Overthinking It - Tumblr Posts

when you feel like every little thing you do is wrong, everything that you've done is a failure, and everything you'll do is going to be ruined because that's the only thing you see, that's the only thing they've shown you.

I wonder sometimes if they regret something, if they regret that after a certain point in life they just stopped saying "I love you" to their hurt child, if they regret stopping being the first to initiate the hugs. If they ever regret raising a child the way they did. Is this what they wanted? A child that can't control their emotions? An adult incapable of asking for help, of taking decisions, of being happy because that child thinks that happiness it's momentarily and oh so scarce?

What could've been is not a solution anymore. I was oh so mad, and now when they wonder if I'm feeling angry, when they notice, I'm not even feeling... I'm so tired that I can't muster the strength to feel something. I still cry, but the mind is a tricky place, and each time it happens it doesn't last as long to be healthy, because it tricks me into feeling guilty. I want that to stop, but it doesn't. I wanted THEIR help, and sadly, they haven't noticed, they were so close to help me, but for me to be better, they needed to better themselves, and the one with the fallout was me at the end.

They never told me if they were proud, and they times they did are so few that I started to believe they didn't meant it. I've never even heard them say they're proud of my sibling, neither I, and I have of things to say to them too. Maybe I'll write something for them, I can't express myself to them, and maybe with a note I would be able to one day, give it to them.

Is there any console in writing what you feel in a foreign platform to strangers?