Seni Seviyorum - Tumblr Posts

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Seninde mi aklın karışık sende mi kararsızsın biliyorum usun ben bir karar verdim ama korkuyorum, yapabilirmiyim bilmiyorum.Bazen keşke...hayır asala ümitsizliğe düşmiycem hayalerimi gerçekleştiricem.Her kes hayatıyla ilgili aldığı büyük kararlardan sonra korkar değilmi ve ben korkumu yenemezsem bille dizginliycem.Çünkü korku insana yaşadığını hissettirir değilmi.Ne pahasına olursa olsun hayalerimi gerçeklestiricem SÖZ.........

BLah

I thought that I was really in love with you.

But, lately I found out that it was a temporary feeling. I never loved you. You've always left me disappointed, confused and obsessed.

Why obsessed?

Because, I have never loved you. I don't know you. I love the idea that I created of you. It's hard to realise it, in fact, I took too long to understand this. I could have ended everything since the beginning and I wouldn't have been here worrying about stupid feelings. I'm obsessed with the idea that I created of you. The you that doesn't exist. A dangerous guy, with anger issues that hates everyone except me.

And I told him: Look, I've been playing with you from the beginning and I don't love you.

I didn't talk to him from that day. But I think of him even if I don't know him. Does this have an explanation? Is there a philosopher who has got theories that are going to help me discover what I'm feeling? I've studied for years philosphy and psychology but I never seem to understand myself. I am a big mess.

I've went to different psychoanalysts but they found no way of comforting and helping me.

I've read thousands of books, specifically romance books, but do you know how bored they have made me? They annoy me now. But I continue reading them. They're full of fantasies and utopic worlds but I so believe them, I don't know how to get out of that illusion.

How do I turn off my reasoning and consciousness? I want to disappear. I want to be free. I want to live with someone that I truly love.

How do I learn how to love? Is there someone that teaches this? Are there theories or books that talk about this?

I want to know how to actually ,love someone with all my heart and to get to know that person for everything they have and possess and follow them till they die because that's what my mission needs to be. I want to be there for someone till the day I die. Is there a way to find this? Is there a way to believing in love? I'm desperate to know.

But you know what puts me in a crisis? That is understanding love. From what I've understood about myself, I am a person that views love as a love with violence and aggression, sacrificies and problems, imperfections and perfections, optimistic point of views and cosy touches, physical connection, spiritual connection, sexual touches, sweet words and harmful words that push you to hate the person you "love" and finally hating yourself for loving them.

How can I think this way? Who do I think I am? A goddess?

What if I got to know this guy and actually fell in love with him, what would really happen?

I would be desperate and heartbroken and hate myself for falling for somebody that I don't deserve and that I shouldn't waste my time with and not waste my life for neither energy. I would hate myself for falling for someone who isn't who I idealised. This is unacceptable.

I wanna be free. I wanna love someone and suffer forever. You know what I want to suffer because that's what I live for. That's how I've learnt to survive. I have been raised with violence and anger issues and problems. I need someone that treats me how I think he should treat me.

I don't know how my idealised man is. I have no idea how he is. I literally don't know. Like can you imagine that I wrote this whole story and bullshit for something that I don't really know or believe or think or reason about, oh my god I am truly crazy. I talk noonsense. I am a bullshiter and I accept it. Thank you for today.

K.M.

Arada mesafeler de olsa sevgi sonsuzdur sebepsizdir insan sevdiğizaman bı daha bırakamaz ona alismisdir mesafelide olsak bu böyledir eğer tek bir dilek hakkım olsaydı sadece seninle olmak isterdim

Güzel bir gece Yapacak çılgınca bir şey arıyoruz Hey bebeğim, Sanırım seninle evlenmek istiyorum

Bu gözlerindeki bakış mı, Yoksa bu dans eden içki mi? Kimin umurunda bebeğim, Sanırım seninle evlenmek istiyorum

Gidip bir yüzük alacağım, koro çanları çalsın -Oh- Yani ne yapmak istiyorsun? Hadi yalnızca kaçalım kızım Uyanırsak ve ayrılmak istersen sorun olmaz Hayır, seni suçlamam Eğlenceliydi kızım

Hayır deme -Hayır- Yalnızca de ki -Evet- Ve gideriz -Git- Eğer sen hazırsan, yani ben de hazırım

Yalnızca de ki seviyorum Tam da şimdi söyle bebeğim, Tam da şimdi söyle bebeğim

Çünkü güzel bir gece...

Bir şehir ol mesela Ankara gibi,

de ki;

"Lay lay lom galiba sana göre sevmeler sevilmeler"

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warmth..

I want to feel your heartbeat

I want to hug you

I want to smell your cologne

I want to feel safe in your arms

I want to forget everything

I just want to be near me.

But it’s not going to happen again.