to you, winking.

        "Thank you love" you said, winking back and making your way upstairs. For a Wednesday afternoon the second floor was understandable empty, especially at the beginning of the semester. That's why you immediately knew who was the party who awaited you. You crossed the floor and took the opposite seat. "Hong Joong, right?"

        "Yes. Y/N?" He asked you, hands around his cappuccino. He had a small face, his straight slim nose was a masterpiece you were jealous of and pared with a nice set of lips, he seemed adorable. What greatly contrasted his sweet face was his wild half white half black hair, that was styled into a mullet with the side chopped off. Along with his hair, his multiple piercings gave off a more bad boy vibe that you were used to.

        "Yeah thank you so much that you agreed to come. Wooyoung mentioned your.. hectic schedule." You laughed the awkwardness off. 

       "Don't mention it! I came to talk to you, but I don't know if I can help you. I am on my final year and this will get crazy pretty soon." He said, grimacing throughout every word. He threw an apologetic smile towards you, but you cutt him off before he could continue.

        "Yeah I know! I know and I don't want to pressure you! But I really need help.. I really can't afford to fail.. I can be available whenever  you are. If you tell me in advance, I can schedule it with my manager so my shifts won't be a problem." you breathed, suddenly dropping out was becoming a very real problem. You never thought that you would be so close to failing and doing so was not an option.

       "Well then..okay. I will try to help you. But just so you know things will be difficult. Mainly because my hours can be weird-"

       "I am fine with that! Just-...Thank you" you finished, a grateful smile spreading across your face.

       "How about we start now?" He suggested with an oh-so-innocent smile on his face. 

       "Now now? Well I have only my math notebook with me.."you trailed.

       "Excellent! I can see where do you get stuck then!"

       "Yes! Thank you Hong Joong!"

        "..And then she tried to call your grandma out!" He cried out onto the speaker 

        You laughed loudly at that. "Did she beat this granny up?" You questioned, knowing oh so well your grandma's fiery temper.

      "They almost dueled on the supermarket with the carts!" He giggled, recalling the scene.

      "Damn! I wish I was there to see her!" You cheered gleefully. You had missed your home.

         "Aahh you should have seen her! Now that you said this..when are you coming home?? Your grandparents are talking my ear off! They want to see you! And so do I?You know better than this!" He laughed that full belly laugh of his. 

     "I will come home for Christmas daddy. I promise!" You oathed. 

    "Can't you miss one weekend?" He asked, defeat evident on his tone. You couldn't miss your shifts, but he didn't have to know that. 

  "I will be there before you even know it, old man!" You sassed, distracting him. 

 "Yeah, right " he scoffed into the line.

You couldn't go now. Not when everything was going great!

     Everything, for once, was going in your way! You and Hoonie were on spectacular terms when it came on understanding, he explained everything so well, that it was practically impossible not to get it! Your physics professor ,after seeing your newfound effort in her class and after a particular talk with Mr. Marlow, agreed to give you an extra project, so you can get some much needed credit.

     You were running around double the time you were used to, but it was worth it. Many times Hong Joong would finish particularly late, so he would come over to teach you and you would study well into the early hours of the morning, but you were content. You were good on your house payments, even making something extra to send to your dad. He was on house installments that were kicking his ass and together with your grandparents he made it through, but with little to spare. 

     Your phone vibrated as you spoke. You checked it out seeing the familiar Instagram name of Hong Joong."Yes yes dad! I gotta go now. I love you" 

        "-ve you too " you vaguely heard him call out, before you hung up. A message from Hong Joong made you freeze. 

We should talk.

That's all it said. You quickly unlocked your phone, searching for his number and called.

         "Hey Hong Joong! I saw your message.. Is everything okay?"you inquired, plopping down your bed. You should reverse it back to the couch setting, since you expected the man that you were currently on the phone with, you mentally noted.

         "Yeah, but I have some bad news. I will tell you in person. We have a session in 2 hours right?" He asked, absentmindedly as he was shuffling through papers. He was making so much noise you could barely hear him.

        "Yeah, I will be expecting you Hoonie"you said as you nervously bounced on your bed.

       "Do a recap, okay? I will test you on the last four chapters" More shuffling was heard from the other end of the line. 

       "Okay.. I have the papers you were asking for ready, by the way. I asked my friend" you mumbled, teeth already working on your ruined nails.

       "Thank you Y/Nie! I won't be long" he chanted, his voice more distant now.

        "Ok! Byee!" you called. You shouldn't panic, maybe he wanted to tell you about a problem he had found on your worksheet, you reasoned. It didn't have to be anything bad. You decided to distract yourself, you had chores to do and a review to complete before Hong Joong arrived. Get up, you said to yourself. Don't think about it.

         You pulled yourself up and started collecting your fallen clothes, that you had scattered around in your try to get to your lecture on time this morning. You should go to the laundry mat later, you noted. The pots, that were left on the sink yesterday evening, were starting to smell so you donned your apron and quickly started cleaning the kitchen as well. An hour passed by, before you settled on your old but comfy grey couch-bed to study per request of Hong Joong. Math were starting to get easier as you went by, but they were still a pain to deal with.

    Not much time passed, or so you thought, before you heard a knock. You looked at your clock to see it was six o'clock already.

        You stretched over the sofa to reach the doorknob, turning slightly to let Jong Joong in.

      "You know you shouldn't open the door like that. What if I was a stranger trying to rob you?" He said as he passed the threshold, already hand in his backpack to get out his books. 

       "If someone came in and saw me like this, he wouldn't tried to rob me, he would pity me so much that he would even give me pocket money' you said, eyebrows lifting as you watched him spread books upon books on your coffee table and on your floor. 

      "Ha ha" he ironically said. "Are you ready?" 

      "What was that you wanted to tell me?" You wondered.

      He hesitated, but eventually he said "Let's study first ..I will tell you after." Do you studied meticulously for the next hour or so. And when you thought the torture had finished, you were in for an equal bad time.

      "What?!"you incrediously exclaimed, shocked by the news. "Noo!" you shouted in despair. 

      "I am sorry. We are only a month in and I couldn't keep up." He admitted regretfully.

      "No...this isn't your fault Hoonie. I had known that you would be burdened eventually. Your final year is beating your ass, you should do your best to concentrate" you admitted, head lowering. Despite your words of encouragement, you felt as someone was destroying your carefully build house of cards.

       "Thanks for understanding. And if it comforts you are doing much better already!" He tried to cheer you up, but a look on your face was enough to shut him up. "Do you have a backup plan?" He asked you, concerned.

        "I have one more person, that was recommended to me. But I don't know him so I have to look him up. I hope that he is accepting "you signed, checking your phone. "Hey, do you have plans right now? Yuqi and Yuna are coming for a movie night" 

        "I have plans with Yunho and Mingi, but I appreciate the offer. Good night, Y/N!"

        You smiled and waved him goodbye. You would have to study twice as hard now. It was true, that you were getting better. Physics, with a little more effort, would be doable. Math on the other hand...

         You opened your phone, entering Instagram. You tapped on the search bar and typed Kim Seungmin. But no results came.. well it came up with several names and faces, but none of them was connected to your university or had common friends with you.. How the hell you were supposed to find him? You searched on Facebook, on Viber too.. N.O.T.H.I.N.G! Was the dude a ghost or something?

       A knock on your door pulled you out of your daydream. You recognized the loud voices and the frequent giggles, so once again you opened the door without checking. 

       "Babyy~" arms wrapped around you and the smell of peaches filled your senses. Yuqi rocked you in her arms, quite strongly, for such a petite figure. "How was your lesson with Joong?" She asked as she released you and Yuna made her way into your small home, carrying a large pizza.

         "Hoonie was wonderful, but that was our last lesson" you wailed. Wiping fake tears, you continued "He got assigned to two new projects and his professor suggested him for a possible internship. I mean, I am happy for him. I am just worried." You ranted as you got up.

        You made your way to your fridge and took out a half empty bottle of rose wine, that you kept especially for movie nights. You grabbed 3 glasses and returned to the girls that were already opening the bed. You passed each of them a glass and took a sit on the head of the bed.

         "So now what?" Yuna asked as she took her first bite of her pizza.

         "I tried searching for Kim Seungmin on insta, on facebook, on everything! But I came up empty...I will try some more and if I can't find him...I will just do whatever I can on my own." Yuna's hand rubbed soothing circles on your back. You looked up only to find their concerned gazes focused on you.  "Hey don't look at me like that! Come on! Let's forget about it and eat! On which episode we paused last?"

         "The 12th! Finally! I was waiting the whole week for this!" Yuna cheered "Do you know that, they will make a second season?"

         "As they should. Alchemy of souls is a masterpiece! I would watch 10 more seasons!" 

         As the tittle song rolled in, all of you fell quiet and let the amazing drama pull you in.

    "Y/N!!!"

  A piercing scream in the form of your name echoed inside the coffee shop. Some customers were startled, some were plain staring at the hurricane,that was Yuqi. 

       You shushed her warningly and turned with a very fake smile to the customer in front of you. The guy gave you an understanding look, took his coffee and left you with the loud girl. 

     "You'll never guess! You owe me! You owe me!" She was literally rocking on her heels, her hands clasped together and looking at you adorably excited. "So about the thing with your third Kim. I asked Lucas, who asked Yuta, who knew that Ten and Minho are friends, that Minho is friends with Seungmin. But guess who Minho and Seungmin are friends with?!" She finished without a breath and left you staring at her. 

       You blinked twice. "You should have become a rapper, not a linguist" you amazed. "And also... what?"

        "Girl! Focus! Kim Seungmin! The target! We know who he is!" She exclaimed, her excitement peaking again. "Kim Seungmin. Second year like us. Science department, dental care. Tall, brunette, glasses. He doesn't really have a large friend group. He is close with Minho, who I mentioned earlier and guess who else?!"

        "Who?" you asked, looking at her rather dumply. 

        Not caring about you not catching up, she exclaimed a name you didn't expect. "Han Jisung!" 

        That startled you out of your shock. "My Jisung?" You questioned, pointing at the culprit who was cheerily cleaning up the station. The only response you received was a fierce nod from her. Luck was smiling at you again. So you took casual but calculated steps towards the boy, who had his back turned to you. 

         "Jisung! My man! How are you?" you squealed as you placed your hands around him, successfully capturing him. He turned around with a smile, not having a better sense to start running away. 

         "When we last talked..you know 7 minutes ago..I was well."he laughed as he wiped his hands on the only dry towel we kept in our station. 

           "I have heard you are friends with Lee Minho and Kim Seungmin.."you started, not really knowing how to tell him but a voice stopped you on your tracks.

           "What would you like to know about me?" A smug voice asked from the counter. You turned and saw a new presence next to an awkward Yuqi. The new arrival was a little taller than Yuqi, brown locks,almost honey colored, were framing his slim face. His eyes were up turned, feline like and they were watching your every move with intelligent and playfulness. Like a true cat. His lips were slightly up turned as well, giving you the impression that he was silently laughing at you. 

      "Who are you?" you asked as you approached the cashier where he was standing, not knowing better yourself. 

       Eyebrows raised and smug smile intact. "I am Lee Minho. I heard you talking about me." he returned as he tapped his fingers against the counter. 

        "Oh!" you said, finally understanding. "Actually I was interested in your friend-" 

        "Seungmin!"

        "Seungmin!"

   Two voices cut the air, equally shocked. You looked both at the stranger by the cashier and your coworker in wonder. Their smiles threaten to break off their faces, eyes widened with pleasant surprise. Oh! They misunderstood you. "No! No! It's not what you are thinking! I actually am searching for a tutor and I was told he was on top of the academic list. But I can't find him anywhere" 

       "Ahh.." 

       "Ahh.." 

    In union they let out an equally disappointed sign, making you let out an amused huff. 

       "It's a shame tho...I think you would suit each other.."murmured Jisung, tousling his hair gently. 

        "You could give him a run for his money. From what Jisung told me about you." Minho pleasantly hummed.

         You turned to face your friend, eyes squinted and face accusing. He immediately raised his hands and denied any guilt. The rest of your company let out laughs at the comical scene. 

          "But jokes aside. Our Seungminnie is a little... emotionally constipated. Yeah, let's say that." Minho explained as he scanned the menu now. Yuqi was silent by his side, eyeing between you and him. "Other than that, he is an lovable idiot"

        He eventually ordered to Jisung, who started making the drink right away. "What do you mean by that?"you asked. 

        "Well he is rather reserved and he is the no bullshit type of guy. He will not be likely to accept tutoring you." 

        Wonderful. That was exactly what you didn't want to hear.

        Well you hoped you could have to change that. 

    You turned to him, with a hint of a smile and asked him.

      "Can you tell me where I can find him?"

      After your short talk with Minho and Jisung, you stalked Kim Seungmin. 

      You and Yuqi were the main agents, that were running all over the place. The first time you caught a glimpse of him with Minho and Jisung at the courtyard, chilling leisurely. In contrast to what Minho told you, he seemed lovely, cute smile and animated talking from what you saw. You spotted him going to class, thankfully your hours matched, so you had an eye on him. You even saw him at the coffee shop a time or two, though he never stayed. 

     From what you gathered he was a reserved guy, just as Minho said. He didn't really talk to many people, he made a funny comment or two, but then he was out of sight. You currently were on the cafeteria, with Yuna and Ryunjin by your side, watching him from afar. He was sitting with a black haired boy you didn't know, he looked quite young though (probably younger than you two)  and was constantly glancing somewhere. You tried to follow his gaze, but you couldn't pint point where it landed every time. Something in your gut told you to pay attention though, as if this could be the solution to your problems. 

And you always trusted your gut.

       So the gazes continued. He was watching someone and you were watching him. Just as you were growing tired of this and was beginning to quit your whole detective game, his gaze shifted. The person he was watching was moving towards the exit. So you snapped your gaze at the door and there they stood, in all their glory against the sunlight that burst through the glass walls. As fair as the snow white herself. You turned your gaze towards Seungmin again, watching him ogle Lee Soojin, like an idiot in love and a smile made itself known in your face. 

      You had a plan.

    After careful examination, or detective work as Yuqi had affectionate calling it, you finally had confirmed your hatch. 

    A little more stalking was required, but along with the help you received from your girls, it was easy as a piece of cake. 

    A little comments here and there in an attempt to make Jisung spill some beans, which worked wonderfully and left him in a stupor (you made yourself a mental note not to trust him with anything personal again), and your plan was set.

    It was a little bit of a stretch, to think that he would agree to help you just so he can get a girlfriend, but you had no options left. Math was kicking your ass again and alone you were struggling, it was like you were drowning and you were trying to paddle your way through.

    You just needed a lifeline that would get you through. Just for the upcoming exams. So determinately you lifted your chin and made your way to the library.      

         You hadn't made it a habit to visit the library. You hadn't had the time either. 

You stood outside for a beat, gathering your wits. The building was tall and imposing, making you even more hesitant to go in. But you had to brave it, you had to fake it till you make it.

   You took one big breath and entered. The three floor building seemed even bigger on the inside. Old wood, that was a miracle that still held, was everywhere and the smell of old books surrounded the place. Your eyes ranked over the multiple desks, that held many students. No, not him. Him neither. No. And here he was. Your eyes found him.

    He was there, just like Minho said he would. He was taller than you expected. And more handsome. Soft brown locks that were cut into a neat haircut fell just above his eyes. Glasses stood high on his straight nose, hiding the exact color of his eyes due to the light hitting on them, but if your own eyes didn't deceive you you would swear that they were a dark brown, maybe even onyx like. He wore a serious expression, his mouth pressed into a thin line. The oversized white tee he wore, along with the black cargo pants didn't do wonders on his figure but he sure looked comfy in them. He also looked very concentrated and you felt bad to break it off, but not bad enough not to do it. 

       You criss crossed between the tables and unsuspecting students and plopped down on the opposite seat. He briefly looked up from his laptop, but upon seeing your unfamiliar face, he soon returned his gaze at the screen in front of him. 

      "Hi, you're Kim Seungmin, right?" You slowly asked, testing the waters. When the words left your mouth, he slowly looked up and met my gaze. He seemed unsure of what my deal was and not really keen on finding out. 

     "Yes, that would be me" he said, not offering any other information or asking for your own name, for that fact. His face stayed the same as when he was reading. 

     Great.. from what it seems, this was the default.

     "Since you didn't ask. Hi, my name is Y/N and I am here to propose a deal to you." You said, bringing your hands on the table and waving them together. He didn't say anything just made himself more comfortable on the chair and his figure slouching . 

      "I am on the verge of failing my math class and I need help. Your help to be exact." He crossed his arms and leaned back further. No emotion yet on his face, a subtle raise of his eyebrow was the only answer you got, something similar to a disbelieving scoff leaving him, he seemed like he was mocking you. But you didn't know if you were imagining things, just to fill that void in his facade. Maybe if you stroked his ego? "They said to come to you and that you were one of the top three students of the school" you said putting your chin on top of hands, smile still intact. Be pleasant and nice was your only option. Smile and waved boys, just smile and wave.

        He leaned forward, mimicking your posture. His hands were long and elegant you noticed, like that of a piano player. "Thank you for the.. preference. But I will have to decline" he said with a grimace that some would call a smile. You knew better.

       "But you didn't let me finish. It has come to my knowledge that you like Lee Soojin" you said, a smile making it's way on your face.             Finally, a spark of emotion! His  eyes momentarily widened and his mouth fell slightly open before he straightened his expression, he immediately turned his head right and left and he leaned closer to you, glaring intensely. You grinned even wider at the action, a crack in his armor was all you needed.

     He continued glaring at you for a moment, clearly contemplating if killing you was the safest option, but eventually he fell back against his chair, not speaking a word.

     "I can help you get together with her. I saw you watching her from a far. I happened to know her, she is a regular to the cafe I work at" you begun before he could open his mouth.

          His face didn't change much, now annoyance was a little more prominent, but the emptiness still ruled over his face.  "Unfortunately, I will not be helping you as I have my own issues and I believe the second statement is none of your business. I wish I could say that it was a pleasure meeting you but I avoid lying. Have a good day" he said, utterly dismissing you. He turned back to his laptop, leisurely fixing his glasses, not giving you an other lick of attention.

 Well that went exactly as they warned you. When Minho said emotionally constipated, you didn't think they really meant it. Even though you wanted to grab him by his shoulders and shake him, you couldn't force him to accept. You had played your cards and lost. As you would probably lose your scholarship..

            You looked at him for a moment, then collected your stuff from the chair you had pushed them into and stood "If you change your mind, you will find me at the coffee shop by the uni. You know the one Soojin goes. Have a good day "you said, almost giggling to the look he threw you, at the mention of the girl's name. You gave him a salute and turned walking away so you can cry away your day in peace.

       Despite you thinking that the promise of a girlfriend would be enough, mister Kim Seungmin proved you wrong and didn't agree to your offer. So you were left struggling alone just shy of October. To your surprise and utter delight of Mr. Marlow, you were decent enough in physics now. Your physic proff was moved by your struggle and impressed by your newfound knowledge so she agreed to give you a couple of projects, in order to make up for the lost grades. It was a real pain in the ass to balance your university life, along with work and the extra hours of studying that you put in to catch up, but at least you were afloat..for now. 

      And despite of denying your deal you saw more and more of Kim Seungmin. First it was at the cafeteria, him gazing discreetly at her and you gazing at them. Once or twice, your eyes would meet and you would raise your eyebrow at him, secretly judging. He would answer with a fiery look and squinting eyes back at you.

  You would meet him at campus were he would simply hangout with his friends. You had repeatedly greeted them, asking the usual 'how are you' and 'are you good', both Jisung and Minho had answered you (your coworker bubbly as ever and Minho albeit with less enthusiasm but not unfriendly), but Seungmin just stared you emptily. You swore he only had two emotions, emptiness and aggression. If he had more.. well you had yet to see them. 

     The third place he frequent went in was no other than your workplace. He collected the info you gave him, the sneaky bastard, and used it without you reaping the benefits. He showed up just a week after your meet up. As Minho's friend he had visited the place before and sure, he could have grabbed a casual pick-me-up, but he had never sat down on the cafe. One day though, he rolled up in a casual sky blue hoodie and a pair of jeans with his own trusted bad on his shoulders. A cute pair of glasses decorated his face and his hair, even messy, had a certain charm.

    Such a waste of good looks, you thought. His face upon seeing you behind the bar was comical to say the least. He was pretty neutral before entering, a calming aura around him but when he saw you, his lips pressed together in a grimace and a cold demeanor met you. You had smiled though and took his order, mentally scoffing. A black Americano. How unoriginal. 

     He had came up empty that day, as Soojin hadn't shown up. His next try was successful, not only he had manage to nail the time the girl came ,but also managed to secure a spot near her table. His subtle heart eyes made you want to puke. 

     His third time though was your favourite. Soojin was by her usual corner, but she was not alone this time. Eric was by her side in all his blonde glory, making the girl giggle and blush so hard. Of course Mr Kim Seungmin was shooting lazer from his eyes, face empty and eyes filled with the promise of murder. It was a delightful thing.

        Two weeks flew by and your panicked began to rise. A typical Wednesday and you were staring blankly at the entrance, wondering if a future as a barista was the only option left for you. Your train of thought was rudely interrupted by a tall figure getting all up in your face. A tall brown haired menace.

   As the days flew by your polite smiles turned into sarcasm filled giggles and a pressing desire to annoy the fuck out of his majesty, the genius. So you looked up to meet his eyes, met with the usual picture of him frowning down at you. 

       "Can I help you?" You asked monotone, already moving away to prepare his order. He never tried anything else besides his bland americano. 

        He didn't move, only looked at you decisively. He leaned over the counter as much as he could "I don't want coffee. I want to talk to you" You stared at him. Did you want to be rude and deny? He deserved it, but that would require your downfall so you swallowed your pride and nodded.

       You quickly told  Shushua you would be a minute and leaded Seungmin into a quiet corner of the shop. You sat down and the staring match began. 

     You knew this, this was a war of nerves. As a business major you knew he wanted the deal you presented, but he was stubborn enough not to begin the discussion. " You thought about my proposal?" You probed gently.

      After a brief hesitation he nodded and finally spoke. "I would be willing to help you" he stated simply. He was truly a man of few words. You hoped that didn't seep through to his teaching. 

       "Wonderful!" You cheered, clapping once in satisfaction and leaning back to your plush chair. " When can you start? I am in immediate need of attention" you joked, just to see him squirm. He didn't disappoint as he lightly shifted his weight on the comfortable couch he sat. 

        "I don't work.. so we can follow your program" he stated dismissively. "Where do you lack?" He seemed more comfortable focusing his attention on your academic problem, than his unrequited crush. Cute, you thought.

       "Math is my main problem. I fixed my physics grade enough to pass through this semester. Maybe a lesson or two in exam season, if you are kind enough." You listed, resting your head in your hand. You should sound dismissive and aloof and play your cards right this time. 

      "Okay we can work on that.." he trailed off, not knowing how to get on with the conversation.

       "You should open an Instagram page" you suddenly said. He needed the exposure you had decided. He had the looks, he was smart and if we worked on his manners.. he could get Soojin.

        He scoffed, right back at his usual self. "And why would I do that?" He asked, now that you knew him a little, his voice filled with disbelief and irony.

       "So you can show off your good looks to Soojin obviously. From my point of you this is the only thing you have going on" you stated, smirking. His relaxed, albeit a little uncomfortable, pose tensed. "It's adorable how tense you get when I mention her" you teased, lips curling a little, not able to resist. You had to ask. "What made you change your mind?"

    "I thought about it. That's it"  You looked at him. His jaw was clenched, his posture still tense and he was looking you straight in the eyes, almost as if he was daring you to say it.

   "Are you sure? Are you sure that someone didn't help in changing your mind? Like someone trying to get your girl. Someone named...Eric?" you waved your fingers together and placed your chin lightly on them. From the way his body tensed even more, his mouth was pressed into a thin line, fully concealing his full lips and the lightly squinting of his eyes, you hit bulls eye. 

      "Well.. appearance wise, I don't have a lot to fix. Personality wise though..we could do so much better." You innocently smile. "Anyway she is on social a lot, she often comes to take photos here, she even followed me. The first step we have to make is her acknowledging you. So genius boy... When are you free?" 

     His way of teaching is as insufferable as he is you soon learned.

     You had agreed to meet at the library. The tall building served as an excellent place as he wasn't keen on visiting your house. It was fine by you, you weren't thrilled about having him in your apartment as well.

       The first thing he did was a through  exploration of your knowledge. And then, the torture began. Equations, problems, types... And a good chunk of it, you failed to get.

     "You must be kidding! Even the professor doesn't give us that much homework!" You dramatically yelled, earning a few looks from the people around you and a glare from your companion.

     "If you want to improve, this is the appropriate amount. It's truly remarkable how much you don't understand" he noted as he started gathering his books, placing them neatly in a navy blue backpack. You were amazed at capability of his backpack. You could probably fit yourself in there, if you tried.

     "I am a marketing major! I don't need to know these things!" You cried out, more quietly this time, no less dramatic though, desperation coloring your voice. 

      "You are in marketing?" He asked, taken aback. You were crossing the entrance of the library and stood there for a moment. Should you be offended by his surprise?

      "Yeah, why the surprise? What you thought I would be?" You rocked on your heel, craning your neck to look at him. 

       "Something more dramatic. Performing arts, perhaps" he replied. Well... you could give him that. You could be a total drama queen when you wanted.

       "I will inform you, that I am excellent at what I do. Point proven by the fact you are here. I advertised my deal in an appealing way, you weighted your options and you took mine." You said, trying to bite back the smile you could feel surfacing. He grimaced at your wording, not being able to deny the truth.

        "Whatever." He said as he began to walk to a direction that you had not in mind. So you reached for his precious backpack and pulled him towards you. He lightly stumbled, but regained his footing quickly and turned to you, eyebrows raised and mouth pulled tight together. "What?"

        You smiled up at him. "I thought our deal should be fair. After our lessons, it will be your turn. So today we are going to the cafe!" You pulled once again, at his sleeve this time and much to your surprise he followed you without complains.

     You let him go and walked backwards so you can face him "Soojin visits the cafe regularly. But Fridays are a must for her. Her lecture is done at two, so she eats at the cafeteria and she usually comes around 3ish"

      "You know too much for someone who is simply her barista" he noted, eyes fleeting at the road behind you and refocusing on your face. You shrugged nonchalantly.

      "You would be surprised at what I know " you dismissed. You turned to walk normally and adjusted your brown messenger bag on your shoulder. You should try using a backpack as well, you adored the bag but the weight was starting to hurt your shoulder, especially with the weight of the extra books. "After going to the cafe, we are going to have a photoshoot!"    

He looked at me from the side like I had grown a second head and shook his head."No"        

         "Yep"        

         "No"      

         "Yep!"   

         "No!" He raised his voice for once matching your tone, but quickly he cleared his throat and said "I am not doing it"     You threw a smile over your shoulder and opened the door to the cafe you had reached. People littered a few tables, here and there, but a calmness ruled over, a calmness that your loud coworker disturbed with over hyper 

tunes.

 His bright red hair served just as an additional distraction from the comfy atmosphere as it caught the light from the way he moved all over the place from behind the bar. You smiled and you made your way to him. You didn't turn to check, but you felt Seungmin following silently behind you.

     "Wooyoung!" You exclaimed, successfully capturing his attention. You dramatically threw yourself over the counter top and whined for coffee. 

       "Hello to you too!"he giggled and threw a polite smile over your shoulder to the giant behind you "Hello!" He said, receiving a nod from Seungmin and turned back to you "How was your lesson?" He asked as he showed his back to you, starting to make the precious drink you desired.

      "Awful" you and Seungmin answered as one. The 2 hour session clearly weighted down both of you. "And a black americano as well, Woo" you added, reaching into your bag to pull out your wallet. 

        A hand fell on top of yours stopping you and you turned towards the boy, a question in your eyes. He shook his head and answered "You don't have to buy me coffee"

     "You are helping basically for free. A coffee isn't much" you cheered back. Giving your card to a awaiting Wooyoung, he passed it over the machine quickly before giving it back. 

     "Were are you heading now?" He asked as he prompted his head on the counter. 

      "We were thinking about taking a walk in the park near by. You know... the one with the garden" you absentmindedly returned as you scanned the place, not telling him that it was in fact Seungmin that informed you about its existence, mere minutes before. 

     And score. At the far away corner sat a certain snow white. Target required "Woo ,I will talk to you later. We are still on for Sunday right?" You threw, getting a response you didn't pay any attention to and strode towards your prey. A tug on your arm halted you, a grim Seungmin shaking his head greeted you, but you promptly ignored his whines and mouthed a 'come on'. You reached the table rather quickly and called "Soojin! What is my favorite customer doing?!" 

       The brunette turned with a smile on her face "Favorite customer huh? You say that to everyone" she teased you, good natured.

      "Pss no!.. Only on regulars" you commented, giving her a wink, which made her let out a quiet giggle, before her gaze shifted behind me.. bingo. You also threw a look to the boy that stood behind you, almost as if he was hiding behind his mom. "That's my new tutor, Kim Seungmin. He really saved me. This is Lee Soojin, she comes by often so I guess you will be seeing each other" you finished, turning your body sideways so more of Seungmin could be shown. No that you could hide him, you snorted. 

        "Nice to meet you" she showed a bright welcoming smile at him, that quite literally made him shake. You couldn't blame him through, if you had been in his shoes, you would have fell on your knees too. 

        "You too" he quietly said, looking at the table and avoiding eye contact at all means. You looked at him, trying to control your laughter.

       "Well.. we have to get going! But I will see you around "you waved, throwing a smile at the rest of her group and tugged your tutor along with you.

   You waited until you two were no longer visible throughout the windows and turned to him, hands behind your back and your foot awkwardly scratching the ground and said in a manly voice that in no way resembles the one you mocked. "Y-You t-too" you mumbled, looking at him from underneath your lashes.        His face was comical. His jaw was clenched hard and his ears were an adorable shade of red. "Shut up" he said, looking everywhere else but you. 

       "Come on! Let's get you your photos, doc"

      The Instagram business went well. The  park was a lovely place to get the photos you needed, even with your uncooperative model. His friends cheered and howled, welcoming him to the civilized world. Two days later, your first story starring him at the library (unknown to him) with the caption: 'study session with @kim_seungmin' had  earned him a follow from The Lee Soojin.               Instagram has became your main form of communication as well, it started with you sending memes that reminded you of him, mainly Squidward memes, and proceed with him spamming you with math questions. A look in your notifications was truly a nightmare now. You learned that the boy was more on the grumpy side, but had always had good intentions. Minho had let it slip that, he had an alarm on his phone especially to remind him to send you your insta-homework. You also discovered that he also shared a great love for kdramas, similar to your own. Contrary to the first meeting where he uttered only a couple of words, he spoke more comfortably now, not less savage but you could usually find him in a conversationable mood. Your quick tongue and his unbothered nature made you a interesting duo. And a duo that always had a target. Most often than not, poor Jisung had the short stick on this deal. 

         October was nearly over and you were excelling. Seungmin, on the other side, was not making so much progress with Soojin. Sure.. now he was talking a little bit with her in the coffee shop, when their tables were near.      And sure, they were exchanging likes on insta, but was that enough? On top of that, Eric was still regularly hanging around Soojin and that was making you uneasy. What if Seungmin decided to call the deal off, if they got together? What would happen to you then?

      That evening, you were meeting up with the girls so you reluctantly you picked yourself up and headed to your bathroom to get ready. Your dim lighting complimented your tired face. Or rather it didn't. It was a few weeks of that feverish schedule and you were begging to tire, but you shook yourself. 

   Put on some concealer and your best jeans, you said to yourself and soon enough you were braving the cold, in order to get some alcohol in you. 

          As soon as you entered the local bar, you took a look around you. Almost all of the booths were full, the jocks that were by the pool tables were howling loudly and the bar was half full of people trying to get their poisons. From the corner of your eye, you saw a sudden movement. Yuqi was waving at you, as Ryunjin and Yuna were giggling over who knows what number cocktails of the night. You broke out a smile and made your way over to them, avoiding busy waiters and drunk bodies. You took a seat in the enormous red couch by Yuqi and greeted the others. 

         "Won't Lisa and Rosie be joining us?" You asked, as you took a hold of the menu, already knowing you would order your usual Daquiri, but scanning it nonetheless. 

       "Nah, Lisa is doing two solos at the school festival and is freaking out. Rosie..is mental support, I guess" Ryunjin informed you as she sipped on her drink. You nodded and took a look around the bar. 

     Your waiter was nowhere on sight. But you understood, if you worked at a place like this you wouldn't be able to keep up with everyone either. But you did catch a quick glimpse of a particular sassy brunette on the dance floor. Minho did know how to have fun, that was certain by the smiles of his companions and the way they seemed to want to get closer to him. You wondered if your grumpy tutor lurked somewhere near. But a quick look at the place revealed a happy Jisung with two anonymous blondes by his side. You made a mental note to stop by and greet them later. 

        "What are we looking at?" A voice whispered, rather loudly, in your ear. You turned to Yuqi, grimacing, but answering all the same.

        "I spotted Minho on the dance floor and I was wondering if Seungmin was here" you truthfully replied. 

         She craned her neck to catch a glimpse of Minho as well. She looked at him way more than the respectable time, so you leaned in and tapped at her chin, a knowing look on your face. She chuckled but didn't deny anything. "You know for someone who you described as emotionally constipated, you get rather along with him" 

      You shrugged. "He was a little...shy in the beginning. All glares and moody. Now he is just... fun to tease" you huffed as you remembered him speaking so fast, almost rapping, when you told him that you hadn't completed a couple of exercises or him going red on the face from frustration when you couldn't understand a solution. "My biggest problem now is that he can't talk to Soojin!" Your deal was a known fact among your friends, that you have swore to secrecy. "He is cute, he is smart, once you get over the first shock he is pleasant to be around! Why he can't score a date with her?!" You wailed, dramatically flopping on the table. 

      "You should keep him to yourself, if he is that great" Yuna proposed, laughing as soon as you gave her the stink eye.

      "Why don't you tell him to come to the festival? Soojin is performing. He can come by the backstage, compliment her a little. Oh! Oh! Maybe ask her to go to a little walk around the festival!!" Ryunjin clapped, excited about her idea. 

       It wasn't so bad. Rather it was a rather good idea.

       "My sweet sweet genius!" You proclaimed, throwing your hands up in the air. "That's it!"

      As if the universe agreed and decided to reward you, your waiter appeared. So with a drink in your near future and a good plan to match, you enjoyed the rest of your evening. 

   "I am just saying, that you could be a lot more productive if instead of going out, you studied" He said, as he slid your red highlighted notebook back to you. 

     "You say that as if I am out everyday! I went out a Friday night to have a drink! Kill me!" You sassed as he signed and turned to his own workload.

     A moment passed and then two.

    You looked over at him under your lashes, biting your lips. Now it was just as good as any time you guessed. "Seungmin" you whispered. 

      Upon hearing the quiet call of his name he turned his head towards you. "You solved it?" He leaned closer only to see the math problem in front of you half solved and you looking at him. "Come on. We have done this. I am not helping you. Think again and solve it" he said almost soullessly, returning to his own homework. 

        "No no. I wanted to ask you something" you said, fumbling with your pen. "You.. haven't made so much progress with..you know who" you grimaced, remembering how many times you have uttered her name and Seungmin have immediately shut you up by placing his hand hastily over your mouth. Voldemort had she became.

      He let out a quiet sign, resting his head on the table. "Yeah..I mean we talk a little but.."

        "But not enough" you completed his sentence "Can I ..propose something?Why don't you try getting her a coffee and sit there with her?" You whispered, reaching your hand to play absentmindedly with your notebook. 

         "Yeah, I could do that" he mumbled as he straighten himself up, leaning onto his chair instead.  

         "I have an other proposal." You said, adopting his previous position and leaning onto the table. 

         "You scare me" he replied drily, with a hint of smile playing on the corner of his lips. 

         "Why? I am spectacularly amazing and I have at least 70% ratio of success" he snorted at that but didn't comment further "As you know ..SHE is a dance major. Why don't we go to see her performance? You say a few nice things to her, give her a smile, you know, tell her a 'I will see you around' Maybe offer a walk around the festival? We have to get her to notice you" 

         He looked everywhere but me, such simple conversations still managing to embarrass him. "That would be..nice" 

          "Perfect! I have already gotten you a ticket!" you cheered, collecting a few looks by the surrounding students. That's why you detested the library, quiet wasn't your forte. 

          At the sound of that he stilled and turned to look at you. "You won't come with me?" He looked like a deer caught in your car's headlights. You compared his current look with the void ironic silent that greeted you the first time.

          "I mean...I am coming. I have tickets to see Ryunjin and Yuna perform. I didn't know if you would like to stick with us" 

          "Yes, please" he replied instantly, probably imagining himself alone in the large crowd and recoiling. 

          "Sure. Wear something nice though! No hoodie! And for the love of God, no sweatpants!" You cried out, well aware of his usually fashion choices. He always looked comfy though, you like his style but he had to dress to impress for the festival.

           He stayed quiet in reaction to your request, mumbling under his breath 'what's wrong with my sweatpants' and 'wouldn't do that' but the rest of the session rolled smoothly without interruptions and talking about Voldemorts. 

        You were running as much as your heeled legs could muster. Of course you were late..but it wasn't your fault! If only those damn customers didn't come in last minute, maybe you would have time to go shower and get ready like a normal person.  

      Your phone vibrated in your hand, no wonder the others were searching for you. You answered the call not looking at the name on your screen. "I am coming!" You panted. 

      "I am waiting by the front entrance" a deep voice answered, taking you by surprise.

      "Seungmin?" You called, unsure. 

      "Yeah. Now come on" he said and hung up.

      You gathered your strength and ran the remaining distance. As you reached the entrance you looked around, you tried to locate him. You found him by the door, a lean body waiting for you. He had heard your advice. Black slacks, a simple white T-shirt underneath and a grey coat adored his frame. He looked put together and a perfect image of a boyfriend. You jogged lightly towards him. "Hey! You look nice. 100% boyfriend material" you complimented. 

       He shyly smiled at you and cocked his head inside. "Come Yuqi saved us seats. What took you so long?" He questioned as he turned to walk to the theater.

        "Some customers came last minute and I couldn't leave. I never have gotten ready that quickly" you laughed, avoiding bodies that were threatening to crush you. He took your forearm and guided you to your seats. 

        "It's okay." he comforted you. 

        You looked up amused and surprised. "I never thought that the Kim Seungmin would tell me it's okay to be late" you teased. 

        He huffed and lead you to the seats, where Yuqi and Jisung awaited you while discussing the music he had produced for one of the acts. You waved at them and settled on your seat, readying yourself for the spectacle. And you were just on time. You were amazed by the elegant lines of the dancers and the sharp moves, that were enhanced by the booming sound of the bass. The couples, that were twirling on stage, stole your breath and the solo performances were equally enchanting. 

        "Aren't they so cool?" You whispered to Seungmin, feeling bad that he was singled out. You were sitting between him and his friends so he stayed mostly quiet, except when he replied to your humorous comments. 

        "Yeah, I couldn't do that in a million years" he agreed, still captivated by the performance. All too soon the performances were over and the curtains fell. 

        You stretched, pulling yourself out of the uncomfortable seat and nodding to Seungmin "Come on! Let's go and give our congratulations to the 'chef'" you joked as you pulled him up.  "Yuqi we will catch up with you outside,ok?" She nodded her consent and dragged Jisung away, possibly to get some food. So you turned to your own companion who waited you patiently..not that he had an other choice as he didn't know the backstage as you did. "Come on lover boy, let's go to your ballerina"

        He grimaced but complied, following you into the dark backstage. You turned and turned until you catch a glimpse of Soojin. Then you promptly stopped and turned to him, fixing his clothes and fussing over him. He tried to avoid your touch but seeing you not giving up, he simply gave up. You fixed his hair as well, passing a hand threw them and perfecting each straw so they framed his face beautifully. "Okay. You got this" you said pushing him lightly to the door. 

        "Wait! You are not coming?!" he said, panic filling his eyes as a hand raised to clutch your wrist.

        "No! You go and tell her she's beautiful and if she wants to hang out after the show" 

        He opened his mouth to argue, but you pushed with more force and he stumbled into the room. The noise all around the place didn't exactly help you to listen in on their conversation, so a few minutes passed and you didn't know if that was a good sign or a bad one. But the door suddenly opened and Seungmin crossed the border throwing a careless 'I will see you around' over his shoulder. After the door closed though, he clutched his heart and let out a troubled sign. Immediately you were on his face.

        "How did it go? What did you say to her? She didn't want to come to the walk?" You buzzed, shifting your weight, almost circling around him.

         "Can you calm down for a moment?" He said, tugging at his collar "She said thank you and that she appreciates that I came. She said that she has plans but she will see me around in the coffee shop." 

         "Such a shame.I expected her to go with you." you pouted, disappointed. You had to fix him up in order to continue with this deal. You casted a glance towards him, to find him watching the space across you. You followed his gaze and located a blonde figure lounging there. Eric, who probably came to give his own congratulations. 

         "Maybe I can get her a cup of coffee when I see her again?" He quietly mumbled, gaze not straying from Eric's figure. 

         "Yeah" you agreed, eyes stuck in that direction too. But quickly you shook yourself out of your stupor. "Since you are free how about a stroll around the festival? I wanna go to the waffle station. I heard they are to die for" you whistled, already imagining the sweet chocolate melting in your mouth.

         He looked down on the floor for a beat, until you nudged him playfully. He met your stare but the discouraged look didn't leave him. 

         "You don't have to look down. You played your cards and lost. It's okay. There will be other opportunities. Now come with me" you took a hold of his jacket, gently moving him towards the exit. 

       He didn't say anything but moved along. 

       Once outside you were contemplating where to go. The food stands where a must and you voice that.

        "Okay. Plan." You said, turning to your companion who seemed equally as lost as you. "I wanna stop by the food stands. I heard this year they have a theme about foods around the world. Other than that I have no clue what is there" 

        "Umm okay. We can stop by. Not something spicy though. I can't really eat it" he said, not really here. He looked dazed at the festival. 

        You looked up at him, squinting. "Where do you wanna go?" 

        He still looked lost. Maybe he had been more hurt than you thought. Well you could distract.

        "Seungminnie!" you whined, hoping to distract him. And it worked by the distasteful scoff that took over his face. 

        "Don't call me that" he puffed and strode to whichever direction his feet took him. Hopefully for you, to the food section. 

        "Why?" Giggling, you took a look around. You were currently to the craft section. You marveled at the things that the student body managed to put together "But seriously what do you like to do? I never heard you mentioning hobbies" 

        "I like to take pictures. I took some nice shots at the park" he said, quietly.

        "Ohh that's how you knew about the park! Show me later some. That's really cool" you returned. "And? What else?" you questioned. 

        "I like baseball" he answered simply.

        "Oh! Oh! Which team?" You asked as your attention was snatched from a very nice pair of earrings to him. 

        "SK Wyverns" he replied, hesitantly. "You like baseball?" Suddenly focusing on you, you knew it was rare for women to like sports but you didn't know if you feel offended by his surprise.

        "Nahh my old man watches it so I know a couple of teams. He isn't a fan of that one though" you commented.

        "Which one he likes?"he asked, intrigued. 

        "Something heroes" you said, tapping your chin. You couldn't remember their name for the life of you!

        "Kiwoom Heroes! Over the Wyverns! Really now?!" He exclaimed, eyes wide and bewildered at your father's preferences. The scrunching of his nose betrayed his true dislike towards the team.

       "Hey don't tell it to me! Tell him that!" You joked as the sparkly earrings stole your attention again. The blue sparkling light caught your attention, the gold only enhancing their beauty. You shook your head. You weren't here to buy jewelry. You were here to eat. 

       "What do you like to do?" He asked as he took in his surroundings too. He looked more relaxed now, hands crossed at the back, head moving wherever to take in all of the stations. 

        "I don't have really the time to spare. If I do.. I guess a movie or some drinks with friends." You never really were into something particular. A simple time could be a good time too. 

         "Yeah I noticed. How come you are always working? Don't you want some time of?" He asked, examinating you more now.

         "Yeah it would be. But I need the money. And besides I stir up enough trouble when I don't have time in my hands. Could you imagine me with time to spare?" You raised your eyebrows at an alarming pace to empathize the fact. He scoffed, clearly amused.

       "God no. I wouldn't like to see that!" He laughed behind his hand. 

       "Exactl-" you started but an aroma stole your attention. A chocolatey rich aroma, that came from the stand ahead. "Seungmin, the sweets!" You exclaimed and thrusted forward, literally dragging him along. 

         "On the other hand.. with your limited attention span how bad could it be?" He sassed, but turned towards the chocolatey dough. "We will take two" he said to the boy in the cashier. 

         You reached in your bag to take out your purse, but you noticed Seungmin taking out double the amount that was required and give it to the cashier. "Hey! What are you doing? I can pay for mine!" you pouted. 

         "Too late!"he replied, having already paid and grabbed the sweets. You took your own while he took a bite from the dough. His eyes widened comically and he pointed at it with his mouth full. You laughed, but your reaction was very much the same as his when you took your first bite. 

        "I will pay for the next round" you said as you started your rounds again. This time heading towards the games. 

         "Sounds good" he said, the desert on his hands half way eaten. Men you thought, they could eat anything within seconds. 

         You wondered around for a bit. You tried the trivia game they hosted, you were tremendously bad at it while Seungmin tremendously good. You tried the maze they made up by cardboards and some other poorly made materials, but you both had a good sense of direction and got out pretty easily. One look at the karaoke stand had you both running for the hills and you ended up in front of an other food stand. But to the bad luck of Seungmin, the spices didn't sit right with him so here he was gulping water as if his life was depending on him.

       As you waited for him to calm his taste buds down, you were looking around. You spotted something in the far corner, a enormous cube, painted pink but the color was peeling away revealing the grey mass underneath. But none the less you jumped and shook Seungmin, pointing aggressively at the photo booth. "Let's go take some pictures" 

       "Now?!" he coughed, still red in the face. "I am dying!" 

       You looked at him and dead serious you replied "Well..die later" 

       He looked at you perplexed, but once again he let himself be dragged by you. So you got in first and patted the space by your side, which he dutiful filled. You chose a simple frame and a playful one, that one  he frowned upon. But you ignored him and passed an arm around him, squishing yourself into his arms in order to get into the frame. You feel him stiffen momentarily so you quickly looked up. You were a little too close for comfort, you could almost count his eyelashes. He looked.. pretty from this close. His eyes big, looking down at you slightly more wide than normal. His skin was so smooth it seemed like marble. 

       "Sorry" You said, as you shifted away, giving him more space to breathe.

       "Um..it's okay. Shall we?" he said and faced the poor quality camera again, so you leaned in (not too close) and stroke a ridiculous pose with your eyes crossed and tongue out. You turned as soon as the sound ticked of and saw Seungmin poker faced behind you. 

       "Come onn. Humor me" you teased. So he did. He brought his hand over his face in a cute v pose. You gleefully turned around in a similar pose. For your last click you just smiled at the camera, leaving Seungmin to fend on his own. You soon paid for two copies and left the booth. As you were handing Seungmin his own, you heard your familiar ringtone pierce the air. Your phone, you realized. So you opened your bag, manically searching for it, finding it at the bottom of your bag and breathlessly answered. 

       "Y/N!" A raspy voice boomed through the speaker. 

       "Yuqi" you cheered. 

       "We are at Tony's. Fancy coming?"she shouted into the line so you can hear her above the music and the noise. "Jisung is with me. And we bumped into Minho too. If you are still with Seungmin stop by!"

       "Roger that."you said and you hung up. You turned to your tutor, who was observing whoever was left at the fair.

       "Yuqi is with Jisung and Minho at Tony's. Wanna go?" You asked as you began to descend the stairs, that lead to the front entrance of the school.

       "An unlikely combination." he noted as he strolled right beside you. The descend was supposed to be easy but your heeled boots hurt your feet now and the breeze was getting stronger for your liking, lightly blowing your hair into your face. 

       "What can I say?" you said as you tried to get your locks away from your face. "You wanna come?" 

       He stayed quiet for a while. Gazing at the remaining tents that the students were scruffing to pick up, so they can party the night away. 

       "Yeah. I will come. For a little while" he replied at last, focusing on you. 

       You smiled at him, strangely happy your new friend decided to join you. So you made your way to the bar.

 With Seungmin by your side.

And your heart beating abnormally loud in your chest.

     It was a slow day in the cafe.

     Wooyoung and you were absent-mindedly cleaning, while talking about your weekend plans. The flow of people was steady, close to none at the time, so you tried to get the shop ready for the next shift. You looked over the supplies you had gathered. Cups? Check. Coffee? Check. Lids? Check. What was missing? You thought as you skimmed the shelves. Oh! The straws! 

    "Wooyoung! Do we have any straws over there?" You called, hand wandering inside the low cupboard in order to feel around for any stray sets. 

    He lowered himself to see into the other supply cupboard, with a quick look he confirmed your thoughts. "Nope!" 

     You grumbled under your breath. "Going to grab some from the back!" You called as you headed to the back room, where your supplies were stored.

    It was not a big room, storage shelves decorated every wall and it had no window nor any other form of natural lighting, except from the tiny bare bulb above your head. You switched it on and took a look around, trying to locate the troublesome straws. In the end you found them on the highest shelf of the stock room on the far right corner. 

 Whose brilliant idea was this? 

  No one in the coffee shop could boast about their height so the supplies usually where at a reasonable height for you. Except these darn straws! 

      "For fuck's sake.!" you spat out as you dragged the small ladder behind the door to help you up. You climbed it easily and took hold of the straws. But in your haste to finish your task, you knocked over a box.

        You blew a breath out and climbed back down. You let the packet of straws fall from your grasp and hosted the medium sized box in your arms. You climbed the ladder quickly, the box obscuring your vision. You placed the merchandise in the very edge of the shelf and pushed it with as much strength as you could. But as it seemed you needed to hit the gym sooner than later as your strength was proving not to be enough. You pushed even harder going on you tippy toes to get the box into a safer position and then you heard it. You heard the sound before your eyes caught up.

 The awful sound of the ladder tipping. Suddenly your vision tipped, just as the ladder did and you were falling. You thrashed your hands out in hopes of softening your fall, but it was of no use. You landed on the floor on your side, with an intense pain piercing your left ankle. 

         You sucked your teeth in response to the pain travelling up your leg. Fuck! That was exactly what you didn't need right now. You tried to get up and put some pressure on your leg only to stumble and nearly fall flat on the floor again. 

         Desperate situations required desperate solutions "Wooyoung!" You wailed loud enough for the whole store to hear. And when you didn't get an immediate response you wailed even louder. Till the sound of a pair of feet, running to you, was heard. 

 The door was thrown open and a dramatic I'm gasp cut through the air. "Y/N! What happened? Are you okay?" He fretted as he attempted to lift you up.

 Key word. 

Attempted. 

    As Wooyoung lifted you up, you put pressure on your bad leg almost falling down again. "Ouch!" you hissed out, grinding your teeth in order not to whine out loud. This time more carefully, Wooyoung lifted you and kept you close at his side so he can manage your weight. 

         "What happened?!" He asked incredulously as he moved you to the staff room.

       "I fell from the ladder. I must have twisted my ankle, it fucking hurts when I try to stand" you pouted, looking down at your feet. It didn't look swollen nor bruised. Maybe you had gotten lucky and it was just a strain.

         After a quick visit to the doctor, courtesy of your very fretty boss, he confirmed that you had indeed gotten lucky and that it was a sprain that. Rest was prescripted and you should be fine in three days time. 

    Your boss was overjoyed, that she didn't have to pay you medical leave or worse. She even happily offered you a ride back home as you couldn't quite move easily. You thanked her, truly grateful that you wouldn't have to walk all the way back to your apartment by yourself. 

   Once you were in the apartment you let yourself ungracefully plop down on your bed and sign. This incident would take you back a few days. Days you could spend working.. studying...doing everything else besides sitting on your ass. 

         You heaved a sign of exaggeration and pulled out your phone. You had a lesson with Seungmin today and you would have to cancel. You couldn't go to the library like this and he had made clear that he would not go out of his way to come to your apartment.

 You bit your lips, deciding what to write. A simple and nice message would do. 

 A skull emoji? Really? But given his aloof personality it oddly suited him. You shrugged it off and decided rest and a bowl of warm food would be the best for you. 

    Two episodes in your new series and your telephone was ringing. You felt around your covers for your phone and once your hand come in contact with it, you answered without a second thought. 

       "Hello?"  

       "Hello" A gruff voice greeted. 

    You sat up, suddenly more aware. You weren't expecting a call from him."Seungmin?"

       "Yes, it's me" he confirmed quietly.

       You bit your lips. Have you forgotten to write something on your text? Had you forgotten your homework? "Can I help you?"

       "I heard that you fell today and require rest. Is this the reason you cancelled our lesson today?" He asked, dare you say, concerned. He didn't sound like he was craving a path on his room out of worry but he cared enough to ring you up. It was oddly sweet of him.

       "Yeah.. the doctor suggested rest. Like 3 days top" you said, absentmindedly, but soon paused. "Does this change your programme?" You fretted, hands going through your hair, succeeding only in messing it up further.

        "Not much but.. We can have our lesson tomorrow.. At your house" he quietly proposed.

        He had made sure not to include your home at the possible study places. Maybe it made him uncomfortable..was it out of concern for you? The surprises didn't ceased. After a brief hesitation you asked "Are you sure?"

        "Yeah. It's not like you are bored walking to the library. You are injured. I am not that cruel to make you walk till there" he said in astonishment. 

      You suppose he was not. "I really appreciate it, Seungmin. Thank you"  you whispered.

       A humm was heard from the other line before asking "Same hour tomorrow?" 

        "Yeah. Yeah. Bye" You muttered before hanging up. 

        Huh. You fully expected him to take advantage of his free day. Instead here he was calling you to ask you if you were okay and arranging tomorrow's date.

 He was nicer than you expected. 

You felt warmer than before.

    The buzzer let you know that Seungmin had arrived.

    With a grunt you stood on your good leg and hopped over to your door to buzz him in. Leaving the door ajar so he could get in, you hopped back to your kitchen table, where you had laid your books.  

    You could hear his steps as he made his way to your apartment, the instructions you had provided guiding him. You heard him pause outside your door, unsure whether to enter or not, based on it's open state. You giggled and called him over "I left it open for you! Come on in!" 

    He stepped over the threshold and inspected your house. Well... house was a bit of a stretch. Your apartment was rather small, but had a homey and cozy feeling to it. The walls were painted a beige that didn't express you, but it was a requirement of your landlord.     

 You had tried to make it better by hanging artwork all over the apartment. Some where of land scapes you enjoyed, some of quotes that you favoured and some of your close friends and family. Your couch, that also served as your bed, was placed against the wall facing your spacious wardrobe and a bookcase that took way too much time to build.

     Your kitchen was small, some of its wooden surface were begging to submit to time, but you used it well. Plenty of fake plants were decorating it, giving it a splash of color that it needed. Once upon a time you tried to decorating with living breathing plants but... your skills proved not to be up for the challenge. 

      Your bathroom completed the wonderful set. A small white thing that consisted the only other door in the apartment, besides the threshold.

     Seungmin stood still at your threshold, unsure how to move in your space. You shook your head and guided him to leave his things by your couch and join you. He slowly did and approached as fast as a platypus. 

      You got up, careful not to apply much pressure on your bad leg and asked the awkward boy "Coffee?" 

      He looked you as if in thought. "Are you supposed to be standing?" 

      You shrugged, already hopping over to your counter. "I sprained it, I didn't break it so I should be fine. Want some cookies?" You asked, not bothering to turn to him as you were focused on the task. 

      "No, thank you" he said as he watched you make him coffee "Are you sure you're okay? Want some help?"he pressured.

      You did turn to look at him then. He was attentively looking at you from his seat, alert as he expected you to fall over.

      "What did Wooyoung said to you?" You joked as you leaned back. 

       "He said that you fell from a ladder. He didn't heard the crash, but he heard you shouting for help" he parroted back immediately, brows furrowing. 

       "Always the drama queen" you mumbled under your breath, but the boy heard you letting a chuckle at your words. "I am fine. Really. But thanks for the concern and thoughtfulness" 

       He looked at you oddly before turning you his back and reaching inside of his backpack to pull out the necessary items. "Minho had injured his leg last year. It took him a while to recover. He had it bad. But looking at you now.. you do seem fine. So finish that coffee and come here. We should begin" 

       "Yes sir. Right away sir!" You saluted. A small smile your only reply. 

     "Hey Puppy" 

     "Do NOT call me that" he stated, not even bothering to acknowledge you. You heard his sister calling him that over the phone, ever since you haven't missed the chance to call him that. He hated it, of course.

     "Say...You said you have read the SKZflix series right?"you wondered aloud and that was enough to catch his attention. He slightly turned his body towards you and stopped typing on his laptop. 

      "Yeah..why?" He asked, now giving you his full attention. He lifted his hand to pull his glasses away, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He needed more rest.

      "Well, you know that they are making a movie-"you started but was rudely interrupted.

      "Obviously" he sassed, scrunching his nose at you.

      You rolled your eyes at him. "Well it comes out next Friday. And I was wondering if you wanna..maybe.. go?"you mumbled the last part.

      He blinked in surprise. The last month and a half it was not strange for our groups to merge here and there. In fact, you have spend several evenings with your grumpy tutor and his sassy group. They now visit your workplace a lot more, even when Jisung has a day off. Yuna, Ryunjin and Minho, being all dance majors, have a lot of classes together and often end up having lunch together while the rest of you fill the table.You and Seungmin usually come together because your hours matched and your buildings are close. Jisung arrives always fashionably late and Wooyoung pops out here and there.

     Even though you spend a lot of days together, be it at school or outside of it, you have never hangout alone together. But it wasn't like you were never alone. But, never, neither you nor Seungmin have made such plans. But as soon as you saw the posters, your first thought was him. 

      Seungmin and you often talked about the movies and books you enjoyed and, to your surprise, your tastes matched. When you shared your favourite series you didn't expect the enthusiastic reaction. It seemed he was a hug fan as well. So it was only natural to think of him.

        "Sure" he said, after his initial surprise. "What time is the show?" He asked as a hand came to rub his nape. 

         "I don't know. I simply saw the posters. We can swing by after to see, if you are up to it" you said, fumbling with the paper in front of you. You couldn't keep still for some reason. 

         ".. Yeah, let's do that" he said, giving you a small smile.

   Days flew by quickly. Tomorrow was the screening for the movie and you were so excited. You contemplated dressing up as the main character, but you quickly disregarded the idea, thinking about the turned up noses and stares you would get. 

    You were on your way out when you felt your phone buzz and the familiar song filled the atmosphere. You fished it out of your pocket and checked the caller. Puppy, it read. 

    "Hel-" You squeaked as you balanced your phone in your shoulders to lock the door. 

    "She asked me out!" Seungmin shouted through the phone. His tone bright and happy, as if he had won the lotto. 

     You paused your motions, taking better hold of your phone. She asked him out? Soojin? When? What has you missed?

     "Soojin asked you out..?"you slowly repeated, trying to focus.

     "Yes! We were talking since the festival you know! She said that there is a photography exhibit at the center tomorrow so she invited me to go! She said she felt bad that she couldn't go with me when I asked her after the performance" he eagerly continued, happy with the date he scored. 

     "Tomorrow?"you asked as if you were lagging. Tomorrow was your movie. 

     "Yes! I know I told you I would go with you to the SKZflix... Do you think we can reschedule? I would own you a big one" he rushed to say, explaining himself. 

     You bit your lip hard enough to draw blood. They have known each other for nearly 2 months and they decide to go out now? Now that you had plans to watch the premiere? A sudden itch on your skin, your hands couldn't keep still. But what could you say? No?

     "..yeah. That's alright Seungmin. I mean- it's a bummer that you'll.. miss the movie. But- umm have fun at your date!"you rumbled, shifting uncomfortably. 

     "Thank you! We can still watch it together at my house some time later. Minho bought a pair of new speakers so he can practice at home. They help him to 'hear the music better' or whatever that means. They have amazing sound though, I give him that" he continued, happiness clear in his voice. On the other hand, you were distracted. You barely managed to step away from your building, answering with hums and acknowledging him when necessary. When you had crossed over half the distance to your work, you decided that you couldn't keep up anymore.

      "...my partner didn't know this, so the teacher said-" you hesitated but you cut off his grumpy voice, rather rudely. His just wanted to speak about his day, but you wanted none of that at the moment. You wanted some quiet.

      "Seungmin I am at work now. We should hang up." You stated, tone flat. You prayed that he couldn't hear the noise around you through the speakers.

       "Oh..okay.. I will talk to you later" He paused briefly. You usually let him talk longer, you tried not to interrupt him when he was ranting. Not today, you guessed 

       "Yeah. Later" you mumbled the last part and cut off the connection. You kind of stood there for a moment.

 Breathing in and then out.

 It would be a long day today. 

You could just feel it.

        You ended up seeing the premiere with Hong Joong, who was available and a big fan as well. He had recently ended his something with Dami and he was in the mood for company. That's how you ended up in a restaurant after the movie, happily drinking your night away. 

      The next day Seungmin particularly skipped over to you, all smiles and giggles. You almost didn't want to ask about last night so you didn't. You sat at your usual desk and dived into the math problems. You had ignored the efforts he made to start small talk, choosing instead to focus on the numbers in front of you. 

      You managed to stay quiet a whole hour and a half before your curiosity got the better of you. You turned towards him, a little hesitant and not looking at him, you asked "How did it go with Soojin yesterday?"

    He paused his typing and turned to you with a small smile. "Good. We went to the fair and then we grabbed something to eat. We had a great time"

     You slowly looked up to the desks in front of you. "That's great, Seungmin. I hope it goes well" you murmured. You felt a little funny today, distracted, head above the clouds. It must have shown because you felt a hand being placed on your shoulder. You turned, dazed, towards him. He had a smile, a different one this time, as if he was asking you if you were alright. He voiced his concern soon after. "Are you alright?" He asked slowly. 

     You met his stare for what it seemed like the first time this evening. His eyes were full of concern for you. You felt bad that your moody ass was making him concerned, so you plastered a small smile and answered.

"I am alright. Just a little blue"

      He looked at you for a beat. "Do you want to..maybe watch the SKZflix together? I have the place to myself. Sorry for cancelling last minute yesterday" he regretfully said, his head lowering this time. 

       You looked him over and the first thing you thought, he was feeling guilty. You don't know what he was guilty about..but you oddly appreciated the thought. So you gave him a small smile "it's a deal" you chuckled.

Days flew by in a rapid pace.

Life was normal, if not a little bit hectic. Your days was full of classes, work and Seungmin. You woke up, went to uni, you ate, you went to work, on the days you didn't work you had your lessons with Seungmin. To say the least, you were exhausted. 

And it was shown clear as day. Either by your ... irritable attitude or by your awful appearance.

     "Girl you look awful. Like I-spend-all-week-doing-all-nighters-and-have-been-drinking-only-energy-drinks" she put out while she pitifully looked down at you. 

Upon hearing her, you lifted your head and looked her dead in the eyes. "What kind life have you been living?" You returned, tiredly.

      "One that doesn't require me to live like a zombie. When was the last time you rested or went out like a normal person?"she inquired while taking a long sip of her already dried up frapuccino, making your temples throb even harder. 

       When was the last time? You picked yourself up and thought about it. "Like.. two weeks ago? I watched a movie with Seungmin" you concluded.

     Yuqi raised her eyebrow at that, but didn't comment. Instead she wondered, tone full of promises "Can you take off the next Friday and Saturday?"

      You threw a glance at her. "I can run it by boss. Why?" You asked. 

      Her eyes were almost glowing. "It's party time" 

     "Say it again"

   You winced when his voice reached your end of the line. You weren't even asking for a cancellation! "Puppyy" you let out a long whine. 

     "I thought you said you were on schedule, Y/N" 

     "I am. I am just...tired, Seungmin. I am running around since September with little to no time to rest" you mumbled as you run your hand over your face, trying to wake yourself up a little. "I am not asking you to cancel...just move it to the next day?" You asked, hopefully.

     Grumbles could be heard over the line. "Fine, yes" A brief pause and then "Are you ok?" He asked, a little above a whisper. 

       You let out a breath. "Yeah, I...I choice that. I just want to rest for 2 days." You concluded.

      "Okay. I guess I will see you on Sunday. Don't sleep in" he warned, knowing full well your post drinking behavior by now. He had woken you up many times by now.

     "I won't!" You chuckled  "As for the Sunday part. I have a proposition.." you trailed off with a smirk on your face.

 "It's freaking cold!" Yuqi whined as she stepped out of the car.

       You also got out of the Uber you had to catch because of the stinging cold. 

      You were already regretting the dress you chose to wear, even if your knee high boots were covering most of your legs, the cold was hard to beat and was freezing your exposed legs to the bone. You hurried towards the entrance of the club you had agreed to meet with the rest of the group.

    As you neared the club two loud laughs could be heard from the queue, two laughs you could recognize anywhere due to the long hours you spend together. Jisung and Wooyoung stood in the queue joking, quite loudly as Minho and Seungmin stood there, nodding and smiling at the goofy jokes that were thrown at them. You were pleasantly surprised by their presence, you were sure that when you had proposed the idea to your grumpy tutor the answer would be shift and... negative. 

    The both had donned their winter coats so you couldn't see exactly what they were wearing, but you catch sight of a collar picking from the neck of Seungmin's coat. He had pushed his hair back and now his face were all angles and sharp lines. After months of being in his presence you still couldn't believe how handsome he was. 

      "Hi!" Yuqi cheered, capturing the groups attention. Even if she hadn't greeted them, she would've captured the attention - the pink iridescent dress she wore left no other choice, but to look at it. Yuna and you followed closely behind her, huddling in the queue along them. You exchanged pleasantries with everyone and a quick hug with Woo and took your place next to Seungmin. 

       "Well we'll look who we have here!" You puffed, your breath shown clearly in front of your face - almost like white smoke. You could feel your nose running, possibly ruining your make up and the crispy wind slapping your face.

    He clicked his tongue and gestured with his chin to Minho. "He dragged me. Said something about having fun." He huffed and puffed like a child that was being dragged to a family gathering by their parents. 

       "Oh come on, you grandpa! We will have plenty of fun! You'll see!" You said, jumping in place to keep yourself warm. You saw him briefly looking down at your attire and your legs before tearing his gaze to your face. You wondered if the flush on his face was from the likes of you or the wind. But you didn't have time to dwell on it or question him as the bouncer ushered you all in.

     Stepping inside, smoke filled your lungs and colourful lights blinded you. The warehouse, that was turned into a club, was full of swaying young bodies that cheered and drunk the night away. A anxious waiter showed to your table, that were basically two stands pushed together and certainly couldn't accommodate your large group but you hadn't had it in you to complain, you simply dumped your things into the tables and catch the nearest waiter to take your orders. 

      After your third drink you found yourself on the dance floor in between Yuqi and Wooyoung. With Wooyoung's hands on your waist and your own embracing Yuqi around her shoulders, you threw your head back as you let the music that played consume you. Giggles and smoke surrounded you as you let your hazy gaze wondered and it fell straight to a pair of moody eyes that watched you. You untangled yourself from the chaos that were your friends and you lightly treaded towards Seungmin.

     He somehow managed to find a chair into the chaos, which he dragged to your table and sat there, his first glass of the night still in his hand half empty. You reached him and threw an arm over his shoulders, his sitting position making things easier. He side glanced you but didn't react otherwise, choosing to bring his glass to his lips. 

     "Seungminnie why are you brooding?" You sing songed as you shook him playfully. Everything had a pleasant haziness that you were enjoying, even the smoke that was suffocating before started to gently caressing you and the lights just made everything prettier. Especially the boy beside you.

      "I am not brooding" he scoffed as he turned slightly towards you. "I am simply not enjoying myself. This isn't my scene" 

     "Well how are you gonna enjoy yourself when you are sitting here alone?" You pouted and tagged at his black shirt, noticing he had rolled up to his elbows due to the the heat in there. A ridiculous idea popped into your head, making weirdly sense into your clouded mind then. "Come dance with me!" 

       He gave you a look and turned away again  "I don't wanna dance. Go back to Wooyoung and Yuqi" he said, not looking at you. His focus was on the dance floor and you fleetingly thought that maybe Soojin was in there, if he knew she come here often and the only reason he was here was to catch her or if he was simply watching by the sidelines again, but you shook your head dismissing the thought. Instead you stepped in front of him, effectively cutting his view of the crowd and making him look at you. 

        You tugged gently at his hands, not altering a word, you smiled and nodded to the floor and he got up willingly. Rocking on your uncomfortable heels, you looked at him for a moment and replied "But I wanna dance with you" 

        He also gazed at you for a moment, signed before giving a brief nod. You slipped your hand in his, for fear he will change his mind, and tugged him at the dance floor . You found a space by the sidelines that wasn't as crowded as the centre of the floor and started swaying away to the Rihanna song that blasted through the speaker. He stood there swaying awkwardly, even from your tipsy point of view. So you drew closer and threw your hands around his shoulders, making him match your tempo. He freezed briefly before you felt hands slowly cradling your waist and hips, which you were moving with the music and body mimicking your gestures. You looked up at him throwing a smile, hoping you were helping him relax and enjoy himself.

     He was looking down at you with a unrecognisable look. His brows was furrowed and his eyes lidded. His eyes looked more smothering and hot than normal under the red lights. So you did what your hazy mind told you and stepped even closer, hands tangling in the hair on his nape. The song, as if to prevent you, changed to something quicker and fun making you break the intense eye contact and swing wildly with him. 

       The songs were changing from pop to old rocks to rap music you both didn't know well but you didn't move from your spot, continuing dancing with each other. Tem songs have pasted until the DJ settled to a slow piece, that allowed tou to catch your breaths. You were both smiling, making grimaces and weird dance moves to entertain yourselves.            You were once again in each other's embrace, moving slowly. You tip toed to whisper in his ears "See? Aren't you having fun?"

    His breath fanned your jaw and neck as he draw even more near and whispered "Yeah" 

      You turned your head to look at him and realized you were inches apart. You could see the lights reflected in his eyes, a swirling mess of colours, much alike to what you were feeling now. His sharp features looked painfully good and mixed with the smell of his musky cologne, it made you more dizzy than the drinks you previously had. His lips, unreasonably red and inviting, parted lightly and only then you realized you were looking at his mouth. You pulled your gaze to his eyes, only to see his gaze lifting up to meet yours, painfully obvious that he followed the same path as you. You could feel the distance between your lips getting smaller and his hands holding you just a bit tighter as you both moved closer to shorten the distance-

        "Y/N!" A loud voice pulled you out of your daydream. You took a step back out of Seungmin's arms and turned to the direction of the call, only to see a pink clad figure approaching. "I looked all over for you! Come with me for a moment, please?" She wrapped herself around your form, batting her glittery eyelashes at you. You laughed and nodded, casting a glance at your partner.

      "Go ahead. I will go order a drink" Seungmin said as he passed a hand through his already disheveled hair. Before you could answer him, your friend started dragging you away. So you called over your shoulder to wait for you by the bar, by the smile he sent over his shoulder, you took it as a sign of consent.

      You waved your way through the crowd, which was getting larger as the night went by and found the toilet tucked away in a corner. The line, fortunately, wasn't unfathomably big so you leaned by the wall awaiting your turns.

       "Girl what was that on the dance floor?" Yuqi inquired as she came to stand in front of you. Not a sight of sweat on her skin, despite the way she was jumping on the dance floor. You sure you looked like a mess.

      "What?" You asked as you looked over the tacky bathroom, from the papers that littered the ground to the overflowing baskets by the sinks. 

        "Don't what me. You and Seungmin, of course. I swear you were ready to kiss, if I hadn't walked in" she gassed, leaning even more towards you. "Did I do something stupid?" 

     A brief irritation passed over you, before shaking your head to clear it from the alcohol you consumed. "It wasn't like that. We were just talking, maybe it looked weird from your angle. Besides he likes someone else." You dismissed as you moved deeper into the bathroom. 

         "Are you sure? You looked pretty comfy to me." She questioned, giving you her pooch as she reached an empty bathroom stall. 

          "I mean.. yeah. We are close" You answered, facing the mirror. Your make up wasn't totally ruined, but you could see a faint shine to your face due to the heat and all the dancing you were doing. You quickly passed your hands through your locks, ruffling them just right. Before reaching into Yuqi's bag and reapplying the lipstick on your face. You didn't mind the slightly different shade. You closed it up and waited for your companion to exit the stall. Once she did exit and after a couple of 'are you sure' questions, you braved the crowd once again, reaching your table in a agonizing slow pace. 

       When you did arrive, you saw the lone figures of Seungmin and Minho at the table, the others were missing. Even after a quick scan of the dance floor you only managed to pinpoint a dancing Jisung and a Ryunjin chilling with a couple girlfriends' of hers. Wooyoung wasn't anywhere to be found, but you had learned better than to question that. 

      "Wanna have shots?" You asked. The buzz was going away and you couldn't have that, especially that early into the night. 

         "You already had 3 drinks"  Seungmin said, leaning in his chair once again. Minho sipped on his drink of choice but didn't give a negative reply yet, seemingly watching the scene unfold. 

            "Blasphemy! I only had two. Come on three shots!" You raved as you bounced, along with Yuqi, who you didn't have to get consent. 

"Yeah! Let's have some shots!" Her booming voice, parroted. 

         "One" he said, ignoring your pouty lips and puppy eyes. 

         "Two" you challenged, already making your way to the bar, giggling along the way with Yuqi. 

         Once you reached the bar, you waved the pretty bartender over and placed your orders. 4 shots of tequila. You gave the boys their own, noticing Seungmin looked at the glass like it was poison. You cheered, clinked your glasses and off you went to the dance floor, where you ended up in the arms of your handsome tutor. As the night went the one shot became two, and then three, and then four and then you lost count. The only thing that was on your mind was the music, the laughter and the arms that supported you. 

       Suddenly the world was twirling along with you and your eyes closed. When you opened your eyes again, darkness greeted you. You felt yourself moving but not really, and your head leaning on a surface, that was uncomfortable and digging on your cheek. You made to move but a warm voice told you not to and as a warm sensation racked your back, darkness took over again. 

      Your eyes fluttered open once again,but this time, light was hitting your face. 

      You groaned as the first thing you felt was a raging headache. How much did you drink? You opened your eyes only to see that you were in bed, blanket tightly wrapped around your frame in order to keep warm. How did you get home? You sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and stretching your body. You could feel your legs killing you, even though you hadn't used them yet. You stepped on the ground to get up but a sudden groan from the floor spooked you. A body laid there, in between your spare blankets. Oh god...what have you done? 

       "You finally woke up?" A deep voice grunted, still laced with sleep. Seungmin?! He rose from the floor, wrapping the blankets around him and he moved onto the bed with a pained moan. "Move" 

      You pulled your body to the side, allowing him to climb better and lay down on your bed. His shirt was replace by one of your oversized hoodies that, no surprise there, fit him well enough, since they were huge on you. His hair was messy from sleep and his eyes half closed.

      "Seungmin? Why are you here?" You asked, but he was already in dreamland.

      You looked at him for a beat, trying to gather your thoughts. You remember dancing with him last night, cracking jokes and laughing.. and then nothing. You vaguely remember waking up to a moving vehicle, leaning on someone and you looked at the boy sleeping in your bed. Did something happened between you? No. Seungmin wasn't the type of guy to take advantage of you. Also, you had your clothes on and he was sleeping on the floor, you doubted that he was that gifted. 

     You got up, treading towards your bathroom. Your hair could be more of a mess, you decided, thanking yourself for straightening it last night. Your face was clean of make up, only a light shadow under your eyes from your mascara. So that meant you washed up last night. You now realized that you were dressed in your PJs and that you had no recollection of doing so or anything for that matter. Hell, you didn't even remember bringing Seungmin here. You washed up and went to your living room again.

      Seungmin was still peacefully sleeping in your bed and you felt bad waking him up, especially when he spent the night sleeping on the floor. You decided on making some coffee and breakfast. That would be sufficient for now. 

      You had just finished making the last bit of the french toast, when a grunt left your guest. You looked over and saw him, slowly sitting up and freezing when he realized that he was sleeping on your bed and not on the cold floor. 

      "Good morning" you saluted, from your seat in the kitchen table- already nursing a cup of hot coffee. "I made breakfast. Come to eat."  

     He slowly walked up to me and took a seat opposite of you. Either your toast looked really appetizing or he was really hungry, because he fell immediately on top of the plate and started devouring it. "Coffee?" You asked,  getting a positive grunt so you got up and  poured him a mug. You looked idly at the boy, eating your breakfast and hesitantly spoke up. "Seungmin? How did you end up here?" 

    He looked up from his feast and took a sip before he spoke. "You don't remember?" 

    "..No" you responded. 

He lifted his hand on your forehead, flicking it lightly. You blinked, rubbing the sore spot on your forehead "Ouch! Why was that?!" 

     "For the trouble you got me into. After you downed your first shot, you kept drinking. I tried to stop you but you slipped away. Mind you, surprisedly, stealthily for someone so drunk and downed more shots. Eventually it took a toll on you and you blackened out. I brought you here." He used his dad look, the look when you got a problem wrong. Squinting eyes, eyebrows drawn together and his left side of his lips slightly raised. 

     You cleared your throat in order to avoid the tension. "And how exactly you ended up staying over?" You quietly mumbled, now playing with your food. You expected the worst now. 

      He quietened for a moment before reaching to scratch his nape. "You... umm.. you were in a pretty bad condition and I didn't want to leave you alone. You threw up several times-" You closed your eyes, regretting your past actions. But quickly your eyes quirked over your place, looking for accidents.

       "No! No you managed to race to the bathroom. I didn't see anything, but I.. umm.. heard you. " he rushed to get out, explaining the situation. You mentally face palmed, of course you had and done that. You hanged your head in shame, not mustering enough courage to look at Seungmin at the eye. "Are you ok?"  

       You huffed, lifting your head only a little to look at him. His attention was on you, eyes full of worry. Who could blame him though? You would worry about you, if you were in his shoes. "Yeah.. I do that kind of often... if I have too much to drink. And the clothes?" 

       "You gave them to me." He said, pitching the sky blue hoodie he wore to show it off. "I almost thought you were cold stone sober when you exited. You gave me clothes and insisted for me to sleep on the bed."he laughed, making you hang your head even lower.

     "A guest should always take the bed."you mumbled even quieter than before. 

     "Yeah that was exactly what you said!" He laughed, your embarrassment clearly entertaining him. 

      "Puppy... " You said carefully, as you put your weight on your elbows on top of the table. He looked at you, now resigned at the shameful nickname and hummed. "My head is killing me.."

      "Serves you right" was the immediate response. Meanie.

      "Yes..but I don't know if I can concentrate like that-" you got out before he cut you off.

       "You can't concentrate either way. Now get to the point" he huffed, taking a sip of his coffee. 

 "Canwepleasenothavealessonandputonamovie?" You got out as quickly as you could, secretly hoping he wouldn't hear you and just agree. A girl could hope. 

     He didn't shut you down immediately, just looked at you with a strange expression. 

     "You don't have to fill it. It would be on me. Promise" you persuaded him further. 

      He looked at you some more, before nodding "What do you wanna see?" He said as he got up to put his plate on the sink. You grabbed the chance to go and get the laptop and prob it to the coffee table, stretching yourself on the still unmade bed. 

      "I started the show you proposed. It's good. I am on episode 4. Hey! Leave them! I will do it later" you called over your shoulder, hearing water running from the kitchen. 

     "You did? I told it was good!" He exclaimed, as he finished the dishes and took his respective place on the other side of the bed. 

     "Care for a rerun?" You wingled your brows.

      "Nah, put it on" and the rest of the day was spent there with idle talk and comments about this and that...

You could get used to that...

Next»

The Deal (2)

Summary: She was officially failing in life and most importantly in university! With her grades hanging of the edge of a thread and tutors rejecting her left and right her only option is to make a deal with the devil a.k.a Kim Seungmin.A deal should always be fair. Your grades in exchange for Kim Seungmin's dream girl. Simple?...Right?!

Word Count: 35k

Slight enemies to lovers, idiots to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff.

No warnings, some foul language.

AN: Finally it's here! Tumblr won't let me post it in one post, so I am forced to divide into two parts. Would you be interested in SKZ x Greek Mythology theme? Hope you enjoy!!!

Part 1

@lethallyprotected

Well it was time.

   The holiday season. 

   The absurd seasonal drinks you were making all day confirmed that. 

   It was your last shift before taking off to your hometown and everyone on campus decided to pay you a visit today. You were running all around the place, making sugary sweet coffee and foamy milks until the smile was swiped off your face. It was the morning shift so that meant you were getting off at four. A quick glance told you it was 3:30 pm and the half hour that was left was pure torture. 

       But it passed. 

       At the end of your shift, you hung your apron to the back room and bid your coworkers and boss the appropriate Christmas wishes and temporary goodbyes. And you went straight home to start getting ready. You were calculating the time it would take you to get ready tomorrow morning and when should you leave to get there on time, when your phone interupting your train of thought. 

       You checked the id caller and saw Seungmin was calling you. Well, that was a surprise!

      You slid your finger over the screen accepting it and exclaimed loudly "Puppy!"

      "I told you not to call me that" he grumbled under his breath. "Where are you?" 

        You mentally checked before answering.

 You didn't forget any lessons today.

 And you didn't have any plans with him or the rest of them.

       "On my way home" you replied carefully, voice so low that you doubted he was able to hear it.

       A pause and then "Weren't you working today?" 

       "Yeah, my shift ended like 10 minutes ago" you snorted as you crossed the street. 

       "Oh.." he only said. But you could hear noise on the background like he was outside.

       "Seungmin where are you?" You inquired, curious.

       "At the coffee shop.." he replied, sounding defeated.

       You laughed at that. "Why?!"

       "I came by to drop one of your notebooks cause tomorrow you are leaving early" he hastily explained. It was true he had one of your notebooks, but it wasn't like it couldn't wait until after Christmas. 

       You bit your lip, unsure of what to say but opening your mouth all the same. "Well..I am going home you can.. swing by and leave it to me...If it isn't much trouble!" 

       "No, I will be there." he replied "You want anything from outside?"

       "No, I am okay. I will..see you in ten" you replied.

       "See ya in five" he said before hanging up. 

    You quickened your steps, almost fast walking to your house. You reached in no time and climbed the steps in a hurry. At first glance it didn't seem too bad, but it was in no state for visitors. So you began twirling, picking up whatever caught your eye first. You just finished tucking your bed when a knock sounded. 

    "Coming!"you said, rushing to the door and throwing it open to reveal a flushed from the cold Seungmin. He greeted you politely and entered your home, bringing along with him a plastic bag. You looked up and saw him fumbling. 

     "I..I thought that maybe we can watch that movie you said the other day.."he got out, not really looking you straight at the eyes. 

      You tucked your hair behind your ear, sending him a smile. "Sure! I would love to! Thanks for the snacks" You replied and took the bag from his hand.

         You shoved him lightly towards your couch and made your way to the kitchen to plate the pop corn he brought. Only to feel him hover behind you. You threw a glance and there he was leaning against the kitchen table, in all his glory.

       "What time are you leaving tomorrow?" He interjected.

        "Around 9. The train leaves at 10 but we said with Yuqi to be there a little earlier" he hummed, clearly approving of your plans. "How about you?"

        "I am leaving the day after tomorrow. We said with the guys to hang tomorrow evening" This time it was your turn to humm in approval. Some time out with his friends would do him good. He was way too couped up in his house.

       "What are you doing for the holidays?" You wondered as you opened up a bottle of coke as well. The less your fridge had for the holidays the better. You still could recall the horrifying smell of the food that had gone bad while you were away visiting your family. Never again.

       "Probably, I will just stay home. I talked with Jeongin- You don't know him.."he trailed off once he remembered.

        "Baby faced with dimples?" You asked, reaching for the glasses.

        He wordlessly nodded as he took a step closer and pulled them down for you.

        "Thanks. I have seen him around"you confirmed, turning to him.

        "Where?" He asked, doubtful. 

        "With you. Around the school. You know I see many people on a regular basis"you joked, recalling the faces that pasted through the store today and you shuddered.

        "I guess. Anyways, we said that maybe... we can take a trip to go skiing" he said, absentmindedly as he grabbed the full plate and walked towards your couch. He set the plate down only to unravel your bed, which you had previously set. For a moment you stood there watching him in your space. He didn't ask where to sit like the first time. He had been here by now multiple times and you found yourself liking this intimacy. Him at your space.

        When you didn't reply he turned towards you with one eyebrow raised. So you shook yourself out of the daydream you had and replied something like 'you will only hurt yourselves' 

      You quickly settled down beside him on your bed, searching for a calm movie to watch. Through a hasty search and your displeasure with the lack of good movies, you selected Lilo & Stitch, which you absolutely adored. You expected whines and arguments from your company, but only silent greeted you as the movie started. You looked over at him, only iluminated by your laptop's light and had an absurd thought.

 You would miss him during the holidays. 

   The next morning you were running in the cold streets, alongside Yuqi. Running with all your might, although exhausting, managed to secure you spots on the second running train of the day. Your journey was calm and quickly you parted ways with Yuqi, strolling towards the opposite direction. Your dad and your grandparents welcomed you warmly into your house and all together you sat until the early evening simply catching up.

       The rest two days you were spent in a relaxing state, you were simply sleeping and talking with your family. The third day you caught up with some old friends. Some you hadn't seen since forever, so it felt good to know they were doing well and some you still regularly contacted, so you were more aware of their news. 

     As you were walking back, your friends came in mind. What was Yuqi doing? Was Yuna well? Ryunjin got back safe from her trip to her boyfriend? How about Wooyoung and Jisung? Were they out there causing trouble? ...How about Seungmin?

     You fumbled with your phone for a bit, before unlocking it. You strolled through your contacts before briefly stopping above his name. 

     You bit into your lower lip before locking your phone. You would be a bother. You didn't really talk the last days, besides the occasional meme you sent. It would be weird to call him all of a sudden, wouldn't it? 

      Your phone suddenly rang and you nearly jumped out of your skin. You quickly turned your phone over and a gasp left you. The screen displayed the name, that you couldn't bring yourself to call just now. You accepted the call straight away.

      "Hey Y/N" he greeted quietly.

      "Hey Seungmin"you shyly greeted back, unsure what to say now that you were on the line with him. "How have you been?"

      "Good, good. My parents stuffed me with as much food as they could. I made plans with Jeongin this weekend as well." 

      "Mmm your ski trip. Sounds wonderful!  My dad had a feast for me as well. I am just now returning from an outing with friends." You said as you walked further down the familiar street. 

      "Am I interrupting you?" He asked as the thought just dawned on him. 

      "No! No, I am just walking home. Actually I wanted to call too. I was wondering what you were up to"  you shyly admitted, not knowing if it was okay for you to do that. Your nerves soon calmed at his response.

       "Me too. I just stayed at home today. Watched a baseball game."

     "Yeah, dad was watching too when I left" you giggled, amused to hear him grumble at his team defeat. 

  And so the calls continued for the next 2-3 days. 

  And one day calls turned into a video calls. He was only exploring the app and by chance called you, he said. You didn't complain, you just sat and humored him, but imagine your surprise when the video call invitation popped up.

      Here you were today laying on your bed, trying to do math and you had mostly.. completed them, when you stumbled upon a problem you couldn't quite solve. So you decided, that a call to your tutor would be required. So here you were with your hair up and flying everywhere and your pjs on, contemplating to call or not. In the end you sat up, letting your hair down and combing them swiftly before making the call. You waited for a the first beep and then for the second and third and when you were about to hung up, the call was accepted. 

       It was a small comfort that he was in a similar state as you. Clearly in his sleepwear, hair messy enough to match your own and face pressed against his pillow. He seemed just as cuddly as the stuffed animals you had back in the days. 

       "Hey"you whispered into your screen. 

       "Hey"he replied, sounding sleepy.

        "If I called at a bad time I can.." you trailed off, suddenly regretting your choice. You should have checked the time or send a message ahead.

        "No, I was just watching a movie. What's up?" He sat up and stretched to get rid of the stiffness in his body. 

        "I was doing math and I am stuck on this one problem." You mumbled, embarrassed. 

        "Look at you! Doing your homework!" He chuckled, making you roll your eyes "Let me see" you shifted your camera towards the notebook on your bed. The explanation was brief and quite simple, much to your surprise, but instead of hanging up you ended chatting casually. Only when he made himself more comfortable on his bed, you saw the background. "Is that you on the photos?" You asked, trying to cran your neck to see better. 

        He paused for a moment before confirming your guesses with a nod.

        "Can I see?" You interjected excitingly.

        He slowly turned the camera towards his desk. A photo of him in a baseball suit adored your screen. He would be about ten,smiling brightly to the camera, or you guessed, his parents, proudly holding his bat. In the next he was in the arms of his parents, clearly celebrating his second birthday, judging by the number on that cake. And in the third he was in highschool on his sides Minho and the black haired boy that you vaguely recognized as Jeongin. He wasn't smiling full on the last one, a small smile adored his face. 

        "You were so cute!" You exclaimed, laughing. You couldn't see his face as he hadn't turned the camera yet but you knew he would be scoffing at you. "Don't you have more photos?" 

         "A few.." Short it was the reply and his tone anxious but that didn't fazed you in the slightest.

         "Show me" you demanded, making yourself comfortable.

      And so, he did show the few ones he had in his room. He even ventured into to his living room to show the bigger pictures his parents had hung up. Once again in the safety of his room, you were gussing over his photos

      "You really were a beautiful child!"you teased him. 

      "Yeah. Right" he scoffed and paused for a bit. He met your stare through the camera and immediately lowered it as he softly spoke again. "You know my schoolmates used to tease me a lot. Not really bullying, but.. they would say-" he paused as if he said too much.

      The cheery atmosphere shifted. His uncomfortable state wasn't something that sat right with you. It felt wrong to see such a level headed person being anxious over sharing his past experiences. You bit your lip, wondering if you should let it go or encourage him to talk to you. A look at his lowered head had you gently speaking words of encouragement. "If you wanna talk about it, I will listen" 

      He raised his head and looked at you. He was thinking hard about this, but after a good look at you, he signed and continued his story. "They would call me mouth-monster or ugly. I had braces when I was younger, as you saw." You had thought they were adorable. Why would they tease him about something as simple as this?

    "They didn't really continued it for long. Only a couple of months. Maybe a year top. But..you know. Later, I learned Minho threatened them to stop. And who saw Minho and wasn't scared of him. I really own him one" He let out a humorless laugh.

       He was trying to talk about it as if it didn't bother him, as if he was untouchable and it broke your heart a little. He was facing down again, not really looking at you so you coed him gently. 

    "That's why I went into the dentist care. I guess I wanted to help the kids that were like me. Maybe if I was told earlier I wouldn't have to wear them and-..." He looked at you from underneath his lashes. "Maybe if I had been told that I have a beautiful smile more often, it would have been better.. different"

    You could only look at the boy in front of you, your heart breaking at his soft admission. He only wanted someone to tell him he's beautiful. And damn you, if you didn't!

       "Seungmin I think you were beautiful as a child. And I think you are even more beautiful as an adult. You have a amazing smile and you are kind to talk about it as if they aren't the scum bags."  That one got a laugh out of him. "Have you seen the comments on your Instagram? They were fighting over who got to have you" you joked, trying to lighten the mood.

      And it worked as a flush was covering his face now and an embarrassing laugh left him. "But really shouldn't think that about yourself. You are wonderful and you should see yourself as that. You only have yourself in this lifetime. Treasure yourself, Minnie" 

        He looked as if he would cry for a moment, but then he smiled at you. That smile at the photo, the mega watt full smile that lit up his whole face. You couldn't keep a smile off your own face.

      "My eyes! I am blinded by beauty!" You cried and flang yourself out of the screen. 

     "Y/N!!" Giggles left your phone, showing Seungmin also yeeting himself out of the screen. You layed down and brought the phone closer to your face. He mimicked your stance and the conversation flowed down on more easy paths.

      "Don't you have your own home?!" You asked incredulously as your video call was answered once again by none othe than Jeongin himself. 

      "I can say the same for you, Noona! Don't you have other..friends to call?" He said with a pause full of meaning, his foxy eyes almost staring you down. You felt the blood rush to your face at his words and sure enough you were red. 

    "Seungmin!" You called again in hopes of catching his attention.

    "Mmm" he mumbled mid bite, his mouth and fingers stained from the chips he was munching on. He briefly looked over to you before returning his gaze back to the screen.

     "Did you really call me to watch Brooklyn 99 together?" You asked, amused by the boy with the stuffed cheeks in your screen. 

      "Yeah! Now shhhh! We're missing the best part!" He whined, pointing to the tv you couldn't see. 

    You laughed at him but turned on your laptop and went with it.

     The morning air was biting you in the ass. 

     The crispy winter morning wasn't tolerable at all and if only your dad didn't drug you here for your morning holiday tradition, you would be happily sleeping away the cold. But here you were with a basket on your hands and trailing behind him, half awake. 

       "What gift should we buy for grandma and grandpa?" He wondered as he inspected a pink wooly shawl. 

       "Probably something for the winter would be good. You know they get cold easily." You thought out loud, inspecting the shawl as well. It seemed warm and you adored the color.

       "Should we?" He asked back just as unsure. Your grandparents never asked for anything for the holidays. They always accepted their gifts, whatever they were, with a smile and the familiar line of 'it was exactly what I wanted'. You snorted to yourself, they were too nice to tell you that you weren't cut out for gift buying. 

       Suddenly as you rounded an other corner of the market, a stall caught your attention. The stall was full of baseball merchandise. But what caught your attention was a cap. It had the SK Wyverns logo on it and it was a nice shade of dark blue. For some reason, you saw it and immediately thought of Seungmin and how well it would fit him. 

     You didn't know you stopped walking until you heard your dad calling you. You snapped your head towards him, sheepishly and turned your attention back on the cap. You called the shop owner over and asked for a prize. It was a reasonable price, that's why you were buying it. Besides you had bought some gifts for the others, it would sadden him not to receive anything. 

      Your dad was quiet during the whole exchange, but you felt him figgeting beside you and working his courage to speak up. You wish he wouldn't. 

    "So who is the lucky guy

     But he did.

     "No one, just my friend." 

     "Hmm. You have a friend"

     "Daaaad!" you whined, clearly not wanting to continue talking about it. But the old man paid you no mind and continued his 'investigation'. 

        "So when did you meet?"

        You let out a breath. He wasn't letting it go. "He is my tutor. We met in the beginning on the semester. I was failing and-"

        "You are failing?" He asked shocked. He turned towards you, alarmed and worried. 

        "I WAS falling. Keep up, dad. Seungmin helped me raise my grades back up." 

         He wasn't in a good state to hear anything right now "Honey we have talked about this. If you are having troubles with school, you tell me. I know you said you wanna work but if this is too much for you.. You don't have to work-"

      "I have to work. How else can I support myself?" you cut him off, facing forward. You had strayed from the market paths and you were now walking to your truck. 

      "Excuse me? You say that as if I don't support you! Y/N we said that, if it compromise with your studies you would -" 

      "You said! I didn't said anything!" You talked back, already feeling the blood rushing to your head.

       "Y/N!" He roared, taking you by surprise. Dad never yelled. He must be extremely furious to raise his tone like that. But right at this moment you couldn't force yourself to care, as you were in a similar state. "Do you have to be that damn stubborn all the time! We have talked about this! I didn't agree to you working in the first place! You-! Ugh! You still did! But! But this! This is taking things too far!" He spit on your face, his face growing redder and redder by the minute. 

     "You can barely manage here! How can you manage me too?!"you were both shouting at this point, anger taking over.

      He took a step away from you, breathing heavily from his nose. You did the same catching your breath, your eyes were misty and you hated that. So you turned to the truck you had unconsciously reached, placed your things inside and stepped back. You turned to your father, who was stomping his way to the driver's seat and told him sharply "I will go and see if I can buy something for grandma and grandpa. I will see you at home" 

    You didn't expect an answer, you simply closed the door (albeit with a little more force than necessary) and disappeared into the crowd. 

       You wandered quite a bit, passed stalls and merchants as they shouted loudly to be heard over the others. You stopped in a few stalls to inspect some things that catch your fancy, but with your temples throbbing and your teeth still gritted on anger, you couldn't appreciate them right. So you wandered aimlessly across the market some more, until you grew tired and cold. You knew a place, where they sell the most amazing hot chocolate you've ever tasted and it was near the market so you headed there. It was a small shop, colours of yellow, green and white blended all together to create a childlike atmosphere that seemed to make you lighter when you headed in. You ordered your hot chocolate and sat at the window, trying to calm down.

     Theoretically, you knew that your dad cared for you and that's why he told you to quit and pay attention only to school, but he would't be able to afford to pay for everything. You wanted to be able to go out and party with your friends without worrying if the money would be enough. You wanted to lighten the amount of rent your dad paid and help him around the house too. Help with your grandparents' meds and expenses too. 

     You signed and took out your phone to check the hour. 11:45 pm. It was still early for your next bus. 

     You unlocked your phone and played with it for a bit, before checking your messages. Yuqi and Yuna had replied to your last message and you had been sent memes by Wooyoung and.. Seungmin? You opened the message and saw it was a mathematical meme. Classic Seungmin. You laughed and called his number before realizing. When he answered after the first beep, you were shook out of your stupor. 

      "Hello?" He called "Y/N?"

      "Hey. Yeah, it's me" you whispered shallowly. Why did you even call?

      "What's up?" He asked.

      "Nothing.. Nothing much! I just..wanted to chat" you said, not really knowing what to say. "Sorry I didn't know you were busy. I will talk-"

      "It's okay. We just arrived with Jeongin to the rooms and we would take a rest anyway."

       "Ohh right. You went skiing this weekend. How is it?" You asked as you nursered the rest of your chocolate. 

      "It's nice! The snow is thick enough so we can go skiing tomorrow" he exclaimed, clearly excited to slide through the snow and down the hill.

      "Tell Jeongin to take videos of you falling. I need something to laugh at" you teased him lightly, still watching the busy market out of the window. 

      "..Y/N? Are you okay?" He asked quietly, probably sensing you weren't in the best mood. After months together when you didn't talk his ear off it was a red flag, you supposed. 

       "Mmm. Everything's fine" you replied.   

Silence greeted you on the other side of the line and then. "If you wanna talk about it, I will listen" 

     A snort left you. "Gosh, I hate when you throw my words back to me" He laughed along with you trying to lighten up your mood.      "Annoying isn't it?"he asked, still laughing. 

     "Yeah..it is" you paused briefly,  but the need to tell him made you open your mouth again. "I had a fight with my dad." It was quiet for a moment, only the rustle of the bed as he sit up was heard. 

      "About?" He wondered.

     "He found out that I was doing bad at math. He said to stop working and focus on school." You played with your cup, twirling it around in your now warm hands. People were slowly filling the store, but the seats around you remained empty.

      "Okay" he dragged the word, trying to select his words carefully "And why did you fight?" 

       "It's just...money is tight, dad is struggling to make meet's end and pay for my grandparents' expenses. I am on scholarship and if I fail, it would only be more money-" you couldn't complete your sentence as tears choked you up.

 Gosh you hated this. 

 You didn't like to cry. And there you stood, in a crowded shop, your only company your phone with tears streaking down your face.

      He on the other line was panicking, never heard you cry this easily before.  "Hey! Hey! Don't cry! Take a big breath for me."

     And you listened to his instruction. You gulped as much air as you you could "Good. Good. Take more breaths for me" he coaxed you.

     Breath in.

     Breath out.

 You continued breathing, calming yourself enough.

     "Ok?" He asked, uncertain.

     "Yeah..I just.. don't wanna be a burden to him. I wanna help. If I have a job that means one less worry for him. It isn't easy, I don't want to work all the time. I wanna have fun but I can't be a burden to him, Seungmin." you sniffled. It was as simple as that. 

       "You are not a burden-" he started, but you cut him off ready to go at it.

      "I am! I am a burden to you too! I made you agree to this deal! I had a lot to win, you didn't. I am burdening you-" you swallowed back a sob. Your throat was clogging up again and some costumers where starting looking your way.

      "Y/N. You are not a burden. Don't say that" he pleaded, starting to sound upset as well. 

     You paused, gathering your thoughts, trying to explain to him in a more effective way.

      "You asked me before why I was in marketing... It's always needed. You always need to sell a product. If you always need to sell, I would always be needed, so I will always have a job and income" you quietly said. 

     You were simple really. You were a little greedy, a little chatty and sometimes over confident for no good reason. 

      "Y/N listen to me. You are not a burden. You knew how to make a deal. You gave me a solution. If you were cruel about it, you could have told everyone but you didn't. You care about your father and don't want to weight him down. You are working hard and at your own expense, you are struggling. You are a good daughter and a good friend. And for what matters, I am glad I met you. You encourage me to try new things, that I wouldn't dare to try. I don't want you to think bad of yourself." He instructed you. He made everything you did sound like a noble act, it couldn't be so far from it.

      You moved the phone slightly away from your face and sniffled quietly. A new bunch of tears were wetting your face, sobs racked your body and at this point you were panting for breath. He had really moved you. And even though you knew he was saying some of those things because you were a little sad, you decided to enjoy the comfort and question yourself later. It made you feel a little better all the same. 

      "Thank you" you got out.

      "Your welcome." He replied right away "Y/N can you take some more breaths for me please? Where are you now?" He asked. Was he concerned? He sounded frustrated enough and like he was pacing up and down on his room. 

     "Out. We came to the market with dad. He..left but I have a little more shopping to do." You sheepishly replied, leaving the walking away from the car incident out of the conversation. You already over shared.

       "You should head home and talk with your dad. And call me after. Okay?" The pacing had seized and a loud thud was heard maybe as he landed on the bed. 

       "Okay.." you said slowly, now more in control of your breathing "You sent me pictures of your trip, okay?" It would be wonderful to see something as pretty as the snowy mountain.

        "Okay" he mumbled more quietly now, as if he was being heard. Maybe Jeongin come in. "Talk to you later" he said and you half- heartly bid him goodbye.

        The ride home was a long one. You thought over and over what to say to your dad. You were a bit cruel and you exaggerated a lot. An apology should be the first thing that leaves your mouth, you concluded. 

        As you neared the door, it flew open revealing your very worried dad. He looked trousled, his hair (or whatever was left of it anyway) was messy as if he run his hands relentlessly, his face was flushed as he was crying. 

         "Dad what-?" Was all you managed to get out, before you were cradled into his arms. He didn't talk, just squeezed you harder. A sound like a sniffle was heard and just as you made to question it, you were drugged on the inside. 

        "Dad?"you questioned, standing still. He was pacing back and forth now right in front of you in the middle of your living room. "Dad!" You exclaimed successfully catching his attention. "I am sorry"

        He looked at you before engulfing you between his arms again. "No, baby. I am sorry" And with that sentence it was like he opened up the gates and tears welled up in your face.

      "I didn't want to be a burden! You have so- so much going on h-here! And! And I was t-trying to do w-what I can on my own" you sobbed. Your nose was blocked and your voice wobbled as you tried to get the point across.

        Just then hands cradled your face making you meet his eyes. "Baby..you are not a burden. It is my duty as your father to provide for you. You don't have to think about money all the time. I am here for you" 

       Hearing those words you broke down again in the safety of his arms, your troubles seemed so little and insignificant. For now you could be a little vulnerable and less tough. 

    Hours later, you were freshly bathed and in bed, ready to go to sleep when your phone rang. You reached over to your desk to grab it. Only to see a familiar name flashing across your screen. 

     "Hey Minnie" you whispered. 

     "Hey.. how are you? You.. didn't call so I... yeah" It was quiet on his end, he should be in his room by now, tired from the day's activities but he still made the effort to call you. You felt grateful you had met such good people. 

      "I am good. We talked about everything. Maybe I will cut back a few days to relax and study a bit more." You said as you cuddled into the bed, the emotional day finally catching up with you. You felt your eyes drop, but you willed them to open up again.

      "That's good. You should rest more. You deserve it" he replied back, tone gentle. You weren't used to hearing him like that. Sweet and gentle.

     "Seungmin.. thank you. It means a lot to me that you called"you said quietly. Hoping you weren't dumping much on him. 

       Quiet was all you heard through the line for a bit and then "I wanted too. I wanted to comfort you as you did to me the other day. I don't talk much about that time and it felt.. good...that the first thing you said to me about that period ,where I was not in a good state..it was that my smile was shinning" 

        You smiled. For some reason, hearing you made him feel lighter and happy made you lighter in return. It always did for some reason. All the times that he did things out of his comfort zone, all the times he followed along with your schemes, everytime he smiled at you and comforted you. You liked it..

    You liked him. 

    You blinked twice at the sudden though.            You liked him?

   Your first thought about the guy was that he was way too stuck up and insufferable to get along with. Where did all this came from? Maybe from all the times he cared, when you twisted your leg, when he cared for you when you were drunk, when you silently sat at your home and watched dramas, when he came by the coffee shop to sit with you. 

      Ohh. You were officially fucked.

     "Y/N?"

     His voice pulled you out of your daydream. Face completely flushed at this point, lips bitten to shreds and eyes wide you only could stare at your phone.

       "Y-Yeah! I-I was looking for my charger! This thing always runs out of battery" you explained, thankful for once for your ability to lie easily. 

      "Maybe if you didn't spent all of your day on your phone the battery would be okay" he teased, trying to get a reaction out of you. And he got it

        "Hey!" you whined loudly to your speaker. But the only response was his giggles, that warmed your heart a little more. Suddenly you didn't want to got off the phone, you want to hear him speak idly about his day and poke fun at you. So you asked just that and as if he was thinking the same he eagerly spoke.. It was well into the morning when you hang up, your heart lighter than ever and a silly smile plastered onto your face, even in sleep.

      Fifteen days passed before you could even blink.

    The cheery homey atmosphere at home, the meetings with your friends and the calls with Seungmin filled your day to the brim. 

Yesterday was the first shift of the year. It was lovely to see all your coworkers and friends together again. Your boss, being the generous woman that she was, had prepared gifts for everyone. You had been gifted a black ribbon that served as a hair tie. It was adorable. And a discreet reminder to tie your hair during work hours. 

your hair during work hours.

      Now you stood before the library, waiting at your usual spot for Seungmin, with your own gift in your hands. The cap was nothing much and you were sure it wasn't even original, but along with the pair of blue mittens and a scarf, you hoped they were enough.

 You eyed the people coming.

 No sign of Seungmin yet. 

A quick glance at your phone told you, it was a minute past your agreed time so you would let it slide. You busied yourself by replying to some texts from Hong Joong and Ryunjin, when you felt a presence behind you. With a quick glance, you found yourself looking straight into a pair of chocolate eyes. 

    You yelped from the surprise and the closeness. "Kim Seungmin!" You barked, hands coming to clutch your heart. Furious giggles greeted you in return. You looked up to see him, the two weeks apart treated him good. He seemed refreshed and lively, who knows what kind of mischief he had caused along with Jeongin. You instinctively reached up and slapped away his hand, that was covering his smile. He didn't dodge your efforts, letting himself be hit.

     "Hello" he said when his giggles seized.

     "Hi"you got out.

 He looked even cuter on person, was your first thought. You mentally slapped yourself. Come on Y/N! You have known him since October! You were together almost every day since mid October! Those were the rose tinted glasses people talked about. "How was your break?" 

       "As you don't know" he said, rolling his eyes. "We have been talking almost everyday" he quoted and starting walking towards the double doors of the library. 

      "Wait!" You yelped, clutching nervously his gift. You were beginning to sweat purposefully and you felt way beyond yourself. "I...um..I got you this!" You thrusted the cute bag in front of you, body all stiff.

       He cocked his head to the side and walked over to where you stood. Gingerly he reached for the bag, opening it gently as you would take it away from him. Slowly a smile spread on his face, he looked up briefly to you and then down again on his gift. He took it out and wore it, with a proud smile on his face. "How do I look?" He asked, turning his head from right to left so you can see him from all the possible angles.

       "Adorable" you teased, now at ease. Blue suited him, you thought and you told him so, your words bringing a pretty flush on his ears. He then cleared his throat and began searching in his backpack. After a beat, his hands come up clutching a small white bag. With a embarrassed smile, he extended the bag to you.

       "I guess we had the same thought" he explained, looking over your head before fleetingly meeting your eyes. You felt a warm feeling spreading over your body as you gazed from him to your gift. You sent a big toothy smile his way before taking the bag and taking a look inside. Inside the bag sat a smaller bag made of tulle, which contained the most beautiful pair of earrings you had seen. A dangly thing it was. A single pink cherry blossom sat, where you supposed your lobe would be and from it three almost invisible chains ran down, petals sprinkled over the chains. You loved them. 

      "Thank you Seungmin. I love it" you said, tucking it safely back into the box. 

      He smiled at you and shaked his head. "It just reminded me of you. Shall we?"he asked, pointing at the building behind you. 

        "We shall" you answered.

     The next few days were a dream.

 You all came back, hang out, had multiple night outs and had been having a blast. 

You hadn't noticed how Seungmin had warmed himself up in your daily routine. You met almost daily, his friends always lurked around the cafe, either because they were working in it (insert Jisung) either because they enjoyed the place. You had officially met Jeongin, who you always chatted with on your video chats with Seungmin, but never actually met. He was a sweetheart and always ready to mercilessly tease the grumpy boy.

       But, unfortunately, you were not the only ones that reconnected. Soojin and Seungmin reconnected. And they reconnected really good.They had been actively hanging out. Mainly on the cafe, occasionally out of it. You saw their stories and how they discussed where they would be going. 

       And you were seething.

       You wondered all those past months.. how did you manage to stand this? Not only you had to watch them on your shifts, you had Seungmin telling you all about his conversations with her. On the past you had no problem, now things were...a little different. But you hadn't had the heart to tell him to stop talking. You always wanted to hear him talk about things that made him excited, even this.

     Today though was your day though.

 You had a new series you wanted to watch. You had prepared masks and facials you had been dying to try out. As you searched through the fridge you realized. You had forgotten the beer. Usually your fridge was fully stocked and ready to serve, but a certain non drinker (as he had called himself) had been through 5 cans of beer the last time he was here leaving you dry. As you were contemplating running a quick errand to the market down the street, your phone rung. You checked the caller, seeing exactly what you wanted. 

     "Seungmin! Perfect timing! We ran out of beer. Can you get some on your way here?" You asked as you filled up the bowl with your favourite barbeque pop corn. 

     "Y/N...I hate to do this but do you think we can .. reschedule?"he said, tone slightly off.

     You assumed the worst. Seungmin was nothing if not punctual.

     "Are you okay? Do you feel alright? Did something happened with Minho or Jeongin?"you stressed, hands immediately flying up to trousle your tresses.

     "No! No, I.. had made plans with Soojin and I kinda mixed the days"he said, carefully.

     Oh.

     Of course he would prefer to spend his night with Soojin than you. You bit your lip, unsure what to do. Of course you minded. Not only it was the second time he did that to you, it was for the same person as well. But you couldn't exactly tell him that, could you? "No..I.. don't mind. Have fun" you slowly said, voice void of emotion in order not to betray your true one. 

     For a moment you thought that he would question you about your tone and your robotic manner, but he eventually signed. "I will make it up to you. I swear" he said.

     You hummed and muttered a simple goodbye. Energy suddenly drained and with your mood bungee jumping through the floor, you decided a wine or a beer would be definitely needed after all. So you grumpily grabbed your coat and your old sneakers making a bee line to the store. You entered, greeted the cashier and taking your familiar basket to browse the selves for anything that caught your fancy. You had a couple chocolate bars in it and you were standing in front of the fridge with the alcohol when the sound of your name being called grabbed your attention. 

     Turning your head, you met with a two coloured head and a bright smile.

 Hong Joong. 

 You smiled and waved him over.

     "I haven't seen you since before the holidays!" He exclaimed as a greeting, crushing you into a bear hug. 

     "Happy New Year Joongie!" You giggled, as you took a step back. His stare fell from your face to your basket to the fridge you were currently standing in front of. 

     "Not so happy right now, is it?" He asked knowingly. A grimace overtook your face, not being able to lie, you nodded.

     "I admit it could have gone better" you signed and then asked, half turned to him, half scanning the alcohol. "Did you finish your project?"

     "Yeah! We still have a check over left, but it was all smooth sailing" he laughed, clearly at ease. You envied him. Especially now, that the exams were looming over your head with the threat of expulsion. And there was the thing with Seungmin. You know the recently discovered and one sided feelings you had for him. Your thoughts must have manifested on your face because soon he was asking what's wrong. 

     "My friend, to tell the story it would take a long time and alcohol" you preached, eyeing the strawberry flavored soju bottle. 

     "I got time" he announced, making you turn at him. You raised your eyebrows and he nodded. 

     "In that case what kind of soju flavor do you prefer?" You required.

    After a few hours later and some (a lot) of drinks later you were okay. Your second tutor became the first one to learn of your feelings for your third one. Ironic. But Hong Joong had a calmness that made you feel perfectly at ease telling him that. He had adviced you to go for it and he had admitted he thought you guys were already dating. You had snorted at this.

   You wished. 

    But Hong Joong was wrong. He had been right about Seungmin curling himself up and begging for mercy as he did that the very next morning. But he hadn't seen coming the next rejections. 

    Three weeks in and Seungmin had cancelled on you 5 times. Soojin this, Soojin that. You had grown tired of hearing how great the girl was. Not to mention insecure. She was pretty, nice, kind. What hasn't she had? And do you have? 

    You tried to drown your feelings and feigned empathy towards the sudden cancellations and ruined plans. But you felt heavier with every ruined outing or night in. Those 5 times were enough for your eyes to shine maliciously green. You were beyond yourself jealous and you didn't know what to do and how to act before Seungmin anymore. Maybe a little more distance would do you good, maybe you could salvage a little of your heart. Yeah, a little distance is good.

    And apparently you must wear your heart on your sleeves because Seungmin caught right on. He apologized about the plans alright, but now every time you made plans you would find an excuse to avoid him. You had to go shopping with Yuqi or you had agreed to meet with Hong Joong and you couldn't cancel last minute. You even tried to cut down on your study time and that's when he knew that something was definitely wrong, after all exams were a mere 3 weeks away and you needed that time. 

    Ηe stepped up then. 

    That's why today you waiting for him in your house, practically vibrating with nervous energy. He seemed on guard when he called you. Almost awkward. But then he probably mimicked your own behavior. Your lips were bitten to shreds and your nails bloody by the time the doorbell rung. You gulped down as much air as you could and you opened the door. 

  And there he stood. 

  The cap you had gifted him on his head, black puffer jacket engulfing him and with an adorable flush on his cheeks, probably from the cold. You took a step back, inviting him in silently. He made his way into your home, now the surroundings familiar to him and plopped down to your couch. He cocked his head to the empty side of the couch, silently asking you to seat. 

     You made your way to him and before you could even sit on the couch, he started the interogation. 

     "What is going on?" He asked, always his straightforward and level headed self. 

     Truth or lie, that is the question. But right now lying seemed like your only ally. "What do you mean?" You asked carefully. 

     "I mean you are avoiding me. You are cancelling our plans. You even wanted to cancel the lessons!" His voice was steady, raising slightly at the end, making you feel even worse for a moment. And then you remembered the scene of them sitting together at the cafe, the phone call to cancel your plans and the words flew out of your mouth without your consent.

   "Like you didn't do the same" you returned, a scoff leaving you. 

      His eyes widen at the mockery that was present in your voice, but they quickly changed, they seemed like steel now. "I cancelled on you once" he reasoned, hands coming together to grip each other tightly. "Only once"

      "No, you cancelled after we already made plans once. You had been pushing around the dates that we planned and the hangouts 5 times at least! I guess that happens when you get a girlfriend" you commented, lips pulled back in a snarl, your face an menacing grimace now. 

      "Ohh so you can hang out with Hong Joong, but I can't hangout with Soojin" he chided, tone ice cold.

      "Don't compare the two. It's totally different" you reasoned, frustration causing your voice to raise. You turned to face him fully on the couch now, he seemed as agitated as you felt. "Besides I hanged out with Hong Joong the times that you left me stranded" you spat.

      He flinched at that. Head hanging low for a beat and then raising again, ready for a duel. "I like Soojin that's why I am hanging out with her. You were supposed to be happy for me. That was the deal" 

      It was your time to flinch at that. That was a low blow, even though he didn't know. "So why don't you go now to her?" You bitterly asked, looking away.

       He sat silent for a moment. Staring at his hands. When his voice shattered the silence.

  "I will confess tomorrow. That's what I wanted to tell you" he breathed, twisting his hands nervously at the thought, letting his guard down for a second.   

      Your heart plummeted in response to those words. It felt like an invisible hand went through your chest, grabbing your poor heart with its only purpose to rip her right out. 

Your vision that stayed nailed to the faded corner of your coffee table started blurring little by little, like you were looking at the world through mist eyed lenses. You closed your eyes not wanting to let the tears escape and betray the deviation you were felling inside right at this moment.

      "I guess the deal is over.. But I..I will see you around Y/N." He smiled an odd uncomfortable smile that showed the confusion he was feeling, and even though not a word come out of your mouth, he got up, gathered his things, walked to the front door and left.     

       Upon hearing the sound of the door closing the tears that you tried so hard to keep, were now slowly dripping down your face. Your mouth was trembling, lifting and dropping, as if it couldn't decide what expression to keep to express your sorrow better. Even breathing was more difficult now, due to the blockage in your nose. But all that wasn't what was important right now.

 You were losing him.You had lost him before having a chance to tell him how you feel.     

    Suddenly you weren't on the sofa anymore, you were up and running. Running after him. You flew out of the door and raced towards the stairs, you didn't have time to wait for the elevator to arrive, instead you headed to the stairs. When you reached the entrance your breath was unstable and the place under your ribs hurting from the sudden work out but you paid them mo mind. You run outside, turning your head left and right trying to locate his disappearing figure. There! There he was! By the end of the street, a lone figure, coat clad and on top of his head sat a very familiar cap. Your gift to him specifically. 

       "SEUNGMIN!" You yelled with all your might. He heard your panicked call and turned towards you. But before he could take a step to your direction, you were already running. Running before time caught up with you. 

      You reached him, panting from the rally. He looked beautiful. In the middle of the street, lights hitting him just right to appear ethereal, his hoodie and black thick coat made him appear warm in the cold winter night, almost like a beacon, calling you closer. His capped head cocked slightly to his right made him more adorable as he waited for you to breath normally and tell him why you chased after him.

    "I like you" you blurted out incapable of controlling your feelings anymore. "I like the way you always scold me when I do the wrong thing so I can try harder, l like when even though you pretend to be cold you are always so considerate, I like how you are always so adamant to be right and react so adorable when things don't go your way, I like how passionate you are. I like how we can be silent and watch stupid shows together. I like how you sent me every little thing you thing it's cute so you can share it with me. I like how easy are to get with, contrary to first opinions. I like how I am with you. I like who I am because of you. I like you Kim Seungmin" Tears were still filling your vision, you could now see your breath in front of you in the darkness of the night but you didn't care. You needed to tell him, you had told him and right then you felt so light like you could float away. 

     One look in his wide eyes though, told you that maybe you should fly away, flew the scene and most devastating of all something told you that maybe you couldn't have your chance after all.  

       "Y-Y/N I..I-" he tried getting out and your whole world tumbled down. "I don't know- I am not sure if I feel the same-" he could have stabbed your heart and it would hurt less than what you were feeling right now. 

He doesn't know. 

  A new set of tears came to your eyes, but this time you were incapable of holding them in. A sob was clawing it's way out of your throat, only escaping a mere second before you slapped your hand over your mouth in order to keep it in.

    "Y/N!" He exclaimed, taking a step towards you, hand raised as if to wipe your tears away, but your shaken step back stopped him. You shook your head as you took another step back. He didn't want you. Even though you told him everything.. he didn't want you. You turned around and blindly runned.

 "Y/N!!Y/N wait!"  He shouted after you.

   Nothing stopped you though.

   He didn't stop you. 

   An excruciating pain clawed at your chest making you blind to anything except your inner turmoil. You reached your apartment door in a pained haze, bursted in and let your sobs take over. Painful sob after painful sob racked you, making you unable to comprehend anything around you. You didn't know how much time you spent there against your front door, crying your heart out. All you knew was that you were light headed, your ears were ringing and your grip over the world was slipping. 

  It was exactly as you feared. 

  You had told him and you weren't enough to keep him. 

You weren't everything he wanted. 

You weren't good enough to love. 

You would never be good enough. 

You picked yourself up from the floor, took the remaining steps towards the sofa and slumped over it. You hadn't enough strength to fight the oblivion from taking over. The last image your mind concurred was of Seungmin-wide eyed in reaction to your confession and tears slipped down your eyes again as you finally slipped into the oblivion.

     After that night you had made it your mission to avoid him at all costs. 

  Your shame and pettiness didn't allow anything less than that. 

You had blocked both his number and his instagram, which you had crafted slowly together.

 Seungmin had made several attempts to contact you ever since that night. He had come by your workplace as he had deemed the phone useless by now but you had taken a couple days off work. Not wanting to worry your father with an unexpected surprise and not wanting to be alone in your apartment, you had crashed at Yuqi's for a few days, hoping your dramatic ass wasn't too much for her. Her roommate Soyeon rolled her eyes at you for crying over a boy but joined your pity party anyways, not able to resist pizza. 

    With exams drawing near, you unfortunately had to study. Looking at your notebooks and books filled with Seungmin's neat handwriting you felt like they mocked you. But you had to get through this, for this stupid scholarship you made the deal, for this you broke your heart. 

    Eventually you had to get back to work. Your days went smoothly, you ticked in, greeted your regulars, small talked with Jisung and now you were on the front on cashier's duty. You heard the door opening and you opened your mouth automatically to greet the customer, but the sight in front of you left your mouth dry. Seungmin bursted through the door, panting as he made a bee line straight to you. He came with such strength that he collided against the counter. He looked wild, hair a mess and clothes hastily put on. 

        "Y/N! Where- Nevermind! I need to talk to you." He got out, hands inching over the counter to reach you. 

      But you took a step back and with a tone as cold as you could muster you stated "I don't have anything to talk about with you" You could do this. You spent enough days crying over him. You wouldn't cry anymore. 

       "Please! I have to tel-" 

       "Seungmin." You cut him off, staring him dead in the eye. His desperate appearance and big eyes made you crumble a little inside. "I said everything I had to say. You gave me your answer. We have nothing to talk about" 

       "No you don't understand. I-" he rushed his words in order to get something across, but to his bad luck and to your good one, a customer cut your conversation short.

       "Excuse me? Can I order?" A unfamiliar face inquired. 

         "Yes, of course." You called over Seungmin's shoulder before turning to him "If you excuse me, I have work to do" you ushered him gently to the side and tried to pay him no mind. 

 Seungmin had made several other attempts to contact you.

 You still avoided him as much as you could, but it was a bit difficult when he stood there looking at you. You tried to not talk to him while he tried to corner you. You had instructed Ryunjin to not let him near you. You would break if you did. Even now the sad looks were getting to you. 

    This thing was going on for a week and a half. You hadn't spoken to each other seven days now if you included the small talk by the cashier the other day. You weren't ready to hear him, you weren't ready for him to tell you that he was together and happy with Soojin while you were over here, green with envy and with a large challenge in front of you.

 Exams were starting. 

   You weren't even there, neither mentally nor emotionally. But you had to fight it. Your scholarship depended on it.  

  Fake it till you make it.

  So fake it tou did. You forced yourself to work on your studies. In the mist of it all, little notes had been finding their way into your things.

Don't forget the formula! 

Keep on working hard!

Hope we can talk..

You had a pretty good idea on who was the writer.  

And it pained you greatly. Why was he going through all this trouble. You had gotten his message and while he was being nice trying to make sure you were alright, you would rather he wouldn't. He was making this too hard on you. 

He had Soojin now. All was good, right?

The truth was you hadn't seen him with Soojin,not once. The girl's visits were few now, that she had started on her finals (earlier as all the art students did), but when she appeared she had gifted you a knowing smile. A secret only she knew apparently, because you had no idea why she was looking at you like that. You didn't pointed that out, in fact you hadn't looked at her that much.

 And exams rolled in.

   The first three subjects were a success.. Of course you couldn't escape the dread that filled you everytime you sat behind the desk, but you had managed alright. It was manageable till now, but the big threats (maths and physics, you couldn't even utter their names!) had yet to come. 

 You had picked up less hours at the cafe in order to prepare yourself. You were a tutor down yet again, albeit this time a little more painful.

   And finally the d-day arrived. You raised your head, shoulders pulled back. 

Pens? Check. 

Pencils? Check. 

Water? Check. 

Student ID? Check. 

Note from Seungmin?... Check 

The little yellow note was safely tucked in your pocket last minut,e because you couldn't bear to part with it. He had sticked to your front door last night, you showed it when you came over from work and it had moved you to tears. Gosh, you were such a crybaby now!

 You knew that your conversation was long overdue. Three weeks have already passed and even though you wanted to, you couldn't bring yourself to. 

    But that was a problem that future Y/N had to deal with.

 Now you needed your head in the game. 

You had maths to do, you thought as you marched to your possible doom. 

 You had passed! 

The endless hours, the blood, the sweat and the tears you had spilled were all worth it. Admittedly you had made it barely, but you had made it! You had made an exceptional progress on physics too, acquiring a better grade than you originally thought you would.

   You were beyond happy and your immediately thought was of your beloved tutor. You should contact him, firstly to thank him and secondly for a conversation you had apparently left in the middle, what was left to say was beyond you. 

    You were playing with your phone currently, the contract named Puppy open and ready to be called. You bit your lips, your finger hovering above the button when a voice stopped you on your track.

   Soojin.

    "Hello Y/N" she pleasantly greeted, an ever lasting smile on her face.

   "Soojin, hi. The usual?" You asked, not in the mood for pleasantries. You had already turned your back to the girl to make her coffee.

   "To go, please" she called sweetly to you, getting a sharp nod in response. "How is Seungmin?" she asked, voice still dripping honey. You froze. While you didn't know Soojin that well, you didn't think she was the type to gloat in your face about her winning Seungmin's heart. You appeared to be wrong again. 

    "How should I know? Shouldn't I be asking you that?" You returned coldly, trying to hold yourself back. You were at work, you wouldn't be caught fighting like a 6-year-old for a doll you both wanted. Not that Seungmin was a price to be had. He was just as pretty as a doll thought.

    "Ahh, you still didn't talk with him" she signed. You turned to place her drink of choice on the counter, ready for her to be gone. "Why are you avoiding him?" She said, head cocked to the right, making her seem all too innocent for your liking. 

      You almost scoffed "I don't think this is any of your business" you answered while you took her card to ring up her order. 

     For the first time her face turned sour and a determinated pout appeared on her face "Well I am making it my own goddamn business. We talked with Seungmin. We made everything clear. He likes you and I like Eric" she answered, sassiness dripping from her tongue this time. 

    What?

   "What?" You voiced out loud, shock obvious on your face. Seungmin did what? 

    "Yeah, you know tall, blonde and handsome?" She quoted, raising her hand a ridiculous amount above her head to indicate Eric's height. 

    "I know how Eric is! I told him what drink you like for god's shake!" You exclaimed, teeth grinding together. 

     She looked like the cat who got the milk as she thanked you for that. You blinked.

     "I don't understand. You and Seungmin went on so many dates" you mumbled. 

     She looked quite guilty this time "I already apologized to Seungmin about that. I was trying to...make Eric jealous" she admitted, her eyes focused, all of a sudden, on the coffee in her grasp.

     "The photography exhibition?" You asked, dazed.

     "Eric was managing a tent there" she whispered, head low.

    "The movies?" You insisted.

    "A girl from Computer Science had invited him! Gosh, how much I don't like her! She always made heart eyes at him!" She scoffed, sounding much like you when you cursed her in your head.

    You felt your jaw slagging, mouth open whole you stared at her. Really? Seungmin liked you? 

     She glanced at you, seeing how you were taking it all in. "He told me he thought that he liked me. When I asked him what did he meant by 'he thought', he explained the deal to me. He seemed so happy when he talked about you, content." She smiled at you, that knowing smile she had been sending lately. "When I asked him if he perhaps liked you, he blinked and nodded. He even apologized!" She giggled and you joined too. Socially awkward and adorable as always. "He cares about you. And I think you should talk to him, Y/N" she finished. 

    You nodded, still dazed from all the information. She saluted you silently and walked out the door.

    What Soojin said stayed with you. You weren't sure if she was being truthful or not, but you had already decided to contact him, you reasoned with yourself. At least that's what you told yourself as you send the message at 10 p.m. 

       You had fully expected to be left on read for days maybe even to beg him him for a small talk, so the immediate response, needless to say, surprised you. The answer left you at a total loss.

   You immediately tensed up. You hadn't expected him to rush here that late. But better now than never, you guessed. 

    Not even twenty minutes later, there was knocking on your front door. You took a deep breath and opened your door.

     And there he stood. He was panting, as if he sprinted here, his face was flushed and adorably nervous. His eyes ranked over you, taking you in the way you were doing to him right now.

You watched him for a moment too long, the weeks of not seeing him were catching up with you. He looked tired as well, he had bags under his eyes and his face was sucked in. Worry fleetingly took over you as you took a step in his direction, but the way his eyes were, so intensely, focused on you, not shying away, reminded you of your situation. Letting out a breath you took a step back, allowing him to enter your home. His eyes fell from your face momentarily as he took the step in, gently closing your door behind him.

       The two of you stood there, tense and not knowing where to begin. You had said everything that you had to say, so you stood there utterly defeated. Discarded in favor of Soojin by the very boy that stood in your living room. By the very first boy that was begging to win your heart. Or do you thought. If what Soojin had said to you was true...then why reject you? Tears threatened to make an appearance (as they often did those days) but you pushed them back and sucked your cheek. "How have you been? Did you do good on your exams?" You asked, a small smile on your lips as you gestured at your couch.

       He returned the awkward smile you sent him, taking a seat across you. "I am doing.. alright, I guess. I have done well in my exams. You?" He asked, pointing at you. 

         A bigger smile overtook your face. "We did it!" You exclaimed as you wanted to do since the morning that you learned the news.  "I mean, it was a little above average but... I passed nonetheless" you cheered. 

      He made a grimace "A little above average?" He asked, scrunching his nose.

      "What? Will you say you teached me better than that?" You inquired, lounging better in your spot, smiling all the way up to your ears.

     "Will you throw me out if I say that?" He asked, head cocking to the side. His tone was a mix of sassiness and uncertainty.

     You deserved that, you guessed. "No, I will not" you mumbled, not able to look into his eyes. 

    "Then, yes. I taught you better than that" he quoted, lightly giggling to easy up the tension. It brought a smile to your face, but you quickly sobered up.

     "Why are you here, Seungmin?" You asked, plain and simple, tired.

      The boy took a breath, shoulders squaring as if to ready himself "I am sorry" 

A slap. 

Right on your face. You swallowed your words and returned nothing, wanting to hear what he had come here to say. "I was an idiot. A moron. When you told me you..liked me, I hadn't thought about it. I mean..we ar-" he looked at the floor briefly as if willing himself to remember pointers he wrote, but he picked up when he left off shortly "We are close. We talk every day, we joke around, watch movies together. I had gotten used to you, you were an ally, a friend. I hadn't thought about you in..that light.." you turned your face away, facing the wall, a few stray tears escaping your eyes. He took notice of your state, quickly scooting over, closer to you, one hand on your arm, the other gripping feather light the place your neck and jaw connected. You raised your hands, a motion that meant to shoo him away, but he didn't budge. He stood there looking over you, worried and painfully tender. 

      "That was what I thought I felt. But Y/N, I don't face time my friends everyday for hours, I don't text them to remind them to study or eat, I don't have reminders to tell me to text them, I.. don't catch myself thinking they are pretty or wishing they were closer when we are watching movies..I don't dance with them and think they are beautiful and wish I could kiss them." he continued, voice quieter as he went on, the last part almost inaudible. If you weren't in front of him, almost locked in his arms, you wouldn't be able to hear him. 

But you could. 

And your heart was pumping so hard that you could hear it in your ears, your breath was short. You were hanging from his every word. What? What was he saying? 

"I didn't ran like a madman to find a pair of earrings for them. The exact copy of the earrings they were looking at the festival..I failed at that one, but I think cherry blossoms suit you better anyway" he breathed, a low laugh escaping him. How he could remember that was beyond you. Had he always paid that much attention to you? 

"I don't go mad when I don't talk to them for a few days" he whined, clearly embarrassed if the flush on his face and ears said something. "I don't beat myself up for hesitating to return their feelings" he finished. 

      That was a confession? "What then?What am I, Seungmin? What am I to you?" You challenged, looking him straight at the eyes. Yours reflected resolution and a fiery temper, his.. reflected guilt and affection, that much you could read, but also pain and hopefulness. 

    He took a shaky breath and dived in, sealing his lips over your own. You stood frozen for a moment, Seungmin overtaking all of your senses. All you could smell was his manly and wonderful cologne, all you could taste was the mint on his lips and an essence, so clearly him you couldn't explain otherwise. All you could feel were his soft hands clasping you affectionately, his plush lips on your, his eyelashes tickling you gently. All you saw, before closing your eyes, was fluffy hair and his beautiful face coming closer. You got lost in the moment, reciprocating the kiss before your mind could talk you out of it. You reached up, waving your hands into his soft hair, bringing him closer. Your mouth opened, inviting him in and pressed yourself complete onto him, wanting to fell him touch every inch of you. You kissed him fiercely, with a passion, he gladly returned. You felt him draping himself around you, holding you desperately and with a passion you hadn't expected to show to your person.

 All you now was that you were experiencing pure bliss. You didn't want it to end.

        You didn't know how much time you were kissing, tasting each other eagerly, having gotten lost at the feelings but eventually you had to part to get some air inside of you. You didn't exactly separate, he retreated just enough so he can rest his forehead against yours. You could feel his breath in your mouth, that was also covered in the taste of him. You opened your eyes to look at him, seeing him already gazing adoring at you. And then he spoke.

        'I like you" he stated confidently. Face flushed, lips even more kissable than before and eyes alit. "You never were just a friend in my mind. I just...I never have been in a serious relationship..I didn't know what I was supposed to be looking for. But when they asked me what I wanted and I started describing, I realized I was describing you, Y/N" he whispered, nusling closer to your face. The proximity was driving you crazy and his words was making it worse. It was all too much to take in at once. 

  "Soojin" you mumbled, the close distance between your faces allowing him to hear you. "What about her? You said you like her" you mewled, pained. The same guilty feeling resurfaced on his face again and his hands tightened around you. 

       "I am so so sorry" he nearly sniffled. As soon as you heard the little sniffle, alarms went off inside your head and you immediately drew closer, hiding your face on the crook of his neck, arms tenderly patting him for comfort. You felt him rest his head on top of yours and nussle his face in your hair. "I thought I did. I hadn't thought about the chance that you.. I didn't know what I was feeling and God-" he took a big breath and started again "I thought I liked her, but when you confessed, don't get me wrong I was super surprised but I couldn't get you out of my mind, so I told her. And it ended up being alright because she-" 

     "Likes Eric. I know" you completed. 

     "How?" He asked.  

You crewed your neck back in order to see him better and gave him a small smile. "She came over at work. She spilled everything. And for the matter, I think they look cute together." 

   "Hey! Are you calling me ugly?!" He protested lightly, hands tickling you and making you let out loud giggles.

     "Stop!" You shrieked, burrowing yourself deeper in his arms. He did and hugged you tighter in return. "I think you look cuter with me" you cheekily murmured squished against his neck.

   He laughed briefly and slowly he unwinded himself from around you. You immediately missed his warmth.

      "I am so sorry for all of this" he got out, guiltily. "I have made a mistake. A stupid one. And ..and if you take me back I promise not to make the same ones again. I promise to listen to you and try to express myself more...I.."he trailed off, unsure what else to promise you. You quietly giggled to yourself. 

You liked him too much to hold it over him. You liked him too much for you own good.

 So you smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck again. He immediately cradled you near, not missing the chance to hold you. 

      "You promise to never make the same mistake again? And talk to me instead of mumbling nonsense?" You inquired, your hands reaching up to cradle his face gently. He closed his eyes for a moment in tot bliss, before snapping them open and nodding.

      "I promise" he stated. 

       "And you must promise to do what I ask of you" you pouted, dragging the words out, now in a playful mood. 

       But he eagerly nodded his head, taking your every request without complains. "I promise"

       "Even when I ask you to go photoshooting with me?" You wondered, eyes scanning him. But he easily let out a giggle, nodded before ducking to kiss your nose, setting off butterflies in your stomach. You pressed your lips together in order to seal a smile before continuing. 

     "Even when I ask you to watch boring dramas with me?" You asked, eyebrows raising, remembering his distain in your pickings. 

        "Mmhhmm"he let out easily, as his eyes swept over you with literal stars sprawled over them. 

     "Even when the Wyverns are on and you wanna see them?" You mischievously asked, beaming up at him. He chuckled, drawing you closer than ever, not an inch separating your bodies. 

       "Even then" he agreed, content with you in his arms. 

        "You got yourself a deal then" you said, cheekily, peaking up at him. He opened his eyes at the sound of that, meeting your gaze, full of intent and tenderness. Now affection and playfulness twirled in his own eyes, so much in contrast with the cold boy that you had met all those months ago.

        "Deal" he said, reaching down to seal this deal with a press of our lips.

I'm writing a Seungmin angst fic but I'm too lazy to finish it😔😓

LOOK WHAT I FOUND 😭😭😭😭

Seungim edit link bc its from ig

Skz making a bet on you Maknae Line pt.2

Pairing: OT8 SKZ x f!Reader

Genre, AU: angst ofc, lovers to exes!AU

Warnings: cursing, mentions of cheating, many mentions of insecurities, a little suggestive. I think that abt it

Summary: you happened to learn one day that the never really loved you and only made a bet with the other members to see if you would fall in love with them

A.N: Not proof read at all and FINALLY GOT ALL PARTS OUT YAY

Parts: Hyung line Maknae Line pt.1

HAN JISUNG Han sat there. He was stunned to say the least. He didn’t expect you to show up nor hear what he said. It wasn’t until Chan nudged his shoulder that he let go of the breath he didn’t even know he was holding. The older boy looked at Han disappointedly.

Chan held him by the shoulder as he told him, “Are you gonna be a dumbass and sit here or are you gonna chase after y/n and hope she’ll take you back?”

After hearing that, Han finally got up to his feet as he nodded his head. “I’m gonna get y/n back be-because I don’t know what I could possibly do without her. Yeah… that’s what I’ll do.” Then he bolted out of the room to go and find you.

As he ran down the hall and almost out of the building, a particular box caught his eye. It just so happened to sit on the top of the rest of the garbage. He could tell it was yours from the way it was made and decorated. Seeing the box there on a pile of trash made him tear up. He grabbed it and held it tightly to his chest.

You were walking down the street by now. Kicking at the rocks that stood in your way. All the hard work you put into everything just for him to turn his back on you. All the tears had already been cried and dried. Now you were extremely exhausted and your only goal was to get home.

Making your way through the crowded streets, you suddenly hear your name being called. You whipped around to see a very distressed Han racing towards you. Seeing the tear streaks on his face made your heart break. In that instant, you almost forgot the hurt he caused you. But when you did remember what happened earlier, your past anger returned and you decided to walk away from him.

When he saw you turn back around and just walk away, he became panicked all over again. He chased after you until he was right behind you. As soon as he could, he grabbed your wrist and made you face him.

“Y/N!!! I understand that you’re hurt and you don’t want to talk but please just hear me out! You mean everything to me and—”

You immediately covered his mouth. He tried to take your hand off but you put another hand over his mouth.

“Let’s talk about this at home. Please?”

Han finally eased down and nodded his head. The two of you were just a couple blocks away from home anyways. So you and Han walked side by side in awkward silence(insert song, sry I had to😭). He constantly glanced between you and the floor until he gathered the courage to ask you,

“Can I… mmm… Can I at least hold your hand? I’m scared you’ll run away and you won’t listen to me. Then I’ll never see you again! You’ll break up wi—”

You grabbed his hand so he would just shut up. So he did. The rest of the way was in silence with the soft comfort of each other’s breath and presence.

When you made it home, both of you sat on the couch. Spending a couple moments in silence. Eventually, you spoke up, breaking the uncomfortableness.

“Are you not going to explain yourself?”

No answer.

“If you don’t say anything, I’m gonna go to my friend’s house. I need some time. Food’s in the fridge so warm up something for yourself to eat if you get hungry.”

No answer.

You sighed as you rose from your position, almost walking away before you felt a small and gentle touch on the tip of your small finger. A soft voice of the one you loved spoke.

“Don’t go… I’ll talk. However much you need me to. Just don’t… leave.”

The last word made you feel a pang of pain in your heart.

“It was a stupid bet we made when we were younger. Hyunjin brought it up during our debut. The first girl we found the most attractive, we would ask out no matter the circumstances. It took me a month to even get to know you and a year to get close to you. I was scared but they made me confess. So when you accepted I was so happy. Nothing matters more than you. I promise. You’re everything I could ask for so please don’t… don’t leave me. I’ll do anything you ask. Just don’t.”

As much as he tried to keep strong for you, there were tears brimming his eyes. You knew you couldn’t stay mad at him for long. And the way he confessed the truth warmed your heart. How could you leave him?

“I forgive you. I’ll just need a little time. I promise, I won’t leave you alone. I just need to take a bit of time for myself, yeah?”

Han slowly nodded his head as you pressed a kiss on his cheek.

Everything was fine though. You returned on the second day and boy did he make it up to you. In more ways than one. If you know what I mean. 😘 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LEE FELIX You didn’t hear from him for a few days. It angered you. He was the one who did the wrong thing and now he just thinks he can pretend you never existed!? It’s probably for the best. You don’t know what you would do if you saw him again. Forgive him? Probably not. You’d rather jump on him and claw his face right open. Wait, let’s backtrack that. Probably just punching him in the face was enough.

It had probably been a month since Felix last contacted you, and you to him. It hurt you, you admit. But you were slowly moving on. Finding people you could actually trust in.

Well let’s just say… things did not go according to plan.

On a late night out with a couple of you girl friends, you were drinking and getting hit on. It was fun. The freedom, you mean. You weren’t held back by the restraints of a relationship.

But I guess not everything goes like what you'd expect. Because while you were drinking a margarita, in walks in, no other than, Felix. And who did he just happen to walk up to first? You. The audacity to even take this action made you give him a hard slap on the cheek.

“Hey, asshole. How’ve you been?”

Felix just held his cheek in shame. He couldn’t exactly just yell at you. It was his fault in the first place.

“Hey, y/n… I’ve been awful.”

“Good.”

You were fuming. You were not gonna let some man walk back into your life after saying such hurtful words and then ghosting you for a month. You absolutely loathed him. That wasn’t really true though. Deep down, you still loved him as much as you used to. But, you were too scared to get hurt again.

Felix was equally as irritated but you mattered more to him right now, than his petty thoughts. So he grabbed you by the hand and dragged you out of the bar, ignoring your cries and pleas.

When you were finally outside, his grip loosened but he didn’t let go. You just sighed and rolled your eyes.

"The hell do you want?" You said as you yanked your hand away and began rubbing your wrist.

"A chance to explain myself to you."

"After you ghosted me for a month? Not a chance. Get a life."

"Wait, y/n-"

"Leave me the fuck alone."

"I still want to be with you..." He nearly said breathlessy.

"Well I don't." You were fighting every fiber in you to run back to him tell him how much you love him and never let go. But you didn't want to be the dumb, naive girl, who always ran back to the same man. The same person. The one who hurt them. But you stayed there and listened.

A moment of silence was exchanged until Felix said something.

"We were just immature little fucks when everything happened. Minho made a bet with me, that if I got the number of the roundest woman I could find then he'd give me 200 bucks. I was foolish, so I took up the bet. Had it never happened, I wouldn't have gotten to know the great person you are. I never expected to love you this much, but I do."

You looked up into the night sky to prevent your tears from falling. It was stupid of you to want to run back into his arms. To feel the warmth of his smile and presence again.

“That doesn’t change anything, Felix. You still think I’m a woman who weighs too much and looks… fat. You told me yourself that you love my body. But that’s all a lie because if Minho never made that bet then you would’ve never approached me. You’re just like the rest of them, Felix. Someone who only focuses on looks and not the actual person. You’re no different than Minho. It might have been just an immature joke to you but it meant everything to me.”

“Y/n—”

“No! Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to ever see you again. You ruined me, Felix.”

Felix could do nothing but stay silent and so you walked off. The emotions were too overwhelming for you. You may not have been able to punch him in the face but you were able to express yourself. A month of no closure and now you finally got it. At first, you thought that it’d make you hurt most. But surprisingly, it felt as if you lifted a weight from your chest and now you could be yourself again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ KIM SEUNGMIN You weren’t walking for a long time before you heard another pair of shuffling feet right behind you. You began to panic. It was dumb of you to leave the house this late at night, especially in a big city like this. Your pace quickened and so did the person's behind you. Not only your pace but your breath too. Your fight-or-flight response immediately kicked in and you were definitely opting to flee.

Suddenly, the person ran up to you and grabbed your arm, yanking you back.

"Ahhhhh!!!" Your scream peirced through the night. "Get the fuck off of me! Leave me alone!" But the person only brought you close to their body and hugged you. Then, you heard the soft voice of your boyfriend. "Shh.. shh... y/n it's me. It's me, Seungmin."

You gladly hugged him and thanked him. "Oh god, thank goodness it's just you, Seungmin. I was so scared that someone was following me. That I was going to get abducted or something. Thank you, thank you, thank you." You stuttered out between shaky breaths.

Seungmin only continued to comfort you. "Shh... it's okay. I understand. You're safe now. Sorry for making you so scared, love. Shh..." He rubbed soft circles onto your back as you sobbed into his arms. "I came to find you because you didn't grab your coat and I got worried. Even when we're mad at each other, you shouldn't be out in the cold. I understand if you don't want to talk to me but please make sure you won't get hurt or sick."

It was moments like these that kept you from being mad at Seungmin. You could argue for hours but you would still be his highest concern.

With your hands still holding him to you, you whispered, “Can we just go home?” Seungmin nodded his head, still rubbing your back. “Yeah, let’s go home.” He kissed the top of your head before taking your hand and leading you back to your house.

When the two of you arrived, the once comforting silence became awkward and insufferable. You patted the sides of your arms as you stared at the ground. While Seungmin rubbed the back of his neck and looked everywhere but at you. The uncomfortable silence was eventually broken by Seungmin.

“I’m sorry for saying that. I shouldn’t have taken my stress and anger out on you when you had nothing to do with it. I should’ve talked it out with you instead and I’m so stupid for taking you for granted.”

“What about the last part, where you said… you know.”

“I said that out of anger. But it was mainly because me and a few of my friends made a bet to take out the first girl who walked through the door at that party we met at. Lo and behold, it was you. But then I really fell in love with you and I became thankful that that bet was made. Because if we never made that bet then I wouldn’t have found you, the wonderful and amazing person I love.”

You couldn’t help but tear up at his words. Seungmin didn’t get upset easily but when he did, he would argue with you for days on end. But he always came back around when he all too quickly became worried for you. That’s what made you love him.

When Seungmin didn’t get a reply from you he suddenly asked, “Are you going to break up with me now?” But then he heard your sniffles and his heart broke. He constantly kept making you cry even when he didn’t mean to.

Unexpectedly, you ran to him and hugged him. “I can’t even think of ever leaving you. I love you so much and your way with words just makes me want you even more. You know me too well, Seungie. I love you.”

He kissed the top of your head before resting his head on yours. “I love you too.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YANG JEONGIN Jeongin waited outside the bathroom for you to come out. It wasn’t like he could go in. He’d be casted out of the restaurant for being a creep and a pervert. So he patiently waited.

Eventually, you did come out but you had washed all your makeup off. The crying left streaks of mascara running down your face so you washed it before exiting. As soon as you saw Jeongin, you turned the other way. But unfortunately for you, that way just so happened to be a wall. You sighed before turning back to him. You were being a bit dramatic but you didn’t know how else to deal with it.

Jeongin spoke up quietly. “Do you want to talk about it? We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” You slowly nodded your head in response and he held out his hand to you. You silently took it and followed him into a more quiet and private room.

“I’m sorry for walking away instead of listening to you.” You said.

“No.. no, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you earlier and this was a horrible way for you to find out about it.”

He paused to see if you had anything to say. But when he got no response, he continued.

“Umm… so I used to have a big fat crush on you…”

You giggled at that, a little surprised that he could admit it so easily.

“D-don’t laugh at me! I’m being serious!” He said out angrily. "I-I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." You said as you kept giggling. Jeongin was happy to see you smiling again so he kept going.

"When my hyungs found out they constantly teased me about it. But then the teasing turned into bets. They were betting on me to see I would ever confess or not. I told them I would but I never actually stayed true to my word. One day, they got bored with each other and came to me. They said that I should confess to you. If I succeeded they'd get me the latest Bruno Mars album and if I didn't then I'd have to give each of them 80 dollars. So we shook on it. I didn't want to lose so of course I mustered up the most courage I possibly could and asked you out. When you said yes, my whole world suddenly brightened as if this was what I was waiting for for my whole life. After I took you on a date, I told them of the success."

Your heart swelled at his words. You never knew he was so in love with you. It was almost as if the past event never happened. Now you were smiling from ear to ear as he told the story. Upon seeing your smile, Jeongin did too.

"I thought they'd stop teasing me after we got together but they never did. Calling me a simp and stuff. I'm not saying I'm not because I'm glad that I love you so much people can see it. But I hate being titled that."

Your eyes were full of affection for each other and it was clear as day. Every word that came from his mouth only reminded you of why you loved him so much. So how could you not voice it?

"Innie?" His ears perked up, indicating he was listening to you. "Have I ever told you how much I love you." He immediately pouted his bottom lip and opened his arms as an invitation. You slowly made your way over into his embrace. "Have I ever told you how much I love you too?" You chuckled as you nodded your head. You looked up at him and saw that he was still pouting. So you took it as your responsibility to kiss it away. Glad to say it worked as he laughed at you antics.

How could you ever doubt him when he loved you this much?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Taglist: @123rinu @pgnwook @mixtape-racha @hannieslovebot @lolareadsimagines @garrixer-06 @bandolls @chansbabygirlsstuff @camilagonzalex @mariteez @beccaskz @kibs-and-bits @kaitchan

@lynlyndoll @bangchansslut6 @hanniemylovelyquokka @changbinsjuicybiceps @xx-twalia-xx @bangchansprettygf @lvlnijiro @totallynotlyntv @htnw004 @shecheatedwithme @jiisungllvr @neteyamsmate4life @yoongles2025 @cosniffee @gdaymates @iilliess @tadashisdisaster @celticcountrygal @dazzlingligth @mylilliposts @troublemaker02

Back To Me

Pairing: Kim!Seungmin x F!Reader

Genre/AU/Tropes: Angst, non-idol!au, lovers to exes

Warnings: breakup, language, regrets(if that counts idk), implied cheating, daddy issues

WC: 2.5k

Summary: Things with Seungmin just didn’t seem to ever look up and when you confront him about it, he lashes out

A.N: !NOT PROOF READ!Feedback is greatly appreciated*★,°*:.☆(￣▽￣)/$:*.°★* 。also, I’ve been obsessed with “Back To Me” by The Rose since it came out and this ff idea has been weighing heavily on my mind. I am not implying that said idol(s) behave anywhere near what is mentioned in this ff. Inspo from 

Song rec: ‘Back To Me’ by The Rose

You can still remember those sweet moments with Seungmin. You ran along the seashore as he snapped pictures with his camera you gifted him on his birthday. He took you on a short trip to the park and took pictures of you with your hair blowing in the wind. The both of you laid beside each other, getting lost in the other’s eyes.

But you can’t remember when it all started. What caused that sudden change in your relationship? Was it you? Was it him? You would never know…

You didn’t sense it. It all kind of just… happened. Slowly, Seungmin started to grow distant from you. You wish you knew why. I mean, you could’ve just asked him what’s wrong right? Well, the answer is no. How do you ask someone who’s never home and doesn’t reply to your texts? On days he would actually come home, he wouldn’t talk to you. When he did, all he would do was lash out at you for things that weren’t even your fault.

You tried to support him, you really did. You always kept your calm and told yourself it was just because of his stress stemming from work. But it wasn’t long before it broke you down. Nipping at even your smallest insecurities. So on one of the days when he came home, you just said it all to him.

As soon as you heard the door open, so did your mouth. “Come eat dinner. It’s gonna get co- I’m not hungry”, he cut you off. You got up from your seat at the table and forced him to sit down. He sighed heavily. “What do you want, Y/n. You're driving me crazy. I have enough shit from work and now you're being so demanding.” You scoff. You don’t know where it came from but a fire set ablaze in your eyes and all you felt was irritation.

I can make you mad, I can make you scream

“I’m the one driving you crazy!? I’ve just been looking after you and trying to help you through this stress. But suddenly I’m the problem? You know what? I’m tired of this. You can’t just blame me for shit I didn’t even know of. I’m trying to be a good girlfriend and for what? For you just to come home and berate me when you feel like it?” You were breathing heavily by now and the anger consumed you. “Well, you’re not the one working are you? You’re not the one earning money. You’re not the one putting food on the table. You’re not th- But I’m the one trying to make this relationship survive!!!”, you cut him off because you couldn't bear to hear those words come from his mouth. He knew how much they hurt you. 

Your dad said the exact same words before leaving you on your own with your sick and dying mother. When your mother died, it left you in shambles. You were barely 12 then and so your aunt adopted you. And she treated you like her own. She was the only family you had left until you met Seungmin. But now it feels like she was and still is the only family you have left.

Seungmin huffed before taking a bite of food. But, he immediately spit back out along with his venomous words. “What the fuck is this!? It’s salty as hell! And you wonder why I’m not eating this shit.” Before you could even process his words, you heard the front door shut. You were all alone now. Again.

I can make you cry

After taking a shower you had no strength to do anything else. It wasn’t exactly a physical problem. You were just mentally and emotionally exhausted. You laid down in bed and curled yourself in a tight ball, with the blankets covering you. You felt vulnerable and weak. Like you couldn’t do anything to save your once perfect relationship with Seungmin. Suddenly your face began to feel wet. You were crying. But now, you were beyond the point of just crying. You were sobbing uncontrollably. 

Did he fall out of love with you? Or was he just playing you all along? Did he find someone already and he was waiting for a perfect chance to break up? Why did he change? Was it because of you? Or was this his true self and you were too blinded by love to realize it? What happened to that sweet smile that was always hidden behind the camera? What happened to his velvety laughs that would echo through the night? What went wrong..?

You ended up crying yourself to sleep but when you woke up, you found that you had a cold. It must’ve been from the crying last night. You felt your head pounding from all sides. You quickly went to the kitchen and took some painkillers. If Seungmin was here right now, he would be the one taking care of you. Does he even want to be here?

“No. Stop thinking about him, Y/n. He’s the reason you’re like this.”, you thought out loud. You hated the thought of even contacting him in the state you were in, but you needed someone there while you were sick.

Calling all day but I never pick up, instead of pulling my weight always pushin’ my luck

So you called him.

No answer.

Called him again…

No answer.

The cycle went on a couple more times before you sent a voice message. 

“Hey, Baby. I’m sorry for what happened last night. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that and I understand that you’re also busy and stressed. But can you please come home? I just really need you here right now.”

It has now been several days and your fever isn't getting any better. You spend most of your time in bed but force yourself to take medicine and find something to eat. Left with no choice, you called your friend.

Yuna came over in no time, making sure that you weren’t hurt. But she could clearly see how much you were burning up and the immediate help you needed. She nursed you over the weekend until you were okay. When she asked about Seungmin and found out what happened, she tried her best to convince you to leave him. She always knew that he would do no good for you. But you wouldn’t listen. You refused to. It was only a fight between the two of you. He'd come back to you. Right?

You gave me all that I could take, yeah I take it all for granted. Head up in the clouds, yeah I'll never understand it

Seungmin didn't even return until a full three months later. When he arrived, he wouldn't even look at you. Even though he laid beside you to sleep at night, there was nothing but a wall between you two. It was suffocating you. But it clearly wasn't having the same effect on Seungmin. He would giggle in the middle of the night at some tiktoks he was watching, not minding that he'd wake you up.

It was all so frustrating but you just couldn't find it in you to leave him. Well... that's what you thought at first.

Love no longer remained and if there was any, it was fully one-sided. You were sick of this. The constant mental torture was doing you no good and it slowly killed you. It didn't feel as if you were even a couple. You felt like a caretaker. That's not what you bargained for when you started this relationship.

You tried everything in the books to get him to open up to you. Only to learn, that he was just getting tired of you. You no longer interested him. Or so he said,

"Meh. I've just been bored and trying to find a better entertainment source."

You were so fed up with his, if not irritated, nonchalant attitude. When would he realize that he was hurting you. This internal rage was constantly being built up and you just couldn't handle it anymore.

So you opted for the only choice left. To leave him.

I can make you leave. I can make you hate me for everything.

You packed your clothes and belongings into every box and suitcase you could afford and sent it off to your aunt's. You had already told her of the plan and she agreed. Now all that was left was for him to return home. Time ticked by and the anticipation was killing you. Your knee bounced furiously. You were chewing on your thumb nail until you heard the click of the front door. An exhausted Seungmin stepped through.

"Hey, Seungie. Can we talk?"

He groaned as he walked past you. "Let's talk tomorrow. I'm too tired."

"No. We need to talk like now. It's really important. Please?"

Seungmin rolled his eyes before walking back over to you. "What's so important that you're disturbing my rest?"

You nervously fiddled with your hands. It was more nerve-wracking than you thought. You mustered up the last of your courage you had left and looked him in the eye.

"Let's break up."

"What?"

"Let's go our own seperate ways and break up."

"Okay." He waved you off as he headed to the bedroom to sleep.

Shocked wasn't exactly how you'd describe yourself. To be honest, you kind of expected this. They way he brushed things off so easily wasn't new to you. So you didn't even cry. You just grabbed what you had left and made your way to your aunt's house.

As soon as she embraced you, that's when you let your tears fall. It hurt all too much. Everything that Seungmin had been doing to you for the past two years were spilled out in the hour long conversation shared between you and your aunt. Your hatred only continued to grow for Seungmin and soon, all that was left was hatred for him.

Seungmin didn't even notice that you never came to bed. In fact, everything you previously said flew over his head from his exhaustion. It wasn't until he had awoken that he realized you were nowhere in sight. At first he assumed that you may have went to cook breakfast or collect grocceries. But then he remembered what happened last night. He covered his mouth and his eyes began to water.

He began remembering the horrible things he's been saying to you. He didn't mean any of it. Most of the time it wasn't even directed towards you. It was just pure exhaustion. He only tried to come off as happy so he wouldn't upset you. But that only seemed to make it worse.

What he chose to do though, was give you time. He knew he wasn't the exact person you wanted to talk to at the moment. He shook his head at himself. You'd be back in a week hopefully. That's what he thought up until he felt like the house was a little too empty. SO he checked every nook and cranny. None of your belongings remained. No toothbrush, no clothes, no books, no devices, no personal items. Not even your scent lingered.

God, what had he done?

Calling all day, trynna make things right

Seungmin quickly grabbed his phone and called you. His fingers ran through his hair as the call never made it through time and time again. Now he was extremely worried. What if something happened to you?

So he called your closest friend, Yuna. She picked up rather quickly.

"The hell do you want, assface?" She said almost immediately.

Seungmin swallowed hard before asking her, "Do you know where y/n is? I haven't been able to reach her. Do you know if she's okay?"

"Shouldn't you be able to know the whereabouts of your own girlfriend?"

"Look I really don't know and I'm worried. Something went on last night and she's not home. Now my calls aren't getting through and I don't know what to think."

"Well to me, it looks like she finally took my advice. Have a horrible day, bitch." And with that, Yuna hung up.

"FUCK!!" Seungmin cursed loudly as he flung his phone across the room. Had you really left him? Was he that horrible of a person? He chuckled. Who was he kidding? Of course he was that horrible. The amount of pain he must've inflicted on you. His heart clenched.

He began crying as that was all there was to do left.

It's been a couple of months and both of you were trying to move on. Was it easy? No. At least you both tried though. But fate seemed to have other plans.

Just to fuck it all up when I see you tonight. Since you told me hit the road, I've been runnin' on empty, If anything I know it's how to ruin a happy ending

It was a Friday night and Seungmin chose to spend it at a local bar. Guess that bar must've been a little too local. Because there you were, standing just 20 feet away from him. Seungmin could feel his heartbeat accelerate. He so desperately wanted to run and hug you. It felt like hell without you.

You were no longer there to remind him that he was loved. You were no longer there wishing him good nights and good mornings. You were no longer there to cook him his everyday meals. You were no longer there to give him a goodbye kiss.

But you were here, with another man. Seungmin knew he had no right but he couldn’t help but feel jealous. You told him that you’d always be his so why was it different now? Truth was, he knew the answer. Anger and jealousy blinded him though.

He stomped the whole way over there and yanked you by the wrist. “Who’s this!?” He asked angrily. “What the fuck, Seungmin! Why the hell are you here!?” Seungmin didn’t even hear you as he suddenly flung his fist into the dude’s face.

You grabbed Seungmin by the collar and pulled him towards you, landing a hard smack on his face. “Stop, you fucking asshole.”

He immediately snapped out of it. Seungmin looked at you apologetically but it was already too late. He could see it in your eyes. The disgust, hat and annoyance. How could he do that to you?

”Wait, y/n…”

And he couldn’t even salvage it. So he left. That’s all he could do. He knew you wouldn’t take him back. When he thought about it, he wouldn’t take himself back either. So he began drinking. Drinking all the pain away.

But I can’t make you come back to me

He’d lost you completely and there was nothing he could do. He wanted to scream at you that you couldn’t leave him. But he knew he was in the wrong. On your wedding day he watched as you posted the photos. You and some other dude instead of you and him.

He couldn’t find the strength in him to go to the actual event. He’d lose control if he did. He wanted to tell you,

“I’m sorry.”

But what good would that do. If he truly wanted you to be happy, he’d leave you alone, and that’s what he did. He watched you from afar. He still cried from time to time. He was happy for you. But he had to admit,

“But, I still wan’t you.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a.n: this has been on pause for 3 months now😭 and idk if ya caught on to the 2nd song at the end but yeah. Anyways, hope ya enjoyed bc this has been a long awaited fix. Sry to anyone who was waiting. Have a great day/night!!! Love y’all!!🫶💕💗

new fic in approximately 30 minutes AREN'T YALL EXCITED AFTER ALL THIS TIME

YALL FINALLY GET SOME CONTENT

YAYYYYYY

Oh. my. god. This. I’m praying to this now tf 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🫠

No Secrets

Pairing: Seungmin x Fem Reader

Summary: The phrase ‘no secrets' is echoing in Seungmin’s ears. That’s the one rule in your friendship. Communicate and be honest. However, Seungmin has one secret. A big dirty secret. He’s not sure he can come clean about it.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI due to adult content. Voyeurism, masturbation, brief use of toys, unprotected sex, and ruined orgasms.

Word Count: 3,000 and some change.

Author’s Note: I just wanted an excuse to write a perv best friend Seungmin. 🤷‍♀️ Again, just trying to clear out some shorter fics of the drafts so I can focus on the longer ones.

Tag List: @lee--felix, @lex-thesimpzzz, @nymeriaaa, @hyuckilstan, @9900z, @jess-1404, @weusteezmakes1team, @formysakeamaryllis, @skzflix-au, @downforseochangbin, @lotus-dly, @cb97percent, @joonghands, @svintsandghosts (Message me if you would like to be added. You’ll be notified when I post.)

The phrase ‘no secrets’ is echoing in Seungmin’s ears. That’s the one rule in your friendship. Communicate and be honest. However, Seungmin has one secret. A big dirty secret. He’s not sure he can come clean about it. Truth be told, he can stop at any point. You haven’t caught on. He could pretend it never happened. Or if he confessed, he can say it only happened once. Even with those thoughts, something inside of him keeps him returning. There would be disgust if you found out. He’s sure of it.

Yet here he is, standing on the other side of the door of your shared bathroom. He’s quiet like a church mouse, leaning against the door to listen. The walls are paper thin in this old house. He’s surprised he can’t hear you from his bedroom.

He heard the vibrator first, followed by your sigh. Some nights you struggle to fall asleep and apparently getting off helps. Seungmin only found out because you sounded in pain one night. When he listened again to the noise, it was a moan. A moan that caused blood to rush straight to his cock. You sound so pretty when lost in pleasure.

Tonight is no different. Once again, he’s listening. His palm ghosting over the outline of his erection, straining in his clothing. He likes the idea of touching himself to the sound of your moans. Then he can blow his load in his boxers so he’s forced to endure the sticky mess till he can get a shower after you have fallen asleep. Makes that mix of shame and embarrassment better.

Seungmin knows it’s wrong, but it feels amazing. He can’t help it with you. Everything about you is perfect for him. His dream girl, the love of his life, the one he wants to do so much more with, but too terrified to take initiative. Everything you two have is wonderful where it’s at now. He can’t risk ruining years of friendship if he doesn’t confess his feelings.

The more he thinks about it, the more his self-control truly went out the window tonight. He’s ready to make matters potentially worse. Oh yes, this is a bad idea. He’s going to do it anyway. The handle is cold to the touch when he wraps a hand around it. Slowly, with surgical precision, he turns the knob enough to pull the door open a crack. He holds the door with his foot just in case it tries to move when he lets go.

The crack in the doorway is enough to peek into your room. Enough to see you sprawled out on your bed. Your shorts and underwear are in a pile still wrapped around an ankle while you bunched your shirt under your chin. You have your legs spread wide with a hand holding the toy to your clit. Seungmin has to sink his teeth into his tongue to stay quiet. The sight of your pussy aimed right at him is too much.

You are so wet. Seungmin can see your slit glistening from here. Even more when a hand sneaks down to slip a finger inside you. It should be his hands. You love his hands, telling him so every time you get a chance when harmlessly playing with them. He has longer fingers than yours. If you give him the chance, he can hit all the sensitive spots you can’t reach. Let them curl deep inside you till you beg for his cock.

Seungmin can feel the wet patch near the head of his cock. He’s leaking pre-cum already. You have barely started. He could probably get off now if he tries. He wants to wait though. To witness what else you do to make yourself come. Maybe he can time his to follow yours. He loves doing that.

The thought sinks in. He’s done this more than once and for a moment; the guilt is there. A best friend wouldn’t sneakily watch you get off. You call him the boy next door. The good boy that anyone would take home to meet their parents. He’s level headed, full-time job, and going to school to finish his degree. Much like you, he doesn’t smoke and only drinks socially. He’s clean, keeps to himself, and pays rent early. You trust him with your life. Always have. Still, he doesn’t move, continuing to watch you get off for the millionth time.

“Please. I just want to come.”

You sound desperate through your whining. Seungmin notices the tug on his heartstrings. For some unknown reason, you are struggling to get off tonight. It takes all his strength to not bust through the door and help you. Unfortunately, your reaction would differ from what he’s fantasizing about.

Your hips shift against the bed. The angle changes, allowing you to drive the toy further into your pussy. Your moan is deeper this time, sounding satisfied. “Oh, fuck. Right there.”

Seungmin releases a shaky breath. Not even realizing he was holding his breath. He’s ready to sell his soul to any deity to have the chance to bury his cock inside you. He knows it would be better than that damn toy. His cock aches now, too painful to ignore.

Finally, he sneaks a hand under his clothes. The mess of pre-cum isn’t enough lubrication to ease the abrasiveness of his hand. He doesn’t care. That intensity is building.

A needy whine leaves you. “Seungminnie, please. I’m so close.”

At that moment, Seungmin’s brain short circuits. His name; you moaned his name. He’s not even able to fully process what you said because he’s coming suddenly. The mess of fluids coats his fingers while he lets himself enjoy the momentary bliss. His eyes don’t leave you because seconds later your orgasm has peaked. Your moans fill the room as you frantically rock against the toy till you lose yourself in a post orgasm haze. This whole situation shouldn’t feel this good.

Seungmin quietly closes the door and takes a moment to collect himself. He presses his forehead against the cold wood door as he tries to understand what just happened. You moaned his name. He’s sure of it. There is no mistake. The question is, why him? His mind races at the possibilities. The two of you have been close for years, so maybe, just maybe, you are attracted to him. Well, obviously he thinks if you are moaning his name. A thought for later because he hears you get up from the bed. He takes a few quick strides to slip back into his room just in time for you to open the bathroom door.

It’s been two weeks since that night. Seungmin’s mind is clear and overwhelmed with his guilt. He’s done his best to keep up appearances, yet finds himself creating distance. He has no right to be around you. Not with how disgusting he is. You deserve better than him. The only problem is he doesn’t know how to tell you. He needs to clear his conscience. This isn’t a little fuck up. Nor is it him confessing his feelings. No, he knows what he did was wrong and without your consent. He’s a horrible person and a shitty best friend.

Seungmin is currently standing in the shared bathroom. Toothbrush in hand as he does his nightly routine. He’s glaring at himself in the mirror, still scolding himself. He almost gets lost in his mental battle till he hears you calling him from your room. “Minnie?”

“Yeah?” Seungmin says, waiting for you to go on, but your words don’t come. He takes a step closer to your door and peeks past, sticking his head in. He shouldn’t have. His eyes immediately lock with yours because if he looks anywhere else, he’s gonna get in trouble. The tank top you have on is thin. You usually only wear it as pajamas and Seungmin can understand why.

The light material has faded over time, becoming thin and see-through. The air conditioner is on in your room and your nipples are hard. He inwardly groans to himself. It’s pathetic how something so simple can turn him on. Truthfully, it’s not even the fact he can see them. It’s what he wants to do to you. One chance is all he needs. One chance to suck, nip, and tease your nipples till you are mewling under him. He sees how you react to your touch. It would be overwhelming if he’s the one playing with them.

There is a pout on your face and Seungmin already knows what you are going to ask. He waits for you to go on. Your voice is soft, almost as if you’re scared to ask him. “Can we cuddle? I need it after today.”

“Yeah. Give me a second.”

He answers without even thinking about it, slipping back into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. Eyes darting around as he tries to pull himself together. He should have said no, but it’s you. He can’t say no. He will do anything for you. Plus, you look so cute tonight.

Fuck.

Seungmin clings to the edge of the sink. Just cuddling. That’s all it is. You two do it all the time. However that’s not what the cuddle session is for him. It’s your body pressed against his. The smell of you all around him is like a comforting hug. It’s how soft your skin is under his fingers and the content sighs paired with a smile when you press yourself against him.

FUCK.

He’s getting hard already and all he’s doing is standing in the bathroom. The last thing you need is his dick pressed against you. Breathe. Deep breaths to calm down. A quick splash of cold water helps. It’s enough to shock him from his thoughts. He’s not allowed to enjoy this. Not after everything.

Seungmin is convinced he is dreaming. No way this is really happening as he walks back into your bedroom. Cuddling on the couch during a movie night is way different in your bed. He tries his best to hide his nervousness when slipping under the covers. You let him settle on his back and immediately curl up next to him with your head resting on his chest and an arm wrapped around his middle. This is manageable. He can handle this. Even if he is internally screaming at the situation.

He spoke too soon. You threw a leg over him to tangle yourself further against him. He’s wearing an old pair of gym shorts tonight, so there is more skin on skin contact compared to when he wears his pajama pants or sweatpants. Once again, Seungmin struggles to think of anything else but you.

Your voice brings him out of his thoughts. “This is nice. You’ve been so busy the last couple weeks and we haven’t had one-on-one time.”

“Yeah. Work has been hectic. It should calm down soon.”

“Good, because I was a little worried. You seemed so stressed. You know you can vent to me, right? Don’t have to keep everything bottled up.”

Seungmin doesn’t respond right away. Eyes glued to the ceiling, searching as he thinks. Now might not be the best time to confess, but he needs to. Because he has been bottling it up and he’s being suffocated. Before he knows it, his words come blurting out of his mouth. “I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“I did something without your consent. Please, please don’t get mad.” He can hear the panic in his voice and hates it. You moved away from him to sit up, a confused look on your face. The longer Seungmin stares up at you, he can feel his heart beating fast. So fast it might burst out of his damn chest. He has to come clean and just accept the consequences. He’s prepared for the worst. A smack across the face, some yelling, and probably you telling him to get away from you. “I watched you touch yourself and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry-”

You cut him off, completely calm. “Minnie, I know.”

“What do you mean, you know?”

“I’m saying that was my plan. I didn’t stop you because I wanted you to see me.” Wait, what? Seungmin is fairly sure he responded out loud. He’s paralyzed while staring up at you in shock as you continue to talk. “It’s kinda dumb, but I found out you have a crush on me. I was hoping maybe this would push you to act on it. If you knew I wanted you, you’d say something.”

He’s too stunned to speak. That thought process is not what he was expecting in the slightest. Especially from you. There is no way to respond. Because normal people would communicate with each other. Normal people would confess their feelings. Not let a situation like this escalate.

“Plus, I like the idea of you watching. It’s hot. Did you even pick up on how perfectly sprawled out I was?”

He shakes his head, worried if he speaks he will swallow his tongue. Next thing he knows, you are on top of him, knees on either side of his hips. Your hands are playing with the bottom of his shirt, picking at the loose string. Now is when he catches on that all you are wearing is a shirt and a pair of panties. His cock is reacting to your proximity. You must notice it too, because you grind down against him.

“I’m not upset with you. The opposite, really. I’m happy you confessed. Now you can stop avoiding me.”

Seungmin tries to not think about your soft grinds against him. “Was it that noticeable?”

“A little.”

Silence falls between you two as you sit back on his thighs. Your hands cup at his growing erection. Teasing him to the point, he lifts his hips lightly to rut against your hands. You two should talk more and not be doing this. Yet Seungmin doesn’t have it in him to tell you to stop. That’s the last thing he wants.

Your touch is gentle when you pull his cock free from the confines of his clothing. “Mmm, I always knew you would have a beautiful cock.”

Seungmin panics when you move forward to hover over his cock. “What are you doing?”

“Gonna ride your cock. Unless you don’t want me to. Do you want me to stop?”

“No, but are you sure?”

“Of course I am. I’m being serious. If you don’t want to do this, you need to tell me.”

“I’m good to keep going. I’m just… Just surprised.”

“Why? That I want to feel your cock in me?” There is a mischievous smile creeping onto your face. “The same one that you touched while watching me get off?”

He nods, still dumbfounded that this is all happening. “Yeah.”

“Oh Minnie, I’ve been thinking about this cock for months. Now I can finally enjoy it.”

Seungmin uses his hand to hold his cock still as you push your underwear to the side. Seconds later, you sink down onto his cock. His eyes roll back into his head, enjoying the tight warmth your pussy provides for him. This is far better than he ever imagined. His hand falls away to the bed as he watches you eagerly rock your hips. Your hands rest on his chest for leverage while you set a pace for yourself. He tries his best to thrust up into you when he can.

It’s not long till the room grows ten degrees hotter. Seungmin is having trouble focusing, still overwhelmed with all that is all happening. He got some confidence for a moment to cup your breasts through your shirt. You moaned with a smile on your face, enjoying his soft kneading.

Eventually, you brush his hands away long enough to pull off your shirt, tossing it somewhere behind you. Seungmin curses to himself at the beautiful view. Your breasts look so soft. He wants to touch again. Before he gets a chance, you force his hands above his head, pinning them in place. He knows he’s stronger than you and can easily break free from your hold, but he doesn’t.

“What’s our one rule?” You say while raising your hips up and down faster.

“Please, I’m gonna come. I’m…” Seungmin is in no state to answer questions. Or think. He doesn’t even get the chance to finish his sentence because he’s too far gone, nearly at the point of no return. His mind is mush from how well your pussy hugs his cock. It’s as if your walls are trying to cling to him. There is too much all at once. You are too much.

Suddenly he watches as you raise completely off his cock. You have an eyebrow raised in question and he’s lost, unsure of what you have planned. He knew there was a chance you wouldn’t let him finish inside of you because you hadn’t discussed it. He just wasn’t expecting you to stop everything.

“I…” Seungmin thinks about your question for a second before replying. “No secrets.”

“Right.” You say as you sit back to rest on his thighs again.

Both of your hands wrap around his cock to stroke him. He whimpers from the sensitivity of how close he is. The tight grip of your hands is heavenly. He keeps eye contact as your hands pick up speed. The muscles in his stomach tighten, feeling the pressure build. He’s so close. Please let him…

The sound that leaves Seungmin is by far the most pathetic noise has ever made. A mix of a desperate whine and frustration. The second his orgasm hits, you release your hold on his cock. Leaving him to suffer through a ruined high that he doesn’t get to enjoy.

You coo at his confused face. “No secrets, Minnie. It’s your punishment for hiding it from me.”

Seungmin’s cock twitches against his stomach. Your words excite him more than it should. He watches as you trace the length of his cock with a finger. He flinches when you brush over the tip that’s still weakly leaking cum onto his stomach.

“If you promise to never keep a secret from me again, I’ll make it up to you with my mouth. Does that sound good to you?”

He has never agreed to a deal faster in his life. “I promise. No more secrets.”

+++

©︎Abiaswreck | Do not copy, repost, or translate | As always, reblogs and feedback are appreciated!

kinktober !

kink: knifeplay

pairing: kim seungmin x fem!reader

wc: 3k

knifeplay: consensual BDSM edgeplay involving knives, daggers, and swords as a source of stimulation.

It was perfect. You had fake blood all over your room, staining your once blue sheets, but the costume was perfect. 

For Halloween, your friends had decided to host a party at one of the dorms. You and your best friend, Jeongin, had decided it would be the best idea to dress up as Sidney Prescott and Ghostface. Your costume was quite easy - you already had an old denim jacket you could cover in blood, and a basic lilac top to go underneath it. When put together with a simple black pair of jeans, you felt completely ready. Your costumes were going to be the best.

The Instagram pictures would be amazing, too, you decided while walking to the party. You didn’t have a long way to walk, and it was quite amusing listening to the kids screaming for candy outside people’s doors - but all you could hope was that one of the members of 3Racha had actually cleaned the dorm this time, and not left it all on Hyunjin.

Music was already booming when you arrived, reverberating around your sober brain and making you wince. Would you regret coming here?

You realised you really did regret it, when the front door swung open and you were met with fox-like eyes in a… a fucking Pokemon trainer costume. Felix emerged from behind him, sharp yellow ears perched on his head and his cheeks covered in red. 

“Listen,” Jeongin began, gloved hand reaching out to you. You sighed, shutting your eyes. “It was Felix’s idea. Look at him. He’s really convincing, and I’m sorry I didn’t text, but Chan’s put this stupid no phone ban on and-”

“Look!” Felix chirped, and when you finally saw him… well, you understood what Jeongin meant. He was in yellow dungarees, tail wrapped on a string around his waist and little ears bobbing with his glee. When he looked at you, his face fell. “Oh. Oh, I’m so sorry. Did you guys have something planned, or-”

“No, not at all, Lixie,” You murmured, pulling him in for a hug. He really was so cute. No one could resist him. “I’ll find my Ghostface somewhere.”

Felix nuzzled into the hug, wrapping his arms around you, before he was squealing. “Seungmin’s dressed up as Ghostface! Oh, Innie, did you plan this?”

You blinked, turning to Jeongin. Seungmin was your arch nemesis, but only purely on the basis that you both had some heavily unresolved sexual tension.  Jeongin wouldn’t do this to you - or so you thought, because when you looked at his face, he was looking extremely guilty. “I know you have some… issues, but it needs to end now. It’s making things awkward, and, and… you can take pictures together, y’know? Then be friends,” He was mumbling, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. His Pokemon hat obscured most of his face, but you could still see the pout on his lips. Fuck this. You had the two sweetest men in front of you apologising, expecting you to be angry at them, but even you weren’t that mean.

You sighed, finally pushing past the two figures to enter the party. You were immediately attacked by a black plastic streamer dangling from the ceiling, and you swatted it away with a grunt. “It’s fine. Let’s do the pictures, then.”

It had always been the plan - to take pictures all together before the party really got into full swing. You had a feeling you’d been a little late because there were already quite a few people there. Still, you diligently walked into the kitchen behind Felix and Jeongin anyway, where everyone was standing around, conversing.

There he was. Ghostface mask pulled halfway off of his head to reveal dark, menacing features and a black cloak draped over his slender figure. Chunky black boots made an echoing noise as he tapped his foot impatiently on the tile, sipping out of a glass with one gloved hand and the other holding - a knife. It glinted in the light as he spun it around with his fingers, playing way too comfortably with the blade. Oh. Oh, no. Someone was playing a practical joke on you. 

“Is that knife real?” You squeaked, and Seungmin turned to you with a glare. “Like, it’s not a prop…? Why do you have a real knife?”

Seungmin raised an eyebrow, then his lips were curling upwards with a smile. “To finally kill you with.”

“Haha, that’s so funny,” You deadpanned, but half of you was considering if he was being genuine about it. It wouldn’t surprise you - he was a sadistic fuck, always had been since you met him. It was why you wanted him so bad. “Let’s take these pictures. I’m already over it.”

Felix fiddled with his camera, flicking off the lens cap and trying to get it in the perfect position on the counter. You scurried in front of Seungmin as he walked over after placing his cup aside. Once Felix had set the timer, he ran in front of the lens and clutched onto Jeongin. Oh, yeah. What was Seungmin supposed to do, given that you were matching?

You had your answer quickly. With one gloved hand, he pulled his mask down and pulled you into him by the waist, and then he was positioning the knife at your exposed collarbone. It nipped teasingly, the blade threatening to draw blood. You looked down in shock, only to see Seungmin’s hand confidently holding the handle - god, was he skilled with this? He hadn’t killed people, hopefully, but… what if he was into something like this?

Wetness pooled in your panties at the thought. It’s a kink straight out of your deepest, darkest desires. The idea of being too scared to move in case the knife bites at your skin, dripping crimson liquid down your body only to be lapped up by the blade again… yeah. It was hot, and for some reason, with your fake-enemy pressed against you, it was even hotter. You didn’t even blink when the flash went off, too focused on trying to keep your breaths even. 

Seungmin dropped his hand once the picture was taken, and then he yanked the mask back again. He was staring at you with a bewildered expression, but he looked somewhat impressed. Pulling you to one side by your arm, he gripped your waist again, trapping you against the wall so he could whisper into your ear. “Did you get turned on when I held that knife to your neck?”

“No, what’s wrong with you-“

“I heard you holding your fucking breath,” Seungmin hissed. “That’s fucking insane, you know? Dressing up as Sidney and then getting all… like that. It’s like you wanted me to do it.”

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. Seungmin’s eyes flitted around your face. “I was actually meant to match with Jeongin, so maybe I wanted him to.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Seungmin scoffed, rolling his eyes. He pinched his temples, and then he sighed. “I know you want to fuck me. God, I want to fuck you too, so bad. I’m sick of playing this stupid push and pull when I could be upstairs fucking you with this knife to your neck right now.”

Your eyes widened. You let out a puff of air, trying to find the words to say, but you only noticed that fuck, Seungmin was awfully close all of a sudden. His breath was heavy on your burning cheeks. When you looked around the room, you could see that no one had noticed the two of you - Felix was too busy still jumping around and Changbin and Jisung had dressed as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. You wanted to coo at Changbin, his bulging arms so adorable in the little green dress and wings, but you were definitely more engrossed in what Seungmin had to say.

“The party. We can’t leave, you know?” You finally spoke, and Seungmin pulled back. You wanted to cry. He looked around the room, nodding, before he was pulling the mask back onto his face and obscuring his annoyingly perfect features. 

“Half an hour. Jisung’s room, upstairs. Is that alright with you?” His voice was muffled, and you had to crane your head a bit to hear him. You nodded nonetheless, and he gave you a quick wave before disappearing into the crowd of dressed up men. 

You sighed heavily. This was about to be the longest half an hour of your life.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Jisung’s room was chaotic. You had literally no idea why Seungmin had decided on his room out of everyone’s - surely Hyunjin’s would be better, or even Chan’s with the mood lighting? You opened the door anyway, entering the small room and stepping over piles of clothes to lay back on the bed. At least the bedsheets were cleaned. Jisung’s lamp was the only source of light, leaving the room basked in a creepy orange Halloween atmosphere. It definitely fitted the setting.

It had been exactly half an hour. Seungmin was late. Was he ever late? In your whole pseudo-friendship, you were sure he’d never been late, and-

The door burst open and a masked figure emerged. You jolted, sitting upright on your hands and blinking at the man in costume. It briefly crossed your mind that you couldn’t even be sure it was Seungmin, and then he was tearing the mask off, throwing it aside. 

“It’s still me,” He said, tone soft. Was he a mind reader as well as a borderline psychopath? You nodded, wiggling forward on the bed when he sat across from you. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Did you bring the knife?” You responded. Seungmin burst out laughing, and then he was bringing it out from his jean pocket, beneath the cloak. 

“You are very fucked up. Has anyone ever told you that?” He murmured. You stared at his gloved palms as he threw the knife aside, moving on the bed to pin you down against the mattress. You wiggled impatiently, spreading your legs to allow him between them. Your chest heaved, staring up at him with doe eyes as he blinked down at you.

“‘M not fucked up,” You mumbled, pouting. Seungmin chuckled.

“What was it Billy said in the movie again? ‘It certainly fucked you up, it made you have sex with a psychopath’? Is that not what’s happening right now, baby?” His breath was hitting your face again, and you just couldn’t help it this time. With one hand on the back of his neck, you pulled him down, pressing your lips against his in the filthiest kiss you’d ever shared. Seungmin groaned, hands meeting your waist and delving into your mouth with his tongue. You let him nibble into your bottom lip, let him nearly draw blood with his teeth until you were whining, bucking your hips up for more. 

You whined, chasing his lips for more kisses. You heard fabric rustling, and then Seungmin was pressing an ice cold blade to your neck. You shifted immediately, laying back against the pillow and looking up at Seungmin obediently. He just smiled, appearing borderline menacing in the dim lighting of the room. You were so fucking wet.

“You do get off on this,” Seungmin mused. He leaned back on his ankles, letting the knife drag down your body. With a clean swipe, it was cutting through the fabric of your tank top and leaving you in just your bra. “Should I make you bleed, hm?”

“You can- you can do anything you want, Seungmin,” You sighed, arching your back to get more of the feeling of the blade against you. Seungmin bit his lip, dragging the blade down to your jeans. He wouldn’t be able to cut through that fabric - it’s too thick, he’d need something sharper. You could practically see the cogs turning in his head and then he was shaking his head, unbuttoning your jeans and yanking them down your legs. They balanced precariously on one ankle, and you kicked them off before eyeing Seungmin up and down. “Are you… gonna get naked, or?”

“I have different plans for tonight,” Seungmin replied quickly. He gripped the knife firmer this time, until he was dragging it down to your underwear. You knew you were wet, and you shut your eyes and moaned loudly when he pressed the blade into the wet spot forming in the fabric. You thanked every god that the music was still just as loud as earlier. “I’m going to finger you and play around with this knife. I don’t think you could handle more tonight.”

He was right. Another thing that irritated you beyond belief was the fact that Seungmin seemed to read your mind. First with your silly knife play kink, and now with the fact that you definitely couldn’t handle full blown sex tonight. You would’ve tried, and gotten yourself all fuzzy over it - but he knew better. 

“Okay,” You agreed. He hummed once more, and then he hooked the blade into the lace of your underwear, cutting them off of your body. He was a bit heavy handed though, and your legs thrashed when the blade nicked your skin just a little, causing a small crimson red cut to bloom on your hip bone.

“Oh, would you look at that?” He ogled the cut, running his thumb over it. It made you whine in pain, yet he ignored you and thrust his thumb into your mouth. The taste was tangy, a bit too metallic for your liking but the whole thing was so fucking hot you couldn’t deny him anything. “Did you like that, too? Okay. We’ll explore that another time.”

Seungmin threw the knife aside once more, and then two long fingers were pressing into your folds. You laid there with legs spread, letting him explore every dip and crevice in your pussy and examine how wet you were. You knew you were dripping, and he did too - it was just a waiting game. 

You squirmed, bucking your hips up. “I’m wet enough. I promise that I am, just-“

You gasped when he pressed the knife against your throat again. You hadn’t even seen him grab it. “Stay fucking still,” He warned. “I decide when you’re ready.”

Well, you could definitely get on board with that. Seungmin sunk his middle finger into you nonetheless, meeting no resistance. Your hole was dripping around him, leaking down to his knuckle and making him sigh in approval at the sight. He still had his gloves on, the faux leather buttery and smooth inside of your hole. “This pussy’s tight, huh?”

“I’d clench it for you,” You breathed out, letting one of your hands grab your tits over your bra. The knife was still pressed tightly against the column of your throat, but you managed to pull your tits out of the lace, making Seungmin’s eyes instantly flit down to your pebbled nipples. He started to thrust his finger inside of you, the material of his gloves dragging on your rim. “I’d- I’d clench around your cock, Seungie. Make it so tight for you.”

“Yeah?” Seungmin breathed. On his next thrust in, he pushed another finger in, and then he was curling two directly at that lovely spongy spot inside of you. “I’ll look forward to it, baby. Do my fingers feel good?”

“So good,” You gushed, tweaking your nipples with your fingers. “It’s so good, and- the knife, oh god-“

“Is it like you imagined, yeah?” He moved up to your side, easing his pressure on the blade so you could turn your head and kiss him. It was just as filthy, and he moaned in approval when your walls fluttered around his digits. When he pulled away, a string of saliva connected you both. “Maybe next time, I’ll fuck you with the handle of the knife.”

You keened, starting to bounce your hips against his hand. He obliged with your movements, pressing his palm up against your clit and letting you grind the sensitive bud into his calloused hand. It was just the right amount of soft and rough, making your toes curl in your socks and your orgasm build steadily, a white hot pleasure in your pussy. 

“It’s- I need it-“

“God, do you even know what you need?” Seungmin chuckled, kissing your cheek. “I think you need to cum for me, don’t you?”

You nodded erratically, letting your head fall onto his shoulder. Seungmin dropped the knife to his opposite side once more, replacing it with a firm grip to your throat with his spare hand. The sight of his gloved digits around your throat and restricting your airflow had you wailing once more, gripping his wrist and grinding with renewed fervour. 

“I think- oh, I’m gonna cum,” Your lips parted, letting out muted moans and whines at the feeling of his fingers inside of you. “Oh, yeah, I’m gonna cum!”

“Cum for me then, no need to make a noise,” Seungmin was still amused, and you gasped before you were cumming. “That’s it, there you go.”

You felt your hole gush around his fingers, soaking the material of his gloves with white cum and your clit throbbing through your orgasm. It felt good, not only to cum but to also finally have some tension resolved with such a prominent person in your life. 

When you finally came to, you were still gasping, breath heavy and burning your lungs with every exhale. You heard Seungmin coo at you, laying back and dragging you onto his chest. 

“Good?” He questioned, and you nodded.

Then, something hit you. “Seungmin?” He hummed in response. “You cut my shirt open. What do I wear for the rest of the party?”

Seungmin stopped breathing, and then he burst out laughing, full body laughs wreaking havoc on his body. 

“It’s not funny!” You whined, but you were giggling too, slapping his chest playfully.

“You can wear the cloak, baby,” He kissed your nose. “I have clothes on underneath.”

You hummed, nodding. “You still have to wear the mask though.”

“Fuckin’ freak,” He mumbled, but he was still grinning.

“You like it.”

Seungmin kissed you again, chaste and sweet. “Unfortunately, yes.”

OBEIXKCW XNLBK BDHIERQBDE XZQHDERBKWXIBDN S;LHQW

nah u spoiling the seungminnie Stans too much I Love you 🥹 <3333

Somewhere only we know

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Seungmin X gn reader

Summary: You find yourself in an overwhelming pit of depression when your boyfriend interrupts with a plan to cheer you up.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.7K

Trigger warning: Depression and self-hatred.

A/N: I finally got around to this request!! This idea has lived rent free in my head for a while, so I'm glad I've finally gotten the chance to put it to good use. This might be one of the only pieces I've written that has me giggling and blushing. Enjoy <3

_ _ _

The lights were off again and the ghosts were roaming. Whispers of hatred and the acidic self-insecurity had taken control of the reigns. You couldn’t remember the last time you smiled. It had been so long since you spoke, you couldn’t remember what your voice sounded like. 

What was new? Trapped in another bottomless pit. Choking and screaming, you used to fight to stay floating, but something had just changed recently. Why was it so hard to be happy? 

 When did waking up feel like a chore? The walk to the bathroom felt like climbing Everest. Picking up your toothbrush was like picking up a boulder. Why did it all have to be so hard? 

There was a permanent curve in your spine now. You couldn’t remember when your eyes were bright. Everything was easy when you were a naive child. Unfortunately, time changed and life went on. You didn’t have the safety of adults surrounding you. 

That was the one thing that truly sucked about getting older. Sure, you could have friends and you had your boyfriend, but you had to face your battles alone. Your friends couldn’t make life choices for you. It’s not their responsibility to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. 

It’s something you struggled with. Part of you wanted someone to reach out. You wanted a helping hand and yet you didn’t. You wanted to be entirely alone and at peace. Let your eyes glaze over and the muted TV screen colors melt together. You weren’t even paying attention anymore. 

The episodes of ‘The Great British Bake-Off’ blurred together. There were Italian cakes and pies. There were French pastries that you had no idea how to pronounce. The blend of sweet treats meddled in your mind. 

You used to watch this show with such passion. Happily rooting for your favorites and becoming distraught when your favorites went home. Rolling your eyes at silly technical flaws and gasping when desserts fell apart. 

With a scoff and a “I could do that better and I’m not even a baker,” you used to amuse Seungmin. You were the one that introduced him to the show. The two of you used to taunt each other over who could bake what dessert better. They were empty taunts and free fun, nothing less and nothing more. 

You missed him. You missed him more than words described. It had been a while since the two of you had been around each other. Comeback seasons were always hard and there wasn’t enough time to juggle a relationship and his career. 

You didn’t mind it, but he did. He was always feeling awful about not being around. Interview questions kept him preoccupied. Photoshoot poses had to be shot without his cell phone. Music videos had tight deadlines with all hands on deck. 

It wasn’t really a surprise that the last text you sent him this morning went unanswered, but you still missed him. You missed those teasing and the taunts and the- 

What are you doing?

A soft sigh escaped your lips and you shut your eyes. Even the memory of him was starting to physically make your heart ache. The two of you had been dating for a while and yet, you still weren’t used to these few weeks where life seemed a bit emptier. 

Struggling with your mental health only made it harder. Were these dark shadows eternal? Were you cursed to drown in this wave of sadness? Maybe you weren’t meant for all of this. The never-ending wheel of misery that life seemed to be. 

You were spiraling and you couldn’t help it. You squeezed your eyes shut and reached for the remote. Screw it, you were heading towards bed. That exhaustion always seemed to seep into your soul lately. Sleep was the best temporary cure for it. It was starting to get late anyway. 

You pushed yourself up, picked up the remote, and then your body froze. Your ears perked up and you shifted towards your front door. Surely, nobody would be here at this hour? It was almost ten in the evening. 

You swallowed your nerves and stood up. Wooden floorboards creaked beneath your weight. The doorbell rang once more. Closer and closer you inched to the door. Closer and closer until… 

“I know you’re in there! Don’t leave me out here, it’s hot! I can hear you watching that stupid baking show. Let me in! This shit is heavy!” 

You blinked in shock at the sound of Seungmin’s voice. Your hand outstretched and it didn’t take long for you to yank the door open. There your boyfriend stood with two hands full of plastic bags. 

“Thank god, you’re still awake, I thought you’d be asleep. Now move your ass and let me in.” 

“What are you-” 

“Don’t ask until I have it all put together. Go sit on the couch and I’ll tell you when you’re done. You’re not allowed in the kitchen, so if you need me, just holler.” 

“But why? You have work tomorrow and yo-” 

“Nuh-uh. We finished everything early and the company gave us the next two days off. I’ve missed my significant other. Let’s go, haul your ass!” 

He was used to your apartment. This was his home away from home. This safety net of love and compassion. He knew where you stored everything. He knew where your secrets hid and he had seen your inner demons roam. 

You sighed at his insistence, but went back to the living room anyway. Sinking back into the couch, you glanced out of the corner of your eye. The kitchen was partly hidden by the bar counter that shot out of a distant wall. You didn’t know what he was doing with all the bags. 

“If you’re making dinner,” you finally mustered up the courage, “we could have ordered takeout.” 

“We’re not making dinner, but speaking of that, have you eaten?” 

You frowned and your eyes went to the coffee table. The remote and a near full plastic bottle of water were sitting there. You thought it’d be easier to drink water from a water bottle, but it wasn’t. 

“Not yet,” you admitted. “I’ve kind of been too soaked up in the show, I’ve been binging it.” 

Seungmin knew that response was bullshit, but he wasn’t going to press you about it. He knew something was up with you when you stopped responding to his texts. He’d have to wait hours before he’d get a single response. He tried to answer as soon as he could, but then you wouldn’t respond. 

He knew how much you liked to curl inward on yourself when you mentally struggled. You were good at shutting yourself away from the world. You thought it was fine, but he knew that if you kept it up, you’d collapse beneath it. 

“Okay, so you can order us some dinner. I haven’t eaten dinner either.” It was a lie, but he didn’t want to make you feel guilty for being the only one getting food. “What are we thinking?” 

“It’s getting late.” 

“So fast food, it is.” 

You chuckled and shook your head, but it didn’t sway you away. While bags ruffled and Seungmin grumbled and struggled in your kitchen, you ordered the two of yourselves food. 

“Holy shit,” you got out. 

“What? What is it? Are you okay?” He stopped what he was doing and rushed towards the living room. 

“They’re totally backed up on orders! It looks like there’s a few places closed, so if we want food, it’s going to take two hours. I mean we could go get it, but I-” 

“Do you think you can wait two hours?” 

“Can you?” You jerked your head up to glance at him. 

He grinned, “this is perfect. Go ahead and order and I’ll finish setting up.” 

“I don’t like not knowing what you’re doing.” 

“You’ll know soon enough.” 

“What do you want?” 

“The usual.” 

As you ordered, he continued to set up until he finally finished. “Okay, I’m ready! Come out here now!” 

You pushed yourself off the couch and headed towards your kitchen. Before you could make it there, he stopped you and shoved something over your head. You raised an eyebrow as you glanced down at the black apron. “What are you doing?” 

“Every baker needs an apron.” 

“Huh?” 

He grabbed something from behind you and shoved it on your head. You stared at him in shock as he adjusted the puffy white hat. “Ta-dah!” 

“Did you just put a chef hat on my head?” 

“Maybe you should be thanking me because I didn’t put a rat up there first.” 

You rolled your eyes and glanced over. A wide variety of ingredients were placed along the counter tops. Two large mixing bowls were situated on the counter behind you. You glanced at all of it in confusion. 

“What is this?” 

“Welcome to your very own version of your favorite baking show. The contestants are us and the winner gets bragging rights. The other will never be able to forget that they suck at baking.” 

“You gave me a chef hat…for baking?” 

“Cooking and baking are basically the exact same thing.” 

Your jaw dropped in shock. “I can’t believe you just said that. You watch my show with me and you still don’t know the difference? Baking is usually measured ingredients and it’s baked whereas cooking is flexible and you can add and subtract things into your di-” 

“Spoken like a true nerd. Anyway, let’s get on with the show. Chop, chop!” He clapped his hands and spun around. “Since I clothed you, I expect you to do the same. The stuff is behind you.” 

You tried not to laugh as you put the apron over his head and tied the strings. When you were finished, you placed the chef hat on his fluffy hair and tugged too hard. He yelled the moment he couldn’t see. 

“You’re cheating! Cheater! We’ve gotta cheater and the competition hasn’t even started yet!” He huffed and jerked the hat back up while you laughed. 

There it was. That melodic sound that he thought about every night before bed. It was so rich and so glorious. He wished he could experience it until the end of time. 

“You’re so dramatic!” 

“Well, someone has to call you out on cheating and I’m the only one here to do it!” 

“What are we making?” 

“What if I said I haven’t figured it out yet?” 

Your eyes glanced over in confusion. All the ingredients were sprawled out, but he didn’t know? “So what is all of th-” 

“I just picked out a bunch of random stuff,” he shrugged. “There’s some different fruits. Flour, sugar, baking powder, and baking soda. I got some different spices and some vanilla. I just figured that we’d try our best to make something out of it.” 

“We’re going into this blind?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I hope you know that this is going to be a disaster.” 

“For you, it is. For me, I’m basically a pro.” He rubbed his hands together and then clapped. “Alright, let’s get this party started!” 

You walked over to your bowl, grabbed it, and glanced at all the ingredients. “So what are you making?” 

“I’m not telling.” 

“How are we going to bake something without measuring cups?” 

He froze and his eyes widened. “Wait, I thought you had those! Please don’t tell me that you…” You shook your head. “Oh no.” 

You waved him off and shook your head a final time. “It’s fine, we can adjust. We’ll just use spoons or our hands. Speaking of that, I need to clean mine.” 

“Ha! I’m already one step ahead of you. I’d never poison the judges with germs.” 

“What judges?” 

“You.” 

“Oh.”

While you washed your hands, Seungmin headed over to the opposite counter and grabbed the flour. He started to tug, but the bag wouldn’t open fully. With a sigh of annoyance, he gripped the sides tighter and tugged. 

When you heard sputtering, you whipped around with the dish towel still in your hand. You were utterly speechless as a puff of flour blew out of Seungmin’s mouth. The two of you stared at each other in silence. 

It covered his entire face. Both of his darkened eyebrows and eyelashes were coated in it. Sun-kissed golden skin had turned moonlight pale. The chef’s hat tipped back off his head and laid on the floor behind him. A strangled giggle erupted in the back of your throat. 

“Stop it! It’s not funny!” With every word spat, flour slipped off his head. It blew off his nose and freed itself from his lips. When he brushed pale handprints on his black apron, you lost it entirely. 

Collapsing onto your knees, giggles streamed from your mouth. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop them. Every time Seungmin huffed or grumbled, you laughed harder. He looked like the abominable snowman. 

“You think this is funny, huh?” He grabbed a handful of flour from the table and chucked it your way. The snowy smoke stained the front of your own apron. 

“Hey!” You cried out as you brushed it off. “That’s not fair! You did this to yourself, don’t take it out on me!” He laughed and grabbed another handful. You screeched and ran to the other side of the kitchen. Your hat managed to fall off in the process. “Stop it!” 

“Get back here!” 

He couldn’t help it. Your smiles and laughter were so infectious. He knew it had been harder for you without him around all the time. The two day vacation from the company was a small slice of heaven. 

When you dodged one way, so did he. You slipped onto the floor as he shoved the handful of flour in your hair. You grabbed another one and shoved it to his chest. He yelped as the powdery substance slipped down his shirt. 

“Hey!” 

“You started it!” 

“You brat!” 

You didn’t know how long the two of you ran around throwing handfuls of flour at each other. Unfortunately for you, the bag of flour he had gotten was bigger than usual. Flour was all over your pants, your cheeks, and your apron. You were even sure it had entered your armpit. 

You finally collapsed onto the ground in the leftover piles. A powdered haze settled over the area. Both of you were breathless and full of delight. 

“Okay,” Seungmin managed to get out, “we call it a tie for now.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Next time, we’ll prepare better.” 

“With an actual recipe,” you added. 

“With an actual recipe,” he agreed. 

The two of you stayed silent for a while. Your eyes shut and you panted. It had been so long since you had a little fun. You forgot how small things like this tended to fossilize in our hearts. This tiny memory was one that you’d remember with such joy and delight, you’d never forget it. 

“I think I choked on too much flour. Everything tastes like bland ass and-” 

“You’ve eaten ass?” 

“You’re about to eat this fist.” 

You laughed and sprawled out your limbs. Your eyes shut and before you knew it, your limbs began to move. Up and down, up and down, up and down. 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

“Snow angel.” 

“This isn’t snow.” 

“A flour angel is the same concept.” 

Seungmin pushed himself up and stared over at you. A small smile was on your face as your body moved up and down. Sure enough, it looked like an angel was forming behind you. The blank pits of the floor created the illusion of wings where your arms were shifting. 

His own smile appeared on his face. Your flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. God, he wished he could keep you happy like this forever. He knew he couldn’t, but he’d sure try. 

“Okay, come on, angel.” He stood up and reached out a hand towards you. “We’ve gotta go shower and clean this mess up before the food arrives.” 

“Or we could just stay here for a little longer.” 

“Or we could just go get cleaned up, so we don’t smell like grain.” 

“You always have to ruin the fun,” you huffed. 

“Who said the fun had to stop at the shower? You never know what might-” 

You were up within seconds and rushing towards the shower. All he could do was playfully roll his eyes and chuckle. You left white footprints the entire way there. He wanted to lecture you, but for now, he was just glad you were smiling again 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi

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Whoopsies, guess im falling in love with a sk! 🤷‍♀️

10000/10 would recommend this read 👌💕

serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

WC: ~10k

RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: rough sex, manipulation, strangulation, blood, implied drugging, murder

SYNOPSIS: you walk into Seungmin’s life, and disrupt everything

DEITY INTRO

The smell of smoke reaches his nose, and the craving comes on so suddenly, and so strong…he hates this, not being able to control something so small. He doesn't have much control at all, if he thinks about it. He hasn't had any real control in years—just the illusion of it. The first chance Seungmin gets, he disappears into a convenience store, and he walks back out with a pack of cigarettes clenched in one hand. He bites down on a fresh book of matches as he bounces it against the heel of his palm, eyes still carefully scanning the streets as he unwraps the plastic and pops one between his lips.

The sound of the match against the striker strip is enough to calm his nerves, but the first slow drag quiets his mind and numbs the itch in his limbs. The part of his brain that doesn't shut up when it's time likes to smoke lately, it seems, so he listens. More of his illusion.

Just as he pulls in another lungful, you breeze past him, head down, eyes glued to your phone. Seungmin can see exactly what you're doing—looking at a map as you walk, probably a little lost, and you’re mumbling quietly. Scolding yourself, maybe, but taking your time and obviously trying to keep it together. He wonders just how lost you are, but he doesn't move right away…he’s smarter than that. That itch returns very quickly, despite the cigarette, and his legs shake a little with the anticipation of following behind. Lucky for him, you stop and duck under the awning for some shade, and probably to get your bearings.

He likes the way you look.

You feign confidence, and you really are doing a great job of fitting in and acting like you know where you are—where you need to go. If anyone else was nearby, they wouldn't even suspect you needed help. And you’re pretty. Seungmin thinks you probably don’t know that, not here, so out of your element. You are, though.

Just as he moves to approach you, you lift your gaze, and your eyes find his. Seungmin freezes for a moment, then slowly takes the cigarette from him lips. “Hello,” he smiles and turns away a little to blow out his smoke. “I’m sorry, I can…” he discards it, then turns back, hoping your eyes are still on him.

He was a little rushed this morning, his hair dryer broke, and he spilled an entire iced coffee on his way out the door. Going out today didn’t seem like the best idea, but he figured he would at least make the attempt, and try again tomorrow if he had to. Seungmin is very glad he tried today. You still look up at him with keen, hopeful eyes when he turns to face you again.

“…put this out.” He tries English—it’s the only western language he knows. “Do you need help reading your map?”

Still, you stare…silent. If you don’t speak English or Korean, he’s out of luck, and he’ll have to drag himself back home, alone, and crawl into bed until tomorrow.

“Yes…thank you”

He sighs internally, and smiles softly at you. Once again, his looks (and his fluent English) get him what he wants. Seungmin doubts you would have taken the help if that first look didn't get something moving in you. He could see it in your eyes. “Where are you headed? I might be more useful than that map.”

Still, you hesitate for a brief moment, “...my apartment. I took the bus, and I missed it coming back. But I think I’m almost there. I’m just a little anxious, and I’m being stupid…”

“No, you’re not. Have you been here long? In Seoul?”

“About a week”

“No, not stupid. What’s the address?”

/ / /

“Stay close, we can probably get the whole way across.” He looks back at you, and slows enough for you to catch up to his long strides. “No, maybe not,” he takes your wrist in his hand, and it’s unnecessary, because you stop with him. It’s a good start…the first touch. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you glance at him, and then to his hand wrapped around you, “I think I know where I’m at now.”

“You think?”

“I think”

“I’ll take you to your building. You don’t have to invite me up…promise.”

It’s another two blocks before you finally see it, and the sight of it is a relief. Seungmin can almost feel the tension leave your body as you approach it, but there’s a long moment of silence between you when you finally get there.

Eventually, you unfreeze yourself and speak,“thank you for your help…uh, what should I call you?”

“Thank you for letting me help. You can call me Seungmin.” He smiles shyly when he says his name.

“Seungmin, is it okay if do?”

“Do what?” He already knows what you’re getting at, but he cocks his head and bites his lip.

“Invite you up. I’m sure you have better things to do, though.”

Seungmin loves the flush in your cheeks when you ask. The nervous energy that left you returns, and it gets his blood pumping everywhere it needs to—his heartbeat jumps, and he hopes his cheeks pink up a little bit, too. “No, that’s been my best offer all day.” He knows he can’t do anything here, but this is also an unusual feeling—visiting the home of a potential victim. It's not necessary, and it's very personal...and it's a little bit awkward.

“This is cute.” Seungmin stands in one spot, and examines the tiny apartment. It’s simple, and still a little plain, but you’ve barely had time to settle. He can picture the twin size bed you’re sleeping on, and how the two of you would barely fit; the commotion you’d make…the mess. The thought sends a jolt of pleasure through him, and he feels himself getting hard as he watches you stare so intensely.

“What?” He smirks. You smile back, so Seungmin lets his grow a little wider.

“Do you want some coffee? You look like a coffee person.”

“I am, I would love some”

/ / /

“You’re a long way from home,” Seungmin says over the rim of his mug, casually scanning every part of you as he does—your bare feet shuffling on the area rug; your legs, easy to admire in the tight leggings you’re wearing; body sinking comfortably into the squishy couch. He sits up and turns himself toward you a little more. “May I ask why?”

“Work. But I think I’m very under-qualified for the position…I took it to get away from my old life, and my ex.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Bad breakup?”

“Bad enough…I’m sure things could’ve been worse”

If he can find out when the break-up happened, Seungmin can figure out just how vulnerable you still are. “If it was worth coming this far, I’m sure it was bad.” Reaching out right now and grabbing your throat would be so, so easy. It would be nothing; his hands would wrap perfectly around your delicate neck. He can almost feel the snap of your hyoid, your pulse as it speeds up; slows down; stops completely. Vulnerable, but still guarded—soft, sad eyes, and nervous fingers tapping against the mug, turned slightly away from him.

Still, when you look at him again, you light up a little. “My turn…what were you doing smoking outside a GS25 all alone this morning? I’m very glad you were there…just curious.”

“Oh…” Seungmin actually laughs at that—a genuine laugh. He wasn’t prepared for such a blunt question. “People watching, I guess. I like to observe.” He notices your eyes wondering over him, the same as he did to you, only you’re a lot little less subtle about it. “What is it?”

“What do you do for a living?”

A living. What does he do for a living? He doesn’t do anything except survive day to day within his careful, tedious routine. He’s a trust-fund baby, thank god. Seungmin can’t imagine having to work a day job, deal with the public, wear a mask every moment of the day just to get by.

“I make music…write, produce. Independently. Nothing major, but it pays the bills.” It’s not his usual lie, but it seems fitting for you. It’s not even a lie, because Seungmin does make music—music that has ever seen the light of day.

“You sing?”

Seungmin nods, puts on another shy smile for you. “Yeah, I do. Mostly for myself, though.” He’s not used to fielding so many personal questions so quickly, because by now, someone has their mouth on something. Or something in it. The thought gives him another twinge in his groin, and he almost whines along with his sigh.

Now is probably a good time to get more information, but his dick continues to distract him. “Uhm, what was your promotion? What do you do?” Not this information, but he has to start somewhere.

“Nothing very exciting. Customer relations for a cosmetics company. I don’t like it very much, but it pays well enough, and I’m here now.”

“Is that where you went this morning?” It’s almost too nosy, but he goes with it. “Sorry, that’s not really my business.”

“No, it’s okay. I was coming back from Dongguk University. I’m taking language classes."

He takes the opportunity to switch to Korean, “good…so you don’t speak any Korean?”

And all you can do is stare back, clueless. “I think I caught a word,” you laugh when he grins at you.

“I’m going to have so much fun with you”

An exchange of phone numbers, the promise of dinner, and Seungmin is on his way back home. Empty handed, yes, but he already has a plan unfolding in his mind. A few times before, he’s deliberately taken his time—did the cat and mouse thing, or more appropriately for him, a dog with a bone. It’s usually not by choice, though. He may have to find another in the meantime; something quick and easy to hold him over. Rushing things with you won't satisfy him.

“Wow, this is…great,” the girl turns and gives Seungmin a heavy, confident look. She only has one thing on her mind, but he’s alright with getting straight to the point. “How about the bedroom?” So why does the eagerness almost turn him off? It’s a stark contrast to what you just gave him, and to what anyone else ever gives him. The dates he picks up don’t want coffee and conversation.

There is no foreplay—not a single touch until his pants are undone and on the floor, but she goes for his shirt, and Seungmin grabs for her wandering hands.

“What’s wrong…self-conscious?” She slips one under and runs her fingertips across his ribs.

He has to tilt his head to the side to avoid her lips. “No, I’m not.”

“You are a little skinny, but that’s okay”

The gasp the girl makes when he grabs the side of her neck, the little bit of fear in her eyes, is what finally gets him completely hard. He squeezes, just enough to not be threatening, and she relaxes for a moment.

“Sorry…sorry, just teasing,” she smiles a little, and her eyes dart from the window, and then back to him.

“Get on your knees”

She does so without hesitation, but Seungmin turns and walks away before she has a chance to touch again. There wasn’t much prep for this, so he has to be careful, and he has to be quiet, so he stares absently into the drawer of his bedside table for a few long moments. Handcuffs could be helpful, but the gag might be even better. He opts for the handcuffs, and when the girl sees them dangling from his finger, she smiles. “Okay, I like kinky…are those for me?”

Seungmin nods, and very gently secures one of her wrists. The other end snaps around the bedpost. Now she reaches her free hand toward him and gets a handful of dick, and he lets her touch.

“Are you gonna be a tease now? Take these off.”

A hand comes down fast, and again she gasps as he tightens his grip around her throat. She grabs for him and claws at his skin, but it does nothing. His grip still tightens, even as her nails cut and a thin line of blood starts to form. Seungmin relaxes, and then lets go.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She coughs and pulls at the cuff, but it's not going anywhere. “Get this off of me. Now."

None of this is new for him, and most of the time, his jobs aren't easy. Last time, he was lucky. "No," Seungmin laughs and pulls his shirt over his head, but just as he's about to return to his drawer for something new, he hears his phone buzz in the pocket of his discarded jeans.

"Take these off…please"

"Not yet, relax"

"But you will? What are you gonna do? I'm sorry I teased you…please, you can do whatever you want, but—"

"But? I can do whatever I want, but what?"

The fear in her eyes is enough of an answer, but another buzz of his phone distracts her for the briefest moment. "Please let me go. We can just pretend this never happened.”

Seungmin goes for his phone this time, "no, I don’t do that," and stares at the number for a few seconds before recognizing it, because he didn't add you to his contacts. He's not even sure he should.

Hi! I just wanted to thank you again for being so kind. I haven't had any really nice interactions with anyone until I met you today. And there is a place a block way from me that I've been wanting to try since I got here, if you're still interested.

Seungmin doesn't catch himself grinning, but his guest does. "Good news?" She asks. "Look, this was just a date gone bad. I'm not into whatever kinky shit you're into.”

He's bored. To be honest, he's been bored since he got this girl back to the apartment, so this may not do the job as well as he was expecting—he’s already starting to get soft. But letting someone go? Seungmin doesn't do that. The phone gets tossed onto the bed as he makes his way back to his drawer, and this time, he knows what he needs. The girl gasps and screams as soon as she sees the glint of the blade against the lamplight—the gag definitly would have helped, but it's too late now. The neighbors are mosty likely at work, at least.

The rattle of the cuffs against the bedpost is annoying, and Seungmin thinks for a moment that it might actually break. "You need to relax, and you need to be quiet. This…" he gestures to her antics, "this is not helping either of us."

"Fuck you, you're gonna burn in hell"

That's the last thing she says. There is one more reach, and one more scratch of her nails (right across his cheek), but she gives in as soon as the knife slides neatly between her ribs. One last hitch in her throat, one last exhale, and the light fades from her eyes. Exactly what he needed.

"I know"

/ / /

I am still interested. I wonder if we're thinking of the same place.

He sends that off and thinks, but the first text is more of a challenge to acknowledge.

I'm glad I could be your first.

It doesn't sound quite right to him, but maybe that's a good thing. He sends that, too.

Now he looks to the lifeless body on his floor. The blood has soaked through her clothes, and onto the area rug where she was kneeling. Seungmin suddenly remembers why he hates doing things this way. Okay, no blood for a while, he thinks as he begins to conceal the body. He has a long day ahead of him now.

The week passes slowly, and Seungmin spends it hidden away in his bedroom. He wrote a little, and he forced himself to sing last night, but aside from that, he's just existed beneath the warmth of his blankets. One more text came from you a few days ago, but he hasn't bothered looking at it yet. Ignoring his phone has been a test for himself, and he has done pretty well at not thinking about what you said.

That can't last forever, though. Seungmin doesn't think you're going to lose interest that easily. He knows you won't. And besides, he's hungry. It's time to get out of bed.

I'm free all day on Thursday

Fuck, today is Thursday. Seungmin sits up in bed and stares at the screen, thinks…wonders if chasing you will be worth it in the end. What if he spends all of this time on you, and it doesn’t fill the need he’s expecting it to? What if it’s just like the last one? He starts to type.

I am free today. I'm sorry I took so long to reply. I understand if you made other plans.

No, it can’t be as bad as that one.

Lunch. Maybe a walk, if it's not to cold for you. Back to the apartment. It's not time, though. The feeling hasn't quite returned yet, and it won't feel right if he does this now. Maybe today isn't the day.

I'm still free. Let me know when!

But lunch wouldn't hurt. Seungmin needs you here, in this apartment, if he's going to do this right. He needs you comfortable with him.

I can get dressed and head to your building. Half an hour? Meet me outside.

/ / /

You dressed up for him. He's still a half a block away, and you’re turned in the opposite direction, but he can tell that you put some thought and effort into your outfit. Seungmin looks the same as he typically does; black jeans, black sneakers, a Carhartt jacket over a loose fitting t-shirt. Not much effort, really, but…

"Hi!" You examine him, not so subtly, starting from his dark parted hair, all the way down his long, slender legs. The smile on your face grows when you meet his eyes again. "How was your walk?"

Now it's beginning to feel like a date, and it’s very obvious that you’re attracted to him. There’s no doubt you would’ve looked at him the same had he arrived in the sweatpants he had on in bed this morning. "Very nice. How was the trip from your apartment?"

Seungmin gets a genuine laugh out of you. “It was great, I was very excited to get down here and see you.”

Excited to see him. Okay. Seungmin is used to the attention, but he isn’t as used to the cute, innocent flirting. He sees your cheeks blush before you drop your gaze.

“You lead the way”

He nods, and brushes by you very gently.

Lunch is perfectly normal; a real date. Seungmin learns a little more about you, and you learn a few more exaggerated, somewhat true things about him. The breakup between you and your ex was recent—only six weeks ago. The move was actually the catalyst for ending things. You confessed to him that you’re still unsure if it was the right thing to do, but you are beginning to like living in Seoul already. Maybe because of him. You thanked him again for his help, so Seungmin starts to wonder if simple kindness isn’t something you’re used to. Getting it from him seems a little ironic.

“Would you like to take a walk?” The second part of his plan already seems to be in motion, because you walked right by your building without even realizing. “There’s a nice park I like to visit about a half a mile that way, and a cafe a little closer, actually.”

“Either sounds good"

“Or, my apartment is closer than both. And I have a very nice coffee bar. And a regular bar, if you prefer.”

He hears your soft laugh, and he can picture you blushing again. A no wouldn’t surprise him, though—going straight to his apartment was beginning to feel like a stretch, but he has to ask. After all, you did invite him up fifteen minutes into knowing him.

"Are you gonna make me a homeade latte?"

"Whatever you desire"

/ / /

Seungmin waits for you to give him a surprised look as soon as he leads you through his front door, just like everyone else does, but you don’t. You’re quiet as you take your shoes off and look around, and you don’t make a sound until he speaks up.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get the espresso machine going.”

“You must do good work”

“I wouldn’t say that. My dad left me a lot when he died, so I can’t take any credit for it.” Why did he say that? He had no reason to tell the truth, and yet, it slipped right out.

Now you do give him a look—a sad, apologetic one. “Well, I’m sure you still do good work.”

Seungmin keeps his mouth shut as he flips a switch and grinds the coffee beans. You don’t say anything else, but he watches you watching him carefully from the corner of his eye as he works. He makes one for himself, too, and as he walks to join you, a reflection on the hardwood makes him stop in his tracks. A small, silver earring is shining up at him, and he silently scolds himself for his sloppy cleanup. How did he miss that all week? He did stay in bed for most of that time, but he has never, not once, left something behind. It looks clean, at least...no blood.

“What’s wrong?” You look to where he’s looking, and you see whatever has him frozen. A small silver hoop earring.

“Uh, nothing…” he sets both coffees down on the table and tries to ignore it, but he can’t. Besides, you’ve seen it, and he can’t just leave it there. Seungmin wonders if he left something even more damning in the apartment as he bends to pick it up.

“One of your dates lost something?” You say it casually…just an observation, “I assume you have a lot of them coming and going.” But Seungmin looks ready to defend himself.

“No…no, I don’t. Not that often, really.” He slips it into his pocket. “How is your drink. I can make another if it’s not quite right.”

“It looks good,” you pick it up and hold it under your nose, “smells good,” and take a slow, careful sip. It’s hot, but just the right amount of hot. “It’s very good, thank you.”

He sits down, and his knee grazes against yours. You hold still and watch his hand run down his thigh, follow his arm up to his shoulder—to his neck, where his loose t-shirt reveals some collarbone, soft and tan. Seungmin is staring right through you, and he doesn't seem to realize it. The movement of his eyes is hypnotizing, and they're so big and dark, you feel like they could swallow you whole.

Just when you think he's going to reach for his coffee, his hand lifts toward you, and everything moves in slow motion—Seungmin's tongue pokes out to wet his lips, he bites down on it a little…and his fingertips just barely graze the far side of your neck.

You shake free of your trance and move back.

"Sorry"

"It's alright," you take another long sip of your coffee and avoid his gaze, but you can feel him staring at you. Hard. You look around his big, well decorated apartment and suddenly wonder how you ended up here with a man you hardly know, inches from him, his eyes eating away at you.

He's not sure why he went for that touch. Curiousity, maybe. Your skin looks soft, it is soft, and though he has no overwhelming urges at the moment, he still wants to to know how your skin feels squeezed against his palms, and pinched between his fingers. The image gives him a pleasant twinge in his stomach, and he doesn't even think about the possibility of his dick growing in his jeans right here and now. Today, nothing will happen, and if he scares you off now, he’ll never get you here alone again. It’s not a risk worth taking.

“I am…please forgive me. I don’t know why I did that. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“I don’t.” It’s a little bit of a lie, but he seems sincere. It’s easier to relax and take a deep breath now that he’s up and making a little bit of distance between you. Still, you admire him from this angle—his long, slender legs, perfect in proportion to the rest of him. Broad shoulders, and a strong looking back that you can see when the light hits his white t-shirt just right.

His face is soft, his jaw is strong, and his skin pretty, but not quite perfect. Seungmin looks like a piece of art come to life, and he’s here with to you. Talking to you. Staring at you. Reaching out to touch you.

There has to be something wrong with him.

“Are you okay?”

“Hm? Yes, I’m okay”

“I asked if you wanted to see the balcony”

There is no doubt he caught you admiring him. The grin on his face warms your cheeks…it warms your entire body. “Yeah, sure”

The balcony is in his bedroom.

Very cautiously, you walk through the doorway, but you’re not sure why you’re still on edge. So far, Seungmin has been sweet and thoughtful…maybe a little odd, but not so odd that it should concern you. Regardless of how handsome he is, maybe he really doesn’t go on many dates, or even get out of this apartment very often…his room is dark and moody, maybe more of a reflection of his mind than anything else in the apartment. Everything looks expensive—the high windows, the lighting, the music equipment in the corner. His bed is oversized and covered in soft pillows, and an old stuffed dog sits right in the middle. It looks like it’s seen better days. Seungmin doesn’t stop to show you around, though. He heads straight for the balcony.

“You’re not afraid of heights?”

You shake your head.

“Good. It’s a nice view.”

It is a nice view, because he’s almost at the very top. The wind gusts a few times as you stand there, and the air is chilly, but Seungmin stands to your side and blocks most of it. His eyes burn into you again, and you’re starting to like it.

“I should probably go.” Another lie. There is no reason to leave, and you don’t want to, but if you do stay, something will certainly happen.

“Oh, of course…I can call a ride for you”

And you want something to happen. Being in his room, within falling distance of his bed, is driving you a little bit crazy. His big, soft eyes are driving you crazy. But you barely know him, and you’ve barely settled into your new life. Feeling vulnerable isn’t new, but you’re extra vulnerable right now, and you know what can happen when you feel that way.

/ / /

Someone else will come along, and he’ll be fine. Eventually, he’ll come across another perfect one, and when he does, he won’t drag his feet and fuck things up. You were right here, inches from him…more than within reach, and Seungmin is not used to failing at getting his way. Maybe he missed something. Seungmin isn’t completely aloof when it comes to emotions and reading them on people, but he doesn’t typically bother with it, and he isn’t the best at it.

Fortunately, he doesn't have to dwell on it too long. You send him a text right before he begins to doze off that night...

Thank you for lunch today, and the walk…and coffee. Sorry I ended everything so quickly, it was nothing personal. I would like to see you again.

Okay, everything is fine. Just a little overreaction on his part. He just…scared you off? Came on a little too strong with the neck touch, more than likely. It didn't seem like much, but you're obviously a little reticent.

I would like to see you again

No reply to that, but a heart pops up next to his message after it sends.

He drags himself to the other end of the street, but he's tired. Sleep hasn't come easily the past few days, and the nightmares that come and go have returned…the same ones—the old shed, the soft, rain soaked ground, and the earth covering his father's hands when he reaches out for Seungmin. There's more, so much more, but it always comes in pieces. Maybe tonight he'll get another piece.

For now he focuses on the woman entering the bar, and he's certain he's going to lose her in there on a busy Saturday night. The urges have returned, and the sleepless nights haven't made things any easier, so he has to do something, and this half-hearted chase helps a litte bit. You haven't said a word since Thursday, and if you don't by tomorrow morning, he might just come and find you himself. If that's the case, he doesn't even need to pursue this one—he can go back home, take a hot shower, make a strong drink, and finish his nightmare.

“Seungmin?”

His heart jumps into his throat.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you”

It’s you. It’s your soft, lilting voice, and your pleasant accent. He turns and your eyes connect, but his heart still continues to pound. “Hi, what are doing so far from home?” Very far. He ventured a little further out of his comfort zone this time around. Running into you this far from home can't be a coincidence, even if Seungmin doesn't believe in things like that.

“You first”

“Oh, uh…trying to be social, I guess”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me the truth.” You smile at his smirk. “A few of my classmates dragged me along, but I’m over it already. I don’t usually stay up this late.”

“I can ride home with you, if you’d like. Unless I can convince you to have a drink with me first.”

You think about it, but not for very long. Part of you wants to make up for last time, and for struggling to text him back. “Yes to both. Can we try a different bar?” The other part wants to remain strong.

“Of course, anything you want”

“Your bar?”

But the former part is bigger.

It's a quiet ride back to his place, but it's not an awkward quiet. Seungmin is relaxed, body turned sightly toward you, and you can tell he's watching every subtle movement you make; the fidgeting of your fingers, and the bounce of your knee, the occasional shift to adjust yourself and pull at your sweater. You can't quite figure out what he seems to see in you, and maybe that's part of your hesitation—being a clueless foreigner with a native drinking up every little thing, emphasis on little, that you have to you offer.

He walks ahead of you as you head for the elevator, and it's another opportunity to look at him in the harsh light. The leather jacket he's wearing is a bit big, but it doesn't hide the broadness of his shoulders. Just as you move your eyes down, he begins to take it off and reveal even more. His muscles move delicately beneath the black t-shirt as it slides down his arms, this time a more form-fitting one, tucked loosely into his black jeans. Tiny waist, narrow hips, but just enough ass to grab.

The elevator opens and he turns to you, "don't worry, I won’t keep you up too late."

When you arrived, he did all of the things guy's don't actually do on your dates: pay for the ride, open the door, hold a hand out for you. It was a little bit cheesy, but you're not going to complain about his good manners.

"Do you mind if I change? I can smell the smoke on me."

You shake your head at him, make yourself comfortable on the couch, and listen carefully as he moves around in his bedroom…the slide of a drawer, a door softly opening and closing. He's not in there long, and when he comes out, he looks like a different person.

Seungmin’s face is so striking, and it’s like that no matter what he does to his hair, but he definitely combed everything back with his fingers while he changed. It’s parted just off to the side and pushed away from his eyes, save for a few lose strands, and his eyes are so pretty and intense. The outfit is completely different—a loose fitting t-shirt, a thin white one this time, and sweatpants. It looks so out of place, because the three times you’ve seen him, he was dressed a little more than casual.

A silver Chanel necklace still hangs around his neck, and you wonder if he just forgot about it. “Better?” You stand and take a step toward him, he moves a little closer, but heads toward his small, but elaborate bar.

“Yeah,” he smiles and beckons you . “What do you like to drink?”

“What do you think I like?”

“Oh…good question, let me think,” he very patiently scans over his selection…

Ice in the shaker, cherry soju, coconut vodka—he gives it a shake, never breaking eye contact until he has to grab a glass and pour—he stops and looks around, thinks, then grabs another bottle from under the bar. As soon as he twists the cap off, the sweet smell hits you. Seungmin tops it off with cream soda, and drops in a cherry before sliding it toward you. Then he pours some for himself, minus the soda.

“Is this me as a cocktail?”

He sips his, and you can hear a little laugh from behind the glass. “First impression? Yeah. Is it good?”

“It’s good, it’s sweet…goes down easy”

“Oh, I hope so”

The whole room warms. You feel like you’re on fire. You know you’re blushing, and you might even be grinning like an idiot, but you can’t pull yourself away from his stare. Seungmin bites down on his bottom lip and a smirk slowly tugs at his mouth, and it’s now that you notice how plump and red his lips are. His cheeks turn a little pink, too.

All you can do is clear your throat and shift in the bar stool, but thankfully, Seungmin still has the reigns. He finishes his drink in one swift movement, and you take one more sip as he rounds the bar. The warmth of his hand on your thigh, you do feel that, but everything else is either numb or pulsing with nervous excitement. He spins you to face him, but his hand doesn’t move—it squeezes as he leans in and whispers in your ear.

“Stop fighting against it…just…” he sighs, and it turns to a soft moan. You feel like you could melt right out of this stool and onto the floor. “Don’t make me beg.”

Fuck, your mind went from nothing to everything you want him to do to you, and everything you’ve been wanting to do to him. But you haven’t done anything yet, and you don’t have to. Seungmin hasn’t come off as that type, but god…the way he’s looking at you and gripping your leg. He gently pushes your thighs apart until he can put himself between them, and your eyes drop to the growing bulge in his sweatpants.

“Seungmin…uh, fuck…um”

“What? Look at me. Eyes up here.”

The ease at which he makes you listen is surprising. He has you now. The smoke-tinged smell of his skin, the vanilla of his cologne, and the sweet smell of booze on his lips. His eyes soften, and you can’t even begin to imagine resisting that look—from here you can see the little bit of black eyeliner starting to smudge. You don’t even feel yourself reach up and wipe your thumb at the corner of his eye, not until he smiles and wraps his fingers around your wrist.

“I’ll take care of you. I’ll give you what you need.”

No answer will come out, so you squeeze your thighs and hope he can read the look in your eyes. He does. Seungmin grabs your hips and pulls your body into his, lifts you, and doesn’t hesitate once he has you in his arms. He turns and takes you right into the bedroom, and the feeling of being outside of your body is intense. You can feel your legs wrapped tight around his hips, and your arms clinging to his shoulders…you can hear his soft grunts as he keeps you steady against him. He pulls you close right before he drops you, and you get a taste of his skin before you hit the bed.

“Keep your eyes on me”

He pulls his shirt over his head, and you study every inch of him while you can. A long, lean torso—his muscles underneath flex with every shallow breath; his bare shoulders—you count every freckle as your eyes move down his arms; his hands grab his waistband and pull, and his cock bounces out, bigger than anything you’ve taken before, and you’re not even sure he’s fully hard yet.

Seungmin laughs at your reaction. “I’m usually a little more subtle…but,” he stops and looks you over, and his voice turns so sweet, “take something off for me. Please.” He’s never this needy, and he doesn’t usually move so fast, but he’s aching for it. Nine days of teasing him was far too long. “Yeah?,” he purrs as you sit up and slide out of your oversized sweatshirt. “Much better….” He strokes himself as he climbs onto the bed.

As soon as your tank top makes it over your head, and your breasts bounce free, you feel your nipples harden even more. Seungmin groans like a horny teenager. “Good…lie back for me.”

The steadiness of his hands is what you expect from him, though. You know he’s experienced, and you know he wants all the control. He unbuttons the skirt and pulls, leaving you in nothing but your panties—you wore cute ones, the lacy ones, just because. Of course you weren’t expecting to get anything tonight, but you’re so glad you did when you see Seungmin smiling at them…but then he snaps out of his trance.

Fuck, he mumbles and moves back. You watch him hop off the bed, and take another chance to admire his naked body, but he doesn't take long getting into his drawer, grabbing something, and returning to you. The condom is out and on him before you even realize what he was doing, and your panties are gripped and pulled down.

"Open up for me," he coaxes your shy legs apart until he has an eyeful of your throbbing, swollen cunt—good—and his tongue slides hungrily into you, making you gasp. "Soaking wet for me already?" Seungmin looks at you for an answer.

You nod and cautiously run your fingers through his hair, and he leans into it before getting back to work, but he just teases you. Licking and sucking just enough to make your hips move against him for more. You relax and enjoy it while you look around the dark room. The curtains are pulled shut, but you can see a little slice of city through the balcony's sliding door. The built-in shelves in the corner are over flowing with books, records, little trinkets you can't quite make out. There’s a bouquet of fresh purple flowers poking out just enough to see. You reach up and slide your hand across a silky pillow, and your fngers close around it.

"Oh…right there," you whine and take another fistful of hair. "Seungmin, god."

He laughs again, takes your words to heart, and doesn't hold back.

Your eyes squeeze shut, and you try hard to keep your body relaxed as he works, but all you want to do is thrust into him, make more fiction…finish…come hard. Seungmin moans and the vibration runs through you.

"Fuck”

He stops, and lifts his mouth off of you completely…

"No…please"

…and he laughs. "Not yet, not yet."

"So mean," you whimper, "why…"

You force your legs closed, but Seungmin doesn't like that. He grabs each knee and spreads you open again, and he slides himself between your thighs until his cock grazes your sensitive clit.

“Relax…” he comes down and bites the skin on your hip.

“I am,” you lie back and look to your left this time; at the desk, the instruments, everything he uses for work. The bedside table is bare except for a lamp, a pair of glasses you’ve never seen him in, and a silver bracelet…it matches the necklace you feel tickling you as he moves his lips up your body. “I am.” Your fingers tangle in his hair as he gets closer and closer to your throat, your neck. He bites down gently, and the pressure as he pushes himself in is so much more than you prepared for. He doesn’t tease—but he does at least take his time. After a few patient movements, he pushes in, and you whine in pain as he moans in pleasure, pulls out, laughs softly as he pushes in. Again and again.

“Fuck, you feel good”

“Slower…slow down,” your own voice echoes in your head, and you don’t feel like you’re all there. But you watched him make your drink, and he didn’t put anything in it. It’s stupid, but maybe it’s just him, and this room.

“Slow down? Oh, I’m hurting you.” He pushes in and stops, “I don’t wanna hurt you, but...you look so good stretched around my cock,” and pulls out carefully, “so wet.”

“You’re not hurting me…”

“I am”

It takes so much restraint, but Seungmin listens to you, and he’s patient as he pumps in and out. Every few strokes, he moves a little faster, and he knows he finally finds a good pace when you whine for him and squeeze his arms.

“Yeah, you like that?” He whispers and you nod, “you take it so well, fuck.”

His gentle affirmations keep you wet, and the sound you make together, the mess of arousal dripping out of you as he works—Seungmin pushes your thighs apart and takes in every little detail.

It does hurt, and it feels so good at the same time. “Please…”

The soft movements of your breasts distract him, and he takes them in his hands and squeezes. The look on his face is dazed, so full of pleasure. So lost.

“…don’t stop.”

"No." He’s not stopping anytime soon, not when it feels this good. “No, I’m not,” Seungmin speeds up, "I'm gonna break you in two," and slams hard into you, and no, he doesn’t stop, even when you cry out in pain. One hand falls down on your mouth, and the other pushes your shoulder into the bed, making you scream out again, but it’s muffled by his palm.

Your hands jump up and squeezes his forearm, and the other scratches at the hand covering your mouth. You can still breathe through your nose, but just barely. Seungmin doesn’t relax, and he doesn’t let up when you grab his side and dig in. Everything goes numb, but your skin prickles with goosebumps. You’re outside of your body again, looking down at the struggle, and the ceaseless pounding of his hips against yours. Every move he makes knocks even more air out of your lungs. Maybe if he comes, he’ll stop, or at least loosen his hand and let more air into your lungs. Time slows down, and lights pop up in your vision. You’re getting dizzy, and your heart was threatening to explode before he attempted to stifle your moans. Your chest starts to burn as you exhaust yourself.

There’s nothing you can do. Seungmin is stronger than he looks. Fingers squeeze into his arms one last time before the feeling disappears, and you think he finishes just as you let the rest of your body relax. Sleeping, that’s what this feels like. Falling asleep…feeling so tired you can’t possibly keep your eyes open any longer. Something in you needs to say his name one last time when the pressure of his hand is finally gone, but so are you.

/ / /

Seungmin can barely hold his body up, because he can’t remember the last time sex felt that good; the last time he came so hard. It takes a moment for enough blood to return to his brain, and for the post-orgasm bliss to subside enough that he can speak, but when he does, he finally realizes how silent you are.

“Hey, sweetheart…look at me,” he runs a soft thumb across your brow, and wipes away a stray tear running down your temple. Seungmin freezes, and the air catches in his throat. “Open your eyes,” he whispers, taps your pink cheek, and caresses it with a softness he isn’t used to giving out. Nothing happens. He pulls at your chin until your lips part to listen for the movement of air. Still nothing. “Fuck.” The shakiness of his voice surprises him. He climbs off of you and collapses onto his pillows, but his eyes don’t leave your still body. “I didn’t. You fucking idiot, you didn’t…” he’s up again and walking on unsteady legs, still weak from the exertion. Back in his sweatpants, Seungmin climbs onto the bed again and straddles your waist. Your cheeks are still flushed, and your lips, also still very alive looking, stay ever so slightly parted. Still, no air passes through them. He knows his own strength, and he prides himself on his control, but sometimes he does lose himself in the moment. But he kept his hands away from your neck. He very specifically forced that on himself, because this wasn’t the plan tonight.

“Hey,” he moves a piece of hair away from your damp forehead, places his lips against yours for the very first time, and he fills your lungs with air. Once…twice. Nothing. He tries one more time, and after, kisses you softly before returning to his spot on his pillows. The puppy plush falls onto his lap, and he grabs it, “you see that, Daengmo?” he says, and points its face toward you, “I still can’t do anything right.”

The first gasp for air feels like nothing—a useless, struggling breath like you’re still trapped underwater, but your eyes somehow open and see nothing but a blue tinted darkness. Hands clench something soft and slick…silky. Still corporeal after death, that’s the only thought you can create. The second breath fills your lungs and you cough it out, hard. So hard you sit up, and he’s there, holding your face, whispering your name. You try to push back, but you don’t think you actually move. Seungmin’s grip tightens on your shoulder, and he lets you fall back on the bed.

“Stay awake for me,” he says.

“No…no, stop”

“I’m not going to hurt you…I promise”

“Seung—” you feel yourself slipping again, and then his hand is on your bare chest, sliding up and down your sternum. It feels good, and you finally feel like you might be alive. “Seungmin?”

“I’m sorry”

And then you’re truly awake. The memory hits you suddenly—the hand caressing you is the same one that was clamped across your mouth. The other pinned you down onto the bed, and you can feel the sore spot where it's going to bruise. You somehow find the strength to move your arms and pull yourself away, but the burning of your thighs, and the leftover pain from the sex makes you shake and collapse.

Seungmin watches quietly as you scramble back up and gather your discarded clothes.

“You need to lay down. Please, get under the covers and get warm.” He finds your sweater, and holds it hostage. “I know I scared you, I'm—"

“Scared me?” Somehow, you manage to find and slip back into your underwear and tank top, but your skirt is nowhere. Why are you even looking for your clothes? You should have been up and running for the door, but your mind is nothing but static.

“No…I mean, what just happened is not what I intended. I lost myself.”

Finally, you go for the door, clothes or no clothes but it’s, unsurprisingly, locked. That’s an unbreakable habit of Seungmin’s. “Please let me go…please.” As much as you want to cry, nothing happens—but your throat tightens and it’s hard to breathe again, so you do the only thing you have left in you—collapse onto the floor and wait. "This can't be happening, not to me...no, everything felt right," you say to yourself, to the door.

“I can't let you leave, I'm sorry.” He hears himself speak so softly, and it's as if it's coming from someone else, from somewhere else…not him. “You shouldn’t even be here right now. What’s wrong with me?” He mumbles the last part to himself, but it comes out louder than he intends.

You stare wide-eyed at nothing, forehead against the door, breathing deeply as you do everything you can to not have a full-blown panic attack. The adrenaline is quickly running out. But you hear the rustle of blankets and sheets, and then you sense him getting closer. His fingers close around your shoulders, very cautiously, and he pulls you against his chest.

“I’m going to pick you up, okay? And then I’m going to take you to the bed. That's all."

If there’s something you can do to save yourself, you can’t seem to think of it, so you give in and let him put his arms around you. And he does exactly what he says—places you gently in the spot he prepared a moment ago, and then pulls the blankets over you. He moves back a little bit, and stares. The strong, sweet scent of him is all around you now, but you manage to keep your eyes closed and off of him.

“I’ll be right back, I’ll get you some water”

They remain closed until you hear the lock, the door, and then him locking it again from the outside. He won’t be gone long. You’re up and scanning the floor again, trying to remember if you had your phone in your pocket. No…you left it on the bar, right next to your empty glass. The balcony…you have no clue what you expect to find out here, but you go out and look left, and then right. And then 25 stories down. The closet. It's spacious and neat; tshirts, jackets, shoes. The black and white windbreaker he was wearing when you first met him briefly catches your eye, but you close it quietly and head for his bedside table. You heard him slide the drawer open and shut right before he walked out. Maybe there's something in there. “Oh…” The inside of it is neat and organized, just like everything else, so you get to see exactly what’s in there with one quick glance: a small knife, concealed in a black sheath, a few small syringes pre-filled with a milky liquid, handcuffs, nylon rope, a gag…"what the fuck"…lubrication, and several more condoms. “This can’t be happening.” A moment later, the lock clicks again, and without thinking, you grab the knife, quietly close the drawer, and climb back under the covers.

There's a bottle of water under his arm, and a mug in his hand. "I am going to drink some of this so you know I didn't put anything in it…and then I would like you to finish it," He takes a long sip before handing it to you, "The water bottle is unopened, don't worry."

Something is different about him. As soon as you woke up, something felt not quite the same. Even his voice, which was so serious, and a little bit solemn before, seems lighter and higher. You stare into the mug and take a deep breath, smelling the chamomile, the spearmint, and the orange. Seungmin finished nearly half of it.

"I'll take another drink," he holds his hand out for it.

"No…" you sip it very cautiously, and then take a longer drink. The taste and the warmth does help, and you finally take a full, deep breath. Seungmin rounds the bed as you sip, and you watch him carefully. If he opens that drawer again, he'll know you have the knife…and unlucky for you, that's exactly what he does. Maybe he heard you. Maybe he can just read it on you.

But he's quiet as he looks, and his expression doesn't change. He just closes it again and sits at the edge of the bed, naked back facing you. You find yourself admiring him again…his neck, his shoulders…stupid. He slides back and relaxes against the pillows, but he keeps a good distance. The bed is big enough for that.

"You have my knife?"

The way he asks isn't accusing. It isn't threatening. It isn't even rude. He asks as if it's just the next part of the conversation. When you don't answer, you see him nod his head from the corner of your eye.

"If it makes you feel safer, you can hold onto it. If you want to use it, I probably won't try to stop you."

"How long are you going to keep me locked in here?"

"I'm not going to let you go home alone in your state, not this late. You can leave in the morning."

"You're lying"

Seungmin sighs and turns on his side, and he looks at you—you look at him directly for the first time since coming back, but you're both silent. Just like his voice, his gaze is softer, and less intense. It’s also full of confusion, like he doesn’t know what to make of you; as if he’s wondering why you’re in his bed right now. His eyes start to close. At the same time, your eyes grow heavy, and it feels just like before. It feels like you can't possibly win against the sleep, and your thoughts wander as you drift; now you'll die, no more waking up.

The sun coming in through the balcony window warms the room. The light slices the bed right in half, and when you open your eyes, the first thing you see is his sleep tangled body—the legs of his sweatpants are pushed up almost to his knees, and his skin glows in the sunlight. He's sound asleep on his stomach for a few more moments, but then he mumbles something that you can't quite make out. A groan, but it's not a good groan. It isn't until right this second that you remember the situation you somehow ended up in. Locked in with him…whatever he is…a murderer? The drawer screams experience, and that experience screams serial killer, but last night didn't seem like an experienced killer. You suppose not every time can be perfect.

What are you even thinking? You pull the covers away and move to sit up, and it's then that you feel the knife, still tucked safely beneath the pillow. So Seungmin didn't sneak over as you slept to retrieve it, because you assume he actually did put something in your tea—something he himself also drank. Both of you fell asleep together, and now you have to wait for him to wake, and hope he meant what he said a few hours ago. No, you idiot. Where did he put the key? It's probably in the pocket of his sweatpants, so you move closer to him as carefully and as quietly as possible.

He doesn't stir. You stare down at his sleeping face as you slip your fingers into his pocket, and again, you admire him—the lips you never got to kiss, soft and pouty. His cheeks, his nose, all perfect and screaming to be touched. Seungmin must hear your thoughts, because his eyes open to you, and his hand clamps down on your wrist. Ice runs through your veins and your stomach drops, but instead of pulling away and retreating to the other side of the bed, you lean forward and press your lips to his, because…you don't know why. But Seungmin kisses back, and he means it—every nibble and lick, every soft moan coming from deep in his chest. You return the intensity, and something about his kiss feels good, but still…

“Oh…right,” Seungmin licks his lip and keeps his chin high, because he knows exactly how sharp his knife is. It grazes his throat, and your shaking hand doesn’t do much to relax him. “How could I forget?”

“Where’s the key?”

“I told you I’d let you leave, I meant it”

“Give me the key.” Now, of course, you can cry. Tears stream down your cheeks, and your hand shakes even more.

“Okay…okay,” he digs in the pocket you were going for, pulls out a leather keychain, and one gold key hangs from it. “Please don’t cry.”

You snatch it, but keep the knife against him until you’re too far away to reach. He doesn’t get up when you do. He doesn’t move when you grab the clothes you finally find on the floor, try the key, and sigh with relief when it works. It’s possible that he finally moves when the door shuts behind you, but you’re dressed and gone before you have a chance to find out.

Bout to lose my mind over this absolute maniac 😫

serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

WC: 12.7k

RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: sex, oral sex, brief suicide mention, strangulation, manipulation, death/murder

SYNOPSIS: you walk into Seungmin’s life, and disrupt everything

COMMENTS: yes, I changed my name! Formerly seungmoonandstars

˗ˋˏ♡ Thank you for the comments and likes and reblogs on part one. It means so much. This story, as it is right now (we still have a long way to go), has taken a lot of time, and it's really nice to feel that the time and energy I put into it is appreciated. Please consider reblogging/tagging if you like what you read! ˎˊ˗

And a very big thank you to @thackery-blinks for putting up with me and letting me bounce ideas off of her brain ♡

INTRO

PART ONE

Seungmin’s world goes quiet, calm…but it's only been a few hours, and he hasn’t yet left the cold emptiness of his bed. He hasn’t even attempted to crawl out of the hollow feeling he created for himself. The silence of the apartment feels different this time.

Inside of his head is a different story—you’ve upended him in more ways than one, and it may take a while to get himself back on two steady feet.

Nearly dying in his bed, coming back, being held, four hours, against your will…two out of three are new for him. And the sheer terror when he realized what he did, looking at your lifeless body—he hasn’t felt fear like that since he was a kid. There was no sense of relief, and there was certainly no quiet afterward. Right now, like last night, his mind is screaming at him, just not in the usual sense; he can’t figure out what you’ve done, because you’ve done nothing—you kept yourself at a distance, you enticed him (teased might be too unkind a word for you, he decides), and you didn’t deserve what little death you did have in his bed. Somehow, you’ve made yourself as much of a mystery as he’s tried to make himself, but he’s not as much of a mystery anymore...he gave too much of himself, and now he's going to pay for it.

You left your phone behind when you ran from him, not surprisingly, and later that afternoon, he somehow found the energy to leave the apartment. He walked to your building and left it with a note right outside your door. Whether or not you’re still there is unknown to him, but he wouldn’t be surprised if you were gone already—completely gone, on your way home, never to be seen by him again.

Seungmin knows the voice in charge will be returning soon, and he’ll fail if he doesn’t find some focus. He’ll really, truly fuck things up, and as much as he doesn’t want to blame you, it is you. He can’t think about you anymore; not today, not tonight.

/ / /

Showered and wrapped up tight in a blanket, you sit at your desk and stare at a blank computer screen. The email you started and stopped four times is sitting at a whole ten words, because you know you need to quit—you have to back out of this job and get back home. There’s no question about that. Nobody will believe what happened to you last night, so calling the police seems silly, and telling anyone else about it feels impossible right now. There is no proof of anything except that you went home with him, willingly. And you definitely can’t tell anyone you died, or at least stopped breathing, and came back during rough sex, because it’s stupid. It’s not believable. You’re still not entirely sure if it even happened. All you really know for certain is that you were outside yourself before finally taking that breath and seeing his face. You heard voices, but not his. You were in the dark, except for a few pinpricks of light. You felt your lungs fill up, once…twice…three times. And then you were back. You guess that’s what drowning feels like; the burning in your chest, the weightlessness, your brain misfiring and sending all the wrong signals to your eyes and ears and nerves.

It isn’t until later, after shutting your brain off and staring at the tv for hours, that you finally remember that you need to eat. You discover your phone right outside your door (should you be worried that he knows exactly where you live?). You knew that you left it on his bar, but you had no desire to try and retrieve it. It felt, and it still feels, like the least important thing in the world, but you’re relieved to have it back. Seungmin left a note taped to it, and you feel a little twinge of excitement (which you’re still trying to chalk up as leftover adrenaline...a little bit of curiosity) at what he could possibly have to say. That’s easy now, in the relative safety of your own apartment, so as soon as you can sit down with your dinner and a very strong drink, you rip it open and read.

You don’t get very far before something small and purple slips out onto your lap. It looks like a pressed flower. It is, and you know it’s heliotrope because it’s everywhere around your mother’s garden. The unmistakable fragrance is still a little obvious, even in its dried state. The addition might seem corny, but you don’t hate it—it’s an interesting choice of flower on his part. There are more inside the folded paper, and you let them fall onto you as you read…

Thank you for not throwing this in the trash.

I know I won't get to see you again, and typically, I wouldn't care or think much about my passing moments with strangers. Everyone is forgettable, and I can't figure out why you are not. I'm still very confused as I write out this letter. But I don't think I've been very forgettable for you, either, but I ruined that last night.

He’s cocky, and he knows he’s absolutely right about him not being forgettable.

You don’t have to see me again, but maybe we can talk, and I can explain myself a little better. You saw a piece of me that you shouldn’t have, in my bedroom…in my drawer, and I know it seems impossible to explain, and that’s because it is. But if you’ll let me, I’ll try.

The letter is signed with a cute, loopy S.

The dried flowers are scooped up and placed next to your untouched plate. Eating, you decide, should come first. After that, you can dwell unnecessarily on the words of your would-be killer. What else could you possibly do? You know how your brain works, and you know how you are when you're alone, and lonely.

However, you do read back through the few texts you exchanged. You also check yourself in the mirror—there’s a bruise beginning to bloom on your shoulder, and two scratches next to your mouth where he held. The soreness in your thighs brings the memory of him to the front of your mind, over and over, and it works backwards from there—Seungmin holding you, touching you; the look in his eyes from the other side of the bar. There was nothing outwardly threatening about him, just strange. Strange, quiet, a little bit awkward. How easily could your mind gloss over something much weirder when a man that beautiful gives you that kind of undivided attention?

Now your mind goes forward to his touch; his hand caressing your aching chest, his soft voice, like if he's not careful, his words might finish killing you. He spoke far too gently, and he kissed much too deeply and eagerly for you to forget. And you haven't exactly forgotten that he never hurt you, at least not after your little journey. Maybe he messed up his original plan, and then had to do damage control...but that makes no sense. Seungmin could've finished the job easily, anytime he wanted to. If he wanted to suffocate you, he'd have done it. If Seungmin wanted to kill you, you wouldn't be here right now.

More memories return to you, very slowly. Slow down? I’m hurting you? He was attentive during sex, initially, even if he was rough...so what happened? He did slow down, tried to make you more comfortable, and he succeeded. You begged him not to stop. You were loud. Seungmin was right there when you woke up, holding onto you. Stay awake...I'm sorry. The frazzled girl looking back at you in the mirror is almost unrecognizable right now. You can't get his face out of your mind; his voice, his kiss, his big black eyes that could swallow you whole. Please don't cry.

Was he convincing enough for a text? Should you call him? Are you really this fucked up right now? You know you're being stupid and irrational, so you decide to be a little bit smart and sleep on it; wait and see how you feel in the morning.

It doesn't help much. You dream about him; his eyes staring into you, through you, eating away at you again...just like when he had you beneath him. You reach out and sweep the hair from of his eyes, and your fingertips pick up the cold, clammy sweat from his forehead. He speaks, but you don't understand a word he says. He holds a dirt-streaked hand out to you, and with no hesitation, you take it, and then you're back in the warm, wet darkness. No voices this time, just muddy, squishy footfalls getting closer and closer.

When you wake, you're damp with sweat, and you've never felt so cold.

It's risky, but he forgoes the tea tonight, and his little white anxiety pill as well. He's almost out anyway, so he should try and save them until he can get more. It's a mistake, and he suspected that as he finally drifted off; there's been far too much on his mind in the last 24 hours to expect a dreamless sleep...

"appa?"

he hushes him. seungmin can feel a hand close softly around his mouth.

"where is—"

"quiet...get back inside, now"

he trips and falls as he runs, and his knee lands in the muddy ground. the effort it takes to get back up is too much, but a hand grabs the straps of his overalls and pulls...and then pushes, and he's in the mud again. rain starts to fall before he can make it to the porch, but as soon as he reaches the steps...

Out of breath, burning chest. The face of his father, and the wet hand covering his mouth, is still there. He can still feel it. The first thing he does is reach for a pill.

But as soon as he swallows it, his mind wanders back to you. Are you still in Seoul? You've had plenty of time to book a flight, repack, and leave. Seungmin wonders if you ever opened your door and found the note, if you even bothered to read it if you did, if you got the dried flowers he took from his music box just for you—the flowers he'll have to return home to get more of. A stupid addition, you probably thought. A desperate attempt at romance.

The phone buzzes under his pillow, and he knows it’s just his usual alarms and reminders. Today he has to get up, get dressed, and work. He has to get his mind back on track—he has to, there is no other way for him. There is nothing else, aside from prison, or ending things on his own. He pulls it out and looks at it with one eye open, flips on his back, and stares. Part of him hoped it would be more than his alarms, and he'd be staring at a new text message from you...an apathetic "okay, I guess we can talk". Seungmin is severely underestimating how much he scared you, though. You were convinced, and you're probably still pretty sure you were going to die in that room. Whether or not he's going to pursue this further is still a big question mark, but he doesn't usually deal in question marks. Everything is either black or white for Seungmin.

If he can't have you, he might just have to kill you.

/ / /

Repacking your things as fast as possible; booking a flight you can afford (work refused to comp you, once you quit with no notice); explaining, or making up a convincing enough story for you mother and sister about the change of plans, has been exhausting, so falling asleep is easy once your head hits the pillow.

seungmin's hand lays softly on your chest, just under your throat. you can feel your slow heartbeat bouncing off of him, you can smell the sweet scent of his room, but that's not where you are. you look up, and then around you...and you see the bedroom of a child, a little boy. there's sunlight coming in through the sheer curtained window, and you can see bushes of yellow and purple flowers poking up into view. he moves closer to you, and speaks quietly...

"i have to go...i have to go take care of things"

"what things?

"you know"

"don't go, please"

you look to him, and he forces a smile. his hand slides up and closes around your throat, but he doesn't squeeze. he moves closer and places a kiss beneath your ear...

This time you wake up slowly, and comfortably. Your hand jumps up to your throat as you work hard to remember every detail, every touch, every word. The dreams you have aren't usually this vivid, and now you've had them two nights in a row—two very different ones; a bad one...well, it could have been worse. You still remember how he looked at you, and the feeling of him under your fingertips; but it was cold and dark. This second one practically gave you butterflies. This dream version of you was in love.

Why is your mind torturing you like this? You come dangerously close to texting him, but all you end up doing is rereading the messages already sent between you.

Seungmin sits and watches right across the street from your building, for hours. He didn't know he had this much patience in him. If he would have done this yesterday morning, he may have had a chance to catch you and follow, but he decided to stay in bed. Still, he has trouble moving.

A few minutes later, it finally pays off. There you are, looking up and down the busy narrow street, arms folded tight over your chest. Seungmin isn't that far from you in this bakery, and if he walks out now, you'll see him, so he waits until you decide what to do. Seeing you right now is actually giving him a nervous stomach, and he hates it...you look uncomfortable, and tired, and sweet; it's difficult keeping his mind where it needs to be. It doesn't help that he hasn't thought of a plan beyond waiting for you to leave your apartment. Should he just follow you, and hope you don't see him and run? That won't work. If he can figure out where you're heading, he can get there first, and run into you like it was just a coincidence.

Before he can finish his plan, you're headed east, and you're walking fast. He just decides to follow as discreetly as possible, which is easy at this time of day, and it only takes ten or so minutes for him to figure out where you might be going. But there's no possible way you're going to his apartment building. You pass by the GS25 where you met each other, and keep going, but you don't make the left turn that would lead to his building. You keep straight, and eventually, Seungmin does figure it out. It's the park he mentioned frequenting, that's where you're going. This is perfect. Even if you're not here to look for him, you're going to find him, but that has to be why you're here. Texting or calling might have felt like too much. Accidently running into him...well, it was an accident. Maybe you won't feel like you're seeking out the man who almost killed you, or purposely bringing him back into your life.

You find an empty bench and sit, look at your phone, look up and around, back to your phone. Still uncomfortable, nervous, tired. Cold, maybe. You didn't dress as warmly as you probably should have. Seungmin tests his patience some more and waits, but you don't move. In fact, you're starting to remind him of himself, sitting and watching, waiting for his next kill. He takes his eyes off of you for a few minutes to get a coffee, and then he prepares to approach. But he's nervous again. He's not used to this feeling. He takes his time walking down the pathway, and when he knows you can see his legs in your downward gaze, he stops.

You look up and keep your face as emotionless as possible, but it's not enough. Seungmin can see your surprise, a little bit of fear, and maybe something else.

"Hi." He keeps his face as neutral as possible, too. "You look cold."

"I'm fine"

"What are you doing here all by yourself?"

"Uhm, I don't have any friends. And isn't this what you do? Sit here alone waiting to pick people off?" You cross your arms over your chest again, and scoot a little further away. "I mean...I'm assuming that's why you come here, if I put the pieces together properly."

"Yes, you're pretty perceptive. But why are you here?"

"Because I couldn't hit send"

"What couldn't you send?" He was right.

Seungmin hears you take in a deep breath and hold it, then slowly let it out in a big cloud of condensation. "I keep having dreams about you."

But he wasn't expecting that.

"Good ones I hope." So you haven't left his mind at all, even in your sleep. You don't reply. "I've been having the same old nightmares. A dream about you would be a nice change."

"One was pretty nice, yeah"

"Is it alright if I sit next to you?"

You nod, but Seungmin still takes his time taking those last few steps and sitting. Once he does, he offers you the hot coffee he's been holding onto, and to his surprise, you take it and sip it carefully. The letter he wrote promised some sort of explanation for what happened that night, and for the things you saw, but he wasn't expecting to have a chance at doing that. He hasn't thought of a single way to explain his drawer, or almost killing you.

“What’s in the syringes, the ones in your murder drawer?”

Murder drawer. Are you reading his mind, or is he just projecting onto you? He looks around, but nobody is close enough to hear the conversation. “A sedative, a light one…for emergencies. That's all.”

“You didn’t use one on me”

“Well, I had…” he stops, and thinks. What he almost says is I had control of the situation, but that doesn’t sound like what you want to hear. It’s also a very obvious lie. “The drug is not fun to come out of, and…what I put you through was bad enough.”

“So who do you use them on? And the knife?”

Seungmin doesn’t know how to answer this. He can’t explain how he picks his victims, because he doesn’t always understand his reasoning. “The ones I can’t control any other way. And I don’t use the knife very often.”

“It’s kind of obvious now that I’m talking to you, but thinking about it yesterday, and the night before…wondering if I was just over-reacting...”

“You’re not, you know what you saw, and you had every reason to be afraid of me”

“So you are…” you can’t finish the question. "This is what you do?"

“Yes”

“Why?”

“It’s hard to explain”

“Why didn’t you kill me?

“I haven’t figured that out yet”

“But you would, if you got another chance…if you had me alone right now, with no witnesses”

“No.” You look around, and Seungmin thinks you’re a little more relaxed now—as relaxed as someone could be in this situation. “I don’t think so.”

“You wanted to before, though. That’s why you spoke to me, and helped me get home.”

“Yeah, that was my original plan”

“I’m assuming you’ve done this before”

“Killed? Yes. Accidentally killed someone and brought them back in a panic? That one is new for me.”

“When’s the last time you did it…killed someone?”

It feels like a regular conversation now, regardless of the subject. Most of the tension is gone from your voice, and you stopped fidgeting with the coffee cup. You still look cold, though.

“The day we met”

Everything goes silent after that. Even the people around you become strangely quiet, as if everyone decided to listen in. Seungmin can see your mind working behind your eyes, but you’re not rushing to speak again. He slides out of his jacket and sets it over your shoulders, and you leave it there.

“Before, or after?”

“After”

“To make up for me?” You fold your legs up onto the bench and disappear into his jacket a little more, and Seungmin smirks.

“Sort of. That's why I was out that morning, things just didn’t go exactly as planned. I’m still glad you showed up, though.”

“Are you saying that because you think it’s what I wanna hear, or because it’s true? I don’t wanna turn you into a cliche, but are you capable of that much…well, liking someone enough to not kill them. I guess you are.”

“I like things. And I feel a lot, maybe too much sometimes.”

"Things?"

"Not people, typically"

"Sorry.” Why are you apologizing to him? Your assumption was a little bit hasty, and rude, but being a murderer is pretty rude, too. The look on his face is just that, though…full of emotion, full of sadness, and confusion. This is exactly how he looked at you that night before you both fell asleep, he just doesn’t know how to express it properly. Maybe he's just mimicking. “Uhm, did I actually die? What happened?”

“I’m not sure, but you weren’t breathing. I talked to you, slapped you…lightly, and panicked a little. After I panicked, I…” he sets his fingers on his lips, and tries to remember what it’s called in English. “…I blew air into your lungs.”

“Three times?”

Seungmin thinks for a second. “Yeah, three breaths…I kissed you after the third time.” Why did he tell you that?

“You kissed me? Why did you kiss me?”

You’re nothing but questions, and Seungmin is not used to getting interrogated like this. He wants to tell the truth, but he also needs to be careful and not scare you off, or be too truthful. It’s a little exhausting.

“I thought that might be my last chance while you were still warm.”

There’s another long silence. Too long. Maybe Seungmin said the wrong thing, even though it is the truth. He wonders if he should get up and leave you alone for a few minutes. But what if he comes back and you’re gone? Was the kiss that strange? Why is he assuming it was the kiss that’s making this awkward? Everything about this is strange for you.

“I think I felt your breath filling my lungs, but I was still somewhere else. Somewhere really dark, and wet. I could feel…outside air around me, it was so heavy."

“Completely dark, like the bedroom?”

“No, there was some light, like little streams of light coming in through holes punched into the walls, between the slats of wood. It was weird, and I remember it very vividly now that I’m talking about it.”

Seungmin doesn’t mention it feeling like his nightmares, but it does. And it can’t be, obviously. Just a coincidence. It was probably the darkness of his bedroom, and your eyes trying desperately to find something. “I’m sorry”

“Thank you for bringing me back”

“I’m glad I could. And I hope you don’t leave Seoul because of me.”

"There's nothing for me here." You quit your job, and you can't take that back. You booked a flight, and you packed up most of your things.

"When are you leaving?"

"Thursday"

“Do you have plans today?”

“Are asking me out?”

“You can tell me no, I won’t be surprised”

“No, I don’t have plans today"

“I just figured I’d take a shot while we were still here. I don’t expect a second chance. You really shouldn’t be involved with someone like me, and I shouldn’t be pulling someone into my fucked up life. But this is all new for me.”

“What is? A relationship? Friendship? An acquaintance?”

Seungmin nods, “all of those, and speaking openly—not lying about everything. That’s new, too.”

“Does that make me special?” You’re not sure if you’re being facetious, or if something inside of you wants to be the thing he needs to keep alive. A bad romance novel come to life. That’s why you’re here right now, obviously, because of every little gesture Seungmin has extended to you—everything aside from his complete loss of control. Being a murderer doesn’t mean he’s incapable of the truth, or sincerity. Right?

Seungmin smirks at the question, “Maybe.” He moves his hand closer to yours, but stops when you pull it away. "So why did you kiss me?"

Why did you kiss him? Because you needed to—because he's beautiful, and he was right there, sleepy face inches from yours. Because you've read too many bad romance novels. Because clearly, you're messed up, too, since you're even sitting here right now. And because, like him, you were sure it was your last chance. "I figured it made a good distraction."

"Oh...yeah, I guess it did"

"And I wanted to. I wanted to as soon as I saw you, but I forced myself to keep some distance. So maybe there was some fear of regret mixed with my fear of being murdered. How stupid is that?" You watch his mouth twitch as he tries to hold his smirk back. “I feel that a lot. Regret.”

“I don’t typically feel it...the regret, the remorse, and the empathy most people are used to. I guess that does make me a, uhm...what was that word?"

"Cliche?"

"Yeah. Sometimes I wish I could feel the regret, or a little bit of empathy. But lately, I think I have felt it a little."

“You feel regret? About what?”

"Fucking up what was very close to a good night. I didn’t even get to make you come."

Seungmin loves the blush slowly rising up your neck, and now, being out in public, he likes it even more. He meant it, the regret about not getting you off when he was eating you out, but it’s your blush, not the memory, that makes his cock twitch in his jeans.

“No, I guess you didn’t.” You close your palms over your warm cheeks for a moment, and stifle a laugh. He's actually making you laugh. Something about him really is messing you up.

"Let me make it up to you"

The dark blue of the room is calming. Everything is soft, and unusually warm. The smell is the same as you remember. It doesn’t feel strange being here again, like it should. Not uneasy, and not scary. Maybe there’s something wrong with you, too.

“Are you alright? I thought you left me.” Seungmin hangs onto the door jamb and clicks on another lamp. You can hear the relief in his voice.

/ / /

This new view of him is nice—on his knees, head down, lips marking your stocking covered thighs. He’s gentle, and probably nervous that he’s not being gentle enough. “Seungmin.”

He looks up, cheek still resting on your thighs, and you’re struck by how innocent he appears, how sweet and puppy-like his eyes are. You smile, and he gets back to work. His hands slide up and underneath your skirt, and down come the stockings, very slowly. Now he kisses your bare skin, and his warm, wet lips send a shiver through you. You can feel how soaked through your panties are as they pull away from your body. He seems to stop and admire them, just like last time, before tossing them to the side.

“Are you comfortable?” Seungmin pulls until you’re at the very edge of the cushion, sending the hem of your skirt up and out of his way. He doesn’t wait for an answer.

The entire ride back to his apartment, you were ready for him. The memory of last time, how good he felt, is still very real. It was excruciating, having him so close and not touching—keeping your cool, not letting him know just how badly you wanted him. But the elevator doors closed, and he backed you into the corner, held you softly by the neck, and kissed you. The entire ride up, 25 floors and luckily no interruptions, he kissed, pulling back occasionally to let you breathe.

You fall back against the couch, and let him know how good it feels to have him there. “Yes,” you sigh, whine his name, and he likes that. He gives a deep, satisfied groan as he sucks you between his lips, and he stays there, savoring the taste as it pours out. But he can’t keep himself from teasing, and he slows down when your moans become erratic, focuses on your entrance, spreads your lips apart and licks, a little selfishly. But it feels so good, and you taste so good. Seungmin can’t get enough, and as badly as he wants to make you come, he isn’t ready to stop yet. He needs as much as you can give, and has to hope you’ll stay with him and keep your legs open all night.

“Seungmin, please…I need it”

He looks up and runs his tongue slowly over every part of you before stopping at your clit—so sensitive, his warm breath is enough to set your hips in motion.

“I know,” he kisses, “I’m being greedy.” He kisses again, sucks hard, and his thumb slides gently over the rest of you, making your hips jump against his mouth. He does it again, gathering some arousal, and slowly circling your entrance before sliding it in.

You close your eyes and relax, let it wash over you. He doesn’t stop this time. It’s intense, slowly pulsing through every single nerve his lips are working on—“oh…god…fuck,” you roll your hips up, needing more, needing him. Every muscle relaxes, and you sink into the couch, but the waves of pleasure keep coming. You watch him work, softly flicking his tongue between your lips, so swollen and so hungry for him—his mouth, his hands. You need it again, his cock stretching you to your limit. Barely down from this high, and you can’t wait for the next one. After a few more slow, selfish licks, Seungmin gives his mouth a break, and breathes.

“Thank you,” you laugh, feeling a little delirious. The room spins above you, but you feel his hands push your knees together. This is definitely the first time you’ve thanked someone for making you come, but it seemed appropriate. “Is it my turn?” There are still memories from that night trickling in, and you get another when the question leaves your lips—the cocktail, and Seungmin’s comment that put everything in motion.

“Your turn?”

No, you don’t always go down easy…

“Oh,” smiling wide, eyes shining, dick threatening to escape his tight briefs as he rises. “But you don’t have to, if…” he looks down, then back at you, “if it’s uncomfortable.”

It’s intimidating to look at, but finally touching him, realizing how much of a handful he really is, “I don’t mind trying,” you pull the fabric until his head appears, and immediately close your mouth around his pre-cum soaked tip. “Or just…” you lick slowly, letting your tongue slide up and onto his stomach before going back to do it again.

“Take your time”

“Sit”

Seungmin listens, and frees himself a little more before hitting the couch. He knows what you want, and he watches as your mouth patiently explores him—you kiss and lick every inch as your hands stroke softly. You desperately want to make him feel good—return a little bit of what he just gave you. And Seungmin does let you know what he likes: everytime your tongue slides over his head, the deep moan from his chest soaks you again. “I want you.” Your heart races at the thought of it. It beats so hard you think you might pass out…again, this time on your own.

He rolls his hips and pushes himself in a little further, “I know you do, get down…on your back.”

You release him, a little reluctantly, but you let yourself fall backwards until you’re flat on the soft carpet. He follows, hovers, and eyes every inch of you before unzipping and discarding your skirt. “Are you alright?” The perceptiveness shouldn’t be that surprising to you, but the concern takes you back to that night. His voice feels far away, but it’s because of your heart pounding in your ears, you think. It’s not until now that you feel outside of yourself again. Why does he keep doing this to you? You’re weightless again, floating, watching everything happen in slow motion—slipping away.

“Hey, look at me,” he sets his palm just beneath your throat, but he quickly moves it down. “Can you hear me? Your heart feels like it’s about to explode.”

The sound of him pulling a blanket from the couch, and the feeling of it draping over your half naked body brings you back, just enough to open your eyes and find his worried face. “I can hear you.” A moment later, he’s gone. “Don’t go.”

“I’ll be back”

You sit up and look around, but vertigo hits and you shove your face into the blanket. The feeling of passing out is still threatening you, and it takes everything to keep it at bay.

“Here, drink some water. And if you’d like…” in his open palm is one tiny white pill, “but you don’t have to. They help with my panic attacks. And my nightmares.” Seungmin just stares softly, still worried.

“I’m okay.” An obvious lie—you’re still on the edge of a cliff, dizzy, and very much on the verge of throwing up. “Water is good.”

“You should lie down on the couch,” Seungmin doesn’t move, and he doesn’t touch you. Not yet. He assumes his touch is the reason why you’re fighting for your breath on his floor right now.

“Where’s your bathroom?”

“Right behind you”

/ / /

“Are you alright? I thought you left me.” Seungmin hangs onto the door jamb and clicks on another lamp. You can hear the relief in his voice, and you could hear the nervousness in it when he called out your name the first time.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just wanted to see the room again.” But you did check the front door, and found it unlocked. He also didn't hover when you shut yourself in the bathroom for ten minutes, because you managed to sneak into his bedroom when you finally emerged. It put you a little more at ease after the panic attack.

“We can stay in here, if you want. I can bring our drinks in.”

“No, just you”

“Just me?” He takes a few steps toward the bed. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sorry, I don't know what happened.”

Seungmin stops just short of where you’re sitting, “I do.“ He looks nervous—he is nervous. “This is probably a bad idea."

“I should leave?”

“No, no, I want you to stay, but I'm aware that I set off your panic attack. That was my fault."

It seems like he’s more empathetic than he realizes. Or maybe he’s faking. He is a killer, after all; a psychopath—one that gets his way by being handsome and charming, and right now might not be any different than his other seductions. Maybe he’s taking the long way around to get you where he wants you, and you’re stupid and blind enough to fall for it. “We could just enjoy each other’s company.” It’s a silly suggestion, and you realize that as it’s coming out of your mouth. “For now. If that’s not too much.”

He smirks. “Enjoy each other’s company?" He isn't exactly sure what you mean, but he wants to find out.

“Stupid idea?”

"Depends on what you mean by it. I don't typically enjoy anyone's company. I hate it, actually."

You know he's not trying to be funny, but something about him is accidentally humerous, and you assume it's because you're here with him right now...because he wanted you here, keeping him company. "That doesn't seem completely true."

The look on his face speaks volumes. You can tell he feels a little bit exposed, and a little bit confused. Seungmin turns to hide, his arms fold over his chest, and he takes a few steps toward the balcony. "I like sex. I have to deal with someones company if I'm going to get it."

"Is that why I'm here? You need to finish properly?"

"No"

"No? You made me come, but you haven't, have you? Did you finish when I was passed out?"

Seungmin doesn't answer.

"You've been far too patient with me, and it's weird"

"Weird?" Now he turns back to you, "...isanghan?" And takes a step toward you again. “Considering what sex tends to do to me, and considering I like it so much, you should be grateful for my patience."

“What exactly does it do to you?” One more step. Now you can reach out and touch him if you want. You don't.

“Mm, that’s when I do it, usually…after sex. At least when things go to plan.”

“Are you trying to scare me off again?”

Seungmin’s face doesn't change. “No, just trying my hand at more honesty, I guess.”

“When is the last time you had sex without killing the person afterward? Aside from me.”

The silence as he thinks stretches out far too long, and he sits at the edge of the bed, keeping some distance between you, “I don’t remember.”

You rise from your spot, and Seungmin probably assumes you need more distance from him, but that’s not the case. “We don’t have to talk about it.” He watches as you round the bed, pull at his pile of covers, and climb in.

/ / /

Seungmin just stares, tucked tightly under the covers, for most of the evening. He only moves closer when you reach out and brush the hair away from his forehead, run your fingers through it. He seems to relax under your touch. This kind of interaction with another person is definitely unusual for him, and with the attitude he gave earlier, you're surprised he's still sharing the space with you. Sleep comes easily, though, and hours later, you wake up. It’s not quite morning yet, but you can see sunlight trying to break through the curtain. Seungmin’s breath bounces steadily off of your neck, warm and pleasant. His leg is pushed between your thighs, moving a little in his sleep, and his arms are pulled tight against him, almost as if he’s hugging himself. Keeping your hands to yourself is a challenge, and it’s made even more difficult when he stirs a little—a soft, sleepy groan escapes him, and when your fingertips slide across his cheek, he sighs deeply, and settles again. In his sleep, he looks a little different; his face looks younger and softer, his brow isn’t furrowed, like it seems to be almost constantly, and his lips form into a perfect heart shaped pout. The real him, maybe.

As soon as you close your eyes, you’re gone, but it feels like only moments pass when you hear his faint moans, and a string of slurred words. He’s flat on his back, chin up, head pushed hard into the pillow, and the look on his face is his usual worried one. Your graze your knuckles against his cheek, but he doesn’t feel it. Whatever has him in his sleep is holding tightly.

"Seungmin?”

no, I won't help you

His words are clear now, but in Korean, so you don’t know what he’s saying.

please look at me

A tear is squeezed from the corner of his eye, and it trickles slowly across his temple. You wipe at it, and this time his eyes open. He catches his breath before looking around and remembering where he is, and why he’s not alone bed.

You reach for him again, but he turns away and stares absently at the wall. “Nightmares?”

Seungmin is quiet, but he nods.

“You were sleeping well when I woke up earlier, I hope it was enough.”

He remains still, head down, hands clenching and unclenching as he thinks, or clears his mind, or maybe he’s putting his nightmare back together in his head. Maybe he needs one of his pills. Would it be strange to treat him the way he treated you…gently, like you might shatter at the smallest touch? “Can I get you anything?” You whisper.

Silent still, but he shakes his head.

“Should I go?”

This time he turns and looks at you with sharp, sad eyes—a look brimming with the unspoken emotions trapped inside of his head. And he isn’t sure how to answer. Yes, you should probably leave, is Seungmin’s first thought, because he knows where this is going; the noises in his head are slowly returning, and getting to this point was difficult enough when his mind was quiet. “It’s coming back.”

“What is?”

Aside from the noise, the voices…the itch that doesn’t stop until it’s done, Seungmin doesn’t know how to put it into words. He’s never had to put it into words, now that he’s thinking about it, because why would he ever tell anyone? This is all he’s ever known, and sometimes he still forgets that most people (you, he assumes) can make up their own minds, and follow their own train of thought every single day. He doesn’t have that option. “Nothing, never mind. I just…need to wake up, I think”

Going out of his way to get to you again, and to see you, was a stupid mistake. Seungmin thinks the only option is you leaving and saving yourself from him. Why did he disrupt his perfectly comfortable, routine existence? Comfortable might be stretching it, but whatever he managed to create was working. There is nowhere that you fit into this, and he knows that. He hasn't forgotten...black or white. You’re here now, yes, but you haven’t seen the worst of him—nowhere near it. If you leave now and go back home, you’ll be spared the real Seungmin, and a possibly death by his hands. He needs that, because he still doesn’t want to hurt you.

“I need to find someone, and I need to do things right this time.” Seungmin forces himself to look at you, “so I can have some peace for a while.”

“Oh, okay...I think I understand”

“I need to be alone”

“So I won’t see you again,” you’re up out of the bed, adjusting your clothes, and heading toward the door.

“That’s probably for the best. You should pack up and go home.”

“I will”

“I’m sorry I fucked everything up, but if you leave, you’ll be happier, and safer”

“Safer from you?” Once again, you’re stuck in this room, only this time, it’s your own fault. The door is wide open, but you can’t move.

“Maybe”

“So you lied to get me here. Why didn’t you just kill me when you had the chance? You had several…you still have one more, I’m right here.”

“I don’t want to kill you, I want you to leave and never have to look at me again”

The step back is easier now, but the empty feeling creeping up your stomach and chest is making you sick. Your heart is pounding wildly again, but you don’t know if it’s panic, or anger, or something else. It seems like only a few hours ago you were struggling with the idea of communicating with him, and now he’s pushing you out. “Good luck with your—“ you stop and look at him. He isn’t looking back, “your work.”

The blank face staring up at him; the dead eyes, and blue-tinted lips, feels like a reflection of himself. His fingers remain laced around her neck, tangled in the shoulder-length hair and delicate silver necklaces. It was too much—the force he used this time; the crack, and the crunch of her trachea as it collapsed under his hands was unusual for him. It felt good, though, and it was exactly what he needed. But now he's more exhausted than he can ever remember feeling. Seungmin is careful as he loosens his grip, because the necklaces cut right into his skin as he squeezed. The imprints of his hands are still there, red and angry, and a slow trickle of blood starts to drip from her nose.

There won't be any sleep tonight. He has to dispose of this body now, and he has to do it well, because his perfect handprints, and the DNA all over her jewelry won't do him any favors if she's found.

He looks down at her and sees you for the briefest moment. There is no resemblance, at all, and that he did on purpose. Still, you continue to invade his every thought.

Thursday arrived and passed quietly. No message. Expecting one more goodbye from you was a little bit stupid. Seungmin started things, fucked them up, started them again, and then ripped the rug from beneath you...any normal person wouldn't want to deal with his shit anymore, even if he wasn't what he is. You should truly want nothing to do with him, and you’re now out of his reach. You’re safe. You found his gray area.

"Maybe I should burn you," he says out loud. Also not his usual MO, but he's done it before. Not sticking to the same kill, same demographic, same dumping ground, is one of the reasons he hasn't been caught. At least that's what he assumes. "Or maybe I should just leave you in the hallway so they can find me."

Seungmiiin

He jumps, but he knows he's hearing things. That doesn't keep him from listening.

Minnie...please be careful, you know how clumsy you are sometimes

It's not really there, but he knows where it's coming from. If he follows it, it'll lead to the same spot it always does.

I love you so much, and I want you to be happy

"Stop it." Seungmin shakes his head, as if that will wake him up and quiet things again. "Stop, I know...I will be careful. I promise."

You're so clever, and talented, and full of love...nobody can take that from you, not even him

"Okay..." Seungmin flexes his sore hands, and carefully removes himself from the body. He'll burn everything on this bed, too, he decides. The sheets, the blankets, the bedspread...maybe the pillows. "Did you hear that, too?" He looks to Daengmo, sitting perfectly on the bedside table, watchful as ever. "I know you did."

/ / /

Fourteen hours; that's how long he sleeps. When he wakes up, he has no idea where he is, or what day it is. He hardly remembers what happened in the last 24 hours, or that he spent longer than he ever has disposing of a body. Seungmin is in pain, though—his hands, his shoulders, back...hips. The moment he flips onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, he starts to recall what he did, and why he's so sore, but he immediately starts to doze again. Fourteen hours wasn't enough.

He forces his eyes back open and picks up his phone; almost 9:30. "Did you really leave?" He says, and pulls up Thursday's flights from Seoul back to North America. Seungmin has no idea where you're from, or where you were headed, but he looks anyway.

"Air Canada...to Toronto, cancelled. Korean Air, to New York, arrived on time, to Chicago...delayed four hours.”

Why is he dwelling on this? His mind is finally clear for nothing but his own thoughts, and his own thoughts go right to you.

That’s a stupid idea, he thinks, and looks around, "isn’t it?" His eyes fall to his stuffed dog, still sitting quietly on the table. "Is it? She’s either there, or she’s not." Eyes back to the ceiling, "you liked her, didn’t you?"

The streets are still busy and loud, even at this hour, in this cold, but Seungmin feels good. Black coffee and a few painkillers perked him up, and the sharpness of his mind is doing wonders for his mood. It wasn’t until he finally crawled out of bed that it hit him; the last few weeks have actually been a nightmare, mentally. It was the worst rut he’s been in for a long time. He hasn’t quite been himself.

But he’s out of it now, finally. For a while.

He stands in front of your apartment building, and waits. It takes a few minutes before the crowd dwindles enough, but as soon as it does, he goes for the door, and it’s open. No buzz-in needed. Three floors up, he remembers (but there are only four floors anyway), three doors down, on the right. The hallway is deserted, and so quiet that it actually unnerves him a little—it almost makes him turn around. Seungmin stands there, and waits, listens. Still quiet. Your apartment isn’t your apartment anymore, he knows that, but he rings the doorbell anyway. He can hear it echo through your deserted living room.

Nothing. Seungmin knew you were gone. He digs in his coat pocket and pulls out the lock picking set he wasn’t sure he would even need, and he still doesn’t know why he’s using it. Maybe you left something behind. He works on the deadbolt for a few seconds, but even taking his time, and working quietly, he hears the click. The doorknob is next, and that one is even easier. Inside, the scent of your perfume, or shampoo…whatever it was, still lingers—a sweet, deep floral scent Seungmin can’t quite place. He shuts the door behind him, and breaths deep. It’s empty inside, and dark. No boxes, or clothes; just the couch, the armchair, the coffee maker. All the things that were here before you. Still, he walks around and looks, doing his best to keep quiet, and doing his best to adjust to the dark. His eyes don’t do well with no light, even with his glasses.

A creak stops him in his tracks and puts him on edge…gets his heart pumping, and he stays there frozen, ears perked. He likes this type of adrenaline rush.

“Seungm—“

It’s only a whisper, but he knows it’s behind him. The faint outline is human, but that’s all he can make out. As soon as his hand finds something to grab, it grabs, and pushes, hard, and their back finds the wall. The sound is so loud in the silence, and the neck he’s gripping is so small and soft…

“Ss…stop”

His eyes adjust, and he can see more clearly as he stares into your terrified face. They drop to his hand still wrapped tight around your neck. Seungmin’s body goes numb.

“It’s me, please”

“Fuck…I’m—” his grip finally relaxes and frees you, but he grabs your arms as your knees give out, “I thought you left,” he whispers to himself, and holds you up. “You’re still here.”

“Yeah, I’m here”

"Are you okay?”

“Let go,” you push him away, and finish falling to your knees. “Don’t touch me.” A panic attack is forcing its way in, and you can’t get enough air. This can’t be happening again—this shitty astral projection. Every time he’s around you, something bad happens. Why didn't you just stay at the airport?

Seungmin’s hand runs slowly across your back, “you scared me."

“Why are you here?” You shake his hand away from you again, but he doesn't take it off.

“I could ask you the same thing. I rang the doorbell before I broke in.”

“I figured it was a drunk neighbor”

“Look at me, let me see your neck”

You lift your head for him, but he doesn’t look at your neck. One hand cups your cheek, and the other moves the loose hair from your eyes. He looks at you, stares so hard it makes your stomach hurt, but you can't look away. "You didn't leave."

"No"

"Why didn't you leave?"

"My flight got cancelled, three times. I got tired and begged my landlord for a few more days." It's catching up to you; the exhaustion, and the stress, and you start to feel tears brimming. You really don't want to cry right now, though. Your brain always chooses the worst times to do it. "They lost my luggage, or someone stole it, I don't know...I don't have anything."

"Nothing?"

"Just what I have in my bag"

Something he can fix, that's the only thing running through his mind now. Seungmin is useless, and he knows that—the world wouldn’t change at all if he was suddenly gone. He takes and takes, and he never gives. He doesn’t fix things.

“Why are you here, Seungmin?”

Why is he here? He thinks you probably know why he’s here, because you’ve proven yourself to be very perceptive. But you’re also upset. You’ve been here with nothing, Seungmin assumes, since at least Thursday; two nights, three if you count tonight.

“I, uhm,” he can answer two different ways, or he can lie. “I thought you might have left something behind, so I didn’t think it would hurt to check.”

“Left something behind…like what?”

Maybe a letter, like he wrote for you. An article of clothing, or a piece of jewelry. Something tangible he could hold onto. “I needed to know if you really left”

“Keep telling me the truth”

Seungmin’s heart thumps in his chest, and in his head, “okay.”

“Do you want me leave?”

“No”

“Why?”

“I don’t know…” he watches as you stand and head toward the bedroom, “wait, wait.”

“I’m tired”

“Come back with me”

Finally, he gets it out. His heart still thumps, and it shakes his whole body, but he did it, he spit the words out. He isn’t ready for the let down.

“You sent me away, didn’t want me to look at you again.” He stares blankly, avoiding you completely. “You told me I’d be safer away from you.”

“And it might still be true.” Seungmin shakes his head, like he’s trying to clear more voices out of it. "But..."

“Okay”

/ / /

The only possession you have left, your backpack—not even completely full, hangs on Seungmin’s shoulder as he works on his locks. Four of them, two different keys, plus one digital lock; you’d think he had something to hide in here. “Sorry, this one always sticks.” He gives you a half smile. His demeanor changed drastically after your okay.

“It’s alright”

“You can shower, if you’d like. Are you hungry?”

Yes, you’re starving. You still have money, but you were preparing for a hotel bill come tomorrow morning. Canceling is an option now, you suppose, but you’re hesitant to do it. “I am.”

“What are you in the mood for? Unless you’d rather sleep first, maybe you’re more tired than hungry. A bath might be nice, though. Maybe—”

“How about I shower while you…make something, or order it?”

“I can cook”

/ / /

The last time you used this bathroom, you were mid-panic attack. Now you’re comfortable in the tub Seungmin insisted you soak in, and you’re very glad he did. You watched him pick out his favorite bath salts so you could try them—he filled the tub, poured them in, and made sure you approved before leaving you…”take your time.” He gave you his full smile this time, but it was a little hesitant.

This is the most relaxed you’ve been in weeks, and you hate thinking it now, but Seungmin has given you nothing but terror, anxiety, anger, and overwhelming emptiness. It’s been a struggle finding anything positive in your short time in Korea, and it’s because of him. Leaving was supposed to fix this, but you couldn’t do it. A cancelled flight was nothing, but a second cancelled flight felt like a sign. After the third one, you gave up on rebooking, but you had no clue what your plan was from there.

Ten minutes into your bath, he knocks softly before cracking the door, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make anything too spicy unless I asked”

“No spice”

The door closes softly, and you can’t hold back a stupid grin. He’s out of his element right now, again, and you wonder if he’s ever cooked for anyone before; a date, if that’s what you can still call yourself; a friend, an acquaintance. No, you know he hasn't; Seungmin doesn't like company. You’re messing him up, just like he’s messing you up.

/ / /

Seungmin can cook, he’s just not very good at it. He’s hoping you’re hungry enough not to care. Focusing on the food in front of him is difficult, though, when your half-unzipped backpack is right there on the couch. There isn’t much in it, but there is something in there; your most important things, probably—the only things you felt the need to keep with you for the long trip home. He can’t help it, he has to look. It’s not even close to the worst he’s done to you already.

A phone charger, earbuds, a jewelry case. Seungmin opens that, but there’s not much inside: two small silver rings, a necklace with a medallion hanging from it. He recognizes it right away, because his mother had the same one in her jewelry box; St. Michael, vanquishing the devil.

He digs a little further. A pill case, a sweatshirt…he pushes that aside and wraps his fingers around a tightly folded piece of paper, and he recognizes it as soon as he pulls it out. He barely unfolds it before a familiar dried flower slips out and onto the floor, and then another.

“Be careful with those”

Seungmin jumps, but doesn’t drop anymore, “sorry,” and he bends to pick them up.

“So you’re a murderer, and a snoop”

“Snoop? Like the little dog?”

“Yeah, like the beagle. Did you find anything good?”

“I thought you would’ve thrown this away.” He gently opens one side and slides the flowers back inside. “I mean, I’m not usually this—”

“Nosy?”

“I was going to say rude”

“Nowhere near the worst thing you’ve done, it’s okay”

Right. Not even close. “Oh, let me get you something to wear,” he says, but he takes an extra few moments to scan over every part of you, tightly wrapped in his towel. “A shirt, and maybe something else of mine will fit.”

You follow him into the bedroom, and his curtain is pulled back as far as it goes. The view is nicer now than it was when you stood there during the day, and much nicer than it was when you ran out in a panic, looking for an exit. Seungmin is on his knees, rifling through the bottom dresser drawer, and he’s a nicer view, too. You still think you should hate him, and you do, a little bit, but the longer you’re near him, the easier it becomes.

“Here, try this,” he holds up a black t-shirt, a little faded, and definitely big, even for him. “It’s comfortable.”

“Did you dye your hair?” The way the light hits it in here, it looks darker.

He hands you the shirt, and watches carefully as you pull it over your head. “I did, it just didn’t take very well.” The towel doesn’t shake loose until the hem falls below your hips, and he's a little disappointed. Still, he looks for whatever shape he can find under all the fabric. His eyes move down your legs, and back up slowly, stopping when he gets to your thighs.

“The glasses suit you, I like them”

“You do?” He lights up a little at the compliment, and smiles when you nod. “My shirt suits you.”

Seungmin hopes, he really hopes…he’s not sure where you’re at right now, as far as trusting him, and feeling comfortable…but he hopes you won’t take a step back when he takes one toward you, or when he reaches his hand out to touch your shirt sleeve. And then, very cautiously, your arm. Goosebumps jump up on your skin when he runs his thumb down to your elbow, but you don’t shy away. “You’re hungry…we should eat.”

“We should,” you move forward, and pull him down until you can almost reach his lips. “What did you make?”

Are you teasing him on purpose? “Spam fried rice…and eggs. I'm sure I have something sweet, if you’re in the mood.”

“That sounds good, yeah.” He’s pulled a little closer, but your lips land on the apple of his warm cheek, “sex is supposed to be better after you eat.”

/ / /

“Did we enjoy each other’s company?” Seungmin smiles to himself as he pours you more tea.

“You certainly did, considering how wrapped up in me you were that morning”

His face drops a little, “I was?”

Wrapped up is a little exaggerated, but you do tell him exactly how you woke up to him, and he blushes. “I can be a little noisy in my sleep, sorry.”

“And I was on your side of the bed, so maybe you were just migrating back to it”

He laughs, and getting that out of him feels like an accomplishment you didn’t know you needed. This version of Seungmin looks, and feels, different than any other you’ve met, but there are bits and pieces of each one still hanging on. The worry still sits in his eyes, but it’s subtle—every time he looks into yours, you can hear him wondering when you’ll leave again. He’s still nervous, just a little on edge, as if whatever he’s doing is wrong, or just not completely correct. When he asked how the food was, you told him the truth; it was perfect, and exactly what you needed, but you also told him, jokingly, that his onion chopping needed some work. He seemed to take it to heart, so it took some convincing to get his mind off of it. And whatever feelings come back when it’s time—the thing that sits on his shoulder, always seems to be there in some small way. Maybe it’s just the memory of it.

But he’s different. Seungmin did what he needed to do to feel normal for a while, and you see it. He looks at you easily, with much less intensity, and laughs a little bit louder. This must be the real Seungmin.

“I’m much more comfortable here,” Seungmin sits and hands you a mug, “and warmer.” Because you asked him to turn up the heat, and he apologized several times for not doing it sooner. “Thank you for having me again. Don’t make me regret it.”

He tilts his head to the side, and raises his eyebrows. You think you see a smile trying to tug at his lips, but he keeps it to himself, “no, I don’t want to do that. But I have a question.”

“Go ahead”

“Do you think being on top would make you more comfortable?”

“On top?” You stare at him blankly for a few beats, sip your tea. “Oh, on top. Of you. Maybe.” You keep your face neutral. He looks a little dejected, but when your eyes wander down, you can see how fast he’s getting hard, and a wave of pleasure runs all the way through you. “Won’t hurt to try.”

That’s all he needs to hear. Seungmin goes right for your waist and pulls you to your feet, “if you need me to stop…” he waits for your nod before leading you back to the bedroom.

“You changed your bedspread, you changed everything…well, almost everything.” Seungmin sees your gaze land on Daengmo. “Tell me about him later?”

He nods, sits comfortably and unbuttons his jeans, unzips them carefully, and groans when he can get them away from his erection. His sweatshirt is next, and when he gets it over his head and tosses it aside, you’re half kneeling on the bed, hem of your tshirt clenched in your fist. Seungmin laughs, and then pats his bare thigh, “right here.”

You listen, and carefully straddle him. “Oh,” you jump when his dick, still confined to his briefs, rubs against your aching clit. “Don’t tease,” you reach down and pull at the fabric.

“Not tonight,” he finishes freeing himself and rubs his head over your wet, silky entrance. “No teasing.” The groan he makes comes out so deep, and so needy, “are you ready? You feel ready.”

Two fingers slide down and up, disappearing deep inside of you, and the pressure he gives makes you whine. His free hand gently squeezes your hip, holds you still—the other slides out, “mm, yeah…so wet for me.” Before he does anything else, he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks them clean, “I’m all yours…” and lies back on the pillow.

You’re not sure you can get him in like this, but you take him in your hand and spread yourself open, slide your knees further and further apart so there’s nowhere else to go but in. The pressure is intense, but you know how wet you are, and how wet he’s still making you as you look at his calm, smirking face.

“Yeah, that’s good,” his hips jump, but he keeps himself under control. He wants you doing all the work right now. “A little more, I know you can take it all,” he moans when you stop and pull yourself up, and then slowly slide back down, “fuck.”

Back down, little by little, and the stretch hurts until you start to move up and down, gently, working your thighs to the point of burning. But you want to take him all. You’re still all here, no panic, no overwhelming memory of what happened before. Seungmin is so content just lying there watching you, and you want this now. All of it. You slow down and relax before setting both palms against his stomach. He flexes, and you feel every muscle hold you steady; you feel his hips twitch as you take another inch…and then another. And one more, all of him, stretching you to your limit.

“Good?”

“Good,” you roll your hips and stretch yourself even more, “so good.”

Seungmin wets his thumb on his tongue and finds your clit, teases it as you start to bounce again, “fuck,” his free hand slides over yours, “fuck, I might get there first…you feel so good,” he whines and moves faster, rubbing in tight little circles as you lose yourself and start to fuck him harder.

It hurts, in the best way—you can’t stop, and you can’t slow down until you come His heavy eyes and parted lips, tongue just barely poking out of the corner of his mouth…slowly licking across his teeth, is getting you there fast. His smile grows as you stare, and he moans again, just for you, “you feel so fucking good,” he whispers, and his exaggerated whine sends you over the edge. It starts building, fast, and you need to touch more of him. Your palm slides up to his chest, over his hard nipple, and back down his side. It tickles him, you can tell, but he doesn’t miss a beat rubbing your orgasm out of you.

You move faster, fuck him harder, and let the feeling overtake you. Seungmin keeps going, and his hips start moving now, thrusting up into you with enough force to knock the air out of your lungs, but it doesn’t phase you this time.

Seungmin is loud when he comes. The bed shakes, and your body screams at you. He grips you tight, fingernails digging deep into your hips. The mess of cum starts running down your thighs and onto him. When he finally slows down, it’s because he’s out of breath, but his hips continue to move, softly, in and out.

/ / /

It was fast, but you’re exhausted. Racing heart, burning hips, and mess working its way out between your legs—you lay yourself onto the pillow and look to him. He’s still flat on his back, hands splayed across him, fingers moving against his tight stomach. His mouth is slightly parted as he catches his breath, and his eyes are closed. You take a second and try to read his mind.

But you can’t figure it out. You can’t begin to guess…you only hope he’s having good thoughts.

“Hm?” Seungmin looks at you, eyes mostly open, “did you say my name?”

“No, just looking at you”

Again, his eyes close, and you hear a quiet, exasperated what? come from him.

“What’s wrong? Seungmin?”

His hands move to cover his face, and he keeps them there as he mumbles a little to himself. You catch a word here and there, but you can't make anything of it until he finally uncovers his mouth...

"You shouldn't be here...you shouldn't be here right now"

Not again. He can't be doing this to you again, not after the trouble he just went through getting you here. "What do you mean?" Your heart is still pounding from the sex, and now it's mixing with the sick feeling in your stomach. "Seungmin?"

"What?" He sounds irritated. He looks irritated.

"You want me to...no, you don't, do you?" You sit up and pull the blankets up to your chin. The slow, uncomfortable feeling of his cum dripping out of you is making this so much worse. "No, you can't." The last part you whisper, because you don't know if you want him to hear. Your throat tightens, and your eyes water, and you think you feel him staring, but when you check, he's not.

Seungmin's eyes are closed, and his jaw is clenched tight. "Please, just leave me alone right now."

It was stupid to expect him to just be okay, but he was okay. He was himself when he brought you back, and when he made you a bath. When he cooked for you. It also seemed stupid to expect yourself to be okay, but you were, and still are. Sort of. You decide to just stop talking, tuck yourself deep into the covers, and wait for whatever this is to pass. Leaving isn't really an option for you anymore. You don't want to leave.

/ / /

A hard kick straight to your shin wakes you from your sleep. You were in deep, dreaming like before, only this time Seungmin wasn’t there. The darkness, the cold wet ground, the sound of footsteps in the mud…that was all still there—loud, desperate cries from a child, barely audible, but that sound sticks with you even after waking up. It rings in your head as the spot just below your knee throbs in pain.

“Seungmin," a gentle shake of his shoulder brings him out of his sleep, and his face relaxes almost immediately when he realizes he’s in his bed. “You didn't wanna be in that dream anymore, did you?”

He takes a few deep breaths before sitting up and rubbing at his cheeks, “was I talking?” And then he moves his hands to just below his eyes, as if he's feeling for tears, “or—”

“No, you kicked me. And you looked very unhappy.”

“Kicked you?” Seungmin folds his legs up to his chest, and he looks like a kid. A very tired, very confused kid. “Hard?”

“Hard enough, but I’m fine”

“I’m sorry”

Reading him is difficult, maybe because you’re still tired. Last night feels like it couldn’t have happened—all of it; Seungmin coming to find you, bringing you home with him…what that came after. Everything feels like a fever dream you’ve been floating through, half awake. “No, it’s okay. I was in the middle of a dream, too. Being awake is better.”

“Were you comfortable, did you sleep well?" He’s looking at your legs as they move around under the blankets, “let me see.”

“I’m okay, I promise." He clearly doesn't remember.

Seungmin nods, but pulls at the blankets anyway. He keeps pulling and reaching until you finally give in and show him your leg. “Thank you,” he touches the red spot, and the slightly broken skin.

“Do you remember last night?” You ask, and he doesn’t move, but his gaze does. “After, I mean.”

Yes, he remembers laying next to you, and trying not to doze off too fast—still so tired after so much sleep. He lost that battle, though. “Yeah, I fell asleep. I should have stayed awake with you.”

“You don’t remember talking to me before that?”

He shakes his head, and sets his warm hand over the sore spot. If he doesn't remember it, then maybe it doesn't matter. "What did I say?"

You watch his face as you speak, "uhm, you told me I shouldn't be here. And you asked me to leave you alone."

There is no change in his face, so you suspect he isn't very surprised by what he said. His hand slides down your shin, to your ankle, and then back up...very slowly. It's gentle and sweet, but something about it is unnerving at the same time. That doesn't stop a chill from running up your body, and goosebumps to run up your arms. His warm hands feel good, and when he squeezes your thigh, you have to stifle a moan.

"Don't believe everything I say"

The softness of his voice, and another squeeze of his hand almost distracts you from what he tells you. "How do I know what to believe?" You pull yourself back a little, but Seungmin's grip on your thigh tightens. "How do I know when you're telling me the truth?"

"I didn't mean that last night"

"You sounded like you meant it"

"I didn't, I promise." He pulls you closer, "look at me." He waits until you do, but whatever he's trying to say hasn't come together in his head yet. Seungmin is feeling very overwhelmed, very suddenly, and he wants to scream. He wants to squeeze your thigh until his nails dig in deep enough to break the skin. "I don't know how to make you believe me."

"Please, let go"

He looks down at the hold he has on you, and it's too much, just not quite enough to make you bleed. His grip loosens, and the mark left behind is red and angry.

"I need to go clean up"

/ / /

The strong smell of coffee comes through the bathroom door, so you know he's up, and probably out there waiting. You check the marks on your thigh. It stings, and you can see the perfect crescent shaped indentations he left behind. It could be much worse—the cool washcloth takes away most of the pain. You rinse it under warm water and clean up the mess you should've taken care of last night; the mess you really shouldn't have made at all. But you try not to think about it. You try not to think about what he just outright told you about himself. And this hold he has on you—it's not the best idea, but you shove that down for now, too.

You crack the door and peek out, take in the smell of the coffee, and head for the kitchen. Sitting on the counter is a mug, already filled, two pieces of warm toast, and a jar of plum jam.

But Seungmin isn’t here.

Cold air hits you where you’re standing, and you follow it back to his bedroom—to the slowly moving curtains covering the sliding door of the balcony. The bed is empty and made, and there’s a fresh tshirt and pair of sweatpants sitting at the corner. You’ll have to assume they’re for you, and you're thankful for them. It's freezing in here again. You change before returning to the curtains, and very carefully, very quietly, pull them aside just enough to look out.

Seungmin is sitting cross-legged on the ground, hands neatly in his lap. He’s leaning a little, so his head is resting on the wall closest to him. You know he must be cold, because he’s only in the tshirt and shorts he wore to bed, and you also know he’s out there because he wants, or needs to be alone. So you leave him alone. You return to your coffee and the breakfast he made, and you wait.

serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

WC: 14.4k

RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: angst, murder, blood, very brief m/m, bodily penance/self-harm, medication, sex, more blood

SYNOPSIS: you walk into Seungmin’s life, and disrupt everything (part 3/?)

thank you again to @thackery-blinks, and also this song

˗ˋˏ♡ please reblog/tag if you enjoy, and help my work reach a wider audience. thank you friends!

INTRO

PART ONE

PART TWO

After the second cup of coffee, you start to pay more attention to the time. It feels like an hour has passed, at least, but you can’t be sure, because you have no idea what time it was when the two of you woke up this morning. It’s even colder now, and the draft continues to blow in—that’s how you know he’s still out there. Doing what, though? Being alone, yes…meditating? Punishing himself?

You fill a third cup of coffee and decide to let fifteen more minutes pass before checking on him. You could just get up and go now, but it doesn't feel like your place to question his actions. This is really none of your business. Should you make it your business?

His back is straight, his head is down…you can see the steady puffs of condensation leave his nose. The blanket you pulled from the couch is rolled up under your arm when you push the curtain aside and walk out onto the balcony. It’s even colder than you imagined, now that the walls of his bedroom are gone.

How could he have been out here for so long? Seungmin isn’t made of much; he’s thin. Tall and broad, yes, but thin. And though his body has been warm and comfortable when you’ve been close to him, he can’t possibly keep that warmth in him right now. He doesn’t seem to hear you approach, or kneel at his side. You unfold the flannel blanket, the same one he gave you before, and carefully wrap it around his shoulders, up to his neck. Now he moves a little, and when you rub your hand over his back and shoulders, he opens his eyes and looks at you.

“Why are you out here?”

“Why are you?”

“Come back inside, please”

“Are you sure?” He grabs the blanket and pulls it around him.

“Yes, of course, I’m sure”

He nods, but he doesn’t move yet. Maybe he needs to find some energy first—there’s no way he has any left now. His legs look lifeless and pale, but they still work when he gets his feet flat on the ground. You follow him as he rises, hold his arm, and you’re surprised that he lets you guide him back inside.

He starts toward the door.

“No, you should get back into bed”

“I need some coffee.” His voice is so small, and weak.

“I’ll bring you some”

Seungmin stops, and stands there for a few seconds.

“Please”

When you return, he’s halfway under his covers with the blanket still wrapped around him.

“If you still want to be alone, I won’t stay in here”

“You can stay”

“Okay…” you climb onto the bed, find a spot in the middle, close to him, but not too close, and watch him as he quietly shivers. His cheeks and ears are red and chapped from the wind, and his usually pouty pink lips are pale and barely there against his colorless face. “Get all the way under the covers.” You reach a hand out to touch his neck, and he jumps.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you before”

“I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me”

“I didn’t?” He reaches out and lifts your shirt, and the marks look even more apparent. A few bruises are already starting to bloom where his fingers pressed. “I did.”

“Lie down, you’re still shivering.” His hand is like ice when you grab it, but he shakes free and sets it flat across the bruises. It feels so good, but you try not to make your content sigh too obvious. “Okay, okay…lie down.”

Seungmin listens this time, and you decide to take a chance and move closer. You still don’t know why he was out there, or why he was torturing himself, but maybe he’ll allow you to wrap an arm around him and pull him even closer. His body is so cold, you’re not sure you have enough heat in you to help, but you’re going to try. You’re not sure why, but you know he would do the same for you.

/ / /

Wrapped up…that’s really the only way to describe him this time. Seungmin’s long limbs are all over you, holding tightly. The look on his sleeping face, at least what you can see squeezed against him, is the most content you’ve ever seen it. He’s sleeping like a puppy curled up in a heated blanket. And that’s exactly how you feel—warm, damp with sweat. Too warm. Seungmin’s heat returned, and then some. His cheek feels like a radiator when you touch it.

“I’m so tired,” he mumbles, moves around a little, then settles again. “Why am I so tired?”

“Because you sat outside for hours and it’s -2 degrees”

His eyes pop open like he’s wondering why someone is in his bed, answering him. He lets go, pushes himself back, and examines you.

“Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

Well, maybe he’s not all there yet. It doesn’t matter. Something about being in bed with him like this again blurs everything. You’re comfortable and warm here, and this is all that’s mattered. You should probably check your messages, your email, your bank account…something—your family might actually be worried enough to send money. It doesn’t matter, though. You don’t plan on going anywhere right now.

“I need to shower, and go out…what time is it?”

“Go out? Why do you have to go out?”

“I have to find…” Seungmin stops and looks at you again. “Someone.”

“Already?”

“Yes”

When did he do this last? Did he do it recently? The last time you asked him, it was in the park, and he told you he killed someone the day you met. After you met, because he didn’t kill you. You can’t even remember how long ago that was, so you close your eyes and think…two weeks, and—

“It’s been two days,” he says.

Oh, it was recent. You find yourself looking around the room as if you missed some clue about his recent activities. Is that why the bedding is all new? Did he do it right here on this bed? “Two days?”

He rises slowly. The arm that’s still draped over your hip slides away, and he stumbles a little as he gets to his feet. “Yeah, on Friday. After I thought you left.” And he’s gone without another word.

You hear him in the shower—he’s in there for a very long time, and when he finally comes out, a cloud of steam follows him. He’s still dripping wet, and his hair is slicked back so tight, he almost looks like a different person. And he’s completely naked. No towel wrapped around his waist, no shorts, just wet skin glowing in the sunlight. Seungmin makes himself more coffee, an iced one this time, and doesn’t say a word as he sips and looks absently at his phone.

He takes his coffee to the bedroom, and he comes back out a few minutes later, partially dressed. All you can do is watch, nervously, as he approaches where you sit at the corner of the couch. Why are you so nervous? Seungmin isn’t even looking at you— he’s staring at the floor, and then at whatever small thing he has in his hand. He holds it out and waits for you to take it before speaking.

“Get whatever you need, or whatever you want…both,” he says softly—practically whispers it. “Max it out, I don’t care.”

If you didn’t assume he planned on doing this since last night, you’d think it was his indirect way of apologizing. Seungmin clearly has money to throw at things to make them go away, or to bring them closer to him. You’re not sure which of those he wants from you right now.

This was your first time shopping in Seoul, and it was overwhelming being on your own in the crowds, but you have to admit it had its moments of calm, and even a few moments of joy—particularly when you found a dress very similar to one that you lost, and especially when you stumbled upon something that reminded you of Seungmin. It seemed silly to bet, but it seemed still to pass up, too, and you haven’t decided yet if you’ll give it to him. But you have it just in case. Maybe he’ll be in a better mood after a few more hours of solitude. Maybe he won’t be as bad as you think he’ll be at accepting gifts.

The apartment is dark, and very quiet when you return. Seungmin gave you a copy of both keys, and the code to the final lock—being trusted with that did feel good, and it made your morning a little better after his standoffish attitude. It does make it feel like last night's comments probably weren’t the truth, but you still have to wonder about everything else. You set the bags down and look around; the kitchen light is on, and you can see some soft light coming from the crack beneath his bedroom door. There is sound, but it’s very quiet and you can’t catch any type of conversation.

The closer you get, the more confusing it becomes, until it finally hits you—you think you know what you’re hearing, and it throws your heart into your throat, and you feel a little sick. Seungmin is moaning, over and over, but it’s not quite how he sounds when he’s with you. It’s a steady rhythm, and then he stops…starts again, stops. It almost sounds forced, but he’s the only sound you can hear. Maybe he’s getting himself off; maybe last night wasn’t enough. You don’t want to interrupt him if that is what’s going on, but when you hear another voice, you really start to feel sick.

“Is that good?” the voice says. It sounds masculine, but still, it’s hard to tell for sure. You can’t understand it, anyway. You don’t hear Seungmin’s response, but the other person laughs, and you feel your entire body start to heat up. It could be from anger, or embarrassment, or sadness...all of the above. You feel pretty stupid standing there, but it’s not like Seungmin is your boyfriend. He’s not yours, and you guess you’re not his, either. No, he just took in a stray and gave it unlimited money to shop, absolutely no big deal. Nothing serious.

“Yeah, you are…” Still the nameless, faceless voice. Definitely masculine. “Come back, don’t be a tease.”

You take a few steps back. The language barrier means you can’t say for sure what’s happening behind that door, but it feels obvious. The deep, sensual whispers and the moans can only equal one thing.

“Yeah, keep going”

It’s Seungmin’s voice that time. And then everything goes quiet. A few seconds later, he comes, loudly. And then it’s quiet again.

You take a few more steps back until you hit the side of the kitchen counter, and it’s then that you hear a loud thud. Very loud, like something heaving hitting the ground.

“Fuck…what are you doing?” This time, the voice sounds…angry? No, surprised, confused. It’s hard to tell even as you listen as carefully as possible. Your head is swimming with every strange thought, though. “No…stop, please.”

“What the fuck?” You say out loud to nobody. Your legs are trembling. Another loud thud makes you jump, and then you hear Seungmin. It almost doesn’t sound like him, but you know it’s him. It’s big, and deep, and unlike any version of him you’ve heard…

“Fucking…hold still. Fuck, give me a break.”

The door shakes, the doorknob turns, and as soon as it swings open, all you see is the stranger's terrified face. He’s half-dressed, jeans still mostly zipped, but he slips a little as he makes a run for the door. Seungmin is right behind him, and you just barely see the shine of his knife as he runs by.

Your legs tremble more, and you don’t know how you’re still standing. The feeling of needing to vomit now hits, but nothing happens when you lean forward—just a dry heave, and then your throat tightens right back up. He doesn’t see you…he has one thing in his sights, and it’s almost at the door you’re pretty sure you left unlocked.

The man stumbles again, and Seungmin grabs him by the back of the neck as he falls forward onto the carpet. But he screams, and it’s so loud. You see the glint again as he pulls back and plunges it into the side of his neck. The sound…you think you actually hear the metal as it slides through his skin and tendons and cartilage. Did you really hear it all the way over here? You did hear Seungmin’s angry growl, and you can still hear his heavy, uneven pulls of breath. Finally, you fall to your knees and take one deep breath. The light-headedness outweighs the feeling of vomiting, but you manage to keep it together.

“Son of a bitch,” he says, in English this time, and you definitely hear the blade being pulled out and thrown to the side. It bounces and makes a mess everywhere it hits, and it lands right next to one of the bags you brought home.

Seungmin sighs and runs his fingers through his messy hair, “another fucking mess.” He says it in a sing-songy voice as he turns his head and looks for his knife.

You can see his face now, and it changes immediately when he notices the bags. His eyes grow, and his tongue pokes out a little between his lips. First he looks at his work again, and the mess of blood slowly pouring onto the carpet. Then he looks at the door, which you know he can see is unlocked. If the stranger would have beat him to it…well, you’d rather not think about that. Finally, he turns his head. His eyes seem to soften as they land on you, and something about his face looks guilty.

“Hey,” he says, and very carefully stands up. Seungmin towers over the body, examines it again, and then adjusts his shorts. It’s the only thing he’s wearing, except for two silver necklaces, and a little bit of blood on his stabbing hand. “Hey…I thought you’d be out longer,” he quickly closes the space between you and kneels a few feet away. "Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

You stay in your spot and watch him as he heads for the sink to wash his hands…once, and then a second time.

“You okay?” He kneels again, much closer this time, and places his hand on your knee. “Hm?” Seungmin keeps his face relaxed, and his eyes heavy, as if he’s trying his best not to make this seem as serious as it really is. To him, it is nothing, you think, and he may be lacking a bit in empathy, but he’s smart enough to know that what you just witnessed was a lot. “Do you wanna stand with me?”

No, you don’t, but you nod anyway and give him your hands.

He stares at you for a long time, silent, wondering what to say next. “Why don’t you go take a long, hot shower? I’ll set some clothes in there for you.”

“Why?”

“Because when you come out, you’ll feel a little better, and everything will be back to normal.”

“Normal?”

“Yeah, mostly. Please, just give me…30 minutes.”

“How are you going to fix this in a half an hour?”

That’s a very good question. Seungmin can clean up in that span of time, but he certainly can’t dispose of this body, as well. Luckily, he usually has a backup plan floating around in his head. “You’ll have to believe me.” He relaxes the vice grip he has on your wrists and slides his hands up your arms. “Try to.”

/ / /

He digs out the hard shell suitcase from the living room closet, and thanks himself for choosing a smaller kill this time. This is not how he likes doing things, and the knife is also not his favorite, but what he really doesn’t like is having an audience. This is a first. At least he didn’t know until after the fact.

As soon as the body, his shoes, his shirt, and whatever else he took off, is out of his sight, he focuses on the carpet. He rolls the rug up neatly, cuts it off as cleanly as possible, and wraps it as tightly as he can in several layers of garbage bags. Luckily, nothing made it down to the hardwood floor. Only a few little spots from the knife need to be cleaned. And the knife, of course. The biggest problem now is how he’s getting this down 26 floors to the basement, two separate times before he has a chance to get to the bedroom.

Seungmin tries his best, and he underestimates how good he really is. He locks everything away in his basement storage, for now, and gets back to the apartment with time to spare. Maybe you’ll give him a few extra minutes. Or maybe you’ll stay in there until he comes to get you.

The bedroom isn’t bad, but you know what was going on in here. He pulls off the bedspread and replaces it with a heavy blanket, just big enough to cover the king-size bed. The clothes on the floor get tossed in the hamper. Everything is thrown back in his drawer, neatly, or in the trash. He’s never worked so fast, because he’s never had to, and he really hopes he never has to speed run this again.

Last, he looks down at himself. He’s sweating, and out of breath, but luckily, he can’t find a splatter of blood on him. He rips off the tshirt and sweatpants, and replaces them with fresh ones.

You still haven’t made a sound, thirty-seven minutes later, so Seungmin knocks… “Hey, do you need anything?”

“Can I come out?”

He smiles at your small, timid voice. “Yes, you can come out.”

Seungmin looks around with you, a little paranoid he forgot something in his rush, but everything looks normal. Everything except the missing piece of carpet. He follows as you walk over to inspect the area, and when you seem satisfied, he follows into the bedroom.

“Where is it, the body?” You look around carefully. This is the first time you really explore his bedroom, and Seungmin doesn’t seem to mind when you end up at one of his bookshelves.

“Not here, not in the apartment.” He watches your hand reach for the music box, but you don’t open it. Your finger slides over the lid, and then you move on to the withering vase of flowers.

“You need some fresh heliotrope. We can change the water, though…they might perk up for another day.”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Seungmin’s heart starts to race, and he doesn’t know why. It picks up even more when you return to the music box, gently pop the latch, and open it. He holds his breath, but luckily, he didn’t wind it. It’s quiet.

“Oh, this…” a dainty silver chain is pinched between your fingers, but you examine it closely before you continue, “no, it’s almost the same.” You hold it up so the St. Michael medallion hangs and sways like a pendulum. “Is this yours?”

“It belonged to my mother. So did the music box.” Seungmin reaches out and grabs the charm between his thumb and forefinger. “Yeah, I guess it’s mine.” How did we get from there, to here? he thinks to himself. You don’t ask him anything else—you carefully set the necklace back inside, close it, and pick up the vase of flowers.

“Where did you get these? Is there a greenhouse nearby?

It takes so much of his energy not to tell you exact truths right now, and he doesn’t know why. Seungmin can’t help but want you to ask him what happened; what did you walk into? Why aren’t you more shaken by this? You did have time to think in the shower, but thinking is one thing, and demanding more information is another. He was actually ready to explain himself. “Yeah, sort of.”

“Can we go get more?” Your voice fades as you head for the kitchen, to the sink, where you carefully replace the water in the vase.

No, Seungmin doesn’t think he can handle that right now. He’s never quite sure when he can, and he usually has to force himself. That might be the case soon. He does need to replace these.

“You gonna dry these, too?”

“…are you okay?”

He assumes by the long silence and the way you’re staring at the flowers…probably not. It was a good act, but you still don’t say anything when you walk back to the bedroom and set the vase back in its spot.

“I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.” Again, you leave the room. Seungmin is beginning to dislike not getting a proper response from you. “Dammit…will you please just answer me?”

You’ve been trying to think of a way to answer him—you really have. This entire day, aside from your alone time shopping, has been strange, and so uncomfortable. He can’t possibly expect you to just be okay, though…Seungmin isn’t stupid. He just wants something, anything besides you changing the subject again. But how are you supposed to tell him the kill wasn’t the worst part? Or that you weren’t even completely sure he was telling you the truth about his killing? You actually thought for a moment that he made the whole thing up, or exaggerated. You don’t have to wonder about that anymore. He did it, and it wasn’t his first time. “I’m okay, it was just,” you think, stall for another few seconds, “hearing you in there with someone else caught me off-guard.”

“Oh, that’s all? I thought I scared you...set off another panic attack, maybe.” The look you give him makes him revisit his response. “It was just a blowjob, I barely touched him, but that will happen again.”

“I know”

“You're jealous?” Seungmin smirks and takes a step toward you. “Is that it?”

“No, I’m not jealous,” you lie. What a stupid lie. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Nobody else lives in my house, or spends my money.” Another step. “Right?”

“Yes”

Close enough to kiss, but no. He reaches out, touches your neck, and leans forward as he does, “nobody else sleeps in my bed.” You can see yourself in his unblinking eyes, until he’s even closer. His lips ghost over your forehead, moving slowly over your temple, and to the spot just above your ear. He kisses once. “Just you.”

A moment of courage comes over you—he’s so close, and he smells so good, and you need to touch him. His hips feel good in your hands, and when he makes a sound, you move them slowly up his sides. You haven’t forgotten, he’s sensitive here.

Seungmin moves down until his breath tickles your ear, “but nobody touches you,” he kisses again, “or I’ll kill them.”

“I don’t want anyone else”

“Good. Now…are you gonna show me what you bought?”

/ / /

“I can try some, right?” He leans back on the couch, yawns, and stretches. Everything suddenly feels very normal. He feels like himself right now, and you suspect it’s his post-kill high.

The way his eyes follow you all over the room is suffocating, though. For some reason, it's making you feel shy, and way too seen. You can’t figure out what it is he sees in you, and what wants from you, and from all of this. What are you giving that somebody else couldn’t? If you knew what he looked for in his victims, maybe it’d be easier to figure out, but you don’t know. You don’t know why he talked to you that morning.

“Yeah, you bought it”

One of the things you bought, something you definitely didn’t need, was 70,000 won almond blossom tea. You only wandered into the shop to escape the crowd, but the owner let you try a sample, and it was impossible to pass up after tasting it. The scent, and the flavor took you back to the warmth of him wrapped around you this morning. It felt good.

Seungmin sneaks up behind you, and when his hand squeezes your waist, the hot water almost ends up on the counter. “It’s pretty…it smells nice,” he’s so close, you can almost feel his lips on you. “How long?”

“Two minutes.” You didn’t think brewing tea would make him so touchy and sweet, but you’ve started expecting pretty much anything from him. “Maybe a little less.”

“Show me something you bought”

“Pick something”

He slides away and heads for the three large bags at the end of the couch, and then he peeks in each one. “Okay, let’s try this one.” He reaches in and pulls out a smaller bag from inside the large one.

“Oh, maybe not that one…”

“Why not?”

“Pick something else”

“Okay, I’ll try again.” He reaches into another large bag, and again, pulls out a small one. “This one, you can’t say no.”

You nod and hand him his tea, “I won’t say no,” and take a sip. He does, too, and you watch him. “Do you like it?”

Before he answers, he takes one more slow sip, and a smile appears. His cheeks round out, and you see the shine of his teeth behind his lips. “I do…it’s nice and sweet.”

“Good,” you peek in the small bag and pull out a flat white box.

Seungmin watches the little golden movements as he swirls his cup, closes his eyes, and drinks again. Memories pop up in his mind: the kitchen, and the sun coming in through the window above the sink. His favorite chair—it faced the stove where he watched her cook every morning, every afternoon. Bundles of dried flowers hanging by the doorway, and the sweet smell of yakgwa if he behaved all week. Sometimes even if he didn’t.

He doesn’t realize how quickly he drains his cup, and he hopes you’ll make him another one.

“Hey…you there?”

“Hm? Yes, I’m here…sorry”

“I wasn’t sure about getting them, or about getting anything for you. So I hope it’s okay.”

“You bought something for me?" His eyes grow as he looks at the box, "this was supposed to be your shopping trip.”

Still soft, and you hope with everything you have that he stays like this for a little longer. Tonight, in the morning, and maybe through tomorrow. You think it, scream it in your head. Maybe he’ll pick up on it just enough. Maybe it’s the tea. You should make him more.

“I know, but…”

“Let me see," he moves the tissue paper out of the way and looks, touches the soft fabric first, and then carefully picks it up.

“It’s corny, I’m sorry”

“Corny? No, they're beautiful.” He reaches in and picks up the second silky handkerchief, and runs his thumb over the embroidered purple flowers, every petal, “and these won't die." Seungmin keeps one and hands the other back to you. You don't know, of course, but this is the first gift he's been given in years.

“Oh, they came as a pair…you don’t want both?”

“No, you keep one. It doesn’t look like you bought much for yourself.”

He’s right, you didn’t get as much as you should have, and that explains why you got back early and interrupted his work. You should have made a list.

“We can go again tomorrow. Maybe you just need company.”

“Company? You’re gonna go shopping with me?”

“Yes, we can do that. We can get lunch somewhere nice, and maybe we can go get more flowers...what? Is that okay?”

Whatever confused look you’re giving him, he caught it. This is the Seungmin from last night, just happier, and more euphoric. “Yeah, we should do that. How about we have more tea, and then we get some sleep? It’s been a long day.”

“It has, but I need to bleach my hair”

“Right now?”

“Yeah, I almost forgot. There were a lot of people around earlier, when I…you know, picked him.”

“I can help if you’d like. And make you some more tea.”

/ / /

The orangey-blonde head of hair sticking out from the covers confuses you in your half-sleep. It’s early, and you set an alarm, but you can’t remember why. Last night hasn’t come back to you quite yet. The puppy plush is in the gap between you, and you really don’t remember putting him there last night. But he’s there, sitting up, almost like he just walked up and took a seat. He’s still a mystery, just like his owner.

The bleach job didn’t work as well as he’d hoped last night, because he forgot he just tried to darken it a few days before. It’s still soft and pretty, and even in his sleep, his bangs frame his face perfectly. Lucky for him, he’s handsome enough to pull anything off.

Seungmin squirms, rolls onto his other side, and settles again. Now, looking at his face, you remember why you set that alarm. How could you forget? You have the day planned out with him, and you’re counting on a smile when he finally wakes up. Something put him in a better mood, a mood good enough for a date, and you suspect it was two kills in three days. He moves again, but you don’t want to wake him yet. He looks happy, or at least comfortable. If he’s dreaming, it’s not strong enough to show, so maybe he got a good night of sleep. Again, you think, hope, plead for the same man to be there when he wakes.

His eyelashes flutter a few times, and open slowly. Close again, open. He looks at the dog, blinks, and then he finds you. Your stomach swirls with butterflies as he stares, and finally, after really waking up, a smile pulls on his lips—a sweet, sleepy smile.

“Jal jat-ssuh?”

“Ne,” he laughs. “That sounded good. Did you?”

“I did”

“Is my hair still orange?” He sits himself up and pulls on a piece to check.

Hopefully it doesn’t discourage him from today’s plans. Hopefully he remembers today’s plans. “It is, it looks good on you, though. A very handsome tangerine.”

“Tangerine? Do you like tangerines?”

“I love them”

“We’ll get some today”

He didn’t forget, and he’s still okay. Seungmin’s head falls back to the pillow, eyes close again, but his smile stays on his lips. And then he starts to hum. If this mood lasts long enough, maybe you can finally hear him sing. You let him go for a little while longer, until he starts to quiet, probably dozing off again…

Seungmin is cute when he’s focused, and he’s very focused on the grill between you; poking and flipping the meat, plating it carefully. His mouth is squished to one side, and the dimple on his cheek is especially noticeable.

“You’re good at this”

“Hm? Oh, sorry, I’m so used to eating alone. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“I am, too, it’s okay.” You take the plate from him, and he hands you a few of the things he hoarded on his side of the table. “How are you feeling?”

“How am I feeling?” He takes a very big bite of zucchini, and it takes a few moments for him to get it down. “I feel…pretty good. Better now that we’re eating. I don’t like being hungry.”

“Good. The mall was pretty crowded, so it was nice not being alone. Still, it’s a little overwhelming.”

“We shouldn’t have to do it again for a while. I think we replaced everything you lost, plus extra.”

“Too much extra”

“No, not if it makes you happy”

Happy Seungmin is still here, and now he has a full stomach...even better. You can’t get attached to this feeling, but you’ve become much more attached to him than you thought was possible it such a short amount of time—all of him, good and bad…and the bad still seems to outweigh the good by a lot. It doesn’t seem believable, looking at him right now, but this was him the day you met, you think. Maybe not completely, because he was obviously on the hunt when you showed up, but this Seungmin was there, a little bit. You could feel it—he felt right. He still does.

“Sitting here with you makes me happy”

He stops stirring his broth and looks at you. Was that too much? It was too much, you might as well have just told him you love him. What if you trigger something, and whatever is going on in his head changes completely? You need to get a hold on whatever is going on in your own head. He’s staring, and you can feel it, even with your eyes fixed on your plate.

“Why?” He whispers. You barely hear it, and it’s as if he’s speaking to himself. Asking himself. “I haven’t done anything to make you feel that way.”

“Yes you have”

“Tell me”

The server interrupts with more banchan, more water, more tea. It gives you a whole ten seconds to think, and not sound like an idiot when you answer. Does he really want to know, or is he just putting you on the spot?

“You came back for me, and you took care of me…do you remember what you said to me last night?”

“I tend to forget what I say, apparently”

There’s some attitude in his voice, and you immediately regret saying it. He obviously remembers you asking him the same thing yesterday morning.

“I remember. Depends, though, I said a lot of things.” He moves his eyes around as he thinks, and you’re relieved to see a smirk pop up. “But I assume you’re referring to…killing anyone who touches you.”

He did say a lot of things last night, but yeah…you nod at him.

“You liked that.” No more attitude. He whispers, almost growls under his breath. “Didn’t you?” His eyes are so heavy, and dark. He’s still smiling, but it’s different. It’s so much different. “You did.”

“Maybe”

“Speaking of that..someone in here has been staring at you since we walked in”

“I doubt that”

His eyes move slowly to the left, and stay there. You look in the same direction as discreetly as possible, and you see who he’s talking about—it’s the bartender, and Seungmin is right. He wipes down the bar and smiles at you, but looks away almost immediately after. Maybe the timing was just a coincidence, though.

“He’s just looking. He barely looked.”

“I don’t really like that, either”

“Seungmin”

A shiver runs over you when he says your name…whispers it. “Why don’t you get up and head to the bathroom. Leave the door unlocked.” He cocks his head to the side when you don’t move, or respond. “Please.”

He smiles when you push your chair back, and shows you all of his teeth when you stand. Still happy. If this keeps him that way, he doesn’t have to ask again—as if you'd deny him. Your legs already shake at the thought of him touching you. The bartender's eyes are on you as you walk by, and you feel them linger as you disappear down the short hallway toward the (luckily) private bathroom. You close the door, lean against it, and look around. It’s nice, at least.

Thirty or so seconds pass between you closing the door, and his soft knock. You don’t know why your heart races. It could be that you’ve never done this before, and it doesn’t help that the bartender saw both of you come back here, and he knows exactly what’s going on. If you’re nervous enough, you won’t be able to do this, and he’ll be very disappointed.

The doorknob turns, and he comes in slowly. It’s just Seungmin, there’s no reason to be nervous, and it’s just public sex…very public for you…but your stomach drops when you see someone else…not him, not even close. You only see the face for a split second before he disappears—pulled backward so fast, and with so much force, the door slams shut again. A thud on the other side of the wall echoes through you, through the bathroom, and you have to assume through the entire restaurant. And then, right before you pull the door open, you hear it again. The man—the bartender, is on the floor, flat on his back with one hand covering his bloody face, and there’s a crack in the plaster wall. Seungmin is standing over him, still seeing red, but showing some restraint by not touching him again.

“Wh-what happened?”

He grabs your arm and pulls you closer. “Naleul bwa...” He nudges the man with his foot until he removes his hand and looks up. “Creep.”

A small crowd gathers at the end of the narrow hallway, but he pushes through, still holding you close. Nobody says a word or stops you as you grab your bags and head for the door, and as soon as you get outside, you’re both lost in the crowd.

“Stop, stop…Seungmin!”

“Yeah, what is it?” He slows down, but he doesn’t stop. “You okay?”

“What the hell happened?”

He doesn’t answer. He’s walking you as far away as possible, as calmly as possible. The look on his face is familiar, but different…nervous, worried, excited maybe. You can tell his adrenaline is sky high, and you don’t know why, but you assume this is unusual for him—this somewhat random act of violence. Almost everything you’ve witnessed from him has been disjointed and clumsy, but he hasn’t been caught yet, so you know he’s been careful up until this point. You’re messing him up.

Finally, he stops and lets you catch your breath.

“We’ll head back, drop your things off…”

“Seungmin”

“I’ll drive us to Uljin, if you still want to get flowers”

“Uljin?”

“Yeah, let’s go before we miss the train”

The train is crowded, of course—standing room only, and Seungmin’s fingers grip your wrist the entire time. He’s clearly overwhelmed and soothing himself; there’s nothing romantic or possessive about it, he’s just suddenly very nervous about something. Either the crowd, or what just happened. You change the subject for now, not wanting to move his mind around the incident anymore than necessary. “Uljin is far.”

“I know. I can get us there in three hours, and if you’re tired we can wait until morning to drive back.”

You close the space still left between you, until your face grazes his sweatshirt, “why so far for flowers?” The small corner of the silk handkercheif just pokes out from his back pocket. You didn't notice it before, or catch him putting it there before you left this morning.

“They’re the best ones. And they’re always there for me.”

The ride wasn’t as long and awkward as you feared it would be. Both of you were silent most of the way, but Seungmin kept his music low the entire time, not once deviating from whatever playlist he initially put on. It feels like he’s made this drive more than a few times, and he has a set routine. As you moved closer and closer to the end of the drive, everything became greener, and darker. Lush and beautiful in some spots, but desolate and almost forgotten in others. It all seemed to reflect him.

You’re not sure how far out you are from the destination when he makes the second and final stop, but it’s been three hours, almost exactly, so you wonder why he made another stop at all.

He doesn’t go inside the gas station, but you do. For no reason, really. You check yourself in the bathroom mirror, grab some water, and then watch him for a moment before leaving. Maybe he just needed to stretch his legs—he’s walking slowly toward the edge of the pumps, and then across toward where a small section of woods start. It zig-zags upward and into a much larger section that you can’t see the end of. Seungmin is staring through those trees, hands in his coat pockets, and he doesn’t move when you exit and jingle the bell above the door.

“Here, you haven’t had anything since we left.” He looks at the bottled water in your hands, sighs, and takes it.

“About twenty minutes…we should be there”

“Where is exactly is there?” Seungmin downs half of his water before stopping and taking a breath. It’s cold out, but sweat is beading on his forehead and around his temples. You reach up and touch his cheek with the back of your hand, and he turns his head away. “Sorry. You’re very warm. Do you feel okay?”

He nods and takes another long drink, “there is the house I grew up in.”

“Oh.” They’re the best ones, and they’re always there for me makes much more sense now. It’s sentimental. The flowers here are special…special enough for a six-hour roundtrip drive.

The remainder of the trip takes you further into the woods. The road narrows, and the pine trees get closer and closer until, every mile or so, there’s a break in the woods, a clearing, and you can see the sky as it slowly darkens. You know when you arrive, because there’s one lonely hanok in the distance. Seungmin sighs again. He never turned the music back on, so you can hear every sound, and every breath. The snap of twigs under the tires, the chirp of bugs, and the chatter of a few magpies fills most of the silence.

“You grew up here?”

He doesn’t answer until you turn and look at him.

“Yeah, until I was nine. And then…” he can stop there. He doesn’t have to tell you every single thing. You’re just making conversation, not setting him down for therapy. “I got passed around to different family members.”

“Were they good to you?”

Somebody certainly wasn’t, and Seungmin knows you know that. He can feel you looking through him, gathering up his thoughts, and his feelings, and figuring things out on your own. “Yes, my grandparents did the best they could, and my aunts…they did, too.”

His answers just make more questions, considering his life now, but you’ll save them for another time.

The car comes to a slow stop. The house is dark and overgrown, but still somewhat looked after, you assume because of him. To your left is a large garden shed, not as well kept. Once, it was probably nice, but time was not kind to it. A little further down is a large greenhouse, also starting to show its age, but it’s iron and glass, and it’s standing strong without much help.

“Good”

“I wasn’t…uh,” he stops himself this time, and reconsiders. Instead of finishing his thought, he opens the door and steps out.

You do the same, and as soon as you stand and close the door, something hits you. It hits your chest, and works its way down to your stomach until you can’t stay on your feet. You kneel, trying not to fall onto the cold, damp ground, but your hands spread out in front of you as you lean forward and empty the contents of your stomach onto the grass.

“Fuck…what happened? Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah I think so. Maybe.”

“Do you get car sick?”

His hand on your shoulders takes you back two nights, and the memory makes you feel a little bit better. Opening your eyes and staring into the distance makes it worse again. “No.”

“You’re warm, too”

“Maybe we should do this tomorrow, if we’re staying the night." After the long drive, Seungmin might want to do it now, so why are even asking? But you also know he doesn't feel well. The fever heat between the two of you could bloom more flowers. "We should."

“We can," he says, secretly a little grateful, “I’ll find a room somewhere”

He pulls you to your feet, and it feels awful, but once you’re up and leaning against him, the dizziness is gone. “We’re not staying here?”

“No, we wouldn’t be very comfortable in there”

/ / /

The sick feeling passes eventually, and the room Seungmin finds at the last minute is not far. It’s small, and it’s comfortable. He’s working on the instant tteokbokki a few feet away, very focused, just like he was at the restaurant.

“It smells good”

“Feeling better? We have frozen bungeoppang, too. The hosts are very generous, we got lucky.”

“Lucky, even with one tiny bed?”

“Yeah, even with one tiny bed,” he laughs, and looks at the twin-size bed tucked away in the corner. He’s reminded of the one in your apartment that he never got to try, and he’s surprised his mind can even go there right now. The memory of his last trip home is mostly a blur, even though it wasn’t more than a day or two before you showed up. “Let’s eat, and get into bed.”

Still happy. So why are you suddenly feeling so empty? “I don’t wanna go to sleep yet.” You pick at and stir your food, and watch him devour his. “Hey…”

“Yes?”

“What happened earlier, at the restaurant?”

He was hoping you forgot about that. Seungmin isn’t typically violent unless he plans on seeing it to the end, so today was unusual. He keeps himself out of sight, and out of people’s memories, because he can’t afford to be noticed that much. He doesn’t regret what he did, though, and he has no problem admitting to himself that it felt good. “Before I got up, he started following you. He watched you walk by, and maybe you looked at him and he thought it was an invitation…or he’s just a piece of shit taking advantage of the opportunity.”

“I don’t think I looked at him”

“I caught up, just in time”

“And smashed his face into the wall”

“I didn’t know what I was going to do, but yeah, it seemed like the best choice at the time”

“It was effective”

“Still ruined our moment.” Seungmin’s eyes are tired, but he’s obviously nudging you into bed for more than just sleep. He wants to make up for whatever lust was building inside of him earlier, and you haven’t told him no a single time yet. Why would he expect you to tell him no tonight? But you’re feeling off—much more than just tired. It may have been the adrenaline rush earlier, combined with the very long car ride. It could just be the new setting, because the new setting reminds you a little bit of home, right down to the claustrophobic woods and this 300 square feet of living space.

“Maybe we should go to sleep.” You say, staring hard at your food as you eat. “It’s been a long day.”

/ / /

The twin bed is perfect, at least for you. Seungmin backed himself against the wall and kept his hands to himself after you crawled in beside him, and luckily, there was nothing but sleep for both of you almost immediately. A sharp pinging sound wakes you, and you open your eyes to him at the tiny kitchen counter. The sound you hear is sleet falling against the window, and the realization makes you shiver under the covers…but the smell of brewing coffee brings you right back.

The icy rainfall picks up as you force yourself into a sitting position, but staying up is still hard, regardless of his soft good morning, and his eyes peeking over his mug.

“Morning.” The headache has been there for a while, but you’re conscious now, and really feeling it. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost eleven, we slept a lot”

You count to three and force your feet onto the cold floor, “doesn’t sound like good driving weather out there,” and make it to the other stool, where now you see an empty mug and a plate of warm bungeoppang. Without a word, you reach a hand up and set it on his forehead. “How did you sleep?”

Seungmin doesn’t shake it away, but he gives you a confused look, and he shrugs. “I slept.”

“Did you have any dreams? Nightmares?”

“The usual. Why?”

“Just wondering.” Because you had one, too. “You had a fever yesterday. It’s gone.”

“I think you took it from me, you look miserable”

“Do I?” Miserable is a strong word, but the headache, and the slightly off feeling is definitely close. Maybe you’re allergic to something up here. You make a mental note to take something for that, and for the headache, just in case.

“As soon as the rain stops, we’ll get what we came for, and then head back. Eat something.”

/ / /

The drive through the narrow forest road is even crunchier this time. Tiny icicles hang off tree branches, and no bugs chirp this time…no birds sing. It’s somehow darker this afternoon than it was yesterday at dusk, and the low mist hanging over the property makes you wish you would have just gotten this over with yesterday. Something strange is definitely living in these woods It’s beautiful, though, in its own lonely way. It’s still very alive here and it breathes easily through the cracks in the wood.

Seungmin is quiet, and you expect that. Whatever you’re feeling right now, he must be feeling it threefold. This is his home—or it was, at least, at a very important time in his life. The memory of why he had to leave is still be lingering here.

Greenhouse is all he says as he steps out. You follow, and this time, you feel okay when your feet hit the ground. The headache is still there, but not so bad that you can’t fight through it, so you catch up with him and try not to lose your footing in the soft, muddy ground.

“Take your time, it’s uneven down here”

You watch each step as you take it, and weave around the stones and spots where the grass is drowning from the melted snow and ice. Some spots are still slick, so you wonder how anything could possibly be hanging on mid-December…especially what he came for. Even inside the greenhouse. You catch a shine of light from the corner of your eye and stop, even as he bolts ahead of you. Something in the ruins of the shed catches what little bit of sunlight makes it through the clouds.

"Come on..."

The boots you wore could have been better; could have been worse. Seungmin’s Redwings are splattered and caked with mud, old and new, because he knew what he was getting into up here. These are specifically the boots he wears here, you think. No hunting, no murder, no body disposal. Every job has its own equipment.

It’s even prettier up close, and inside, through the condensation rising up every perfect panel of glass, you see green and yellow. Purple, and blue. He opens the door to the anteroom, and the sweet smell of flowers fills you up. When he opens the main door, the warmth still trapped inside almost knocks you on your back.

“Does someone tend to this all year, or…”

“No.” He heads to a workspace in the corner and picks up a pair of gardening shears, a little rusty, but probably still very sharp. “Nobody comes here but me.”

“I like it, it’s nice”

“Yeah?”

You catch up to him and nod, “mhm, I don’t like it outside, but this is better.”

Seungmin leads you to the spot filled with purple flowers. Some of them fill big decorative pots, and some are elevated on homemade wooden shelves, but the largest ones are in the ground. It’s a little bit chaotic, but something about it feels organized at the same time. It’s everywhere, but it’s everywhere exactly where somebody wanted it.

“I see why you came all this way. It’s yours.”

He doesn’t answer. Seungmin lowers himself to the ground and kneels, and you watch as he does nothing for a very long time. The sounds of the greenhouse take over; the creak of the panels as the wind outside hits, and the cries of the bugs. Whatever insects managed to make a home for themselves here are very happy. And it isn't until now that you notice the sound of a single windchime. You find a spot to sit and wait, but you keep your eyes on him. Eventually, after more of his silence passes, it feels as if you’re intruding on something very personal, so you stand, quietly turn away, and focus your attention on a different spot; on different flowers.

What he’s doing over there is more cathartic and necessary than you can imagine.

Seungmin is always careful about how much he cuts and where he cuts from. Some blossoms seem brighter than others, and those are the ones he knows he can take. But before he does anything…

“how have you been?”

It’s exceptionally quiet, and his voice, so soft and light, carries in the small space. At first, you assume he’s speaking to you, because he’s speaking English. But he’s not. You can’t block out his words, so you walk as far from him as you can in an attempt to give him some privacy, but…he knows you’re here. He invited you inside knowing what he was going to do.

“Okay, I guess…sometimes it’s tough to tell from the inside”

Silence. He waits a few moments before speaking again…

“I am, I promise”

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　　

“I know, I’m not alone this time, isn’t that strange? It feels so strange”

⋆ .   　　˚　　 　　*　　　

“Yes, it’s a good thing, I know”

　✦　˚ 　˖✶

“I’m trying really hard, I promise”

The silence is much longer this time. You think he might be finished, but he speaks one more time…

“Saranghaeyo…I love you, too”

You finally turn and look at him through a cluster of forget-me-nots, and he’s bowing so low you can hardly see him. The sound of the shears opening and closing finally comes, and you see him very carefully trimming what he needs. Two bundles. He takes both to the workspace, ties them with string, and wraps them gently in dark brown paper. The amount of care he takes is impressive, and he doesn’t rush through it. You take the opportunity to move closer to the blooms of heliotrope, but not too close. Just enough to admire them. They look like they just saw a warm, summer day, not the cold, icy morning you woke to. You almost forget it’s December as you stare at them.

“I’m ready, if you are.” His voice, still gentle, makes you jump.

“Yes, I’m ready”

“Oh, hold on.” Seungmin walks to the corner where you hid, looks around for something, and after a few minutes of him moving things around, digging, pulling, and digging again, he returns with dirt-covered hands and a small pot filled with the little blue flowers. “We’ll take these, too.”

He hands it over, and you hold it close as you start toward the cold again. The rain begins to fall as you carefully make your way back to the car, but it’s just a fine mist this time, no more ice. The bundles of heliotrope are placed in the backseat, but you hold tight to your flowers. Seungmin never implied they were yours, but you know they are. The forget-me-nots are for you.

The closer you get to Seoul, the more withdrawn you feel him becoming. There was some conversation this time, very minimal, and very light, but you said nothing of Uljin, or the greenhouse, or the conversation he had with the flowers. It slowly dwindled until it became a painful silence; no music, not even a contemplative sigh from him. You held your flowers and stared out of your window until the countryside slowly turned to small town, to city, to busy highways, and finally…home. Home?

“I’ll be gone for a few hours”

He tended to his flowers first. One bundle in the vase, the other tied and hung on the side of the window nearest the kitchen.

“Gone? You’re leaving?”

“Haven’t we seen enough of each other over the last two days?”

“Uhm…” Yeah, you guess so. “Sure.”

“I have to get rid of that body, and the carpet. It might take a while.”

The body. You completely forgot about two nights ago. How could you forget about watching him kill someone right in front of you? Luckily, Seungmin didn’t. He may have kept it at the front of his mind this entire time.

A quick change of clothes, and he’s gone without another word or glance in your direction.

The last two days and the night before was more than you expected from him—but enough? How could it possibly be enough? Whoever you were with today in the greenhouse, and in bed with yesterday morning; there’s so much of him you haven’t seen yet. You’ve barely met him. This was nowhere near enough.

So you shower and sort your things from your two shopping trips in an attempt to keep your mind occupied. But where to put them? Not in his drawer, because you need permission for that, and not in his neat, organized (full) closet. Eventually, you decide on folding and setting most of it on the chest near his bookshelves. The vase of flowers sit brand new and bright and fragrant exactly where the previous ones did, and now you have a chance to really look at them; you touch the delicate little petals and lean forward to take in more of the scent, and you wonder what exactly all of this means to him, because it’s something very special. Some of it you think you can figure out on your own, but you know there’s much more.

The flowers send your thoughts back to the music box. Your fingers itch to touch it again—to pick it up and turn the key, so you do. Seungmin isn’t here, and he might not be back for hours, and maybe he wouldn’t mind you looking at everything more closely. He didn’t seem to mind the first time. You pick it up and examine it in the low light. On top, there's a design burned and stained into the wood: a cloud-covered full moon shining down on a leaping rabbit. You turn the key three times, and hold it as it plays a sweet, sad melody that you don’t recognize. Inside you see the necklace, the one that looks almost exactly like yours, a silver bracelet, and a ring that could only be a wedding band. There’s a small piece of worn paper tucked into the corner, folded into the shape of a butterfly, and you leave that alone. You can see little bits of Hangul written on it, so clearly, it’s some sort of note. Even if you could read it…well, you could always use your phone and translate it—no, it’s none of your business.

The drawer could be your business, though. You’ve already seen it, and you can’t imagine it’s much different now than it was that night, but just thinking about it gets your heart racing.

You click his lamp on first, and look at everything sitting on the table. These are things you haven’t done yet, and there are so many little details about him still to learn. His glasses sit in their open case; a pair of thick black-rimmed ones, not the ones you’ve seen him in. His other ones, the ones that suited him so well, were round metal frames, and they’re not here. His silver Chanel necklace is here, and two prescription bottles that you never noticed before. KIM SEUNGMIN is written on the side of both—lorazepam (the little white pill he offered during your panic attack) and haloperidol. The haloperidol doesn’t look like it’s been touched, but the other is nearly empty. So, he has been diagnosed with something, and medicated for it, he just hasn’t followed through with his treatment. Maybe he’s tried, and it didn’t work—or it didn’t work the way he wanted it to. Finally, the drawer. It’s a little messier than you remember, but not bad. He probably hasn’t touched it since he killed two nights ago because the knife isn’t back in its spot. The sheath is there, and the cuffs, the gag. You carefully pick up one of the syringes and examine it, turn it so you can see the liquid inside move around like a tiny lava lamp. Still three of them. Further back, you feel something else. Something small. It’s an earring, just a tiny gold cuff, and it looks familiar. You reach and touch the top of your left ear, and you realize it’s yours. It must have fallen off while you slept, and he found it, and threw it in his drawer…but why didn’t he just return it?

Just as you put it back and turn off the lamp, you hear the click of the lock. You’d like to stay up and greet him, but if he’s still in the mood he was when he left, it might not be worth it. Instead, you climb under the covers and turn off the lamp on your side. He doesn’t come in right away. You can hear him go straight to the shower, and you stay awake and listen the whole twenty minutes he spends in there. Next, you hear him in the kitchen, and the thought makes your stomach growl. You haven’t eaten since midway through the ride home earlier, and that’s hardly worth mentioning. Maybe you should get up and see him, eat with him, if that’s what he’s doing. But you can’t move. You look at your phone: 9 pm. It’s not late at all, but the dark and the cold makes it feel so much later.

As soon as you smell coffee brewing, you decide to get up and check on him.

Seungmin is sitting in the kitchen, elbows on the counter, head down, face completely hidden in his hands. You can’t actually go out there and face him—no, you’re going to be a coward, because the possibility of his anger, no matter how small, is already making you tear up. But his little movements, the shake of his shoulders, make you think that’s what he’s already doing. You push the door up and slink back to bed and under the covers, and this time you somehow fall asleep.

/ / /

The cold air and smell of cigarette smoke wake you, hardly half an hour later, and as soon as you open your eyes, Seungmin slides the balcony door closed. You briefly shut them again when he walks up your side of the bed, and heads to his bookshelf. He looks at the flowers but does nothing else, and because he turned his lamp back on, you can see his face, and you can tell he was crying. He lifts his arm and wipes his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, so you have to assume he just managed to stop while he smoked.

He stretches his neck, pulls his sweatshirt off, and heads for his side of the bed. You feel the blankets shift, and the movement as he sits and slides himself underneath. Then you hear the rattle of a pill bottle…the full one, but you don’t hear him remove the lid. He shakes it again, as if he’s looking at it and thinking, but places it back on the table, unopened. You’re relieved when he finally settles onto his pillow. You can relax again, maybe even turn and face him in your pretend sleep, but you don’t get a chance; Seungmin moves closer, and closer. You try not to jump when his hand slides hesitantly up your arm, over your shoulder, and then back down. He moves once more, until his chest can press against your back.

You’re positive he can feel your racing heart, your erratic breathing. His steady breath is traveling down your neck, under the collar of his tshirt you’re still wearing. Should you say something, let him know you’re awake and here with him? It’s possible the thought of you sleeping while he does this makes it easier, and you don’t want to ruin that, so you wait. His hand is on you again, but the touch is still hesitant and stuttery. Seungmin is thinking about his next move. He’s unsure.

After a few more moments, it slides between your arm and your waist, wraps around your stomach, and gently squeezes. He’s pulling you tight against him, finally, all of him. His forehead rests against the nape of your neck; his hips, his thighs, all curve and surround you. Skin on skin, warm under the blankets. You wait until you feel him relax, then set your hand over his…

“Oh, did I wake you?”

“No, you didn’t.” You feel him pull his hand back, but you hold tight and lace your fingers with his. “You didn’t.”

“How long have you been up?”

“Not long, I heard you coming in from the balcony.” Seungmin isn’t as relaxed now. You can feel his body tense, and his breathing change. “I felt you climb into bed.”

He pulls away again, and this time, he escapes your grasp. Seungmin pushes himself back, and when you turn to look, he’s already facing away, readjusting himself back into his spot.

“Seungmin?” Does he think you saw him crying? He must, and he’s right. Should you tell him he’s allowed to do that? “Can I come over there?” You whisper. “Please.”

“If you want to”

“I do,” you crawl to him and get back under the blankets, but instead of wrapping an arm around his waist, you grab his hip and pull until he’s flat on his back. “If…you want me to,” you really hope your smile will spread to him, but he just looks exhausted. His eyes are red and swollen, and his face is pale.

“Say it again,” he mumbles.

“Say what?"

Seungmin lets you push the hair away from his forehead and out of his eyes. “My name."

“Your name?”

He nods and closes his eyes, so your gaze drops to his lips—you haven’t kissed them in a long time, and now seems like the perfect opportunity. “Seungmin.”

“Mm, I like the way it sounds when you say it”

“Have I been saying it okay? Is my accent messing it up?”

“No…it’s perfect”

You take a chance while his eyes are still closed, first at the corner of mouth, and then a little closer. He doesn’t move, so you press your lips firmly against his. He returns it, and his breath deepens. You think he might stop at any moment, so you enjoy it—the way he tastes, the coffee and the leftover minty sweetness of his cigarette. He stays, though. He touches you. Seungmin’s hand moves to your waist and pulls you closer, and you think, maybe the night will be okay now…but it doesn’t last very long. It’s gone, and he turns his head until you stop kissing. Your lips land on his neck, and they stay there.

“Seungmin” you say again, whispering it slowly and carefully.

“I haven't been feeling very good”

“You haven't? What is it?”

He sniffles, and moves his legs against yours under the blankets. Seungmin is warm, but not fever-warm, and something tells you he doesn’t mean physically. Maybe he’ll open up this door, though. Telling you he isn’t feeling well is already a lock unlocked.

But he doesn’t say another word. What he does do is let you touch—he relaxes again as your palm slides over his chest, down his stomach. You press your lips to his collarbone and make a path across his shoulder. “Tell me what’s hurting.”

“Everything”

“Everything?”

“Almost everything”

"Your body?"

He slowly shakes his head.

"Something up here?"

Seungmin's eyes dart toward you as your fingers run through his hair. He thinks for a long moment before answering. "A little."

"Alright, one more...here?"

His hand closes over yours on his chest, but he doesn't give you a yes or no answer. If it's a yes, which you suspect it is, he's probably not going to give you anything else. You leave it at that.

“Tell me what feels okay, maybe it’ll help a little,” you follow the path you made, returning to his collarbone, and working your way up his neck. This time he’s more receptive to it, and his cheek turns to press against yours. “What feels good?”

Seungmin sets his hand on the small of your back and brings you closer. “Good?”

“Mhm…and how can I make it even better? Let me make you feel good.”

“Bite”

“Bite?”

“Right there, please”

You don’t bite yet, but you kiss him again, lick, and graze your teeth across his skin. “Right here?”

The sound he makes is small, and desperate, like he’s afraid you might not do it. “Please.”

Very cautiously, you suck the skin again, and bite until he makes another sound. It feels like a lot of pressure, but it’s not enough for him. You try again.

“Yeah…like that,” he moans, and squirms beneath you, “don’t be shy.”

The spot you sunk your teeth into starts to turn red, and the marks are there…but you didn’t break the skin. You kiss it, and then kiss a new spot just below it and nibble. When he squirms again, you bite down hard, and this time he sounds satisfied. He grabs your hand and guides it under his waistband, and you bite again when your fingers move over his head, down the length of his cock. You stroke him, and watch him watch you work.

“Don’t stop,” he brings you down to his chest, and when your tongue finds his nipple, “harder please”…you bite, and his hips push into your touch. “Fuck.”

You don’t hold back this time, and you feel the skin break between your teeth. The coppery taste of blood hits your tongue when you lick the spot, and Seungmin makes a sound like he’s never made for you before, and he moans your name…

“Seungmin”

“Mmm…yeah?” He sighs and grips your arm as you stroke, “yeah?” and he smiles as his head hits the pillow. Blood starts to bead from the mark on his chest, and it slowly drips down toward his stomach.

You watch it, then look at him, and the urge to clean it off is too strong to ignore. This is new for you. Is it new for him? Before you get the chance to try, he sits up. “Oh, you gonna bite me?”

Seungmin smiles, shakes his head, “no,” and gets himself out of his shorts, “no, sit back…” he touches you, and slides his hands up your outer thighs, but instead of undressing, they come back down, caressing, squeezing, as if he’s taking a moment to admire you. It gives you a knot in your stomach, the thought of it, and the look on his face. The next time they move up, he grabs your underwear and pulls.

The knot grows; the nervous feeling in your stomach won’t go away, and you don’t know why, because you’ve been here already. You’ve been with him, no panic attack. Again, he touches—very softly runs his fingertips over the top of your thigh and to your knee.

“Give me your arms, hold onto me.” He throws more pillows behind you, and rearranges them while he holds you against him. It feels so sweet and so personal, how he’s tending to the spot where he wants you. “Comfortable?”

“Oh…yeah,” you grip the back of his neck, and the other hand digs into his side. “This is nice.”

“Mm, your nails are sharp”

“Are they? Sorry,” you adjust your hold on him, but he shakes his head as you do.

“No…do your worst. Or your best, I guess.”

The thin line of blood running down his chest is beginning to dry, and the marks you made all over him are darkening. He wants more, though, and you can do that. You gently rake your fingers up his back…just enough to tickle, and then back down with a little more pressure. At the same time, his fingers tease you, ghosting up and down so perfectly and carefully.

You spread your legs in anticipation of more. “Hey,” you whisper. His eyes are wide open, but focused elsewhere, just away from you. He’s thinking hard, or spacing out…you can’t tell. “Look at me.”

A little smile tugs at his lips when he looks up, “hm?” And his eyes are big and shining inches from yours, ready to swallow you up. He pushes his hair away from his forehead and comes in for a kiss, and you’re not prepared. At all. It’s just like the elevator kiss—so deep and eager like he can’t get close enough. You fall back on your spot and pull him with you, and he keeps going, slips his tongue in, and moans softly into your mouth. You scratch across his back, not enough to mark, and he does it again.

Each time, you give him more. A little more pressure, a little slower.

He slides in, and with each push, hits deeper and stretches more. His lips keep kissing, though, like he’s trying to distract from the pain he might be causing as he pushes every inch into you. But with every twinge of pain, you dig deeper, pull so slowly, and feel your nails get close to breaking skin.

When you open your eyes to check, his upper back is so much more red and angry than you anticipated.

“Don’t stop,” he whines as he finally pulls away from the kiss.

“It looks so sore…Seungmin, I dunno if I can…” from here you see old scratches mixed in with the new ones, much older, scarred over—they look like more than scratches. How did you never notice them before? You’ve never seen him like this, in this light.

“You can,” he pants, “please.”

The skin is hot when you touch it, and you wince just thinking about how it must feel, but Seungmin doesn’t make a sound when you graze over it. He does, however, let you know that he likes it when you push your nails in again. One more swipe and you see blood.

You stop, and he doesn’t ask you to do it again—instead, he pushes in fully and stays there, kisses and sucks at your neck, nibbles a little, but nothing like what you did to him.

“Good,” he sighs and pushes your thighs upward, and he starts to move in and out, slow at first, but he can’t help himself. His breath catches as he speeds up, and loses himself in the moment, but still, he stays in your neck, moaning against your skin, and breathing down your back…into your ear where he whispers a fuck…fuck, as if he could come any second.

“Slow,” you knead your fingers into his hip, hold him off a little bit, “slow down, relax.”

Seungmin listens and does his best, but it feels too good.

“We have all night...all night”

But this is what he needs. He wants it now. This will make him feel better. All of this. The sting of his back, the gentle throb from each little bite mark, you squeezing so tight around him.

You place a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere…Seungmin?” Then move it to the nape of his neck, being careful not to touch the scratches.

This time, he slows much more, almost stops. You worry for a moment and wonder if the words didn’t fall quite right on his ears, but you meant want you said—you’re not leaving.

“I do want you…all night,” Seungmin smiles, and he lets out a laugh tinged with nerves, as if he’s embarrassed about admitting exactly what he wants, or what he needs.

“Good. Did this…” you touch the spot on his chest, and smear the almost dried blood. Then you touch another. “Did this help?”

“A little”

“Sit up,” you hook your arm around his neck as he rises, and now you can slide onto his lap. “Hold onto me.”

Seungmin holds you where you are, hands on your hips, eyes on the space between you. You lift yourself, and you don’t have to tell him what to do—you’re more than ready for him again, and his cock slides in smoothly as you come down.

“Oh, that’s good.” Seungmin is smiling again, and his satisfied laugh is much less anxious. He grabs the back of your shirt and pulls so he can see everything as you move up and down on him…”neomu johda” he mumbles under his breath, “nice and slow,” lifts your shirt over your head, and both arms wrap around you.

“Much better, yeah?”

His presses his cheek against your chest, and you can feel his nod.

“I don’t mind working for it”

Seungmin laughs again, and turns his face to kiss wherever he can get to; your shoulders, your throat, down your chest to the soft skin of your breast. He’s surprisingly gentle when he gets there, and even more so when he runs his tongue around your nipple. He stares up at you, eyes wide and shining, as if he’s waiting for something…your reaction, your approval. It’s not a side of him you’ve seen—you didn’t think he even had a side like this.

You run the pad of your thumb just under his eye, where a faint scar shines in the light, and he smiles again. His face disappears against you, so all you see is the top of his peachy-colored head. Seungmin squeezes you close before letting go, and he falls back to rest on his palms.

“Cute”

His eyes open even wider, “what?” And he very slowly lowers himself as you push him flat on his back. “Me?”

“Maybe”

“Maybe?”

“You know what would be really cute?” You ask.

“What’s that?”

“You…coming for me”

Seungmin smirks when you laugh, and slowly rolls his hips, “so I can come now?” Your laugh turns to a moan. He does it again, and takes your hands in his. “How’s that feel?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“Don’t stop”

He doesn’t. Seungmin rolls his hips, sliding in and out so smoothly, but the stretch, the pain—this pain feels so good, just like his pain, your bites and your scratches. And the pressure as you finally get all of him in, when your body finally slams into his hips, Seungmin moves faster and faster, pulling you down close enough to kiss as he fucks you. He bites softly at your lip, slides his tongue against yours. The kiss throws you over the edge, and your orgasm hits so fast, and so hard, you scream right down his throat. His cum runs warm out of you as he slows, and stops, but you keep kissing, and Seungmin returns it.

“Okay,” you don’t want to, but you pull away to breathe, and Seungmin pulls you back for one more, “okay.” You lay down on him and try to catch your breath, listen as he catches his, and close your eyes to the feel of his chest rising and falling. One hand slides across your shoulders, and the other sets at his side, fingers fidgeting and picking at the blanket, and everything feels good, and normal.

The rumble in his chest as he groans and sighs brings you back a little, but you’re not ready to be back quite yet. It’s too nice, laying here on his chest, listening to the wild beat of his heart. But you give in, and look up at him—Seungmin is just as relaxed, maybe more. You slowly lift yourself off of him, and pull at the blankets, but you’re the wrong way around, and covering up isn’t easy.

“Seungmin?”

His eyes open slowly, and then immediately shut again.

“Turn over, so I can look at your back.” He listens, but this time, he winces in pain when the skin moves and stretches. “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

Before you get up, you have to give your legs a stretch, and before you can walk, you stand for a moment and adjust. As soon as your shirt is back over your head, you carefully head to the bathroom, trying not to trip in the dark. The hand towels are in the very last drawer you check, but the water comes out ice cold, just like you need it.

You lost yourself with him. Pushing him on his back was stupid, and a few of the scratches broke open even more.

“How does it feel?” You ask, and very slowly drape the cold towel across his shoulders. He winches again, but it’s quickly followed by a sigh of relief. “It hurts now that the moment is over, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, but it’s not as bad as it looks. I promise.”

Even if you do believe him, you can still see the pink of his blood coming through the opposite side of the thin towel. It spreads out and connects and starts to look like angel wings…butterfly wings. You think of the old note in his music box.

“Are there lots of butterflies in the greenhouse in spring?”

“Hm?” Seungmin lifts his head and tries to look at you, but you’re too far back. “Butterflies?”

“Yeah,” maybe you shouldn’t be mentioning the greenhouse right now, or bringing the trip back to his mind, but…he was happy for it. “The heliotrope and the asters, butterflies love them.”

“Yeah, you’re right…that’s why—“ he stops himself and lays his head back down on the bed, “that’s why they’re in there. Why do you ask?”

“Uhm, no reason…it just came to mind”

“We’ll see in a few months, I guess”

In a few months. In the future. That’s a nice thought. Will you both still be here? You look down at him and wonder as you gently lift the towel to inspect. “Do you have any antibiotic ointment?”

“You don’t have to do all that”

“Bathroom?”

Seungmin nods.

/ / /

He stares at you from his spot on the bed, right side up this time. Seungmin is on his stomach still, with one pillow fluffed up under his head and chest. You can’t tell for sure, but he might be a little annoyed at you for covering him in cream and making him stay still.

“Are you going to sleep?” He asks in a small voice. “Are you tired?”

“No, I’m not anymore…but you look tired”

“I’m always tired,” he turns away and pushes his face into the pillow, “or I always look tired.”

“No, you don’t. Just very pensive, and sad, and handsome.”

“Handsome? You said I was cute.” His face is still mostly hidden, but you can see one eye peeking at you.

“Yeah, you’re cute when you think really hard, or when you’re worried”

“So, all the time?”

“All the time”

The quiet that falls over the room is nice—it’s not awkward, or filled with questions. There’s no tension. Seungmin just lies there, eyes closed, comfortable and content, and he doesn’t move when you lay down next to him. You could fall asleep if you allowed yourself, but you could also lay here and look at him for a little while longer. All night. You pull the blankets higher, grab a second pillow, and something familiar catches your eye. The little yellow puppy rolls and falls between the bed frame and the wall, but you catch him just before he disappears. “Do you walk around on your own?” His big black eyes stare silently, and they remind you of someone.

“Do I look sad all the time?”

There they are…they open so wide, and he seems to focus on a spot somewhere behind you—somewhere in the dark where the light doesn’t reach.

“No, you don’t look sad right now”

Seungmin reaches out and takes his friend by the paw, squeezes it. Now he looks sad, as if something suddenly started weighing on his mind. You glance to the table where his pills sit, and wonder, stupidly, if you should ask about them—ask very gently if he’s given them a chance. Not tonight, though. “Does he have a name?”

“Hm? Oh…him, yeah he does. His name is Daengmo.” Seungmin smiles as he says it, but it matches the rest of him; sad. “Daengmo,” he whispers.

“Does it mean anything?”

“Yes, daengdaengie is for puppy, mo is…uhm,” he stops and thinks. Or hesitates. “Mo, for a nickname I had when I was little.”

“Mo? Your nickname was Mo?”

“Mo, or Seungmo. My mom called me that when I didn’t listen…when I misbehaved.”

“Maybe I should be calling you Mo”

The sad look fades a little, “because I’m bad?” Seungmin lifts himself up on his elbows and turns on his side.

“You are, objectively, sometimes. But…” Seungmin does bad things, and you’ve witnessed some of it. He’s lied, and he’s manipulated. He might still be lying, for all you know. But he’s also told you truths. You’re choosing to trust him right now, just like you’ve been since he brought you home, because he has shown you a surprising amount of kindness even though it was clearly difficult for him. “No, I don’t think you’re bad," ...because you think you might be in love with him.

“I’m glad you think that. I am, though. I’m a nightmare."

⏤ die with a smile ࣪ ⤹

after a horrible nightmare, seungmin wakes in a panic. you comfort him.

꒰ kim seungmin + gn!reader ⏤ 2.2k words ꒱ oneshot

༄ content info & warnings !! apocalyptic au. established relationship. hurt/comfort; angst and then fluff ⋆ depictions of major character death (don’t worry everybody lives). zombies. violence against said zombies. seungmin disassociates a little.

✉️𓂃 ࣪˖ gmc if you see this… no you don’t! anyways, this is inspired by die with a smile by bruno mars & lady gaga, hence the name. originally this was going to be wayyy longer & much sappier, but i don’t know if anybody would wanna read allat. with that being said, lmk if a pt 2 is wanted! enjoy :) feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Seungmin tries to shout, but all that comes out in place of his voice is a hoarse, desperate whimper as he tears down the highway as fast as his legs will carry him. His throat clicks dryly when he swallows and he finds himself growing nauseous at the horrified panic that is beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach. He ignores it and presses on.

His limbs grow heavier with exhaustion at every pounding step he takes, but there's no time to pay the burning in his calves any mind as he wildly races over the decaying asphalt. His focus is fixated solely on his lover just up the road, who is ruthlessly cutting down a disgusting horde of revived corpses with an old axe.

Adrenaline courses through Seungmin's veins as he finally nears the cluster of the zombies swarming his partner. Without a second thought, he rips a pistol from his thigh holster to aim just as you catch sight of him with wide eyes. You duck with a gasp right before the sound of gunshots reverberate loudly through the air, leaving the gory skulls of three zombies pierced right through the center a breath later.

Seungmin grimaces at the remaining handful of cadavers dazedly turning to limp in his direction - set off by the noise, no doubt. Thankfully, you had taken care of most of them before he'd arrived, leaving the weakest of the horde for him to deal with.

Seungmin pays careful mind to you as he kills off the last threats, conscious of how much ammo he uses. When they all fall limp to the ground and no longer twitch with cognition, the two of you pause with bated breaths as you await another possible ambush.

A beat passes. Another, and another - nothing comes. Seungmin's shoulders sag in relief, and the overexertion suddenly slams into him like a truck now that the adrenaline is beginning to seep out of his veins. The realization is quickly wiped from his mind, however, when a warm, sweaty body collides into his own, completely encompassing his figure in a bone-crushing hug.

He feels the relieved sobs that drench the shoulder of his worn jacket before he hears them when you bury your face there, inhaling his musk. He's sure he doesn't smell pleasant, but Seungmin doesn't have the heart to push you away and make a stupid joke about what just happened. Nobody is promised tomorrow — every day spent on this earth, apocalyptic or not, is an austere reminder of that.

He's pulled away from the ceaseless ramble of his mind when you look up with a sniffle, eyes rimmed red with tear tracks adorning your cheeks. Seungmin gazes back in silence and softly rocks the two of you back and forth, his palms rubbing a soothing tempo into the dip of your shoulder blades. Neither of you speak; your actions are more a conversation than any words could be at the moment.

You clear your throat after a moment of simply taking in the slopes of his facial features, brushing away a stray lock of hair that drapes over your eyes. "That was close, yeah?" You murmur, stepping away on shaky legs. Seungmin doesn't comment on the way your words tremble and nods in lieu of response, adjusting his thigh holster as he eyes the horizon.

"The next city is about five miles out," he sighs with a grimace. A strong gust of wind threads through his hair, and you shiver beside him at the unbidden reminder of the dropping temperatures due to the approaching winter. Seungmin notices and easily shakes off his jacket without hesitation, pushing it into your chest as he ambles back whence he came.

"Let's get the car," he calls over his shoulder as he walks away. No pair of footsteps follow his own, so he assumes you’re simply standing to put on the jacket before walking. "I don't know if we'll have enough gas to make it in one trip, but it should be alr-”

A scream rips through the air and something primal flips instantaneously in Seungmin's brain. He whips around, pupils dilating in alarm, to find an undead plastered against your back with its rotten teeth sunken deep into the flesh of your neck.

Seungmin would've stood and balked if his instincts didn't kick in. Instead, he finds himself bolting back to you with his gun in hand once again. It takes him two seconds to aim and shoot, precisely killing the zombie they once believed to be dead.

But it's two seconds too long; the virus is swiftly spreading through your body. The infection is already becoming glaringly evident near the bite mark: your once beautiful complexion now grows deathly pale, and the skin surrounding the wound is beginning to raise and turn a harsh shade of purple. Seungmin feels the blood draining from his own face as he draws to a stop, panting in disbelief.

He's a few feet away when his arms fall limp at his sides, gun still in hand, leaving him to simply stare. There's nothing to do. You’re crying again, this time in silence. Seungmin distantly feels teardrops trickling down his own face, fat and hot and ugly, but he takes in the sensation from a place seated deep in his mind. It feels like he's watching the scene unfold through a windshield from the backseat of a car, where he's strapped into a seat and too fuzzy to properly move.

He blinks. The movement is slow, he notes. That's not right, though, because he's never slow. Everything feels muted and distant — this can't be real, right?

Seungmin shakily croaks out your name, frozen in place. His gun drops forgotten to the pavement below as he helplessly watches your body begin to twitch and the infection mark pulse. His heart squeezes painfully in his chest while his stomach drops somewhere far below the lowest depths of Hell.

You say something back, but your voice is too small to carry across the distance that yawns between you two. His breath stutters and he moves to step closer despite the danger. He just wants to hold you one last—

"SEUNGMIN! Dude, wake up?!"

Seungmin jolts upright with a gasp, gaze flying in a startled search around the room as his chest heaves. He kicks the covers off his legs and springs up, trying to ground himself with the familiar, suffocating stench of burnt wood that begins to overwhelm his nose. He's sweating, he realizes, as he leans against the wall and focuses on finding an even breathing pattern.

It takes him several moments to calm down, and once he comes back to himself he realizes you’re gently rubbing circles into the small of his back while whispering reassurance into the quiet of the room, sans your shared low breaths and the crackle of the fire.

Seungmin slumps to the floor with a fatigued groan, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. You crouch down beside him and pat his arm in sympathy. "Nightmare?" You frown, moving to sit beside him.

A wave of nausea rolls over him at the reminder of what had him so worked up in the first place. "Yeah," he huffs as he drops his arms, lips pulling into a tight line as he mulls over how to explain the dream best.

"We were traveling like usual," Seungmin starts after a moment of collecting his thoughts. You sidle closer, attentive despite your weariness from your lack of sleep. It's currently your shift to keep watch, but Seungmin accidentally cut his rest time short all thanks to the absolutely wonderful dream he had. What a sick joke.

"For some reason we had been separated. When the dream started, I was running to you down an old highway. You were fighting off an entire horde by yourself, and I was nowhere to be found.

"When I finally make it over there, I help you take down the few that were left — we wait a bit, like usual, you know, to see if they're actually dead. Nothing moves after a while, so we hugged out of relief. You could’ve... died, you know?” He breathes, before shaking his head and continuing.

"You cried on me," he says, a faint smile tugging at his lips. This one, though, isn't one of glee. He goes on, "It's almost winter in this dream. There's a cold breeze, so I give you my jacket and I head back to the car which was where I came from.

"But as I'm walking, you don't follow," he says, fighting against the way his throat threatens to close up again. "I just assume you're putting on my jacket. But then you s-scream, and I turn and you're—”

He doesn't notice the tears clouding his vision until one falls, and he winces in humiliation. "Sorry, I know it's dumb, but it just felt so real and then you got bit and I watched you turn—"

"Hey, hey," You worriedly mumble, intertwining their fingers. You squeeze hard, and Seungmin welcomes the pain because it keeps him barely tethered to reality. You clamber into his lap, cupping his thin cheeks in your palms and swiping away the stray tear. "Min, I'm right here with you. I'm alive, okay? We're safe right now."

He wraps his arms around you, burying his face into your neck as more tears escape him and soak your skin. "Nobody's promised tomorrow," he gasps out between sobs, recalling how he thought the exact same in the nightmare.

He feels the way your frame slumps against his own, presumably at how devastated, how heartbroken, how lost your lover sounds. "I know," you can only whisper sadly as he continues to cry. "That just... it just means we should love each other like it's the last night we'll ever have, right? We s-should," you sniffle, your own tears building up, "cherish each moment together, even in this hellscape."

Seungmin only bawls harder. You fall silent after that and let him get it all out — it's not often you two have such solace in a space this soundproof and secure to stay in for the night, so now is a good opportunity to be free in volume. Neither of you are sure of when the chance will arise again.

When the brunt of his cries eventually quiet down into occasional hiccups, you push off of him and dab at your drenched neck with the hem of your ratty tee while passing him a canteen of water. He takes it gratefully and sips, careful of overconsumption; it's better to save it for more dire situations.

While he drinks, you find your seat beside him again. The two of you stay there side by side for a while, just admiring the flames as you both get lost in your respective thoughts. Seungmin is the first to break the silence after who knows how long.

"If the world hadn't ended, do you think we would've had a meet-cute or meet-ugly?"

The question prompts a giggle out of you as you cocks your head to face him. The melodious chime of it brings a grin to Seungmin's face, too, and he thinks — no, knows — it's a sound he'll never tire of.

“A meet-ugly for sure. I used to work at a café, so maybe you could’ve been a customer that I accidentally spilled hot coffee all over. Mm, yeah,” you say with a nod. “And then I would’ve been at a loss on what to do after that, so I’d try to make it up to you by buying you dinner?"

"That's awfully detailed," he snorts, and you smack his arm in playful reproach. "You put some thought into this?"

You roll your eyes, an exasperated smile tugging at your lips. “Duh. After ten years of wandering around an apocalyptic world together, your mind tends to think of everything as time passes.”

“Meh, meh, meh,” he mocks you playfully, just to ignore the mushy feeling forming in his chest. “Just say you’re in love with me at this point.”

You flip him off with a scoff, but scoot closer anyway to press your weight against him and rest your head on his shoulder. Now that he thinks about it, neither of you have ever actually spoken the words aloud. Like, ever. Which isn’t really a surprise — there’s no need to verbalize what’s between you two when it’s glaringly obvious in both of your actions already.

But something gnaws at Seungmin. The words itch in his throat, threatening to spill off his tongue now that the moment is so tender and the night is still. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, right? So why not do everything he’s capable of while he walks this earth?

“Hey, baby…”

You continues to stare at the fire, eyes beginning to droop as you give a quiet hm? in response. He can tell sleep is beginning to creep up on you, lulling you into a rare calm and drowsy state, but he doesn’t mind.

“I love you.”

You mumble something sleepily in reply. Seungmin is sure you heard him, but he’ll simply tell you again when you’re more lucid in the morning. And again, when the two of you pack up and continue the trek to whatever location is next. And again, he concludes, for the rest of his days.

After all, every day he wakes is truly a blessing, despite the wretched curse the world has fallen under. So, why not make the most of what time he has, right?

2024 © nxtt2-u on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

taglist : @pochaccomin

die with a smile ⟢ kim seungmin.

SUMMARY. after a horrible nightmare, seungmin wakes in a panic. you comfort him.

INFO. 2.2k words. gn!reader. apocalyptic au. established relationship. hurt/comfort ; angst and then fluff.

WARNINGS. depictions of major character death (don’t worry everybody lives). zombies. violence against said zombies. seungmin disassociates a little.

NOTES. gmc if you see this… no you don’t! anyways, this is inspired by die with a smile by bruno mars & lady gaga, hence the name. originally this was going to be wayyy longer & much sappier, but i don’t know if anybody would wanna read allat. with that being said, lmk if a pt 2 is wanted! enjoy :) feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Seungmin tries to shout, but all that comes out in place of his voice is a hoarse, desperate whimper as he tears down the highway as fast as his legs will carry him. His throat clicks dryly when he swallows and he finds himself growing nauseous at the horrified panic that is beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach. He ignores it and presses on.

His limbs grow heavier with exhaustion at every pounding step he takes, but there's no time to pay the burning in his calves any mind as he wildly races over the decaying asphalt. His focus is fixated solely on his lover just up the road, who is ruthlessly cutting down a disgusting horde of revived corpses with an old axe.

Adrenaline courses through Seungmin's veins as he finally nears the cluster of the zombies swarming his partner. Without a second thought, he rips a pistol from his thigh holster to aim just as you catch sight of him with wide eyes. You duck with a gasp right before the sound of gunshots reverberate loudly through the air, leaving the gory skulls of three zombies pierced right through the center a breath later.

Seungmin grimaces at the remaining handful of cadavers dazedly turning to limp in his direction - set off by the noise, no doubt. Thankfully, you had taken care of most of them before he'd arrived, leaving the weakest of the horde for him to deal with.

Seungmin pays careful mind to you as he kills off the last threats, conscious of how much ammo he uses. When they all fall limp to the ground and no longer twitch with cognition, the two of you pause with bated breaths as you await another possible ambush.

A beat passes. Another, and another - nothing comes. Seungmin's shoulders sag in relief, and the overexertion suddenly slams into him like a truck now that the adrenaline is beginning to seep out of his veins. The realization is quickly wiped from his mind, however, when a warm, sweaty body collides into his own, completely encompassing his figure in a bone-crushing hug.

He feels the relieved sobs that drench the shoulder of his worn jacket before he hears them when you bury your face there, inhaling his musk. He's sure he doesn't smell pleasant, but Seungmin doesn't have the heart to push you away and make a stupid joke about what just happened. Nobody is promised tomorrow — every day spent on this earth, apocalyptic or not, is an austere reminder of that.

He's pulled away from the ceaseless ramble of his mind when you look up with a sniffle, eyes rimmed red with tear tracks adorning your cheeks. Seungmin gazes back in silence and softly rocks the two of you back and forth, his palms rubbing a soothing tempo into the dip of your shoulder blades. Neither of you speak; your actions are more a conversation than any words could be at the moment.

You clear your throat after a moment of simply taking in the slopes of his facial features, brushing away a stray lock of hair that drapes over your eyes. "That was close, yeah?" You murmur, stepping away on shaky legs. Seungmin doesn't comment on the way your words tremble and nods in lieu of response, adjusting his thigh holster as he eyes the horizon.

"The next city is about five miles out," he sighs with a grimace. A strong gust of wind threads through his hair, and you shiver beside him at the unbidden reminder of the dropping temperatures due to the approaching winter. Seungmin notices and easily shakes off his jacket without hesitation, pushing it into your chest as he ambles back whence he came.

"Let's get the car," he calls over his shoulder as he walks away. No pair of footsteps follow his own, so he assumes you’re simply standing to put on the jacket before walking. "I don't know if we'll have enough gas to make it in one trip, but it should be alr-”

A scream rips through the air and something primal flips instantaneously in Seungmin's brain. He whips around, pupils dilating in alarm, to find an undead plastered against your back with its rotten teeth sunken deep into the flesh of your neck.

Seungmin would've stood and balked if his instincts didn't kick in. Instead, he finds himself bolting back to you with his gun in hand once again. It takes him two seconds to aim and shoot, precisely killing the zombie they once believed to be dead.

But it's two seconds too long; the virus is swiftly spreading through your body. The infection is already becoming glaringly evident near the bite mark: your once beautiful complexion now grows deathly pale, and the skin surrounding the wound is beginning to raise and turn a harsh shade of purple. Seungmin feels the blood draining from his own face as he draws to a stop, panting in disbelief.

He's a few feet away when his arms fall limp at his sides, gun still in hand, leaving him to simply stare. There's nothing to do. You’re crying again, this time in silence. Seungmin distantly feels teardrops trickling down his own face, fat and hot and ugly, but he takes in the sensation from a place seated deep in his mind. It feels like he's watching the scene unfold through a windshield from the backseat of a car, where he's strapped into a seat and too fuzzy to properly move.

He blinks. The movement is slow, he notes. That's not right, though, because he's never slow. Everything feels muted and distant — this can't be real, right?

Seungmin shakily croaks out your name, frozen in place. His gun drops forgotten to the pavement below as he helplessly watches your body begin to twitch and the infection mark pulse. His heart squeezes painfully in his chest while his stomach drops somewhere far below the lowest depths of Hell.

You say something back, but your voice is too small to carry across the distance that yawns between you two. His breath stutters and he moves to step closer despite the danger. He just wants to hold you one last—

"SEUNGMIN! Dude, wake up?!"

Seungmin jolts upright with a gasp, gaze flying in a startled search around the room as his chest heaves. He kicks the covers off his legs and springs up, trying to ground himself with the familiar, suffocating stench of burnt wood that begins to overwhelm his nose. He's sweating, he realizes, as he leans against the wall and focuses on finding an even breathing pattern.

It takes him several moments to calm down, and once he comes back to himself he realizes you’re gently rubbing circles into the small of his back while whispering reassurance into the quiet of the room, sans your shared low breaths and the crackle of the fire.

Seungmin slumps to the floor with a fatigued groan, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. You crouch down beside him and pat his arm in sympathy. "Nightmare?" You frown, moving to sit beside him.

A wave of nausea rolls over him at the reminder of what had him so worked up in the first place. "Yeah," he huffs as he drops his arms, lips pulling into a tight line as he mulls over how to explain the dream best.

"We were traveling like usual," Seungmin starts after a moment of collecting his thoughts. You sidle closer, attentive despite your weariness from your lack of sleep. It's currently your shift to keep watch, but Seungmin accidentally cut his rest time short all thanks to the absolutely wonderful dream he had. What a sick joke.

"For some reason we had been separated. When the dream started, I was running to you down an old highway. You were fighting off an entire horde by yourself, and I was nowhere to be found.

"When I finally make it over there, I help you take down the few that were left — we wait a bit, like usual, you know, to see if they're actually dead. Nothing moves after a while, so we hugged out of relief. You could’ve... died, you know?” He breathes, before shaking his head and continuing.

"You cried on me," he says, a faint smile tugging at his lips. This one, though, isn't one of glee. He goes on, "It's almost winter in this dream. There's a cold breeze, so I give you my jacket and I head back to the car which was where I came from.

"But as I'm walking, you don't follow," he says, fighting against the way his throat threatens to close up again. "I just assume you're putting on my jacket. But then you s-scream, and I turn and you're—”

He doesn't notice the tears clouding his vision until one falls, and he winces in humiliation. "Sorry, I know it's dumb, but it just felt so real and then you got bit and I watched you turn—"

"Hey, hey," You worriedly mumble, intertwining their fingers. You squeeze hard, and Seungmin welcomes the pain because it keeps him barely tethered to reality. You clamber into his lap, cupping his thin cheeks in your palms and swiping away the stray tear. "Min, I'm right here with you. I'm alive, okay? We're safe right now."

He wraps his arms around you, burying his face into your neck as more tears escape him and soak your skin. "Nobody's promised tomorrow," he gasps out between sobs, recalling how he thought the exact same in the nightmare.

He feels the way your frame slumps against his own, presumably at how devastated, how heartbroken, how lost your lover sounds. "I know," you can only whisper sadly as he continues to cry. "That just... it just means we should love each other like it's the last night we'll ever have, right? We s-should," you sniffle, your own tears building up, "cherish each moment together, even in this hellscape."

Seungmin only bawls harder. You fall silent after that and let him get it all out — it's not often you two have such solace in a space this soundproof and secure to stay in for the night, so now is a good opportunity to be free in volume. Neither of you are sure of when the chance will arise again.

When the brunt of his cries eventually quiet down into occasional hiccups, you push off of him and dab at your drenched neck with the hem of your ratty tee while passing him a canteen of water. He takes it gratefully and sips, careful of overconsumption; it's better to save it for more dire situations.

While he drinks, you find your seat beside him again. The two of you stay there side by side for a while, just admiring the flames as you both get lost in your respective thoughts. Seungmin is the first to break the silence after who knows how long.

"If the world hadn't ended, do you think we would've had a meet-cute or meet-ugly?"

The question prompts a giggle out of you as you cocks your head to face him. The melodious chime of it brings a grin to Seungmin's face, too, and he thinks — no, knows — it's a sound he'll never tire of.

“A meet-ugly for sure. I used to work at a café, so maybe you could’ve been a customer that I accidentally spilled hot coffee all over. Mm, yeah,” you say with a nod. “And then I would’ve been at a loss on what to do after that, so I’d try to make it up to you by buying you dinner?"

"That's awfully detailed," he snorts, and you smack his arm in playful reproach. "You put some thought into this?"

You roll your eyes, an exasperated smile tugging at your lips. “Duh. After ten years of wandering around an apocalyptic world together, your mind tends to think of everything as time passes.”

“Meh, meh, meh,” he mocks you playfully, just to ignore the mushy feeling forming in his chest. “Just say you’re in love with me at this point.”

You flip him off with a scoff, but scoot closer anyway to press your weight against him and rest your head on his shoulder. Now that he thinks about it, neither of you have ever actually spoken the words aloud. Like, ever. Which isn’t really a surprise — there’s no need to verbalize what’s between you two when it’s glaringly obvious in both of your actions already.

But something gnaws at Seungmin. The words itch in his throat, threatening to spill off his tongue now that the moment is so tender and the night is still. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, right? So why not do everything he’s capable of while he walks this earth?

“Hey, baby…”

You continues to stare at the fire, eyes beginning to droop as you give a quiet hm? in response. He can tell sleep is beginning to creep up on you, lulling you into a rare calm and drowsy state, but he doesn’t mind.

“I love you.”

You mumble something sleepily in reply. Seungmin is sure you heard him, but he’ll simply tell you again when you’re more lucid in the morning. And again, when the two of you pack up and continue the trek to whatever location is next. And again, he concludes, for the rest of his days.

After all, every day he wakes is truly a blessing, despite the wretched curse the world has fallen under. So, why not make the most of what time he has, right?

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