Oswald Pengu1n Cobblepot - Tumblr Posts
You can make vexing remarks about my figure but I'm not the one with a mask fused to my head, friend.
“No need for the short temper, Cobblepot. I’m not ashamed of the way I look.” Roman retorted and would have done so with a shit-eating grin had he still possessed the means to do so. Rubbing Oswald the wrong way probably wasn’t the best decision he’d ever made but how could he resist when the older man made it so easy? Besides, he’d always wondered if it was true about Penguin having a Napoleon complex and his casual admittance of finding Roman’s choice of words ‘vexing’ only served to heighten his suspicions. In hindsight, perhaps heighten was a poor choice of words considering present company and all. “And here I thought you had a sense of humour! Nothing wrong with a little ribbing between friends because really, and if you want a mask so badly then all you had to do was ask. I’d be glad to help you out in that case.”
✏️
Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!
Roman: I have issues. Oswald: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is accept- Roman: With you.
Oswald: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell! Roman: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!
Roman: Oswald, my old friend! Oswald: I think you tried to kill me at some point. Roman: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.
Oswald: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Roman, are a fucking cactus.
Roman: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. Oswald: Only if you also don't ask why. Oswald: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag* Roman: ... Roman, grabbing a skull: This one will do.
Oswald: BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm. Roman: That is not something you actually have installed. Oswald: Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.
[Surprise headcanon meme for Roman.
In an AU... If Roman was ever on Come Dine With Me. He'd judge other people's dishes SO HARD because he is such a prissy rich boy. If he can cook, he'd make everything from scratch and it'd be the finest, fanciest meal anyone ever had. If he can't cook, he'd have a chef do it. Either way, everyone hates him cause he's such a snob when it comes to food and will make it known to the whole table. If he can't cook and has a chef make it, that's just an added bonus on the hate train for the other contestants.]
Accepted! In a normal AU where he’s not a crime lord and just a cooking contestant... his episodes would easily be the most notorious throughout the entire series. Roman Sionis would be infamous for his attitude, a prissy rich boy who is all about cooking authentic, traditional™ meals and would not shy away from verbally eviscerating other people’s dishes. Did they put cream in the fucking carbonara? REAL Italians wouldn’t be caught dead dishonouring one of their classic dishes like that. What’s that, they couldn’t be bothered making their own broth from scratch? Figures with how sloppily they dress, clearly they’re too lazy to put in any effort whatsoever. 0/10 from him. Even one point is too generous for what he had to put up with. Other contestants and viewers would loathe Roman, especially if he’s hypocritical about great cooking and has the audacity to hire a chef to make all his dishes for him. By far one of their most controversial casting choices, similar to Salvo.
Your turn. Smash or Pass?
𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐃 " 𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐎𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒 “ 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒. 𝐍𝐎 𝐋𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐃 .
Roman laughed again but this time it was unpleasant, dark eyes rolling in their malicious sockets before blowing a lungful of smoke straight into the older man’s face. ”Hard pass, Cobblepot. I don’t think I’ll ever be desperate enough to call YOU up as a sugar daddy. You’ve got money, I’ll give you that but everything else? The only smashing that’ll be going down is when I kick you out of the front entrance of the Iceberg Lounge and make it mine.” Or smashing that stupid umbrella over that hook-nosed head of his. Roman wasn’t fussed either way, just so long as he pissed off the squawker while doing so. He couldn’t wait for the day, albeit he knew he’d be waiting a good while. Penguin wasn’t stupid despite his looks and was every bit as bloodthirsty and ruthless as Roman himself.
★?
Send me a ★ and I’ll bold what applies to your muse.
“Hey, Cobblepot. Fuck you.”
I like you / I hate you / I dislike you / I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face / I would say something cruel to you on purpose / I would say something cruel to you accidentally / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you / You annoy me / You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you / I’d manipulate you / You scare me / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean / I think you’re petty / I think you’re childish / I think you’re smart / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me / We make a great team / I’d have a one night stand with you / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you / I’d let you hug me / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me / I want to be better for you / I respect you / I don’t respect you / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital (to laugh at you) / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am (and then hang up) / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless / You’re bossy / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else /
Checklist, please.
Send “checklist” and my muse will fill out the list below with their thoughts about yours!
"The fuck are you looking at, Cobblepot?"
I find you to be:
[X] interesting [ ] cute [ ] attractive [ ] sexy [ ] reassuring [X] intimidating [X] annoying (prick!) [X] tedious (don't think I've forgotten about you killing my mole) [ ] terrifying
I think we should:
[ ] talk more [ ] hang out more [ ] date [ ] adopt each other as found family [ ] fight (friendly) [X] fight (hostile) [X] avoid each other if at all possible [X] focus on our enemies first
If we spent an evening together we would:
[ ] just hang out [X] talk about deep stuff (fuck it, let's drink and chat about shit happening in Gotham) [ ] cuddle (fuck no, not even if I was the drunkest man on earth) [ ] go to bed together (to sleep) [ ] go to bed together (to… not sleep) [ ] go out and party till sunrise [X] both get arrested [X] probably wind up killing each other (most likely outcome tbh)
If we kissed it would be:
[ ] a chaste press of lips [ ] a playful smooch [ ] swift and stolen [ ] deep, sweet, and sincerely meant [ ] all teeth and tongue and hot as heck [X] not happening [X] I don't trust you not to bite off what's left of my lips
If we had sex it would be:
[ ] romantic and luxurious [ ] fast, rough and hard [ ] against the nearest wall [ ] fantastic [X] awkward (so fucking awkward) [X] a really bad idea [X] an all-around disaster [X] not happening
If I woke up and found you unexpectedly in my bed I would:
[ ] cuddle you (I'd rather cuddle as cactus) [ ] offer you breakfast (I'd serve you my fists) [ ] attempt to seduce you (hell no!) [X] kick you the fuck out, both physically and literally [X] demand to know how you got there (and how you fucking sneaked in without waking me up) [X] scream (I got enough bad dreams without waking up to your goddamn face)