Manic Episodes - Tumblr Posts
I feel the mania setting in today.🙃🙃🙃
I’m in fuckin pain due to flare ups. Im also hormonal as fuck right now. I’m crying and I sound like a sad dying goose. (I’m tired of this grandpa!)
My ✨sparkle✨ is here!!!! I don’t like it…. 😂😂😂😂🤪🤪🤪🤪
An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.
Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.
The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.
This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.
Special Someone 💖 (my hopeless romantic music video)
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I stream R-rated movies
Til I get depressed then angry
A girl born in a wrong body
Extra parts
Want my babies? They’re no use to me
I’ll give them away to anybody who’ll touch me
I’m more like my daddy, than I ever knew
Pleasing myself til somebody needs me
That’s when I pull the brakes
And shut the doors
You can only have me
When I’m generous and rich
The type of mommy to shut you out
Pass you around and leave you lonely
The type of daddy to toss you to the curve but leave you with candy
July 5, 2024.
Not as well done as the others, it was more of a manic selfie spree lol.
It’s cute though, I’m just not sure if pink is my color.
Aug 31, 2024.
Did these spontaneously yesterday after I impulsively cut my hair. The decline from this manic ep is gonna be BAD.
