Spilled Tears - Tumblr Posts

7 days, without walking you home

6 months, without holding your hand

5 senses of mine, not feeling you anymore

4 seasons, changing without you

3 meals, eaten alone

2 seconds, not thinking of you

1 breath, not taken in vain.

Chapter 4 of Sour Droplets!

[Chapter 4 - Mirror-Image]

As An listened to the song, it seemed to grip her very heart. 

The gentle piano was accompanied by a sweet music box, and the guitar that Kanade added seemed to play a sentiment that shook her very soul. There was no lyrics added yet, but it was already a touching song, even if An didn’t really listen to this type of music. It was so impactful that of felt like she was right next to Kanade, listening to the song right there.

Soon though, Kanade clicked on her mouse again, pausing the song. She turned to look at An, her eyes full of concern.

“Are you alright An?”

With that question An snapped out of her trance and realized that, without paying attention, tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. And every time she blinked to get rid of them, two more teardrops would appear in their place. Was she… crying? Why?

An knew that if she said anything, there was no doubt she’d break down in tears. So she did one thing.

“Aunt Nagi…!” She wailed, not entirely sure why. She began sobbing, using what meager energy she had left to squeeze tears out of her eyes. 

Kanade’s eyes widen in surprise but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she walked over and silently put her hand on An’s back. She wasn’t trying to get An to shush, or interrupt her crying. It was her way of showing An that she was here, even though she was crying in front of someone she had just met today.

It took a while for the sorrow that eclipsed An’s body to leave, but when it did she allowed herself to slump onto the bed, her eyes red. Kanade just stayed silent until she smiled softly, the corners or her lips perking upwards.

“I think I know what to add to my song now.” Kanade said, breaking the silence and snapping An out of her trance that her misery put her in. Yet the sentence only served to confuse her, causing her eyebrows to furrow.

“You.. you do?” An asked, the emotional thorn in her mind reminding her of Nagi seemingly a little duller now. “But I.. I.. I didn’t even help you.”

 Kanade just continued to smile with a tinge of sadness in her eyes, and An’s heart broke. For her to act so mature like this… like she knew what to do… she must’ve been through this kind of pain a lot.

Kanade shook her head, clearly disagreeing. “You actually helped me a lot An. It was through you that I was able to feel your pain, and reach deep in the depths to make my melody.”

Feel my pain? An silently repeated to herself, pondering the meaning. But meanwhile, Kanade continued.

“I can tell you’ve got a lot of pain on your shoulders, and if I can ever ease the ache you’re free to come over.” Kanade promised, her words bearing a silent weight to them. “But right now you should rest. With the state your fragile body is in you could be vulnerable to getting a cold. We can talk more when you wake up.”

As if flipping a switch that sentence made An realize how tired she was. She had cried and talked until her eyelids felt unimaginabley heavy. 

So as a yawn battled its way up her throat she just nodded to Kanade, who smiled in response and sat in her chair by the computer. It was clear Kanade was going to compose more music as An slept, and she wondered if she’d ever hear a song such as emotion-stirring as that one again. 

Speaking of “that one”, did that song even have a name…?

An wanted to ask, but the murky fog that held her brain captive was making her unbelievably sleepy. So she made a mental note to ask, before laying down and closing her eyes as her head rested on the pillow. And it wasn’t long before sleep took her, painting her vision an abyss-black.

Moon illuminates

Your face in all its chaos

My heart is enthralled

Forgotten all its sorrows

I tried to think since when

Weirdness turned into a friend

Words gushed out like stream

Like they have never been

Enslaved underneath

A stone cold flesh

Suppressed shrieks

Of a heart barely beating

Time may have heard it

As we sat silently waiting

For drizzles to stop

Our worlds suddenly interlapped

Caught in a whirlpool of dreams

A quest each night star screams

I wonder how it came to be

A friendship of you and me

Bizarre as it may seem

A flower in spring it bloomed

Your smile feels like home

Eyes speak of long, lost songs

And if daylight ever crumbles

I swear to remember the bubbles

Of thoughts we shared that night

As our souls bathed in starlight!

-Starlight

(8th Avenue)

Katie, 19:11

Image: Pinterest

We're a beautiful catastrophe, you and I.

Katie, 9:35

First of all, I would like to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I'm running away again. I'm running away like I'm ruthlessly slapped by the hand of rationality. Yes, you're sweet and romantic but I deserve so much more than the illusion you're trying to paint in my head with words I've grown accustomed to. Such sweet words that do not possess a life of their own, bereft of the possibility of future realization. Somehow, they're just fragments of a promise, a hushed sound of uncertainty but were nevertheless uttered to feed the speaker's fancy. I'm yet to fall into such a romantic machination coming with the love bug crawling over my blanket. You have the audacity to say you love me but that's all. I've been waiting for the things that you will do to make me feel that that love is real and you're feeling it with every breath that you take.

Love, love isn't just words you can say. It isn't just something I can believe in a dazed mind. It's so much more. It's a commitment that binds people for eternity. A sacred vow to hold two hearts together. It's not a game ought to be played. Not a fire that can easily be extinguished by tanks of water. It's not pupils dilating or tongues sprinkled with deathly dose of fructose, or a vision of the moon getting bigger in a glance. It's a chance, a one in a million chance. A risk someone has to take willingly for no reason at all. And ours are just words you managed to weave to fill the vast spaces between us. Words I can't simply take for they lack justification. And words without justification are merely claims, pieces of alleged information that lack merit. You're sweet and gentle and kind. But deadly. Deadly because you make me wanna fall without any assurance as to where I stand in your life. What am I to you to begin with? Just a girl you can show to everyone like a trophy? Someone who walks and sits beside you so you won't be alone in a crowd? You haven't defined the role I am playing. But I am playing it anyhow, though I am always scared of breaking my heart yet again. So before this gets deeper, I have to run away.

I'm sorry.

-Undefined,

Katie, 21:00

Bloom honey, bloom

See those pretty roses?

They have thorns too

Had pierced someone

Hurt someone

But didn't sink in guilt

In life, things like that happen

You'll gonna hurt somebody

Break somebody

Well, who doesn't?

We all have that kind of days

We're loved

We're hated

Nobody is perfect

So get out of that shell

Brighten that face

And show the world

That you are capable of love too

Yes you don't always gleam

Like the sun

Sometimes you come

With a thunderstorm

But at least, honey at least

You don't fake any of it

You're authentic

You're raw

You're a mess

And because of that

You're beautiful

So like those pretty roses

Bloom honey, bloom!

-pretty roses,

Katie, 21:30

Image: Pinterest

Fragments shrieking

Underneath her bed

Consuming sanity

Kindling time spent

Invincible soul

Turning cold tonight

In gloom sinking

Marching with shadows

Leaving the room

Enraged yet steady

Amidst falling debris

Varying degrees of

Incessant torment

Nothing could shake her

Gravitating towards

Nowhere she walks

On steep rocks

Wondering about the past

-Leaving tonight,

Katie, 24: 45

Image: Pinterest

Fourth of July, 2019 ❤

I am not writing enough. I call myself a writer but don't stain my notes with words as much as I ought to. And tonight, I sit on my bed and stare blankly at the empty piece of paper lying cold on my coffee table. I write the word "He" and stop; unsure if I am now ready to pour out my thoughts. I let out a sigh. If I let my guards down, there are lots of things I can associate with the word "He".

//

"He"

Is what wakes me up every morning, an alarm clock screaming. The light that bathe me with euphoric thoughts that come rushing in a long queue the moment I stir from slumber.

//

"He"

Is the aroma of coffee that fills my head, reminding me of the last time we're in my favorite coffee shop, listening to songs, trying hard to ignore the rhythm of our hearts and the spark we created when our hands accidentally touched.

//

"He"

Is the good morning texts I get, those innocent messages I refuse to read because I am scared to uncover something beneath; say a gift I am not prepared to unwrap but dying to have.

//

"He"

Is the movies I watch, the songs I hum and listen to, the gentle chuckles that resound in my head, stirring emotions in me that are long dead.

//

"He"

Is what paints a smile on my lips, the reason why I beam in the midst of a curious crowd. It's insane sometimes, but I feel like floating on cloud nine.

//

"He"

Is the thread that ties me to sanity. The only thing that makes sense when all I can see is chaos and the cacophony is just too loud for me to contain.

//

"He"

Is the journey and the destination. The good night texts that pop on the screen of my cellphone the moment I get home.

//

"He"

Is the home and the love I run away from, thinking I may only be dreaming because reality could not possibly be this mirthful .

//

"He"

(In spite of myself) is the arms I wish would welcome me when I am done running at the end of the day.

//

-He,

Katie, 01:30

His eyes were golden

When the light passed through them

And he stared at me

Like I fell from heaven

But I came from the raging sea

Swam to shore to meet the me

That he found surfing with the waves

Longing to be set free

-His eyes were golden,

Katie, 16:00

Because it's the 7th ❤

I am not writing enough. I call myself a writer but don't stain my notes with words as much as I ought to. And tonight, I sit on my bed and stare blankly at the empty piece of paper lying cold on my coffee table. I write the word "He" and stop; unsure if I am now ready to pour out my thoughts. I let out a sigh. If I let my guards down, there are lots of things I can associate with the word "He".

//

"He"

Is what wakes me up every morning, an alarm clock screaming. The light that bathe me with euphoric thoughts that come rushing in a long queue the moment I stir from slumber.

//

"He"

Is the aroma of coffee that fills my head, reminding me of the last time we're in my favorite coffee shop, listening to songs, trying hard to ignore the rhythm of our hearts and the spark we created when our hands accidentally touched.

//

"He"

Is the good morning texts I get, those innocent messages I refuse to read because I am scared to uncover something beneath; say a gift I am not prepared to unwrap but dying to have.

//

"He"

Is the movies I watch, the songs I hum and listen to, the gentle chuckles that resound in my head, stirring emotions in me that are long dead.

//

"He"

Is what paints a smile on my lips, the reason why I beam in the midst of a curious crowd. It's insane sometimes, but I feel like floating on cloud nine.

//

"He"

Is the thread that ties me to sanity. The only thing that makes sense when all I can see is chaos and the cacophony is just too loud for me to contain.

//

"He"

Is the journey and the destination. The good night texts that pop on the screen of my cellphone the moment I get home.

//

"He"

Is the home and the love I run away from, thinking I may only be dreaming because reality could not possibly be this mirthful .

//

"He"

(In spite of myself) is the arms I wish would welcome me when I am done running at the end of the day.

//

-He,

Katie, 01:30

There are no wrong persons

We're all passersby

Seeking a temporary home

Somewhere we can warm our hands,

Somewhere we can feel we belong,

For a while

For a short while...

However, we get attached

In the process

Even if we know from the start

That we will leave

One day

And when that moment comes,

Goodbye becomes

The most difficult pill to swallow

It buries us in the burrow

Of snow

So we die

For a while

For a short while...

Darling I may be wrong

But may I

May I stay

For a while

Fuse with your heart

Before I escape

With the sullen midnight

And darling may you

Be kind enough

To hold me like your own

For a while

For a short while...

Let me reside darling

In your heart

Even if I'm wrong

But our song

It keeps telling me

In our world...

There are no wrong persons

If there are, then we're all wrong

Wrong for stopping by,

Wrong for seeking shelter,

Wrong for warming our hands

Wrong for filling our hearts

With illusions of love

So it can breathe and survive

For a while

For a short while...

-Temporary home,

Katie, 12:30

We're liars.

//

Me, I lie to protect my heart

While you,

You lie so it won't break

Like a glass

That can never be put back

Together regardless

Of efforts

To assemble the pieces

It's not a puzzle

And the cracks will be there

A reminder

Of a painful history

We tried to prevent somehow

By lying...

//

I say I don't love you

Force the words out

Make myself believe

They are true

But the truth

It burns beneath

The ground where I stand

Broken hearted

Shaking in my own fury

Consumed by the gravity

Of the words I just set free

Well everything is noetic

The mind could be both

A blessing and a curse

Affecting all elements

And words...

Words have weight, all right

Once spoken

They drag you down

Like shackles

Attached to your feet

//

You say you love me

All lies, of course

There is no sign of mirth

In your eyes

As the words escape

Your trembling mouth

You think these could cloth me

In winters to come

Could hold me somehow

So I won't fall to the ground

Watch me swing like a pendulum

You don't know how tiring it is

To be suspended in mid air

Trying hard to believe

You told the whole truth

In my face

Well I hear it loud and clear

Baby you don't

No, you don't love me at all

'Cause...

//

We're liars

//

Both of us.

You,

When you say I love you

Me,

When I say goodbye

-Everything is noetic,

Katie, 12:31

8th ❤

I am not writing enough. I call myself a writer but don't stain my notes with words as much as I ought to. And tonight, I sit on my bed and stare blankly at the empty piece of paper lying cold on my coffee table. I write the word "He" and stop; unsure if I am now ready to pour out my thoughts. I let out a sigh. If I let my guards down, there are lots of things I can associate with the word "He".

//

"He"

Is what wakes me up every morning, an alarm clock screaming. The light that bathe me with euphoric thoughts that come rushing in a long queue the moment I stir from slumber.

//

"He"

Is the aroma of coffee that fills my head, reminding me of the last time we're in my favorite coffee shop, listening to songs, trying hard to ignore the rhythm of our hearts and the spark we created when our hands accidentally touched.

//

"He"

Is the good morning texts I get, those innocent messages I refuse to read because I am scared to uncover something beneath; say a gift I am not prepared to unwrap but dying to have.

//

"He"

Is the movies I watch, the songs I hum and listen to, the gentle chuckles that resound in my head, stirring emotions in me that are long dead.

//

"He"

Is what paints a smile on my lips, the reason why I beam in the midst of a curious crowd. It's insane sometimes, but I feel like floating on cloud nine.

//

"He"

Is the thread that ties me to sanity. The only thing that makes sense when all I can see is chaos and the cacophony is just too loud for me to contain.

//

"He"

Is the journey and the destination. The good night texts that pop on the screen of my cellphone the moment I get home.

//

"He"

Is the home and the love I run away from, thinking I may only be dreaming because reality could not possibly be this mirthful .

//

"He"

(In spite of myself) is the arms I wish would welcome me when I am done running at the end of the day.

//

-He,

Katie, 01:30

Yes, I cry in the shower

cry rivers of tears

raging

from the corners

of my eyes, they don't dry

I punch the wall so hard

my knuckles hit

the rough cement,

they bleed

stories

that never end

I cry and cry,

the saltiness of

my tears mixes

with the droplets

of water running

down my scalp,

to my face

to my neck

to my chest

where a hole pulsates,

a life escapes

with the mist

fogging

the window

I try

to visualize

happiness but the stream

of thoughts rock

my brain, rip

my skull open

the creaking

dominates

the whimpers

I try to hide

under the guise

of water drenching

my naked body

-droplets running, katie

Image:Pinterest

I will never run

out of beautiful

things to say about you.

katie

There are hearts that suck at being hearts. Cold, numb, ruthless hearts, filling spaces they don’t intend to be. Causing havoc to where they land, bullets piercing flesh wherever they rain.

Yes, there are hearts like that, hiding behind ribcages, protected from the elements, pumping blood, providing oxygen to the brain so the whole system won’t fail. But what about the lives they shatter which are despairingly growing in number? Blame the victims for not mastering the game? For not learning the art of gambling? Like we all existed to just play and gamble. It’s depressing. But I watched you walked towards me with that smile too big for your face. I closed my eyes and wished I died before you took my hand so I will never come to my senses and hurt.

There are hearts that suck at being hearts. Mine is one of them. For it just can’t stop aching for your lies. And as we make love tonight, I let you possess all of me with your lips and fingers while playing a “make believe” game that I’m the one in your mind and not her. I convince myself that your heated kisses are for me, your insatiable hands reaching, seeking, yearning for satisfaction are for me. I let your wanton passion ignite the sheets, savor each move you make and pretend I didn’t hear you breathed her name over and over.

I convince myself that you’re mine and I’m yours and we’re doing this intimate dance in the name of love. But underneath my writhing flesh, there’s a heart that sucks at being heart. And as you feast over my vulnerability, my mind try to elope with beautiful fantasies to push away the truth that you’re not making love to me but to her memory.

-hearts,

bygones, ana

I will never run

out of beautiful

things to say about you.

katie

"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.

These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.

They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."

-Sweet Nothings,

Ana Grasya

Avail a copy through the following links:

Google Play - https://books.google.co.in/books/about?id=-xhmEAAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y

Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings

Ukiyoto Philippines (for those in the Philippines only) - https://www.ukiyotophilippines.com/product-page/sweet-nothings

"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.

These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.

They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."

-Sweet Nothings,

Ana Grasya

Avail a copy through the following links:

Google Play - https://books.google.co.in/books/about?id=-xhmEAAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y

Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings

Ukiyoto Philippines (for those in the Philippines only) - https://www.ukiyotophilippines.com/product-page/sweet-nothings

i am still known

as the girl who

writes poems

though the truth is

i can barely come up

with a line

that could have

made you

change your mind

-katie