Melody'sblogs - Tumblr Posts

Greetings

Hi everyone! At first, I didn't intend on actually using the account to post anything but now I changed my mind and decided to make this my personal blog, so that way, I can post some things that's happening in my life and maybe have a chance to talk with anyone who have similar situations like me or anyone intesested. So, I'm Melody, and 17 years old and I'm an asian. And I'm gonna count today as my first day of blogging. I hope I get to talk with anyone.

So, I have a younger brother called william. As asians, since our mother language not being english, william and I were 'forced' to learn english by our somewhat strict asian parents. At first, I didn't very much enjoy it, but later on, I found myself enjoying learning it. The problem is william. He's not fond of studying, like at all. So, he only feels obligated to learn it, and slacking off. My parents are not having it. Every weekend, when william has english classes, they tend to throw tantrums. Seriously, it's affecting me and I can't take it. I'm really sensitive when it comes to family issues. What I think they 'should' do here is, instead of yelling, making a scene, comparing kids and stuffs, they 'really should' mame a stretagy plan on how to get him interested and actually start learning. Them throwing tantrums is seriously not helping at all. If it were me in his shoes, I simply wouldn't be ae to take it, the pressure is too much. I really hope they stop. I tried comforting them but they won't understand my point. So, I just can't help but hope they realise it sooner.

That's it for today. I have many other things or cases, but since today's the first day, I wanna keep it somewhat brief and not too much to take in for someone out there who actually reads this. I'm not sure if people will see this or even bother to read but still this blogging will be the only thing that keeps me sane during the crazy things that's happening in my life. Thank you! I wish whoever's reading a great day and happiness!

~Melody~

song recommendations

 Today, I wanna do a little bit of song recommendations so that some of you who likes to listen to nice songs can check them out and see if we have same taste!

1. WYA by Carlie Hanson

(This song makes me catch feelings, I fell in love with it since the first time hearing it. The song feels as if the singer was talking to herself but only the composer themselves will know. All in all, it’s a great song.)

2.To be young by Anne Marie

(This is a recent song, since I’m a teenager, I can feel every lyrics in this. Highly recommended for teens but really, anyone can check that out)

3. OK not to be OK by Marshmello & Demi Lovato

(This is one of my favourites, the lyrics are very heart-warming and it helped me when I was going through hard times. When you feel like life’s too hard to live on, breathe, go listen to this song and cry your heart out.❤️)

4. Comethru by Jeremy Zucker

(Some people might already know this. It’s such a calming song and boy, does he has an amazing voice. Perfect for any mood! 👌)

5. Today my life begins by Bruno Mars

(I doubt there is anyone who doesn’t know this legend; Bruno Mars. This song is full of inspirations who needs it. Seriously, this man makes the best songs.)

That’s it for today, if you like my recommendations, let me know. I might write more posts about this topic if you say so. Please follow my account for more contents. Thank you for your attention. 

~Melody~

Book recommendations

The last post was my song recommendations and I wanna do something similar to that in this too, which is books! As for me, I’m a book lover, I hope there’s someone who loves books like me, find this helpful. Maybe you’ve read everything but let’s get to it. 

1. Think and grow rich by Napoleon Hill

( I gotta say this is the greatest of all times one. Very helpful for us. Many people already knew this but I just had to put it in the list.)

2. Being a happy teenager by Andrew Matthews 

( Just as the title suggested, I’m pretty sure I don’t have to explain further. This book helped me a lot growing up. Definitely a must for teens like myself.)

3. Making friends by Andrew Matthews

( Another book by my favourite author. This is for those who’s socially awkward or when you’re having trouble in social life. It helped me make a lot of friends when I also used to have social anxiety.)

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s small stuff by Richard Carlson

( People overthink small stuff which they shouldn’t. In this book, you’ll see why you shouldn’t and how. I used to overthink all the time and honestly still do, I really needed this.)

5. How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

( This one is a must have. I’m guessing a lot of people or book lovers have read this masterpiece, if you haven’t, I recommend you to check it out.)

My book recommendations list ends here, but if you want me to make another one and if you love this list, just let me know. It would mean so much for me. Also, I usually read these kinds of books but if you want novel recommendations or something similar, let me know. Thank you, I wish whoever’s reading good luck and good day. 

~Melody~

Dreams

Hi, it’s me, Melody! What I wanna talk about this time is, dreams. Some teenagers have dreams about what they wanna do in the future and  some simply doesn't have one.Dreams do play an important role in peoples’ lives.  It’s totally fine if you don’t have one now, I believe you’ll find yours someday. 

As for me, I wanna be rich, like crazy rich, like a millionaire. Well, that’s actually a really common one if you think about it but still let a girl dream. Besides, it’s not entirely impossible for us, is it? There’s also another one; it’s to travel around the world. I’ve always wanted to visit those beautiful places that exist in this incredible world. That’ll be a great luxury. Imagine spending a night in an expensive suite and enjoying the scenery of the city. Everyone would love that, wouldn’t they? Okay so, before I get carried away with my daydreaming, I’ll stop this here and talk about my current reality. 

After I graduated from high school, I was actually lost about what to do. But then, I ended up choosing my university major as an IT student. Simply because there weren’t any other better choices that interest me. Back then, I was thinking, maybe I’ll become a game developer and apply for a job at a company. I got that idea solely from my love towards otome games (which are anime simulation types). But everything changed when my parents wanted me to continue their business in their stead. I had no interest in their work and I was strongly against the idea. They finally gave up but everything I’ve thought about until then crushed and I became lost again. I’ve decided to become a freelance software developer or something along the line at least. So that way, I can still fulfil my dream of traveling while I’m also able to work no matter where I am. My career path is pretty much unclear but I refuse to give up on my dream. I hope one day I’m able to do as I wish and  see my dreams becoming a reality. 

Thank you for reading till the end. I wish for you to find your dreams if you don’t have one yet and for those who has one, I wish you achieve it as soon as possible. Spreading love and kindness to everyone. I hope you have a good day!

~Melody~

Day 1

I thought why not do the 30 days writing challenge, it’ll be fun so here it is.

day 1 : describe your personality

Actually, I don’t know where to start with this. As a teenage girl who’s currently going through a growing up process, my personality changes a lot. Sometimes I went from 0 to 1000 real quick, which I mean like “I’m a fabulous queen” to “I’m a living failure who has no purpose in life”. It’s nothing too surprising though, I feel like most people can relate to this too. If I have to describe myself, I’m kinda savage and rebellious with my family, can seem cold to strangers, but actually nice with friends and bubbly. I have trust issues and family issues so it usually takes a lot of time to get to know me or for me to warm up to people. I have a positive mindset most of the time and is self-motivated and I’d say I’m pretty good at healing myself. I’m an ambivert, I’d like to stay quite but that doesn’t mean I don’t like participating in conversations or discussions. I like taking the lead in life and everything but I can be a good follower too. I’m also a feminist. I think that’s about it, I’m still changing and nothing really is set in stone. Sometimes, I even give myself a complete makeover ‘cuz I’m bored. So, these are common facts I can think of at the moment, about me. 

I wish whoever’s reading a good day and happiness. Spreading love to people. 

~Melody~

Day 2

day 2: things that make you happy

It usually doesn’t take much to make a teenager happy. For me, I’m happy when I’m alone around nature or flowers, when I'm reading a good book indoors with a cup of warm coffee while the rain gently pours outside. I love my own company and some little things make me happy. I’m happy when I’m daydreaming and when I’m doing whatever I want. Well, there’s not much I can say I guess. 

I hope whoever’s reading this a great day and wishing for your happiness. lots of love from me.

~Melody~  

Day 3

day 3: a memory

I had trouble thinking of this one. People tends to remember sad things over others, I do remember sad days far better than good memories. But I'd like to share a crazy memory. It was a year before my high school graduation, I signed myself up for a school play under the “stop human trafficking” champaign. I also signed myself up for the script writer and director. The chaos started there; the people in my class had literally no respect against each other. They rarely followed my instructions as a director, they did everything as they wished. I made a mistake in choosing the main actress and only realised that when she started causing trouble around the group. She had an argument with the main actor, with the setting crew and with literally everyone. It was such a huge mess. Despite the chaos inside our group, we managed to at least get the third prize. I was aiming for the first place with our script but we had to make do with that. Not to mention, I had to rewrite the script countless until the competition day drew near. Seriously, that gave me a lot of headache as the organiser. I've learned my lesson there too. What a crazy experience. 

Anyways, I hope whoever’s reading a great day. Sending love to everyone. 

~Melody~

day 4

30 days writing challenge

day 4: places you want to visit 

Everybody knows what I’m going to scream when asked this question; Japan! My number 1 favourite country. I’ve always dreamt of living there since I was very young. As you may or may not know, I'm an otaku and crazy about everything in Japan. 🇯🇵 My dream country. 

Next is Korea; I’ve recently started staning the best boy band; BTS and became an ARMY. So the desire to go there is rising with time and needless to say, Korea is a beautiful place. 

After that, I want to go to Paris; city of love, I've always wanted to go there too. Whether it be just me, myself or with my friends or with my special someone. It doesn’t really matter, the place is already romantic in its own ways. And then, the big apple, and many more. As I stated in my previous posts, my dream is to travel around the world but these are the places I want to go the most and first. 

I hope whoever’s reading a great day! Spreading love around. 

~Melody~

day 5

30 days writing challenge

day 5: your parents

This is a sensitive topic; I never really tell people what I’m going through. One, cuz’ I don’t trust them, two, they won’t understand, three, I’m lost myself. My parents and I don’t have a very good relationship, at least from my perspective. Sure, they give me anything I could possibly want but it’s not that simple. In the past, I was stressed, depressed and my insecurities were drowning me. It’ll be unfair to say they’re the cause of those but they’re related to those in many ways. My parents make me feel emotionally drained. I’m not really sure it’s ok to put the blame on them; I mean I know they’re stressed themselves and had anger issues and had no clue on how to raise kids properly. I can’t be in the same place as them, it suffocates me. At least, thanks to them, I’m who I am today; mature for my age, learned to fight insecurities and depression. We all go through many hardships in life, and they shaped you into who you are. Well, I'm proud of who I am actually. And I made a vow to myself that when I get married and have kids in the future, I'll make sure they know they’re loved, and raise them the best of my abilities and not let the history repeat itself. 

I hope whoever’s reading a great day, stay safe and loved.  

day 6

30 days writing challenge

day 6 : single and happy

“Nobody can love you more than you can love yourself.” I think this is so true. We don’t need someone to feel full and happy. After all, you’re the one responsible for your happiness. Of course, sometimes I feel like I want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, since I'm also a teen and all. Besides that, I do believe what I mentioned above. Plus, my past relationships brought nothing but headaches for me. Well, being single means freedom, less headache, and more time to invest in yourself. Single or in a relationship doesn't’t really matter when you’re happy. I enjoy my own company and my standards are kinda too high. Also, I do believe self love is the best love you can give yourself. 

Day 7

30 days writing challenge

day 7 :favourite movie

As I'm an otaku; my first and foremost favourite movie must be Howl’s moving castle. I love that movie very much, I love both the illustrations and storyline. I think it’s a wonderful movie. 

Another one has to be spirited away, although I'm not a fan of the female protagonist, I really love the plot and the male protagonist. This also is a wonderful movie, and I love the supernatural genres. 

Have a nice day everyone!

~Melody~

Maladaptive daydreaming

Today I learned that my addiction with daydreaming and my habit of constantly daydreaming in order to fall asleep is a psychology disorder called maladaptive daydreaming. It is said to be caused by trauma. It usually serves as an escape from reality when things get too hard for me to manage and in doing so, I cultivated a hobby of writing stories and daydreaming on a daily basic. I also need to create these scenarios for me to actually fall asleep. If I clear these things out from my head and my head is clear, I won’t be able to fall asleep or get insomnia. I didn’t know that it was related to childhood trauma. Since I was young, this had been my way of coping with the reality. I escaped into this dream-like realm that I created in my head and immerse myself into it until I lose sense of reality and what is happening around me. I thought I was just too addicted to daydreaming.

To: parents who have no idea about their child

The one thing that bugs me the most about parents is the phrase "I know everything about you." The amount of times I hear that phrase is uncountable. Also the funniest phrase to ever been told to me. It's so funny how parents seem to think they know about their child. Sorry to break it to you, Sir, Madam but their best friend might know better than you. Let me ask you if you think that way toward your children, do you know that your child cry themselves to sleep every night? alone in the dark where no one else knows? Or do you know how many times they were on the verge of giving up? Or that they have depression, anxiety, ADHD and many other more? Yeah that's what I thought. Do you know they cut up their flesh in order to cope? Or that they're emotionally unavailable and is trying hard to stay alive which you thought was laziness. Well let me enlighten you. it isn't. And I also like to bet you don't know they have trauma which was most likely caused by you either. So yeah I would like to sincerely ask you to stop spouting that lie, please and thank you.

from the struggling-to-stay-alive-teenager

Inner child

Whenever I think of breaking the generational trauma or breaking the cycle, it always makes me think of the little girl in me who just wanted to be loved. She wanted, no...needed... her mum, she needed her love. My heart breaks whenever I think of the inner little girl in me who just wanted her parents to love her and be there for her. 

I don’t know if it’s just me or what but I have a hard time believing someone when they say they love me. As a child, I never felt loved or received love from my parents. They never say “Honey, I love you.” I never received hugs or smooches. They’re always both neck deep in work and even when they give me materialistic things, they always make sure I understood I owed them and therefore needed to make it up to them in some ways. So, now as an adult, I can only understand the concept of love, and never feel it towards anyone. The idea of love is probably so far fetched to me that I can never really know.