It Funny How I Was Able To Accept That I Was Ace, Granted I Was In Denial About It For Some Time. Then

It funny how I was able to accept that I was ace, granted I was in denial about it for some time. Then I realized I was aro and was like...”NONONO...I know I have no desire to date anyone, but NONONONONONONOnonono....I haven’t dated anyone...I don’t know what a crush feels like, let alone attraction!!! I’ve never had any fantasies!!! Wait-...people fantasize ABOUT ONE ANOTHER?!! I wouldn’t date any stranger or my friends!!!” and then I had the most funny thought at a certain point (before I knew the term aromantic) and it was, “Well maybe if I move countries I’ll be able to fall in love!!!!”, and meanwhile when romance/sex would show up in media I’d be like “Where is the plot?! Why did we lose the plot?! People actually want this?! WAIT-?! Do people act like this?!”. I also thought people were just deadass lying when they said they experienced crushes in kindergarten, which they probably weren’t lying. I will say though I do love food. I mean pesto is an absolute god. Chocolate is amazing (though if don’t like chocolate that’s cool too, same with any other food). But bread...oh my god! I love naan, rolls, and most breads.

I dunno...some more rambles

So I’m aroace...pretty sure I’m repulsed by romance and sex, but like sometimes the romance is just fucking cute and sex scenes are just a bore...like dude....I’m lookin’ for actual plot (also sometimes when they come up I’m like...welp I guess it’s a death day). Anyways, I’m working on being romance and sex positive because I wanna respect other people, even if I don’t necessarily understand it. But also when I read loveless I didn’t necessarily know I was aroace...and I was like “I gotta experience some ATTRACTION!”...so I thought I was aroflux/aceflux and then I saw Jaiden Animations video and it finally clicked...but now I know why I thought many things were stange. HURRAH!!! Also a-spec peeps, have some cake or garlic bread or really just some food...cause food is legit. 

A rant about being aromantic as well as asexual while being a teen

It sucks dude. I feel behind and a part of me doesn’t care, but another part of me is going, “WHY ME?!”. And some of it, at least for me, is in part due to trauma, and also lack of attraction. Sometimes I just wish I could feel something, you know. I also don’t want to be in a qpr with anyone, but I just want friends. The problem is due to trust issues I’m scared to hug them and stuff, so that causes me to get a bit touch starved, even though I could just ask. Everything is just scary. I do love my friends in the most platonic way and that’s it. They are truly wonderful people, but I wish I could...well fit in more sometimes. I know that it’s sappy and honestly not the best outlook to want to fit in, but I just wonder what it feels like to fit in, or perhaps everyone is just faking it regardless. I’m a bit sad and scared my friends will leave me for their partner(s), though I don’t think they would, as one of them is dating some peeps and they’re really chill and equally care and I guess I’m scared that I’m just not loved by my friends. I think they do love me and I have this tendency to give to much and never relax because I’m just a people pleaser. So overall, I’m just a lil’ lonely and sad and I wanted to rant on here because people seem pretty chill.

Well...this was a prompt for inktober and I had way to much fun...and I dunno if anyone’s going to notice this because social media and artists don’t always work out well...especially now...anyways...my art style has changed a lot, but I like a lot better now...and I learned a thing or two about proportions and anatomy since the last drawings I posted. It’d be real cool if someone shared this cause that’s what I want my art to be for. To tell a story.

I dunno if anyone will see this..but hi...it’s been awhile.

The struggles real, am I right?

Being polyamorous while also being aroace has been the most confusing shit of my life. I just wanna vibe in a polycule and I want to feel cared for. I feel cared for my friends at the moment, so I’m okay now, but it’d be nice in the future, cause I don’t wanna live alone. I really shoulda known I was aro though....like the signs were so obvious...and ace even more obvious. I am glad though that I basically embody chaos at this point.

I love how I started out writing a comic book, while thinking I must be cis and pan, and now that I’m nearing the end of it, I’m trans, non-binary, and aroace. Granted, before that I thought I was cishet, and kinda just denying way too many fucking things about myself. Upon admitting them through storytelling, I somehow feel much much gayer. This is probably because I feel more comfortable in my skin now. Thank you for my TEDTalk.