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I’m falling again

I’m falling again

I’m falling again

Where do I go?

Where do I stand?

I find it hard to convey how I feel till this day

I can't think without thinking of you

You’re so hard to understand

Can’t begin to comprehend

What I’d do to have you

Pain is so easy to feel

Just bite your tongue

And don't spill the truth that burdens you

cries you to sleep

Just don’t let the blood seep

through your teeth when you smile

Hopeless romantic girlies ✨

I cried again tonight. I thought I could get through the night but my tears kept on falling. I've lost count. I don't know why I'm like this. Why do you make me like this? Can't you just stay as a fond memory and let me live? Even so, I'll always be yours no matter how many times I try to block you out. I always come back here to write about you.

My la verità.

I can't stop crying. I cry, cry, cry and cry untill my eyes are sore but you're never a bore. So I'll cry till dawn and pray to god on my knees to answer my call. For you, my love. Please, be mine.

My blouse is stained

I haven't changed it since yesterday

Not stained with dirt

But the tears that you steer

Till I'm broken and can't see clear

Are you satisfied?

Stuck on my phone

its getting late

And my eyes a sore

From the bright light, it emits

Like my burning desire for all of this to end

I can't fall asleep

I won't fall asleep again to your voice

Or dream of you again

Will you hold me like a child

Till the thunder quiets done

Till the darkness becomes light

It's Sunday but its still not the end of my pain

You're stained in my heart

I'm bleeding out on my blouse

Again.

Dear Guardian Angel,

My gums are bleeding

I still haven't eaten

Do you pity me?

Please don't

I do this to myself

I self sabotage when things get better and act like it's the end of the world

I dug my own grave

Do you feel anything at all…

You were assigned to me

I'm sorry

My observer

For all the things you've seen

For all my thoughts you hear

For all the words I utter

And still I hope you can see that this is not truly me

I am is whatever I've seen on tv

I'm a chameleon

I put on a new mask and change it when it cracks

I'm lost

Who am I?

I’m gone

Or am I just done

Sitting with my thoughts alone

In this empty home

Father ignores and mothers on the other side of the world

I'm sure you already know

I mean you know me better than me

Stuck in my apocalypse

Hollow, dark, empty, incomplete, disguised, loveless

Distorted with the painful echo of my screams and cries.

Begging for an escape from my capturer

Me.

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Call out to me

When you’re ready I'll be there

Waiting for you

Till we meet again, my love.

Crashing parties but all I’m crashing is my soul

I lie to myself and say that I’m doing fine but in reality, I’d kill myself to hold you one more time

Where did all the time go?

Morning to night I'm locked up in my room far from life

I feel so alone out here

I feel so alone out here

Without you

But there’s no way to reach you

So I go back to our home that never was

I still call you home

Cause you were the only one I could tell I hurt

You were the only one that could put me to sleep like a baby

You made me feel so safe

I've never felt such a level of love before

More than I ever got from those I call family

Am I no good?

Do I not deserve your love?

Then why can't you be mine cause I'll be yours till the end of time and thereafter

Can I be yours?

Please tell me I'm yours

I'm tired

Lonely

In love

Drunk in my love

For you, my love.

Loving you from afar feels like drowning in an ocean of my own tears, while you stand on the shore, oblivious to my plight

If you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first whoever did.

Young forever

My hairs stand tall from the thought of you

You fill the empty space once filled with tears

This burdened soul can not house another

My heart is heavy and stained with pain

You look at me with bleeding eyes, mine colder than ice

Emotionless but you make me feel alive

But I'm still distant in confined solitude

I want to see your point of view

Maybe then I could love me too

You're crescent moon eyes and crooked front teeth are my favourite

Never hide that beautiful smile

It brings light to my day

Filled with rage

I have an upset stomach and little girls despondent laughter sounds louder on stage

Choke me just enough for me to breathe so I stay engaged

Ticking Tok on the clock, you're an ethereal timepiece in this age

Turn me over like a page do me like that when you offstage

While your fans fight to be front row in the barricade

I know they’d kill for this exchange

I'm off the rails some may call me deranged but I'm just off my meds

Living a teenage rampage drugged with your love

Will we last or be another short story?

You cry, outraged at the thought of me leaving estranged, so you keep me in range

Afraid I'll let go when the feeling subsides

I left my shoes in the street so you could carry me

Don't worry, darling, you have my heart in a cage

You're the lighthouse in the middle of this enraged storm

Filled with love

Endless mornings and endless nights

I wake after they bite i wonder will I ever wake up before daylight

Endless commotion, I'm filled to the brim with emotion

I'm still asleep they have so much devotion

Ruptured vein I'm blood-stained

The truth is like blood under your fingernails

I'm awake.

Sometimes there’s no light, at the end of the tunnel.

@rbhvleo // roberto ferri // mothering by ainslie hogarth // rainer maria rilke // ? // planet of love by richard siken // a self portrait in letters by anne sexton // indian summer by ron hicks

At times, I'm allowed to be not okay, and my feelings are as significant as anyone else's. But why do I keep punishing myself for feeling this way?

…..is there an escape? Is there somewhere.

-An Open Diary