Manic Depression - Tumblr Posts

Any tumblr posts about depression or something sad are a fucking joke to me when I’m manic. It makes me feel like an asshole but I mean no offense in that thought, I just don’t have the time to mope, I have to get things done

I don’t know if this is Bipolar Culture or not, but I hate when I get so hyper and have the instinct of calling it mania or the start of an episode, and then see it was just false alarm. A manic scare™

I am so manic that I can’t even make it relatable

An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.

Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.

The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.

This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.

Special Someone 💖 (my hopeless romantic music video)

You and me forever

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I never been to the beach

I envy the sea

I wish i was as free as the birds

Even them, they must obey the wind

Sweet sand, cover me fully

Warm sun-kissed skin

Bronze me and leave me lovely

Kiss me quickly

Like a wave, i move on swiftly

At my own pace

Til i give in

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I stream R-rated movies

Til I get depressed then angry

A girl born in a wrong body

Extra parts

Want my babies? They’re no use to me

I’ll give them away to anybody who’ll touch me

I’m more like my daddy, than I ever knew

Pleasing myself til somebody needs me

That’s when I pull the brakes

And shut the doors

You can only have me

When I’m generous and rich

The type of mommy to shut you out

Pass you around and leave you lonely

The type of daddy to toss you to the curve but leave you with candy

Depressed Barbie 🖤 (my 1990s rockstar girlfriend lookbook and billie eilish music video)

made a manic purchase today and bought a crippled bearded dragon. but honestly, I'm very excited for where this journey will take me

Self sabotage and procrastination are my only forms of control- and oh, do I grasp onto those coping mechanisms tightly.

seeing him in concert tmr!! #gooutside

(credits to whoever made this idk)