Relationship Anarchy - Tumblr Posts
This weekend we are talking about alternative approaches to relationships and sex that may appeal to aces and aros! These last few days of pride month will consist of a variety of information from us. If you’d like more on relationship anarchy, check out our resource here: https://taaap.org/2021/02/21/amatonormativity-and-relationship-anarchy/
[ID: Two images on a light pink background with black text and the TAAAP logo in the upper right corners. The first image reads “Relationship Anarchy*. Quote, Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. You have capacity to love more than one person, and one relationship and the love felt for that person does not diminish love felt for another. Endquote, source Andie Nordgren 2006. *Relationship anarchy is explicitly anarchist political philosophy applied to relationships.” The second image reads “Relationship Anarchy. Relationship here means not only traditional “partners” but also any person you know and interact with. Fundamentally opposed to possessive relationships, assimilationism, artificial scarcity (of care, affection, intimacy, sex, support, etc.) and amatonormativity. Defies the “relationship escalator that presumes romantic relationships must move “forward” to be legitimate. Relies on informed consent around all boundaries from all parties. Not the same as polyamory - some people are both polya and relationship anarchists, while many others are one or the other. End ID.]
My favorite thing about being a relationship anarchist is being able to say "a relationship does not need to have labels to be meaningful to the individuals involved" and "whatever label you give to a relationship does not inherently put it above or below other ones" at the same time
If they weren't so toxic, the Timelord House structure would be the ideal family structure. Like 40+ people in an extended family, sharing the raising of the kids and maintenance duties? They all go off and follow their own jobs/passions knowing there's a warm home somewhere they can return to? Holidays and celebrations are always a chance for everyone to return and the house to feel full? Some who feel the need to dedicate their time or even their life calling to tending to the House and it's members are deeply respected and seen as wise parental figures, rather than one person (usually women in our world) being expected to do so with little reward or choice? The kids get raised together as cousins and friends and siblings instead of being isolated? Big aesthetic building built and maintained by generations, always returnable to even if you as an individual can choose to go have your own place somewhere too.
Ideal. Imagine that + relationship anarchy and we have an ideal system. This is also how humans naturally form families anyway looking at history. Fuck the nuclear family we're becoming connected.
Hey! I mean no disrespect by this at all I'm just genuinely curious, in your bio it says you're an emotionless / loveless aplaroace, but you're taken? How does that work?
Oh hey, you're fine. So, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you know that aromantics can still date, and aces can still participate in intercourse or other. You don't need attraction to do these things, though I'm sure it certainly helps! There identities that are on the aromantic/asexual spectrums where they can experience attraction as well or want to participate in these sorts of relationships(ex: romo or sexual positive aro/aces). Now apply this to the broader aspec/anattractional spectrums.
I will say that emotions can be similar. You don't need to have emotions to be in different kinds of relationships.
Emotionless/loveless are terms I go by to describe my overall experience and/or identity. It does not specify how much emotion or love I can experience, it's just easier to go by the terms instead of describing it all, as like with my aplaroace label which does not specify which identities I go by under that.
I also find it matters little to certain people and they treat me like others who experience even less than I do.
Now with all of that out of the way, I am on the aroace spectrums so I do experience attraction to an extent, and I experience it only with my two partners. All three of us have varying and different types of attraction. I also experience some other non-rose attractions to my partners and even for people outside of them, such as communal or community based attraction, impersonal attraction, solaic, et cetera.
You can really have any type of relationship, as long as it's consensual and in good faith, it's really limitless. Maybe you don't care about that and that's totally fine. Labels, identities, relationship styles/dynamics are for us to use or enjoy but it doesn't mean we have to. But I do and it makes me happy. My partners know I support them and wouldn't want either to be in a relationship with me where they are unhappy or discontent.
Literally me tho
Cool Person Memes 😎
The thing you gotta understand about aro/ace people is that a lot of the time, we're literally just people who don't want expectancies put on us for being affectionate. I want to express physical attraction to someone, call them cute, hot, or hell even get a cuddle in without having to essentially break someone's heart because I was supposed to fall in love with them. I want to express how much I love and adore people I care about without being expected to want to marry them or have sex with them. I really wish personal relationships had less stakes to them and there was less pressure towards the heteronormitive ideas of what you're supposed to strive for with people. I just love people. I love people emotionally, I love my friends, I have friends I'd happily live with for the forseeable future cause I enjoy their company that much. And I experience varying levels of attraction with different people. The idea that if I don't want to have sex with someone then they aren't attractive at all, or that if I'm not romantically obsessed with them they're undesirable, is so agonizing to me that I feel the need to associate with the label to use it as a literal flag that says "don't get too attatched" to filter out the people who are only interested in forming social connections for the single minded goal of having a romantic partner or having sex, or to clarify to people I care about that no, nothing wrong with them, I'm just like this. And those aren't bad things to strive for but if those are the only things you care about please do not come to me about it I don't want to feel like a bad person for turning you down. I'm tired of it. I already hate myself enough. The reason why not all aro/ace people are 100% romance/sex repulsed is because unfortunately we live in a world where the standard expression of affection is a binary; either you're friends or you're soulmates, either you're fuckin or you're disgusted by eachother. That idea is fucking stupid and we want you to know we don't agree with it. Because expectations suck total cheeks
i don't really know how to say this but i think we (the aro community) need to have a discussion about like, how not every romantic relationship or feeling is automatically amatonormative, and that it's not The Concept Of Romance that's the problem but the societal prioritization of romance over every other relationship, but uhhh i don't know how to say it without writing a whole essay so if someone who's better at words than me wants to weigh in
This is all I want in life
Who cares what society thinks relationships should be like. Don't be afraid to have strange and unusual relationships with the people around you. Ask someone if they wanna pretend to date for fun. Kiss your homies goodnight. Buy your friends flowers and nice things. Who cares. Love your friends. Be a flirt. Be a whore. Be silly. Be free.