Losingmygrip - Should I Stay Or Should I Go? - Tumblr Blog

You healed me, you showed me how beautiful this cruel world can be. You made me wake up every day with a smile and a warmth I had never felt before.

And then you let me fall, because of you every day what little is left in me dies.

I just feel empty, hurt and lonely.

Every breath is agony and tears me apart piece by piece.

I wish every day that you would come back to me. Even though I know that will never happen.

And even if you did, I would look you in the eye and feel the loneliness and the pain you have caused me.

And even though you took everything in my life, I still love you for all my life. 💔

I don‘t know what went wrong with me a few years ago. But since then I feel a neverending emptiness in my heart.

After surviving year for year and beeing on the right way to focus on myself and get a litte bit happier and confidence with the emptiness, you came into my life.

You fixed all in me which was broken in the past and you had teared down the walls I had built up to protect myself. It was okay for me, you have showed me how beautiful the life can be with someone who is loving you.

But after I found myself again, you left without a reason. You forgot about me and immediately looked for someone new.

You left an even bigger emptiness inside me that can never be filled again. You made me more broken than I could ever have imagined.

But I have no choice, I have to move on and I am afraid I‘ll never be happy again.

Until it ends, there is no end

I don't know what you took from me when you disappeared from my life for no reason.

Since then, I feel an emptiness in me that gets bigger with every day and every breath.

When there was a We, you made me complete, I have never felt so strong and happy. And now I only consist of a pile full of rubble and ash that can no longer be repaired..

How could I hate you for making me feel what I've always wanted. Even if it was not permanent and I now only consist of shards.

Where did we go wrong?

I keep asking myself, when did I take a wrong turn? When did I become who I am?

I grew up in a good family, I was brought up independently and could always count on my family. I have both feet on the ground and don't have to be afraid of the future.

But what went wrong?

When did I start struggling so much to pretend to be strong in front of my friends and family, when all I'm doing is breaking inside?

I don't know what I've done and why I'm no longer allowed happiness and contentment.

Will I ever be happy again?

You have always been one of the strong people, grew up in good circumstances and yet a weakness has developed year after year. You don't know why, you thought it would pass and it was just a phase. Year after year, day after day and hour by hour. You are happy but somehow you feel an emptiness in you. You have a good job and a good life, can travel and should be happy. But you are alone. And then someone comes who catches you, you feel really safe for the first time and are satisfied with your life and then the person with whom everything felt right disappears from your life and you are at the end. You always break together when you are alone and no one notices it. You are alone.

hope for the best - prepare for the worst

And then they will leave you ..

“How do you know someone is for you? They bring peace you haven’t found anywhere else. They support your effort. They water your growth.”

— Unknown

I'm not sure if l've ever loved in my life.

I only know that I was completely satisfied with you for the first time and I felt safe. Near you, I wasn't afraid of the future because I knew I had you by my side forever. It has never been so calm in my head.

And now you're gone and I'm learning to fear again. The fear of never being happy again and having to face the horror of this world alone.

Before I met you, I swore to myself that I’d never let anyone into my life again. Of all the disappointments in the time before I’d you, I have brought myself back to my old strength. And then you suddenly showed up and I was happy. You brought me back from the hole I was stuck in, even if it was hard at the beginning. You showed me how happy a person can be, how calm the voices in my head can become when we‘re together. And then you let me fall deeper than I’ve could‘ve imagined. How do I get out of here? Will I ever be happy again?

Wir waren von Anfang an zum scheitern verurteilt und dennoch habe ich mich für den kleinen Funken Hoffnung entschieden, der in dem Moment aufblitzte als du mir sagtest, dass du mich nicht mehr aus deinem Kopf kriegen kannst.

In diesem Moment war ich so glücklich und dennoch setzte ich mir das Ziel, die auf uns zukommende gemeinsame Zeit zu nutzen um alle Fehler an dir zu finden, die mich davon abhalten sollten mich in dich zu verlieben.

Und was ist passiert?

Du hast mir gezeigt wie es sich anfühlt das erste mal im Leben einfach nur bedingungslos glücklich zu sein. In deiner Nähe war alles in meinem Kopf ruhig und ich war mit meinem Leben zufrieden. Ich habe mich zuvor noch nie einem Menschen so sehr geöffnet wie dir. Ich habe noch nie so etwas gefühlt. Und trotz deiner Fehler, warst du für mich perfekt und ich wollte dich einfach nur glücklich sehen und mein Leben für immer mit dir teilen.

Und nun stehe ich hier erneut an diesem Punkt im Leben, komplett enttäuscht und so kaputt wie ich es noch nie war, weil du gegangen bist.

Ich weiß nicht ob ich jemals wieder jemanden finden werde, der mir dasselbe Gefühl geben kann, wie du es tatest.

Du fehlst mir jede Sekunde in meinem Leben und bist permanent in meinem Kopf. Und auch wenn ich weiß, dass es falsch ist, halte ich an der Hoffnung fest, dass du wieder zu mir zurück kommst. Dieser Fall wird vermutlich niemals eintreten und selbst wenn, weiß ich, dass es niemals mehr dasselbe sein würde, weil du mich zuerst repariert und schließlich Stück für Stück zerstört hast.

Ich wünsche dir nur das Beste, aber bitte vergiss mich nicht..

staring at the "I think it's best if we stop talking" text I sent as I'm crying my eyes out knowing damn well I don't wanna live without him but it's for the best..

I only make mistakes, fall in love too quickly. I fall to pieces a little more everyday.

“That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”

— Charles Bukowski, Women

i feel like the only option i have left is to give up..

Whenever you reach for me, I will do everything I can to further distance myself from you.

Will I ever be happy again?

Or will this emptiness tear me apart?

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”

— Robin Williams

No matter how much I struggle psychologically to survive every day, I would never have the courage to end my life under my own power.